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Aunty Bella: Miss. His Family Doesn’t Want Us to Get Married

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
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My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years and got engaged in January 2017. Our wedding is scheduled for August of this year. While we should be very happy and looking forward to our upcoming wedding and the marriage, there is SO much drama that’s really making it hard for us. First, his parents do not want him to marry me because I am Indian (born in the UK) and they want a Nigerian wife (from the village for their first son. Second, he knew they would oppose to the engagement, so he didn’t tell them of his intentions until the day he proposed. They haven’t been really speaking to him for the last four months (not even his siblings). Now his entire family says that they wont come to our wedding if the parents don’t go. I’ve tried to be really supported of him during this terrible time, but it is starting to affect me.

Now my dad doesn’t want me to go through with the marriage, although he really likes my fiancé and was very happy when we got engaged. He says that he has heard terrible stories of Nigerian in-laws (no offense) and how they can really make or break their children’s marriages. I understand that my dad wants the best for me as I am his last child, but I really want to be with my fiancé. I am not sure if I can always support him emotionally if his family never gets over the engagement and marriage.

Some more info, no I am not a desperado. No we have not being fornicating. We have remained celibate since day one. No, I did not use juju to make him go against his families. He’s 32 and I am 28. We genuinely fell in love during our masters program and want to spend our lives together. There really isn’t anything sinister going on here and I really have not done anything wrong to offend his family. His aunt said that as a woman I shouldn’t go through with the marriage because no one is supporting us. My fiancé has gone to make amends with his parents twice but all they did was yell at him that he is disrespectful and pussywhipped (dad said this). He assured them that he will fulfill all of his obligations to them but for some reason they don’t believe him and said that I will spend all the money taking care of my family.

My parents are both doctors in the UK and my brother is wrapping up medical school here in Joburg. My family is not in need of my fiancé’s financial assistance and we are both paying for the wedding ourselves.

So, we are putting the final touches on a wedding that we aren’t sure if the parents will attend. We won’t even do any sort of traditional ceremony because his parents will most likely not attend. It’s causing so much stress and pain. Anything I can do to help? I’ve already reached out to his family members to make the peace, but they ignore me. Before all of this, I thought that they liked me. We met on numerous occasions and I even went on a weekend vacation with his parents and his younger brother last year. But now no one talks to me. Most days I believe that we will survive this. Other days I am really angry with them and don’t know if I can stand it. Please advise.

Photo Credit: Wavebreakmedia Ltd | Dreamstime.com

50 Comments

  1. Na wa!

    May 28, 2017 at 1:17 am

    My dear. Let it go. It’s how a man presents you to his family is how they will treat you. He must have been flapping his lips to his mum when you guys had fights. Giving them weird impressions about you that are a figment of his imagination when he was angry. Just break things off now and move on. Should you guys have issues tomorrow, it will be so easy to bring a new wife in as a solution.

    • Na wa!

      May 28, 2017 at 1:20 am

      By the way, his parents would have also had issues with a Nigerian girl not of his tribe. So don’t even feel down that it’s because you are not Nigerian.

    • maguim

      May 28, 2017 at 9:12 am

      hummm..i dont rly agree ooo….some parents feel like the’re entitld to choose your life for you..what studies, which man/woman to marry, where to live

    • Dami

      May 28, 2017 at 11:37 am

      that’s so not true……

  2. Missappleberry

    May 28, 2017 at 1:34 am

    Nigerian parents and their annoying behaviour! They want to make a choice for everything in their kids lives! Someone cannot be allowed to fall in love and marry whoever! Even though the person is wrong for me, at least allow me make the mistake and learn from it! I’m really sick and tired of their choices in everything…gosh! It’s not like we were there when they married their own spouses yet someone has to think of them first before even agreeing to a toaster or even accepting ring. Hiss!
    As for Miss Poster, allow your fiancé to make his choice. If he’s bold enough to ignore them, good for u and wish u guys the best! There are people who have gone ahead with their weddings despite blessings from their families and they are doing well today and vice versa. Some parents only realize their poor judgement and come to terms with the marriage years later while some never do, but whatever jare! Do you! Whatever makes you happy! But if your fiancé isn’t bold enough to stand up to those family bullies, then move on dear. There are a thousand + 1 guys out there whose parents care less about their choices of spouse. You will be fine. Pele dearie! I so feel your pain…??

