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The Fertile Chick: Dreading the New Year!

Nicole The Fertile Chick

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December 31st, 2009…if there was a way I could have staved off the onset of the New Year, I would have. If there was a way I could have paused time, so that I wouldn’t have to enter yet another year with no baby or baby bump, I would have done that. But I couldn’t. All I could do was sit down, wallowing in self pity, as we inched along to the New Year. My husband and I left for Midnight Service late, so by the time we got to Church, everywhere was full and we had to make do with standing outside. So jaded was I that I couldn’t even bring myself to pray myself into the New Year. What was the point?!

All I could think about was the fact that I was going to turn 33, and getting pregnant was fast becoming a pipe dream for me. I had just had a failed Clomid cycle, and was getting ready for an invasive laparoscopy and hysteroscopy in the first part of the coming year. But rather than feel excited about it, all I could feel was despondent…hopeless.

It is very common for TTC women to feel this way, especially as yet another New Year beckons. With another candle added to the birthday cake, the tick of the biological clock starts to sound like a deafening clang. Faith starts to wane and confidence starts to thin, especially if the year that is coming to an end was characterized by failed cycles, heartbreak and disappointment. For women like this, of which I was one, it becomes hard to believe that the coming year can be any better. It seems easier to just, well, wish the New Year away.

That New Year’s Eve, while I wallowed in self pity about the disappointing year that 2009 was, I chose to forget about all the other things that had gone well for me that year. Just a few months prior, in September, I had been promoted at work and transferred to a much more exciting department, with a lot more growth potential. I had also fully recovered from a debilitating ankle fracture I suffered earlier that year, and, infertility aside, by the end of the year, I was in the best of health. I had a beautiful marriage, and all my loved ones were hale and hearty. I had so much to be thankful for, but instead chose to mope about the one thing I didn’t have.

Inevitably, I entered 2010 not in the most positive of mental attitudes. I was angry, frustrated, anxious, resentful…name it, I was it. I lashed out like a wounded animal at everyone and everything, and I pursued a resolution to my problem with an intensity that was borderline obsessive. It took my failed IVF cycle in November 2010 to give me the wake up call that I needed.

After going through all the five stages of grief that accompanied that failed cycle; the denial, the anger, the bargaining, and the depression…when the fifth stage came, the acceptance, I surprisingly found myself at peace. I accepted that it was time to stop being so hard on myself…on my husband…and my loved ones. I accepted that happiness could come from a lot of different sources, other than the only one I had been chasing for the last few years.

On December 31st, 2010, even though I was a few weeks past a failed IVF cycle, and even though I was still fragile emotionally, I was more thankful. I was grateful to God for a wonderful husband…a true partner. I was also grateful for the lessons I had learnt that year…the good and the bad. And as 2011 beckoned, the year I was to turn 34, I found myself less anxious than I had been the year before. No, there were no guarantees that I was going to get pregnant that year, but I was finally in the mental place where I was ready to just let God lead me. Just as the popular saying goes, I finally was able to let go and let God. And in November 2011, my girls were born.

Of course, this is not meant to belittle anyone’s struggle. The TTC journey can be very intense and traumatic, to say the least. The heartbreaks can be more devastating than anything one can imagine! But amid all the heartbreak and anguish, the even greater calamity will be to lose all hope. The bigger disaster will be the inability to see the light at the end of the tunnel…no matter how dark. Not being able to hold on to some hope, no matter how small a shred it may be, will truly be worse than anything that could have happened in the year just ending.

Sometimes, I wish I’d enjoyed some of the little things more, in my TTC days. Now that I have a house with 2 boisterous 5 year old girls, nannies, and other domestic staff, I wish my husband and I had taken more advantage of having the house all to ourselves those days. I wish we’d traveled more. I wish I’d read more. I wish I hadn’t spent my every waking thought fixated on getting pregnant. I wish I hadn’t wasted those early years. I wish I’d taken the time to smell the roses.

