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BN Confession Box: I Do Not Regret Aborting the Baby

Nkem Ndem

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Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem.

The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.

***
My mind has been on the telephone fight I had with a man that calls himself my fiance over an abortion. He kept shouting “I can’t believe you killed my baby” over and over again to try and make me feel bad; but to be honest, I cannot even be bothered. I’m done. I know I made the right decision and his stupid rants are just a way to vindicate himself. This same man shouting and sounding as if he is pained is the same one that went missing in action after I told him about the pregnancy. He refused to pick up my calls or respond to my messages for 2 months. And finally, when I text his mother to let her know that I have taken off the baby, since their son has blocked me, he calls to start forming I had no right to abort his baby. Imagine!

We met last year August while he was visiting home. He lives in South Africa and comes to Nigeria at least 3 times a year. We fell in love and he told me I was the one he has been searching for all his life. He spent 3 weeks that August and traveled back. We kept in touch and all. He promised me that he would see my parents on his next visit and that we would spend lovers day together. February came and he visited as promised.

He spent another 3 weeks and since I was convinced he was the man I was about to marry, I agreed to be very intimate with him, no protection or anything. My intention was not to get pregnant, but it happened.

I was very happy when I found about the pregnancy and I called him to share the news. His first comment was: “so what do you want to do about it?” I was shocked. I think he felt ashamed after I refused to say anything so he now claimed that he did not want me to abort, that he would inform his parents and they would come and do the knocking…and like a fool, I believed.

Unfortunately, that was the last time I heard from him. He stopped taking my calls, refused to respond to my texts and messages, meanwhile, he was updating his Facebook and was always online on Whatsapp. It was a very depressing period for me. I cried, I prayed, I even begged his family to talk to him. I tried everything I could for 2 solid months. I was afraid my stomach would start showing, so I did the only thing left for me to do. I aborted the baby.

The day I did the abortion, I was very scared; not because I was losing the baby, but for my life. I only sent his mother a message about the abortion out of respect. I even regret doing that now, because if I had just kept it to myself, he would not have known and he would not be making all this noise now. Despite what the hypocrite says sha, I refuse to feel guilty about the abortion.

***
Do you have any confession you would like to make or shocking tale you’ld like to tell? Please send your story to features(at)bellanaija(dot)com.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Jeffrey Banke

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for copywriting, editing and proofreading. She is also a content creator (web, T.V, radio) who has had stints with Jumia and SpiceTV Africa e.t.c. Now she works at Glam Africa as Online editor and BellaNaija as Features writer. E-mail: [email protected]; IG: @kem_dem; Twitter: @ndemv

51 Comments

  1. Iris

    July 10, 2017 at 1:02 am

    I guess you don’t have to feel guilty about the abortion. However, if it was not your intention to get pregnant in the first place, why not use protection for crying out loud? ‘It wasn’t your intention but it happened’ as if it was “intention’s” fault. In 2017 how can we still be taking these stupid risks and just hoping for the best?
    So are you still going to marry him? That’s what i am more interested in knowing.

    • The Real Oma

      July 10, 2017 at 11:27 am

      Like she did not even think of STDs, na wow, and this incurable gonorrhea going around?
      People take risks mhen.

    • Sandoria

      July 11, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      You read tru my mind….. wah on earth is its wasn’t my intention but it happened” without protection…..blah.

  2. JustBeingHonest

    July 10, 2017 at 1:06 am

    There is no justification, you murdered a child. If you had said you were having financial challenges, it would have been understandable, but you obviously felt you would be shamed for being a single mom. Forget the guy here, you murdered an innocent child who had nothing to do with whatever it was that was going on in your relationship. But since you feel no remorse about what you’ve done, who am i to judge you. Just keep it in mind you killed a foetus who never wronged u. #My50Cents

    • Jide

      July 10, 2017 at 9:48 am

      She terminated a foetus. She did not “murder” a “child”. A foetus is no more a child than the sperm cells that were contained in the semen I flushed down the toilet after my masturbation session this morning.

  3. Regret

    July 10, 2017 at 1:11 am

    16 years later, it is still very solid in my memory. I regret it so bad and wish I was not scared of the shame I would have faced. Abortion is not worth it. I was a young, ignorant girl and was following the crowd. Now, I’ve been married 4 1/2 years and have not been able to conceive. The devil has tormented me with my past and I have blamed myself. I have repented and my husband knows but it weighs heavy on my heart. It is not worth it. If you are contemplating it, please don’t do it. It is a scar on your heart that will always be there.

