It was not love at first sight. Sparks did not fly, bells did not ring, and our eyes certainly did not find each other in a crowded room. In fact, the only thing I remember about the day that Dave came into my life was that the internet was really slow.
I just finished serving my NYSC year, and while I was trying to find a job, I had a lot of time on my hands. This was just around when Blackberry became the trendy gadget in Nigeria, so I spent most of my days meeting people online, inviting them on my BBM and flirting all day long. Yes, flirting. I was not looking for a serious relationship at the time, I just wanted to meet fun people, get to know them and even go on a few fun dates.
It was one of such days that Dave sent a Facebook invite to me and nope, I did not notice his beautiful brown eyes through his profile picture and feel my heart beating erratically. I just accepted the request, and soon, we started chatting steadily, from Facebook to BBM, until we finally decided to hang out.
The day we spent an afternoon together, Dave certainly was not the most impressive person in the world. He talked. A lot. I found myself looking at him and wondering how one person can say so much without passing out from loss of breath. Suffice it to say, I was not impressed. So, why did I follow him home and spend the night? Honestly, as silly as it sounds, I was simply horny. I mean, I was single, bored and here was this guy who seemed nice enough, so, I thought, ‘what the hell’ when he asked if I wanted to go home with him.
It started at a one-night-stand, but damn, it was the hottest night I ever experienced. When, a month after this encounter, he contacted me and asked I wanted to do it again, I jumped at the chance. Then our relationship became a sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement. He calls, I show up. I call, he makes himself available. There was no wooing involved. No dating, fancy gifts, long talk about the relationship, or dreams about someday birthing little babies. Nope, what we had was just hot sex. While lovers were holding hands and gazing at skies, we were tonguing down each other and swapping bodily fluids. While lovers were exchanging Valentines’ gift, we were sharing links to new pornographic video/picture/literature that we thought the other person would like. While lovers were having pillow talks about the future, we were busying ourselves with giving each other orgasms after orgasms.
It was not supposed to be a relationship, but things changed fast. In between all the heated banging and the porn watching, we got to know each other. In between the heavy post-coital panting and the awkward post-coital goodbyes, we actually found each other’s personalities quite attractive. So, soon after, it was no longer just sex, it became more.
Being married to someone who saw your privates long before he saw your heart can be pretty challenging.
You wonder if all you have in common is sex. When people inevitably ask ‘So, how did you guys meet?’ you awkwardly exchange glances with your partner, silently asking him to come up with a story. Any story but the true story: you fear that the few people in your life who knew how you met might be right. There is something unnatural about your relationship. You fear that he does not really love you, and once the sex stops getting hot and heavy, he might disappear.
The thing is, I am a romantic. I have been one since I stumbled onto my first Harlequin romance books. And long after I stopped reading them, I still dreamed of a man who would into my life, woo me, take me out on romantic dates, asks my father for my hand in marriage, and someday, goes on one knee to declare that he cannot imagine life without me. Dave did not woo, we only had sex dates and I did not get my one-knee proposal. I guess we simply just ‘agreed’ to be married. Not romantic at all.
But does that mean I am not in love? Absolutely not. Dave is kind and considerate. He might not be the kind to take me out to dinner, but he will bring lunch to my place of work just because I say I am too lazy to go out and get something. He might not be the best cuddler, but he will dutifully massage my ankle if I so much as have a little sprain. He shows his love in ways that are different from what the romance books say and what the experts think.
Maybe the relationship will not stand the test of time. Maybe we will, one day, tire of the great sex and realize we have nothing in common. Maybe the fact that we had such an unconventional start might come to bite us in the ass. Or maybe on our 60th wedding anniversary, the crowd will be completely ticked because the guests of honor are busy banging away in the bathroom. Who knows?
But I have decided not to worry anymore. Three years into the marriage, I have decided to enjoy the amazing things Dave has given me. My two beautiful children, mindblowing sex whenever I want it, and a companion that shows his love by getting up at 1am to go and find me Suya because that happened to be my pregnancy craving.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bobby Flowers