  3. Nkechi

    May 28, 2017 at 1:37 am

    Do you know the Lord. Pray about it. You see the now, He sees yesterday, today and tomorrow. Therefore, He is safest counselor.

  4. Belema

    May 28, 2017 at 1:41 am

    I want to believe this guy is ibo (sorry if this assumption is wrong) but men from SE, especially the first sons are expected to marry a lady from same tribe, a neighbouring community, or state. If this is the case, then forget it cos you may never win their acceptance, and this is not about you.
    You can’t afford to marry into a Nigerian family where no one likes you, because they will fight you by all means, especially your mother in-law… don’t even pray to have a misunderstanding with your husband cos none of them will help scold him.
    Just forget about this engagement and move on, but if you choose to go on with the marriage, bear in mind that their hearts MAY turn towards you in future.
    Whatever you decide, I wish you the best

    • Nelo

      May 28, 2017 at 7:48 am

      oh shut up. tribalistic goat. As if other Nigerian tribes don’t discriminate. I know several yoruba families who refused their kids marrying igbos and outside their tribe.

      For the bride, i will advise, you guys should put the marriage on hold for now. if you are bold enough, make attempts to get closer with your future in-laws. My mother would say “kill them with love”. But give it a time frame, if after a few trials, the guys family are not budging, i doubt it is worth it. I am married and from the same tribe as hubby, his mom was hostile initially and i gave it a time frame for her to change, as i was not willing to marry into a family that does not like me. But i eventually found out, she just wanted her son to herself. By the time she found out i was from a better-off family, she started acting all warm and fuzzy.

      you must clearly know nothing about Indians cos they rarely marry non-indians. I had an indian male colleague dating a chinese female colleague, the guy even flew down to china to visit her from india. At a workshop we attended some months later, someone asked about wedding plans, the guy foolishly blurted that hindus rarely marry non-hindus. Mind you most Chinese millenials are agnostic (no religion). The girl was standing there, imagine? No guessing how things ended up. Next thing we know dude is posting his traditional engagement pics to an indian girl.

      So tribalism or racial discrimination in marriage is not only prevalent with the igbo tribe. I definitely think you watch too many african magic movies, cos real life ain’t the same.

    • Anonymous

      May 28, 2017 at 3:29 pm

      @Nelo and you assumed the poster was Yoruba how? Belema is a Kalabari name, abeg the opposite of Igbo is not Yoruba.

    • Belema

      May 29, 2017 at 12:58 am

      Weldone Nelo, I hope you getting along with Francis’ mom now?

  5. Honestina

    May 28, 2017 at 1:55 am

    Suspend the wedding preparation for now(don’t continue to spend money which might be waste). You have about 2months to sort things out. If by July things aren’t settled, then sweety forget about that marriage.
    You’re marrying a sub-saharan african so indirectly you’ll be marrying his family too. Not to scare you but most of the Heavily Opposed marriages go through a lot of difficulties. SOME unsatisfied in laws even turn spiritual, yes you’re an Indian but I doubt you want to engage a disgruntled african in a spiritual tug of war. Whatever decision you take will be difficult.
    You can still go ahead and marry but be strong and steadfast

    PS: would your mum have married your dad if the family opposed it??? Ask her

  6. memebaby

    May 28, 2017 at 2:25 am

    girl this is tough! if its not tribe, its religion or worse.. village! if your man is really genuine . .you guys should go ahead with your plans and get married and live your life! why are some nigerian parent so intrusive ???Just because you aren’t Nigerian they will not “allow” their son marry who he loves ? can never be me..
    dats how one naija girl had a relationship with a white bobo all thru uni, her folks knew this and didnt say anything till he proposed and they started war.. ole girl got pregnant and has a secret court wedding.. naija parent had to arrange themselves! why would another adult dictate who you should be with ?? better get your life girl..
    while another friend of mine had to break up with her uni boo coz papa did not want oyinbo .. love knows no color guys..