    • tunmi

      July 10, 2017 at 2:03 am

      It’s not the devil. Consult your ob/gyn and have both you and your spouse tested.

      And forgive yourself. Our minds have a way of punishing us. You’ve punished yourself enough

    • You'll be fine

      July 10, 2017 at 3:39 am

      You need to stop thinking about what happened in your past. You dwelling on it may be what is causing a delay in your conception. Free your mind and watch things change for good for you. Remain positive.

    • Anony

      July 10, 2017 at 8:55 am

      I’ve had 2 abortions at 21 and 23.

      I was very confused during those periods of my life and despite all my contraceptives, I still got pregnant and had an abortion.

      I used to feel sooo guilty until my elder sister asked me why I was punishing myself unnecessarily. God has forgiven me and I was to forgive myself.

      I began to pray and I realized that guilt in itself is sometimes a manifestation of selfishness; we want to serve penance for a wrong we believe we committed; God can’t just forgive us like that. Holding unto guilt also makes us feel we are better than others. Afteall, we feel guilty not like the bad girlie that just moved on

    • bea

      July 10, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      If it makes you feel any better, I have never committed an abortion before an I have being trying to conceive for way longer than you have. But I am a mother to two wonderful children

      Abeg you in God’s name snap out of it fast. It is not even of God.
      The scriptures says old thing have passed away and all things have become new.
      It says his mercies are new every day. so if you have repented his new mercies have overcome the past error.

      Plus there are so many people who did not abort their own children (birth them out of wedlock) yet do not have children in the currents home. Also prostitutes get pregnant and abort everyday. Personally my aunt told me she committed abortion over 13 times, yet she got married twice and had children in both marriages.

      abeg snap out of it fast so you don’t even give your hubby any excuse for putting the blame on you in future. Like someone seek medical help and if any damage was done to you in the process of the abortion find an alternative solution. IVF, Surrogacy etc.

      we are in 2017

    • Anon

      July 10, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      I wonder if the regret would be so profound if you had children now? Is the immense regret because you had an abortion 16 years ago or is it because you are struggling to conceive now and you feel that’s your punishment for having an abortion?

    • Sandoria

      July 11, 2017 at 7:29 pm

      The devil has nothing on you….youre a new creature your past is over. please look to the cross, God is gracious towards you! You’ll have a baby… you’ll have babies!

  4. Queen of Sheba

    July 10, 2017 at 1:15 am

    My dearest you don’t have to feel guilty, all you need is to ask God for forgiveness and forgive yourself and that man who caused you this pain, cos sincerely even if you don’t want to admit it, you know in your heart that you’ve erred not just against yourself but against God & that child.
    God loves you soooo much and don’t EVER put yourself in a pity situation that will make you love anyone to the extent of repeating this mistake. And while you’re @ forgiveness and all, pls don’t forget to love you and more of you!

  5. Iya ibeji

    July 10, 2017 at 1:16 am

    Hahaha …..
    If you don’t care about hypocrites and don’t feel guilty, please explain why you feel the need to confess. Both you and your fiance are unserious people! You had unprotected sex without the intention of getting pregnant and when you found out you were happy? Its only if you want to get pregnant that your initial response to pregnancy is happiness.
    Stop having unprotected sex, pregnancy is nothing compared to STDs, incurable ones !!!

    • Jide

      July 10, 2017 at 9:53 am

      Because she wants to share her story.

  6. tunmi

    July 10, 2017 at 2:03 am

    Good for you!

    Get tested and please practice safe sex

  7. .

