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Girl Spice: Abuja Wives, Come & Get Your Men

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I only noticed him when he stopped to ask me if the ATM worked.

Yes it does, it paid me. I replied not looking up like was typical of me.

Then he said “Oh Thank God! “, visibly heaving a sigh of relief. That’s when I really looked at him.

He was cute. The lower part of his face was covered in black stringy strands leaving his lips looking pink in the middle of all that black. I’m kind of a sucker for the beard gang thing.

I smiled as our eyes met and then he said “Wait a minute! I don’t always get to see girls your height, Can I call you sometime?

Instinctively my eyes zoomed to the fourth finger of his left hand.

It was bare. Mentally giving myself the “All clear signal”

I looked up at him, smiled and of course, I gave the digits.

The rest of the day had me waiting for the call, checking my phone every minute or so. Just when I was about to slip into bed, the long awaited call came. The conversation was as good as the face .I ticked box number 1 on my checklist.

Next morning another call to politely ask for a date, I ticked box number 2 but that was as far as I got.

I was waltzing through my day at the office in anticipation for the 6pm date when I remembered he mentioned he worked at the same office with my cousin. Now background check is something I do as much as I can, saves me a lot of time and heartache. I made that call and your guess is as good as mine. He was married! The bubbly feeling came to a halt like a deflated balloon, replaced by a dampening feeling that resurfaced every two minutes.

There goes Mr. Beard gang.

I remember the guy I met last month. Something didn’t quite add up about him. I kept getting the feeling that he was married so I asked him the “How many kids have you got?” question. (That is my code for: Are you married? Just so they think I am okay with it and have no reason to want to lie)

That when he started the “my family is in Lagos” story. And so it goes with many others whose families are in Enugu, Calabar, the United states, you name it. Not leaving out the ones whose families live just behind your street. Yea! Those too

Now I’m sure it’s not news that married men seek other women outside their homes. It’s been going on since forever and will continue till the end of time. But then, here is my big BUT….

I used to think they did this to get sexual satisfaction outside their marriage. (Since some men find it hard to stick to one woman).However what I hear every time shocks me and leaves me wondering what is going on in this marriage business and if it’s worth it in the first place. Most of them say they want companionship, somebody they can talk to. This, I cannot seem to wrap my head around. What is the essence of marriage when your partner cannot fill that purpose in your life? Why did you get married in the first place?

Excuse me but I think I would me more offended and hurt if my husband sought companionship in another woman, than if he sought sexual satisfaction. Not that the latter is a better wrong, but if I were to choose between two evils……. I‘ll just leave that here.

Hey! Nigerian women…Abuja women…Women whose husbands live in Abuja without them.

What is going on?

These men live as though they were single; they pursue women with more vigor than an average single guy would. They are ready to be insulted, embarrassed and still persist.

It is annoying.

There are girls who don’t mind and there are girls like me who do. I am not a marriage expert, but I think there must be a problem somewhere and I am really worried about the alarming rate of married men seeking companionship and love elsewhere.

How did you choose your life partner? Why can’t she fulfill that part of your needs?

If you are a married man in this situation, I want to hear from you. What went wrong? What is the “Mrs” missing?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

Girls spice is a girl like any other single girl living and working in the nation’s Capital. She believes in love. Not just any kind of love, the type you see in fairytales. She considers herself an incurable romantic and writes anonymously on https://dairyofanincurableromantic.wordpress.com

120 Comments

  1. Peter

    December 1, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    I’m married and would stick to my wife no matter what though I believe men are wire to be with any woman that will make them feel like a king.
    overcomershaven.com

    • Damilola

      December 1, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      @Peter

      Anybody can be wired to do anything. women are wired to be with a man that will treat them like a queen too. However, It’s a matter of choice and self control. Good for you, for taking your marriage seriously.

      I read, that a high number of gay sex workers were arrested in Abuja and majority were married men. How come we are not talking about that. . Is that the in thing now, men sleeping with men for money/power then go back to their several wives. That’s very disturbing.

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 6:20 pm

      forget that wiring thing.
      Who wan cheat go cheat. It is not gender specific.

    • Di

      December 1, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      Firstly, I won’t applaud you for doing what you are supposed to do; after all we don’t go around applauding college students for showing up to classes they paid for.
      Lastly, I don’t agree with your theory, these cheating husbands may have mothers that make them feel like a king too, does that compel them to want to f**k their mothers?
      I will stick with Steve Harvey’s theory; for centuries women wonder why men cheat, men give illogical excuses, use reverse psychology etc but among men they know the silent unspoken answer, they cheat because can get away with it with zero consequences.
      Their women will stay at the end of the day, that is if she gets to know.

    • Di

      December 2, 2015 at 12:42 am

      People give the wack excuse that it natural for men to cheat. Aside from sexual urge there are other things natural to men like anger, jealousy, greed but many many men control themselves and not murder, steal or assault to satisfy that innate urge. Why? Simply because there are heavy consequences so it becomes normal and moral.
      If wives can cheat on their husbands and still have their marriages, can yell at their husbands when questioned about their infidelity, can show off to their fellow women how many young hot buds they could sexually attract and emotionally connect to. Best believe there would be a high number of cheating women as there are men.
      This generation needs to seat up, am sure God intended monogamy when He created 1 Adam and 1 Eve.

    • Folu

      December 1, 2015 at 11:42 pm

      I see what about my friend’s husband who cheats on her right under her nose. They have been living together since they got married. Some men have no shame or discipline. The situation is just an excuse and what about the dad of another friend. He had 4 children already; 2 boys and 2 girls and still had an affair with his wife’s friend. His wife did the woman a favor and took her in when she was homeless. The man has 7 children in total. Please let’s focus on the men themselves and this issue is not new even when I was in Unilag, they chased women. Wife present or absent. It runs in their blood and they need deliverance.

    • Amaka

      December 5, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      Thank you Peter. Some people are always desperate to bash married women. It just makes them feel good. They think that seeing some married women suffer means that they are in a better situation not knowing that life has it’ s own challenges married or not. So after your friend’s husband changes like my uncle who became holy and lovely. What will you do. Will you still be happy at the situation. At this jucture, you will start feeling bad knowing their situation has changed. The devil is really doing his job through human beings. He wants to crush what God instituted, don’t be his instrument.

  2. Sika

    December 1, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    Its not just Abuja women. Lagos women, PH women, even Gombe Women. Nigerian men are just woman wrappers end of story. Having said that, a lot of people in this generation marry ‘for show’..its as if marriage is trending like. Both men and women dont seem to want to be left out..issue is they marry for all the wrong reasons. I actually believe your story because a lot of couples arent friends..they dont talk…they dont even know eachother.

    My dear generation..marriage is not meant to be a trend nor it is an achievement. these days marriage be like getting an MSc degree…ticking the box and shit.

    • Damilola

      December 1, 2015 at 4:33 pm

      @sika

      Everyone is doing it. I’m not sure if the older generation valued marriage, commitment more bcos I believe a lot used to happen during their time too. But it was very coded, secretly done and advised not to say anything just deal with it. Men will always be men, and women will always be women.
      I actually believe, there are responsible men out there who are dedicated and committed to their wives and family.
      Cheating is becoming a norm, for men and women. Now, it’s at an alarming rate. Nigerian women are part of it too, save all that “good woman” wife for a mumu. Many nigerian women cheat on their husbands. Some still have another bf in their marriage, some still sleep with their exes which is absurd to me. I have a friend, who cheated on her husband. The interesting part is, her husband cheated on her and she was so furious, angry but she never mentioned the part where she cheated on him first until it was revealed by an ameabo. Of course, when the secret came out. He was done with the marriage.
      I asked her, why did you cheat? Her answer, oh I don’t love my husband but I wanted to be in a relationship and get married. Women stop playing victim, you are as guilty as these men you are accusing. Just bcos you are good at hiding it, doesn’t mean you don’t do it.

