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How I Lost my Friend to Domestic Violence – Facebook User

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The deceased, Vivian Chidinma

A lady has shared a heartbreaking story of how her friend died after she suffering domestic violence from her husband.

Dorcas Onibode, wrote the following on Facebook, in remembrance of the deceased’s passing last year.

It’s Over a Year that you left …. I wonder so many things. ..if u had left that abusive marriage maybe u will still be alive. I never believed u were gone… so many things happened. ..you were told so many things about mingling with single lady (Me),you tried to but your heart was so friendly that you couldn’t keep malice with anybody (I guess d more reason u kept forgiving n going back and you were gradually dying inside)…?…2 days before you left(easter sunday),I had a strong urge to talk to you. ..I called you but when u dint pick at first I thought they have convince you to stop relating with me but you called back and you said you and your kids are hungry (I was shocked! I knew something was wrong,I knew … ) but you covered up by saying you wanted to eat d special easter rice and I said we are cooking on Easter Monday …you said you wanted to eat the food we cooked in my house that sunday….I dint know I won’t see you again…I am sharing this cos someone is out there enduring domestic violence. ..don’t let life be snuffed out of you b4 u do d needful. .. I still wish you took the help being Rendered by Esther Ijewere (Esther i couldnt tell u when i heard she died) when you had the chance. People are saying you were sick but d fact that u went through series of domestic abuse contributed to ur said sickness . Adieu Vivian Chidinma A.K.A iyawo Chairman n Iya Shibi ike (Chibuike)#SayNoToDomesticViolence

Women’s rights activist and National Coordinator of Walk Against Rape Nigeria Esther Ijewere also shared the sad story on her Facebook page as Dorcas had reached out to her to intervene prior to Vivian’s demise.

Esther wrote:

Another woman killed from domestic violence….

It’s sad that I have to write this story, I haven’t been myself since I saw Dorcas Onibode one year tribute post to this woman since yesterday. My God I wish I did more.

Early last year my childhood friend called to report her case to me, infact she practically begged that I reach out to her myself since she wasn’t willing to seek help , I remember the first time I called her, She kept saying “Madam Please just help me anyhow I want to leave this man, I asked her to tell me the story in its entirety and that call spoilt my day, she was not only domestically abused, she was caged, molested, monitored, accused of infidelity by her husband and in-laws out of jealousy, beating her became a norm, her hairline is proof of how badly he treated her, he had a car tracker to monitor her, the security guard was his spy, she was living in fear according to her, He would beat her over the most meaningless thing,stopped her from making money of her own or doing anything.

At the time she called me he had sent her out of the house and took their kids to the village, luckily a friend who is an hairdresser took her in, the next day I asked her to go to the Women affairs department in Ikotun LGA and also go to the Police station to make an official report since she didn’t have much on her to go to Alausa and sadly didn’t have access to any bank account so there was no way I could send money to her , sadly he is very popular and someone informed him of her move, he came back to Lagos the following day, begged her not to take any action against him and she went back, I called several times afterwards but she never picked my call, I told my friend Dorcas , apparently she already shut her out too, he made her stop communicating with the world outside, I remember trying her number after about two months just to know how she is faring and luckily she picked and said she is fine and God had taken control, I knew he was there and she was lying, I could sense fear, just before I cut the line I told her I wanted to come see her but she declined , In her voice ” Madam all is well don’t worry,I will call you. I tried calling later that week and she never picked my call again.

She died last year from one of the beating episodes, she was already hypertensive, I even heard she jumped from the balcony of their one story building at a point during one of his muscle flexing exercise. I am sad because I didn’t even hear about her death till yesterday, I practically fought with my friend Dorcas Onibode on phone after I saw her post, How could you have kept this away from me I asked, she said she couldn’t bring herself to tell me considering how she rejected my help.

When Vivian told me the spiritual part of her predicament then on phone, it was as if someone was reading an African magic script to me ; she told me how he hindered her progress spiritually and prepartrated things with his family to make her redundant, she even sounded older than her age, I saw her picture for the first time yesterday and screamed, my God she was just 34, her life cut short. On the spiritual level I know many of us are too spiritual and we don’t believe in such but I do, I know of a notable woman whose husband did something similar to, beyond physically abusing her, he would pollute her anointing oil, put things under her pillow and everytime they had sex she suffers financial loss, nothing was working for her , she felt like a failure and only relied on what comes from her husband, this isn’t just anybody but someone I know very well, she left that marriage like some action film and she is doing far better now, I hope she gives me permission to share her story one day.

Sad that some of Vivian friends encouraged her to manage her home according to what she told me then, I dare say that those people also killed her alongside her husband.

I am very sad, just look at the young boys she left behind , I hear the housemaid is the new madam of the house whilst the owner is six feet under the ground.

PLEASE STOP, JUST STOP encouraging women to stay in abusive relationships, you won’t follow them to the grave, there is nothing good about being abused, if you can’t advice them on what to do please direct them to an expert in the field.