    July 10, 2017 at 2:20 am

    1. You are wicked
    2. You are a monster
    3. You are a murderer
    4. You are foolish
    5. You are undeserving of a uterus
    6. You need psychiatric evaluation
    7. You will never know peace for killing an innocent baby who had nothing to do with your foolishness unless you beg the creator of life for forgiveness

    • Mee

      July 10, 2017 at 5:46 am

      Wow. So you really believe that the creator of life wants you to say this to the poster? You believe that the creator of life sees the poster as a monster and undeserving of life? I’m asking because that is not the same creator of life that I know from the old and new testaments o. Maybe you know another one…

    • ***

      July 10, 2017 at 10:07 am

      The creator of life likes a contrite heart, something the murderer doesn’t give a hoot about… the creator of life I know is a God of justice and hates pride and arrogance… the creator of life I know wants us to accept when we sin and ask for forgiveness … so I don’t know the one you know

    • Toese

      July 10, 2017 at 1:24 pm

      You seem to be the ‘runaway boyfriend’

    • funmilola

      July 10, 2017 at 10:29 pm

      Judge of life…. mercy and love fall on you.

    • Didi

      July 17, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      She Did a bad thing but who r u to judge her so badly. Instead advice her to repent and seek God. Only Him knows what u Don do for back. Perhaps ur a bad as fornicator!

    • tee

      October 9, 2017 at 12:41 pm

      You are foolish. Silly Judgmental human being, I bet you’ve done worse things in your life, yet you come here to put someone down. You and all the people that liked your sick comment are sick just like you.

  8. Ottawa Queen

    July 10, 2017 at 2:36 am

    One should have regrets for the wrong decision ‘s and choices they make in their lives.

    • You'll be fine

      July 10, 2017 at 3:42 am

      Ok? So they should live with the regret forever? What about people forgiving themselves and letting go of the pain that comes with regret so they can heal and be better people? Your comment comes across as insensitive. Have some sympathy please.

  9. Meeee

    July 10, 2017 at 2:41 am

    His mother did not need to know.

  10. Lol

    July 10, 2017 at 4:16 am

    You did the right thing. A child deserves to come into the world loved by his or her parents and into a sane environment. I wonder why some people come into other people’s lives just to hurt them. Maybe he was a gay guy looking for a child for his parents. Wicked and cursed lots sometimes. I hope you find peace and move on. Please block him and his useless family. God will repay you for your loss. It is well.

    • Lol

      July 10, 2017 at 4:18 am

      A friend of mine got pregnant and was violently hurt by her so called boyfriend. The guy even scammed her on top and ghosted. So many mad people running around. Yes she aborted and moved on. I supported her. Geez, a seed of a scammer, thief and mad man.

  11. Wise up

    July 10, 2017 at 6:10 am

    This is for young girls and women please- do not have sexual relationship with any guy that has not married you. Some of these men are the devil in disguise, wolf in sheep’s clothing etc These demons have destroyed so many promising lives.

    I once knew a guy that promised me the world, we spoke about marriage and about how many kids we want. This dude told me I was his ride or die that he can’t live without me. He always introduced me as his future wife every where we go. My head swelled and I fell madly in love with his words. He kept pushing sex on me, I even felt guilty for refusing him sex and then I decided to give him a little leeway and it was a disaster. I actually thought I was pregnant because I was having pregnancy symptoms but I was not pregnant. When I told him that I think I might be pregnant, this dude turned into someone else, I didn’t know he could be cold as he was, he basically ignored me like the poster’s boyfriend. He became rude and condescending.

    Forget what society think about you being single or not married yet, your peace of mind, dignity, and self worth is more precious than gold. And always pray, be sincere with God, he is your creator he knows you inside and out.

  12. Made

    July 10, 2017 at 6:21 am

    Every time I hear or see a post or anything relating to abortion or an abandoned baby, I just think about all those TTC but can’t…it saddens me honestly. I think the poster aborted the baby to get back at the guy otherwise she won’t have told his mother of her intention and of course, selfish reasons too cos she didn’t want to start showing. While she doesn’t feel bad or anything now, she’ll definitely feel the consequences maybe now, maybe later because no sinner will go unpunished. I wish her the best.

  13. Lol

    July 10, 2017 at 6:46 am

    Men God forgives because he is an ever forgiving God! Don’t feel bad just make sure to not have sex roll you re married. The stress of unprotected sex is not worth it

  14. prochoice

    July 10, 2017 at 7:21 am

    I’m definitely pro choice. Maybe if we legalise abortion, we won’t have to hear sad stories of babies getting dumped in gutters or of girls dying because they had to go to quacks to remove a pregnancy for fear of getting caught. I’m not a monster. I just believe that a child deserves to be born under good circumstances and i’m also smart enough to know that a zygote isn’t yet a foetus, talkless of a baby. People should also learn to practice safe sex. For the regret poster above, God/devil isn’t punishing you. You are the one punishing yourself. I had an abortion when I was 19 with my parents’ consent and i’m married with 2 kids now. Forgive yourself and see a gyno!

