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Sandra Dairo: When You Marry Your One-Night Stand

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It was not love at first sight. Sparks did not fly, bells did not ring, and our eyes certainly did not find each other in a crowded room. In fact, the only thing I remember about the day that Dave came into my life was that the internet was really slow.

I just finished serving my NYSC year, and while I was trying to find a job, I had a lot of time on my hands. This was just around when Blackberry became the trendy gadget in Nigeria, so I spent most of my days meeting people online, inviting them on my BBM and flirting all day long. Yes, flirting. I was not looking for a serious relationship at the time, I just wanted to meet fun people, get to know them and even go on a few fun dates.

It was one of such days that Dave sent a Facebook invite to me and nope, I did not notice his beautiful brown eyes through his profile picture and feel my heart beating erratically. I just accepted the request, and soon, we started chatting steadily, from Facebook to BBM, until we finally decided to hang out.

The day we spent an afternoon together, Dave certainly was not the most impressive person in the world. He talked. A lot. I found myself looking at him and wondering how one person can say so much without passing out from loss of breath. Suffice it to say, I was not impressed. So, why did I follow him home and spend the night? Honestly, as silly as it sounds, I was simply horny. I mean, I was single, bored and here was this guy who seemed nice enough, so, I thought, ‘what the hell’ when he asked if I wanted to go home with him.

It started at a one-night-stand, but damn, it was the hottest night I ever experienced. When, a month after this encounter, he contacted me and asked I wanted to do it again, I jumped at the chance. Then our relationship became a sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement. He calls, I show up. I call, he makes himself available. There was no wooing involved. No dating, fancy gifts, long talk about the relationship, or dreams about someday birthing little babies. Nope, what we had was just hot sex. While lovers were holding hands and gazing at skies, we were tonguing down each other and swapping bodily fluids. While lovers were exchanging Valentines’ gift, we were sharing links to new pornographic video/picture/literature that we thought the other person would like. While lovers were having pillow talks about the future, we were busying ourselves with giving each other orgasms after orgasms.

It was not supposed to be a relationship, but things changed fast. In between all the heated banging and the porn watching, we got to know each other. In between the heavy post-coital panting and the awkward post-coital goodbyes, we actually found each other’s personalities quite attractive. So, soon after, it was no longer just sex, it became more.
Being married to someone who saw your privates long before he saw your heart can be pretty challenging.

You wonder if all you have in common is sex. When people inevitably ask ‘So, how did you guys meet?’ you awkwardly exchange glances with your partner, silently asking him to come up with a story. Any story but the true story: you fear that the few people in your life who knew how you met might be right. There is something unnatural about your relationship. You fear that he does not really love you, and once the sex stops getting hot and heavy, he might disappear.

The thing is, I am a romantic. I have been one since I stumbled onto my first Harlequin romance books. And long after I stopped reading them, I still dreamed of a man who would into my life, woo me, take me out on romantic dates, asks my father for my hand in marriage, and someday, goes on one knee to declare that he cannot imagine life without me. Dave did not woo, we only had sex dates and I did not get my one-knee proposal. I guess we simply just ‘agreed’ to be married. Not romantic at all.

But does that mean I am not in love? Absolutely not. Dave is kind and considerate. He might not be the kind to take me out to dinner, but he will bring lunch to my place of work just because I say I am too lazy to go out and get something. He might not be the best cuddler, but he will dutifully massage my ankle if I so much as have a little sprain. He shows his love in ways that are different from what the romance books say and what the experts think.
Maybe the relationship will not stand the test of time. Maybe we will, one day, tire of the great sex and realize we have nothing in common. Maybe the fact that we had such an unconventional start might come to bite us in the ass. Or maybe on our 60th wedding anniversary, the crowd will be completely ticked because the guests of honor are busy banging away in the bathroom. Who knows?

But I have decided not to worry anymore. Three years into the marriage, I have decided to enjoy the amazing things Dave has given me. My two beautiful children, mindblowing sex whenever I want it, and a companion that shows his love by getting up at 1am to go and find me Suya because that happened to be my pregnancy craving.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bobby Flowers

Sandra Dairo is a creative writer and content creator. She finds humour in everything and believes life should not be taken so seriously. You can check out her adult-themed blog at thefiercelane.wordpress.com where she writes erotic stories, sex tips and more.

90 Comments

  1. Chic

    December 15, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Lol… I don’t know how I feel about this but I love the realness in it.

