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Aunty Bella: Miss. After a Viral Proposal My Fiancé Has Completely Changed

BellaNaija.com

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dreamstime_s_46361400This story is so heartbreaking on many levels. This BN reader needs your earnest advice in what she called a life and death situation, where infertility, cheating, living beyond one’s means and emotional abuse are involved.

Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. To submit any problem for the BN fam to help you tackle, you can email us – www.bellanaija.com/team or leave it as a comment.

Please read below.

***

Hi,

I am a young lady that is few minutes away from 30. I am very beautiful, intelligent, fun loving and smart. My story has been a very interesting and sad one … I was born with a deformity of not being able to bear a child 🙁

N.B. I have never done an abortion so please don’t go on thinking it’s because of recklessness I have damaged my womb. I have dated three guys, two of whom I told about my situation. I left the third, I couldn’t tell him because I was scared, so I acted up and gave him attitude, then he left too.

I am currently engaged to a guy a friend hooked me up with, that claims he loves me but I really doubt it. I told him about my situation and he accepted…he made a huge proposal after I told him, and it went viral, to show to the world how he loves me.

But here is the real deal, he doesn’t show me he cares. I am abused at the slightest opportunity. Calling me names I have never been called. He cheats on me so much that it breaks my heart, currently he is sleeping with the house-help which he can’t hide anymore. He even brings some of his girls home and I just look and cry my eyes out when am alone.

He makes me feel worthless. First of all I mustn’t talk to my friends when he is around if not he gets jealous. He asked me to close up my Facebook, Instagram, BlackBerry messages, What’s App and delete all my contacts because he doesn’t want me talking to anyone…we don’t even go out as couple, he doesn’t take me anywhere.

I am not allowed to work anymore cos he said his wife won’t work. I had a very lucrative job back in my country and he made me quit. I really do not have much savings but I had 25,000 USD which I have given to him on loan and I doubt if he will ever pay. My family back home depends on me. I have been working my ass out to support the family but I always had a lonely and sad night… In my quest to find happiness I find myself here. Now I can’t support my family, I don’t even have a dime to my name and I’m in a strange country with no one to talk to. I am even too broke to go make my hair in the salon, I have learnt how to make my hair myself now. Same me that goes to the best salon back home, wears the best clothes and now I have been reduced to nothing.

Because I don’t have anymore money to give to him he sees me as a dull girl. That I am not smart at all… I called home last month and the last money I had was used to get me air ticket to leave here after a very big fight… But after finding out about it he begged me stay and I did.

His way of life I can’t deal…he poses to be very rich, which I really don’t care if he is rich or broke because I know I can survive without a man’s money. But he lives in debt around that I am ashamed of moving around. We have been arrested once because he was owing someone. He lives a fake life and it breaks my heart because I’m one of the realest girls you can know. In a bid to cover up, once he gets little money he shops for clothes and wrist watches and gives people money to show off, without even paying up some debts.

He doesn’t want to go see my parents, he wants to send money home for my bride price to be done back home and we won’t attend. I have always dreamt of been a bride,I am very beautiful and I dream of how a beautiful bride I will be.

Now what should I do? I feel so ashamed to even go back home with no money attached to my name… The stigma of getting engaged and dumped? Or stay with this this man that makes my life unbearable? If I leave who will ever marry me with my health issue? I hear lots of people say marriage is not always blissful is it always like this? Should I stay and build this which I doubt will work? If I stay,how do I cope with him sleeping with househelps and everything under skirts…

Please I need comments and suggestions, you can be harsh on me If u want to I won’t mind…

N.B. It’s even worse I can’t even speak Spanish so I can’t talk to anyone around here

Photo Credit: © Andrey Popov | Dreamstime.com

168 Comments

  1. Weezy

    December 30, 2015 at 10:47 am

    You are being abused. You think its bad now? It will get worse when you are legally married. Look for women’s shelters in the country you are in. Use Google to look. There is one in every country and they probably have someone who speaks English.

    I’m a bit cynical whether you will actually do some thing. My experience is that women in your position cry a lot and invite people to shout at them. But it stops there. All talk no action.

    It is up to you to decide that your serenity is more important than what other people or your culture thinks. It is up to you to choose to free yourself by finding trainec people who can actually help you (as opposed to cry for you). It is up to you to choose to stay away from him for good.

    Don’t be another woman who brings an update in 5 years that the situation has worsened. Your life is in your hands. Choose to escape, choose to thrive.

    • iyke

      December 30, 2015 at 11:27 am

      Your feelings are valid and that’s ok. As a female in Nigeria.when you’re over 30 and heartbroken over the nature of your relationship with a guy who you hoped would be ‘the one’ or haven’t had a good date in a while or watch your close friends go on to their second or third pregnancy, it’s hard, it’s disarming and sometimes, it’s unbearable.#thetruth.
      So I feel you..You aren’t over exaggerating. But you can still be happy for all the other things in your life.
      To get your mind off this pain, how about starting your own business, focusing on your passion and fulfilling your professional potential which can be extraordinarily rewarding?I made this suggestions because I know that how YOU choose to move on from this grief SHOULD BE the focus of your own kind of happily ever after. And I must say, YOU MUST plan for your ‘happy’ to indeed be ever after. And hopefully, it won’t be alone.
      Remember that not every woman would marry before they hit 30, not every woman would be in a happy marriage/relationship and definitely not every woman would have kids.
      Choose your HAPPY and make it ever after!Don’t waste time on people who don’t treat you well.
      Happy New Year Bellanaija family. It’s been an amazing year and I am so proud to identify myself with your folks.I sincerely hope that YOU,yes YOU, that you love yourself a lotta bit more in 2016

    • Khia

      December 30, 2015 at 12:30 pm

      It’s that dream of being a beautiful bride that will kill you. You never suffer enough.

    • Oj

      December 30, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Truly! She will soon add hiv to the list of issues, please and please, run as fast as u can

    • Me

      December 30, 2015 at 11:16 pm

      You are stupid and shouldn’t comment on social media sites, s asked for opinions/advice and not insults. If you can’t watch your statement be wise enough to shut up.

    • dharmmy

      January 7, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      I tot the lady was smart, cos she said that…lol…to me she isn’t….i hope we don’t receive an update that she committed suicide….

    • purpliciousbabe

      December 30, 2015 at 12:40 pm

      She said it all…. Heed and RUN!!!! No excuses. Just RUN

    • Mama

      December 30, 2015 at 4:34 pm

      Please I hope his name is NOT John Bellissimo, aka John Etop aka Roland aka John Elem… This sounds so familiar and very typical of what John can do.
      My dear run for your dear life, this man will finish your life!!!!! I wasted my life with an idiot like this so my dear don’t waste your life run as fast as you can.
      And believe me God can give you a child without a womb!!! I have seen it happen.

    • Adaeze

      January 2, 2016 at 1:15 am

      I knew John as well. No be small thing o. Thank God I broke the chains and ran for my life abeg. Now happily married with a baby on the way. No reason whatsoever to stay in an abusive relationship. Biko for your sanity and life, RUN!

    • Nkiru C

      July 31, 2016 at 1:09 am

      Hello mama, we need to talk please . Kindly mail me .. But first let me know when online so I give U my mail / number . God bless

  2. Ozzie

    December 30, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Are you kidding?? Leave him!

    • Cindy

      December 30, 2015 at 11:00 am

      I support this. Leave him! I believe you are too pretty to let a man treat you like crap! You deserve better!

  3. Oluchi

    December 30, 2015 at 10:49 am

    My dear girl… Please leave. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it wasting away in a a boyfriend’s house.
    Find a way. Where there is a Will, there is a Way.

    P.S. When you find that way, do not let him talk you out of it.

    Will pray for you.

  4. Yewande

    December 30, 2015 at 10:49 am

    1. Marriage is not the be all, end all of life. I’m married and I know.
    2. There are men out there who don’t want children or don’t mind adopting.
    3. Who cares about a broken engagement? Would you really rather be embarrassed about that for a short time or be embarrassed for life by a philandering abuser?
    4. Go back to your country and family.

  5. Ronke

    December 30, 2015 at 10:50 am

    A failed relationship is better than a failed marriage. Please dear buy a plane ticket and get out of there. The man does not deserve you. It is better to be single and happy than married and miserable. It will only get worse if you stay with him. Your family need you back home and you also need them. Please run. God is with you

  6. Folabo kay

    December 30, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Dear Poster, please get your life back. Get that air ticket and leave. It’s really that simple. Your infertility problem is not the issue here, you are just engaged to an inferior being, you are engaged to a person who is almost at the level of being called a vermin (if you borrow money without thinking of paying it back, you are a vermin)
    It’s even better you remain single, because if you continue in this relationship, depression would soon be your constant companion and we don’t want sucidal thoughts running through your mind. Please my dear, get your life back, please. (Ignore the typos)

    • Ty?

      December 30, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      I find this post hard to believe. Something not quite right. What advice would someone need when the hand writing is on the wall??. I guess the post served it’s purpose.

  7. June

    December 30, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Hi. First of all, I need u to b confident and know irrespective of your health issue u will find someone who truly loves u. Leave his sorry ass and move on. Otherwise u will live a sad and bitter life for the rest of your years and u r less than 30. That means many more sad years, when u have a choice to b happy. What is killing people these days is ‘ what people will say or think’ it doesn’t matter honey. Live! Live! Live ur life. Trust me u r lucky it’s just a proposal. Wake up and live ur life, a great guy will come along when u r not looking.
    Lots of love from me June.

  8. Cmbo

    December 30, 2015 at 10:52 am

    It is said ‘No one can intimidate you unless you permit it’ Whatever treatment you are receiving is what you have permitted. It is also true that no matter how long you have travelled in the wrong direction you can always turn around and start all over. Please leave, this individual has not added value to you in anyway, he has been a minus, so the truth is you have nothing to lose by leaving the relationship. Please realize that you are beautiful, valuable and anyone who can’t treat you right does not deserve you. Reach out to your family or someone for help. There are people who love and value you my dear. Love yourself.

  9. Vanessa

    December 30, 2015 at 10:53 am

    Sweet heart don’t die in marriage because you’re afraid of social stigma. The same society will laugh at you in a damaged marriage. Single life is not as bad. You can live a good life on your own and at the right time the perfect man will come. Don’t let a stupid man damage your self esteem. He’s not worth it. You deserve better

  10. bree

    December 30, 2015 at 10:54 am

    I wont be harsh cos u r going thru a trauma but girl!! Kilode?! Which do u care more about, ur life or wht pple think? Please, leave him, Jesus, he doesn’t even have money,….abeg, nuff said, just dump his fucking ass and pls make it epic….and let that go viral too! *rme

  11. M

    December 30, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Please come back to your country. Pick up the pieces and move on! You said it yourself, you are beautiful and real. God will send you your own man. Pray and get your life back together. Nothing is impossible with God. Think about it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? I don’t think so. Leave when you can and before its too late. He is not the only man on earth! You will be alright.

  12. WORLD PEOPLE

    December 30, 2015 at 10:55 am

    follow your heart. follow your instincts. I doubt the situation with him would get better. I know people who have returned their engagement rings for quarter of the things you have so blatantly put up with.

    what condition is responsible for your childlessness? is it something IVF cant cure? what about surrogacy? where another girl helps in carrying your embryo? i wish you had shed more light on that. i put it to you that your case isn”t hopeless. Haven’t you heard of womb-less women birthing healthy babies?

    hunnay start with getting your freedom from that man. he has no respect for you- then move closer to God. God has put us on this earth to dominate and multiply. Keep believing in Him for your miracle!