    • ***

      July 10, 2017 at 10:03 am

      That zygote has life in it… first stage of human life which grows to a foetus then a baby … you terminate a zygote, you terminate life

    • Nee

      July 11, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      The first stage of life is a cell, actually. Human cells are the most basic unit of human life. So people crying about zygotes here can think about that the next time they peel their dead skin or menstruate or masturbate.

  15. Mbe

    July 10, 2017 at 8:03 am

    You couldnt even use postinor2 after unprotected sex and you said it wasnt your intention. Anumanu, maybe you are also stupid. Na Utali i suppose use chase you and your stupid confession comot BN. Mkpi ausa.

    • Jide

      July 10, 2017 at 9:54 am

      You are dumb as hell. Go and ask your mother why she couldn’t use postinor 2 because I’m fairly certain you weren’t planned by your parents.

  16. chi

    July 10, 2017 at 8:31 am

    Yes, she made a mistake. Should she die because of this? No. Aunty, move on with your life. God is the only one who forgives and he has forgiven, i suggest you make peace with your spirit and move on. All the people here insulting the confessor, that is why she is confessing anonymously. There is no greater sin, sin is sin. This is not to encourage promiscuity but sometimes, shit happens and you don’t even know where to start from or who to run to especially in a country like ours where you can’t even get good counselling without the judgement. Should she have a child for a runaway man? Raising a child is a big deal. I don’t support abortion but some situations are just hard

  17. beebee

    July 10, 2017 at 8:31 am

    please go test for HIV, Nigerian guys here sleep with around like no business. A Nigerian man in S.A does not let a skirt pass by without trying, its disgusting… most Nigerian man I mean.

  18. Anonymous

    July 10, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Just reading through the Judgy McJudgy comments and I can’t believe we are crucifying a woman for the choice she made that would be best for her. This attitude is why people have babies and dump them in gutters/refuse dumps/toilets and claim the babies died.
    She made a mistake because she loved someone and had unprotected sex. A mistake that many are guilty of.
    I am pro abortion. It is better that, than to bring a child into the world when you are ready for it, She could even take out her resentment on the baby.
    My dear, kudos to you for making the right decision for yourself. I certainly hope you do not have any STDs from him. Even if you do, it is not the end of the world. Chin Up!!

  19. Tolu4show

    July 10, 2017 at 9:22 am

    I learned later in life that you can believe in grace and karma at the same time. They are mutually exclusive. That’s the devil playing a trick on you. When the bible said OLD things are past away and all things are new, it includes renewing your mind. You can’t afford to think that because you had an abortion that is why you have not conceived. Grace doesn’t permit that.
    This comment is for @regret

  20. Tolu4show

    July 10, 2017 at 9:24 am

    Sorry i mean , you can’t *

  21. Asa

    July 10, 2017 at 9:40 am

    I would like for you to regret your actions. Not so that you can kill yourself over it but just so that you can genuinely ask God for forgiveness. I know how much you might have worried about birthing an illegitimate child. I mean, I know that’s one thing that can just kill my Mother if she hears it. I know how an abortion seemed like the only thing, till fate i wonder if I had gotten pregnant for my spineless ex what I would have done. But I bless God for saving me so many times from that possibility, some days I took postinor, some days it was just pure Grace that saved me. But the deed is done and it is not in man’s place to condemn you. But please regret it enought o be heartbroken over it, enough to ask God for forgiveness. Be bothered, not because of your ex and his family, be bothered because it is sin. Ask God for forgiveness and move on with life but please be bothered.

  22. nene

    July 10, 2017 at 9:41 am

    the smarted thing you did was the abortion. i find it hard to believe you didn’t want to get pregnant. you dodged a bullet!