For the TTC women who are staring at 2017, feeling despondent, I implore you to look inward and count your other blessings. We all can agree that 2016 was one HECK of a year! Personally, I feel like I was in a long boxing match that refused to end! The recession hit haaard! The whole world went crazy (think Brexit and the new POTUS, Donald Trump)! Too many lives were lost! It was literally one thing after the other! I have never been more eager to see a year end than I am about 2016 just leaving with its wahala. And as 2017 beckons, the year I hit the big 4-0, even though I haven’t achieved a lot of the things I thought I would have at that age, I am not only grateful to have made it through such an awful year in one piece, but, more importantly, for the plethora of other blessings that are just way too much to count.

My dear friends, you might not have seen those two lines on the stick this year, but if today, neither you nor your loved ones are in hospital or the morgue, you have a family that loves you, you have a partner whose love and support you can count on, you are still able to keep your head above water in these dire financial times…you have it better than a lot of people. It’s time to be grateful.

As 2017 rolls along, it is also important to be open to receiving your blessing in whatever package it comes along. Try not to be like the person stranded on an island, waiting for God to send an airplane to rescue her, and ignoring the boat, canoe or even scuba diver who comes along offering help. Yes, getting a natural BFP is what we all dream about, but don’t be close minded to other options like IUI, IVF, surrogacy, donor eggs/sperm, and adoption. The gift of parenting comes in different types wrapping paper. Let’s not shun the gifts that don’t come in the packaging we expect.

The other day, I stumbled on an old edition of the defunct True Love West Africa magazine. I was featured in the Careers section of the magazine in early 2006, and I smiled as I read the interview my 29 year old self gave. But what struck me were my parting words at the time; Don’t wait for tomorrow to be happy. Happiness is right now!

Today, almost 11 years later, that phrase rings so very true!

Let us stop putting our happiness on hold until the babies come. Be grateful today. Be happy today. Be hopeful today!

Happy New Year, folks!

Photo Credit: Daniela Spyropoulou | Dreamstime.com

Nicole is a woman in her late 30s, with a passion for all things fertility related. She suffered infertility for the first 3 years of her marriage, and found it extremely isolating. After she had her kids, she started The Fertile Chick (www.thefertilechickonline.com) to create a community and happy-place for all women, in various stages of the fertility journey.

34 Comments

  1. Ebere

    December 30, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Thank you Nicole. Barrenness sucks but I choose to be happy. I have the best husband, I no longer count my childless years, and I no longer look at the fact that I am a woman in her 30s and still without child. I look forward to 2017 as it approaches bearing in mind that
    “I won’t wait for tomorrow to be happy. Happiness is right now”.

    • Freida

      December 30, 2016 at 5:03 pm

      Ebere, you spoke my mind. A dear friend of mine told me that we are waiting on God for something; by faith we hold on to his promises knowing it will happen. How we wait is the problem. There are different seasons in life and God wants us to enjoy each and every season. As husbi and I wait for a child we are enjoying our ‘us’ time knowing that God will bless us in due time. There is nothing like barrenness because God has promised to give the childless woman a family, and he will do it at the right time. xxxxx

    • Ebere

      December 31, 2016 at 1:43 am

      Amen thanks.

    • Chicadimples

      December 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      Dear Ebere, you are not barren, stop seeing yourself as one.
      It shall surely end in praise, baby dust to you…

    • Ebere

      December 31, 2016 at 1:42 am

      I am still hopeful, thanks for the kind words..

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      That’s the spirit, Ebere! Happiness truly begins with you. And please delete the word ‘barren’ from your vocabulary. That word should not be used to describe you, or anyone. Happy New Year hun! xoxo

  2. Ivie

    December 30, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    Sometimes, I wonder what 2017 will hold for me in terms of ttc. I really want to spend next Christmas with a complete family.

    • Chicadimples

      December 30, 2016 at 5:36 pm

      And so shall it be…amen!

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      Praying with you, Ivie! Happy New Year!

  3. Fike

    December 30, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    Barrenness sucks. Just found out my hubby of 10yrs cheated on me. It would have been better if I had my children to console me. 2016 should just go…2017 what do you have for me?