    • As Myself

      December 30, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      You have to make peace with yourself with regards to the inability to have a child.

      If for any reason you can’t have a child even with medical assistance, make up your mind to adopt one or some. There are MILLIONS of children without parents who can benefit from your large heart, love, care and the comfort of the home you can provide; for you to beat yourself over something you may not have control about (infertility).

      Not everyone will have their own babies and guess what? IT IS PERFECTLY FINE. Parenthood is #BeyondBiological! Let that sink: BEYOND BIOLOGICAL. Meaning you can adopt a child and the minute you open your heart, life and home to that child, you have become a parent. The child is now yours and you are responsible for the child the same way you would be if you birthed one biologically. See..?

      Leave that loser. He has succeeded in stealing your joy, peace, self esteem and your hard-earned $25,000. Don’t make him steal your life away, too. You have a broken engagement…so bladdy what? We are many and we are still holding our heads high. Release yourself from this self-inflicted prison of “what-will-people-say” and be selfish for once: IGNORE THE WHOLE WORLD AND DO YOU!

  13. jess

    December 30, 2015 at 10:56 am

    Babe are you for real? You are not even married and you decided to stay in agony instead of going back home to the people that love you. Why?? You think you cannot do better than this guy,how low do you want to stoop? To hit your grave?

    Thank your God you are not married. Please find a way to save money and leave. Start your life afresh. You were scamed, he took advantage of your situation and drained your savings. He will not even marry you, trust me, so do both of you a favour and leave. YOU CAN DO BETTER! Don’t let no one tell you otherwise.

  14. ATL's finest

    December 30, 2015 at 10:56 am

    Jesu! What’s going on??? I don’t know U personally, but it feels like I do.. Sweetie U are NOT married to him yet. Why are U punishing yourself to save a gaddamm man/marriage???

    The best is YET to come. Happiness comes from within darlyn – the earlier u realize that, the better for U. Pls don’t screw Ur FAM over for no man. Family is EVERYTHING. Men come & go like subway in NYC but Ur family is there/ here to stay.

    He’s supposed to be your back BONE but instead he’s mistreating U because u can’t support him any longer. By d way, who says U can’t bear kids? Dr’s ain’t no GOD. They treat & God heals/provide. God has the finally say. My aunt and my friend are living proof. Of course they were told the same BS due to medical conditions, mtchew save that for the bird cuz my aunt delivered two babies naturally and same is my friend.

    Listen up boo, the earlier U get the HeLL outta this mess, the better for U & those depending on you back home. My prayers are with U & pls remember U come next after God. DON’T ever let no one bring your down or reduce your self-esteem. Yes, u feel broke now but ONLY U can elevate yourself. Go thrifty for now, give him BACK his ring. He’s very degrading for sleeping with a maid & u best believe he doesn’t LOVE U cuz he’s probably acting on your medical condition too without U knowing it.

    All the same, E-hugs for U boo ??????????❤❤????? Never give up on love. When there’s life, there’s HOPE. I wish I could get ur ass outta there like RIGHT NOW. Pls let me help U press charges so U can get ur $25,000 cuz from the look of things, U aint gonna get shit back.

  15. anne

    December 30, 2015 at 10:56 am

    my dear there is nothing impossible with God.he can turn that health challange around and give you a better husband and a better home.staying in that relationship is not healthy.that guy abuses you.

  16. Hadi

    December 30, 2015 at 10:57 am

    Hello dear lady,

    There’s someone out there that will love you wholeheartedly despite your deformity. But firstly, you have to love and accept yourself, deformity included. Love and accept yourself and true love will eventually find you.

    I plead with you to leave this man because marrying him will eventually kill you psychologically and emotionally.

    Leave him and start building a life for yourself where you love yourself wholeheartedly <3

  17. Lerato

    December 30, 2015 at 10:58 am

    My sister, Pack your bags and go home before you go home in a body bag.
    Run, and do not look bag. If I were you, I would literally run to the airport. Life is too short to live like you are.

  18. Ade rogers

    December 30, 2015 at 10:58 am

    Hey im a guy and trust me This is the first time I have ever commented on any blog in my life and I’m only doing this because I only can imagine ur pain. I’m sorry ur going thru this but pls it’s best u leave him go back home and work on urself. Marriage isnt for everyone. Trust me If u leave him and focus ur energy in making urself happy and getting close to God another person would find u soon. Cheers

  19. Hatsoff

    December 30, 2015 at 10:59 am

    Stay?? Heck no! Gather your things and run for your life.
    My dear, you’re not married and yet you feel this unhappy. Just imagine how marriage will be like. Forget the shame you think you might face. Better than staying in an abusive marriage. You need to read what people have gone through and are still going through. Please, a man who truly loves you will come your way. Just have faith!!! Never look down on yourself. Stay Blessed

  20. gbemi

    December 30, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Dear young lady, you are beautiful, intelligent, kind and smart! If a man continuously makes you feel less worthy and continously prevents you from contacting people who remind you of who you truly are….. then it’s time to check out. Unfortunately we can’t promise that you would meet a better person who will accept your condition or that the pain will go away….. neither do we know what would happen next….. but one thing is certain, you have a lot to offer the world around you and you will be free when you live. And please for once in your beautiful life; be free to be you, life is bigger than men and marriage (yes marriage is a good dream but don’t let it consume you!)

  21. AsToldByGinger

    December 30, 2015 at 11:00 am

    pls pickup your shoes and run like a mad woman out of that situationship cos thats not even a relationship , run för your life go back to your people if you have no where else to go before you die of high blood pressure. I dont get how you can be with a man who treates badly, cheats on you without remorse and to crown it all a broke Ass who has nothing to offer, life doesn’t end at being married.. pick up yourself esteem where you dropped it and walk out of his life like a queen that you are and you deserve to be treated like one honey

  22. Ams

    December 30, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Gurll! Take yourself back to your family! They probably care about your health and welfare than you being broke..
    And it would be more embarassing if the wedding continued.
    Theres more fishes in the sea gurl! Take a break and find your feet again

  23. nkechi

    December 30, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Your story brought tears to my eyes….

    Please find the strength to move on for good. you’ve already been through enough pls!!!

  24. Cindy

    December 30, 2015 at 11:01 am

    I support Ozzie. Just leave

  25. hm

    December 30, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Deep down, u know u don’t want to marry that guy, u r yearning for true love, but d fact dt he accepts ur ‘flaw’ means u should manage him, since he wants to manage u too. 1. Who says u still can’t v a child, I have a God dt does unbelievable things. 2. Some where born with no health issue but no child. 3. Some people don’t even want kids, dere z an article on dt ere on BN, so y do u want to settle for less? Swthrt, but it off, come home if u have to, start over. And d best is wt u wld get

    • hm

      December 30, 2015 at 11:03 am

      *break

  26. She

    December 30, 2015 at 11:04 am

    Girl!1!! stigma kini?? Abeg pack your legs and run!!! You are in an abusive relationship. Biko!! haba! this is too much now. I couldn’t even finish reading …I got mad in the middle. From the looks of things you were ..actually you are a SUCCESSFUL person. Please forget marriage isn’t always blissful. This man has zero respect for you. PACK YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE. The same people that will ‘stigmatize’ you for leaving him will be the same people that will ‘stigmatize you as a divorcee. Abeg forget stigma and move on before you die of high bp

    sherijourney.blogspot.com

  27. Great Lady

    December 30, 2015 at 11:05 am

    I may sound harsh, but I can’t help it. I believe something or terribly wrong with you. So because the whole world saw your proposal and so what??? Do you plan to live a life of misery forever??? Sweetheart there’s nothing to work put with this douche you call a fiance. Firstly he doesn’t love nor respect and he never will. Secondly, please leave him right now and I mean now, book a flight and leave that country. Your family will always accept you regardless. Thirdly, you can always get back up, go back home dust your skills and trust me you’ll find another job. Fourthly, as long as marriage is in God’s plan for your life, you’ll meet the one who he has prepared for you. A man who will treat you right, and love you the way God intended. babe, you’re beautiful, super intelligent, have a heart of gold and you’re special, NEVER NEVER forget that. Anyone who doesn’t cherish you is just a fool. Lastly,please you need to work on your self esteem, you’re right now not emotionally ready for a relationship. Work on your self esteem, develop your relationship with God and trust me he’ll do for you what no man or no doctor can do. God is a God of impossibilities and He is limitless. You can have a child as long as it’s in His will for you. Forgive my epistle. God bless you.

  28. onyx

    December 30, 2015 at 11:05 am

    I’m a man by the way but the kain stories I see and hear sometimes I have to ask if dem dey jazz some girls? I’m sorry if I’m been crude but I wonder how some ladies stick with some of these jerks. If its because the d game is strong, trust me you can get good vibrators rather than go through an emotional roller coaster. Life is too short not to be enjoyed abeg.

  29. She

    December 30, 2015 at 11:06 am

    I forgot to add. Whatever is destined to be yours will be yours no matter what. If you are destined to marry you will. Don’t kill yourself with high bp over nothing.

  30. Great Lady

    December 30, 2015 at 11:06 am

    Please pardon my errors.

  31. Run Dear

    December 30, 2015 at 11:07 am

    I rarely give advice on Agony Columns but my heart bleeds for you, hence the reason I’m commenting. He has no respect and love for you, if anything he will get you in trouble with his debts etc. Your infertility should not be a reason to stay with him. You will find someone that truly loves you because you are God’s beloved. Please don’t let him treat you less. Giving his womanizing ways, it’s unlikely he will be with you for a long time. Please dump him and build a beautiful life for yourself as you have shown you are capable of, or he will dump you when you can no longer find your feet. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  32. maame_a

    December 30, 2015 at 11:07 am

    Dear, I pray God gives you strength.
    Please leave this young man. He is no good. In the end u might even end up losing ur life and he will be in bed with another before ur body even goes cold. As for the infertility issue there are many children in our various orphanages that require love and affection of a mother. Once you are back home and u find ur feet u can adopt one of them and add to ur blessing! God keep you and make His face shine upon u. I will keep you in prayer as we enter the new year.
    Stay blessed and ALWAYS remember God loves you and has promised to never give us any temptation that is greater than us.

  33. Jenny

    December 30, 2015 at 11:09 am

    Wait, you really think because you’re 30 and can’t have kids no man will marry you? There are women far past your age that are getting married and enjoying their life! Marriage is nice but that is not the key to happiness. Really, you see that this guy is bad and you still make him your life? You’re hurting yourself in this whole situation. This guy will leave you in the future and then you wasted time and energy on what? You can and SHOULD first love yourself and second forget others opinions. You have one life to live one! Choose wisely and know the person meant for you is out there and God loves you so you can always focus and hold on to him during hard times like this.