    • Ayana

      December 15, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      I love the realness too ….so refreshing

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      Thank you. I appreciate the kind words.

  2. Atebodi Mosi Aisoni

    December 15, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Hell NO!!! Girl when curves in ur LibidoS starts declining. What will be ur story. Hw do u relate to the children how u guys met. U say we Are BANGERS!!!

    • deedee

      December 15, 2015 at 11:44 am

      When you take out the sex.. what’s left ??? and this will be only a matter of time.. Menopause, libido say deuces!!”say bye say bye (in the words of Chris Brown)

    • mz_danielz

      December 15, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      ah ah, a partner who gets up at 1 a.m to buy Suya for her. Someone who brings lunch to her office. Methinks. the guy loves her and his love language is ‘acts of service’.

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      Lol. I will try not to put it quite like that. Hopefully we can get our stories straight before the kids get curious. Thank you for reading.

  3. elsa

    December 15, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Bruhhhhhhh…….

  4. Krasavitsa

    December 15, 2015 at 11:27 am

    Oh my goodness! Your story made me tear up. It’s so romantic! How could you not see it? I’d rather have this kind of Dave-romance; because he’s sensitive, than the average-Joe-romance where all he does is buy me gifts. Btw that sex you described is just too enviable. Happy 60th anniversary in advance! May the knee-buckling sex last throughout your marriage.

    • Jennelle

      December 15, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      U remind me of Deolububbles ?? @ average joe

  5. G!

    December 15, 2015 at 11:28 am

    This may not be the most conventional of stories (actually it isn’t) but it is a totally refreshing and honest account of things. People with unconventional tales like this need not be made to feel like their stories are any less special than others. True love is more practical than it is romantic and they sound like they have found ways to pragmatically love each other (while having great sex too). Kudos Sandra. Now go on and succeed in your marriage and silence the naysayers!

  6. mo

    December 15, 2015 at 11:32 am

    i find this story ‘normal.’ Not every one will get the romanic walk in the park, starry night dates, flowers et al. i know quite a number of people who started out as just ‘bang mates’ (if there’s such a word) and are now happily married.

    on the question of sharing the story about how they met, that’s simple: they met on facebook! nobody needs to what happened afterwards. kapish?

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:30 pm

      I agree. Love comes in surprising packages. Thank you for reading.

  7. treasure

    December 15, 2015 at 11:34 am

    this is beautiful. i like it!

  8. HOUSE OF ZINO

    December 15, 2015 at 11:35 am

    This is the REALEST!!! The truth is everyone must NOT meet their spouse at a wedding (I HATE IT WHEN EVERYONE USES that phrase) Did u go to a wedding for the sole aim of meeting getting a life partner(YOU BE HUNTER) This is the reason why so many marriages FAIL…you meet this saturday and the next few months u re talking marriage.

    Seee, you can meet your Life Partner at a BROTHEL and your marriage will stand the test of time.

    You can meet your spouse at a church and it will be the worst marriage.

    You can meet your life partner in a club or any UNGODLY place and it will work out perfectly.

    I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY MET THEIR SPOUSE AT A WEDDING OR IN THE CHURCH.(To make it sound like a perfect beginning)
    N:B Sorry for the long epistle. I am an UNCLE GWEGWEGWE…the struggle to get married ain’t easy. 2016 will NOT pass me by.

    • nina

      December 15, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Ngwanu lets hook up.

    • Krasavitsa

      December 15, 2015 at 1:27 pm

      Aww you guy’s story will be “we met on BN”. How unconventionally romantic!

    • HOUSE OF ZINO

      December 15, 2015 at 5:03 pm

      Hello @NINA, here’s my BBPin…5919c50c, expecting your invitation.?

    • NA S0

      December 15, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      hahaha!!! wish you luck ………………….nice words it musnt be church nor wedding ,am happily married but i never met my dude @ the church nor wedding,let the hooking up stand the best of time.

    • Adain

      December 15, 2015 at 1:58 pm

      LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ GWEGWEGWE I AM CRYING HERE!

    • Mz Titilitious

      December 15, 2015 at 2:43 pm

      lol.

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      You will certainly find your other half, and soon. Thank you for reading my story.

    • wendypearl

      January 21, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      wow love ur comment.!!!!! tell them all not every holy place of meeting dat works in marriage.

