This story is so heartbreaking on many levels. This BN reader needs your earnest advice in what she called a life and death situation, where infertility, cheating, living beyond one’s means and emotional abuse are involved.
Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. To submit any problem for the BN fam to help you tackle, you can email us – www.bellanaija.com/team or leave it as a comment.
Please read below.
I am a young lady that is few minutes away from 30. I am very beautiful, intelligent, fun loving and smart. My story has been a very interesting and sad one … I was born with a deformity of not being able to bear a child 🙁
N.B. I have never done an abortion so please don’t go on thinking it’s because of recklessness I have damaged my womb. I have dated three guys, two of whom I told about my situation. I left the third, I couldn’t tell him because I was scared, so I acted up and gave him attitude, then he left too.
I am currently engaged to a guy a friend hooked me up with, that claims he loves me but I really doubt it. I told him about my situation and he accepted…he made a huge proposal after I told him, and it went viral, to show to the world how he loves me.
But here is the real deal, he doesn’t show me he cares. I am abused at the slightest opportunity. Calling me names I have never been called. He cheats on me so much that it breaks my heart, currently he is sleeping with the house-help which he can’t hide anymore. He even brings some of his girls home and I just look and cry my eyes out when am alone.
He makes me feel worthless. First of all I mustn’t talk to my friends when he is around if not he gets jealous. He asked me to close up my Facebook, Instagram, BlackBerry messages, What’s App and delete all my contacts because he doesn’t want me talking to anyone…we don’t even go out as couple, he doesn’t take me anywhere.
I am not allowed to work anymore cos he said his wife won’t work. I had a very lucrative job back in my country and he made me quit. I really do not have much savings but I had 25,000 USD which I have given to him on loan and I doubt if he will ever pay. My family back home depends on me. I have been working my ass out to support the family but I always had a lonely and sad night… In my quest to find happiness I find myself here. Now I can’t support my family, I don’t even have a dime to my name and I’m in a strange country with no one to talk to. I am even too broke to go make my hair in the salon, I have learnt how to make my hair myself now. Same me that goes to the best salon back home, wears the best clothes and now I have been reduced to nothing.
Because I don’t have anymore money to give to him he sees me as a dull girl. That I am not smart at all… I called home last month and the last money I had was used to get me air ticket to leave here after a very big fight… But after finding out about it he begged me stay and I did.
His way of life I can’t deal…he poses to be very rich, which I really don’t care if he is rich or broke because I know I can survive without a man’s money. But he lives in debt around that I am ashamed of moving around. We have been arrested once because he was owing someone. He lives a fake life and it breaks my heart because I’m one of the realest girls you can know. In a bid to cover up, once he gets little money he shops for clothes and wrist watches and gives people money to show off, without even paying up some debts.
He doesn’t want to go see my parents, he wants to send money home for my bride price to be done back home and we won’t attend. I have always dreamt of been a bride,I am very beautiful and I dream of how a beautiful bride I will be.
Now what should I do? I feel so ashamed to even go back home with no money attached to my name… The stigma of getting engaged and dumped? Or stay with this this man that makes my life unbearable? If I leave who will ever marry me with my health issue? I hear lots of people say marriage is not always blissful is it always like this? Should I stay and build this which I doubt will work? If I stay,how do I cope with him sleeping with househelps and everything under skirts…
Please I need comments and suggestions, you can be harsh on me If u want to I won’t mind…
N.B. It’s even worse I can’t even speak Spanish so I can’t talk to anyone around here
Photo Credit: © Andrey Popov | Dreamstime.com