  34. Manny

    December 30, 2015 at 11:09 am

    Sometimes I wonder if these stories are fake. I really dont know what kind of advise this person is hoping to get o. When it’s so obvious that in a few years she will probably be suicidal. Sometimes it hurts that people cannot see beyond being with a man. Infact you are not even with a man. Any man that makes you give up alot does not love you. He is only using you to boost his ego because he is such a low life scum with terrible low self esteem. My dear, it dosent matter if you got engaged or something there are so many people that were dumped on the alter. Please pack your things and start your life again it’s not too late. As far as you have family and friends that are willing to support you, trust me you will be fine. About the not being able to have kids part, yeah that could be a problem for guys but not all guys. There is a guy out there that will love you for who you are and who you are not. He will love you for what you are and have and what you are not and don’t have. Don’t give up by making yourself a punching bag and a floor mat for someone.

    • Adeola

      December 30, 2015 at 11:37 am

      i think they are fake, cause they just don’t sound real…seriously

    • Bleed Blue

      December 30, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      Adeola you’d be surprised.

      I’m somehow constantly being confided in by friends, pals and colleagues and the things people go through are really unbelievable. If it wasn’t the case that I personally know a number of people in similar, sometimes worse shoes than the lady in this story, I may have thought the same as you.

      Even though the solution seems obvious to an outsider, some people genuinely just CANNOT see a way out of their predicament.
      Sad. But true.

    • Three Oscars

      December 30, 2015 at 3:49 pm

      These stories aren’t fake. This type of stories are some women’s reality. The worst part of it is our very Nigerian society has zero support for women who find themselves in this type of mess. In Nigeria, you face all kinds of discrimination and prejudices if you wind up in this kind of pot of soup. I know of one that started exactly like this and ended in marriage. Things did not get better.
      Poster, run while you can. Consider adoption, IVF or surrogacy. A man does not validate your existence. Do you. Live.
      Does anyone have stories similar or exacts to this? I really would like to start a Support Group.

    • A girl in need of help

      December 30, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Doesn’t sound fake to me. And since everyone seems to have experience on these things I might just as well ask for advise.
      Dear BNer’s
      I am a beautiful young lady in my mid twenties. for a while I haven’t been in any relationship. The problem is I don’t like some and then the ones I like usually end up being my friends…. or maybe they are first my friends and then I start to like them.
      So as not to complicate the story, I’ll name these friends A,B,C and D.
      A and I share a special bond, he had a girlfriend when we met, in between we got attracted to each other, he broke up with Bae. ( I had nothing to do with that). Months passed, he said he loved me but didn’t take that step. He started to withdraw. We are still friends though
      B and I met at work, B liked me and I liked him. B led me on and then sprang the “I am sorry but I think I have unresolved feelings for by ex” line on me. B went back to his ex and we are still good friends.
      C and I got hooked up by a friend. He works in another city and only visits a few times a year, We got along quite well and had lunch dates in my office throughout his stay in the city. He practically spent most of his time with me, took me out on weekends bla bla bla. He made the move and then suddenly withdrew. C and I are still on good terms.
      D and I met somehow, he drew me close (at this point I was avoiding making friends at all) told me he really liked me and asked me to pray about us. Innocent me, thinking “could this be it” took out a little time to seek God’s face. D cooked for me, took care of me, spoilt me silly. He was a romantic. Unfortunately, D who had been impatient about my “revelation” didn’t wait to hear the answer before withdrawing.
      Hence my dilemma.
      Please tell me, is there something wrong with me? or have I just been meeting the wrong people? Or is this the new trend for men? to make advances and then withdraw?
      PS: I DIDN’T HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE ONE OF THEM.

    • Tosin

      December 30, 2015 at 6:48 pm

      You’re not desperate. Maybe you don’t need them. Must you marry? If there’s no need, must you create the need?

  35. bim

    December 30, 2015 at 11:10 am

    My dear,i congratulate u 4 comin out,wen u realise u ve a problem,Deres lredy a solution.i thank God U had not married him yet,ur enemy wuld ve died in dat marriage.God has a plan 4 u nd 4 u 2 reach it u need 2 b find him.First get close 2 God nd surrender all 2 him, he will direct ur path.i did d same a period where I thot dere was no hope,and my dear it has been testimonies ever since,2nd take a bold step,nd leave dat guy,he is worthless,nd my dear u deserve better.ur husband is around u,u just have 2 find God 2 find him.wen u meet ur perfect will dere is no challenge in marriage dat with prayers u can’t conquer.u wil conceive believe dat.trust God 4 d best.my dear I can see joy in front of u.

  36. Princess P

    December 30, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Please leave
    Everyone deserves to be happy and you are not an exception.
    Make your self happy babe

  37. tosin

    December 30, 2015 at 11:14 am

    i usually do not comment on blogs but urs us different.
    i will advice u leave him and start afresh. whatever God says will he urs will be. u cannot leave all ur life because of what he want. ask ur self this question. “what do i want” does my happiness matter now? for now forget about ur deformity and put ur life together. i believe in God and i know nothing is impossible for him to do. i do not know u or ur name but i must say u have patient. leave him and look for a support group in the country u are in. i know how it feels leaving in a country u have no one. but babe u have to go back to ur old self and get close to God. u old enough to make ur decisions. never let a man pull ur self esteem down.

  38. mermiz

    December 30, 2015 at 11:15 am

    There’s no point at all staying in relationship you are not happy in bcos it’s meant to be enjoyed to the fullest it’s clear already that his not the one for you and you can’t force it. Leave him and allow God provide you a better man trust God coz he never fails. You deserve to be happy my dear.

  39. joana

    December 30, 2015 at 11:16 am

    It’s simple…pack ur things wisely be all smiling let him not even know your plans…engagement ni,good riddance …then go back home. Who knows u may just meet ur true husband in ur hometown…not the maniac ure dating..keep smiling girl it will help u see clearer.

  40. Kels

    December 30, 2015 at 11:17 am

    Sis, pack your things & go. Literally. You don’t need a dime to leave him. He’s a bottomless pit of a man & there’s no way up with him. It’ll continue to get worse. Forget about what people will say about a broken engagement. Even if people say bad things, they’ll forget about it soon enough. Your sanity (physical, emotional & mental) are more important. God be with you 🙂

  41. Bella Dona

    December 30, 2015 at 11:18 am

    I am quite pissed off at the OP I have run out of ideas for a comment. Let’s start from somewhere.

    The congenital deformity you have is not your fault, so don’t punish yourself for it by enslaving yourself in mediocre relationships. Women with multiple abortions and wild pasts are leaving happy lives, why would you not? And who says happiness must be in the arms of a man?
    My advice is to get busy with developing yourself and loving yourself. Take a foreign language class, go bungee jumping, book tickets to concerts and holidays alone, do something with your life as a single woman! When you start doing these things without the extra responsibility (e.g, compromise on travel itinerary and sacrificing that movie you badly want to watch for going clubbing with him) from a significant order, you will begin to enjoy your own company.
    One more thing. I challenge you to break up with that idiot today. Also, make sure you collect your money! All of it! If he doesn’t give you, involve the police. He’s very stupid.
    Keep an open mind with your dating. Don’t focus on a particular demographic. Since you can’t have children, one major aspect of marriage has been struck out (if you’re not considering adoption). That leaves you with 2: Companionship and chemistry. You should feel loved and love anyone else you choose to date, no compromise on this one abeg.

    Lastly, what kind of disability is it? If you have an egg that can be harvested and frozen, you CAN still have kids. It’s expensive but I am guessing you can afford it after dashing that unserious boy 25k.

  42. Momo

    December 30, 2015 at 11:18 am

    My lady, Know this! Marriage is NOT like that! Happiness is your decision to make… Leave without his knowledge for your own sanity. Do you need help with raising money for your ticket back home? I’m ready and willing to assist you. Listen if not for your sake , think about all the children you can adopt and invest in, God will richly elevate you just with that. Think about all the other women you will inspire and loosen from same bonds. Be an example my beautiful lady, don’t let him run his life down and yours . You are a child of God do you understand what responsibility that is? You are free fromEVERY bondage. LISTEN get up from that pity corner and RUN! RUN my sister RUN… RUN and never look back .RUN! No “buts” and “or” RUN! LISTEN ! Don’t sit and think about a single thing RUN!

  43. olatomiwa

    December 30, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Leave him alone. Forever is a long time. I am sure you don’t want your forever to be like this.

  44. Rozzy

    December 30, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Like seriously??. My dear please leave him!!. He doesn’t deserve you at all..You are very valuable. God has a reason why he made you that way so don’t settle for any man. Continue to set your standards high and add taxes.

  45. Kokos

    December 30, 2015 at 11:21 am

    Please honey run coz this man doesnt deserve u….he is an asshole and very evil man and the abuse will never stop. Stand up 4 yourself and be proud of other women n yourself as well as your family coz they wont want to see you suffering like this. you deserve better and inshaAllah you will have better. May Allah protect and guide you

  46. Bee

    December 30, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Please LEAVE HIM! Go back home, you don’t need him to feel loved. Family is more than enough. You need to get back on track and love yourself, no one is better at loving you than you. I bet he feels like he’s doing you a favour and that’s the last thing you need in your life my darling. And Yes, They’re men out there that would love you with your condition and not have the slightest thought to hurt you. After all they’re couples who decide that they wouldn’t have kids. You’re a strong woman and You’re a conqueror.

  47. Kem

    December 30, 2015 at 11:22 am

    It’s really easy when everyone says leave him, she knows leaving is the best option but how will she go about leaving, what steps is she going to make so she can leave. She needs a step by step advice on how to leave. Trust me, if you have been abused before, it’s not that easy to leave. All she needs is a detailed direction on how to leave. Leaving is easy to say but not easy to do.

  48. Rozzy

    December 30, 2015 at 11:22 am

    I know it’s difficult but you have to do this for yourself and don’t mind what people might say. It’s your life and remember you only live once.

  49. Lin

    December 30, 2015 at 11:22 am

    First of all, you are not married to this man and so you do not owe him anything. What are you even considering?! Putting a ring on your finger without seeing your parents or performing the necessary rituals is not marriage and so there is nothing here you are building. Leave him NOW! before he kills you all your self-esteem. You deserve to be loved and cared for by the man you choose to spend the rest of your life with not treated worthlessly. We hear too many stories of women trying to hold onto to men such as these and the end results are never the best, please gather the strength and GO! The man God has designed for you to spend the rest of your life is a king and he is out there waiting on you his “QUEEN.” Don’t waste your time been a slave when God has made you a precious gem!

  50. empress

    December 30, 2015 at 11:24 am

    First of all ….i will Lk to say sorry for going tru all dis…. My dear dere r worst cases of health issues and dey still live a happy life…. Living wit dis ur 419 bf will cause u notin Bt more damages ND depression…. Who says u can have a child of ur own…. ( a doctors’ report abi) why don’t u bliv in God’s report… His reports says u r free, u r heal, u r a victorious… Bliv so much in ur God my dear…. No abt d Mr. Effissy off ur one day all in d name of making moni he will use u for rituals cos he is greedy ND such pple can do anytin to hv moni…. I knw its not easy dear Bt try so hard move out of dat fake relationship ND move on wit God…. Nd he LL surely suprise u…dnt come bak nija ooo talk to someone dat can accommodate u for now ND make little moni till u get ur own… U must move out dis year ooo to start 2016 wit a new life

  51. Sholube

    December 30, 2015 at 11:25 am

    My heart aches for you sweetie.. its not going to be easy.. you let him play on you insecurities, which most ladies do.. judging from what you said about you, you are an amazing woman. First of all you shouldnt be living with him cos you are not yet married… i suggest you find a way to move back home (for holiday) tell him you miss ur parents you need to see them.. from the just go home and build yourself up again.. dont look back also forgive him so you can move on without him.
    I know its not going to be easy cos uve given him your all.. but trust me there is someone bigger and better who loves you crazy enough to die for you and He calls you special, unique, a precious pearl that not just anyone can have.. look im nigerian too so i understand the stigma it will bring, but it is up to you to dictate how people see you..