  9. Hmnnnn

    December 15, 2015 at 11:36 am

    Nice read. lemme start adding up random people and ping-flirting, who knows what I might end up with. Definitely not an STD.

    • Ay

      February 3, 2016 at 12:12 am

      [email protected] definitely not an STD……Can we meet? 2b9eace8 my pin

  10. Meee

    December 15, 2015 at 11:40 am

    I love, i love this! so real

  11. martinson oluwaseun

    December 15, 2015 at 11:40 am

    luvly…this is romantic too…having a different story from the cliché…you write well ma’am!

  12. l

    December 15, 2015 at 11:46 am

    im just here to decide whether to order dominos or broccoli and chicken breast?
    today is tuesday buy one and get one free…… 🙂

    • Queen of Everything

      December 15, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Broccoli and chicken breast, save the pigging out for Fridays 😉

    • l

      December 15, 2015 at 12:44 pm

      please why didnt you reply early lol…. i ordered the forbidden!! hopefully next week i shall save the pigging out for fridays!!

  13. Jane

    December 15, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    i love the truthfulness that comes with this piece, its refreshing.

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for reading.

  14. chu

    December 15, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    While I do not advocate mindless sex, I do love the realness of the latter part. Harlequin novels gave her a starry eyed expectation of marriage, I had same too. But the reality is, its the exception and not the norm that does these things. Men have different ways of showing romance and affection, its up to the woman to see this. Any man that can look for suya at 1am for a pregnant wife has got 5 stars in my book. Sometimes I feel my husband and I are not romantic enough, but I realize that I miss him every moment he is not home and always want to be around him, yabs and all.
    I believe that if you keep the fire alive your marriage will stand the test of time, and don’t lose the amazing sex.

  15. Jide

    December 15, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    Every relationship is a journey. The ‘unconventional’ or ‘conventional’ is only based on a third party’s perception. Madam Writer, you have a story with your husband, regardless of how you met you have a story, a story that has brought two children and great chemistry. Its both responsibilities to make it the sweetest story ever with no room of what anyone thinks. Speak with him about your feelings of ‘what if sex goes away and what will that do to your relationship’. Discuss it openly and squash it out and both of you continue in your journey. Abeg, you can meet your life partner anywhere, the journey is being orchestrated by a being greater than everyone on this planet. Abeg, enjoy your journey and dont be scared to tell people about how you guys met.

    j

    • Hadassah

      December 16, 2015 at 10:18 am

      As in Jide! I sooo Concur… I love Sandra’s realness! I like the fact that she acknowledges that it might have been the “Best Meeting Story” but then she has a lovely guy!

      Sweetie.. The foundation might have been unconventional… But You can still continue to have an amazing time and imbibe other things besides Sex!

      It seems you have a great guy, my dear build your marriage well, grow other common interests and have fun for the rest of your life!

      hugs and kisses!

  16. Fabulicious

    December 15, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Pardon me oooo,I don’t want to come across as JUDGE JUDY since we are all being real. The only thing that comes to mind is “when the foundation has k leg”.I hope this story is the same in 50years. FYI,both of you should come up with a how we met story for your kids*winks*

  17. abeeee

    December 15, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    Sister you have 3 years + 2 kids you should be happy. There are couples i know that followed all due process and protocols yet didn’t make it to year 2. I don’t believe marriage is built on romantic dates or rules and all that bs. It all boils down to understanding. Mutual understanding, respect and some other ingredients are more important than ‘Love’ when it comes to marriage. I think love, loyalty etc grows with time.

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:36 pm

      I agree. There is so much more to marriage than love. Hope we have what it takes. Thanks for reading.

  18. mswisp

    December 15, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    Love it……romantic and interesting. Happy 60years in advance.

  19. papermoon

    December 15, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    interesting story, people meet in all places and fall in love. some work, others do not. With the way this story went, i believe even if you hadnt done the “one-night*, he would still have ended with you. the heart knows…..

  20. Cynical

    December 15, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    I kept on expecting to get to the end and find out I was being punked….my gosh,the honesty in this article blew me away.

  21. Eseosagie

    December 15, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Dodgy but Real… wish them both luck.

  22. CHIKA

    December 15, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    I can relate, love it, like it, been there, done that and enjoyed it! #wishIcouldusemorewordstodescribeit Love your story girl.

  23. buzzy

    December 15, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    i wish my one night stand turned marriage ended up *this happily ever after*…….

