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Blessings: When Men Put the Responsibility on Women

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Worried Woman Close UpRecently, I have been seeing quite a few posts regarding women and their responsibilities. Apparently for a man to succeed he needs a wife that is hardworking, prayerful and can cook.

Now do not get me wrong, well aside for the fact that I can be controversial. I appreciate that it is fundamental for women to know how to cook, pray etc but it is not mandatory. Women for years have been groomed to deliver on the aforementioned attributes but we are now in 2016. There is more and should be more to women than a bunch of dictatorship that is placed on women, leaving room for more men to act like ‘douchbags’ excuse my French.
I do not dispute these are attributes that a women should embody but I also know too many women that prayed, cooked and become breadwinner and their ‘spouse’ still cheated, abandoned, abused etc their women. It does not end here.

What was shocking the most for me was a post that I saw on Facebook from a male championing this ideology and even went as far as insinuated the reason ‘women will remain single, is due to the aforementioned attributes’. Excuse me, that statement was not acceptable.

Let me start by saying, there is more, far more to us women than cooking, praying and working hard. We are exceptional at so many things. To subject and limit us to just cooking, praying and working hard is a massive shame. I also think ‘hard working or working hard’ has not been clarified? ‘I think what is meant by hard working in the statement are women that do everything and more for the household without requesting for help or simply told that it is your duty’.

Women have been doing these things and more for years but what is our recognition from men?
On the flip side, women that can cook, pray and work hard can also lack valuable traits such as respect, communication, consideration, empathy, initiative, prudence, confidence, leadership, mentorship, partnership, problem solving, integrity, generosity, creativity and so much more. So to limit a woman to just cooking, praying and hardworking, OH dear! Have you met women that pray, cook and are hardworking with no manners? That is story for the gods.

It is a massive shame that women are constantly subjected to conditional and unconditional advice. Men will now sit their behind down watching and looking at how a woman cooks, prays and works hard forgoing all other excellent attributes we posses and execute on daily basis. Wait, this will now reinforce their mini god attitude, implying that women are subject to the aforementioned. God forbid, the woman is sick, or has an accident and as a result is disabled….this may affect cooking, praying etc. What happens then? He marries a new wife that cooks, prays and cares for his demands? For Christians, the Bible encourages men to love their wives as Christ loves the church. I guess she must be a cook, knows how to pray etc before you love her, I must have missed that part. Oh I know, the book of proverbs 31. I guess we missed the part ‘when the man should praise her’ or better still be an outstanding character fighting for the unjust and less privileged’. In essence, men should lead by example. Which I must admit is rare!

A man that thinks the aforementioned attributes are the only factors ‘we’ women are capable of exhibiting has no vision, character or ethos (please read on Joseph and Abraham). You have forgotten to acknowledge the fact we are strong, courageous and in fact sacrificial on so many level. You deserve to be stagnant After all the Proverbs 25:24 ‘Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife’.

I am all for praying and desiring women that can a cook, pray and keep the home down but the need to subject women to centuries of dictatorship needs to STOP! Some men do not even listen or acknowledge their wives despite such attributes. They refuse to take on credible advice suggested to them. I think a man/woman that seeks for success will look for a partner that embodies like minded attributes. Trust me it is not limited to cooking etc, instead it is a bonus.

I believe the bashing should stop and more light should be shed on our communities, developing outstanding men and women to change our environment and destiny for good. Men should get rid off their myopic mindset and instead use their platform to encourage and uplift women and call out other men to STAND UP to their responsibilities. Both women and men have the responsibility to pray, cook and work hard amongst host of other key attributes. Let us be examples to the next generation. We all have a role to play on this planet and nobody is superior than the other.
It is funny how they say women should cook and pray. After all that is said and done, 90% of chefs are Men. 90% of pastors are men so can we stop putting pressure on women to be this and that.

Please share your views. No right or wrong answers; life is a learning process.

