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BN Confession Box: My Business Plan Failed, Now My Boyfriend Has Turned His Back On Me

Nkem Ndem

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Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a new feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem. The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

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My boyfriend and I have not been talking for weeks now. He is not picking my calls. His friends are not even giving me any tangible answer about him, either. I am frustrated that he is doing this to me… the one time I need him the most.

We had another fight over my failed business; this time, I told him he was a useless boyfriend who could not even support his girlfriend financially. I compared him with my best friend’s boyfriend. I did not mean it, it was just at the heat of the moment. He can be very judgmental, and can go on and on about one’s mistake forever. I just wanted to shut him up and make him feel bad a little, like I have been feeling.

We have been dating since S.S.2 and have never for once broken up till now. And it is a long time, because we are now in our final year in Uni. We have plans of getting married and all, but sometimes I don’t know how that will pan out, because he does not seem to be ambitious at all.

I like that he is content with who he is, but he never ever wants more.I do… and I am not as patient as him. Late last year, my friend introduced me the human hair business. She had been selling human hair for a while and was making it. Also, she always looked glam. I, on the other hand, had been looking for a business I could do. I had become tired of charging others to do their seminar papers, course work and even project for them. It was a lucrative business, but so boring and exhausting. This is why when my friend mentioned to me that she would be growing her business as she had found a new and trustworthy guy who could supply original authentic hair at half the price she usually purchased them, I decided to jump in and try the business for myself too.

Of course I told my boyfriend about it – because we tell each other everything. I told him I intended to use the money my parents sent to me for my fees and feeding for the entire semester, as capital; and I would pay my school fees once I make my first few sales. To me it was a foolproof plan, but being the pessimist, or rather realist as he likes to say he is, my boyfriend said I shouldn’t go into the business, because the chances of it backfiring was too high. He said I should wait for my friend to try the guy first and if it works, maybe I can try during the second batch with her.

My problem with that plan was that by the second batch, I wouldn’t have the seed money, because I would have had to pay my school fees, and I did not have any other source for such a capital. He insisted it was too much of a risk and I should stop being so ambitious. We even fought over it, but I was determined. I have always been more daring and like my mother always say “you have to take the risk to join the millionaires”.

Unfortunately, the new guy that my friend said was trustworthy duped us. I couldn’t even blame my friend because she too was duped of bigger money than I was. Of course my boyfriend jubilated over the loss, because it gave him the chance to say: ‘I told you so‘.

He said I should not look to him to me get out of the financial mess because I dug my grave with my own hands and I already know he does not have money. My friend’s boyfriend had been very supportive of my friend, sharing what he had and hustling to help her bounce back and all, but my case was different. My own boyfriend would still even come over to my apartment off-campus and eat without dropping much money.

Yes, I know he is not from a wealthy home, but not for once has he ever tried to suggest a solution or has he even said, manage this 5k – knowing fully well I have to pay my fees soon. I don’t have the money and I cannot even tell my parents stories.

The last fight we had, he was nagging about it all again, criticizing me and I was fed up, so I lashed back at him. I am so bitter and depressed right now. Even though I know he can’t help financially, I still love him. I need that emotional support at least right now. I feel like the one person who is supposed to be my pillar has turned his back on me. I know I should have been the wife material and listened to him. But now that the damage is already done. Why is he doing this? I am so depressed.

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Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Wavebreakmedia Ltd | Dreamstime.com

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

18 Comments

  1. Weezy

    June 12, 2017 at 1:35 am

    I find it very suspicious that the writers of these confessions sound (or write) exactly the same.

    • Simisola

      June 12, 2017 at 3:48 am

      Are you saying BellaNaija is messing with us,?

    • Cynic

      June 12, 2017 at 7:05 am

      @weezy. I don’t think they sound the same…but then it is edited by the same person, so maybe that’s why. @BN you should be sending the screen grab of the emails like Joro and BOM if you want people to stop asking these questions.