    Still wonder what the hell i was thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. ATL's finest

    December 15, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    Lol I don’t how I feel about this but WOW the writer is very interesting. What an amazing article tho & besides, glad it turned out great. Yes, she’s right for I have met folks trying to be Dave ( Friends-with-benefits) at first although i can tell theres more to it , in the mix of it all . But, I just can’t see myself been that chick. But hey, best of luck y’both.

  25. annonymous

    December 15, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    I wish my sex life was as active as the writer’s sex life. I have been married for 4 years with 2 kids. I’m a very sexually active lady and we used to have sex satisfactorily whilst dating and in the early years of our marriage. Gosh! I enjoy sex a lot shaa. So when I don’t get it like 2 to 3 times a week, I lose focus at work. Yea, I’m vain like that. (judge me if you want). But the mind blowing sex I used to have with my husband has been slowly degenerating and I seem to be the only one bothered about this. sometimes I worry if he’s getting it outside, but then I ask how? he’s with me all weekend, how then will be manage to screw a babe when he’s at work all week and with me all weekend? I have raised this up with him on several occasions, but he seems to be ok with it. Just last night, I was craving for his attention as usual. He said see eh, He’s not getting any younger, bla bla bla, (he’s 39 btw), that libido will naturally reduce with time, that I can’t expect him to be as sexually active as he was years ago, before the kids arrived, that he prefers ‘quality’ and ‘passionate’ sex to ‘repetitive’ sex, that if I was the type that required daily sex, then maybe I shouldn’t have married him. Please guys, note that I was a size 10 before we married, and I still wear size 10 clothes. My abs are intact too, so its not as though I didn’t maintain my body after the kids arrived. I work out every other day and can compete with single girls out there. Infact, people around me often say that with the kind of body I have after 2 kids, that my husband will never get tired of making love to me. smh! If only they knew I’m always the one making the moves. All my married friends tell me their husbands approach them for sex on the average of 2 to 3 times a week. why is mine different eh? smh.

    I used to wonder why ladies cheat on their husbands even when they seem to have very comfortable lives. But now, I know better. I never cheated on my boyfriend whilst I was dating, so cheating on my husband is a no-no! I’ve weighed and weighed my options. Maybe I should start investing in sex toys. At least that one will not qualify as cheating, innit?? I wish bellanaija will make this my comment a full topic so I can get readers’ opinion.

    • Blackbeauty

      December 15, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      Oya o BN, here’s an Aunt Bella story. Please do the needful..
      You guys have to talk, like really talk and no sugar coating. Identify the problem and practical ways to solve them. If you have to, schedule sex till it begins to be spontaneous again. You may have to compromise though. Ensure he has no medical problems.
      You guys will be alright.

    • omawumi

      December 15, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      I’m in the exact situation. I am very happily married. But no luck sex and he is not cheating. He says his libido is low. How can your libido be so low at 37. We have sex once a week and I am tired.

      I just warned him seriously a fee days ago. If it was the other way around and a wife denied her husband sex we no go hear word. IF I DON’T GET SEX ONCE A WEEK from now on, I am going to find it somewhere else.

      If something is wrong with your hormones, go fix it.

  26. glow

    December 15, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    My fiance was my closest male pal…we used to have movie nights at my place….after the movies one night..we were both asleep. I woke up around 2am and was horny…went to his bed and was all over him..we made out that night…..had plenty sex everywhere…then I fell in love with him…he realised later he had feelings for me too…we arre getting married soon….

    • Excess3code

      December 15, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Horny sister around uncle john.

    • Adain

      December 15, 2015 at 2:00 pm

      *RME*

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:45 pm

      Your story makes me feel better and more optimistic about mine. Love can sure surprise us. Thanks for sharing.