    You are a beautiful. Interligent. Unique. Kind hearted. Giving woman, every man is looking for you, but there is only one that would be the best for you and God will bring him not man, just focus on pulling out and building yourself up and allowing God do His work in you.. you will be amazed.. i dont know you but my heart goes out to you.. just know you have someone praying for you.. dont give up hope and remember you are strong enough to leave!!! Xxxx. LOVE YOURSELF

  52. fumarib

    December 30, 2015 at 11:26 am

    thank God no one is advising her to stay with such a man, i need not say much again

  53. Kemaj

    December 30, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Hi dear,

    You already know what to do, I read that much in your story ( provided the story is true). You really don’t need the advices pouring out from this source. Perchance you are telling the truth, that this is actually the truth, please note that in a few years you will be told that you have lost someone dear to you from your home town and you will know that the reason it happened is because you did not help because your husband does not want you to work. Also your husband will also have children spread all across the town you are currently in and then you will hate him and the fact that he has made you an object of scorn and pity in your neighbourhood and most painfully in your mind ‘ less of a woman’ . Also if you are not careful he will buy things in your name and you will likely go to jail for it because he will have your signature down to an art. When you finally get tired of it all because at that time you will HATE him so much you will kill him ,( either cos he wants to divorce you or u are no longer human) and the unfortunate thing at this point is that the state will also order you to be killed cos few people will believe you, after all the years of staying with him and bearing all this the fact you killed him must be premeditated murder. I guess at that point you will reflect on your life and think of the wonderful Job u once had in your country, your poor family members, your great hair and the likes. Wonderful life it will be right?

  54. M

    December 30, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Hey girl. Me reading this makes me sad. You can’t live your life like a prisoner because you think no one won’t love you or marry you. You just can’t. My dear, I know it’s hard, I know you love him, but is that really enough? Someone who constantly throws babes in your face and sleeps with you house girl is not someone you should change your life for or sacrifice your identity. It’s not worth it. You might end of dying of depression and it is really not worth dying over.
    No one can tell you what to do because it’s only you that understands what you are going through. However, you should believe in yourself and believe in God, you shouldn’t let your situation make you belittle your self or be depressed or even make you make the wrong decision because sweetheart that guy if you marry him it would be the worst decision ever!!!! You should get out of that relationship fast and go and find God if you don’t know who he is and discover who you are.

    I believe there is a guy out there who would love you for who you are and treat you like a princess. Don’t settle down for less or for a life filled with bullshit. If you haven’t married him yet and he is doing this what would he do when you guysget married? Please don’t use your own hands to destroy yourself. He doesn’t deserve you!!!!
    One last thing, concerning your birth issue, there are so many options. Plus there is God, God hasn’t made any of his children barren just believe in him and everything would be just fine.
    Good luck

  55. Bella Dona

    December 30, 2015 at 11:29 am

    Look at it this way, there’s no silly biological clock chasing you, no need to be desperate by tolerating nonsense. Imagine how real and profound a relationship could get when you take out the procreation equation. Imagine the number of women in bad marriages because of their children. I just want you to believe in yourself and be positive.

  56. Sarah

    December 30, 2015 at 11:29 am

    I will start by saying this YOU ARE BEING ABUSED EMOTIONALLY. This is even one of the worst case scenario I have seen/read about. Ladies, NEVER, ever stay with a man that ask you to choose between him and other people (your parent,siblings,friends). He is trying to cut you off from people that can save you when he starts abusing you emotionally.
    2) From the write up,I feel you re not in Nigeria (even if you are) They are very hard to find but there are a number of men out there that are open minded and don’t mind adopting. society teaches us to marry and have kids and that is the greatest joy in life (I am sure osama’s mother will not agree) but the way some mothers do their kids you will just know they don’t even know what bringing up a kid is all about,they are just following society’s instruction of having kids to carry on the family name (pukes,is it by family name that we would enter heaven).
    3) See ehn,I know the pressure of getting married,I am a woman too BUT we have to be care ful,marriage is not like iphone 6,that because kemi has bought her own iphone 6,i will hustle anyhow and buy my own. forget age,love jesus,enjoy your family and pray for the right man.
    4) I dont think it will get better,i feel he is going to do worse things to you,forget the shame of the viral proposal,pick the pieces of your life together LEAVE HIM (scratch that) Run from him,start working again so you will have money to send to your family. BTW you can kiss that $25,000 bye bye.
    God will help you and see you through. Keep fighting!

  57. Mya

    December 30, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Run my dear, run. You shouldn’t allow your condition make terrible choices for you. He has started when you aren’t even married. What will he do when you marry? It’s better to be single, happy and free, than to be in a marriage that is more like bondage. Love is a beautiful thing when it is given on both sides. Leave this man alone. He will just kill your self esteem and ego and reduce your life to nothingness. I wish for you the best.

  58. FELICIA

    December 30, 2015 at 11:36 am

    MISS VOTERS U HAVE ONE PROBLEM PRIDE, U PRAISE URSELF SO MUCH DAT URE NOT SEEING WAT UR HUSBAND TO BE IS DOING TO U, MY DEAR EVEN THOSE WHO R VIRGINS, WHEN THEY GET MARRIED DONT HAVE CHILDREN SO RELAX, LEAVE THIS GUY N FACE YOUR WORK , MAKE YOUR MONEY N TAKE CARE OF URSELF, WHEN URE DEAD, HE PICKS SOMEONE ELSE, SO MEN DONT WORTH ANYTHING, MOVE ON U MIGHT MEET SOMEONE FAR BETTER, GIRLFRIEND, U SAW RED LIGHT YET URE STUCK WITH HIM, LET GO N MOVE ON……..GUDLUCK

  59. LaWanda

    December 30, 2015 at 11:37 am

    If you need help looking for a shelter I will help you look. My email is [email protected] . I will find you resources it is up to you to make it happen. You have to be your own super woman. I love you sister girl. Love is patient love is kind and love should not hurt. Your prince will come once you learn how to love yourself.

  60. Anonymous

    December 30, 2015 at 11:37 am

    What ur in is not marriage. A man like dat dosent deserve u and life is too short to live in regret. U shuld go home, be happy and start afresh. Drs a guy out dere for u I assure u, even if it wud take time it’s better dan dat kinda life. Marriage is not d ultimate, u can be happy on ur own. Pick up d pieces in ur life and start afresh. Pple wid greater deformities get married to good men so y can’t u. Not all women can Giv birth, ur case is not as dire as u see it. Move on, start ur life again and wen d time is right u wud get a guy dat loves and wud cherish u despite ur condition. Women r strong, pls be strong and stand up.

  61. Jackie

    December 30, 2015 at 11:37 am

    My dear, don’t ever let anyone take your kindness for weakness. Don’t let your situation to make you stay with someone who treat you badly. God knows what you are going through and he will send you that one person that will love and accept you for who you are. Please stop letting him treating you like you are a nobody. You deserve better sweetheart. Leave him and be happy. You need happiness not sorrow. He doesn’t have no respect for you. A woman is like a flower, if you don’t water a flower, apparently its gonna die. Learn to love yourself first sweetie. Depending on a man is like drinking poison and expecting to survive from it. Be strong and let go. Move on with life.

  62. Toyin

    December 30, 2015 at 11:38 am

    It’s not even a question, read what you have written like its someone else’s and do what you would have advice. Am so posses you even have to have, it’s not your strength that keeping you there but your weakness, get out of there, get a life and you would find a man who is willing to live you kids or no kids, you can even adopt, lots of children out there whose prayers you would be answering if they get to call you their mother, so please stop being a pity party and utilize the strength we women claim to have. Good luck.

  63. Enny

    December 30, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Sometimes We make decisions that ain’t God’s Will and Plan for our Lives – HE is also the only one you can talk to,that would make you feel better and then you find Peace within you! My advice is Try Look around for a Bible Believing Church, Seek for Counsellors and Give Your Entire Service to God ! Then You will Find Peace and HE will Turn Your Situations around!!! God answers Prayers!!! Stay with God
    It is Well with You dear~ E-hugs???

    Never Underestimate the Power of a praying Woman more so A Praying Wife???

  64. Jo

    December 30, 2015 at 11:40 am

    This story really touched me, because it could happen to any of us!

    You’ve already received incredible advice, but another thing to consider is getting consular advice where you are.
    I’m not sure of your nationality – but as your savings were in USD lets hypothetically say you’re American:
    – Find the American Embassy (Google) & Book an appointment
    – Explain your circumstances: you’re a victim of domestic abuse, your abuser has taken all of your money with little hope of retrieval, you now have little/no means of getting home

    I very much doubt they will turn you away without some help or advice.

    Please consider this option and please leave this despicable man.

    Much love xx

  65. K girl

    December 30, 2015 at 11:43 am

    Contact Oloni (relationships advisor I heard she good ! ) could be of help having someone there to constantly remind you that this is not the way to live and it is not alright

    Forget what you know about him blah blah .::get rid of all this Nigerian mentality ! There are plenty men out there who don’t care … You need to be smart when running from him cause he seems possesive … Don’t lose your life over a guy you got parent to make proud and yourself to make proud ! Honestly start working on ur spiritual life too and get realistic ! One thing also it sound like you
    Don’t have anyone if you need someone to talk too .. Get in contact with bellanaija for my email !! Start a go fund me site to gather some money and run … Share your story … Take the negative and turn it positive …. Some people find your lover at various ages .., don’t rush life !!! Try survive and do what best for you .. More you stay with him more he think he are a fool and would get worst cause he know you won’t leave … Pray you don’t lose ur life over this
    Man !! It never to late for anything !!! You need friends ! Good ones be smart who you share your problems with and don’t let him know
    Of you plans to
    Leave him !!

    Willing to listen you and I
    Know soo many people who have been through this and I myself have seen how this plays out at the end
    Get in contact if you need a listener

  66. Dear

    December 30, 2015 at 11:43 am

    The truth is you have to gain that will, the will to live,be motivated by your family. Think about how much they love you, remember that
    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. He hits you a little now with time his going hit you and cause damage .no matter how much you want to believe it he doesn’t love you and you should really try and go home to your family. From what you’ve said here it seems like he can’t even take care of himself not even talking about you so go back home . Please!

  67. Reena

    December 30, 2015 at 11:43 am

    Hi, you need to leave, go back home if you can. That man does not love you, and he shows it clearly. There is no use staying clinged to someone who does not appreciate you, and want to proclaim to the world how much you mean to him. A man who loves you will uplift you, not knock you down!
    Most men try their best with a relationship before marriage, so if this is how you being treated now (which is abuse), then it will never get better when you are married.
    Another thing….NEVER let any man influence you into cutting your friends and most importantly, your family off! Family is the most important relationship you could ever have! You need to go back home, and reunite with your family, no matter how embarrassing calling off an engagement may be. Don’t get so caught up in being a bride, that you will fall for anyone, just to fulfil that dream!
    Don’t let this man fool you into thinking that he is the only man that will want to marry a woman who can’t bear children. There are lots of men out there who don’t want children, or might not be able to bear children either, or might want to adopt.
    Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and really analyse if this man loves you…does his ‘love’ look like this?
    Don’t let this man turn you from being a beautiful, strong woman, to being a weak and ugly woman. Leave now, don’t let him influence you into staying, and be happy!
    Only you can make this decision; I pray that you make the right choice for yourself!

