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Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo: My Children are My World

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Akudo Abengowe-AdebayoI was chatting with my long-time girlfriend Juliet who lives in Ghana, and she said something that quite struck me.
“Who would have believed that you would turn out to be a good mother Akudo? You never did look the part” she concluded. I must confess, I had to pause in my response and think back.

You see, Juliet is one of the very few people who have known me in Lagos for close to a decade. She was among the few friends I made immediately I arrived Lagos, bag in hand and with a strong desire to make a name for myself. She took an instant liking to me and we have been friends since then, so I can safely say she knows ME.

“Oh yes”, I replied, “It’s amazing that we never stop surprising ourselves” I typed back at her as I cast my mind to who I was back then.

I am very innovative, and once an idea pops in my head I want to follow it up regardless of the discouraging situation in Nigeria. You must agree with me that our beloved country pays little attention and never really supports start-ups. So imagine me, a simple girl with no strong family name, and also not a part of the usual Lagos clique. I was just a simple girl with ideas popping in her head. I knew very well the challenges facing me,  so I was pretty determined to fulfil my dreams of being a renowned media personality in my time.

Of course I had no time for family or children. The idea hardly cropped up in my head and when it did, I quickly brushed it off. I, however, didn’t know that I cut the same picture of self-contented working class lady, who had no interest in children or marriage to other people. Maybe that’s why it took me forever to get married.

I remember one day, my older sister was telling me about her kids and their wahala on phone and I jokingly told her that I am sure I would run mad if I’m left to cater for children.

“How about when you have kids, how would you cope?” she asked me.
“Ah, ah, why do I have you now?” I replied, “I will send the kids to come and live with you. You will help me train them while I work, but don’t worry, I’ll visit them occasionally” I said confidently. She laughed loudly for a few minutes and said
“When that time comes Akudo, I’ll remind you of this conversation”. Now when I look at my kids, I wonder how I could have thought of giving them out to someone else to train for me. I must have been bananas then.

Recently, during the summer holidays, my sister asked me to send the kids to her in Enugu, so they could spend time with her kids, (last summer, she and her kids had spent the holidays in Lagos and she wanted the same experience on the reverse side). I consented and told her I would discuss with their dad.

My husband agreed; on the condition that I’d take them there and go back to bring them back in two weeks. I agreed, but then was reluctant to make the final traveling plans. ‘What if they get so used to Enugu and refuse to return with me?’, ‘What if my children replace me with my sister and develop more love for her than me?’, ‘What if my son who was learning to talk starts calling her mummy?’, ‘What if they refuse to return home with me and insist I keep them permanently in Enugu?’, ‘How would I cope without their usual cries and bubbly laughter’s?’, ‘How would I endure their absence?’

These questions troubled me for days and I had to call my sister and tell her I think the kids were too young to go on holidays.

“You see now Akudo, I just tested you. I knew there was no way you could endure to let the children out of your house for days, except if you don’t love them enough” she laughed and hung up. I smiled as I remembered that conversation years ago, I must have been mad, yes I must have been mad.

“I love my kids so much Juliet, they are MY WORLD” I told her in the chat and with a sheepish smile on my face.

Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo is a multiple award winner, with over 8 years in the media industry. She also hosts (Love Moments With Akudo) and is CEO of SATT Media, a content and media marketing company. She blogs at Akudosworld. She is married with two adorable kids and loves Jesus with all her being. She is a TV addict, loves dancing and traveling, and a lil gossip now and then. Follow her on [email protected] or [email protected] http://akudosworld.blogspot.com.ng/

21 Comments

  1. Wale

    September 22, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    I totally agreed with this article. Some times, it could be frustrating and most times, the joy of having them is bigger than million bucks! I pray that God will bless everyone that are believing Him for this good news, you guys are next to celebrate……Halleluiah!

  2. Caramel Chic

    September 22, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    ThIs was a sweet write up. That has also got me thinking about the statement “my children are my world” it is one that is synonymous with the Nigerian culture from the mothers point of view that is. I also think it is one that has ensured the African women does not reach her potential whether personally/emotionally or physically. Ensuring we provide and raise our children with love is extremely important but to the degree where we say and live out the statement that “they are my world” to the point where mothers have become controlling contoured beasts besotted with carving out the lives of their cHildren to the every T! as it is often the case. Where our mothersite have created unhealthy emotional attached relationships with their sons as they live in loveless marriages as the resultimate of “my chold rent are my world” I would love to hear the opinion of others on this tooic ?? How do we help our mothers find their identity in the midst of motherhood? To understand though it is a worthy title, it shouldn’t define them.There mare existence as women should. Let’s talk guys . .

    • tunmi

      September 22, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      I cringe when I see this displayed on korean dramas.

    • Bodunade

      September 22, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      “my children are my world” is an expression of motherly love, it doesn’t suggest she’s trying to control every aspect of their lives forever or damage them for their future spouse or whatever.

      When people say my Wife is my world and stuff, I’m pretty sure you don’t raise questions or think too much about it.

      On the issue of identity, from the OPs bio/story she’s doing what she always wanted, runs multiple businesses and all that stuff so the question of being lost as a result of being a mommy doesn’t arise, Abi?

      What does identity mean, I should ask Google.

