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Aunty Bella: Miss. The Bleeding Is Affecting My Sex Life

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

A BellaNaijarian left this story on the most recent edition of The Fertile Chick.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

***

BellaNaijarians, I need your help.

In March, I had bleeding due to pills and had to see a gynecologist and take drugs to stop it. My boyfriend and I take regular tests since I don’t like condoms and we’re clean.

He lives in a different state and I have a busy schedule so we don’t see that often. I visited him in August but we didn’t have sex because he was ill that week.

He visited for my birthday and we went shopping, had a dinner, the works and then we made love. This was 1 week after my period. A week after, my period started again and I was afraid that the bleeding had returned but it stopped after four days. I heaved a sigh of relief as I won’t see my boyfriend till December but now he wants to come to Lagos this month and I’ve been stylishly refusing. In fact, after the incidence in March, I’ve been avoiding him. I just had to travel in August because he insisted. If I refuse too much, he will start suspecting foul play. He keeps saying, I don’t love and miss him as much as he does. He has been bringing up marriage, I have been pushing it.. I want to get to a level in my career first. I’m due for mid-management next year but I’m taking two online courses in foreign business schools this year and will get both certificates by February and even if the promotion doesn’t come, I will use those certificates and work experience to get another job at that level or a level above.

I can’t tell him about the bleeding ( can’t have him blaming any infertility on me later. Besides he doesn’t know I take pills. A part of him wants me to get pregnant so we can get married. He knows the reason I’m putting of marriage is my career and he paid for the 1st course and promised to refund me for the 2nd. He just wants me to get to mid-management fast so we can get married. Although he teases my salary sha as he spends that amount on me in a day but then).

I am 27 and have been sexually active for 10 years.

I need advice on alternative birth control methods or what to do to prevent a re-occurrence of the bleeding. I can tell my boyfriend that I want to stay without sex for a while but I love sex a lot and more importantly, if I do, I may be confirming his fears that I am leaving him.

Photo Credit: Scott Griessel | Dreamstime.com

61 Comments

  1. Billionaire in grace

    October 6, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    thats simple stop the pills for now and see

    1
  2. Mr. Egghead

    October 6, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    First, you need to be sure there nothing pathologic causing the bleeding.
    Or else, just get Implanon. It’ll set you back a few naira but it’s really effective. There’s also Copper T.
    You need to see a doc to know what’s best for you

    You can thank me later
    ( I accept Amazon gift cards)

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 3:12 pm

      Lmao!!! U always crack me UP 🙂 only Amazon gift gift cards???? Well I guess U are a prime member too?? @ Writer these pills has a lot of side effects but like Mr. Egghead said, be sure there’s no more to it than the pill u’re taking right now. As for implanon hmmm I mean is it worth it?? I’m just saying Ok ATL’s finest cut it out. I think U need to discuss with your man girl. I mean even U been on pills behind his back is a NO-NO. That’s sth y’both would ve agreed on. He’s playing the No condom card with U after all. I’m not judging I don’t care how much u trust/love someone U shouldn’t try that esp when he’s not your hubby ( although married men still cheat ) I get it. .

  3. Ada

    October 6, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    I read “I don’t like condoms and I was like GINI???????? and then I read your bf was ill and I thought ehhhh o burugo….if you think he would blame you for infertility in the future….why are you with him??????ohhhhh Nwaazi kita…10yrs sexually active..☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️??…I am done…bye..

    • Le coco

      October 6, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      AdA…. u have a point.. not uing condoms.. nd claiming u r both clean is not sport. regardless of how often he couple get tested… plus for her to suggest that he will blame her for infertility is a bit off.. but for me the biggest issue is that u r more concerned about pleasing ur boyfriend than u r about ur health.. its a lil disturbing

    • Sauli

      October 7, 2016 at 8:46 am

      She is not entire doing this to please her boyfriend, that might be a justification for her, She said she “loves sex a lot”.

      First of all, i will advise you do a proper check up to find out what the cause of the bleeding is and possible solution, now to your sex life, you are free to make decisions however you also live with the consequences of your action, You already seem scared of future complications with getting pregnant by reason of taking the pill, by reason of having sex right now. The main issue here is the sex right now, Why not wait till when you are ready to have sex, without the fear of the results of having sex. That way you can stop the pill, stop the fear and probably stop the bleeding.

      I am not a medical professional and I don’t know if there is a correlation between the pill and bleeding. I advise you stay away from the sex and pill for now until you are ready. Better yet(pray) ask Jesus what you need to do and follow his leading.

      May God bless you.