    I will be praying for you!
    All the best

  68. Dear

    December 30, 2015 at 11:46 am

    Don’t tell him just disappear pick a time his never at home don’t let him talk you out of it for that to happen don’t let him know . Stay strong girl. And be strong willed

  69. Aisha Wahab

    December 30, 2015 at 11:47 am

    Babes firstly ThankGod u spoke out cus some people will endure all the pain. Honestly u are in a abusive relationship and the earlier u run the better for u to heal fast. He does not deserve u, forget the proposal biko! That’s not what determines a lovely marriage. U would be grateful u are seeing all the signs now. He is manipulating u cus u allowed him to do that. Please forget abt the money u lost, u will make double in fact triple sef. For ur medical condition, which report will u believe? Doctor or the God that said none shall be barren? With God all things are in possible but u need to have a personal relationship with him. It’s never too late biko. Forget what people will say jare… beside u are not living their life. It’s ur life and take control of it asap before u die of depression. Please get on the next available plane back home. U will get another job. Trust Me, u will. A man that doesn’t respect now in engagement will never ever respect u in marriage. And don’t attempt to change him cus he can’t change. Love u even if I don’t know u but was touched by ur story. All the best love.

  70. Mama p

    December 30, 2015 at 11:51 am

    The issue most women have is feeling so insecure via if I back out I won’t find someone to take me Fr me. Well dats a big lie. Step out of it,pray hard nd U see blessings all the way. Wipe Ur tears for everything happens Fr a reason. Remain blessed

  71. linda

    December 30, 2015 at 11:52 am

    My dear, marriage is not a do or die thing. U will definately commit suicide if u marry dis man cos he isn’t ur husband. Please leave d relationship cos aside d emotional abuse, it will bcome physical someday. Also, Neva conclude on wat doctors say. Pray to God n bless ur womb that a child will come forth from it someday. Marriage isnt easy esp if its only one party dat compromises n God will bless u wit ur own man. Bsds u re not that old. So many marriages re dyin within remember its nt how far but how well. God bless u. 2016 will b a yr of blessings for u.

  72. Mbanu

    December 30, 2015 at 11:56 am

    Tales by Moonlight!!!!! Story doesn’t add up, you are in a foreign country where the language is Spanish and he’s sleeping with the maid, seeing that he is a broke douche bag, how can he afford to hire a maid or is the maid being paid in kind? Also if you are as smart and intelligent as you say you are, you won’t even send this to BN.
    Now if this is a true story, I must say your low self esteem, self love and self worth is zilch, bothering what ppl will say as opposed to your happiness has been killing women since 1900.
    BN please post my comment.

  73. Goch

    December 30, 2015 at 11:57 am

    I just have this funny feeling that there is a great light at the end of this tunnel. All that is needed is for you to leave that abusive relationship. Trust me you’ll be glad you did.

  74. Oyin

    December 30, 2015 at 11:58 am

    Please get your bags & flee from the devil. From what you’ve said you are being abused physically, emotionally, financially and even neglect, seen as he doesn’t give you any money for your upkeep, or care an ounce about your wellbeing. You need to get up, get dressed and get yourself out of that demoralising situation ASAP!. And so what if you can’t have children? Does that make you any less of a human being? Absolutely NOT! Whatever happened to adopting? There’s a million and one kids out in the world in need of a loving family, might be the guy already even has his kids from a previous marriage or whatever and you can adopt, love and care for them as your own; perhaps he doesn’t even want kids at all? There’s just a whole lot of better situations which I could go on forever about rather than having to live with the devil.
    There’s a guy out there for you that would make you very happy & make you forget everything that has happened in the past.
    Girl flee from that demon; a word is enough for the wise!

  75. Enny

    December 30, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Lemme also Share an Experience this Encourage you!!!
    My uncle has been married to his wife (now his Ex-wife) for over 19years now ,and suddenly she started acting up ,she was caught Twice cheating on him and she didn’t hid it -these are people who started dating in the days of their youth! But after the two times she was caught cheating ,my uncle accepted her back without judging her or maltreating her after all she did , but because he is so gentle and a very good Christian,humble and all ,all he just wanted was to keep his family together . Then she suddenly started acting up again and this time around she says she wants a divorce ,he didn’t mention this to anyone but we noticed he was losing weight (cos he would pray and fast so for things to work out) but guess what was happening while he was doing all this -the woman was still adamant on going for a divorce- then suddenly He met someone who is a widow and the way they love each other ,honestly I haven’t seen my uncle that happy since I knew him !!!
    My advice is : People here would say it just how they feel cos they ain’t in your shoes , but seek first the Kingdom of God and every other thing can be added to you! Just leave everything to God’s hand : He will deliver You and help you sort things out ! Just cry out to him, he will hear you
    ….your writing you story isn’t just seeking advice which will not help you situations but also people should learn from this : Open your eyes when in a Relationship and Seek God’s leading !!!Only God knows the heart of every man !!!

    Sister – Just talk to God !! He is the only one that can Help and will also send you Helpers

  76. marci

    December 30, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Like seriously! !!! Please I beg you take proper action before your corpse will be sent back home. You can move to another country and stay there building your life again, if you so ashamed to go back home, if you marry him you might end up been the other woman’s nanny and househelp cause he will keep intimidating you. You have a good heart dear and deserves the best.

  77. Anonymous

    December 30, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Hey dear,
    I sympathize with you. I do not comment on any post but I could not keep calm after reading your story. I’m also a single lady about your age but I’ll tell you that until you truly learn that marriage is not the ultimate in life, you may not be truly happy and the society will make it worse for you.
    First of all, the greatest love of Jesus Christ has been made available to you. Only him can love you unconditionally and he already did by giving his life for you. All you have to do is accept and let him comfort you.
    He also has great plan for you which include marriage. He alone can make a man love you. Therefore it is important to also make sure you date someone who is genuinely in Christ (I don’t mean a church goer) because only a man with the fear of God can treat you right.
    Lastly, you have got a lot of purpose to fulfill in life asides marriage. Your career, your family, impacting your society and living for God. Channel your energy into this and in no time your man from God will appear. There is nothing impossible with God and he said no one shall be Barren in the land. Please believe only the report of the Lord and not the doctors.
    It is well with you IJN

  78. Darmie

    December 30, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Are you a born again christain?if not give your life to christ? Read your bible,meditate on Luke 1:37 (KJV) as it concern your marriage and child bearing.

  79. E

    December 30, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    Wait o . Ure not even yet married to this man? Just engaged. Girl leave! Pack ur things and run

  80. Mo

    December 30, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    If you would listen… Leave him! Marriage should not be this awful, atall. Am sure with God on your side and some medical help your health issues can be well managed. I have a friend who’s never menstrated and even had ovarian cyst and of course with adequate medical help was able to conceive and had quadruplet. Although I don’t know the nature of yours but nothing is impossible for God. You should not in anyway subject yourself to this kind of life. I am sure you ve heard of ladies who lost their lives to life that’s not worth it, like this. I am married and I know marriage isn’t often always blissful but this isnt what you get instead. Babes, get yourself out of this life. Go home, get some sanity, get cleaned up and pick up your life again. Life is beautiful on the other side and of course you deserve a whole lot more. Am sorry for what you ve had to go through but brace yourself up before its too late

  81. Countess

    December 30, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    Beauty means nothing at the end of the day. Its just a fading aesthetic.it is your own stupidity keeping you there. He is not going to marry you ever. If I were you I will swallow my pride, go back to where you started and build yourself up. You are not the only barren woman out there. Men are dying for a woman like you so carry on in your earnest prayer to God and he will give you the man you deserve.

  82. Della

    December 30, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    Use google to find the nearest shelter for women or an NGO or charity that focuses on helping abused people. You could contact Amnesty international or any organisation in that locality. It could even be a school or hospital or even a police station.

    Use google translator to translate everything you have in mind from english to spanish . Type it all out and show them in spanish. That way someone who can read spanish will have an idea of the message you are trying to pass across.

    This time, pls dont tell him. Let him get back and find out you’ve moved, you were never married anyway!

  83. pepe

    December 30, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    please retrace your step back to ur country, pray and believe in God he will send you the real man that will love you and make of you a beautiful wife you so much desire. Forget about him cause he won’t change and do not pitied him when he comes begging ,just move on with your life as begin to do the things you love doing.
    Note- NO ONE CAN LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOURSELF.

  84. Hamdy

    December 30, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Leave him… Find a way to get money, pack your things and go home. No amount of shame should stop you from going back to your family because they’ll love no matter what. In every miracle, there is a misery associated. Your own miracle is coming even if it’s at 40. You have work to do on yourself, your so fragile to even consider marriage. You can’t expect to make a two when your not even a complete one. Get up, go home and start again, like you said you are smart, beautiful and intelligent which means you can start again. Just please go home!!! That man might love you in his own fucked up way but he does not respect you not appreciate the goddess that you are!! I beg you in the name of God, go home. Your parents will rather be poor than to have you marry a beast. Fuck his begs, he’ll beg but he’ll never change!! Your not important enough for him to want to change. He doesn’t even provide for you!!! MY SISTER I BEG YOU!! Get up, come to your senses and GO HOME. And work HARD, you’ll get yourself back and spend time healing and. Stop letting your disability define who you are!

  85. Juliette

    December 30, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Who told you no one will ever be able to marry you with your health issue… where have you kept God? Take your problems to him and please leave that bastard… He’s not worth it! leave him and build your life up… become a successful person! I pray you find joy and happiness

  86. Compage

    December 30, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    No matter what your situation is, NEVER SETTLE! Leave and find your strength and affirmation in Jesus Christ. He not only saves you but He can and will open your womb up! Go back home! You can do and get everything you need in Christ. Remember, avid loves you!

  87. Mo

    December 30, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Let’s weigh the costs shall we?

    Choosing Not to marry him: TEMPORAL public Shame or ridicule from people who where never gonna go into this man’s house with you, No husband, No kids, You get to keep your money though, you get to keep your friends in your life, you get to send money home, lonely sometimes, but you get to be as ambitious as you want .

    Choosing to marry him: No friends, still No kids, No money, cheating husband who might get a kid outside, and you will STILL be lonely, not only will you be lonely, you will be ALONE ;alone with a constant reminder of how lonely you are in the eyes of the man that publicly displayed his “love” for you in public . There are no cons in being in this relationship. Can you think of one?

    I think you know what to do, and just need the courage and support to do it. I’ll pray for you. And it might surprise you how many of your friends/family will be glad to have you back. A lot of people just don’t like to point out the elephant in the room, because they don’t want to look like the gealous friend.

    Get back on your feet QUEEN. You are NOT broken, and your worth has never been subject to your reproductive system. You owe no man a favor just because he’s willing to bare the burden of not having biological children with you. You are not a liability, and anyone who doesn’t see that, doesn’t understand your worth, and that’s okay. They’re just not for you.

