Connect with us

Features

BN Confession Box: I Still Love My Ex, But I Don’t Want My Fiancé to Leave Me

Nkem Ndem

Published

 on

Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a new feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem. The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

***

Dear all,

My fiancé has been upset with me for 2 days now. I won’t deny I did something really bad. I called out my ex’s name while we were making love. I don’t even know how that happened. I am always careful and I am not even the noisy type when lovemaking. The way he pushed me off his body, I was shocked. His kind can kill somebody. I couldn’t even lie because where do I start? How do I even deny it? I am filled with so much guilt and fear. I don’t love my fiancé anymore but every time I think of breaking up with him, fear grips me. I imagine him pouring acid on me, stabbing me or setting me on fire like those people you see on Instagram. It is not like my fiancé is a bad man or a wife beater. No. He just does not like to share me and he likes revenge.

I feel so much sadness, because even though I know I don’t love him, I have to marry him. I have been calling him, he is not picking. He reported me to my mother that I insulted him and she has been on my neck thinking it is a small matter.

He has sacrificed so much for me and my family but the truth is, I don’t even know if I ever loved him. He works in the company where my mother serves as a cook and only got my attention after he helped my family out with some serious financial issues we had back then. After helping my family, he started to give me money every month and support my brother’s business too.

It just made sense that I would dump my boyfriend then and agree to marry him when he told me his intentions. I won’t lie, it has been great having his support, but I think I am over him. He is boring and old school. My Ex has been begging me to leave my fiancé and come back to him, but this my boyfriend has no plans of marriage any time soon and has never offered to support me financially.

I just love his person and prefer sex with him, that is all. Honestly, I am just so sad about everything and I hope my fiancé can forgive me. If he rejects me, my mother will never forgive me.

Also, I still have one year before I graduate, and I still need his financial support. I feel so bad. I did not mean to hurt him like this.

***
Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Darren Baker | Dreamstime.com

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

34 Comments

  1. That African Chic

    May 21, 2017 at 8:16 pm

    Disaster waiting to happen either way if the marriage comes on or off. The main ingredient that fuels this future disaster is the fact that you dont love him but are very comfortable spending his money and have evil intentions towards him to top it off.

    And you know why he doesn’t like to share you? Because he owns you. Yes, you and your mother have cheaply sold you to him.

    I can’t advice how you will get off this easily without going through some very very messy situations. Forget about mentioning your exes name,.you have bigger problems.

    If you marry him, problem because you don’t love him and it will show. You can’t pretend for long. And it doesn’t help that he feels that he owns you because you started off the relationship giving him all the leverage.

    If you break off this engagement, he won’t go easily. He made an investment and he will be mad not to get his returns.

    Be wise

    • See

      May 21, 2017 at 10:10 pm

      Disaster waiting to happen, fights, domestic violence, death etc
      You are a terrible person. You said yes to him when in your heart you don’t love him but for what he’s doing for you.
      You are a leech and user.
      I hope he finds out about the truth, and he breaks up with you. So, you and your mother can stop using him.

  2. Votty

    May 21, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    He is not a bad man, yet you think he can kill you or pour acid on you if you leave him? He sounds like a terrible person. But so do you. You are using him, and pray he doesn’t reject you so you can keep using him??!
    Maybe what happened is your way out. If I were you, I wouldn’t miss this opportunity to exit the relationship.

    • Abz

      May 22, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      Spot on Votty!

  3. king Bey

    May 21, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    Your fiance is not a bad person or a wife beater but you already worried he might hurt you by revenging when you finally leave him…I am sure you have a long throat longer than that of a giraffe,if not you won’t be so greedy to have been collecting money from him,knowing fully well you won’t end up him…I am not saying one should marry because her man has been supporting her financially,we should marry for love, but please when you don’t love someone or not into them,then stop collecting gifts from them period…

  4. king Bey

    May 21, 2017 at 8:36 pm

    And please try and settle your differences amicably and move on….don’t think he’s a good man for u…

  5. john

    May 21, 2017 at 8:40 pm

    if this story is true ..I hope he kills you or pours acid on you or do something that will scare u for years even if it means going the spiritual/ occultic way ( I can help him with the last one) …u women think u can have ur cake and eat it..na lie

    • That African Chic

      May 21, 2017 at 8:49 pm

      You are a simplistic idiot with the mind of deranged person. He has no right to her life irrespective of how much he’s helped her.

      Sure there are consequences for her actions but not to the point of your methods. You must be arrested for just expressing your views

  6. LemmeRant

    May 21, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    Confused Person carrying confusion up and down

  7. John Matilda

    May 21, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    Poverty is a bastard…. That’s all I can say….. Cos I don’t want to insult you or your mother…. .

    • Chinenye

      November 28, 2018 at 2:02 pm

      Buahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahhahahhaaaa

  8. Tosin

    May 21, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    Lol. But it’s actually not funny. Stay safe.