Photo Credit: Scott Griessel | Dreamstime.com

Blessings describes herself as a believer in the impossible, a thinker by day, daydreamer by night and a creative foodie. She enjoys earning, growing, developing and engaging herself. She can be found musing, talking, posing for the camera, telling herself off or working on a marketing project.

23 Comments

  1. Fisayo

    August 19, 2016 at 9:16 am

    First of all, this topic is so over-flogged, I’m starting to get dizzy.

    Secondly, sister girl please get someone to proof read your articles before hitting the send button.

    “than a bunch of dictatorship that is placed on women,” – bunch of dictatorship ke?
    ‘douchbags’ – you mean douche bags?
    “and even went as far as insinuated the reason ” – should have been “insinuating” – for tense consistency

    No I’m not being fussy. Yes I’m just trying to give constructive criticism.
    Jah bless!

    • Anon

      August 19, 2016 at 9:32 am

      Good morning Fisayo. I like pedants.

      ‘douchbags’ – you mean douche bags?

      It’s acceptable as one word.

    • Gosh

      August 20, 2016 at 12:06 am

      Anon, there’s no such thing as a “douchbag”, whether one word or two. It’s either douchebag or douche bag.

  2. Valentina

    August 19, 2016 at 9:31 am

    kiaaaaaaa enough jare. God punish marriage.

    • Joy Ojo

      August 19, 2016 at 9:38 am

      I’m laughing so hard here Valentina. Your message took me back to a cousin of mine that once said to me, Joy, e no go better for love. On her wedding day, she couldn’t hold herself, all she wanted to do was to see her husband. We begged her, for where. At last she ran behind our backs to go see him. After 3yrs or so, it all ended. That was when that comment was said.

    • nnenne

      August 19, 2016 at 10:54 am

      @ Valentina… African version you mean?
      CONFUSED ,people, marching traditional with contemporary. They want traditional women roles and ,contemporary women roles but the husband should abandon traditional roles and bring nothing to the table.
      How many of them even want to be sole breadwinners like our forefathers?
      If the woman has no job or education, how many of these selfish men will want her today ?

      They want all these but cry about bride price!

      So, I will have a daughter, raise her, through school and/ or a skill acquisition, then give her free of charge to you, to be a co- bread winner, if not sole breadwinner and at the same time serve and answer to your majesty?
      Look around the world at those who do not take bride price and see how they relate to their wives/ life partners! !!
      Next, please?

    • ElessarisElendil

      August 19, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      The majority of our forefathers weren’t sole bread-winners so your point is moot.

  3. Dammie

    August 19, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Your point is women and men, not just women, should cook, pray and be hard-working. Honestly, you could easily have made this point without the multitude of words and subtle insults. But yes you are right and I agree with you. Even if a woman can’t cook, she can make arrangements for food to be made available to her husband and children when needed. The husband can also assist the wife in this since they are partners in the marriage affair, especially if the wife is a working class woman. Though the key word there is assist. Even the proverbs 31 chapter used in the article, makes it clear that the woman is the caretaker of the family. She is responsible for providing food, taking care of the children etc. but the husband is always there to appreciate and assist her in everything.

    • Tosin

      August 19, 2016 at 11:38 pm

      lol @assist.
      Every other thing in this life they’ll say man is head, woman should manage deputy/assistant/vice. . . Come time to work, you now say you’ll assist…don’t go and look for food that you and your wife and children will eat o, be there forming assistant. loool. the hunger that will flog some men in this 21st century eh!

  4. Dee

    August 19, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Nice write-up Blessings! I also think there’s more to a woman than praying and cooking, the world would be a better place if men and even women can realise this … How did you get your article here, I’ll like to have one up too

  5. Lucinda

    August 19, 2016 at 9:34 am

    This issue has been over flogged #letitgo. Same with all those married vs single and feminist wannabe articles. You can still stay within these topics but please try to make it refreshing. We want new writing styles and new ideas.
    @writer you should go through the feed to be sure your topic has not been discussed already, before posting. Or just summarise and use the comment section like the rest of us. Your opinion can still be heard either way.