  27. Iris

    December 15, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    Sandra Dairo is this a true story? If it isn’t please stop receiving these people commenting above by adding that it is fiction lol. It’s funny that you dont think this is romantic because it drips with saccharine liquid and is a lonely, single girl’s dream. These are the kinds of things you read as a pre-teen, and then meet someone when you’re older, sex them and leave your heart in their bedroom…for them to toss out the window when they’re done. You’ll now be left there talking about stories that touch the heart.
    I don’t believe all good relationships start in ‘holy’ places. In fact, sometimes I wonder if some BN proposal stories have not been altered to be made more PG. However, I do believe that a lot of romantic things are fictional. I wish they weren’t because i was / am a huge romantic (a terrible habit I’m trying to break) but they are. I used to be the queen of McNaught, Kleypas, Roberts, Garwood, even Sidney Sheldon infused bits into his story. I’d rewind parts in Pretty Woman, Sense and Sensibility, Love Potion Number 9. Then I realised that everything was unrealistic and at the end of the day all these creators are providing a SERVICE for money. They created characters for you to fall in love with.
    I say all this to say, if this is someone’s story, I am happy for them. However, that story is rare so please don’t sleep with some guy and then fall for him. If the agreement was sex, sex is all he will have in mind. The kind of people these things happen to are in the minds of Nora Roberts and Jackie Collins.

    • Iris

      December 15, 2015 at 1:41 pm

      Deceiving*

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:43 pm

      I agree it is rare. And i had my doubts before going in, but ultimately, i followed my heart. Thank you for reading.

  28. follow follow

    December 15, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    i perri you your abuna will only expand every one’s journey is different

  29. Adaeze Writes

    December 15, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    I love the realness of this piece and I enjoyed it. Very lovely write-up!

  30. JIP

    December 15, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    One of my bestie’s cousin and I have been friends on Bbm for over 3years,but had never met cos I kept declining his calls for dates and stuff..i didnt want to date him cos of his looks ..So it happened last year @ a low point in my life,dude invited me over and I had a one night stand with him.The sex was the best sex of my life but the next morning,l ran..He kept Calling and insisting I date him,but I couldn’t tell him my reason for turning him down and so I stopped taking his calls because I Got confused as to whether he was wanted me genuinely or it was the sex..One day we talked,i told him that I regretted strafing him so he could leave me be.He blocked me on social media and deleted my number.Now my friend(his cousin)is getting married and he called me to plan a surprise for her,so Yeah I know he’s going to be there and i’ve been having sleepless nights about it..One sure thing I know is that I haven’t stopped thinking about him and that night.

  31. Chidinma

    December 15, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    I love the raw, unapologetic honesty in this piece! Wish people could be this real or atleast less pretentious with their love stories. I am tireddd of reading “how we met” stories esp on BN where the babe will paint a story of the guy seeing her at a party/uni/wedding/church(always those 4 venues) and dying for her for daysss and then she does shakara for yonkssss and he relentlessly stays on her case because she is oh so wonderful and then one day she decides to do charity work and give him a probational chance….and then he sweeps her off her feet and is the most perfect man on earth and then wisks her away to st tropez and proposes with a massive rock. O gini di! So this is how every naija couple met abi?? Where are the ones who met organically? Unconventionally? Who even snatched their friend’s men? Who cheated on their boos with their currents? Who got the ring because they got the belle or who got the ring because the guy want papers. Biko this life is too real for everyone’s story to be this “perfectly” uniform and some of us see thru the BS. If u had a messy or unconventional meeting/beginning, u dont have to give us all the deets because its not our business but the problem is when u start making up fairy tales or embellishing just to get oohs and ahhhs for 5 minutes. If u are happy in ur situation then u shouldnt feel the need to lie in order to get public approval…keep it private and classy then.
    Kudos again to this writer…i havent seen such an honest and refreshing acccount on here in a bit….if ever.

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:40 pm

      I agree.. there should be no shame to your love. Thank you for reading.

    • O.O.

      December 15, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      As much as I agree that the “how we met” stories on BN are almost always fictional, so is this one. But rather than the princess in a white dress, Disney fairy tale, she has opted for the seductress in a tight dress, bad b**** biopic. Both false, both bound to lead impressionable readers astray.

    • AA

      December 16, 2015 at 4:39 am

      Thank you for this comment. I laughed out loud at my desk.