I also want to beg our Men of God to please start addressing these things logically during their sermon, no one prays for a broken home but please STOP using the bible to manipulate women into staying in toxic relationships, separate spirituality from reality PLEASE.

PLEASE I BEG YOU if you are in an abusive relationship right now, please RUN before it’s too late, look at Vivian , so beautiful and graceful yet her life was cut short.

Rest in peace Vivian, May God give you eternal rest and watch over your kids.

I am sad, very sad……. I wish I did more.

10 Comments

  1. Truth-be-told

    April 25, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    Please what became of the so called husband? “I also want to beg our Men of God to please start addressing these things logically during their sermon, no one prays for a broken home but please STOP using the bible to manipulate women into staying in toxic relationships, separate spirituality from reality PLEASE”. POINT!!!!!! Same goes for friends and family…

    • Frank

      April 25, 2017 at 11:58 pm

      Men of God especially Nigerian Men of God are only after your money. They don’t care about you, what you are going through or your well being. As long as you are bringing in that good tithe. You’d be surprised if it is your abusive Boyfriend or husband bringing in the most money into the church. The “Man of God” will side the abusive guy and tell you to be more submissive. So Fuck the Men of God, go learn how to protect yourself.

  2. Adunnie

    April 25, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    I hate reading or hearing stories like these. This is so heartbreaking. The bastard didn’t let you have peace on earth. Continue to rest in peace in heaven. I really pray your children are okay.
    And BN what is this “A lady has shared a heartbreaking story of how her friend died after she suffering domestic violence from her husband.”
    Proofreading before posting must be really hard for you guys over there.

  3. Puzzles

    April 26, 2017 at 12:03 am

    Can’t the husband be arrested and charged to court?????!!!!

  4. DoroAnon

    April 26, 2017 at 12:25 am

    Madness! I can never endure rubbish.I would walk out or we all start behaving like mad pple. My mama na pastor who cares, society would say this or that I don’t care

  5. Hmm

    April 26, 2017 at 3:18 am

    Well she died a married woman. Hope her burial stone points out that fact!

  6. Hmm

    April 26, 2017 at 3:21 am

    Did someone’ say she was 34???

  7. Thank God for me

    April 26, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    My ex husband also subjected me to something similar. he stopped me from going out and cut off my relationships with people esp. family and friends plus anytime i go out people will call him and tell him and he will come back home to fight me.

    I felt i was fighting for my marriage until one day my brain opened and yes i believe in spiritual.
    The way to coming back to my senses actually started with 3days dry fast.

    The story:
    Ex hubby used to tell me of a woman pastor that sees vision that I am the cause of his problem and i would ask him to take me to the woman let her say it to my face, he refused. So i stole the lady’s number from his phone as he used to mention her name. Well after a while i called the woman like i had a problem and needed prayers she would pray for me and after a while i asked her to tell me her address coz i wanted to come to her. One day i sneaked out of the house to her church and met her with the intention to ask her why she lied against me to my hubby ( meanwhile someone had called ex hubby that i was there).

    Somehow when I almost got there I changed strategy not to say anything about my marriage so she prayed and apparently saw visions that were more realistic to me without any offence to anyone and asked me to go on 3days dry fast with psalm 35 so I left peacefully. By the end of the 3days fasting i saw myself in a dream coming out of a heavily secured yard and i knew that was my victory.

    He was out of town so the day he got back he just came straight to fight me for going out without telling him and raped me like 4/5 times between the 8am he came home and 6pm that day. He would beat and rape me then go out of the house for various reasons including to fight the pastor for attending to me but that one insisted that she was not even aware that we knew each other but only rendered help to a troubled inidividual the way she knew to do.

    without that level of abuse, i knew it was over but did not know how so becoz I had no kobo on me and no one was calling me anymore but somehow I carried myself to borrowed money from my neighbor during one of his dash out and hid it.. the following morning i ran out the following day without any thing. that was the end of the trauma.

    I have since recovered and i am in a very happy place in all ramifications but whenever i read stories that detail something similar to my experience I like to share hoping that at least one person a able to learn one or two things from it. or even find the courage to leave and face the world.

    I was scared of what would become of my me like i was a xtain, i fighting for the marriage against my family member’s advice, i had left a well paying job etc. i just did not have any idea where life would head if i left. but thank God I left that is my greatest testimony till date. everything better than all that i left then found me.

    The road was not easy but it was worth the risk. beyond that i am able to share the testimony and I have helped so many young people through though patches with the strength i got from the experience.

  8. Idomagirl

    April 26, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    This is so sad.

  9. Salt

    April 28, 2017 at 11:47 am

    @Thank God for me, thats a very touching story and i will like to also encourage others to leave and save themselves when they can. I had same experience three months into my marriage was hell on earth…….But that made me a whole new person after i left. Thank God i did.

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