    Don’t stress about your age. Way too many of our women have committed marital suicide because people won’t shut up about their age, and these women are miserable , while these whiners move on with their jolly lives. My sister please it’s not worth it.

  88. bruno

    December 30, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    if the woman believes the relationship is
    worth saving she should go down on her knees
    in prayer and try to seek help from someone
    with experience in this kind of situation and I
    believe there is no smoke without a fire so
    something has probably led to this situation
    u are facing. Cheer up Mrs I believe
    every problem has a solution the question is
    are you willing to find it. From someone who
    cares

    • Tari

      December 30, 2015 at 2:21 pm

      Who is impersonating my dear Bruno?

  89. Cheryl

    December 30, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Dear Beloved in Christ

    There will be someone out there that will accept you and marry you with your condition. My advise to you sister is to pack up and go home and there you will start your life afresh. Secondly prayer my love conquers all. I believe that God has so much more He wants for us to have if we put him first and trust His guidance.

    Sometimes pain and guilt from past can diminish the way we see and value ourselves.
    We need not be afraid to start over and learn to love and value ourselves again. God never forsakes genuine repentance. He forgave us and now we must forgive ourselves. God loves you.

    Go home to your loved ones.

  90. Mo

    December 30, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    Let’s weigh the costs shall we?

    Choosing Not to marry him: TEMPORAL public Shame or ridicule from people who where never gonna go into this man’s house with you, No husband, No kids, You get to keep your money though, you get to keep your friends in your life, you get to send money home, lonely sometimes, but you get to be as ambitious as you want .

    Choosing to marry him: No friends, still No kids, No money, cheating husband who might get a kid outside, and you will STILL be lonely, not only will you be lonely, you will be ALONE ;alone with a constant reminder of how lonely you are in the eyes of the man that publicly displayed his “love” for you in public . There are no cons in being in this relationship. Can you think of one?

    I think you know what to do, and just need the courage and support to do it. I’ll pray for you. And it might surprise you how many of your friends/family will be glad to have you back. A lot of people just don’t like to point out the elephant in the room, because they don’t want to look like the jealous friend.

    Get back on your feet QUEEN. You are NOT broken, and your worth has never been subject to your reproductive system. You owe no man a favor just because he’s willing to bare the burden of not having biological children with you. You are not a liability, and anyone who doesn’t see that, doesn’t understand your worth, and that’s okay. They’re just not for you.

    Don’t stress about your age. Way too many of our women have committed marital suicide because people won’t shut up about their age, and these women are miserable , while these whiners move on with their jolly lives. My sister please it’s not worth it.

  91. ElessarisElendil

    December 30, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    I’m sorry, I stopped reading after you started listing problems ” he doesn’t show me he cares. I am abused at the slightest opportunity. Calling me names I have never been called. He cheats on me so much that it breaks my heart” This is where your smart intelligent side should have kicked in. SMH. An aside, I suggest you start researching surrogates, being barren is no longer the end of the world. You can even go it solo should you wish.

    • Tunmi

      December 30, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      I couldn’t read past the fourth paragraph. Doesn’t it always start with verbal abuse. But you take that? We need to start enlightening people on how to spot abusers. It always start with verbal abuse. It doesn’t matter whether it is jokingly or during a fight, there will be an insult or name-calling.

  92. jesbadoma

    December 30, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    Never stay with a man who doesn’t know your worth.
    You don’t need to be marriied to be happy my dear. It’s all in the mind.
    You are afraid no one will love you because of your barreness? Girlfriend, in which era are you living? The right man will love you for yourself, and if you find him or he finds you, believe me he will be the one to propose alternative means of having a child /children. Flee now before it’s too late.

  93. Pumpkin

    December 30, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    Take that ticket you bought and go back home. Trust in God your family will understand. Also there are plenty of men out there that do not want children, no one deserves to be treated this way. Call it quits while you can.

  94. Bree

    December 30, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Hi,
    I think I can relate with your situation. Once been in those shoes but i can’t say which hurts more, because there is a bit of it we can’t say.
    what is holding you back is not the fear of who will marry you it is the fear of not making the same mistake the fear of how to start a new relationship. It’s a good start you know you’re beautiful. It’s your choice at the end of the day to take the advice of what we all saying you should do.
    I walked out of an abusive relationship i almost got married to, one month to my intro, by talking to one person “me” after a beating of my life that almost got me blind and ugly i was psychological and emotionally traumatized physically abused. today so many great things are happening to me.
    Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and speak at the woman looking at you, tell her everything. I’m very sure you will make the best choice.
    No Woman or Man is born perfect . I have mine you have yours, so as your almost to be ex fiancee ? but it our choice of whose flaws we choose to be blind to and is harmless. Be Wise dear. There are so many species of fishes in the sea. But you can decide to fish from a river Or lagoon the choice is yours. But the sea is beautiful and interesting

  95. Odi

    December 30, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    Sweetheart, that guy has turned you to his unvalued property. Please leave that torture of a relationship ASAP. I’m not mean but am using these words to express how much more you deserve.
    Trust me GOOD MEN are out there,you don’t have to settle for less. I don’t know you but reading this its obvious that you have fire (content). You are too much for that man, please leave him sharply so doesn’t kill your fire. I want to introduce you to a man that knowing changes every thing, His name is JESUS! knowing this man has turned my life around. you have to understand what love is before you can give or receive genuine love. Jesus is love. Am not married yet but knowing Jesus is enough. Knowing him completes you and when he show his awesomeness you wouldn’t be able to explain the feeling. this is obviously the route to a new beginning.

  96. anonymous

    December 30, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    my advice is for you to gather all the courage you can and leave! you’re in an abusive relationship and i understand how difficult it is for you to leave. men like that tend to dismantle your connection from the world, drain you of your self-esteem, make you feel worthless/unwanted and most of all they psychologically make you highly dependent on them. I suggest your see and therapist when you leave this man because you may not know it now, but you will need all the help in the world to get over the emotional trauma you’re going through. Infertility is a problem that can be solved in many ways and with prayer, nothing is impossible. There’ll always be a man out there for you and with time you’ll find Mr. right and wear that beautiful wedding gown. Don’t ever accept an apology from this man, just leave the very moment you get a chance.

  97. Aforo

    December 30, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    It’s heart breaking to hear stories like this. But I honestly think you should leave and never look back. He proposed marriage doesn’t mean you have to marry him. You’re worried the rest of the world would look at you different? My dear what the rest of the world thinks of you is really none of your business. You said it yourself; you’re beautiful, smart and real. If being real means giving the world exactly what you are then I don’t see what your problem here is except that you’re eating a can of rotting worms and you seem to find everything wrong with it but you’re afraid to admit it to yourself. Truth is; to be a 30 year old Nigerian without a husband nor children isn’t an easy thing. You’ll have a horrid dose of ‘won’t you get married? Are you barren? I heard she’s barren, I heard this and I heard that’ from all over. Oh not forgetting the popular one; she’s a witch. But it’s up to you to act on those things or not. I’m not saying there will not be times when you feel like you should hang yourself and just die but you need to pull yourself together and move on because you’re the only one who knows where you’re headed. If you do not move on, I hate to admit but you’re not likely to live to see your fortieth. If you stay with him, you’re doing so out of pity and the day you snap out of it, it’s going to be hell. So I suggest you pack up your bags and leave. It won’t be easy in the start but it definitely gets better. This is probably going to be cliché but you need to trust and hold on to God because your life depends on it. I hope this brings you solace and helps you to take that step you’re so afraid of taking. ?

  98. tosan

    December 30, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    It won’t stop I tell you, I understand your dilemma,the fact you don’t want to have to face shame and the fact that you secretly hope he will change like all those good stories we read,but it won’t cuz this is reality.he is weak and abuses you to make himself feel confident but he isnt,he is not for you girl.we will all tell you to run and leave no matter how he begs which he will,but you won’t still heed the advice cuz u think you are in love but let me tell you something,for you to love someone or even love @ all you have to love the most person and that’s you,if you don’t love yourself enuf to stand up then I have nothing to say to you but if you do I will tell you that viral ain’t life,social media is just social media and not your life,its time for you tell yourself fuck them if they don’t like the fact am unengaged that’s their concern,cuz my life matters.its time to come home sweetie,cuz I bet you nobody is gonna judge when they understand where you coming frm and if they do they won’t do it to your face and if they do set them straight,you said you are intelligent and smart and beautiful you can start again you did it once you can Damn well do it again,pls don’t be another lost sister to the abuse community,dont hate yourself that much.and another thing,if he suPposedly accepted the fact you are infertile,you will find a better person I tell you.dont stay with him only cuz he said he is d only one who will accept you for it cuz he is a liar,just be you and you will be surprised and I have a good feeling about you, you wud be ok just answer all these pple that don’t know you but care enough to tell you to go home.you will be welcomed. I LOVE YOU,but before you accept my love, love yourself first.i hope you listen no matter how hard it is,if u tell him he s gonna always beg you and shame u afterwards for listening but we are begging and aren’t gonna shame you,go home,before it’s your lifeless body that leaves don’t say no its nt possible cuz an insult results to a shove, a shove a beating,then @ the end death plsss use your head and think don’t let this words waste plsss

  99. XXX

    December 30, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Is this story real? If it is, my dear lady, are you really ok? So after all these you want to still get married to him? Go ahead and that will be your funeral! Your disability is not rare my darling. There are many guys out there that do not mind adopting. Do not limit God and yourself! You deserve true happiness. Fleeeeeeeeeee from this son of the devil biko!

  100. Chioma

    December 30, 2015 at 1:42 pm

    You aren’t married to him so there is no stress just leave him and quick before he makes your life more miserable…secondly he beg you to stay and you wasted your last cash on a flight ticket you didn’t use?? Next time you get a ticket don’t even tell him just leave when he goes out…also please Make sure you get back every dollar he took from you (look for a way) and finally who said a woman needs a man to make her happy…adopt children of your own, children are gifts from God and they’ll make you happy, when you eventually find a man make sure he is in love with you before you say Yes to the ring not every man is mature enough for marriage…but you really need to leave fast…Goodluck

  101. Mabinuori

    December 30, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    This story is not well fabricated at all.
    Abeg…wetin una dey take housemaid do?
    Please gerraradia before dem begin post RIP for you. Abi you are waiting for him to start beating you on top all the nonsense he is doing already? What are you even doing in the idiot’s house sef. Na you sell yourself cheap o. Na your fiance no be husband ke. To ba ti e je husband gan paapaa, dem no bury your umbilical cord there na. You berra borrow Blessing Okagbare legs make you pick race quick!!!!!

  102. Talkactive

    December 30, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    Emmmm wait o…………..na Bruno dey give godly counsel so abi i dey dream ni.
    Praise da Lord o…2016 is gonna be a fantastic year!!!!!!
    Preach it..pastor Bruno!!!

    • Tari

      December 30, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Hacker alert!!

  103. Tari

    December 30, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    How many people tapped into that viral proposal?

