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Should You Give Your Man Money? WATCH Toolz & Gbemi talk about this Hot Topic on #TheHandover

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Introducing the #TheHandover show on The Beat 99.9FM with Nigerian radio personality Toolz Oniru-Demuren and Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi.

The #HotTopic for the show was “Should You Give Your Man Money?”

A question for the ladies, as money is such a sensitive topic in a relationship, when is it best to share your funds? Or do both individuals face reality that they are not together to leech off one another but rather support each other when necessary.

Also, do you dash money based on “I like him or he needs it?” And when do you become responsible for your partners financial needs in a serious relationship.

For the guys, should you feel obliged to give a lady money simply because she’s a lady?

Find out more on this hot topic and watch the video below!

49 Comments

  1. Ima

    July 26, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    How is it a big deal to give a man money if he needs it? Isn’t he also a human being? So help is only limited to women because they’re female?
    I don’t encourage laziness in my relationships but if my man asks me for help and I can, I will. This is what love is. Severally I have helped both ladies and guys and it’s nothing to me but I agree that sometimes people take advantage which is unfair. I advice we all apply caution to how we give but that shouldn’t mean we won’t give

    • Kadara

      July 26, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      If I don’t give my man money who will? As long as there is trust what’s the big deal. Money is a resource like any other. When he needs it and I have I give it to him and vice versa

      1
  2. Ima

    July 26, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    Please I know this is out of context but I want to ask if anyone has experience working with VIP Express Limited, they are into selling of holiday packages and from what I’ve heard you work everyday including Saturday and Sundays and public holidays too. I just want to know if the job is worth it coz I heard there’s no basic salary only commission. Please help me out, my flatmate has been without a job for over 6 months and she is really confused about this job offer.

    • run

      July 26, 2016 at 12:39 pm

      run run run
      they are thieves

    • Cynthia

      July 26, 2016 at 12:44 pm

      Fraudulent they are. She is better off selling houses for fixed percentages than selling VIP Express Packages

  3. Cynthia

    July 26, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    I don’t encourage giving “big” money to your man/woman in a relationships. Reason is because there’s the feeling of being cheated/taken for granted when you cloth, feed, support business/education, transport, f***k and cook for him/her then he/she goes his/her merry way – Wasted resources. Give them biscuit/chewing gum money that won’t leave a dent in your savings or financial plans. Point is: give little support money when he/she is really in need but never enough to break your heart should things go south.

  4. run

    July 26, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    @Hot topic,

    It baffles me that all these feminist proponents and propagandist only choose what pleases them.

    In previous articles, You will see “Wife not cook”, “50-50”, “i cook you cook”, “i clean, you clean” bla bla bla but when it comes to money, fogerrit!

    Why should this be a topic in the first place not to talk about being a Hot Topic?

    But the truth of the matter is that i have seen ladies like this around. You intentionally ask them (not that you need it) but they tell you “I CAN NEVER GIVE A MAN MY MONEY” but they want you to buy the most ridiculous of things for them- including recharge card, shawarma, take me to the club, pay for my hair….what a shame!

    Many of them come for assistance and you know what? Since i am not your father, i cannot help you! I cannot hinder/tamper with what God is doing in your life. Enjoy the suffering and the phase! Poverty no dey kill person and if it kills you, you can still make heaven so its not a new thing

    One was crying cos her soap and cream has finished the other day- know the last time many men got a cream? Whatever you cannot give out to a man/woman, dont expect it back from any baga

    Men, i have few words for you

    Woe be unto that man that makes himself an ATM/Bank for any woman!

    A box of pizza cost 3500 while a bag of cement cost 1500. Cant you see these chics are eating your mansion?

    Never impress women by spending on them. Instead, invest big on your business and your success will impress them. Only silly men chase women. Chase your dream and vision. When you catch your dream, the woman of your dreams will chase you

    • Naijatalk

      July 26, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      Can’t you see these chics are eating your mansion? You are not serious lol!
      A kindhearted and generous person would give wisely without thought. Even if the relationship goes south, you will be recompensed for your kindness. Treat people well and the universe will reward you.

    • Nahum

      July 26, 2016 at 2:44 pm

      I am a feminist and I agree with you. It annoys the hell out of me when I see ladies begging for money to buy cream and bag and shoe. Have ladies become so shameless that we can not even work for these small items, we have to beg or sleep around for it. As for the giving men money, give your husband, not your boyfriend.

    • Mr. Egghead

      July 26, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      “Have women become so shameless that we cannot work for these small items?”

      Yes,

    • Kadara

      July 26, 2016 at 4:57 pm

      Please stop assuming that every woman is a feminist. I am a feminist and I certainly have no problem with giving my man money when he has a genuine need and vice versa.

    • Fashionista

      July 27, 2016 at 12:18 pm

      Eating your mansion ???.

