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The Journey to ‘I Am’ with Tolu Falode: His Language of Lies



TOLU FALODEHis language of lies had many season, many intonations, many manners of speaking. Sometimes it was in a soft whisper; other times it was in the silence of broken memories. But she still listened. She still paid attention when he was breathing. In and out, in and out she loved the rhythm. It gave her confirmation in a twisted attempt for her to find a reason for staying.
She did not want to leave. She did not want to release him. She was not sure if she could let go of what had once had meaning. That is the dilemma many women face.

They forget they too have worth; instead they become lost in what once was – a past that was only a mirage, a mirror that contains more reflection than a true exhibition of honest intentions. They become lost and they give in to the confusion. Refusing to pay attention to their intuition. That silent language women speak to themselves since before conception – a way of knowing what lies ahead before it is birthed into their attention. It is a way of seeing the path before it comes into the present view of interaction. She still fails to listen to those words as they silently hum in her head-decoding for her each step in his trap of deception. Her instincts as a woman, coming from nature, have made her aware when there is a false presentation.

She can tell when a lie is being hosted, when it is covered with a dust of truth, infected by the putrid environment of soiled intentions and views. She can smell the deception as it has a particular scent-not quite completely formed yet-still developing as he speaks a language her mind has decoded. But some women lie there – just looking completely trusting even though inside they have followed the thread. It is the thread of words, the woven nature of lies, they have unraveled it to see there is no truth inside.

Women trust, a product of nature; but women also have a need for complete attention. When it remains unfocused, when it becomes diffused, she is aware that there has been a new addition to this language of ‘I dos’.

I do decide to trust you, I do decide to love you, I do decide never to leave you. She understood those words before in his actions, but now they have become polluted by his distractions. But once more, this is where women make many different decisions-a product of her unique situation. She has conversations and hosts debates in her head, she has advocates for and against what her intuition has decided, but still she fights with her conscience, unsure if she should still walk away from this past experience because she remembers what it means to trust and to love despite a picture that hosts no such language in its presentation.

And so she waits it out; trying to decode this language of lies, trying desperately to turn it back into a language of love, trying to cultivate once more, a home of trust. But she is aware somewhere deep inside her conscience where her intuition hides, that this is a game, that has been lost from his lies. She cannot untangle a thread of deception woven so strongly with arrogant intentions. And though she tries and tries she remains frustrated inside. He doesn’t see all of this-all he sees is a smile. A laugh ready to receive his false attempts to cheer her up-he doesn’t see she can see what he has done-he still thinks she is hiding behind trust. He relies on this language of trust they have cultivated as he rampages around-careless in his games of inattention-sometimes a product of a past female’s ready reception of such pride and such deception. But many women have many tendencies in treating infections-that is something many forget-they treat one as if she is a replica of an entire generation-failing to understand women are different in their intuitions-women do not respond the same way to the same situation. And sometimes a man comes across a woman that has no time for such games of deception. Sometimes he fails to understand some women respond to the same intuition but choose to act differently to a similar situation.

Yes, sometimes men face that dilemma depending on the situation-sometimes it could be triggered by a lack of attention, sometimes it could manifest out of the air of lost conversations, sometimes it comes forth birthed out of necessity to inadequate communication. But either way, it speaks in many ways-because that is the product of a woman’s unique persuasion. Some speak, some act, some leave, some stick to a false script refusing to respond to a clearly woven tapestry of delayed intentions.

And each situation is a product of that particular female’s decision. Many stay housed in lies-refusing to accept the reception-refusing to receive the truth of words unspoken but shouted through inconsistent actions. But some others decode the language of lies and try to translate it back into the language of love, unaware that it was never truly love. Love does not intentionally hurt; that is a characteristic housed in a language of lustful conversation.

But the minute few remaining that speak an inner language of conviction, that still understand the language of love and how it is no longer being spoken through a conversation that houses deception, choose to face the painful fact that this is no longer a situation where there is hope for attention. They try to speak once more a language of love although surrounded by the sound of inattention, but he has deactivated his reception from understanding when she has truly meant that she no longer wants to face this situation. She is ready to walk away. She will no longer stay, but because of past experiences that failed to support these outbursts. He mistakes her renewed attempts to have this same conversation for a similar result – failing to recognise the change in tenure in her voice because he has become mute to her frustration.

And these few females understand this truth as they speak once more this language with a new intonation that speaks of their intentions to carry through-but they still speak not for the benefit of his deaf attention, but to make sure their hearts understand why it was time to leave behind these hands of inattention-they had become the source of many bruises and many sores-it was time to heal and so it was time to move on. And so she spoke a different language he had never heard before-a language of strength, a language of determination-a language he could not understand because he was not the right man to nurture this new flower that bloomed through deception-and that was why she decided to leave behind this place of false pretensions because she had finally realized, she needed a space to grow her worth not hide her value behind broken words. This was how she transformed in the space of lies, to a voice that spoke truth and had no desire to entertain deceitful views.

She was no longer amused by such tendencies. She no longer desired such inconsistencies, and once she realised this inner release of certainty, she changed to embrace her true identity. In the place of lies, she found her inner veracity. Her truth was revealed while being constantly faced with a disengaged personality.

Tolu Falode is a Relationship Counselor with over 6 years experience counseling couples and singles on having an amazing marriage. She shares dating tips on Instagram: @fantheflame and YouTube: Tolu Falode. Email: [email protected]

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