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10 Signs You Are “Mommy’s Boy”

Nkem Ndem

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Matriarchal obsession is something a number of men still grapple with. Sure, from birth, you are taught to love your mother, take care of her, and most of all respect her; however, when this affection or bond with your mother affects your other relationships, then you certainly fall into the Mommy’s Boy category.

Being a mama’s boy is not the worst thing in the world, but truth be told, men who fall under this category, seem to be very hard to deal with and are extremely irritating in more ways than one. If you suspect you might be a mommy’s boy, these 10 clues will help you know for sure:

You tell your mother EVERYTHING
At some point in life, it is expected that you stop telling your mother everything; but even as an adult, privacy is not a word that applies to your relationship with your mother. Why should it? Your mom is still the number one woman in your life. From your monthly income and expenses to your diet plan and even sex moves, you keep your mom updated on every single aspect of your life. The shocking part is that it does not feel weird to you.

Even worse, you can’t seem to take a decision until she gives her opinion or approves. Before you send an e-mail to your colleague, you call your mom and read it to her to find out if you are being too harsh. When your girlfriend makes a new move during sex, you go immediately after into the toilet and call your mum to ask her if it means your girlfriend is cheating. You basically still whine to your mother, and you always listen to her… because, well, mother knows best!

You still live with your mom
You are 27 and should be living on your own by now, but your mom is your best friend, your first love (if not your only) and your support structure. You simply cannot imagine living without her. You cannot function without her.

When at 30 you realize that living at home with your mom now looks ridiculous (even though it still makes sense to you), you move into your own place, but contract the interior décor job to her.

You want her to decorate it the way she likes, so that she can feel comfortable when she visits. You even have a large picture frame of her in your sitting room to prove your eternal devotion. When you eventually get married, you make your wife understand that your mom comes with the package, and as such, you have to move into a 3-bed… because, mom must have her own room.

You speak to your mother every day
You don’t do phone calls, and communication is not really your thing, but you call your mother every day. Heck, it doesn’t even seem like a chore.

You know your mom’s number by heart and can recite it in your sleep. She is the first person you call when something new happens to you, or when you have great news.
Also when you are stressed, you call her to feel better. In fact, most times after you get off the phone, she calls back again. Some days, she calls you 3- 5 times. Clearly, she is like an obsessive ex-girlfriend, because when she calls, you just cannot hit the ignore button because…well, you enjoy talking, any day any time.

Your partner bears a striking resemblance to your mother
You seem to have a type when it comes to the women you date; coincidentally, this type you are attracted to always have a resemblance to your mother.

It could be physical looks: their skin tone, height, body built or their eyes.
It could be their personality, mannerism, fashion sense, hairstyle or values, and beliefs. The point is, you seem to only be attracted to women who remind you of your mother.

It has nothing to do with having and an Oedipus complex and it does not seem creepy to you at all either (except that one time you accidentally called your girlfriend, ‘mom’). Of course, your mum is the ideal woman and it’s hard to stray away from the kind of relationship you’ve known your entire life.

If your mom doesn’t like someone, they’re out
There is no justification for it, but you really need your mom to like all the people in your life. You can’t handle it if your mom doesn’t approve of your choices. And if she goes further to criticize you for it, you break down into tears and shut yourself away from the world for weeks, because you know you have to give up that choice.

So, when you finally find “the one” and you know it is time to introduce her to your mom, you either directly or indirectly coach her to behave in a certain way during the visit…because you want mom to like her. That way, you do not have to cut them off is she disapproves.

You have a hard time taking care of things or cleaning up after yourself
Your mom does everything for you; from shopping to laundry, putting dishes away and cleaning up your trash. Basically, she babies you, in order to keep you close and you take full advantage of it.

Unfortunately, when you move to a new city, you realize that you have no clue as to how to go about such things. You mark it off as one of the struggles of being a bachelor. You ask your girlfriend to do them for you, or hire a cleaning service.