  7. Ajala & Foodie

    May 28, 2017 at 2:38 am

    I really wish I could tell you what to do. Have a family friend who is Nigerian that is married to a Nigerian. Both from the same ethnic group in the country. Dude’s mother (father is late) was against them getting married and as such most of his family but they went ahead with planning. Well, surprise surprise dude did not show up on the wedding day. He somehow convinced this girl to not only forgive him but marry him in a private ceremony (I.e civil ceremony) to the anger of her own family. Her family had liked him too until he left their daughter hanging at the altar. Well, years later and one baby later, they appear to be happy, Both families have learned to suck it up and support them.

    On the other hand, I have a cousin who was also with a Nigerian girl also from the same ethnic group, they appeared to like her, she had visited with them and her family on several occasions. Sudden,y, he lost his brother and it was like something happened they totally refused to let him marry this girl. My cousin told me he would have married her anyway but he did not have the means at the time ( I thought then why were you even getting married).

    My point is, yes it is difficult getting with a partner whose parents do not accept you but it is totally up to you and your partner, I.e are you sure it is something you are both willing to weather together? You would both need to seriously discuss this. Even getting married with his family’s blessings now does not guarantee that things may or cannot change down the road. I know it will also help if you both were not residing in the same country as your would be in-laws. I.e if you both decide to go for it .

  8. A Real Nigerian

    May 28, 2017 at 2:38 am

    You are dating a Nigerian Man? I feel bad for you. Your dad is right. Please do yourself a favour and leave that marriage and that man.
    I know it is hard but what you’re going to go through after the marriage will not be worth it. The in-laws, the man himself, everything. It’s not worth it. Don’t throw your life away because of love that will eventually turn sour.
    How long before your dearest fiance begins to feel resentment for you? Run while you still can.
    Love doesn’t always win.

  9. VO5

    May 28, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Hmmm…. This Indian sounds very Nigerian. Something isn’t connecting with this story….

    • Marian

      May 28, 2017 at 9:03 am

      Haha, I was just about to write this. I had to go back up again to make sure she said India.

    • Me

      May 28, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      Thank you. While i am sympathetic to the story, the first line that got my attention was “a wife from the village”. Is she using village loosely while referring to tribe or same state or is it indeed village gaan cos i would expect some emphasis with regards to the incompatibility between a village wife and an exposed uk educated man. Then she says “my bro is wrapping up medical school HERE in Jo’burg”, not there or some other word but here, is she in the UK or Jo’burg? I will read again. Then aren’t Indians more traditional than the rest of us regardless of their status in a foreign land?

    • Shruti

      May 31, 2017 at 12:37 pm

      My bro, fiancé and I are in Joburg. My parents are in the UK (where I was born and raised). I really mean village wife, as in a woman from the village. His parents think that that type of woman would make a better wife as they think she will be more submissive and grateful to their son in marriage.

  10. kilipot

    May 28, 2017 at 3:52 am

    Young Woman, Please run, run, run.
    Nigerian in-laws are the most stupid people ever ( I’m sorry I used the word stupid) when they do not like you, there’s no U will ever do to make them like you.

    They forget 1. that their son is a grown assman who can/should make his choices
    2. That marriage is about 2 people from totally different backgrounds as I see it, they will never forgive u for not eg kneeling to greet, or cooking their village soup.
    Typically a daughter in-law is supposed to be the family dunce and house girl, any whiff of you being bold, assertive and un-traditional will be interpreted as being rude and not properly “trained” by your parents.
    Even if your husband loves u to bits, how many fights will he be able to do on your behalf “against” his family. Will u run to him everytime they stress u out? Please run.

  11. Ranyinudo

    May 28, 2017 at 5:06 am

    And here I was thinking to myself all week why I v never seen a Nigerian man with an Indian woman.
    Well dear, if your man is fully into you and wants to go ahead with the wedding, you should too. He is the one you will n spending the rest of your life with not the parents. I think they will come around. Put it on prayers and continue to reach out to them together with your man. Prayers definitely changed things.

    • Anonymous

      May 28, 2017 at 3:24 pm

      Yagazie Emezi and Denrele have Indian mothers and Nigerian fathers.