    • Anne

      December 1, 2015 at 11:48 pm

      My friend got married to a married man in Lagos. One day, a woman called and told her she was his wife. My friend told the woman to present a marriage certificate and pictures. The girl did o. Mother in law said she thought my friend knew. Right under noses in Lagos. Please stop giving excuses. A cheat has never had integrity or respect for his body that is his way of life and the only thing that can teach him a lesson is Hiv

  3. i no send

    December 1, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    here we go again…married vs single….*ill just read comments as I chew my gala*

    • Beegal

      December 1, 2015 at 5:10 pm

      It’s not a war jere. Reminds me of a time i took a work trip to abuja. Some guy walked up to me at the airport and was asking how i type on ma phone so fast with ma nails. Just looked up and saw twas my friends husband. He works in abuja and she works in lagos so doesnt know me. i quickly told him that arent you so and so’s husband as i will not be able to look ma friend in d face if he tried to hit on me. Lol

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      Judgement day will start from Lekki and stretching towards VGC.
      Maybe he did not want to hit on you.
      Cut us some slack too.
      Not every married guy saying hi to a pretty damsel wants to hit on her.

    • ty

      December 2, 2015 at 12:23 pm

      I once met my friend’s hubby at a club in lagos and yes, he soo hit on me… he does not kow me but I know him too well cos my friend has his picture up on her wall by her desk in the office and always chatting and talking about him. The hubby works n PH, she works in Lagos… we exchanged digits and he called severally/consistently… my conscience wont allow me proceed… it is just unfair… but I never told him I know his family (with 3 kids) and I never saved his line…

    • oy

      December 2, 2015 at 1:46 pm

      @Tari, okay, he wanted to preach to her abi? abeggi, we recognise “chiking” phrases when we hear them. some, they say are innocent..but are they really??

    • Ayoka

      December 1, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      Don’t do follow follow. It’s not a married vs single thing today. Married men in Naija toast married women as well as single women.

    • californiabawlar

      December 1, 2015 at 8:49 pm

      Lol…me I don’t like to participate in embarrassing married women o, so no married vs. single war for me. Apart from the fact I feel bad for them…I’ll be one some day too. And no matter how careful I think I’m being in choosing a husband, what if I still get hoodwinked and end up with panti in the excuse of a husband? How will I feel when I read these articles?
      Yes, some of the married women are condescending and may act delusional like its the girls chasing their men (as if they were never single and pursued/deceived by married men). But I strongly believe it’s all fronting jere. What do you want them to do? We all develop coping mechanisms somehow.
      In any event (in a perfect world), as long as every single chick keeps saying no to married men, and intensifies efforts on doing background checks any guy that hollers, eventually, the guys will have no option but to either stay with their wives, do prostitutes, or start sleeping with each other (in which case we will know that the aye that is doing them has Einsteins IQ)…..

  4. Hesey

    December 1, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    I got here too early? Waiting for the comments

  5. Libgirl

    December 1, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Men the world over do this nonsense. I met a guy (we both live in NYC) several years ago, he asked me out on a date, but before we were supposed to go out, we talked a few times on the phone. During one of our conversations, I heard a baby crying in the background. I asked him whose child it was and he said his. Of course, I asked him if he was married and he said yes. Needless to say, that date never happened.

    A good amount of married men don’t wear their wedding rings. This is how they attract single women. For the men, it’s a hit or miss situation. They figure there are women out there who wouldn’t mind their marital status. So, if they approach about 5 single women in a week, maybe 1 or 2 wouldn’t mind that they’re married.

    Sometimes, however, a married man will never reveal that he’s married until the relationship has grown and is serious. They mislead you into thinking they’re single, until you fall in love with them. Needless to say, it becomes a messy situation.

    I wish married men would be honest from the get-go and save us all the headache. Wear your wedding ring, approach the women that are only looking for fun and don’t care if you’re married or not. There are plenty of them out there, trust me. Just please, be honest about your status and save some of us the emotional turmoil. Thanks!

    • yeyeperry

      December 2, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      Sisi mi @Libgirl. how about the ones who ones who don’t bother to remove their wedding rings and still hit on the ingle ladies? or the ones who wear the rings and claim they are widowed?

  6. semesee

    December 1, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    your last question is silly! yes I am single. If a married man approaches another lady for a date , he is already a bonafide cheat and a liar. So why do you chose to believe an iota of the crap he has to spew! Only one thing is for sure he just wants to get in between the lady’s legs as hassle free and as soon as possible! The real players are chatting to about 10 or so girls at a time….. it’s just a game to them ( eyi je …..eyi o je) Don’t you worry your sweet head about madam !

    • Nahum

      December 1, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      God bless you! The problem is the fact that we even give these men the opportunity to explain why they cheat and then we turn around and blame their wives. Stop allowing them to explain. They are just liars and thieves and any woman that messes with them is as much a liar and a thief. Forget all this “I fell in love with the wrong man” crap. Women who mess with married men know exactly what they are doing, as much as the cheating liar does.

    • Nahum

      December 1, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      Had a typo in my email, hence the avatar change

    • ogeAdiro

      December 1, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      “Any woman that messes with them is as much a liar and a thief.” How? Unmarried people (female and male) can sleep with whoever they like, for whatever reasons they like. They’re not the ones that swore oats to be faithful. If a ‘single’ person refuses to sleep with your husband or your wife, they’re actually doing you a favor because they owe you nothing. They might not even know you.

    • Vivadrew

      December 1, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      Kisses Nahum, u nailed it. They just want to get into the pants. Their wives aint giving alot of them no issues and same goes for the women. They cheat because they want to and singles fall for the lies they tell about their spouse.

  7. DLP

    December 1, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    Okay oya men tell us ohhh, cos me sef I be Abuja wife. The matter tire person

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      There is nothing unique about Abuja.
      Runs is just in abundance in the city, so the temptation is high.

  8. Penelope

    December 1, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    Well i’m not surprised about the whole Abuja thing, a lot of Abj men are deceitful. I’m talking from experience, as a girl that dated someone in Abuja for a year and found out he was getting married 3mths before the wedding.
    Mind you I visited him there are met his family, he also met mine.
    It’s a long story, but I definitely have learnt a lot from that terrible experience. I thoroughly investigate any man i date, and i love with my head, not my heart. I’m still healing from the experience.

  9. CTRL SHIFT jo

    December 1, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Shift one side abeg!

    They want fun, you want marriage!

    He only asked you out for a date/outing. Going to places with you does not mean he wants to sleep with you or marry you. Just friendship, companionship and association, killing the time…. But as a typical girl dat you be, the first thing that you though of was 1). his fourth left finger, 2.) him ticking your number 1 requirement, 3.) him ticking your number 2 requirement.

    Life is more than marriage, spice. If you don’t want the fun, ctrl shift one side, there are plenty girls for this same Abuja who will do anything to have that same man, just for fun and not for marriage.