Your friends have complained about you not making your bed when you visit or leaving your dishes on the table after eating.

Again, you would rather order in hot water, than put water in the kettle and boil it. You wouldn’t say you are a lazy or dirty person, but it appears that you are, because mom is not there to clean up your tracks.

You always out looking for something for mom when you go shopping
You may forget it Valentine’s day or even your wedding anniversary, but your mother’s birthday is etched on your soul.
You start planning a gift for her at least 6 months in advance. You even consider going out of the budget to get her that car you promised her when you were a teenager crying into her lap about the struggles of life.

Even when it is not her birthday or mother’s day, you find yourself unconsciously looking for gifts to buy her when you enter a shop or you are shopping online.

Sometimes when your wife gets a dress or fabric you consider pretty or fashionable, you imagine it on your mother, and you request that she gives it to your mom… or buy more so she can share with your mom.

She’s the only girl who has seen you cry
To the whole world, you are a macho man. Alpha male. Nothing fazes you; but, just a little scolding from your mom and you go into depression…crying for days.

Most people get desensitized to their mother’s guilt at some point in their lives, but not you. No matter how bad-ass you are, your soft side comes out whenever she is around. You find yourself acting like a child again and even lamenting over petty things that you would never moan about in front of anyone else, not even your girlfriend or wife.

You tend to snap when things don’t go your way
You would never admit it to anyone else, but you know you are can be stubborn and bratty when you are having difficulty getting something you want. And when things don’t go your way, you throws tantrums and hissy fits, because you have the notion that the world has to work for you, not with you…a notion that was fostered by your mom catering to your every need.

For you, it’s mom over everything
You are ready to drop any and everything to tend to your mother’s whims. Your wife may be having a baby, but you will skip being at the hospital with her, because your mom wants her swollen leg massaged.

You promised to attend you children’s graduation, but too bad you will have to go for the next one – you have to take your mother to the dentist.

No matter what, you cannot stand up to her, even when you know she is wrong. Anyone’s opinion of her is synonymous with the person’s opinion of you, so you treat their BS where and when necessary.

You are ready to burst anyone’s head and go to jail for it should they as much as refer to her in a disrespectful manner.

So, now you’ve seen the signs, tell us.. are you a Mommy’s boy? Are you dating or married to one? Share some of your experiences with us. Oh, and if I’ve missed out any of the signs, please share some more.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime| Alberto Jorrin Rodriguez

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

33 Comments

  1. Fabulous

    May 24, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    My ex is truly a mummy’s boy.

  2. mr.A

    May 24, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    Proudly my mothers boy!

    • combust

      May 24, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      Well done Sir!!! Have you sucked breast today.

    • Dee

      May 24, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      Idiot!.

    • Chim Banjo

      May 25, 2017 at 3:53 am

      @MR A I cancel every trouble that will besiege @Dee on your behalf because you are not perfect and have stepped on toes and if you have ever called anyone an idiot before then your said besiege lies ahead of you.

  3. Dee

    May 24, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    @mr.A

    • Mr.A

      May 24, 2017 at 10:51 pm

      @Dee As trouble beseiges you for the rest of your days, trace it back to this comment and you will learn that it is not everybody who is meant to be insulted. End.

  4. Dolly

    May 24, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    At this rate of churning out articles of course facile is impending.

    I assume you have no kids yet, hopefully you don’t desire a boy child coz then you ‘d understand the bond.

    Especially single mothers who sometimes put their life on pause to raise their boys only for a daughter in law (well like you….no offense) to come into the picture and suddenly thinks appearing in their boys gallery makes him less a man.

    • honey omo lekki

      May 24, 2017 at 5:29 pm

      Madam, Dolly,
      Since we are in the business of assuming, i assume you are not married, because if you are married to someone who runs to his mother for everything, you will know there is a huge difference between “loving and respecting your mother” and momma’s boy.
      You put your life on pause doesn’t mean you should choke your son and his wife. There are points when you will have to let go, and just rely on the training and compassion you have taught him.
      If you try to hold on too tight to him, it is either he becomes a divorcee, or your son fights back and makes you irrelevant. Either way, you wont win.