    • commentator

      May 29, 2017 at 3:23 am

      Ranyinudo….Nigerians intermarry a lot there are several half Indian/Nigerian kids….by the way Yagazie is half Malaysian and Denrele is half Indian-Mauritius…..

      Indiand actually have a lot of similarities with Nigerians. They are both big on culture, tribe ( cast in India ) and family.

  12. Ada

    May 28, 2017 at 5:21 am

    First of why did he wait till after engagement to inform his parents he wants u as a wife..what was he introducing u as in vacation with them? why are u just finding out they don’t like u? Wat was he telling them u were then? when wedding is set for august..my best advice is to pause for now..whatever is meant to be will be..

    Also, u don’t even want to get into a family that don’t accept u..it’s traumatic n God help u if ur not pregnant for their son before 2years…he might end up blaming u years down for taking him away from his family..ur dad is right no parent want their child to go where their not accepted..

    If u still wanna go ahead (ur both prepared to stand by each other) and he has to show you he will protect u n be a MAN n stand for what he wants.. go on and put it in prayer or thought ..but make sure u think rational not love clouding ur eyes..if they truly want his happiness they will make effort to know you n accept it
    ..u will need lot of mental strength..much luv hugs..

  13. agreed

    May 28, 2017 at 6:13 am

    hmmm.. This is tough.. my dear the only orders you should take is from God.. If you are praying people.. PRAY and FAST.. get clarity and divine direction.. God will tell you what to do..

    Nigerian inlaws can be awful.. BUT.. There is a possibility their hearts will warm to you after marriage.. when they realise their son isn’t budging.. Also when you have a baby.. ..

    I have a dear friend who had been dating her man for YEARS.. everytime the guy wld go to his folks to tell them he was ready to marry my friend.. they wld come up with one excuse or the other.. 7 yrs later.. groom wasnt having it.. He waited for his family to organise themselves for 7 years..

    He proposés to my friend.. went to do the traditional rights.. couldn’t take his family members because the mom had poisoned all the uncles against them…

    long story short, try got married, his family Did not show up.. He was hopeful so he reserves a few tables for his family.. For Where, no sign of them.. bt we danced, celebrated, infact the whole church was excited because the church had been waiting for them to get hitched for Years( they are well loved and the bride works with kids).

    now they are happily married.. with a beautiful baby..
    You see when God is for you no inlaw can be against you.. This is why I stress that u shld pray and fast.. find out if this is God’s plan for ur life..

    Good luck

    PS that part of the ” no I didn’t Juju him” et al was so not necessary.. nobody was going to ask such a dumb question

  14. amaka

    May 28, 2017 at 6:44 am

    Well. What can you do apart from what u have been doing? Move on with ur wedding plans and still keep reaching out to them. They will come around. By the time they see ur husband Is still committed to them despite the fact that ur married and by the time the first baby comes, walls Will be broken down… all the best. Dear.

  15. Bee

    May 28, 2017 at 7:11 am

    Been in this situation, in my case we are both Nigerians, just different tribes. I held on with the “o he loves me, I want to be with him, yadi yada” ideas and at the end I lost out. 5 wasted years and Yh he’s married to his “family choosen same tribe” wife. And I’m left to fight heartbreak, depression and what not. Your case might be different but I don’t advice going ahead with the wedding though

  16. Bee

    May 28, 2017 at 7:13 am

    Btw, his family never showed they didn’t like me. We were always cool. So many gift sharing and all that stuff ?

  17. mystery

    May 28, 2017 at 7:32 am

    my dear run.story of my life.10 years down the drain.when he was struggling i was the perfect girlfriend.i stuck with him through thick and thin.he relocated to canada and guess what,he’s mom said i wasn’t good enough for her son when he came back for the intro..i wouldn’t want to tell you how much it did hurt me.but i moved on.its not about you being indian at all. nigerian to nigerian sef na war.so please save yourself the trouble.the blessings of God maketh rich and adds no sorrow.the man meant for you would come n you won’t even feel any of this discomfort ,rejection is Gods protection.you really don’t know what God is doing right now. if God can compensate and heal my heart.he’d come through for you.i’d definately say a prayer for you.stay blessed

  18. Augusta

    May 28, 2017 at 7:42 am

    Men! the comments are very discouraging and sad. My brother married an Australian without telling anybody especially my dad and he was disowned for this. Years later he came back with his very pregnant wife and everybody welcomed them because he stood his ground and defended his wife. Even her parents did not want the marriage and my mum made their lives a living hell but he stood firm and said to hell with the families. We his siblings never had any issues with his marriage though and supported him cos we knew who our parents were.
    If your fiance is ready to stand for you then go ahead with it. The family will come around eventually.