  104. Anonymous101

    December 30, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Lady,
    Rather you bear the stigma of being engaged and dumped than suffer in a marriage. May God give you the courage to do so. One day you will look back and say “Thus far my God has brought me”. Rich or broke..family is always family. Go back home and start again. There’s something better in store for you even if it doesn’t look like it. And for this man, forgive him. Every dog surely had his day.. My prayers are with you. Sincerely,

  105. Drina

    December 30, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    My dear I will be praying for you. Please remove yourself from this Situation. Read Proverbs 12:22 it talks about his lies, read Hebrews 13:4 this man will definitely pay for what he’s done to you. Proverbs 6:32. Read 1peter 3:7 tells you how men should treat women. Read Matthew 18 v15-17. And lastly the man has a lot of demonic spiritual things that dwell within him… Please read this Bible verse everyday… Even after you’ve left him psalms 91 read the whole chapter. You will be fine.. Don’t worry about social stigma worry about what God your father wants for your life!
    With love,
    Drina

  106. Rita

    December 30, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    Dear Beautiful and intelligent woman!
    You have begun to doubt yourself. You have lost your self worth and security within. You have let your fear of not being loved take you into the arms of a man who is full of insecurities, false promises and no self worth. Your values and morals have been jeopardized and you have chosen to stop fighting and become lazy all because you want love. Love with this man? He has displayed his type of love and yet you reward him still with your loyalty and your heart, that you have allowed to become as worthless as him. You say you are strong and you work hard for what you have in your life. But because of your ignorance and pure laziness you have allowed this man to strip you from what you knew and what you worked hard to have. Stop giving excuses and stop asking for help. No one can help you. No one will come save you. Not even your own family or your old friends. Face the reality of the situation and make an intelligent decision then stick with it. Choose to stay with him and continue to be emotionally abused and I’m sure at some point fisically. Stay by his side and be proud to be the wife of a man with no worth, because YOU chose to be. Or leave, take the risk of humiliation from those whom you called friend. Start over and rebuild yourself. It may take some time to build but lose the laziness and retain the humility you have been taught. Life is full of leasons. Don’t act like your the only one out there dealing with this problem. He isn’t holding you against your will. You have just shown him your weakness and chose to let him keep you. You allowed yourself to stay in the situation because you lost yourself. You aren’t the only woman in the world who can’t have children. There are so many men out there who have chosen the path of loving a woman who loves herself and the cards she was delt. Stop being a pitied and sad woman. It doesn’t suit you. Unless you would rather this new face. Which means you will never be that beautiful bride you dreamt of along with the mother you thought you would be. This is the harsh reality of your situation. Change it if you chose. A better man, job and friends await you. Possibly a child who was dealt the cards of having no parents awaits you should you chose. There is always an answer or another road to take should the one you are on not work for your heart. But it’s all up to you my beautiful and intelligent friend.

  107. oby

    December 30, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    First of all, u need to become numb towards him and ignore him. Then u start by finding a way to make money, if it’s to get a job or some kind of business. You have to sell off that ring cuz $25000 no be change just quietly and jejely sell off d much you can in that house so that you can afford to move out. Bottom line is u ve to gather as much money as u can before u leave.
    Then u can now begin to process your feelings abt the whole situation but what makes it better is that you are doing it from a place of strength and on your own terms. Cuz I can understand you coming back with nothing hurts so leave, make something of yourself then if u are OK u can travel home please please please don’t let him know abt it or even sense it so that he doesn’t hurt or try to beg you cuz trust me they don’t change so u ve be sharp. Leave emotion @ one corner and save yourself. If possible u can start with the money for the ticket. My dear if nah husband you for find infact u go confuse but save yourself to ve d opportunity to enjoy the next 60+ years of your life. Please don’t involve anyone cuz they will spoil show only if that person wants to give u money or help u get back on your feet. Just keep calm and plan your way out

  108. The Underwear Consultant

    December 30, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Your story….breaks my heart…i couldnt even finish reading it.

    I can only try to imagine what you are going through….but my dear…

    You shouldn’t have to endure such….and I am glad you have come to realise you are being abused.

    You need to leave, You need to find the courage to leave and go home….a heartbreak won’t kill you, that I can promise, yes it’ll hurt……because…i am not being a prophet of doom…but it won’t get any better.

    Every woman needs a man who will respect her…..love her and make her feel worthy. Not disrespect, humiliate and maltreat her….

    I pray God sends help your way.

  109. belle

    December 30, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    When you meet the right man,he will love you for you, get out of that relationship no matter how hard it may seem and another door will open. The Lord will help you

  110. oby

    December 30, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    U will marry and ve children there is no doubt by whatever means u try. From ur story u stay in d USA so my dear when u ve freed yourself try other people from different ethnicities u can tolerate but on your own terms, it may take time but you will be very Happy @ d end

  111. mz_danielz

    December 30, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    I started writing a response when I realized I would be responding to the wrong aunty Bella Article.

    Your story should be ‘He did all this to me and I’ve left him, how do I make myself happy so I can rebuild my self worth and enjoy my life?’ not this long epistle you’ve written because you and I know that the best option is to leave this relationship and the best way to leave is to leave. Asin, stand up, pack your bags and go to a friend’s house. If you have no friends. go to Bella naija’s office and ask them to help you.

    @Bella, it should be more than publishing ‘aunty bella epistle abi?’

  112. oby

    December 30, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Oh! Sorry thought u were inn USA my bad. My dear nah church matter oh. U need to find a man of God to help you get out or u try and find your way to your home country ‘s embassy. Take heart

  113. bayowilson

    December 30, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    My advice? Stay with him till you die in few years time #Whitney. Shebi you say you are INTELLIGENT and SMART. So you need people to be yelling “Leave him, leave him” before you know what to do. *pele* #SMH

  114. ehniorlah

    December 30, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    I know What it feels like to want happiness, but u being happy shouldn’t depend on someone else or what others think. U should create own joy. The fact that u suffer from infertility doesnt mean you should settle for an asshole who is just a waste of time. So what you’re already 30, age is really just a number. Being married does guarantee you “happily ever after” in fact there is no such thing. Regarding your inability to conceive, don’t see your self as disable cause you’re beautifully created in ur own way, u’ll find some who will love u d way u r. Nd sweetie there are other means to have kids. DON’T be a sloppy woman, look urself in the mirror nd say u weren’t born to be someone’s toy…I know its not easy but a month from now, I want you to write back 2 ol of us dat have taken time to listen to u, nd show us ure a strong woman nd uve made the choice that is right for you & you alone…DUMB D NIGGA.

  115. ehniorlah

    December 30, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    And After dumping him, if d ring he gave has value, don’t give it back. Sell it and buy a plane ticket.

  116. Shade

    December 30, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    My dear this is abuse of the highest order. There are centers for women that are abused in america I am not sure what part of the world you are in
    But you need to seek help immediately. If a man asked you to delete your social media he is afraid that you will find help. Don’t hesitate to go and find help o. No matter what your condition may be it is still not a way to treat anyone. The bible says is there anything too hard for God to do. You may have a condition but what if your condition is to testify to the glory of God. I will pray for you that that the power of the most high God will rest upon you and begin to replace whatever is missing in your womb that will not allow you to conceive in Jesus name. And my dear if you have recognized the abuse now it is time for you to flee and not look back. May God grant you the grace to move forward and not look back. I pray for you that God will find you your own Joseph that will accept you for who you are.

  117. Chioma

    December 30, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    My advice , pray to God to give u the courage and strength to leave him now.

  118. Grown Woman

    December 30, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    That dude is cursed my God…you need to drop him like a bad habit see what marriage has become!!God please intervene these unhealthy rships. ONLY GOD can pull her out of that rship i don’t see her leaving this nigga soon.Run to your embassy and seek some help.May God help you.

  119. Phunmie

    December 30, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Get out of there!

  120. dee

    December 30, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    sister me……run like never before. if u do. I promise you will never regret

  121. Some Guy Bi Like That

    December 30, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    You’ve wasted enough time.
    First of all Seek Jesus. If you don’t know him, invite him into your life and He’ll make you whole and new. If you already know Him, ask him to deliver you from this situation and He definitely will.
    Secondly, you better get yourself Straight Outta There back to your homeland. Trust me there’s no place like home.
    You just might have to stop believing in fairy tale marriages, just have hope that your prince charming will definitely come BUT he won’t be in a shining amour (not literally).
    Most importantly i hope you read this comment and take my advice. Cheers!

  122. Abigail-Zambia

    December 30, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    Sister leave him you will love again if you are a Christian am sure you know that nothing is impossible with God…he is able to open up your womb but first leave and start afresh

  123. s.j

    December 30, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    a broken engagement is 1000 times better than a broken marriage. trust me in one year nobody will care about a proposal that went viral. news breaks everyday and yesterday’s news is old. have the courage to leave him for your own good. you must learn to forgive yourself and sometimes that is so hard but it is you that will suffer the most if you do not leave him. He likes to keep up appearances and he lives for the applause, people like him are very dangerous and you should run for your life. he will beg and promise to change but it will be a change for the worse once you are married to him. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, everyone makes mistakes and you have made yours, find the strength to rise above it so that you will be able to help someone else someday. Don’t play the victim. do you believe in prayer? if yes, you should pray for the strength from God to leave this toxic relationship. As for your health situation, do not use it as a crutch. there are medical advances everyday and oneday you will have a child of your own if you put on a positive attitude and believe…trust me anything is possible. i wish you the best.

  124. Becca

    December 30, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Tells us how smart & intelligent she is then proceeds to tell us how foolish she actually is. Can’t deal,sorry to be so crude. If you’re smart enough to realise you are being abused (most abused don’t see it so & make excuses for their abuser) then you should be able to use your ‘alleged intelligence’ to rid yourself of this nonsense.
    Too irritated to even feel sorry for you,maybe if you didn’t describe yourself as smart, intelligent & put together I’d have more sympathy but from your analysis & awareness of the predicament , you are deliberately subjecting yourself to the abuse when you have resources to bail, because what? to save yourself from public embarrassment. Sometimes one needs to be cruel to be kind & a pity-party isn’t what you need.

  125. ngozi

    December 30, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    uhmm girll.. please listen to yourself, you borrowed a guy 25,000 USD when your family depends on you?????.. please go to church on NYE and ask GOD to forgive you for being soo naive and pray for wisdom in 2016… chaiii… the hustle for MRS.. i just turned 30 too and single but trusting God, my dear wipe your tears it is well..

  126. Pam

    December 30, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    This is my first time commenting on this website, hopefully cases like this won’t happen in 2016.

    Dear person, if no one else loves you, God does. A man (sent by God) is meant to be a protector, provider and a leader (spiritually, financially etc) for a woman. If you do not feel protected by this man, provided for or feel like you are being led in the right direction please run. At this point, bothering yourself with how others will see you (broken engagement, inability to bear a child) should be the least of your concern.
    Emotional abuse is by far more dangerous than physical abuse and eventually it will get there due to frustration.
    I don’t know where you are but if your story is indeed true, i am willing to help. Locate a shelter, contact your family back home. No parent would want to see their child suffer and be in so much pain.
    This is my sincere and honest advice (from a Christian perspective)… some might say the response is too Holy, but I don’t owe anyone but God.
    My email address is [email protected], I hope you get the help you need. Please keep me posted, I’ll say a prayer for you

    Fellow readers;
    I think it’s stories/situations like these that we should all tune into, and instead of putting this person down let’s all work together to help them. We do not know how many people reading this article are in a similar situation or even worse. They are most likely reading the comments to see the kind of response this article is getting before they share their story.

