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Iniobong Umoh: The Trendy Nigerian’s Starter Pack

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dreamstime_l_50105456We are in the modern age where being trendy is cool and desirable. Everybody wants to be seen as being fashionable and stylish.

We spend a lot of money on items that will showcase our trendy status; the latest cars, the newest dresses, we download and listen to the most current tracks of our favourite singers and watch the latest movies. Our society is ever evolving with new innovations. What is considered vogue today would be discarded and referred to as old school tomorrow.

The fashion styles of yesteryears, the music of yesteryears, the gadgets and devices of yesterday are now obsolete today. So if you do not want to be left out in our dynamic society, you must flow along with the times. You must adapt in line with the times.

However, some people refuse to adapt. They remain stuck up in the old ways of doing things and find it difficult to function well in today’s world. They are seen as non-conformists or as weird people.

For the young Nigerian on social media, being trendy is a necessity, or else you wouldn’t know what the hell is happening and won’t be able to follow and contribute to the conversations online.

Let us draw up a list of some items that are necessary for a young trendy Nigerian. This is a starter pack, the basic entry level, not a full exhaustive list.

In no particular order, here we go…

  1. An android phone with social media and messaging apps.
  2. A minimum of 1 gig data plan on sim card to surf Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, BBM, YouTube, Instagram and BellaNaija
  3. Sunshades
  4. Skinny jeans
  5. Two pairs of canvas shoes
  6. A girlfriend or boyfriend for companionship
  7. A music playlist featuring contemporary Naija musicians
  8. Nairabet ticket for weekend premier league games
  9. A car or any contraption that runs on four wheels.
  10. A bank account with at least N3000 cash balance
  11. Three novels
  12. A Jollof rice-loving stomach
  13. An earpiece
  14. Skin bleaching cream for the ladies
  15. A laptop or tablet or notebook
  16. A Bible or Koran
  17. A wallet for stashing of Naira notes and ID cards
  18. A make up kit and handbags for the ladies
  19. A hair clipper for the guys
  20. A few bottles of Orijin and Gulder beer in the refrigerator
  21. Five packs of Indomie noodles
  22. A desktop charger for charging multiple phone batteries
  23. Three sim cards; one for calls, the others for browsing and downloading files.
  24. Three ATM cards
  25. Two pure water satchets in the fridge
  26. A 21-inch tv set
  27. A packet of condoms
  28. A home theatre system for entertainment
  29. A small generator
  30. A small refrigerator
  31. A sharp and sugarcoated tongue for talking your way out of a fix.
  32. Aso ebi outfit for weddings and other ceremonies.

Add yours; let’s see how long this pack would be.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Iniobong Umoh is a multi-contextual writer, story teller and brand content creator. He writes with a touch of humour, satire and reality.Email: [email protected] IG: @ini_leroi Twitter: @iniobong_

17 Comments

  1. lily

    June 3, 2016 at 7:10 pm

    lol. this made me laugh out loud.

    • Iniobong Umoh

      June 5, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      😀

  2. The Mine

    June 3, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    A sugar daddy for international trips to post on instagram 4 likes.
    A door or wall for posing..
    A signature pose e.g {looking down}.
    A f*ckboy for well… fukboism!

    • Iniobong Umoh

      June 5, 2016 at 11:09 pm

      Lol, Your list is really trendy @The Mine

  3. Chi

    June 3, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    Lmaoooo at The Mine you’re sooo funny !

    Madam o you forgot to add a funeh accent !!!!!! And to be a part of nigerian Twitter .

  4. Marlvina

    June 3, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    “A big chop” for the natural hair peeps!

  5. Riri

    June 3, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    “Two pairs of canvas shoes”. Very well then.

  6. IJS

    June 3, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    A light skinned / dark skinned bias

    • Iniobong Umoh

      June 5, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      Very true

  7. Dr O

    June 4, 2016 at 3:17 am

    A clueless friend whose daddy has oil money. Though now sef, those ppl are scared of Buhari and behaving!

    • Iniobong Umoh

      June 5, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      Dr O, they are all on lowkey

  8. Tosin

    June 4, 2016 at 6:27 am

    parody or what?
    Jesus.

    • Iniobong Umoh

      June 5, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      Reality Tosin

  9. Abominable snow girl.

    June 4, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    A human hair weave-on or wig… for the ladies.

  10. ElessarisElendil

    June 4, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    Seeing as I only have 4 of the things on the list, I don’t think my opinion qualifies?????

    Ain’t never stopped me though???:

    1. Non-Fiction books, at least one about history.

    2. A gaming console, clearly a PS4.

    3. Knowing Beats by Dre is wack and sooooooo mainstream, Seinheisers or Audio-Technica is where its at.

    4. Not just any laptop……come on!! a Mac or one those Asus lookalikes.

    5. Bach, Beethoven, Mozart.

    6. One ATM card ???? loyalty is in!

    7. Curved TV, definitely not 21 inches or at least don’t keep the small one in the parlour.

    8. A personal charity, giving is the new saving.

    9. You’ve READ Game of Thrones, preferably enough to know the show messed up Euron and Doran.

    10. Your pop-culture game is???Starter test being: you got all the jokes in Deadpool.

    I love these sort of articles that lighten the mood. Thanks Iniobong.

    P.S you did ask for a long list, happy to oblige.

    • Iniobong Umoh

      June 5, 2016 at 11:14 pm

      Cool list Elessaris. I only have two items out of the ten in your list 🙁

  11. Eunice

    June 6, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Photo editing apps n a dabbing pose….Then Akpakpan money bag….Lol

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