    Plenty reasons why men have other friends apart from their wives. Your wife/husband cant be your all in all. Marriage does not stop you from having friends-both the husband & wife, and yes, of the opposite sex.

    Can we just get over this marriage thingy for once?

    • Smh

      December 1, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Lmao damn so pained! Must really be a bitter sea urchin to attach the writer with such viciousness. What a shame, get some happiness in your life.

    • Me

      December 2, 2015 at 9:48 pm

      You are a big Mumu! May you be cheated on!!!

  10. CTRL SHIFT jo

    December 1, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    As for your intro, story for the gods!
    Since 19 gbogboro ladies be forming they don’t have interest in a man or liked him or noticed him first, he went all out to get me, he went all out for me to notice him….bla bla bla.

    Tell that to my great grand mother that someone was talking to you and you were looking down/not looking at his side…..till he said thank God. You could describe him so well yet you didnt really look at him? huh

    It doesn’t add up cos you both must have walked past each other (at that thank God statement) since you weren’t looking….

    Shaming men since 1901. You no even happy say the guy asked you out? plenty girls dey there fine pass you with no one to say hello to them.

    ctrl shift one side abeg

    • Aida

      December 1, 2015 at 3:28 pm

      Are you the man in question? Why so angry? Its not that serious!

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      you need to give me tips on the harshness.
      I need am.
      the other tale they tell is that they did not know he was married. If you want to know, you will know. Some girls don’t want to know because they are interested and want to use that as an excuse for sleeping with married men.

    • i no send

      December 1, 2015 at 5:11 pm

      yes @ tari i agree some girls lie that they didn’t know the guys marital status but never ask why they always had dates in hotels.or a friends house ,everywhere except his home etc..

    • CTRL DISAPPEAR jo

      December 1, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      You sound like a total moron! Jeez!! Why are u leaving solid to chase shadow, leaving the main point at hand. You are what is wrong with this generation!! CTRL DISAPPEAR!!!

    • CTRL Vamouse

      December 1, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      This. Got me all cracked up. Pls CTRL Vamouse as well. Am sure the annoye dude is equally guilty

  11. Ada

    December 1, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    The Mrs is missing absolutely nothing. I don’t know if it is a curse on the guys o. It will shock you who they will stoop to want despite the fact that Mrs is doing her very best. Abuja men are weird. A few weeks back I was at home (I live with Uncle and Aunty) eating rice in the kitchen, Uncle screams my name from upstairs to open the door for his guest. Guest turned out to be guests who had turned up to do their Sunday hangout at our place. In between serving them rice, serving peppersoup and drinks, one of the guests winks at me and asks my name and state of origin? I na afukwa? That day sef, I be like househelp even in dressing. Nothing about me said educated or even relative. Everything about me said hired help and our exalted guest was on his way to asking me for a meeting and mobile phone number!

    What is his Mrs doing wrong? Nothing nwanne m, this one na curse dem curse am from the village wetin you want make Mrs do?

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      Maybe the man has a thing for hired helps.
      I hear it is high on some fetish list!!!

    • Ada

      December 1, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      My dear e fit be o!

    • kemi

      December 1, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      Tari wills, is that you?

  12. Chu-chu

    December 1, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    I have come across quite a few in Abuja o. The saddest part is that they do not fit into the category of married guys we all know., side eyes. These are young guys who you think should be enjoying the freshness of their marriage. Almost fell for one,dude was so intelligent, so i let my guard down and then he slipped and said my madam, . That ws when i decided he was a no go area, see me already planning wedding in my head. I Just wish he’d stop sending me messages. To think he is quite churchous!

    • Abk

      December 1, 2015 at 3:30 pm

      “Only if he stops sending me messages”. If you really don’t want to hear from him at all, this is 2015 you either ignore him or you block him; there are way too many apps for that. When he’s being ignored for way too long; he’ll stop. The problem is, some of you girls are secretly interested, even after seeing the red lights, then you eventually get disappointed and start being emotional. It is very easy to completely and totally ignore someone you don’t want to have anything to do with. The question is; are you ready to do so?

    • chu-chu

      December 2, 2015 at 5:15 pm

      stop with all the righteousness. I never implied i was interested, i simply said i hope he stops sending me messages. Stop trying to misconstrue my comment.

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      So you want to tell me you reply to all the unsolicited SMS that GLO/MTN/Airtel and Etisalat send you?
      If you are interested, accept his offer, if not, ignore and he will find another prey.
      I hate it when adults act like they are helpless.
      Can’t you block his number?

  13. chi-e-z

    December 1, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    Obviously this men married women for the wrong reason. If you can’t have an emotionally satisfying relationship with your wife. uh? sounds most women are more about emotional than physical. I’m equally about both but I tend to get overlooked cause I ain’t into appearance like other girls but I like a guy who’ll take me that way and see past looks to know me. I think most guys in naija might make a commitment forever based on looks, finiances family name, etc not b/c they really want to spend the rest of their time on earth with that person. If you get to truly know someone and stick with them guys it’s so worth it .

  14. Soso

    December 1, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    The problem is ‘ Godlessness’. I am a Christian and can only speak from that perspective. The word teaches that “we were born in sin and in sin we were conceived”. There are noperfect people in the world. We are all starting from a place of imperfection. Marriage is no exception. The urge to indulge in our imperfect humanity is always bubbling near the surface. We need to let God in. Into our hearts first as in truly truly oh and the manifestation of that acceptance will trickle down into every aspect of our lives. Western culture has exposed the world to the superficial beauty of the “wedding day” but what they will never give us are the tools to sustain these pretty pictures. God is that tool. A person in whose heart the Lord lives will still have urges to cheat or sleep around but accountability to a higher power will redirect that urge. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and every other good thing will be added unto you”. We’ve gotta start taking the word literally. My sisters and brothers it is REAL.

    • AsherGenesis

      December 1, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      “A person in whose heart the Lord lives will still have urges to cheat or sleep around but accountability to a higher power will redirect that urge”

      This is a super statement! Do I have your permission to post this excerpt on my IG page?

    • Soso

      December 3, 2015 at 3:03 am

      Please do.

    • Pat

      December 1, 2015 at 11:29 pm

      Oh my gosh!!! Such wisdom! “A person in whose heart the Lord lives will still have urges to cheat or sleep around but accountability to a higher power will redirect that urge”. This sentence just sums up everything. We often have unending reasons to why people cheat in a relationship but Soso has provided us with the raw truth. #lackofGodliness

    • anonymous

      December 3, 2016 at 6:26 am

      God!!!!! I wish i can like this post a thousand times!!!! Truly God is the answer! May God continue to strengthen u and give you more wisdom! Listen! Ye that have ears. This is the solution! Especially in this 21st century o

  15. Olayemi

    December 1, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    This thing swings both ways. Married men and women do it. The women do it with a lot of young guys. One thing I know is if you are not “available”, no one will talk to you about anything. Your job at the ATM was to take money and go not turn to “fisher of men”. Sorry you caught a mudskipper instead. Pele

  16. Tari

    December 1, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    “Wait a minute! I don’t always get to see girls your height, Can I call you sometime?

    Which kind daft pick up line be this?

    • Zoma

      December 1, 2015 at 4:05 pm

      Tari, you are funny. Guys will always be guys jare. Ada, sorry nwanne m. They are every where. Not just in Abuja Spice. Almost Everyone in V.G.C is married yet, they go after young girls. I meet lots of them daily, asking me out of course, they will say for companionship but na lie.

      I am not sure I will every get married in this life based on what i am seeing. I am way too emotional to handle a cheater or heartbreak. Nahum I see you o.

      ruthdulacblog.com

    • tall girl

      December 2, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      ure a girl and you are 6feet 5, when u see a 6feet 6 brother, u would understand why it is a pickup line..lol

    • miles

      June 8, 2018 at 11:34 am

      hahahahahahahaha……
      only a tall person can relate

  17. Tai

    December 1, 2015 at 3:45 pm

    Marriage is very complicated and it involves a lot of work! The fact that a man or woman cheat does not mean anything is wrong with the partner. Sometimes in life, u meet someone that you are attracted to apart from your spouse and before you know it, u have done the deed with them. I cheated on my hubby after about 8 years of marriage, was it his fault? Absolutely not . It was mine! I couldn’t control myself, gave in to the temptation of the flesh. I learnt my lessons the hard way

    • CTRL SHIFT jo

      December 1, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      BN girls bashing men all day, month and year, y’all see this?

      Both Men and women cheat! simple

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 5:44 pm

      They will soon find way to pin it on the husband.
      They will tell us he was not caring enough or noticing his wife’s longing for more.

    • Tari

      December 1, 2015 at 5:43 pm

      Please share with us what this hard way was?
      Thanks for sharing.

    • Ona

      December 2, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Shobolu yo ke……Eke is my hobby,awon gbeborun……abe ti gun legbe eti……..Google Translation pls !

    • A

      January 20, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Tai Are U Guys Still together! Damn!! Cos I know once U taste the fruit outside u Always go back, Always

  18. PH Boy

    December 1, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    …Lagos husbands come get your wives too!!!
    Its like an epidemic now in Lagos, married women are very very much on the prowl and they will knock down any hard member with a pulse. Both working and housewives are on the rampage.
    Truth is that the x-men are the way they are because lots of women facilitate this. Whether its because of greed, ignorance, koboko or straight up oju kokoro, the scourge is real and beyond endemic now.
    If only the women can lock up, the men will behave. But N and $, gucci bags, dubai trips, longer throat no go gree una.

    • Olanma

      December 1, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      You’re even a PH person so you should never have the mouth to talk. Yall, both men and women are pros when it comes to things like this and can basically school Lagos and Abuja people, so Biko Edakun, keep quiet.

    • PH Boy

      December 2, 2015 at 6:24 am

      well it takes one to know one. Go figure!

    • Olanma

      December 2, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Oh, please. Spare me the bs, it’s no secret that PH people are expert in things like this. Many people can testify, they don’t even hide it in PH, they do it openly. Takes one to know one ko, takes one to know one ni.

  19. Girl Spice's Friend

    December 1, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    in my opinion, any man who is married and has a girlfriend outside is a cheat, a liar and cant be trusted one bit. It means he wants to eat his cake, and have it. he wants to enjoy the best of both worlds, he wants to deceive two women and i could go on. Remove this thing we call love and address the real issues. what women can do is not pay them no mind.
    If he is not happy with his marriage or whatever, he should cut the vow and ask God for forgiveness… as for having both its NO for me. shikena,

    • Zoma

      December 1, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Girl Spice’s Friend it’s easier to say. I really pity all these men sha. And the ladies too

    • Ona

      December 2, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      How do we even know its just one other woman he has(he could have more than one girlfriend) ……. Awon OMO Adamo!

  20. pino pino

    December 1, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Nigerian men are so typical. I pity their wives because these guys are walking stds.

  21. Oguntade

    December 1, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Hmmmm! where do i start from untop my own experience with this matter please? mine was a simple i attended to him in the banking hall and he collected my number saying it was just becos he loved the way i attended to him and he worked in bank X! i didnt even l0ok at his finger as i wasnt interested. Dude calls me and i save his number and life was going smoothly

    Until he starts to call me very regularly, said we shld hang out and all, no wahala, i even went to a mid week church service with him and he dropped me off. Then he started with the coming to pick me up after work EVERYDay and drop me off at home task. i cant lie it was convenient o. He would always say that if not for the genotype issue he wld have married me before year end, me sef i started catching feelings.

    i decided in order to have my sanity and stop thinking about cheating the genotype thing, that i would stay away. i did successfully o even though he wld still call me and we wld talk for sometime but i rannnn only for me to check his facebook page last month and i realised we werent friends but i scoped one picture of a woman and two children alas! Mr christianly had been married since 2009…

    I immediately called him to tell him that he was evil and he shld stay far away from me as possible. How can some men be so evil? dont the regard, respect or even love deir families enuf to stray… what annoyed me d most was that he would call me at anytime so i didnt even have a clue. Thank God for not doing anything with the fellow. not even a kiss..
    XoXo..

  22. Bandele

    December 1, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    Its funny how people who’ve never been married for one day always feel like they have it all sussed out and freely dish out marriage advice. “why marry someone when you don’t have an emotional connection with them?”, “dunno why married men cheat”” how can you be married and be asking someone out?” etc. Truth is that no one has all the answers in this marriage malarkey. It works out for some, for others not so much. And who says people don’t change over time. You could have a wonderful marriage in the beginning with someone who appears to be your soul mate and overtime it just goes down hill. Shit happen am afraid. Hence sometimes why people crave something different.. Not good I know but it happens.

    Back to the Abuja matter. I think its being unfairly painted by the writer and respondents alike as a one dimensional thing. Sorry guys its usually a two way street. Abuja is equally awash with eagle eyed, ambitious single girls hoping to “bag” a married man! I live here so I should know. These girls need them for companionship, finance, career advancement and yes, sex. Its very easy for unguarded and “wet behind the ears” men to fall for their charm-offensive, especially when their wives are not around. Not on some moralistic crusade but i feel its up to the individuals concerned to obey their respective consciences and do what they believe to be right. This man-woman matter is hard to discern really. Been around since the beginning of time and will still be here when all of us are long gone. And we’ll still be none the wiser..

    Married guy who lives in Abuja..

  23. Blueberry

    December 1, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Men will always lie their way into a va.-j-j It has always been so. And to justify their stupidity (or should I say cheating), they will still lie and give silly reasons. Then when there is wild fire on the mountain, they start blaming the devil.

  24. keeks

    December 1, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    we live in a world where there are sites that tell you, u wan to cheat, please come here, we have over 5 thousand men and women who cheat for a living to save your marriage, so it doesn’t matter, whether its the girl down the road or the one in PH or abj or Lag, men will always b cheats, most women cheat because after all he is doing it, so i may as well enjoy what he 2 is enjoying. i still don’t get how exactly the person whose mere thoughts got you giddy and made you smile suddenly becomes an unwanted infection. Steve harvey and Marjorie shud please tell us how. why cant we be men and women of our words and Bond. what does it do for you to cheat? i say it, remain single, talk to your spouse’s about the kind of feelings yu having towards them, how is it that the person you spent hours on the phone with suddenly becomes the one you can’t talk to?