  5. Viv

    July 26, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    Can I ask this question. Please you all should reply. I have dated a guy for three years now and although he has among the top 10 percent earners in my country I have never asked for a dime. He has never given me a dime…I support myself fully…school..accommodation…travel etc everything. Never ever asked for a bottle of water and his never given me either. So this last few months I run into a very serious issue and needs a few grands to solve but I don’t have the money disposable to me immediately. He knows the whole story and how d issue needs to be solved immediately he just stops bringing it up or mentioning it immediately the money aspects comes up. I laid the facts to him but didnt ask him for the money directly because i figured if for the first time in three years i actually need help he should be the first to come to my rescue. I just stopped asking me about the situation and I guess he does not want to give me the money and this is a very bad situation that I am in. And he claims to love me. How do I look at him different after I resolve this issue by myself? How can u love someone that has never asked u for anything for three years and just watch them suffer? I am finding it hard to process. Please kindly help. In the same month he told me he wants to purchase one of most expensive cars…all cash buy. And no am not his side chick…we practically live together and we know each others family intimately and headed towards marriage.

    • Nene

      July 26, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      Your boyfriend is stingy. A man that lives u will give u things from time to time. Women are not as giving, but most men are. I think you should have a heart to heart with him about this.

    • Tgirl

      July 26, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      My ex was stingy too! Like very. We would be together like this, and he would blow 6 grand on Gucci and lv and won’t bother asking what I want. It’s me that would be picking for him self. I feel for you. Even though our cases are different I can relate small!

    • Jade edo babe

      July 26, 2016 at 6:17 pm

      Sometimes, he’s not stingy. It’s a matter of trust and how close you both are in a relationship. As stated, men are more generous than women. It’s just a bit of understanding, clarity that you both need. Sometimes, if you carry yourself as so independent, men think ok she got this until you have a nice talk with them that I seriously need help. An understanding of, am I giving to just dash or there’s plan to pay back is vital.

    • ogeAdiro

      July 26, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      He might see you as some wonder woman who handles her business. And not everyone knows how to mix money with relationships/friendships. But remember, someone giving you money also means that they can chook mouth inside your business. For instance, if I was bringing the money, I might decide that I don’t like your solution to the problem. Ultimately, you need to sit down with him and ask if he can help?

    • nunulicious

      July 26, 2016 at 3:06 pm

      Lol.
      It appears right from the beginning of the relationship you were forming equality with him which is apparently what is playing out. Every man has an ego. A woman best learn when and how to appeal and stir his ego. For instance, when you offer to take him out on your bill, he’s happy that “my woman can take me out”. And when you’re in distress, he’s happy that he can solve it for you. Somewhere along the line, you both haven’t balanced that fine line.
      Where will a man spend money if not on you? lol. If he doesn’t spend money on you he will buy expensive toys or give it as saraa.

      Solution: talk to him about it. Lay it out and TALK. men can’t read minds. you expect him to know, maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he want to help and doesn’t know how to. Maybe he doesn’t want to help. Maybe he is stingy with his money. maybe he’s not. The sooner you have that conversation the better.
      Money/Finances is a BIG issue in relationships. And it doesn’t necessarily mean the lack of it.
      be wary of getting into a martial relationship with this unresolved. be very wary.

    • Kadara

      July 26, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      @Viv, that’s not love. Any man or woman that can sit back and refuse to step in and help when their partner is going through tough times (not from laziness or wastefulness) is someone you should be wary of

    • Fashionista

      July 27, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Viv, ask him directly for his help, stop waiting for him to ask you or offer you, he may not see it the way you do, he isn’t a mind reader. Explain the situation, be transparent and set out the repayment plan.
      Now, if he still doesn’t want to help despite you knowing fully well he can or he’s still playing dumb or he comes up with one obviously concocted story as to why he can’t, then you better rethink this your relationship.
      I know you’re not married yet but there’s nothing wrong with having been independent all this while, afterall he’s not your ATM machine. HOWEVER, if you’re heading towards the marriage route, you want to be sure you have someone that when the chips are down, they are very willing to assist you and you them.
      So please depending on how this scenario pans out, you best take the lesson from it.

  6. S

    July 26, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    Sorry, Another Off topic question : i can’t go more than one round of sex with my bf and I’m only 24, this is bothering me seriously unlike before when i used to go 3 straight rounds, Ha! Thank God he hasn’t complained but I’m bothered ,please what can I do? Someone help me.

    • Ima

      July 26, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      Try exercising it helps to increase your stamina, also try detoxifying, it helps rid your body of unnecessary toxins that cause fatigue. Take fruits like watermelon, pineapples and banana it helps increase libido. I’ve also heard of a coffee that detoxifies and increases libido. Lastly allow yourself flow in the mood, try initiating the sex, it can help too

    • Nene

      July 26, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Are u sore? Or u can’t get wet? Or are u tired? R u on the pill? What’s the exact problem? Cuz all three problem have different causes. 24 is young to experience what you’re going through.

