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Kurtis Smith: The Dog Ate My Suya



It’s with a bitter heart, angry spirit and a hungry stomach that I pen this article. There is nothing more painful and discomforting than what I am about to relay on this piece. It speaks of betrayal, carelessness, hurt and distrust. After investing so much of my time, energy and effort into this relationship, so much love, money why did I get such treatment? I think it’s safe to say that I have been mistreated by a dog.

A cruel thing to say right?
Hear me out first.

Here is a genesis of my debacle.
I had had just endured a very long day at the office. Hunger and tiredness were as close to as my shadow. With a hurting back, shaking legs and a mentally drained spirit, I had stopped at a suya kiosk to get dinner (bachelor style). I waited patiently as the aboki cut the full chicken into bits (just how I like it). The thought of running my hands across those oily laps of chicken, picking them apart and then crushing those soft sumptuous bones kept me sane.

Aboki, abeg put plenty onions and pepper“, I said gleefully as I fetched the moulds of cash in my wallet to pay him. It was as the chicken suya exchanged hands that I felt a sudden surge of energy and vitality. The back pain, biting stomach and sprained neck all of a sudden disappeared as I held the nylon of suya in my hands. So much promise was in that one nylon of suya. I held it close as I walked back home with the hot smell of the suya deeply entrenched in my system as I sang hymns on the walk home.

I got to my crib (a rented one bedroom flat), I erroneously/stupidly/carelessly put the suya in the burglary proof as I proceeded to open it and then the door of my house. While opening the door, a call came through (from my beautiful mum) and in that instance, I forgot I hadn’t taken the suya from the floor I kept them while opening the entrance to the crib. I entered the house, engaged my mum in a lengthy conversation. After the phone call, I got changed, showered, put on the generator, put on the goddamn TV, tuned the channel to the Big Brother Naija highlight program on Mnet and it was only then that I remembered that I was hungry and sought for my suya.
Here is the sad and heartbreaking part.

I looked for the suya everywhere, in the parlour, in the kitchen, in the bedroom and even in the bathroom… all to no avail. Then, it dawned on me that I had forgotten the hot steamy chicken suya on the floor of the entrance to the house.

With a heavy heart, I opened the door but my bag of chicken suya was nowhere to be found. I let out a loud scream only drowned by the generator noise, because my neighbours would have thought something was wrong with their very quiet and reserved co-tenant.

I didn’t need a soothsayer to tell me that Lucky (my dog) had broken my heart. The same dog I cherish. The same dog I care for and even dash the remnants of my food. The same dog I used to feed milk when it was just a baby. I felt betrayed, angry and possessed. It was with that hurt that I embarked on a mission to find Lucky and deal with it mercilessly. What nonsense!

It was in this revenge mission that a few questions creeped in my head which stopped me dead in my tracks.
Whose fault is it that Lucky eat my much loved and cherished suya?
Lucky’s fault for being a dog? As a matter of fact, which dog doesn’t like eating meat?
Was it my fault for being careless enough to keep my suya within Lucky’s smell zone?

It was totally my fault.
It was with this shame of realization that I dropped the stick I had fetched for Lucky, got to my crib, cooked indomie, eat with a heavy heart and slept.
When was the last you saw ladies blame themselves for a heartbreak? They seldomly do. It’s always the guy’s fault. He is a bastard. He is a player. He is a cheat. He is a child in a grown man’s body. In fact, he is a dog.
Sounds familiar?

It’s high time you take full responsibility for the outcome of your relationships. The blame game won’t take you farther than the next relationship. Then the next relationship. And then the next relationship.
A guy shows you his true colors, believe him the first time. Don’t let the euphoria of love blind you to a guy’s shortsightedness.

The same way I felt betrayed by Lucky for eating my suya is the same way girls feel betrayed by their boo for cheating on them or breaking their heart; they fail to realise that ample signs were available to them. Love/infatuation/lust (whatever you choose to call it) clouded their judgement.
He is close to his ex-girlfriends.
He doesn’t pick calls when with you.
He is never available when you try to reach him.
He always claims busy for not calling for a while.
He always guards his phone and passwords it religiously.
He has unexplained female company.
He travels alot without your knowledge.
He is always on the phone when with you.

These among others are tale signs but when emotions are involved, ladies ignore them and later scream heartbreak when the deed is done.
Lucky eat my suya because I let it. Simple.
You got heartbroken because you let it happen. Simple.
Take responsibility and stop letting ‘lucky’ guys eat your ‘suya’ for free.
Be in love but more importantly be a smart girl in love.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Charles Nwolisa is a Relationship Advisor and Writer whose self-styled 'lomour' articles infuses humour into love write-ups making relationship talks not as depressing and soul searching as writers make it look. Join in his adventure by ffl on IG: @bae.logic or visiting