    If you could be straightforward for once in your life, you would get yourself out of this situation. But scamming is easier abi? When you’re ready to quit get a grown man or somebody businesslike in your family to help you. It will probably involve a meeting plus some apologizing and some financial compensation if he’s the type that wants to make a big deal about it. Pele.

  9. Mrs Long Throat

    May 21, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    Hmmmm

    This totally reminds me of my ex! Was acting like a God in my life because he was settling certain bills. It’s ojukokoro and guilt that put me in trouble. My sister, when I broke up with him I returned everything o and started afresh!
    Thank God for my supportive friends and family!

    Now I am happily married to the man of my dreams (a childhood friend/sweetheart) who has even done more than I ever imagined.

    My sister run! Forever is a very long time to be miserable!

  10. Darius

    May 21, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    You are a leech!

    What you need is an irresponsible and abusive guy to help reset your brain and make you realize that there is more to life than getting laid.

    You don’t deserve a good man. Milk the poor guy dry no further.

  11. EE

    May 21, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    “It just made sense that I would dump my boyfriend then and agree to marry him when he told me his intentions. I won’t lie, it has been great having his support, ”

    “Also, I still have one year before I graduate, and I still need his financial support. I feel so bad.”

    The classic definition of a user.

    This part killed me though: “My Ex has been begging me to leave my fiancé and come back to him, but this my boyfriend has no plans of marriage any time soon and has never offered to support me financially.”
    ?????????
    Because he is wise. You could have just admitted to using your fiance without trying to paint him as deranged. The man was stupid falling for you sure, but please, he’s not going to kill you. Guy’s rich. One year tops and he’ll have found another. Just let him go.

    “I have been calling him, he is not picking. ”

    Plot twist, he’s already let you go.

    • Anne

      May 21, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      ????but seriously you have said it all. Still laughing at the plot twist though????

    • EE or Elessaris El. Fan

      May 22, 2017 at 3:04 am

      Goodness where have you been! I’ve missed your comments.

    • Sisi

      May 22, 2017 at 12:53 pm

      She really is the perfect definition of a user. Her concerns are valid however know what she has done, she knows the person she is dealing with. Although she says he is not a bad man or woman beater she knows why she is having those thoughts. You’re thinking plot twist but the not picking calls could be the start of some drama this girl isn’t ready for. She knows what she needs to do. Sidenote neither your current atm or ex bf are the ones, you need to work on yourself before you start looking for any new/old relationship.

    • Oge Udoji

      May 22, 2017 at 4:40 pm

      Just let him be for 3 days and then approach him to apologize. tell him the truth, dont insult him by lying. Let him know the truth and the fact that you are not going back to your Ex but simply want to take on life by yourself.
      Stop using him.

      Note that your Ex doesnt love you. He cant love you and allow another be with you and pay your bills. From your explanation, what you feel for your Ex is lust, Sexual. its not love. Sex cannot guaranty you love or happy marriage so run like wild fire.

      My best advice to you is leave both men, hustle your way and later in future, you will find that man that deserves you. Most especially, you need GOD.

    • rita

      July 11, 2018 at 12:31 am

      UMMMM I totally I agree with your comment because often time we confuse lust with love thinking that you love this person only to realize later on that it was lust. People need to be careful with their feeling, your brain is what tells you the logic things while your heart which is feelings it tells you things that not right simply because you want to feel good. if I was her i will take your advice leave both man and work hard for yourself. Stop using other people as your source of success

  12. Fabulous

    May 21, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    Poster you’re a thief. You knew you didn’t love him, but you were comfortable spending his money. You don’t deserve him, so please keep it moving. And before you leave, don’t spend more money oh, before your greediness catches up with you.

  13. curious

    May 21, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    I am nt understanding. The stories in this section always sound unreal. Pls who else calls peoples name during sex? And besides if you are that scared of the guy. You should break up with him and get him to sign an undertaking at the police station. Please don’t leave things to chance. And make sure u apologize to him and try to make him understand that you are not just in anymore. Of course he won’t. But you would have tried.
    So back to my question who else calls peoples name during sex???? I can’t even do the do with you if my mind is somewhere else!

    • JUAN

      July 29, 2017 at 5:03 am

      i want to share a brief testimony of my story online for other readers like me to find who are also in the same situation i was before, meeting dr alexzander. my wife broke up with me and i read a article concerning this great man. then decided to try it out. i contacted him and all of my problem was no more. i have come to return all of my thanks to dr alexzander for saving my relationship and also to let the whole world know about him and his good deeds. contact him through this email alexzander high temple at gmail or browse him through his name alexzander high temple

  14. Bad gang

    May 21, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Ashawo! Ashawo!! Ashawo!!! Pls go and stand on the road were you belong