  32. Kyjuan

    December 15, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    I can relate to this. To put it simply, i met my wife when i simply wasn’t searching. I had just come out of a serious relationship of approx 5 years and was absolutely crushed. I left the shores of nigeria shortly after that and I decided i wold stay away from serious relatiionships for a while and instead go on a no strings attached mayhem. It was ideal until i met this girl. She was supposed to be “just another one” on the list ad as soon as that box was ticked i moved unto others but i found myself coming back to her…spending time, having eat overs (things i never did with the others). I decided one day to “wake up” from my dream and went over to hers to “officially” break off whatever the sex sessions was involving into. She cried her eyes out but i consciously remained hard heated. I left and went back to mine. That night was the longest night of my life. I couldnt sleep as something kept telling me i was making a big mistake and if this one got away, i would regret it for the rest of my life.
    I decided to follow my heart and was at her place the following day to apologise and asked to start afresh properlly and officially. That was 2007. We got married after 5 years of official dating and now have a beautiful daughter. I wouldn’t classify myself as romantic neither do i think she is (but i know every woman appreciates a man that makes an effort) but i always in my own way ensure that she knows how much i care about her. She is the best partner i could probably have and the best mother i could have wished for my daughter. Typical human part of me would at times wonder what could have been if i chose to marry someone else but deep down inside i’m pretty convinced i made the right decision. And as already said by a few people on here, marriage aint the movies and novels we read….you have to put the work in to get what you want out of it. If you want an average marriage, put in average effort. If you want the amazing one, put in amazing effort. Above all, ensure God is numero uno 🙂

    • Sandra Dairo

      December 15, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      Beautiful words. Hope your marriage lasts forever.

  33. Nonye

    December 15, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Dear Sandra,

    As much as I love your candour, I don’t understand what sort of fun it is looking for people on BBM, meeting complete strangers and even having sex with someone whose surname you probably dont know. What????? Una no dey fear? Call me judgemental if you like but that’s some stupid thing to do. Hot sex hot sex hot sex. I thought fun should be about learning new things, skills, etc. Una don spoil finish. Smh and walks away.

    • Krasavitsa

      December 15, 2015 at 3:38 pm

      @ Nonye………………..And Judge Judy has finally arrived! Welcome ma. What does surname have to do with great sex???

    • Nonye

      December 17, 2015 at 9:54 am

      That sure says a lot about you! You don’t know or like a person well enough before you get into his bed. What has your mum been teaching you? huh

    • Mabel

      December 15, 2015 at 7:26 pm

      @Nonye..lol. I have a feeling deep down you envy these two their hot sex. You don’t understand it so in your mind it must be wrong or evil. The man and woman found their right physical fit and made the rest happen.

  34. Mz Titilitious

    December 15, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    hmmm. Met my bf on twitter, from twitter to bbm….. we quarelled alot on bbm like kilode ehn! if anyone had told me that we would ever date i would have make sure we didnt lol, not knowing he is gonna be the best boo ever! 😉

  35. Kbebe

    December 15, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    John Legend and Chrissy Tiegen. She went to see him after some video or photo shoot and she spent the night. Eight years later, they are married and she’s expecting his child. Truth is not everyone’s story is the same or would end like this. If they have learnt to work around it, who are you to judge?

  36. Jennifer

    December 15, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    I met this hawt guy twice in d same week and I jez knew I had to av him…..so I can totally relate to Sandra ‘ s story….will it ever b sumfin else?I want it to be buh e doesn’t seem to b going in that direction….it’s getting really frustrating to jez av a FWB situation so I’m weaning myself of him…Happy 60th anniversary Sandy

  37. bisisexy

    December 15, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    I was always posting on Bella naija, hahaha I didn’t know other pple where waiting for this opportunity or waiting for what happened to dat gal dat sent her pre wedding shoot with a white guy(mariam adeyem)she said she was rude to her man d guy was still begging, white guys hate rude babes,and I live partly in jand so I know wat am saying. I appreciate true stories and know a true story when I read one, mariam ade yemi dat did d pre wedding shoot wit d white guy my sis always says I notice pple’s attitude from reading deir watsapp or stories on Bella, am a deep thinker, I believe mariam sent pics to d guys wife,bcos from her wedding story u will know she is fake and vindictive, I like chidinma’s comment when I read wedding stories in jand and America I will say isn’t it d same place guys and babes marry for paper?i don’t believe in one night stands,i have done it and it didn’t work, my crazy best will say try again,d writer deosnt know her hubby like her some Nigerian guys won’t marry deir one night stand partner dey will say she is easy,me and my toaster quarelled.He asked me dat we go for late night movies and crash at his place,he works late, he is a banker,I said no,the disadvantages of one night stand or just dey pencil is guys take it for granted dey feel ur being too proud,like I met shade caterpillar ass, fine 6. Digit salary babe,asked her and she gave me some, so y u dey fil? Zero tolerance for shakara babes like me haha