    • tgirl

      July 26, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      nene, me i get too tired. I’m an ole, i get satisfied after first round. i kind of trained my self that way. I’m just not energetic. plus how do people have multiple orgasm again? hian i struggle with one

    • Tgirl

      July 26, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      3 rounds ke! I’m only 22, had 1 sexual partner! I can never go 2 rounds with anyone except my husband. Not that it makes a difference. I can’t let someone be using me anyhow.. Lol! But truth is yea. I don’t even enjoy sex after round 1 and I can’t have multiple orgasm?

    • Bodunade

      July 26, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      I get wet too,Twice a day.. When I shower. Did someone say 22 is ‘only’ . Well, only in lagos lol

    • Oma

      July 26, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      LMAO! @Bodunade!

    • kilipot

      July 26, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      3 straight rounds ke? You are a machine lol

  7. Big Tee

    July 26, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    I believe this issue comes down to the level of understanding between both parties, if my babe is hardworking and conscientious in her hustle and she runs into a rough patch because things just don’t go as we plan sometimes, nothing will stop me from helping out, I will use my resources to cover the gap… May we not be put to shame due to lack of money…..amen.

    • Nene

      July 26, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Anen

  8. Marlvina

    July 26, 2016 at 1:16 pm

    It is not a sinful or criminal act to give your man/husband/bae/boo/bobo/side dude/soft landing/sugar daddy sef (whatever they call dem these days) money if he is in need of it at a particular time. They are human and at some point may be in serious need of some cash; yes, as a “friend” or wifey you can aid him. However, it should not become a consistent act of always giving him money, cus as a smart lady, you should also know where to draw the line so one doesn’t take your kind gesture for granted. But the scenario of the husband, its a case of for better, for worse!! If your husband is jobless, and you happen to have a good job that can cater for the family needs, its okay to also share some money with him. After all, love covereth all things. But that should not stop the man from going out there to search for a job or start up a business to be able to take up the manly role in the family.

  9. Janet Frimpong

    July 26, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    I used to always shout at my friends for giving money to men.
    Me: “How can you lower yourself to give money to a man” “A man will never respect you if you give him money” “Do you think you are buying love” “you are dating a gigolo who will dump your sorry ass for another woman that he will treat like a queen”…Blablablabla…
    Then, my former asked if i could take a loan for him to further his studies. I told him straight that is something i would never do for any man, maybe unless he is related to me one way or another.

    After some times, he fell into serious financial challenges, but never told me about. One day, i surprised him with a visit and there was barely anything to eat in the kitchen. You could tell he had not eaten and his stomach was singing the song of hunger. I know the feeling of it, cos i had experienced it myself whenever life had given me a hard knock.
    Unbeknown to him, i went to the grocery store and bought everything i thought was needed for him to eat for approximatively a month. I also gave him the equivalent of £100 and told me that he would give me back when he would be settled. He seemed ashamed and not too happy, but somehow felt obliged to take it anyway.
    That was the first time since we were together that i had volunteer to give my own money to him as a good gesture.

    However,on different occasions, my boyfriend had asked me whether i could lend him money for rent arrears, to buy a car, for food items and to pay for his children school fees.
    At first i was not willing, but then i thought that it was a loan and since i would get my money back, why not help out a friend in need?
    In total i had lend him the equivalent of £6000, as it was done gradually.
    Whenever i satisfied a need, later on, another one will emerge and i will just give and give without making any use of my head. I was not thinking, hold on a min, this guy has not refunded the first loan. No, i was just being dumb as if i was his bank and the guy was enjoying it.

    It is only after i realised that i was actually financing this guy financial needs at my own expense that i decided to put a stop to it. Honestly, call me stupid. I really thought that i was helping him out and that he would return the money to me.

    Unfortunately for me, the guy was just ripping me off with no intention to reimburse. I am so ashamed to admit, i have been a fool.

    Whether the need is genuine or not, i can never give money to a man again, not even my husband. I will tell you that i have not and invite to use other mediums, such as banks.
    Some man can be very wicked, but an experience, bad or good, cannot be waste.

    Keep your money in your saving account!

    • Nene

      July 26, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      So sorry for ur experience. You shouldn’t lend money to anyone for their upkeep or that of their kids! that person had family and friends before you, so he/she can ask for that sort of help from them.You can only lend money if the person needs it for business, which u must have 100% input. If u choose to give money to a bf/gf randomly, that’s okay.

  10. run

    July 26, 2016 at 1:24 pm

    @Hot topic,

    It baffles me that all these feminist proponents and propagandist only choose what pleases them.

    In previous articles, You will see “Wife not cook”, “50-50”, “i cook you cook”, “i clean, you clean” bla bla bla but when it comes to money, fogerrit!