  15. sarah

    May 21, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    Babe the truth be told I’ve being in this same situation before, and believe me everything is a matter of your mind, and your ability to communicate. For me I went back to my sex 3 times, yes 3 times but my fiancé was too in love with me to give up on me. But I had to deal with the issues myself so this is what I did , I had to evaluate my relationship with both my Ex and my fiancé , my ex wasn’t ready for marriage, won’t support me financially, nor invest in my family,and all of it but the evaluation helped me deliberating give up the love I had for my EX, it was a conscious thing, you just need to remind yourself of how much sacrifice your fiancé is giving because of you, not because he can’t do for other women but because he sees you as part of him,and for him being old school, its your duty as a woman to make him trendy. My ex was the gym/workout person and when I go over his, we go to the gym together, and we also go for road work too. These were what my man wasn’t doing then but in the mist of us sorting out our differences, and what we wanted, I told him all the things my Ex do that his not doing and I want him to do, and believe me not a week pass we don’t go to the gym from Monday to Friday. Just talk,for me and my man communication is key, just say. It goes alone way to help your relationship. And finally his too obsessed with you cause to him you are priceless and that’s why he wants to guide you for himself by all mean. But if you still want your Ex it’s up to you to decide. And also before you judge your man put yourself in his place. For just one day be him, and think of what you would do if his you,and you are him.

  16. Trina

    May 21, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Hey, pray, be positive and you should consider being single without going back. Lastly find God. You need to believe you can make it on your own without selling your body. Since the guy wants out, let him do the breaking up. Or break up, Tell him the truth, you have been trying to forget your ex because he is a good man but you don’t think you were ready for anything serious. Don’t go back to your ex either…

  17. Kinky

    May 21, 2017 at 9:56 pm

    Bn commenters will not kill me. Dear poster I think u need to have a hrt to hrt talk with ur fiance, apologize to him, if he is a good person he will forgive. Invite elderly ones, because once u r married u can’t pretend forever. Also think abt building urself and not relying on support from others.

  18. caramel chic

    May 21, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    WAIT!! hold up! Why we all complicating things. I don’t see amything wrong if a woman decides to marry a guy for his money.

    I don’t see why that is a sin. I think what this lady needs to realise is marrying for money doesn’t answer all her problems. Is she ready to handle life if the money runs out or hubby has a bad business deal ( all those whose parents have gone through the same thing say amen) haha

    She needs to maybe question why she still wants to go back with her ex.?? Is it a case of she just feels more connected with him? Or maybe she has opened her heart to him. Personally I thing she just needs to cultivate a deeper realtionship with the hubbby to be. However she appears not to understand how to develop a serious relationship. Her ex relationship appears to be highly emotional. Rather than practical.. Also to all those commenting, since when does marryng for money make you an ashawo? If your mum was born in lagos during the 1940’s. You may wanna ask her some questions on why she married your father. For many being a provider was at the top of the list. I don;t see a problem with that. I personally wouldn’t use that as my main choice but for many that is theres.

    • Cocolette

      May 22, 2017 at 1:10 am

      Nothing wrong with marrying for money. What’s wrong with this poster here is that she doesn’t intend to marry this guy, she only wants to milk him for her remaining one year in school and then possibly go back to her ex

  19. Papacy

    May 21, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Lol. I am inclined to ask how old you are. It’s possible you’re at that stage in your life were you need to just step back and realize what you want exactly.
    You can’t eat your cake and have it. You also won’t like to go back to an ex whose plans for you aren’t solid.
    You like sex with your fiance but you scream another man’s name during sex?
    See eh, you need to sit down somewhere and talk to yourself. I think you can logically set yourself straight. It’s OK to be confused. Just do something good with it .

  20. www.thelmathinks.com

    May 21, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    Honest question; please was this written by Nkem or sent in by a poster? I’m getting really confused and annoyed by all these new mind games on Bella Naija. If it’s a true story sent by a reader then I don’t see the need to add Nkem’ s bio at the bottom of the post. I mean, you’ve already mentioned at the top that it’s curated by Nkem so…. And if it’s written by Nkem then why don’t you just allow her to write fiction for the website or something? Anyways goodnight o! Rant over. Can’t be thinking and analyzing and ‘opinioning’ and commenting on what might be the product of someone’s imagination .

  21. Chinny

    May 22, 2017 at 9:25 am

    This matter is really very simple! She should choose; money and commitment or poverty without commitment. Obviously, she knows on which side her bread is buttered. She’s just a user.

  22. imustdropacomment

    May 22, 2017 at 10:19 am

    child: Mummy Pls may i have some more cake?
    Mum: But you just had 2 slices….don’t be greedy
    World: Wicked mum can’t give her child more cake
    Reality: Parents should try to teach their children contentment………drum it (with words, little or no smacking) into their children to avoid stories like this tat touch the heart.

    madam, if you want your ex…pls go to him and leave the other guy alone…you are being selfish and you will end up ruining the life of a guy that could have found happiness with some one else just cos of GREED.

  23. Mr klaus

    December 24, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    You sound stupid and selfish. look @ your excuses? You prefer sex with your ex and like his person while your fiancee is awkward. Old skool ni, old skool ko. he is your Maga.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Star Features

Recent Posts

Get The Pan-Atlantic Advantage

Advertisement
css.php