  127. Ma

    December 30, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    I am glad u have come here for advice, and I really hope and just pray u listen to bellanaijarians. You need to pray to God and ask for strength and peace because what u are going through is not easy. I’m saying pray because u need to get out of that place. When u pray u realise God loves u more than this, There’s a man for u out there. I tell u it will only get worse. Emotional abuse will lead to physical and anything can happen( God forbid).
    The guy in question is a loser. Whether u can have kids or not u shouldn’t be with this type of person because he doesn’t even love u so ask yourself what is the point? You just want to be married? Have a title as a wife but be in deep pain. God will not be happy with u if u choose that life because he has created better for u.
    You can still have kids, you can adopt.
    Please leave this man, go home but pray that ur family understands. Think about them so u can start making money again to feed them.
    Please keep us posted
    We care.X

  128. Ma

    December 30, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    Please email me at [email protected]. You need all the help you can get. Please and be careful and stay safe.

  129. Tosin

    December 30, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    I’m sorry Baby. He’s mean. He’s trapped you. But you deserve to be free. The truth is there is no forward with this guy, he does not have good intentions towards you. A part of you believes that because you haven’t got childbearing xyz that you’re discounted goods. This guy now picked up on that and magnified it, making it as if you’re a rag sef. Thank God, a big part of you knows that you’re a fabulous jewel: beloved and brainy, with balls and brains, and that’s just the beginning.

    I would love to see you punish this mofo, take legal action against him for your money, dump him, and by all means be happy and successful. Except if he can be born-again shaaaaa, I don’t know.

  130. Dominique

    December 30, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    If only you Will agree with what I m about to say now I think it will help you to view things from a different perspective. To start with you need to understand that marriage is not for everybody. You don’t just go into marriage because others are going int o it or your parents are mounting pressure on you to settle down to build your own family. You need to understand yourself and purpose in life. I can assure you today that it is about what this man is did or doing presently to you but are just trying everything possible to do the wrong thing at the wrong time and place. If God created you without womb then u need to understand that it is for a reason why try kill yourself over the issue of marriage what I m trying to say is that seek God for the clarity of purpose and start allover again.thank you

  131. NaijaBluey

    December 30, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    Oh dear, I’m really sorry for all that you are going through. You already know he doesn’t love you,wouldn’t it be wise for you to walk out of the relationship? Trust me,the last thing you want to happen to you is to be scared of your husband and he’s gonna make life a living hell for you, so just jejely give him his ring back, it won’t be the end of the world. The thought of not having a child of your own is sad but don’t be,there’s this scripture I absolutely love,it says;” no temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man;but God is faithful, he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear,but with the temptation he will also make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it”. God will always make a way out if you believe. Get yourself together. Do stuffs that make you happy.You said you are smart and intelligent, make use of it and you can always reach out to the less privileged children and watch God bless you. *teddy bear hug*

  132. Pearl

    December 30, 2015 at 8:05 pm

    It’s paining me cos I feel you won’t take all these advice cos u already know what to do. My aunt’s colleague at the office died some days back, how did she die? Her husband threw her downstairs from a storey building and this lady was pregnant o. You better run for your life, that’s if u value it. That’s the only thing I hv to add.

  133. Ekky

    December 30, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    I’ll say this just once, better to be single than to be married to a debtor & a cheat..
    U sha, i no fit shout

  134. dammy

    December 30, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    RUN AWAY!!!! MARRIAGE HAS ITS DOWNS BUT THIS IS NOT IT. YOU ARE NOT EVEN LEGALLY MARRIED YET, SO PLEASE LEAVE HIM.

  135. Friday's other child

    December 30, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Hello,

    I couldn’t tell whether you’re a Spanish speaker that is settled in another country or a foreigner living in a Spanish speaking country. So while I can’t give specific advice, my general advice to you would be to head to your high commission or embassy, explain that you are being abused and that you desperately need help being repatriated back home. If they cannot help you directly, ask them to put you in touch with organisations that can help you. You may also be able to find these organisations online yourself. Please go home to your loved ones, this man is killing you every day.

    Please also consider that every human being deserves to be loved and being loved is different to being married. You weren’t born with a deformity, there are many ways to experience motherhood if this is an important goal for you and a man who truly loves you will explore those options with you.

    Do not let this man kill you, break you, turn you into someone that even you won’t recognise. Please go home to your loved ones.

  136. mama

    December 30, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    Babe you are stupid. Bella, publish my comment! Ahan!! This is just too much. Run run run

  137. Natu

    December 30, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    This is what happens when a society brainwashes women and girls in believing that their happiness is solely dependent on men. Please let leave all these insecurities, low self esteem and man issues in 2015. 2016 should be the year of achievement, happiness, blessing , development and prosperity.
    Happy new year y’all!!!

    • Omoye

      December 31, 2015 at 4:35 am

      Society isn’t responsible for jack. If other women have sense and you don’t, if ‘society’ did not bless them with folly and lack of self-esteem, why is it her, abi does she have half a brain??

      Lady I hope to never be as foolish as you. You’re not even asking for tips on how to leave/run, you’re still contemplating staying. Wait until your 40, he gives you and STD or kpatakpata kills you. Sha hope you are a practicing Believer so at the end of this your suffer life you will enjoy heaven with Christ.

  138. Super Mumu

    December 31, 2015 at 4:44 am

    Hard for me to believe this story.

  139. Ndidiamaka

    December 31, 2015 at 6:09 am

    I’ll be very, VERY real with you & I hope you need this advice/truth. The issue here is not the guy you are with – you clearly know he is a sad excuse of a human being & he will do nothing but drag you through the morass & pathetic road of perfidy he is on. The issue here honey is you.

    You.

    You.

    You said several times that you are beautiful but you don’t believe it. You have accepted that this birth defect makes you disgusting & lacking in worth & consequently have given this man permission to treat you this way. No matter what any of us say, you will go back to him if he begs right because you don’t believe any man would want you. I don’t know whose words you heard in your youth, whose report you have chosen to believe but until you know that you know that you KNOW WHOSE you are, you will never overcome this struggle. You cannot create a single hair on your head. No person can. God made you & God creates good. Say that over and over to yourself until you believe it then pray, take your paltry belongings & LEAVE.

  140. JULIET

    December 31, 2015 at 11:03 am

    my dear, only God can heal your pains but you can also help yourself by taking a decision that will make you look up and thank God for it. my advice for you is to leave him in your mind and physically by doing what makes you happy. goodluck

  141. Monique

    December 31, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Hello Dear
    1. You have one life to live ,u and u only is responsible for your life and how u live it .
    2. Should what people think or say mean more to you than ur life ?
    3. Take the bold step today !leave now that u can walk don’t wait until u are carried out .(Dead).
    Believe in ur self again and pick up the little pieces left make it whole again and start over .
    You are special and deserve to be loved regardless of whatever situation .
    Will put you in prayers .

  142. richestnigeriangal

    January 2, 2016 at 1:51 am

    Hi poster, if you still feeling down. Here is my email adress [email protected] message me. I would be very useful to you. You need positive energy around you. I have been through my own fair share of a truamatic relationship. You do not have a problem just dont make you bf ruin your blessings. God has allowed you live with your problem becos u can handle it. Nobody has tge right to make you feel less. You re beautiful just as you re and yes there re men who would marry u and love u just the wayyou re.

  143. mr white

    January 4, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    I know this girl.Her name is – and she left a good job in Abuja for an idiot she met online.This predator has been trying to deceive so many ladies but T.J fell for him.Now all d goodies are gone and u are worried or ashamed to return home.Pick u urself girl and run for ur life before that animal kills u.Remember that ur people don’t know him and no where to trace him to.U are a follow already but I need u to run if not for anything bit for ur life.

  144. Write me

    January 15, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Writer, write me the moment you get this if you can. [email protected]

  145. Aviela

    January 18, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    You are in a VERY abusive relationship,he has cut you off from friends who can give you support and has made you utterly dependent on him,his tears because you were leaving is all part of the abuse,he just emotionally blackmailed you,truth be told it is better you go back home with the “stigma”as you called it of being engaged and dumped,even though i doubt anybody would see it as that once they hear your story,and even if they do,so what?you are not the first and i doubt you would be the last.

  146. Ebere

    March 27, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    Here is my response to her
    My dear,

    It breaks my heart that I have to say goodbye, because I thought that we could make it.

    Sorry for the disappointment that I proved to me, by not being anywhere near perfect.

    But to help you recollect, here are some facts that you need to remember:

    1. We never stayed in Atlanta, we lived in Paraguay

    2. I was never arrested and I have never been arrested for owing, neither have I been arrested ever since the last time in 1995 when i was involved into fight.

    3. I have had issues with the law but to my best of knowledge I am not a criminal, but in business things happen and the work of police is to investigate and file a charge when need be, but there has never been any charge filled against me for anything.

    4. Before you came into my life I was doing well, I am not perfect but I wasn’t either complaining or creating debts, all the debts that I created happened when you came to my life.

    5. I don’t borrow money from people, the only one I borrowed money from was you, which you sent to family in Nigeria on my behalf, the amount is 3.5 Million Naira only.

    6. I owe my workers which I am not proud of and which I am paying off, that does not make me a devil.

    7. I don’t brag, which is evident from the fact that you never heard me talking about what I own to people whom I communicate with over the phone not even once, besides before we met I never told you that I had even a car.

    8. I love dressing and everyone has what makes him happy, the money you lent me was partly spent on people that needed money, the only shoe i bought with part of the money was the one you gave to me as a gift the day that I took you for a shopping.

    9.Sorry I don’t think that I am rich never told you I was or I am, but I know that I don’t beg people for food either. Before you came into my life I am proud to say that I was extremely comfortable beyond the level of looking for a girl to survive.

    10. You told me when you came that your fantasy was having a 3some, you even went out on the night of our engagement to stripe clubs in search of a girl for you, because I can remember that you told me that you love girls as you were disvirgined by your school mother and you got hooked to girls, which you have struggled severally to stay clean on.

    11. Not even in my dream did I ever had sex or even thought of sleeping with the house girl.

    12. Your facebook I deactivated before you, when you told me you wanted to close it but could’t figure out how to because I asked you close your social media accounts, which I showed you by example by closing my facebook. Your instagram you never closed even after telling me lies about closing it, your BBM you must have closed by yourself and your phone contacts you never deleted, you have up till date.

    13. You were allowed to work in my office, I encouraged you but you hadn’t any interest because you called my projects waste of time, sorry my dear they are creative projects that don’t exist anywhere else in the world. Even easygown that I designed for you that is a very promising startup you never had time for it, instead you were busy searching for jobs outside, that was one of the reasons I saw you as not being supportive and not smart, not because you couldn’t give me money because as much as I know I met you.

    14. You came to Brasil with fake handbags, fake travelling bag, fake watches, I am the one that bought for you original designers that you had. We lived in a city that you never liked their saloon, I even encouraged you to cut your hair instead of having the headache of saloons, yes sometime I never had money but you never lacked the basics.

    15.Yes you are beautiful but external beauty is not everything.

    These answers are for your post online:

    weddingdigestnaija.com/132756-2/

    Anyway now that you are home, I wish you the best, the money I owe you I will pay you soon. First I have to put my life back to where it was before we met.

    With love

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