  19. Annonymous

    May 28, 2017 at 8:11 am

    My story is somewhat similar, the only difference is age. I am 5 years older than my boyfriend. I’m not a cougar and is one of those girls who frown on girls dating younger guys. Funny he found out I was older and said nothing till we had an argument with friends about Dare Art Alade and his wife with me standing alone arguing that he’s a gold digger and that it wasn’t proper. That evening he told me his and I lost my mind. I broke up with him, he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He didn’t look his age and definitely didn’t act like age. We’ll fast forward 6 years and we’re still together. His mum doesn’t even want 2 see me. She’s been trying for years to hook him up with other girls and he has refused and its blowing her mind. She says he will divorce me down the line and that am older than his immediate elder sister and that his family won’t feel comfortable in his house. They had an argument and he told his sister off saying her husband is older than her yet he cheats and smacks her around and so she doesn’t have the right to tell him who he should or shouldn’t be with. We have both tried to be with others but each time we find our way back to each other. I have a good relationship with his only brother and wife, his brother in law and cousin but his mum and one of his sisters is being impossible. He has suggested we relocate out of the country and start our life since he’s done everything a son can do for his mum and she refuses to see reason. We’re currently on it now, hopefully the outcome will be positive. My parents like him and my mum says to leave him but I’m not. We have a business together which he sponsored. I lost my job and he offered to foot the bill. We’re doing what makes us happy. We’re choosing to be together.

  20. maguim

    May 28, 2017 at 9:26 am

    hi poster..please atch primrose panglea on YouTube..he is from Zimbabwe living in the uk and her husband is from india…..the mom in law ddnt attend the weeding, but eventually they are still going strong….it really dépends on you both reall supporting each other…ad you man standing his ground

  21. Lydia

    May 28, 2017 at 9:34 am

    Please what website can substitute for naijagistlive? I miss it ?

  22. Tobi

    May 28, 2017 at 10:00 am

    I’m surprised the agitation for your marriage did not come from your Indian side!!! As in shocked!. Your parents must be uber uber supernaturally Morden no disrespect, quite admirable.
    Now regarding the matter at hand hummm? Marriage is between 2 people and God. If the both of you get that fact from DAY 1 you can’t go wrong. You have a duty to respect and honour your parent ( absolute fact) they will offer you guidance at the end of the day the decision of who you will settle down with remains with the both of you. Now if your partner is getting sea legs on choosing you as his wife then something is wrong and maybe his spirit is telling him you are not the one. The flip side of the coin is this is a grown up man who cannot make up his mind ( is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with for better or even if he gets worse) no body is perfect, if we were we wouldn’t be looking for our other halves. However before committing to marriage and saying vows before God and Man, God is so merciful that he shows us upfront what we are about to sign into ( no small prints) . What looks obvious to me is
    1. Here is a man who cannot make up his mind
    2. This is a man whose decisions are heavily influenced by family
    It raises questions
    1. Will this man be able to leave his family and cleave to his wife to create a beautiful secure happy family
    2. Will your marriage be besieged with interference from family
    3 will this man be able to stand up for YOU and protect your marriage from outside inference

    Ask yourself these questions if your answered are No, yes, No – in that precise order then my advise is walk now. Bear in mind the honeymoon period is a short period after which reality sets in.
    Have a blessed Sunday.

  23. Fabulous

    May 28, 2017 at 11:45 am

    My dear from experience I would tell you to suspend the wedding until his family accept you. Most often times, unions that are this opposed go through the most difficult times that threaten the union.
    Marry into a family that celebrates you, if not na war.