  2. jane

    June 12, 2017 at 3:56 am

    i think the writer took such an expensive risk…how could you use your school fees as capital with no other source of income or collateral as a back up plan? Why risk dropping out of school or having issues with your parents because you were looking at your friend’s progress? That does not make any sense. The problem is not with your boyfriend. He warned you and you didnt listen. So now he has to pay your bills because of what? No..you need to stop comparing your life to someone else’s. The grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe what you need to do is water your own. I suggest you dont use this situation to destroy the ‘potential’ in your relationship. Afterall all fingers are not equal. Start by going back to your parents and confessing this error. It wont be easy but it is the best situation instead of running around and borrow school fees. .Makeup with your boyfriend and focus on yourself and your schooling. When you get a real job,save money for capital towards a legitimate business with someone you know instead of ‘he said,she said’…I hope this helps…

    • Anne

      June 26, 2017 at 5:15 pm

      Your friend has been doing the business, then got duped at a point but you were just starting out after being warned by your boyfriend who knows he does not have the means to help you bounce back. You can’t therefore compare your friend’s relationship to yours. When a poor man is warning you seriously, you need to read in between the lines. My final answer is this; no human being knows everything. The one you think is good for you today may harm you tomorrow and vice versa. Go and ask God. He knows whom He set aside for you on this side of eternity to help fulfill your destiny. Youths these days are beginning to put popular opinion over God’s decision.

  3. Dee

    June 12, 2017 at 6:12 am

    Both the girl nd boyfriend,are wrong. Don’t eva compare your man to another.and if u comparing him, it means his all u said he is in the moment of anger. And the boyfriend isn’t supportive either, you don’t have to booo her to herface. Only a simple encouragement will help her bounce back.

  4. That African Chic

    June 12, 2017 at 6:18 am

    Too.many inconsistencies, first of all you had a lucrative business of writing project work etc, whatever happened to the money from that? Also can’t you get back into it to raise money for your fees?

    Secondly no ambitious woman will say ‘I should have been a wife material and listened to him’

    Is the confession box sent in by readers or it is written by NKem ? Because the stories all sound ridiculous

  5. mouth mouth

    June 12, 2017 at 6:36 am

    MAKE GOD YOUR PILLAR AND STOP RELYING ON PEOPLE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, BE AS HARD AS A STEEL AND LEARN TO PLANT ALONE TO ALLOW GOD TO RAIN ON YOUR SEED . THE JOURNEY HAS ALWAYS BEEN SELF AND NOT OURSELVES . YOU DEFINITELY HAVE NOT LEARNT ANY LESSON IN LIFE. THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL TO DO IT IN A SMALL SCALE AND ALONE . GOD IS SHOWING YOU A LESSON

  6. Wana

    June 12, 2017 at 7:02 am

    Leave your boyfriend out of that.
    You dug your grave with your own hand.
    Besides he’s your BOYFRIEND not your HUSBAND…

  7. Deleke

    June 12, 2017 at 8:02 am

    I was waiting for the part you would say ‘oh out of desperation, I carried aristo behind my man’s back’ or something!!!
    Mo sorry, this is not a confession

  8. Jade

    June 12, 2017 at 8:51 am

    I understand your drive and ambition, I was like that in Uni, even now in the workforce i still sell stuff, shit happens embrace this failure and learn from it. As per your boyfriend, i think you should leave him, you deserve better than someone who kicks you while you’re down. He doesn’t have money but he can support you in other ways like; console you, prop you up, pray with and for you and not this nonsense. Tell your parents the truth, at least you didn’t spend the money on stupid stuff

  9. mz_danielz

    June 12, 2017 at 10:13 am

    Tell your parents the truth. Babes, they will not kill you.

    You invested money and lost, that’s all. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself or anyone.

  10. Papermoon

    June 12, 2017 at 12:06 pm

    I think that boyfriend must go……..then you deal with your parents and your debt.

  11. Can't tolerate idiocracy

    June 12, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    John your stupidity is unforgivable!

  12. misskay

    June 19, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    boyfriends should not give money, now they shouldn’t give support… what then is a boy friend for these days?? social media standards kwa!!

  13. Mrs chidukane

    June 19, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    You want to marry an unambitious ,judgemental , non supportive man whose current behavior your hate? Good luck with that.

    • Joke

      August 9, 2018 at 8:28 pm

      God bless you! You hit the nail right on the head!

  14. Karen

    October 3, 2018 at 11:30 am

    Men of these days they are so greedy but the main problem is you can count on your Partner at all period

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