    • The real D

      December 31, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      @ Fike, I am so sorry, about your hubby that is, that will be devastating. My prayers are with you.

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:06 pm

      Oh no! I’m so sorry, Fike. Infidelity always hurts, infertility or not. Sending you giant hugs, dear Fike. I hope you two are able to get through this difficult time. xoxo

  4. The real D

    December 30, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    Wow!!! I felt this way on the 31st of last year, I turned 33 this year too and was just tired, no job, no baby and no job also meant no $$$ to keep pursuing fertility treatment. This year though I just bought a journal, apart from writing my goals and prayers for 2017 today and tomorrow, I plan to also take time everyday beginning Jan 2017 to write something I am grateful for. I hope that this time next year, I will be able to sit down and reflect on not only answered prayers and goals achieved but on the little and big blessings (we often forget about) God brings my way this New year. I hope I can be faithful in my “journalling” journey. I don’t like writing notes by hand, and so i have never been one to keep a journal. I don’t know what 2017 as in store but I am more optimistic and thankful than I was last year.

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      That’s wonderful! Keeping a journal is very, very therapeutic! Good luck hun. I pray 2017 comes with immeasurable blessings for you! xoxo

    • Bobosteke

      January 1, 2017 at 3:16 am

      @The real D, Thank you for always sharing your thoughts. I’ve learnt a lot from you and I’ve grow through the words you write hereon. You are beautiful. Thank you again.

  5. Busola I

    December 30, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    Thanks for this article Nicole!

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      Thanks so much, Busola xoxoxo. Happy New Year!

  6. SmashingM

    December 30, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    It’s not easy waiting for the second line on the test strip. I carried out a test yesterday morning and started bleeding in the afternoon. I am yet to throw away the used test strip and I am calling the flow “implantation bleeding “. I keep expecting to see the second line. God help me.

    • T

      December 31, 2016 at 2:43 am

      I’m so sorry hun

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      SmashingM, reading your comment just brought back memories so vivid for me. Sending you lots of hugs and praying you see those 2 lines this 2017! May all your heart’s desires come true! xoxo

  7. luvnaija

    December 30, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    Beauty and Brain you are Nicole ! One of the sweetest chics I ever met! My testimony still loading though! Keep up the good work! Please pray for me house as I’m in my 2ww to confirm 7th Jan 2017. I need and covet your prayers. God bless

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:10 pm

      Awww! You’re too kind, hun! God bless you dear! And I’m for sure praying and rooting for you in this 2ww hun! May January 7th bring wonderful news…and a beautiful way to start the New Year! xoxo

  8. Desy Moore

    December 31, 2016 at 1:51 am

    Really needed this today, Nicole. Married 42 y o, just had a hysteroscopic myomectomy today. Second surgery, first was an open myomectomy. Was feeling despondent earlier, just heard that a friend I havent kept in touch with for a while (we live in different continents. You know, the type you say, o, she’s there, I can always get in touch anytime ) just passed. Same age, mother of 2 kids. Feeling really despondent….. She started early, so her kids are a bit grown. Kind &gentle K, may your soul RIP. Father, please give her family the strength to bear her irreparable loss.
    Just thinking about this life. What is there in it????? Hmmmm, at the same time, I am tentatively hopeful that come 2017, I will be a joyful mother of children.
    Please everyone, excuse my jumbled tale, its just the place I am currently, in my head.

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      Oh no!!! Desy Moore, I’m so sorry about your friend. It really hurts when people we have taken for granted when it comes to staying in touch, pass away. It has happened to me before, and it really hurt. My dear, it is well with you hun. I am praying you get that beautiful BFP this New Year. I hope you’re healing well from the myomectomy, and are all prepped for the next 12 months! Do you and your doctor have any treatment plan?

    • Desy Moore

      January 2, 2017 at 7:41 am

      Thanks a lot Nicole, I really do appreciate your words of encouragement. The Dr is suggesting an IUI as soon as I have sufficiently healed in about a months time. Praying to God that it does not get to that. Hmmm, … hopeful.

    • Bobosteke

      January 1, 2017 at 3:28 am

      I’m sorry too for your loss, @ Desy Moore. Life can seem meaningless in one moment and absolutely gorgeous in the next. May your heart be healed and all you hold dear be comforted. Rooting for you in 2017, Mummy…

  9. Tee

    December 31, 2016 at 8:15 am

    Dear Nicole, thank you for this encouraging write up. For me am definitely going into the new year full of hope and grace, It’s been 3years+ and am going on 35 come February. Being a TTC is not an easy feat especially when everyone have an opinion about your situation, it keeps reminding you of your present condition. I choose to stay happy for the remaining half year while I focus on other things and constanstly reminding myself that God’s got my back and I have an ever supporting loving friend(hubby) who have stay committed to our relationship from the get go. This period of grace have allowed us to love, understand, appreciate our selves more, we are having fun while it lasts. 2017 will be a great year. #HappinesIsNow #HappyNewYear

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      December 31, 2016 at 11:14 pm

      Happiness is most truly now, Tee hun! I pray this New Year brings you all your heart’s desires! xoxoxo

  10. Anonymous

    January 1, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    Thanks Nicole. I’ve followed your write ups for almost 2 years but never commented. But guess what, this is EXACTLY where I am right now. I’m not excited about the new year because I don’t know what it holds. TTC is a hard journey. It’s almost like satan keeps reminding me about how hopeful I was in 2016 but eventually nothing happened and the thought of a new year just scares me however I know God is still God. I’m encouraged by your write up and I know that I can’t allow the devil keep me at this spot. 2017, please be kind to every woman in the waiting room. It’s a lonely journey!.

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      January 5, 2017 at 4:43 pm

      Sending you lots of e-hugs, Anonymous, and joining you in declaration for wonderful things in 2017! xoxo

  11. Luvnaija

    January 1, 2017 at 7:02 pm

    Wishing you quickest recovery @ Desy More. I’ve done it twice also one open and laparoscopic mymectomy! Infertility has been the biggest battle of my life and I pray for all ttc women here for a God to grant us our heart desires speedily! Sometimes it can be quite a lonely journey feel free to hit me up on email to encourage each other. Chinedudotpavinaatgmaildotcom.

  12. LamLam

    January 1, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    I am just seeing this and it has really encouraged me, i am 31 going 32 and three years in marriage without a child, it has been a rollercoaster i must say, people basically calling you not to ask how you are but ask if it has ‘entered’ some you meet and the stare right inside your uterus trying to scan a baby that they didn’t put there, is it those that will walk up to you and ask how far? Hmmm, i was diagnosed with PCOS a year before our wedding, i took myself to the hospital because i was worried about my irregular cycles, i have taken every drug, done HSG(painful as hell) several injections, ultimately i had a laparoscopy, the doctor assured us that will do it and when i bled just 22days after the surgery, i ran to the hospital thinking it was implantation bleeding and it was negative, oh dear i cried! That will be the first day i will ever cry, i have been strong to the amazement of hubby and my family, my friends wonder i am always happy and i tell them worry will not make me pregnant, it will only slow down the process and moreover God will do it so why worry, i have used this opportunity to build myself, travel and do other fun things, but just yesterday we went shopping with my kid sis and i saw this really beautiful inner wears for babies and i just bought them, my sister asked if that was a form of announcing my pregnancy ro her and i said no, just a big move of faith, i habe never thought ilof doing anything like that and i felt my joy is just by the corner, thank you Nicole for this beautiful piece, for all going to conceive GTC, hold on, you will testify soon.

    • Nicole The Fertile Chick

      Nicole The Fertile Chick

      January 5, 2017 at 4:42 pm

      Reading this, LamLam, I could identify with everything you wrote. I’m praying with you hun. May this be your year of testimony, by HIS grace! xoxo

  13. LamLam

    January 1, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    *sorry for the typos

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