    • AceOfSpades

      August 19, 2016 at 10:47 am

      Any feminist talk is a hit back to back because it pitches women against men. It always does and no one should say go and read the true meaning of feminism. If they keep getting it wrong, it means women are doing something wrong with the meaning they are sending out!

      Write about other things abeg! If my wife decides to worship me, who are you to say she’s wrong and if I decide to worship my wife and wash her pant….what is anyone’s business???

  6. Obi

    August 19, 2016 at 10:51 am

    Wasted 2 precious minutes of my life on this trash.

  7. lucy

    August 19, 2016 at 11:18 am

    Love this article and pleeeease this topic can never be over flogged considering the fact that women have always been relegated to house chores even though they possess so many other skills. Both sides get to know their role and play it well while being appreciated for other qualities. Fisayo your grammar checks maybe be correct but it’s all about communication and did she do that oh! Yes so #no hating Top of the morning folks

  8. vladmir

    August 19, 2016 at 11:54 am

    This is simple, don’t come and be ranting here, it’s your life, if you don’t want to cook or be under a dictatorship or don’t like douche bags, awesome, do what makes you happy. No man is holding you back, you all feminist need to take a chill pill, there are guys out der that won’t want you to cook or pray or even have values, find such a guy and marry. You can’t come here and be trying to force people to change which is clearly based on your myopic experience of most likely meeting a guy you fancy but doesn’t have the same values as you, you then come online n rant about men having traditional values and are obstinate, which is not in any way your business, everyone is entitled to his or believes, you have no right to force yours on someone else. Sister, there men out there that like women like you find them, marry and Shut up.

    • Tosin

      August 19, 2016 at 11:41 pm

      She wrote a great article, she’s working hard to reconcile norms that don’t make sense and communicating with others (multitudes) who may be going through the same thing. Why are you pained? When was the last time you wrote a full-length essay articulating your own vision of how the world should be? Instead of you to clap for Blessings. :-/

  9. DLP

    August 19, 2016 at 12:05 pm

    The article was on point for me because it is becoming unbecoming in this part of the country, everything about a woman must boil down to marriage issue. It is just to tiring and annoying

  10. Idomagirl

    August 19, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    Bruh…this whole topic has been so overflogged…
    Make una marry the one wey una fit live with make we rest abeg.

  11. NUR

    August 19, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    Unfortunately, in the culture we come from marriage is the end all and be all for loads of people so I can understand why it all boils down to this. I agree to some extent with the author considering Pastor Adeboye’s recent teaching on marriage has received mixed reviews, Tbh, I stopped listening after a particular comment was made as I did not agree with it, I choose to tune off and do what suits me.
    Whatever the case may be I agree with some comments towards to the author that if this piece was borne out of personal woes on the guys she has been seeing trust me there are plenty out there that could not care less and if this article is based on just a general need to write about personal opinion on the marriage matter then I have to agree again with some comments that simply concludes to the fact of ‘different strokes for different folks’. Let everyone do what they want, it is their personal business…..***my two pence***

  12. Ro

    August 19, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    People puhleeze, leave this subject. I wish I could just ignore and wakapass but I can’t.
    It was never said that all a woman needs to do is cook and pray, there was no place that said she can not have dreams and actualize hem, heck there are female pastors in RCCG, if they were about

    • Ro

      August 19, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Sorry sent by mistake,
      lemme just end there jare, not in the mood to rant today.

  13. St

    August 19, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    It is funny that I havent read the article that addresses the part of where u dont marry a man that is jobless…isn’t hypocritical

  14. ada ego

    August 20, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    i do not understand o! one day, you people will come here and say the issue of Nigeria and bad economy has been overflogged. What is it sef, a person writes a post, BN is kind enough to put a heading to it, u can jump and pass. dont come and be saying rubbish here. Abeg all man to im own shaki o!

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