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Lol U sound my like. First the age of been sexually active hmmm 2nd, NO CONDOMS???? Girl what are u smoking off from?? 3rd, y’all live in two different States??? C’mon writer life is too precious & it ain’t worth loosing it over a 5mins pleasure. From a medical view, sweetie there’s a lot of S****out there other than AIDs that are not curable. A lot of STDs, HPV the list goes on. E.g. Genital Warts not a lot of people know or have heard about of either so girl quit playing that rough play One love.

  4. thankful

    October 6, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    You should definitely have a pap smear to ensure all is clear there. Also have a transvaginal ultrasound and I know you mentioned completing STD tests but make sure you test for Chlamydia (most clinics in Nigeria do not add this to their standard array of tests)
    Pele.

  5. Nuna

    October 6, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Try the IUD. The problem is, it may make your periods heavier but at least the copper T is not a hormone based contraceptive

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      IUD?? They r not married yet, why will anyone wanna go thru that mess just for dating??? That isn’t sth your insert & expect it to come out in the next 6months or 1yr.. For a young lady at 27yrs without a baby yet, for me that’s absolutely NO WAY. But @ Nuna we r both entitled to our options☺. I’m not attacking your choice but I just don’t see myself doing certains things just bcuz of what again??

  6. eesha

    October 6, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    You need to check to make sure there is no underlying cause for the bleeding. Primolut N helps get rid of unwanted bleeding although you”ll get withdrawal bleeding some days after you complete the dose, it works just fine. Later, you can review alternative method of birth control with your ob/gyn.

  7. vora

    October 6, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    U just have to explain all ur fears to ur boyfriend.i feel that prolonged use of pills has its own disadvantages…but i hope u know its fornication u are talking about boldly..

  8. Sisi

    October 6, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    I love your ambition girl, we know we can’t have it ‘all’ but must manage our lifestyles around our goals and plans. At the end of the day God knows best. Please first do go and see a gyno to confirm it was the pill that caused the bleeding till date and they should be able to prescribe alternatives. All the best luv xx

  9. Ijerinma

    October 6, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Just stop already,

  10. Fille

    October 6, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    You should probably stay off the pill and if your period is regular, you could use the safe-period method but you MUST be VERY careful in calculating but in the worst case, if there’s a slip you can use emergency contraceptive (Postinor 2). Goodluck !

    • Sharon

      February 10, 2019 at 5:33 pm

      yes ooo…. P safe period is the best for me ooo. Even, am married I never use any contraceptive. I can not come and damage my body for any man.

  11. Irene B's Blog

    October 6, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    From all indications,that pill is not good for you. Stop it already. Highest na belle. You born am na.
    You dont like condoms? Girlfriend,most ladies dont. Who loves eating chocolates with the wrapper?. Not me.

  12. Irene B's Blog

    October 6, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Stop gini?

  13. heyl

    October 6, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    been fuckin anyhow since ten years without condom…are u sure ur b.f is not seeing another woman. AID is real.

  14. californiabawlar

    October 6, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Plead the blood of Jesus.

    • Tomi

      October 6, 2016 at 5:00 pm

      While fornicating?

    • californiabawlar

      October 6, 2016 at 6:07 pm

      Well, there’s so much blood in the email that it was kinda hard not to think of the only blood that can epp. Especially Jesus kinda help that woman with her bleeding and whatnot. Plus I never guaranteed that it will werk…howeves don’t knock it till you try it.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      October 7, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      Callibaaaybbbbyy. You dis girl! Men I love your mind. It us paved with different shades of Cray Cray I would love to walk through.

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      ???????Blood of Jesus ke? I’m done with U CA bawlar

  15. Cindy

    October 6, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    You don’t like condoms ke? You never jam.

  16. Bee

    October 6, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    This happened to me a few months back. My advice would be to get OFF THAT PILL NOW. Allow your body to be pill free for a month then get on a different brand of pill with less oestrogen or just go for progestrogen only pills. The more the oestrogen content, the increased likelihood of bleeding. I stepped down from 35mcg to 30mcg, I think the lowest you can go is 21mcg (not completely sure). Also, get a doctor to prescribe transexamic acid tablets for you ASAP. That should stop the bleeding.

  17. Mrs chidukane

    October 6, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    Birth control pills are a leading cause of cancer in women and as such is best avoided.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      October 7, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Hello lady! Where you been? Been strolling the streets of BN looking for you. Hope you are holding up good? You are constantly in my thoughts. Take care…

  18. Great Lady

    October 6, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    This is why God said no sex before marriage. It’s funny how we always want to eat our cake and have it. You want to have sex but you’re not ready for its consequences.
    I would also put a question mark on your relationship, how can you be dating someone you cannot freely talk to? If at this stage, you’re hiding sensitive information like this from your fiance, only heaven knows what you will hide later in marriage.
    When you truly love someone, you won’t keep away from the person information that would be useful in helping them make up their minds about the relationship.