  25. DeeDee

    December 1, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    Many of these men you mention are very young or are older men that didnt play well when they were single… probably busy hustling to make the doh, and now they have it what else but to flaunt and get any thing they want .. including money.. and young ladies from 18+ – 27 are mostly on about clothes and everything materialistic to impress their friends.. a bf / aristo that spends on them gives them some sense of importance… and then they loose themselves…. until time starts clicking…
    Now when you hear what they look out for in a man, you hear them say they want men that are GOD fearing, tall dark and handsome and probably an already made man, forgetting that already made DOES NOT HAVE THE FEAR OF GOD!! OR even LOVES GOD IN HIS ATTITUDE, THIS kind of men pop champagne, live the life they see in movies and what these kind of guys do is only to scout whatever they can find, either that or these young clueless babes go for young men that are from wealthy homes with the backing of their rich /wealthy parents who sponspor their wedding and tell them to manage their businesses and they are probably pressured to get married to rich girls from a well respected home that he/they might not necessarily be in love or Fear of GOD with , These guys ends up with her/ladies and they don’t talk, counsel themselves or prepare for MARRIAGE that takes a lifetime, (take about how to deal with finances, knowing that love is not enough in Marriage, learning about companionship, how many kids they want, what and what to do when things go bad, dreams and achievements, and even as simple as who will help with the dishes, or toilets) they just think it’s a bf and gf ting forever, forgetting that it is a lifetime degree where YOU AND HER ( WIFE AND HUSBAND) ARE THE STUDENTS, forever learning , adjusting and it takes work AND GOD is the lifelong teacher… but these folks end up preparing for WEDDING DAY that takes a YEAR to prepare, they get consumed with the glitz, glamour and who and who to impress or opress… or the best pre wedding photos on bella naija , or who striked pose more etc…they probably rushed in and then they realise a lot of vaccum or alot they didnt know about themselves that it will take them a whileto adjust and TO KNOW WHAT IS MISSING . .

    and most times what is missing is that alot of People do not know the foundation of Marriage, some think love is enough and alot do not even read book on Marriages, Seminars, Counselling session at church, Marraige counsellors etc…. People that type, men are polygamous in nature, Men are wired like that..
    Any man that knows what he wants, Loves GOD the way JESUS CHRIST loved us, for who he is and they will be able to love their wives without distracting themselves with Single Ladies…

    1 cor 13:4-8, Heb 13:4, Pro 3: 5-6 there are also books by Dr Gary Chapman ” 5 languages of Love , ” Things i wish i’d known before marriage ” that single ladies ( to prepare for marriage ) and Married people( to help strengthen your home) should read
    All the best . I pray these married men and women , or single ladies/guys that sleep with married can get the picture and try and work things out … and also realise that Marraige is hardly perfect, but you can work out your imperfections by doing the right thing , so you can grow old and have an enjoyable life.

  26. CTRL Vamouse

    December 1, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Abuja have lots of cute married young guys. And they are so free with women, forming Mr Friendly and Mr Kind. They would treat you so well, like a queen that if u don’t take time, you go begin fall for another person husband.

    I’ve been living in Abj for over 6 yrs, and I can tell you that married men pursue single girls with reckless abandon. Politicians are the ones known to pursue ‘runs girls’, directors of ministries, parastatals and other men in that category go after decent girls. Some live with their families, others are married bachelors. I’ve been pursued mostly by married men. @ some point, I became worried why I attract just d married. It takes a high level of discipline and spirituality to resist them. They would do anything to win you over, super caring, super nice, super everything. why can’t single guys borrow a leaf from them?

    • kukukere

      December 1, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      thank you oh, them single boys will just stand and be looking like mumu meanwhile them married men are so slick with a silver tongue they would come onto you without you realizing you are been picked up. No cheesy lines, no fake attitudes / accents just plain guys happy to meet you. Seriously single guys especially the older ones should take a cue from these married men

    • Beauty

      December 1, 2015 at 11:35 pm

      So true!

    • PH Boy

      December 2, 2015 at 6:49 am

      its so easy for yee maidens of shy vision to take up the high road and act like the single guys are not performing. How many of you single girls will ever date a guy who is still struggling to find his feet. And please dont give me the run a rounds about him leaving you when he hits the gold mine bla bla bla. In your quiet moments most’, if not not all of you will admit to want the good life yet you are not not ready to shed the sweat. There are thousands of dependable, handsome, good fearing guys everywhere but their sin is that they “DO NOT HAVE MONEY” period. The hard truth is that keeping relationships in Nigeria is expensive and the ladies are not backing down from their so called maintenance costs is higher than the $ exchange rate.
      So dont complain now about the cheating++++ because you are reaping the fruits of the seeds sown by your com padres.

    • God'sangel

      December 3, 2015 at 2:00 pm

      So @PH Boy are you God fearing?

    • deedee

      December 11, 2015 at 3:24 pm

      Replying @PH boy at maintaining a relationship in Nigeria is Expensive, it’s only expensive when its the wrong person or wrong persons.. There is Dating , courtship.. nothing like bf/gf in the Bible or even christain faith , it’s just a western world behaviour.. You are not an atm or a cash plant. Dating is a form of friendship. Courtship you are prepared to marry and not ready for long ting aka bf/gf. All Relationships are not or should not be based on 90% money.. it can be 55% money, 45 ambition. .. You can have money , spend on your babe /wrong gf and no sense of ambition and you will still go back to square one. The bible says a man “must” work, and it says he that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour, they become one, he is the head and the wife is a help mate and for that reason she is help out, this cannot be achieved in a gf/bf ting as it is not GOD ordained, you start chopping or steadily trying to eat her forbidden fruit, which spiritually connects wrongly, as its only meant for a man and a wife and then confusion starts, both of you start planting seeds on rocky or thorny grounds, and bearing fruits of cheating, acting like wannabe wife/husband, she starts asking you to provide, when you are not suppose to.. and he starts to do the same… Thats why thou shall not commit adultery/ fornication comes in, its set for us to try as much as possible not to disobey in other to make life easier for us.. So please focused on your future, be diligent, be ambitious with it, if you’re still young.. dont go into relationships you cannot afford.. Get into courtship, pray for the wife or whoever you want to spend the rest of your life with and if its meant to be, it will be inexpensive, simple and saves you time and less hearthreak… cos one way or the other, to . Now when you get married, because thats when a man and woman

    • CTRL SHIFT jo

      December 2, 2015 at 8:39 am

      My frenemy,

      Stop that shit about single guys not knowing what to do.

      You allow the married men come near you cos they already have the car, they can offer to take you round, they can buy you anything, they can pay your ticket fee…….all these is the “caring and nice” you mean.

      A single guy who has not made anything and still struggling, will you even allow him talk to you? He walked up to you on his leggedis benz- you just ignore him

      There is an adage that says “wetin man like pass na d tin wey dey kill am”

      What you single girls like pass, is the trap that keeps getting you!

      Deal with it

  27. molarah

    December 1, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    Oga, “shit” didn’t happen. Laziness happened. There are several couples (in spite of the seemingly overwhelming ‘evidence’ we get all the time, including on BN) living out fully-committed, cheat-free, happy marriages. They don’t have two heads. Don’t say your marriage is failing and then fold your arms in resignation. Seek out those that are working fine and humbly learn from them.

    • molarah

      December 1, 2015 at 7:00 pm

      Comment was in response to Bandele above

  28. Idomagirl

    December 1, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    This Abuja ehn. You go comot go hunt for single guys dese married players no go even give bachelors chance to see you sef…???
    But it’s not just married men that cheat, let some people give you their experiences with some married women in Abuja you go weak.