  24. Anonymous

    May 28, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    These our parents and wanting us to adhere to whatever they say, they want us to live by their words, choose for us. I am dating someone who’s older than me (4 years). We love each other and we have a son together but some of my sisters don’t like her just because she’s older than me. My mom liked her at first but these sisters of mine have managed to break that bond. They will say their pastors said, we are not good for each other, this and that. This girl has never wronged them in anyway and it makes me sad, each time I try to talk to them about this, they make it seem like I’m pussywhipped, They made her uncomfortable till the point that we broke up, we were not together for two years and I have tried dating other girls but I loose interest quickly, there was no one like her to me out there. Now we are back together and I am happy again, I am not trying to convince anyone about her anymore, I will just do me

  25. Dr.N

    May 28, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    I wrote about my own experience and how I overcame. Google my story I think I titled it wedding diaries.
    All I can add is u need 2 things
    1. A sure promise from God
    As in God has to stand surety for your fiance
    2. Your fiance himself has to be worth the trouble

    • Shruti

      May 31, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      Read your story. Thanks!

  26. jinkelele

    May 28, 2017 at 4:34 pm

    This is the first test of your union.
    Ask yourselves can you endure how long it could take for his side to come round.. It could take a short while or years. You need to dig in and answer that question honestly. If u were in his shoes would you go ahead.
    If the painful answer is yes….then have a small intimate ceremony. Tone it down possibly just friends not even your parents cos his parents are not coming either.
    You can always have a full larger one when they come around.
    Whenever that happens.

  27. me

    May 28, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    When did Indians start to marry Nigerians or black people, Heard of cases when the couple were ostracized, would they even allow a Nigerian to their function, I have been in the midst of Indians and live amongst them, they like you as a friend but would bluntly inform you they do not want you to attend their functions.

    They operate as a community, if the father of the lady is willing to accept the Nigerian boyfriend, what about the community as a whole, Their form of racism is on the down low.

    If the guy’s parents don’t want you for their choice of bride, they might have their have their reasons. Are they scared they might be introduced to a religion other than theirs? Is the girlfriend a Buddhist or Christian?

  28. Frida

    May 28, 2017 at 8:32 pm

    As a woman, I won’t advice you to marry into a family that doesn’t accept you.

    Also, studies have shown that 90% of marriages that break up didn’t have full bilateral parental support. It always puts a strain on the marriage.

    Ask yourself these questions:
    1. Is your fiance totally worth it?
    2. Is he man enough to protect you against his family?
    3. I know you’re human but you should be willing to forgive his parents for their bias and don’t allow yourself to become bitter. Remember, he’s known them his whole lives while you’re quite a stranger (except he wasn’t treated well by his parents while growing up)….once bitterness towards his parents sets in…the marriage will never be at peace.
    4. Do you feel totally at peace regarding this relationship?
    5. Are you of the same religion? Different religions and different tribes reduce your compatibility. Esp if one or both of you are religious.

    It’s really painful I know. But it’s still up to you to decide what’s best for you.

  29. Yellow sun

    May 28, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    Hmmmmm……even tho I married a Nigerian man..and me and his mum were best buds whilst we dated…she changed totally when we got married… Always picking fights and bad mouthing me to others…..it didn’t help that I’m not silver spooned…it made it worse…my other sister in laws were treated like royalty whilst I’m the slave
    Thankfully my hubs is not a mamas boy and he always got my back thru jesus…
    Please if you know God…ask him to step into your situation and help you
    Cuz it is a tough and rocky journey trust me…only God can calm this storm for you

  30. anonymous today

    May 29, 2017 at 2:17 am

    I dated my husband for about 9 years partly because family did not approve.

    When you think about it, you’re going to spend more of your life being with this person than without, God sparing your lives. So everything that needs to make the journey sweet needs to be put in place. to both of us family is important.
    We had dated for about 5 years and when time came to marry, family became reluctant to give us go ahead. We both understood their concerns and so rather than argue or force it, we WAITED them out. We wore them out with love, wisdom, prayers and patience. When they saw we were dead set on each other, they came around…after 4 years.
    Now, the family adores me and I respect them and reciprocate love. But what really helped during the dating process was my husband. He made up his mind and stood behind me gidigba. He was as solid as a rock.