      PS.
      The fact that you don’t believe in what she wrote doesn’t mean the article is “facile”.

    • Dolly

      May 24, 2017 at 10:28 pm

      Totally right, unmarried but i respect the place of my bfs mother just like he does mine. I ve’ got 4 brothers so yea i can relate to the boys who are responsibly close to their mum.

      Back to assumptions tho, I assume you are married and probably experience/d this.
      I get it if the MIL is over-bearing and disrespectful of personal space/ private issues or if the man is totally an idiot who don’t know how to draw the line. These folks aren’t the ones i speak for.
      I speak for grown men to be allowed to love his mother however he chooses without it threatening his spouse or make him feel less of a man.
      (If you cant love a man that adores his mother, God help you with the one that don’t)

  5. Dumb article

    May 24, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    You are in no place to determine the life of a man for him.

    How can you be determining what the life of a man should look like? You ladies are just selfish and self centred.

    Bcos he met you he shouldn’t relate with is parents any longer when you talk to your mother and father everyday, bring them to stay with you at your matrimonial home…

    Many of you are not even ready for marriage…Be dreaming there…Marriage will wake you up to reality

  6. mz_danielz

    May 24, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Me I am a mummy’s girl oh. So tough on the outside but my mum is my weak point. Being the smart woman she is, she doesn’t over do it but she knows that if she says she needs something I start subconsciously saving up for it.

  7. Art

    May 24, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    Hey future wife don’t be jealous, I love you to the moon and back but momma’s​ place in my life is not contestable. and yes I’m a proud but responsible momma’s boy.

    • Anon

      May 24, 2017 at 5:45 pm

      Why don’t you guys just marry your mums? You remember to quote the “submit to your husband” verses but always ignore the “cleave to your wives and become one”. If your mum comes first, you’re married to your mum so leave the innocent wife alone so she can find more independent and stable men not suffering from Oedipus complex

  8. Bia

    May 24, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    Sex moves kwa? Nkem Ndem, fear God.

  9. Vik

    May 24, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    My BF is a mama’s boy. When he told me he his very close to his mom, I was uncomfortable with it. But fortunately I was introduced to him by his mum, as she likes me a lot,This made me not so worried afterall. Otherwise, the relationship would have been a no no. Generally, there seems to be an unbreakable bond between men and their mothers than the reverse with women. As long as men are wise enough to separate their relationship issues from external family members in general, this shouldn’t be a problem. Otherwise, it creates the biggest problem from a minute conflict between a man and a woman.

  10. FOR MEN

    May 24, 2017 at 6:57 pm

    I guess BN or Nkem is on a mission- bring back some boys to the blog.
    Nkem has been writing on men lately, in a manner that tries to be a bit more objective or, better still, attempts to get the men’s side of the stories always told by ladies on this blog. That’s good, if only the ladies will resist the temptation of unnecessary intrusions in the comment section that will end up turning the article into a discussion on what women really want.
    Nothing wrong with having a Girls Only blog, it’s cool. But it doesn’t seem to me like the founder of BN set out to create a Girl’s Club with little regard to genuine thoughts of men.
    About the article on its merits, it’s well-written but contains some exaggerations presented as normal traits of a Mummy’s boy. I don’t know if a lot of research went into producing it though. However, it’s obvious Nkem has no interest in resting on status quo or merely exciting the majority.
    Something about her articles says “I’m aware some men visit here too”.

  11. Akara Pancake

    May 24, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    I guess the way some fellas see it: you can always get a new wife, but you can never get another mum.

  12. LAGOS CITY CHIC

    May 24, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    I’m scared of dating a momma’s boy. It will always feel like there are three of us in the relationship.
    .
    .
    Lagos at 50: 50 Things we love about Lagos -https://lagoscitychic.blogspot.com.ng/2017/05/lagos-at-50-50thingsweloveaboutlagos.html

  13. demash

    May 24, 2017 at 8:38 pm

    Funny article which makes me feel like a mummy’s boy!