    • Tosin

      September 23, 2016 at 5:59 am

      my wife is my world – that’s a disgusting lie. just saying, it works in poetry and song and all, but it’s gross in reality. some situations in which it might make sense: i dunno, dude is severely paralyzed and i’m his wife and his doctor and his translator and his cook and nobody else is allowed to see him and so in a way i’m his world? or you know, we just had the shag of life and he can’t think straight and he’s like you’re my world but that’s just for a sec unless he’s daft.
      just saying, tell me i’m lovely. i’m not your world biko. though i can see how kids can give that rapturous level of feeling and excitement. i get that even for other people’s kids. but not when they’re poopooing all day – that part is someone else’s business.

  3. Niola

    September 22, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    ‘Where our mothersite have created unhealthy emotional attached relationships with their sons as they live in loveless marriages’..

    When this topic is flagged off, it is always the ‘son tied to the mother’s apron, what about the mother who invades her daughter’s marriage space or the father who determines who his daughter will marry? It is always a mother and son debate. I believe it is not mother or wife, it is mother and wife, they can co-exist peacefully. Anyway that is another debate for another day. Nevertheless my children are my world statement in no way limits my potential, I know I have been charged with the responsibility of bringing up godly children who will not be a nuisance to the society and whilst they are young, cause that is the time they really need us, I will be devoted to doing that, After a certain age we must let go albeit not completely, just a different type of relationship brews, i.e a shift from sole provider/custodian to guidance counsellor.
    I will also ensure that my career or business does not suffer nor will my relationship e.g with my partner, family and friends because for me my world is encompassing of all of this, God being the foremost. Understanding all of this creates a great balance, no unnecessary attachments, no regrets too.

  4. Caramel Chic

    September 22, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    @bodunade by the way my comment wasn’t in reply to the article. 🙂 I was asking a separate question.

    But yes you are right that sentence can be used as a loving a term. But I’m referring to those who choose to live their life incompassed by the term. It’s more on a am honest discussion for us to have as mothers and children of mothers. How muvhhave of this term “my children are my world* is doing damage to us as women.

    • Bodunade

      September 22, 2016 at 4:08 pm

      ‘I need to provide for my family’ is a term that has hurt men from time immemorial and has made them lose their purpose / Identity. We need to discuss because being a deadbeat might be more beneficial to the man’s mental health.

      Okay, I’m trolling, before some pepperbody screams battle of the sexes.

      I get your point.

      Serious discuss.

    • Tell me

      September 22, 2016 at 4:26 pm

      Bodunade are you the new Bonario? I miss him!

    • John

      September 22, 2016 at 6:57 pm

      Perfect analogy and no need to apologize, bcos I know women and logic no dey go together , it is always about thier entitlements and me me me selfish attitude..anybody who doesnt like your comment can go and hug a transformer

    • Amanda

      September 23, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      @John – I guess that includes your mother, grandmother, sisters, and every female in your family.

  5. Idomagirl

    September 22, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    Heartwarming. Made me smile ?

  6. Hi

    September 22, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    BellaNaija abeg abeg abeg remove this advert pop up on the screen. Look for somewhere else to put it. Pleaseeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. chekwube

    September 22, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    I jBN with the irritating pop advert obstructing the comment box I’m not surprised that the comment section is so scanty..

  8. Tosin

    September 23, 2016 at 5:52 am

    1. I love her storytelling, she’s such a writer
    2. I hope she’ll be conscious of the danger of reinforcing the whole superwoman culture. Any woman break her back over-carrying mommy load, the most I’ll do is say sorry. Please feel free to share the load. That’s all.

  9. Mo

    September 23, 2016 at 6:24 am

    This is beautiful.

  10. Moyo

    September 23, 2016 at 8:53 am

    Interesting article, when I was younger, I couldn’t tolerate children, didn’t understand why they couldn’t keep quiet, I never use to carry newborns. But when I grew older I just had a fascination with children, their innocence and being inquisitive. To me children are gifts that keep on giving. But as much as I love my children I know where to draw the line, because once they find out you will do anything for them, they also take advantage and say don’t worry Mummy will do it, when she gets back. Show them love but do not spare the rod. I think its called tough love. Besides, separation sometimes makes them appreciate what they have.

  11. good girl

    September 23, 2016 at 10:18 am

    i aslo wold like to see us talk about what @caramel chic commented on…i have heard a particular statement being made all my life…and it goes thus “face your kids and forget about this man”..anytime you have a marital issue..so many women have taken that advise literally …

  12. miini

    September 23, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    I think this John dude has issues. You are so full of ……fill in the gap. …… and just utterly disrespectful. Men like you give men a bad name. Sometimes i wonder which women sit down or even stand to interact with u since in your mind they are all silly and illogical. I read some of your comments on the aunty bella post and i was just weak. Pple like you are the reason why we must rise up to raising the next generation of men right. Mba..still can’t get over how full of. …..fill in the gap…….you are, hian.

  13. miini

    September 23, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    By the way i think what caramel chick talked about is totally valid but people will misconstrue and turn it to an opportunity for feminists bashing instead of just seeing it as an avenue to engage in intelligent discuss. Yoruba pple always say something I find really funny…”tori omo no no we nsise” which ofcourse makes them hopeful that they will “jeun omo”. I think as innocent as these things sound, if we probe deeply we might discover wrong motives and priorities.

    Children are a beautiful gift. The other day one was all over me and eating my mouth up. It was one beautiful moment of pleasure.

  14. miini

    September 23, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    Chic* thank goodness it wasn’t chicken?

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