    A woman needs security. Security of mind. finances, emotions. If your man will provide that security during this process, it will make it easier.
    Meanwhile, the indian community in Lagos Nigeria is growing and fab. so if you decide to marry our brother, you will like nIgeria well

  31. Q

    May 29, 2017 at 7:36 am

    I beg to disagree.

  32. Shoboroko

    May 29, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    Press PAUSE – Wedding and marriages are an investment – a lot of expenses – and so before you continue to invest in something that won’t yield your principal(your emotional dedication & money) talk less of the interest (happily ever after & a bella naija wedding)………………………………………..
    Read more on my blog

  33. Shruti

    May 30, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    Thanks for advice everyone. He io worth it and is moving heaven and earth to reconcile with his family, so we will move ahead with our wedding. Tables will be reserved for his family. If they show up, great. If not, that’s ok. There will be PLENTY of guests. My family is very open-minded and we treat people as individuals, instead of lumping them all together or discriminating. They really like and respect my fiancé, so giving their blessing was a no-brainer. I will keep praying about it.

  34. tade omowunmi

    June 1, 2017 at 1:01 am

    Hmmm, na wa o!!!. If not family it will be pastor. My cuz broke up with her fiancee because the fiancee believed so much in his pastor. The pastor said, my sister is not good for him. I told my sister to break up and run. She will battle with pastor and next thing is the family. The guy is not even ready to fight back for the relationship. Good radiance to bad rubbish. Foolish old guy. I just dey vex

  35. Abz

    June 1, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    Based on the facts presented, I’ll go ahead with the marriage. Hell, even some Nigerian parents will raise hell for marrying some one that isn’t from the same tribe. I’ll advise you to do you. Your in-laws cannot mistreat you if they don’t come over and if you guys do visit, get a hotel or something. You have done nothing wrong. Eventually, when kids start coming into play they’ll get over themselves and if they do not, then it’s their loss. I love the fact that you have your family present in your life, play that to your advantage. I say go ahead and proceed with the marriage. If I were in your shoes I’d probably have a small affair though in that case but at the same time, it isn’t fair to you so you know what, go with whatever plans you already have in place…. my best friend’s friend is yoruba and so is her now hubby. His mother refused to give him her blessings simple because she did not like her. She pleaded with the woman, she was not moved. Guess what, she’s happily married and the MIL did not attend the wedding but they are she still married and going very strong. So, all of that to say, do you! Go with your heart! It’s a shame they’re being narrowminded but oh well, it’s not your place to change their perspective

  36. ddd

    June 2, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    If he is not doing anything out of the will of GOD then he should shun his parents.. Are they equally yoked, same faith, if yes then he can marry her…. .Parents need to know that they are “””care takers on earth and not the owners of their children on earth. “””
    GOD is the owner of every Spirit being on earth, that’s why we were made in his image to carry out our Spiritual assignment on Earth, so we can connect back to heaven….. and whatever choice we make GOD respects it, wheter good or bad. Parents are just their to train us the right and Godly way we should go.
    shikena

  37. Beyondfaces...

    June 5, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Please end it. Its hard but it will save you a lot of abuse and curses from his mum.

  38. Reconsider

    June 20, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    NAMASTE,
    I’m an African living in Canada and I have many Indian friends. To keep it short: go ahead with the wedding. From what you’ve said, you have done nothing wrong and God stands with those who have the truth. Even when parents (who are also human beings) commit the sin of arrogance. Your situation happens in a lot of communities across the word, in Africa, Latin America and India. If your father can’t believe there are Indian in-laws as crazy as Nigerian in-laws, just make him watch the documentary/film Meet the Patels which basically tells your story except that the guy is Indian and the girl was white. The guy wasn’t honest with himself in this documentary, but from what you wrote your fiance seems to be an honest guy. He had honest/true intentions to spend his life with you and he sealed these intentions with a marriage proposal. Maybe it will take a conversation with his parents to tell them that God has entitled him to make an honest choice as a spouse FOLLOWED BY a couple weeks of silent treatment from him. The conversation and the weeks of silent treatment might make his parents understand that if they’re going to be there for his special day Great, if not he will proceed with the wedding without them. Don’t give into the sin of arrogance which both his parents and your father seem to be keen on committing.

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