    • trudy

      October 14, 2016 at 1:14 pm

      dont mind them o. I follow the Bible’s principles not because I am a ‘proper’ christian, but because it makes life easy.. there is so much headache in this world , i cant come and add the side effects of contraceptives to it

  19. lauren

    October 6, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    dear its demoid cyst n trust me my experience was similar 2urs n I did operation 2 remove mine.

  20. californiabawlar

    October 6, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    Na wah o…shey married women don’t use birth control again ni?

    • Lala

      October 6, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      No I don’t and I am married. Someone died here in London despite her pills being properly prescribed and managed by doc from NHS.
      Use a good quality ribbed condom. Quite expensive but you don’t have to risk your life.
      I was at a large church event one day when the pastor called out people with cancer who required prayers. If you saw the crow that was trooping out, I was shocked.

      I had issues with my breast, so much pain, etc and was revered to the breast clinic under the Royal free NHS Trust here in London. The first question the specialist doctor asked me was if I used pills. If there was no connection between pills and cancer, she would not ask.

      I went for my cervical smear (to prevent over Ian cancer) two years ago and the first thing the nurse asked me was if I took pills?

      Ladies please check your health. The way some of you are popping pills, when you 45, you might be high risk for cancers.

    • Nuna

      October 7, 2016 at 9:20 am

      Contraceptive pills are not the only form of birth control. I hope u know that

  21. Passingby

    October 6, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    Just go to a sexual health and contraceptive clinic for expert advice. What is wrong with you. How in the hell do you think you can get expert advise from a blog site. Na you sabi.

  22. Amara

    October 6, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    Firstly,your boyfriend needs to learn how to pull out.He prolly needs to take lessons from my boyfriend lol.Pills ain’t good for you especially in the long run.Most men have short memories and will decide to forget that their constant release of spermatozoa inside of you made you take pills and it resulted to infertility of any other problem but if I am being honest,you don’t have to subject yourself to taking pills if you don’t want to and that will be because you will insist on using protection but in your case,you obviously don’t like condom.Someone said you should try primolut.I know it serves many purposes and maybe it helped the person but the side effects are too grave.I used it at some point to prevent my period from coming out at the supposed time but the effect was spotting and it was not a good feeling at all.I visited a gynecologist and I am still undertaking treatment.You have four options:Use a condom,tell your boyfriend to learn how to pull out,keep having sex without protection,increase your chances of having God knows what in future.✌️?

  23. Angiee

    October 6, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Visit a gynaecologist and put a stop to the sex already. Discuss with your guy and see how you guys can stay without till when it’s the proper time to do it (that’s after your wedding). Cause what you are doing is called fornication.

  24. ?

    October 6, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    Just out of interest are there no family planning clinics in Nigeria. I wouldn’t trust the advise you get from here. From the looks of it you are being judged for having premarital sex, advised to stop the pill and risk unwanted pregnancy. I personally have a sexual health check up every 6 months and I drag my boyfriend along. Go and get a thorough check first. Break through bleeding could be indicative of a lot of things . Also it is commendable that you are on the pill. There are many many different methods a good clinic will take a full health history from you before recommending any pill, injectables, patch, indwelling device. And please don’t let anyone put you off protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancies. Do not bring a child into this world that you have no intention of loving or putting their needs first. Also Latex condoms, used consistently and correctly, are 98-99% effective in preventing HIV transmission. There are different types these days ribbed, flavoured, ringed etc. You are young and in your prime enjoy this peak in your sexuality responsibly so you have no regrets in future I.e STDS, hurry into marriage just to get permission to have sex then feeling trapped later on. And let me tell you by the time you hit 40 something ish menopause begins oh your stuff dries up o libido begins to descend along with the gravity of your breast that is the natural MEN ON PAUSE. You become like one of those bitter aunties preaching no sex before marriage Looool. SO FOR NOW ENJOY RESPONSIBILITY ?

    • tunmi

      October 6, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      Yeah I’m with her. Talk to your gynecologist and BE HONEST!! You need a diagnosis as to what is causing this bleeding. Also, get checked and have your boyfriend get checked periodically. Hiding this from him isn’t healthy for the both of you, you know that right?