    Like someone above said, it’s not gender specific, men & women cheat, but I believe men are more brazen & open because of our society.

    Either way it’s sad that so many people do not seem to respect their vows anymore.

  29. concerned9ja

    December 1, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    Unfortunately it’s the environment…and a lack of self control.
    Women in Abuja want to be spoilt and def not looking for marriage from what I’ve noticed just fun and wanting to live the fake Kim K life or whatveer yankee wannabe.
    And married men convinced that they have the means to satisfy these women’s materialistic tendencies…a whole mess…
    For married man leave the social scene and be true to your God and marriage vows!!

  30. Olayemi

    December 1, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Don’t glorify it Miss Toastee. If you lie down carelessly, married man will pick you up and use you as shock absorber and go home to the woman he loves afterwards. It has happened to me twice so I’m talking from experience. All the money and “love” he is giving you is chewing gum compared to the investment at home.

  31. Kaydollz

    December 1, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    Come on y’all,this happens everywhere lag o,ph o,calabar o not just abuja.

  32. Mmmm

    December 1, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Unfortunately ths wise comment is not going to get much likes bcs it indicts women too…and most bners are women….

  33. Beauty

    December 1, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    Nothing new! Abuja is bad but it’s a trend that is everywhere ph, Lagos, owerri etc… Most of them do it for fun and companionship, some for sex… But hey! It’s not just the men that are cheating… So many women are cheating these days too. Let’s be honest!

  34. oversabi

    December 2, 2015 at 4:27 am

    It is lack of understanding for sex. Sex is a process of sharing DNA and fluids. If I sleep with three people, I pick up pieces of them through their fluids. Then I go to my husband and he sleeps with me and picks up stuff from all three men. Therefore, my husband would have technically had sex or smooched his privies with the other three men. Perhaps one of the men h as one eye, the other one has a decayed mouth but lots of money and the other one is simply not presentable in daylight. The question is would my hubby agree to rub their fluids on himself if he sees them? IF people think about sex as a web of relationships filled with sharing, and they activated their curiosity genes to find out who previous partners were, they would really pause and think about sex. That is how I avoid cheating. Does not mean I dont see a nice man every now and then and think, he is cuter than hubby adn would be a great catch. I do but the spiritual and physical consequences suffice to keep me in thorough check. People who sleep around are the same ones that sit on a toilet seat in public and are the same ones that would drink from someone else’s glass. No boundaries, no hygiene theory. Sex is dirty when you think of it. If you wont wear another man or woman’s underwear, you wont be able to sleep with their partners. Think about it that way and there will be more sanity.

    Aside from my weirdness, my marriage stopped being sensational years ago in terms of interaction. Hubby = too tired and cant pay attention to what I am saying. I tried and tried to talk about work, family, gossip etc, and then I just shut up. So I located an ex who is all ears. No we dont reconnect in that way, dirty minds. We were just very good friends so we offer each other advice that is free of ulterior motives. That is how I let off steam. If I win a big contract and I call hubby, he would briskly say something like “okay, let me call you back” over the phone. He never asks again. I call my ex- and he says “How nice! I am so excited for you. I am a bit busy now, can I call you later to celebrate?” with a smile in his voice, not the irritation from hubby. THen he actually calls back. So I dont have an answer to your question and I am 20 years into my marriage. I have just found my own way to cope and retain my sanity without defiling myself.

    • Onyeka

      December 2, 2015 at 7:48 am

      Sweetie… news flash! you are cheating! you made a commitment to share your self with only your hubby. address the emotional gap you have in your marriage… if you continue this “platonic” sharing with your ex. its emotional cheating and its just a matter of time before it graduates…. if someone is giving you that much attention it’s the natural expectation… I’d really urge you to take a look at the sitaution

  35. oversabi

    December 2, 2015 at 4:32 am

    It is lack of understanding for sex. Sex is a process of sharing DNA and fluids. If I sleep with three people, I pick up pieces of them through their fluids. Then I go to my husband and he sleeps with me and picks up stuff from all three men. Therefore, my husband would have technically had sex or smooched his privies with the other three men. Perhaps one of the men h as one eye, the other one has a decayed mouth but lots of money and the other one is simply not presentable in daylight. The question is would my hubby agree to rub their fluids on himself if he sees them? IF people think about sex as a web of relationships filled with sharing, and they activated their curiosity genes to find out who previous partners were, they would really pause and think about sex. That is how I avoid cheating. Does not mean I dont see a nice man every now and then and think, he is cuter than hubby adn would be a great catch. I do but the spiritual and physical consequences suffice to keep me in thorough check. People who sleep around are the same ones that sit on a toilet seat in public and are the same ones that would drink from someone else’s glass. No boundaries, no hygiene theory. Sex is dirty when you think of it. If you wont wear another man or woman’s underwear, you wont be able to sleep with their partners. Think about it that way and there will be more sanity.

    Aside from my weirdness, my marriage stopped being sensational years ago in terms of interaction. Hubby = too tired and cant pay attention to what I am saying. I tried and tried to talk about work, family, gossip etc, and then I just shut up. So I located an ex who is all ears. No we dont reconnect in that way, dirty minds. We were just very good friends so we offer each other advice that is free of ulterior motives. That is how I let off steam. If I win a big contract and I call hubby, he would briskly say something like “okay, let me call you back” over the phone. He never asks again. I call my ex- and he says “How nice! I am so excited for you. I am a bit busy now, can I call you later to celebrate?” with a smile in his voice, not the irritation from hubby. THen he actually calls back. So I dont have an answer to your question and I am 20 years into my marriage. I have just found my own way to cope and retain my sanity without defiling myself.

  36. onyx

    December 2, 2015 at 8:16 am

    @oversabi that interaction with your ex is also technically cheating. Cheating is not only the process of sexual acts. Anything be it texts, chats, calls from the opposite sex that you hide from your spouse is cheating. If I delete a bbm chat I had with a chick that I know is not just normal hi or hello that I know will make my wife suspect then I’ve cheaten. Madam constant interaction with an ex is dangerous. Don’t think you’re superwoman. If that your ex really wants to get you you’ll fall. How will I fell if your hubby interacts constantly with his ex. I know he’s wrong for ignoring you and all but abeg look for a female friend and share your good times with. Abi you not get run loving female friends too?

  37. babe

    December 2, 2015 at 8:16 am

    @oversabi are you sure you will not sleep with this your ex one day?that’s how it starts o.

    • Tari

      December 2, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      Na from clap hand dem dey start dance.

  38. onyx

    December 2, 2015 at 8:17 am

    Abeg excuse some typos above. Cheated not “cheaten”. I bind the spirit of gbagaun this Xmas period.

  39. Baba kay

    December 2, 2015 at 11:14 am

    KIKIKIIII…All these sisters here giving us half of their experience gist….i see you! Those that did not tell us how they had boyfriend somewhere and where already planning wedding in their head with this man they din know was married…i see you too.

    Things is that eh, Ladies when u see a hot guy, rich, great job…blah; 90% chances are there’s a madam or girlfriend somewhere…or anoda girl you will fight for his matter with…Especiallpecially in this ABUJA!!!!!!!!!!! GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD PLEASE! Good things don’t just wake up and start roaming the street looking for owners!
    So if you decide to chuk head prepare for the worst sweerie!