  14. Hedx

    May 24, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    I knew this had to be Nkem…

    • Tosin

      May 25, 2017 at 12:17 pm

      i didn’t, was surprised. i first thought it was the boy in the picture. i still don’t understand bella’s formula for photos. 😀

  15. My Sons must be Mummy's Boys

    May 24, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Having invested a lot into my kids, apart from labour room wahala, my boys got to be mummy’s boys o. Any potential spouse that cannot handle that should bugger off.

    • combust

      May 25, 2017 at 3:29 am

      Then marry your sons.

  16. Roman God

    May 24, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Stupid article!

  17. Oprah

    May 24, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    This piece is a tad stilted abeg. So he shouldn’t have a close relationship with his mom cos he’s got a girl /wife. Hell nah, try having kids and see if you won’t baby them all the way

  18. Ethio

    May 24, 2017 at 11:10 pm

    If you don’t like this article then it’s either you don’t know there’s a difference between an adult that really loves his mom and a mommy’s boy or you’re a clingy mom.. Or a mommy’s Boy.
    I’ve seen someone suggest to his fiance that his mom doesn’t like women wearing trousers and so she has to stop it, tufiaaaaaa!

  19. combust

    May 25, 2017 at 3:48 am

    She might have gone overboard on the sex part but mummy’s boys do exist. I have a little girl and two boys and I love them to the moon and back but I pray God gives me the strong will never to stiffle my boys. Guide, advise and nurture them I will but to make decisions for them @ every point in time in their life NO!! And if they come running to me @ every point in time especially when they’re grown ass men to tell them what to do I must have gone wrong somewhere training them. There’s a thick line between being close with your mum and being a mama’s boy. I say this because my 1st cousin has divorced 2 women 2!!!! All because mum says over her dead body! Or says her HBP will kill her because of him and his wife. You have to agree that it is warped. @ some point mothers stop understanding what’s good for their boys and start becoming selfish. A mother should be able to draw that line.

  20. Chim Banjo

    May 25, 2017 at 4:23 am

    Okay she might have gone overboard with the sex talk but mama’s boys do exist and it’s no walk in the park for their wives especially. I have seen the handiwork of overbearing mums all in the name of bond between mother and son!!! I have a girl and 2 boys and I pray God gives me the strong will to stop myself from stifling my boys. Guide, love and nurture them I will but to make decisions for them @ all times as grown a…s men NO!!. If they rely on me to make decisions for them @ all times then I must have raised them wrong. I prayed and hoped for my 3rd child to be a boy just because of this only son special attachment thing. My husband is not a mama’s boy and my son’s will not be one @ some point they will marry and shift the confidant thingy to their wives abeg. Lemme mind my husby and be confidant to my daughter when she needs it

  21. Chim Banjo

    May 25, 2017 at 4:35 am

    And might I add that my 1st cousin has been married and divorced twice to two decent ladies (the 2nd ex was arranged by his mum) in a space of ten years all because his mother spews things like over my dead body and how if he doesn’t respect her wishes and her High blood pressure kills her she won’t be happy in death and he’ll regret it for the rest of his life. I’ve come to learn that @ some point mothers stop understanding what is good for their sons and start becoming selfish and some sons indulge them to prove their unwavering love even when it doesn’t sit well with them. Mother’s should know when to draw the line.

  22. Tosin

    May 25, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    tell the truth, this is pretty gross lol. better marry your mama, ode.

  23. Meestyk

    May 26, 2017 at 7:11 am

    Mommy’s boys are the best because it’s easy to make them your b**! Control the s** out of them.

  24. Olanrewaju

    May 28, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Though am the only child of my mum but all of these point listed here doesn’t qualify me as a Mommy’s boy just 1 or 2 of it

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