    • Zoe

      October 6, 2016 at 9:25 pm

      Preach! October

    • Zoe

      October 6, 2016 at 9:31 pm

      And girl take your self off to a clinic and get a good check up. Some of you Nigerian women like to live in denial. Lying about your sexual health, playing hid and seek game will just pafuka you quick quick. Clinics are plentiful in Nigeria. They are even begging for customers. Please go and check yourself stop deceiving yourself. And that goes to all y’all pretenders. Knowledge is power, ignorance is a slow painful death sentence.

    • Naijatalk

      October 7, 2016 at 12:28 am

      ” It is estimated that latex condom use reduces the risk of HIV transmission by approximately 70% to 80%. Although abstinence from sexual contact is the sole way to absolutely prevent transmission, sexual activity in a mutually monogamous relationship in which neither partner is HIV-infected and no other risk factors are present is considered safe.”
      From a course I recently took on HIV given by two medical experts in the the field.
      My humble opinion is prevention is always best. I am married (5years now) but have never been on any pill. It’s doable. Also my professional background helped my decision to never go on a pill/Chemical form of contraceptive. Not everyone can make that decision but I would advise the poster to seek professional help, study all you can about contraception (including abstinence) and make an informed decision for your long term health.

  25. Anonymous

    October 6, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    I had the same problem which persisted for a year then my fiance ( a doctor) referred me to Marie Stopes(im in Ghana). They gave me pills which stopped the bleeding in two days but I took the drugs for 7 days continuously . If you have any of their facilities in Nigeria, please visit them. Mine was due to contraception too. I have been off them now.

  26. Anon

    October 7, 2016 at 12:12 am

    Please girl u need to stop any contraception that’s make you plead non-stop. Trust me am a bio Med student and talking not from uni but also from personal exp. I am now anemic bacause of the arm implant. Bear in mind I ‘ve had 2x 3yrs before. So I had the 3rd one inserted in Jan and been bleeding since then . I had it taken out 2 week and now on Med and under the care of my gp thank God for the NHS. Ur health and fertility is more important than sex life. Ur brain will leave and blame you if you end up having issues with your fertility . Plus he’s not your husband so wtf. I do t like cd but I’ve learned to like them and it ll take time .

  27. The real D

    October 7, 2016 at 1:17 am

    I am no expert but I just had to do a research on vulvar vestibulitis, which is a disorder in women of unknown causes in women and i guess my question would be : do you experience pain as well during intercourse? if yes, it may be some kind of vulvodynia, unfortunately there is no cure for this as the cause is not known but it can be managed. Either way you will need medical intervention to know what is going on, so try to see an OBGYN. Wishing you the very best

  28. Doctor

    October 7, 2016 at 1:35 am

    Go and see a gynaecologist biko.
    Na for Bella Naija you wan collect diagnosis and treatment?
    I don’t know why people go online with their medical problems instead of going to a doctor.

    • john

      October 7, 2016 at 7:02 am

      stop,saying nonsense, she did good by asking for advice here before going to the doctor..last I check, this blog is mostly filled with women,who may have experience on this sort of things. and reading some comments here ,the comments and advice are top notch barring some few ones.. atleast it is better than always bashing the men folks all the time,atleast for once,they are using this site for a good cause to actually help a fellow woman

  29. Ankara

    October 7, 2016 at 6:35 am

    IUD is the best if you want to take pills. It may make your period for the first 2 months heavier but you gonna be ok with it. Im married with 2 kids and im on IUD for 3 years now. Times are hard dont need need a baby now. It can last 6 to 10 yrs in u. However, you re free to take it out when ever u wish to start having babies. You can make love anytime without fear. Just an advice for anyone who is sexually active and wants to prevent pregnancy.

  30. Tilda

    October 7, 2016 at 7:48 am

    Personally I go to a sexual health and contraceptive clinic for my check up. I wouldn’t share the advice they gave me with you because to be frank the advice given was tailor made for me based on a thorough health assessment undertaken and may therefore not be applicable to you. My only advice to you is to talk to your doctor about all of your options. There are many factors to consider. Cancer risk is only one of them. Birth control can have many health effects; some may be bad while others may be good – like more regular menstrual cycles. Know that oral contraceptives play an important role not only in family planning but also managing other health problems like endometriosis,It’s also important for you to consider your own family history and spectrum of cancers in her family. Further more if you go to a clinic and they do not go through baseline observations, take a thorough family history from you but hand out medication then please run.

  31. ghen

    October 7, 2016 at 10:05 am

    I am currently experiencing what you are going through, after talks with 4 doctors, 3 out of 4 said it was completely normal and it was as a result of taking the birth control pill continuosly without a break. I was prescribed primolut-n to help my body reset. If that is your case and you aren’t new to the pill, in which case it is just your body adjusting it is nothing for you to worry about. Whenever you have such bleeds, just take like 3 or 4 BCP at once and the bleeding will stop asap.

