The whole idea of being an adult is that you are independent and you fend for yourself. Based on this idea, the general expectation is that by the adult age of 25 you have completed your education, gotten a job and moved out of your parent’s home. Unfortunately, the economy and a dreary labour market have created a boomerang effect, which now compels young adults to move back into their parents, or never even leave at all upon completing their education or finding a job.
Sure, it would seem that living with one’s parents would provide the perfect succor: a free room, free and regular home-cooked meal, the warmth and company of loved ones, and perhaps even free transportation; but those who actually live this reality would beg to differ.
Here are 9 of the struggles you face when you are over 25 and still living with your parents:
You are forced to live by your parent’s rules
This can be very agonizing because all the time you spent away at school and NYSC, you had a taste of freedom but now that you are back at your parents’, the joy of doing things the way you want them and at your own pace is completely gone. Your parents take that away from you.
You find that you have to schedule your movements around a curfew set by your parents; you need to seek their permission before going anywhere, or doing anything really. You have to conform to their house rules no matter how ridiculous it seems. Now, this would not be a problem if it did not completely stunt your social life. You cannot hang out as freely as you would like, and/or be in a stable relationship – because you do not have control of your time.
You start to believe that your sole purpose in life is to answer questions and run errands
“Why are you still sleeping? It’s already 6 a.m and you father needs his morning tea”
“Have you taken out the garbage?”
“Please bring that remote for me”
“Where are you going? With whom, and why? Also, when will you be back?”
The questions and errands are endless and you cannot escape them. Your excuses, no matter how valid, do not count; and when you insist, you are labeled ungrateful or lazy.
You find yourself trapped in annoying social situations
“Folake come downstairs and greet our old neighbour’s mother-in-law. She is here to visit”.
Your mother yells at you to come down and greet every Dick, Tom, and Harry, and you cannot escape because It’s rude not to apparently. Some days, you are the designated driver and fuel ‘purchaser’, you spend the whole day driving your parents.
Other days you are forced to tackle Lagos Island alongside your mother in the bid to buy Ankara for the family “and co”. Every event is dubbed a “family event” and you must attend -whether you had previous plans or not.
The worst is when you have had a tiring day at work and all you want to do is get home, eat a large plate and go straight to bed. Getting home, you find a house full of your parents’ friends or even worse, relatives and you have to serve them.
You are forced to listen to your parent’s advice and opinion on everything
Your parents will share their view on everything with you, whether you pay attention or not. They will still give you lectures on even the most obvious things and tell you what they think you should be doing.
Your mother will become your nutritionist and doctor telling what you should eat or drink and why. The most irritating is when they start with the phrase “When I was your age…” Ehen? And so? Are we the same? Were you 25 in 2017, biko?
You parents confuse you with mixed signals about your expenditure
One minute your parents are scolding you for spending money on food outside- when there is food at home, the next they are throwing shade at you for finishing the food they bought with their hard earned money. Other times, they complain that you never pitch in to cover bills at home, but when you actually do, they turn around and say that you have insulted or humiliated them, and they do not need your chicken change.
Basically, you do not know how best to spend your money around them, because you don’t know if you will be condemned or praised for it.
You get blamed and yelled at for everything that goes wrong in the house
You feel like Cinderella after her father passed, because the way you see it, your parents treat you worse than Lady Tremaine.
Aside from the fact that you are not allowed to say no to their whims, you are constantly yelled at, and blamed for any and everything that goes wrong in the house. Even when it is clear that you are not at fault or you have an alibi, the fault will still be linked to you… somehow.
You start to feel like your life is a struggle to exist without annoying your parents. After a while, you decide to operate on the low-key and make yourself scarce to avoid the incessant nagging, but then it becomes a big deal that you are always in your room ignoring and snubbing other members of the household.
Privacy in unattainable
You may have your own room, but it does not in any way guarantee any measure of privacy. Your parents and siblings do not bother to knock, they just barge in and let you know what is on their mind. Should you venture to lock your door, they will pound on it and ask you what you are hiding and why you feel the need to lock the door anyway.
They do not hesitate to enter and search your room when you are away. Worse is when you finally have a visitor. Rather than leave you and your guest to the living room, you parents or siblings will choose that very moment to watch their favorite show in the living room as well.
You have to share everything
You cannot buy anything for just yourself anymore. Doing so will make you look ungrateful and greedy. If you feel like ordering Dominos pizza, you will have to order the large box, so that you can offer to you parents, siblings and house helps some slices. If you go for a party, an event or short trip, you have to bring back something for the house. Your mother uses Armani ‘Idole’, but the moment she smells Gucci ‘Envy Me’ on you, she decides she is in love with it and now comes to your room to spray it before going out every day.
“Obinna, please ‘borrow’ me your phone let me quickly call your sister” and 1 hour 15 minutes later, when your credit has run out, you are handed back your phone.
You still do not save as much as you thought you would
The idea behind moving back to your parents’ is so that you can save enough money to rent a nice place and probably get a car. Two years later, your account is still in the same state as it was before you moved in. You realize the living in your parents’ home has done more harm than good. You actually spend more (on yourself and family) because you feel more secure and basically, you have become a little spoilt…you indulge more.
You keep procrastinating too, because…who wants to go through the stress of moving out?
Do you relate with any of these struggles? Do you have more to share?
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Andrea De Martin