    And then shout out to my fellow brodas…not the married ones o…make una go dey house with madam please…who force you marry when you never ready to hang ‘the boot’.
    Anyway guys these days know what u ladies want…e no dey pass marriage or to chop his money. I think ladies in this our beloved #abuja shud grow out of these mind set…so we can all help eachoda…abeg!

    its just simple…

    I love abuja…enuf drama on every street…hehee!

    • Emeka

      December 5, 2015 at 6:15 pm

      Yes they are. They will say he is the one chasing them but they are the ones chasing him. Liars. As for cheating men. Go and read 1 Peter 3: 7. That is why you have been on the same spot, business has been bad. Deliverance today and tomorrow. Stealing bribery, corruption and keeping affairs with thick madame to maintain big boy status. The Landlord had to call a tenant asking him to think deeply since he sent his wife packing and married another. Landlord chased him away. It was so serious that the Landlord told him that he did not want any rent, he just wanted him to leave. The guy had not paid rent for almost a year.

  40. beauty

    December 2, 2015 at 11:28 am

    Seriously Beauty with the Capital B, Isn’t there any other name that you can comment with apart from the name which I chose and have been commenting with all this while. Please stop impersonating me. Jay take note too…

  41. Bitterwife

    December 2, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Finally got a place to pour my heart. I Hope one day internet brings this up in one of my husband google search, but by then i would have left with th kids to somewhere far away from my pastor and mum marriage talks.
    My husband is cheating on me and i know and he knows i know but he didnt understand why i kept quiet about it .
    I got married to the love of my life , nope he never cheated on me during our relationship , he’s a blunt person who never hides anything he’s doing so i trust . Like am proud of him everywhere and i pray and fast for him . I give him my all .
    He sent a cheating signal when i saw his chat with his EX third day of our wedding , he appologised and said he’s trying to lay all them girls off his back .
    I’m vertified team snoop and i’ve been watching him since then but throughly nothing . He loves me and he’s neve afraid to show it .
    Second signal , one of his ex that we’ve talked about during courtship added him up on facebook, told the girl that i know her and she should back off my page . she reported to Hubby and my husband begged and apologised to me with several xcuses . I belived him and continue my support.
    The third and final chnce i gave him. He was asleep , i wasnt even snooping on him, just charging my phone right next to him while browsing on m own o , a chat entered his phone with a guy’s name that says “hello my crown” . Ha , what is this , i opened the chat and na one babe , i composed myself , replied her like my husband will do . This is 3days to our first anniversary o , Hubby has booke an hotel for us and my gifts are on the way, this is a mani’m always holding up dinner for , i dont eat till he comes cos its our chat and play time . wear friends and we talk about anything and everything. ‘m active sexually even after our twins birth *sorry i digressed*.
    From the chats i engaged with the babe , i saw that they are having a date the next day after close of work at the same hotel he booked for our anniversary . Hubby didnt tell her his married and all srt of nonsense . i realized she and hubby meets anytime he travels to hometown o check on our site . all this the girl told me after i told her am his wife , he did not even feel any remorse , she told to o to hell and if am doing it right my husand will not come to her. Hubby woke up and saw me with his phone and our chats. He cried and apologized and we even had sex but right there i know i have moved on from him. the painful part is he denied me and his children , who does that cos of toto? anywaysi moved on and now i know my husband is cheating like every other useless cheaters out there . yep hes useless too.
    since then he has mastered the art of clearing his chats and all but devil caught him and same ex that added and insulted me on facebook chat came in while he was sleeping too . ut she didnt say anything when i replied. i guess hubby has given her code to know if he was the one or not . to be continued

  42. Bitterwife

    December 2, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    I formed vex the next day and for a week we didnt talk . I’m not angry with him again cos in my mind , heart and soul , i dont have anything for him again, i’ just living with him cos i have to. when i couldnt keep up with the silnce , on a saturday morning , we talked and i asked him his reasons for cheating . That son of a bitch denied it and said i;m just insecured afterall he has told him he has many bitter ex and they will definatly want to poison my mind . He tod me to be happy he’s no bring them home , cos his friends does that and that he has never slept with anyof them . he sweared with his life that he just like chating with them girls cos hes’ bored and there are things he can sa to them but he cant say to me cos i’m his respected wife who he cant be raw with . can you imagine .
    i cried that day , but i old myself that will be my last tears foe that man . i withdraw all my support morally and spiritually . its 2months now and i have never say a word f prayer for him . i laugh at hi mis fortune . i opened a fresh account and save all my money there . left litte in the account he knows. stopped plans of being a stay at home mum , working hard , employed a nanny for my kids and work extra hours , saving so hard. stopped buying things for the kids they are his children ad while we are still under his roof , he should provide for them., i dont support anymore than cooking andbuying foodstuffs for the house. i’m always singing brokeness to him. told him they slashed my salary and i dont have anything again . caught him checking my account balance on my phone one day ,i have 100k, 5k, 1k in the 3 accts respectively while i have 2m saved somewhere . these days his job is giving him issues and im always happy,if na before i would have borrowed him money which he nrmally return but now , not doing that anymore . let him go and meet his girlfriends he sends money to . i see different chat while we go to work bu i ignore and i have never askd him. i dont call him again but im still the loving wife who gives him peace at home , i no longer get angry . why should i . going for my 5years implant family planning this saturday . been using feamale condom for him cos i didnt want to get pregnant and will continue to cos i will never let him knw i did family planning . once i can save up to 5m , and made him save enough for my twin , we will leave him and move far away from everyone. I’m happy hes broke now , he called me this morning he needs 200k and he hasnt even given me money for christmas shopping , am happy all this is happening to him. yes i am
    you can all blame me but i will never say a word of prayer for him anymore , he lost me the day he denied me and his children because of a girl.
    glad i did dis , i will always come back to this post and make his my 3years action plan

    • Chai! You have suffered!

      December 2, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      Madam please I know you’re hurting, but for the sake of your children and Jesus Christ that we strive to emulate by being christains, pray for your husband. Please pray for him not because of him but because of God and your children, Remember your twins are half of their father, if you condemn him, you condemn half of your children. Anything that happens to him would affect your children, no matter how you try to shield them. Do what Jesus would do and be the better human being. Anger, deceit and maliciousness is so common, be the higher human. Put aside your rawness and bitterness because it would hinder you and your kids from God’s blessing. Your husband like so many men, is lost. Don’t let him get to you. Read your bible and meditate. I’m not saying you should stay, actually for health reason being a very major concern, you shouldn’t, but pray for him. Don’t delight in his woes and do your duties as long as you choose to remain his wife.

    • niyoola

      December 2, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      This made me very sad.

      Good that you are looking out for yourself and the kids.
      *hugs*

    • GirlSpice

      December 2, 2015 at 8:53 pm

      Hello Bitterwife , can you please send me a mail on [email protected] . Thank you

    • Beauty

      December 2, 2015 at 9:30 pm

      I can’t blame you for the way you feel. Truth is that he deserves every misery that he is going through and will go through. He’s an unrepentant cheat who will always cheat(they never change)! Keep saving! That’s what wise women do… I would totally have done the same if I were you. Gone are the days when women had to stay miserably in disfunctional marriages

  43. Bitterwife

    December 2, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    whoww, plenty typos…i apologise

    • person

      December 2, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Hugs. Not sure what to say to you…. I would be angry too. Livid. And I would probably do everything you have said above- especially holding on to my money. Hugs. It gets so complicated when there are kids involved… sigh.