    • Koffie

      October 7, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      Stopping the bleeding is treating the symptom without knowing the root cause. It’ll help temporarily but she needs a thorough medical examination to know what’s going on with her body. I’d advice she actually sees an OBGYN like others have said.
      If you have to take a short break off sex to take care of yourself, your body will be grateful in the long run. And you should tell your partner, give him some credit. Knowing now will probably make him more supportive in the event that anything happens.
      All these stories sef scare me. Don’t take pills, it causes cancer; don’t do pullout, it sounds stupid; don’t take IUD, it does blah blah; don’t rely on condoms, it’s breakable and takes away the fun.

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      @ Koffie just abstain ?????BEST ever 100%%% & before U ask me that question, think twice 🙂

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      @ Ghen spotting & bleeding are kinda completely different. Depend how heavy it is tho.. If its spotting, and d test comes back as someone having “Hormonal imbalance”, that’s nothing to worry about cuz pills can fix it. At most 1 tab a day for 1week U are fine. But when its constant, then U ve got to know the root.

  32. Anita

    October 7, 2016 at 10:44 am

    Girl u need to start using condom as that is the safest birth control method and protection against stds. I feel soo sorry for u because there are so many stds asides AIDS with no cure e.g hpv, hsv,.PS even without condom you can contact hsv (herpes both genital and mouth). Pls always use condoms and go for test every 3months

  33. poster

    October 7, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    Wow, so bella put up my story.

    I saw a gynecologist, had all the tests including HIV oh. Had a womb scan sef and it was confirmed that it was bleeding due to Pills.

    I’m not afraid of telling my boyfriend anything cos he loves me.
    My only fear is he will see this as a reason for us to get married ( babes, how can you be punishing yourself like this, you’ve had one abortion, now you want to keep taking pills. Let’s get married, I know you’re ambitious, I will not stop you, I will support your dreams.)

    My real fear is me, once I get married I know I will just face raising kids and won’t stress myself, that’s why I’m pushing for mid-management so that I’m on the fast track already. Then if I get an MBA admission, I can get married cos I trust bobo will push me to finish (so that I don’t resent him later). Once I start giving birth, I want to face my home but I want to be at a level where I won’t have regrets.

    As per, bobo blaming me for infertility later on. When people are hurt, they can say things they don’t mean.

    I guess I will have to tell him and abstain from sex. I see myself getting married early next year sha, if not, he will think this story is a stunt to leave him (bobo lives in PH and sees a lot of things girls do) then if we get married, I will go back to pills oh, to put off children for a while. Then I’ll have my mother to deal with ( imagine monthly calls of ‘nne is there any problem, should we start praying, what!! you’re putting off child bearing, Kedi odu nonsense bu nkea, I want to carry my grandchildren while I can still wear heels oh).

    It’s one scary circle and I’m the one who loves ex sef. I guess condoms are another alternative

    • "changing moniker"

      October 8, 2016 at 10:18 am

      Nawa…you don’t have any real problems, just fictitious ones.
      And people spent data and time trying to help you.

    • ATL's finest

      October 8, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      ??????lol wicked much

    • D.K

      October 8, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      ??? I love you for this comment @ changing moniker

    • Ellena

      October 9, 2016 at 6:21 am

      My friend, go use a condom and quit giving excuses for your carelessness. Mtchewwww!
      How do you put your health on the line, just to make a man happy? A man who isn’t even married to you… so much for an educated 27yr old. Smh

  34. Deedee

    October 8, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    See an obgyn fast

  35. Jane

    October 9, 2016 at 4:18 am

    @Poster, I always advice unmarried couples to be careful the kinda measures they take to avoid getting pregnant. Coz u dont want to start looking for children when u get married. Please reconsider this contraceptive thingy. I know ppl that it has affected their child bearing, think of a better and safer method. Plus sex is a thing of the mind..trust me, u can abstain if u want (that’s until u get married). So u can treat urself and stay off the drugs for a while.
    Secondly, I understand u when u say u don’t want to tell ur bf about it.. cld cause a lot of issues n rethinking plus u didn’t let him know u were on pills in the first place. But if u have done ur testing n all and u know it might affect ur future in a big way then he has the right to know.
    Thirdly ambitions never end, the more u get the more u want..don’t keep delaying ur marriage coz of this.. u have clearly stated that he wld support u thru it.. so why wait?

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