  23. Elizabeth

    July 10, 2017 at 11:29 am

    I was in the wrong place. From a broken home. Desperate to be loved and didn’t quite care what happened to me. I fell in with the wrong sorts. Found my self with a paedophile (whose actually in a UK jail for raping young girls). I found out I was pregnant, the way he treated me i knew I couldn’t keep it. I ended up aborting it. Many years later found out he was divorced with two boys, remarried with his wife in another country and was a teacher going round UK and the globe abusing children. And was foolish enough to leave it on his machines, discs, computers and hard drive. He never thought he would get caught I guess. But now he’s in prison. What would I have told the child if I’d kept it of the lagacy of the Father. A convicted paedophile. A rapist? A groomer of young girls? Really. I understand what i did was wrong and i take full responsibility of all of my foolishness then. But if faced with the same situation I would have tried to love myself that little bit more and not give up on my life to become an easy prey to such an individual.

  24. e mi ni

    July 10, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    jide – she terminated a child. calling it a foetus is a term oyinbo people have used to deceive you and make you dissociate from the fact that it is a baby that has been made.
    The miracle of conception means that once a sperm connects with an egg and a child is being formed, life has already begun, that the child is not fully developed, does not mean life has not begun. It is far more than the sperm you flushed down the toilet this morning. Within one week the brain is forming, within 3 weeks the heart starts to beat.
    There is absolutely no justification for abortion. It is evil and it is murder of a harmless, vulnerable and defenseless child.
    Poster if you dont feel guilty that is your prerogative. I pray God has mercy upon you and convicts you.

    • Anon

      July 10, 2017 at 1:05 pm

      The concept of foetus is oyibo? But the concept of “miracle of conception” is also oyibo. I’m Catholic so I appreciate the pro life argument, but Nigerians should stop picking and choosing at western culture when most of what you do and know is shaped by it. Oyibo is so evil, yet you’re typing in English, using their phone technology and worshipping the God they brought to you.

    • Jide

      July 11, 2017 at 2:56 pm

      It is you and your mother that are evil. Dumb broad. A sperm cell is also a life. Typical sentimental nonsense that Nigerians like to spew. Do you also care about life when you kill defenseless goats and chickens so you can eat meat? Garbage logic.

  25. Omoh

    July 10, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    @Regret, please look up rachelsvineyard.org.uk/. I do not know if we have such forums in Nigeria to help deal with the trauma of abortion and for those claiming the baby in the womb is a fetus only, please appreciate that human life is in stages, fetus… new born… toddler… adolescence… at all of these stages, you are human with life.

  26. God is gracious

    July 11, 2017 at 8:04 pm

    Just recently I got home to visit my folks and I found out a childhood friend around the block was pregnant. The shock on my face was inevitable. Like really, wetin happen to postinor 2 based on you tot it was that sweet without protection. Mind you I haven’t had sex almost a year as I chosen to be a mermaid. Not like I know better, it’s a decision I’ve chose to.
    So back to the childhood friend…… immediately I saw her, I quickly remembered wah my Pastor has preached the previous day, for us to be gracious with our speeches towards pple and if we don’t have anything good to say to somebody we shouldn’t speak. So I kept quiet and gave her the biggest hug ever. Wasn’t upto 15mins she started narrating her story to me….she met this man, nice and very caring and well equipped for marriage so she tot. He didn’t take some long to tell her his intention which was to get married and settle with her. They went as far as visiting her family, he even gave her money for asoebi, her materials and all that. Preparation was on going. She got pregnant along the line sins they were getting married anyways she didn’t panic. She happily informed him and that was the last time she set her eyez on him. She went to his family and told them the situation and all tat but he was still no where to be found and nobody was willing to offer any help.
    At this point I asked myself okay wah happened to abortion….. then she added that she even got an address for abortion and went there to have it done. On two occasions her brother and sister have called her without knowing her plans o. Just called her to warn her not to have an abortio as they were ready to take responsibilities.
    Till today she hasn’t heard from him and that’s how my friend is an expecting single mother.
    But in the midst of all this, I remembered again wah my Pastor once said… every child has a purpose, your purpose might be to bring the child into the world. If it has happened it’s has happened!!! God is a gracious God.

  27. sissy

    June 26, 2018 at 12:54 pm

    hmm this makes me feel bad as i have a case in my hand right now. a girl in my area is pregnant and wants to abort it because of financial issues and she dosent know who is responsible for her pregnancy. am confused what to advice her as i am not financially buoyant to take care of her.

  28. Karen

    October 3, 2018 at 11:16 am

    And you are right some women fight for abortion so many years before .Men are really something else they are manipulation’s masters, always trying blame anybody but themselves. Such a pity!

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