    • ATL's finest

      December 2, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      So sorry u are going thru all of these. I pray U & other women out there find comfort. So far, u are doing great & holding up tight. Some day, u will find happiness.

  44. dundun

    December 2, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Sorry

  45. Bukky

    December 2, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    Bella, can you make this a standalone post ? This lady needs our help please . Thanks

  46. Viv

    December 2, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    @Bitterwife Wow………I lost words#

  47. Isaid!!

    December 2, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    @ Bitterwife, don’t mind them o!! I totally agree with step you have taken to protect yourself and your children from the lieing bastard. Have even copied and pasted some tips from you. You go girl!!!!!

  48. Isaid!!

    December 2, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    * the steps

  49. Alexander

    December 2, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    Hi.. This has been very enlightening and thought provoking. I share the same sentiments with most comments: men like to cheat, women also cheat, men lie about it, Abuja men are on another plain, and whatnot. I also genuinely feel the pain of the bitter wife. But let’s put all that aside and be truly objective. I’m a guy in a relationship. I find it terribly impossible to sleep with anyone but my girlfriend. I’m no holy man and I’m not perfect. My downside, which I discovered recently is that enjoy flirting with intellectual ladies.
    It never moves to sex or house visits or anything cozy. And I always state that I’m in a relationship, and not looking for sex or similar companionship.
    Women have a fragile mind when it comes to emotions. That should not be toyed with. Inasmuch as men can be funny with flirting and deceiving the female folk, women are just as dastardly. I’ve met married young ladies looking for boy toys and the likes at very alarming rates. Even those merely dating, playing three guys or four at the same time, with the dominant excuse of looking for the perfect guy, Aunty this is also cheating. If you’re all in, be all in with one, if you’re not, cut him loose and move on. Do not go justifying your ways with the generally presumed nature of men.
    In a good number of scenarios, you get what comes to you, either by being ignorant or by being terribly ignorant.
    A guy walks up to you and engages in discourse you know might lead to dating and maybe a series relationship (or not) then do your homework/research/due diligence. Don’t come crying weight months down the line saying he deceived you. You were ignorant. If I met a girl I’d like to date, I’d research her as best as I can. I’ll go as far a knowing her preferences, if she likes reading books, traveling, going to movies, if she’s church oriented, if she’s dated someone I know/knew in the past.
    Don’t play ignorant.
    This is getting too long, but let me add something real quick. When children are born, there’s an active link between the left and right side of the brain. For male kids, this link gets severed at about the age of two, when the first wave of testosterone get released, this hinders the male folks from thinking both objectively and emotionally at the same time. When a man thinks, he does so wholly objectively or wholly emotionally/sentimentality. Apply that in the outcome of decisions men and women take and see a somewhat different perspective to how men and women reason and take decisions.
    I’m not perfect at putting points together strategically, but I hope this gives a new perspective.
    By the way, this would be my first comment ever here. ☺

  50. bizi

    December 5, 2015 at 10:35 am

    The abuja men, the cheats amoung them will still be cheats no matter what, I live in abuja, I once dated a guy for close to 2 years before d bubble burst, I stumbled on his wife Facebook page and lo and behold there he was smiling like a big monkey on his wedding day. It’s d sane man dat claimed he wasn’t married earlier. Then I knew I was dealing with a seeking cheatHELLO ……. this is a young dude m talking about not an advanced man,, a guy in his 30s,his story was hes seperated from his wife.these days there are so many of them out there, with similar stories, SEPERATED.den the question is why did they get married if they can’t be patient and tolerances. Mar rage is all about that, when u build patience and tolerance I tell you that understand ing will be there. It’s well with us the…… Single and Still waiting in Abuja.God help us

  51. DiamondAce

    December 5, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    @Bitterwife my sincere prayer is that God comforts you and gives you peace in your heart and all the strength you need.please stay strong

  52. Estonia

    December 8, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    Some married men cheat because their marriage was fruitless and they are receiving lot of pressure from their family because age is not on their side cos some are already in their late forties.

  53. Sunrise

    December 14, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    #Bitter#wife#. I read your story and felt a bit of pains you are going through. But I want to assure you never to give up a battle still in progress. You must not give in to silly looser resurfacing as his ex. You once defeated them to the trophy: your hubby,in the first place. Hubby settled for you for you are the best among equals. And there are solutions to putting your homes together instead of saving up for “exile”. In my view,I would advised you visit his mother or a well respected elder sister and pour out your worries on how your home is no longer a home but a stage: where actors act dramas. I’m sure these two people should really be able to talk senses into his head. I’m a man in my early 30s. I like to see supportive women; they are muse to an artist; they are earthly rock for men of God;they are courage in the face of adversity. So,never you try to contemplate running from him. You are two good for the two-husbands thing. Let all your kids have a single man to call father. Don’t turn them to APC & PDP: where twins are his and the new to come would be other. You can make your marriage work again. Remember you are just starting the “union” called marriage. All the while,you’ve been in the “wedding” phase. Marriage started the moment AnB begins to work on the small “n” to get the perfect end product “AB”. Until then,you must continue giving your best to ensure your home stands. You made a huge mistake to have stopped praying for him. He needs you most now because he might be under a cause. I order you to pray for him like this. (1) God! Please disjoint my hubby from all resurfacing ex’es tormenting my home. (2) God! I won all my hubby’s ex’es to becoming his wife,help me to win them again and lay them off for ever this time. Get your phone and back date to your day of birth,check the days of the week It falls on,If It’s a Monday,say the prayers 1am on Monday. And If not Monday,just ensure you do the prayers on your day at 1am. In Jesus name,your stress shall become story. And your home will stand.

  54. Praying woman

    May 7, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    im just tired. since we were kids, we’v been told to pray for our future husbands, pray pray pray,,, how many men pray for their wives. its saddening. the emotional pain, stress and breakdown wives go through in their homes. iv been told that all men cheat. i still refuse to believe it because not to brag i am not cheat and i feel if i exist, one opposite sex out there should as well. iv been cheated on countless times. if you like learn all the sex moves in the world, use waist trainer and work out, be ambitious and self-made, be faithful and loving. they will still cheat. But guys, there is good news, i watched an episode on youtube on this thing called love from a particular kind of pastor that bares the same name with my current spouse. it was weird so i decided to listen and he said, the problem is that we women or men go in search of the man we want. apparently we are not suppose to. it is said,”he who finds a wife finds a good thing” . let him find you. most of the time, we hint or flash green light to the kind of man we desire and then let them do the rest of the chase but the truth is in most cases, you chose wrong. you wouldnt know, but eventually you will realise it and wonder were you went wrong, another thing i dont understand is.. these so called God fearing men are mostly broke and i dont know why.. no woman wants to suffer so i think the best decision ..is wait for one to find you and watch him from afar under the shadow of a friend before giving into him than chasing him away because hes not made. that might just be him. Yes, not all men cheat. dear bitter wife, you might have made that same mistake, so if leaving gives you peace of mind then let it be so. some things were not meant to be. i advice every man out there, before finding a wife, first develope yourself spiritually, financially and emotionally. then ensure that the woman who you like has all the qualities you have and more. talk to your mates, share your problems, love eachother, pray together, grow together in christ. if sex is bad, pray together, talk and share fantacies, it can be fixed, be with someone that has the same drive and naughtiness as you so you can explore on bed, you are both teammates. God help us all.

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