  38. bisisexy

    December 15, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    I was always posting on Bella naija, hahaha I didn’t know other pple where waiting for this opportunity or waiting for what happened to dat gal dat sent her pre wedding shoot with a white guy(mariam adeyem)she said she was rude to her man d guy was still begging, white guys hate rude babes,and I live partly in jand so I know wat am saying. I appreciate true stories and know a true story when I read one, mariam ade yemi dat did d pre wedding shoot wit d white guy my sis always says I notice pple’s attitude from reading deir watsapp or stories on Bella, am a deep thinker, I believe mariam sent pics to d guys wife,bcos from her wedding story u will know she is fake and vindictive, when I read wedding stories in jand and America on bella, I will say isn’t it d same place guys and babes marry for residency? don’t believe in one night stands,i have done it and it didn’t work, my crazy best will say try again,d writer deosnt know her hubby like her some Nigerian guys won’t marry deir one night stand partner dey will say she is easy,me and my toaster quarelled.He asked me dat we go for late night movies and crash at his place,he works late, he is a banker,I said no,the disadvantages of one night stand or just dey pencil is guys take it for granted dey feel ur being too proud,like I met shade caterpillar ass, fine 6. Digit salary babe,asked her and she gave me some, so y u dey fil? Zero tolerance for shakara babes like me haha

  39. Watch

    December 15, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Somethings are beautiful when written.

    Make una nor go follow sandra o. I speak the truth.

    Have a good foundation.

  40. Sandra Dairo

    December 15, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    I am glad you believe we have a chance. Thank you for reading.

  41. dee

    December 15, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Sandra, all the best in your marriage o. but i cannot! After 1 failed 9 years long relationship and another failed 9 month “situationship” which both had amazing sex, I am absolutely done with Hot sex till quarter to marriage..My own unconventional love story will have to be another type biko..lol
    beautiful writing tho!

  42. Koffie

    December 15, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    Very cutesy but do not try this at home, OYO is your case oo.
    Seriously now, one thing that stood out in Sandra’s love story and others I’ve read is that they found love when they weren’t looking for it and I’ve had this discussion with one of my dearest friends, she doesn’t think she’ll ever ‘stop looking’. Seems like an easy thing to do though but if you truly desire a great relationship, how do you ever stop looking? Of course, these thoughts only fly through your head on idle weekends cos in between hectic work, Lagos traffic and weekend classes, you forget you’re in the ‘market’ for meaningful dates. Lol
    Haha, a married colleague at work went to lunch with me the other day and had strategically chosen a table for us to join a certain gentleman (or not?) and I got there, sized up the table and asked that we sit elsewhere. No wonder she was doing her eyes somehow trying to tell me she’s up to something. I asked her if something was in her eyes and she just shook her head, stood up and we sat elsewhere. I won’t hear the last of this, haha. I thought the guy ‘looked married’ though but she had sized up his finger for ring or a tan line, choi… I’m a serious learner

  43. demash

    December 16, 2015 at 1:49 am

    Dear writer, I believe you are a lucky woman. You might not have met your husband in the most desirable of circumstances, however you’ve made the best of it and you seem to have a pretty healthy marriage. Truth is, love finds you even when you are not looking for it. My mum told me of how she mad my dad almost 4 decades back. It was a simple hook-up and bam 3 months later she was pregnant, at that time she wasn’t into him cos he’s smoking habit was a turn off. The only thing she knew was he was a nice and responsible man and 40 years on, she couldn’t have dreamt it better. Of course he dropped his smoking habit a few years later (on my naming I was told). Ditto for my Snr bro who hooked up with his wife while attending to her mum at his clinic and they hooked up after barely knowing each other. We were less than impressed with him initially accentuated by tribal differences but a decade later they are going strong. Even those of us that met in “church” are not any doing better. However, mature adults should be able to assess the direction of a relationship after one or two hook-ups. I also believe these relationships pass the test of time than all those with the unnecessary embellishments of proposals, romaticised drama etc etc. Don’t get me wrong, abstinence is good but it’s not a prerequisite for a great marriage. A neighbour met his wife, who was nursing a kid, at a party in college and they hooked up same night, they’ve been married for 25 years but the wife preaches abstinence to youths nowadays. Doesn’t change the fact that they have a great marriage.

  44. Dee

    December 16, 2015 at 10:54 am

    I love the honesty and openness in this story!!! Such a rare thing to see this type of openness about sexuality from a Nigerian writer- love it.

