Ivy O: Who Is Your Wedding For?

Weddings. They seem to be on everyone’s lips these days. Or so it seems to me. Maybe it’s because people in my age bracket are getting married or maybe it’s because weddings are big deals or big businesses these days. Maybe it’s because it is the age of social media and everyone doesn’t want to carry last so it’s only right to show off. Whatever it is, wherever I turn to these days, all I hear is talk of weddings.

Now I don’t have a problem with that. I know I’m not getting married any time soon so there’s no pressure, added to the fact that I am not a “wedding person”. In my whole lifetime I cannot recall attending up to ten weddings, that is including the ones I was dragged to as a child, or the ones I played the role of little bride or flower girl.

I’m in my twenties now and I still do not enjoy going for these things. I don’t enjoy large gatherings, especially the ones where there are different age groups. Add that to my being socially awkward sometimes. So when I check my snapchat every Saturday and see people tying gele and wearing agbada, I ask myself “HOW DO THEY DO IT?????”
From the intimating pre-wedding shoots to the expensive asoebi, it’s all too much to take in. Guests coming to outdo each other in terms of dressing, I could never keep up. There are some regular faces I see on Asoebi Bella every week, I ask myself how many new couples does this person know that they sew new dresses and attend weddings every week. I find it hard to get up from my bed during the weekends, much less buy material, sew and do professional Instagram-worthy makeup EVERY SATURDAY! With all the pomp, parents are definitely not left out. They have also caught up on the glamorous image weddings are supposed to have.

I’ve asked a couple of people if they would like big or small weddings, and most of them always say they prefer small weddings. So who are the people now doing big weddings? A lot of the people I asked mentioned that their parents would make a big deal out of their weddings and I figured they were right. My mum for one will try everything in her power to make my wedding a carnival. I have imagined myself having a destination wedding just to avoid the usual crowd that make up Nigerian weddings. I’d invite my parents telling them it was a holiday. When they show up I’d just say “Oya it’s my wedding oh! Just wear your clothes and come to venue”. But I know my mum will never forgive me if I pulled such a stunt.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve been taking hints from her. She’d see a huge cake on TV with sparks shooting out and she’d go “That’s how your cake will be!”. Or we’d watch Say yes to the dress on TLC and she’d be chipping in opinions and tips on how she’d act if she was going wedding dress shopping with her daughter. Just dropping little hints here and there. I remember one time when she was a personal assistant to this very quiet South-South man who was married to this white lady. His kids were also married to Americans. So they didn’t have many friends here. When his last daughter was getting married he asked my mum to organise many aspects of the wedding but he wanted something small and simple. My mum’s idea of small was bringing in a large dancing troupe and 2 coaster buses filled with just office staff, excluding the family’s friends and well wishers.

I also recall one time someone made her the “Mother of the day” but she was sick and couldn’t attend. Being the Vice-President of the women’s wing of our village association, she sent women from neighbouring states to represent her. They filled up a big canopy. I honestly don’t want something too big. 250 guests at most. Pere. But I’m scared my mum will make the venue Wonderland and invite everybody she knows, which comes to about 10,000 people. I totally understand that parents want to show off their kids during weddings but is it necessary to include the unnecessary?
From the pressure from parents, to the urge to please guests, to the image you want to portray on social media, I guess there are reasons for these things. Personally I don’t see the point of a lot of these things but if it’s important to some people, that’s their cup of tea. We are different people afterall. I just do not support going out of your way to please other people on “your” wedding day if you do not have the means.

If you want to have a big wedding, that’s all good. If you want a small wedding, also fine. It’s your wedding, do what you want. I really just want to know who you are doing your wedding for. Are you doing it for yourself, for the satisfaction of having the wedding you always dreamed of. Or are you doing it for the ‘gram? Or for Bellanaija? Or for your parents? I really just want to know your opinions.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime