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Aunty Bella: Miss. I’m Stuck On Him

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
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Aunty Bella, I have been feeling really down lately and been thinking of doing so many things just to ease off my anger. Sometimes it feels like I need a closure of some sort. BellaNaijarians, please kindly contribute and ignore how I type.

I kind of developed feelings for this guy few months back (mid 2016),at a time I just left a long relationship . I was like, I’m not going to open my heart for now; I’m going to have it closed! But it’s the heart we are talking about. So I met this guy on my way get lunch, and only talked casually – like the ‘excuse me, please do you have an idea what’s available’ kind of talk. After that, whenever I see him he would always stare. My friends noticed too. To cut it short, I developed feelings for him. He is really fine,though not anymore in my eyes.

I approached him months later, we got talking. It was obvious I liked him. He would only be a fool not to know. Everyone one noticed, and we spoke a few times and I liked the chemistry.

Then we had a 3-week break, with no communication because he lost his phone. I was so happy and anticipated seeing him, then I saw him and realised he didn’t want to talk to me anymore – like we never held a
conversation.
He would just see me, greet,and then be like he is going off somewhere. I noticed and told my friends ,but they were like I was only being pessimistic,and should stop being a personal bad belle. Oh well, I didn’t believe.

Then a certain day I told one of our mutual friends to greet him for me…only for her to ask him questions regarding us. He was like he isn’t into me; that I like him too much, and I’m so all over him and that I stalk him on the social media! I wasn’t dumfounded though, but I was also at the same time.

It was funny, I know. I visit his social media page, but that was because I had feelings for him, and missed him during the break. I could only check out his pictures. I don’t slide into his dm and comment on his pictures acting all thirsty. I don’t! I sent him just a “happy new year message” and the time I see him or try to see him he is the one who asks me to come over.

So I have been finding it really crazy and annoying.I promised not to be beat my self up for developing feelings for a guy. I’m human, and would do it again. I’m unapologetic, but sometimes I feel angry in deep thoughts. I feel the need to have a word with him, or just send him an indirect message.

Though after I heard all he said, I still greeted him. My smile was kind of fake and faded quickly. Two times after that, he doesn’t greet me anymore.

Kindly advise me on what to do, or on what I did wrong. Any kind of opinion on this or experience would help.

P.S
I actually felt my friend should have helped me a bit while with him. She should have been like she only viewed your pictures because she likes you. It’s not like she trying to harm anybody or talks that can make him get the memo; but she’s human,not perfect. I’m grateful she told what he thinks\feel.
Please your input will go a long way.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

35 Comments

  1. Nate

    February 6, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    Simple- He’s not into you, face your front. If you continue, he will end up hurting you.
    Let that feelings go and concentrate on more important things

    • Rainbow

      February 7, 2017 at 10:14 pm

      I tire o!!! You should be glad that he was honest that he was not into you. What if he decided to take advantage of your too much likeness and dump you afterwards? I’m sure you will “try to close your heart again” but for how long? I guess it won’t take too long because according to you “It is the heart we are talking about”.
      Girl!! You better keep that heart closed until you are ready for a new relationship. You won’t even need to stress yourself this much when that real love comes around.

  2. Iyke

    February 6, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Here’s the deal sweetheart …. Just move the feck on…who cares i hif someone doesn’t want you.You see,if you are sure of yourself and what you bring to the table, it just doesn’t fecking matter.
    And if you must know,as it’s obvious you are in your late teens/early 20s, Feelings should be Mutual.

  3. ma

    February 6, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    Let go of relationships for now,find time for yourself and enjoy life at the moment.The right one will come for you

    • MS Spontaneous

      March 5, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      Enjoy life, exactly what I’ll recommend

  4. Sisi

    February 6, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Dear Poster, you’re one of the lucky ones. You should honestly be grateful that the guy didn’t play on your emotions and waste you’re time seeing as he thought you were so much more into him than he obviously was you. There are many (men and women) that would have delighted to get hold of someone like you and do with you what they would like. In any case it’s not a big deal, nothing more really to be said to the guy. How much you were into him is not even the relevant part for you in all this, he was obviously not that into you. One day you’ll find some who adores you just as much, even more than you adore him. Chin up and keep it moving. Focus on other important things until then.

    • Daisy

      February 7, 2017 at 6:50 am

      Are you Bisexual? Why did u include ‘women’ in your sentence? Or our Sis seeking advice here told you she’s Bi? Africans and copy copy. Perv!

    • peeps

      February 7, 2017 at 10:46 am

      Because some women/men also play on the vulnerability of men/women and she was making general an balanced example/statement.

      Ps. If you don’t still understand this, then you might need to re=enroll in primary school.

  5. Brenda

    February 6, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    Just out of curiousity,please which particular type of social media was he able to trace your search of him? Instagram, etc or etc? Anyway, it was just a crush you had for him and nothing too deep…i would advice you stop going to the same venue he goes to. That’s the easiest way to get over him. As time goes by,you will forget him. Lastly, i wouldn’t ask a friend to go talk to a guy you have been eyeing or who is your boyfriend or husband. Wrong move. You should use your own gut instincts.

    • One Nigeria

      February 7, 2017 at 3:59 am

      May be LinkedIn, it notifies you of your viewer. Lol

  6. ced

    February 6, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    Thing is…he doesn’t feel the same way about you. If he liked you, he’d be glad u checking him out on social media and not call it stalking. What u did wrong? U did not take the time to ascertain how he felt about before “going all in”. Many times a good guy feels reluctant to tell a lady off when its obvious she likes him but he doesn’t feel the same. He hopes the lady would read his body language and get the message. Forget about him and move on. Ensure the feeling is mutual next time b4 committing ur emotions. I hope he didn’t take advantage of u though

  7. Weezy

    February 6, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    The guy has told you he doesn’t like you and ignores you when you greet him. He sounds like an ass to me.
    Regardless, stop greeting him, stop being “nice”. Put him out of your mind.

  8. tgirl!

    February 6, 2017 at 11:20 pm

    my dear sister here are some tips that would make you feel better. A. RUN every night when you are chanced and get that F boy out of your mind… you’ll feel much better after doing this trust me. B. Eat healthy or unhealthy whichever you prefer. Ice cream works best for me tho, you can try some new flavor. C. Read your bible or better still watch new shows D. You can text him and pour out your mind and let him know he means nothing to you and you are dissspointed he took you for asawo, then block him. E. work on your self, because it is obvious you are still hurting from your previous relationship and you wanted closure from this new dude, and because he didn’t give you what you want your heart is bleeding and he is making you feel insecure or less of your self! There is nothing wrong with being single, and there is nothing wrong with catching feelings.. i like people that dont like me all the time and the best way i show it to them is by being mean to them.

    • OKC

      February 7, 2017 at 2:56 am

      Lmao Tgirl,

      Abeg , just don’t give the guy face and just move on. Be happy and live your life. Don;t just sit there and think about him all day . I’ve done that and I felt like I was floating!!! That feeling lmao!!
      Post pictures on social media with your guy friends and girlfriend. it will pepper him.

    • Tru

      February 7, 2017 at 10:42 am

      Very practical. Nice one.

  9. o

    February 6, 2017 at 11:51 pm

    Very honest guy. Some others would have played on your emotions and before you know it, they have chopped and cleaned mouth. You better count your blessings and move on. Or you haven’t met time wasters??. Waste your time for 2 yrs before telling you that you’re just friends. You’ll meet someone as crazy about you as you are about him soon

  10. ogeAdiro

    February 6, 2017 at 11:54 pm

    You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s also no law that says he should like you in return. Someday, you’ll probably find a guy who’ll reciprocate your affection. In the meantime, try to take good care of your broken heart.

  11. Yahoo

    February 7, 2017 at 12:58 am

    My dear!, If u want it, u go for it. If u don’t get it, move on. Why beat urself up darling, he’s got nothing on you. The guy is a kiddo and a fuck boy, no doubt!. You’ve got ur faults too, when next u want a man don’t be a servile thirsty chick with a leach on her neck waiting to be walked on four legs by a man, be a boss bitch next time. Commandeer!, it can be a warfare at times. Nevertheless, not a big deal and pls don’t give the slightest fuck about it. It’s nothing!.

  12. Femfem

    February 7, 2017 at 1:35 am

    Plix how old are you. If you are over 17 years then you need help. Life is going to chew you up and spit you out!. Now is the time to face your studies. Forget all this shite you are saying!

    • Tru

      February 7, 2017 at 10:42 am

      You are being unnecessarily mean. Everyone has moments like this and they need lifting up, not tearing down.
      And what is with a lot of sanctimonious folks always spewing out “Face your studies”? Like that’s the answer to everything? Like they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a kid/teenager/young adult? Did “Face Your Studies” ever work on you? We all knew we had to study and excel so we could graduate , after all. And what has her age got to do with what she is passing through right now?
      People, sha.

    • tolu

      February 7, 2017 at 11:28 am

      I love you

  13. ambitiousgirl

    February 7, 2017 at 2:36 am

    Reading your plight just reopened a chapter i’ve decided to close. That’s because I am someone who can’t tell a guy I like him and also who doesn’t fall easily for a guy. When I fall, I fall really hard and it takes a long time to get through the hurt. sigh. Please poster, don’t chase him regardless of how ‘fine’ he is. You will thank yourself later trust me! I had a crush on a guy unknown to him and then, he began hitting on me . SAY WHAT!!! LOL!! Guess what? He didn’t message me after that. Last time we spoke was around this time last year. He is a fine boy and I’m a fine girl but I decided not to CHASE after this fine guy. I’m sure a lot of girls chase him but I decided I wasn’t going to and I’m worth more. A guy who wants me will do anything to be with me. I’m proud of myself for being able to restrain myself and not contact him.He didn’t wish me a happy birthday(thank God) and I didn’t wish him too. If i saw him today, I would act like we never conversed and at the same time be polite and respectful towards him. Work and School takes my mind off him. Poster, go through the hurt , pick yourself up and always know that you are ENOUGH and there are guys out there who can’t wait to meet you!!!!!!! I can’t wait to be done with school and present myself to the entire WORLD!!!

  14. Tosin

    February 7, 2017 at 8:11 am

    join the stuck on him club. enjoy.
    ok, stuck on him, what’s the problem? if it’s a problem it’s the most joyous amazing problem to have. just grab some music, poetry, friends, crayon, or whatever it is you love and sail through the season.

  15. Ethio

    February 7, 2017 at 9:03 am

    “This kind of love just ain’t for us.. We create a different kind of buzz ” wear back that darn crown and be classy yo! Worris all dis!, and get yourself some good weed alright?. Men think women feel

  16. Drama Queen

    February 7, 2017 at 10:33 am

    So because you liked him, approached him…he is mandated to like you back?

    Same way you have many guys who have been hitting on you and you ignore them, so also is it here.

    Plus i think he is married. You girls always claiming you like a ready made, fine, dark, tall, handsome, rich guy (who is somebody’s bf, fiance or husband) you will never see the upcoming ones there.

    If the guy was a player now and he starts playing you, chop you bad….you will now say he is a demon.

    Leave the guy alone or make i tell him to chop you?

    • Aj

      February 7, 2017 at 5:45 pm

      Married? I don’t think so, she said something about a 3 week break. From reading her story she sounds really young. So maybe na high school students or first year of university.

  17. BigJoy

    February 7, 2017 at 10:46 am

    My sister, i know the feeling and i have to say you have nothing to apologize for in feeling the way you feel., As you said you’re human. just try to get him off your mind, this too will pass. i had a similar run with a guy like ds. My case was that we joined my current place of employ the same time and even though i noticed that he usually would like to talk to me, i never really took it seriously. i was head of our group in training school then so i figured he was always talking to me becos of that.

    He left to another place and buzzed me once in a while, to apply to where he was cos the remuneration was better, i never really got around to doing it and i just let it go. A while back,. he buzzes me on whatsapp and says i look really beautiful and i haven’t really changed much,

    I responded and we started talking regularly, he said he really liked me in training school but i had a standoffish attitude (for the life of me, i didnt understand, i m the most open person i know) Anyhoos. we start talking and he mentions again that his feelings hasnt changed and would not mind getting to know me,

    As we started to talk some more, i slowly noticed that he started keeping away, by then ,i had started catching feelings. when i felt i was calling him a lot and he wasnt picking as much, na im i carry my load waka front. it was difficult and somehow annoying but i just kept away too. I havent spoken to him in months and i m alright. So i ll just tell you; IT ll pass. XOXO

  18. Miss unrequited love

    February 7, 2017 at 12:00 pm

    My dear please refer to my anty bell letter with the title Ms unrequited love. Simple move on cos his heart is not into you or is elsewhere.
    You will be fine. No hard feelings.

  19. Mickie

    February 7, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    Honestly you just need to move on, I’ve been in your shoes twice before, I don’t know how I made the same mistake twice. But I was able to move on, and trust me when you do, you’ll feel proud of yourself. I always seem to have relationship issues, I’m not happy in my current relationship, and I feel like we aren’t growing. It’s been close to 2 years and I’ve never been on a date with my boyfriend. Always “come and see me” Now we can go weeks without talking, but when we talk its like nothing happened. We once went 3 months without talking because he was a angry at something I did. Ever since that 3 months break I don’t feel the urge to call him everyday like I used to. It was too long and I got used to not talking to him. I feel like he’s lazy and doesn’t want to put in effort in the relationship. I know he’s busy but it still doesn’t make me feel better. He doesn’t understand me most times and I say this because I’ve had friends and few toasters that completely get me. His tough love is too tough and most times I don’t tell him about my personal problems. I only talk to him about school work and jobs. He says he loves me but he doesn’t feel secure, he doesn’t completely trust me, because he has had bad luck with women. But I love him, I’m still amazed at the way I love him, usually for me the spark fades quickly but with him it hasn’t. I’m beginning to think love is not enough. Lemme stop my rant here!

  20. larz

    February 7, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    Kindly advise me on what to do, or on what I did wrong.

    What to do? Stop talking to him/ checking out his profile. Go cold turkey on him and delete his number.

    What did I do wrong? Hard to say given we haven’t heard his side. But it is likely one or a combination of the following scenarios happened
    1) you did nothing wrong but the guy is just an azz with a glorified sense of self importance. Is he the first person, a woman will crush on ni mshew. Tbh- I don’t think it is the most likely scenario except he likes your friend and was trying to look important to her.
    2) You are in a bad emotional state from your breakup and took a scary, unhealthy interest in him. Dude was so worried and decided to keep his distance. You cant blame him for that but can work to resolve your issue with the other guy. I think this is more likely, the way you dealt with his turning you down self shows some unresolved issues. Heal from your broken heart, get back your mojo and love yourself over again. Understand that your awesomeness is not defined by the men that come or dont come into your life.

  21. Miss unrequited love

    February 7, 2017 at 7:12 pm

    I wonder why Bella didn’t post my Ist comment.

    Dear poster pls refer to my former anty Bella post and comments with title unrequited love.

    The feelings are perfectly normal but they will fade with time. Take care

  22. Ree

    February 8, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    My dear, don’t rush into another relationship, take a break, and as for this new guy, I will advise you to get your mind off him as he already said he’s not into you., The truth is, men love to the chase.if you get him, the relationship won’t last because the feeling isn’t mutual. and you will eventually get hurt worse than you were.

  23. Tosin

    February 8, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    I wanted to add, the guy sucks (by my standards) for freaking out over a girl liking him and saying ooh she’s stalking. That’s his problem that he can’t blush and be flattered and handle the attention better. He should go and sit down joo.
    (I’m totally biased, just saying there are other people out there who would respond better just so you know, though yeah like you said still stuck on this one with his goat head lol.) It’s allll goood.

  24. makii

    February 10, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    Something tells me your friend is up to no good, you ain’t sure if all she said is true, because it was your friend that passed the message. What if she has also told him some not very nice things about you that is making him act up. The best thing to do is to confront him and tell him you heard all he said about you. Don’t be scared of nobody, you have the right to know what ever,after all he’s not God .And lastly don’t tell your friend about the pre-meeting.

  25. Ak

    April 22, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    Guys!
    The guy in question has said nothing. Neither has the poster. Everyone has been talking to third parties. We don’t know what has been lost in interpretation

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