    I am here just wondering why you’re going back to sex being the bedrock of your relationship? From your write-up, it doesn’t sound like it- I would be more concerned if a wedding had happened 1 morning after a great sexual encounter 2 months into the “relationship”. I would be concerned if your relationship is unhealthy- fights, quarrels, etc that only calms down with sex. I would be concerned if he was irresponsible and you spend days/hours thinking if you made the right decision marrying him. I would be concerned if you can’t hold conversations or stand each other, but can only have sex.

    However, it sounds like you have something great going on, but you’re concerned about how your past will determine your future- no matter how great or little sex you’re having now, life will happen (old age, responsibilities, decreasing libido, etc), so enjoy the great sex while you can- enjoy it for all its worth.

    That being said, thoughts like this may be common. Afterall, I did not even have pre-marital sex (spiro sister consign) and I still wonder if there is more to my marriage than sex in my moments of silliness. So if you ever get in that headspace or come across anybody trying to shame your awesome life because of how you met, smile, give a reset slap, as needed, and enjoy that the sex is an integral part of your relationship (and rightly so), as is every other part- kindness, conversations, building for the future, etc.

  45. mulikat

    December 16, 2015 at 11:23 am

    deedee,Menopause,dont mean sex stop for women, is really sex start,women dont afried of pregant again, no more ashame to ask their partner, i want it this way or like this, cos we have nothing to lose @ that age.we want it more and more style u dont ask for when u are young,is men that have problem when getting old, joy sick not strong, want rest,sleep ,reading or looking tv,so pack well about what u dont understand when come to Menopause,

  46. nena

    December 16, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    i can relate, but this story doesn’t end up the way we want it

  47. Nne

    December 16, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Up una. We have a similar story. 2 kids and 9 years in…we still at it, even made a couple of our own sex tapes. And yes, you all are in love. I doubt the sex will fade,

  48. Vann

    December 16, 2015 at 11:48 pm

    Your story left my mouth hanging open. I’m like wow! Though the beginning counts, but the fact that you’re both still in it means that how it ends depends on you two and your combined efforts to make it work- and the end is what matters most. I wish you two the best. Me, i want a jack and rose type of romance/love without the tragic ending, the rhett butler and scarlett o’hara passion/love story… I’m a mad fan of nora roberts, damn if i don’t want the male characters in her book, especially roarke in her In Death series written with the alias, jd robb.

  49. Lou

    December 17, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    I’m glad this is not my story,

  50. HADIZA

    January 7, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Loveeeee your story Sandra, very realistic and honest; enjoy your life and be glad always.

  51. zee

    January 8, 2016 at 10:20 pm

    I can very well relate with Sandra’s story and I believe it could be true. After a couple failed relationships/situationships, I had given up on love.. A lady hooked me up with ds guy… we met n I was so sure he wasn’t my type. He still showed up at my office for lunch d next day. I tagged along bored. 5 days later we had sex… dude showed up for lunch d next afternoon again, I was surprised cos I felt I had blown d little friendship we had by letting it out so easy. Well I continued with d sex fun, I saw myself meeting his folks and doing introduction etc 7 months later, we were married. NOTE dat I WAS NOT PREGNANT BEFORE THE WEDDING. He neva proposed with a ring on bended knees. He casually asked if I would marry him, after having sex one night and I said ok. It hasn’t bn totally rosy but it feels right. I do believe a greater non judgemental being has orchestrated how we will all meet out soulmates. With my husband, I Would do it all over again!

    • Ay

      January 21, 2016 at 10:42 am

      Sandra Is this a True Story? Abi na U? Anyway Nothing like Hooooooooot Sex Always trust me! Romance, Money, is good but if the Sex is not Steaming Hooooooooot Hmmmmmmmm D Relationship may b shakky

  52. Ay

    January 21, 2016 at 10:23 am

    Sandra Dairo is this a True Story and Is it abt U…Great Story if True……..Nothing Keeps a Marriage going like Hooooooooot Sex Trust me! Other things like money, kids, romance are good but if no Hooooooooot Sex in a Relationship Hmmmmmm

  53. wendypearl

    January 21, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    Me love this story. not all about how they met biko.

  54. LifeAsItIs

    January 25, 2016 at 12:01 am

    This is so real. In as much as i am an advocate for no premarital sex, there is this honesty in this post that makes it alluring!
    I really do hope you guys remain together even with the sex taken away.

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