    Why should this be a topic in the first place not to talk about being a Hot Topic?

    But the truth of the matter is that i have seen ladies like this around. You intentionally ask them (not that you need it) but they tell you “I CAN NEVER GIVE A MAN MY MONEY” but they want you to buy the most ridiculous of things for them- including recharge card, shawarma, take me to the club, pay for my hair….what a shame!

    Many of them come for assistance and you know what? Since i am not your father, i cannot help you! I cannot hinder/tamper with what God is doing in your life. Enjoy the suffering and the phase! Poverty no dey kill person and if it kills you, you can still make heaven so its not a new thing

    One was crying cos her soap and cream has finished the other day- know the last time many men got a cream? Whatever you cannot give out to a man/woman, dont expect it back from any baga

    Men, i have few words for you

    Woe be unto that man that makes himself an ATM/Bank for any woman!

    A box of pizza cost 3500 while a bag of cement cost 1500. Cant you see these chics are eating your mansion?

    Never impress women by spending on them. Instead, invest big on your business and your success will impress them. Only silly men chase women. Chase your dream and vision. When you catch your dream, the woman of your dreams will chase you

    BN post my comment, i am entitled to my opinion

    • Nene

      July 26, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      Agreed! Same applies to women

  11. LOVETH

    July 26, 2016 at 1:24 pm

    Toolz did not allow the Gbemi make a point.

    • Mr. Egghead

      July 26, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      That is how she does in real life

    • May

      July 26, 2016 at 4:22 pm

      She didn’t let her finish before she cuts in. This just shows Gbemi is a good listener….. Toolz Please watch this video and try to change.

  12. LOVETH

    July 26, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    Toolz did not allow Gbemi make a point.

  13. Nene

    July 26, 2016 at 2:18 pm

    Personally I dont think there’s anything wrong in giving money to a man, just the same way men give money to women. However, do not let any man or woman take u for granted by turning you into an ATM machine or CBN. i agree with all toolz said. If a woman always dates men she caters for, she needs to check herself. Same thing applies to men: most men who use money to pursue women r yahoo boys and men who are not really looking for anything serious. For women giving out money each time, something might be missing in ur life to always want to be financially responsible for someone you’re not in a serious relationship with. And 3 months is too soon for that, heck even 1 year.

  14. Delex

    July 26, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Hmm..but what if the money is towards your wedding? And it’s even a loan. I don’t see a problem with that. It’s all for your future as well as his

    • Joor

      July 26, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      @Delex Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. Lemme just stop here.

    • Nahum

      July 26, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      @Delex, if a man or woman can not AFFORD to get married, then they should postpone the wedding. This is common sense, you should not even ask this question. When I got married, bit my husband and I could afford to get married and we married according to our budget with our parents chipping in. You are not adults and have both decided to build your lives together. You both should plan according to your pockets.

    • Adelex

      July 27, 2016 at 8:37 am

      There is a lot of factors involved in this. I am 100 percent sure of this guy. And no we aren’t going to postone any wedding. Thanks for ur opinion tho. Ps. It’s basically advice asking strangers for advise sef. I just learnt.lol

    • Adelex

      July 27, 2016 at 8:38 am

      *bad advice

    • Puzzles

      July 26, 2016 at 6:38 pm

      A family friend spent her money on financing the wedding, renting and furnishing the apartment only for the bro to cancel the wedding and move into the house with another woman.

      Imagine the heartbreak.

      She wanted to at least fight for the furnitures which she solely paid for but a friend advised her to leave things to God

      The story ends well because she later met and married a wonderful man.

      The fact is you can never know. Just pray to God and apply practical wisdom

  15. Anonymous

    July 26, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Yes there’s nothing wrong with helping your man put financially if he’s in need of it but there has to be a level of commitment before you do that? At least you’re sure to an extent where you stand in his life in the relationship? Because there a lot of men out there who are looking for helpers and willing to pretend for a short while till they get what they want from you and move on to another younger woman they’ll rather make their wife. This is coming from experience o and other women I know too. Shine your eyes wella before helping that your lover out

  16. Yinmu

    July 26, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    I will never give my money to any man except he is my husband or my son. Case closed

  17. alwayshappy

    July 26, 2016 at 9:44 pm

    All of una #goodsamaritans wey dey borrow money please remember this owe, ( proverb)
    Give a man a fish he eats for a day, teach a man how to fish and he eats for life. This is how i feel towards any manner of generosity ANYBODY dey expect, anticipate or ask of me. The reason there is often a bigger underlying #opportunity for your need of borrow borrow money. If that opportunity is not addressed maturely, it becomes abuse, aka mumu button things. which will leave all parties bitter , pissed and ready for a brawl.. Also personally if broda man you are stingy by nature no even try come ask for epp? i go open mouth ask you who you epp?

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