Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.
This story was posted by a BellaNaijarian in another post. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
I need someone to talk to and at the moment I don’t have anybody. I believe they are matured minds here that can advise me on what to do. I’m 23 years old and I just relocated to Houston to stay with my family. I am surrounded by family and friends that genuinely care about me and for that I am grateful.
One of my family friends (let’s call him Jide) has always been concerned about my academics. He is one of the few people that made me changed my major to pre-med, and has always encouraged me whenever I feel down.
Sometimes my parent would even threaten to report me to him whenever I’m misbehaving. Need I mention, I met him through my best friend, Sade. We’ve been off since 2010 and we came to the States together. Our friendship is one of the few things that matters to me in this world, as we respect and support each other.
Fast forward to 2 years ago. Jide’s wife texted me and accused me of trying to sleep with her husband, which was not the case. Her husband texted me saying “hi beautiful” and I replied “good evening sir” I asked about the kids and his wife and so forth. I don’t want to go into details about that.
I was so mad because I was innocent and I didn’t even see him as someone that would flirt with me. Since I was in school, I cut them off and stopped talking to wife’s family. She realised that she went too far, with the text, so she would always reach out to talk to me but I would ignore and put her in her place.
To cut the whole thing short, I moved to H-town early this year and she apologised to me for sending me the text. I told her it’s in the past. We bonded, we would always go out together. In fact, I go to her house every Friday to eat her jollof rice, but I was always mindful of how I act towards her husband – as in no eye contact and all that.
One afternoon, I got a call from her husband. He sounded off, and my female instinct told me he wants to sleep with me. So, I called by best friend and she was like, why would you think like that? I said, ‘but uncle Jide was trying to sound sexy on phone’
Anyway, fast forward to few weeks later we went out. I wouldn’t call it a date. The conversation was very mature, we talked about school and how to move forward, before I start popping kids.
It went so well that at the end of the convo, I was crying because to be honest, I was beginning to lose my confidence in myself, and was thinking of just going for masters and call it a day. We hugged and that was it.
I called my best friend and told her how the meeting went, and she had the whole “didn’t I tell you? don’t be to quick to judge people, not everyone wants to sleep with you” Fast forward to few weeks ago, he was texting me about coming to his place of work in Austin…. blah blah!
Out of respect I would reply him back and keep it simple. Few days ago, I got another message from him he wants us to hang out. Since it was my birthday week, I was down for it; plus I had a lot I wanted to talk to him from our last conversation. Med school, day of my exam, my weak point studying and so on… since he has always been my mentor from my freshman year, and our last convo was not what I thought it was going to be. I was okay with going out.
Anyhow sha, this uncle drove me to the movies ni sha… I was like keep calm! We got to the movies and we were the only one there. My heart started pounding, I was praying that holy spirit should bring people, so I won’t be alone. Next thing uncle said be comfortable o… I said Ha! temi bami (I’m in trouble!) Before I could say Jack ROBINSON…he started kissing me. I didn’t kiss back; it was just awkward. Next he was pressing…I was so calm. I wanted to slap him, but that is like slapping my father. If it was someone else, I would have talked back or shouted to do something, but it’s uncle Jide – someone I have known since I was 17; why should I slap him?
I really respect him and his wife; but, how could I have let him kiss me and press me without saying anything? I’ve been in bed all day feeling bad. Should I message his wife? I really don’t know what to do. Our families are so close. If i stop going, people would ask me questions. We stay one minute away from each other. I’ve refused to go to work or eat. I’m just sad and disappointed in myself for not doing he right thing which is slap him.
P.S the names were changed.
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