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Women should quit provoking their men – Monalisa Chinda Coker on Domestic Violence | WATCH

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Nollywood actress Monalisa Chinda Coker has said based on her research, in half the cases of domestic violence, women are to blame.

She said this while speaking on Okey Bakassi‘s “The Other News” – a satirical news show – on Channels TV.

The host, Okey Bakassi quoted a speech by the Lagos State Commissioner of Women Affairs Lola Akande which says “Negligence, infidelity, sophistication, misguided utterances, verbal insults, and gullibility on the part of women drive domestic violence.”

He asked the actress what she thought about the quote and she said she agreed with it. She said:

As much as I detest all forms of violence against women and men […] women should quit provoking their men into punches and slaps and all kinds of things.

She continued, saying as someone who follows stories of domestic violence, she always researches into it, and has found that women are to blame for half the cases.

See the video below:

49 Comments

  1. Lizzie

    September 13, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    The ignorance rankles. Educate yourself before making a spectacle of yourself in public next time Monalisa. It’s 2017, do better!

    • ND babe

      September 15, 2017 at 2:02 am

      What happens when you try to justify your existence. Please stop parading as an ambassador of something that still has you as its slave. You have to experience real love and a non-abusive relationship. What you just offered is ridiculous. What if your daughter showed up with her front teeth missing and one eye blinded, and she told you she called her husband a bloody idiot and the result was all that deformity. Would you ask her why she called him a bloody idiot? Wont you start wondering why a man will use all his muscle on a woman to the point of causing bodily harm because of spoken words? Try to put yourself in people’s shoes first.

  2. Wow

    September 13, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    [sigh] Another idiot bites the dust. No! stop blaming the victims (whether male or female). Learn to have self control. People get provoked daily by police, bosses etc. Why don’t they go about beating them? Next time Monalisa, when asked such questions, just say no comment abeg.

  3. Ben

    September 13, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    Monalisa Chinda sit there and be running your mouth like radio without transmission. No one, be ye male or female should be blamed for provoking anyone for abusing them. Domestic violence in any form is evil and unacceptable. May you not disturb our peace one day with stories that touch the heart.

  4. Udegbunam Chukwudi

    September 13, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    ?????‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️

  5. Nancy

    September 13, 2017 at 11:11 pm

    When your child provokes you by telling you are stupid then just walk away and have self control. If you beat the child it’s not correction it’s domestic violence against a child. Call a spade a spade, some women cannot talk back at their boss IN boss office but when they get home and their husbands says a word they wash them down in few seconds. Amend your ways.

    • Susie

      September 14, 2017 at 12:03 am

      Dear Nancy aka Monalisa: cut the BS. Women are not children. That is why every civilized society allows discipline of children but prohibits beating a grown, adult woman. If she annoys you that much, you can always leave. Meanwhile, men are equally able to control themselves when provoked by a boss or soldier so quit babying them. Desperate women like you don’t encourage men to be their best selves as you are so busy coddling them always in hopes that you will win their adoration. That’s why they will always mistreat you. Quit being a pick me.

    • Smh

      September 14, 2017 at 6:02 am

      Nancy, a capital dunce is what you are! Why don’t men come down from their car and fight mopol where they annoy or abuse them?why don’t they beat ip their bosses at work when they provoke them? Since when did a woman have the same status as a child? If you don’t have anything meaningful to say I suggest you shut up

  6. kkay

    September 13, 2017 at 11:35 pm

    Monalisa, so you provoked your first husband, Dejo-Richardness to DV? You should’ve stayed with him and controlled your “provocations’.
    Sometimes when you open your mouth, I think that your extreme light-complexion has *tampered’ with your brain.

    • Sade Twyse

      September 14, 2017 at 12:01 am

      I didn’t even see this before I recalled her marriage to Dejo. Asunu + Abunu = monalisa chinda

    • BEAUTIFUL

      September 14, 2017 at 1:34 pm

      Thank you jare @kkay you have said it all. I watched her on this episode open her idiotic mouth to spew rubbish.. and this is somebody I thought had some little brain with her only for her to disappoint.. someone in her second or 3rd marriage o .. even Okey was surprised at what she said..

  7. Sade Twyse

    September 14, 2017 at 12:00 am

    Eh ya. I guess she was hebone provoking Dejo Richards her ex husband that nearly killed her with punches. Did t she suffer a miscarriage from his pummeling? I hope Mona Lisa that now you have learned to not provoke Mr Coker. Cos if I see you with bandage or black eyes, on top that I will personally flog you for provoking him.

  8. Linda

    September 14, 2017 at 12:03 am

    Another one who has tarnished the word luxury like Amaka.

    LUXURY Talk Show
    I remember when she was promoting this or some other show. It was luxury this luxury that

    Mschewwww. Abegi

  9. Susie

    September 14, 2017 at 12:20 am

    Some of these women love to throw other women under the bus, thinking that will win them favor from men. Ladies, when God uplifts you, use your platform to speak for other vulnerable women, don’t use it to push them down, thinking that will make you go far. Many female CEOs are like this… they get to the top & begin giving all female subordinates hell.

    By the way, since it’s all a woman’s fault, why wasn’t Mona able to keep her marriage? It takes one to work no? Me, when I hear women talk like this, I just observe. Last year by this time the former Olori was busy condemning feminism. Today she has been replaced & is suddenly talking about ‘supporting other women’. Hmm, this life has a way of teaching us lessons.

  10. hadiza

    September 14, 2017 at 12:52 am

    I knew this woman had no brain. why don’t men hit their bosses who provoke them daily?? they can’t because they know there will be consequences. They panel beat their wives because they know they can get away with it. They know they’ll never be reprimanded for it because this country has no law protecting women. ??

  11. yeahisedit

    September 14, 2017 at 2:02 am

    It’s so disappointing to hear a woman speak like this, knowing that it will be used by abusers to justify what they are doing. How can a former victim of domestic violence justify abuse?

  12. Diamond

    September 14, 2017 at 2:23 am

    Honestly, I just confirmed this Monalisa has no brain. The other time she was spewing rubbish about her new husband, I thought then she was just so excited getting married again because she never expected it to happen for her again. And now this???

  13. Gigii

    September 14, 2017 at 2:41 am

    Hmmmm, I’m not even sure what to say. some things are just to dumb to explain. Ignorance. Is so unattractive in 2017.Educate yourself. Domestic violence is wrong on all levels.

  14. Tamales

    September 14, 2017 at 3:16 am

    I guess we can conclude she provoked her ex-husband and deserved all the beatings. What is wrong with this chic?

  15. LemmeRant

    September 14, 2017 at 3:52 am

    So lemme get this straight.

    Are you all saying its okay to provoke your husband? coz I’m reading the comments on here and I’m wondering how “women should quit provoking their men” is bad advice.

    • Smh

      September 14, 2017 at 6:04 am

      DONT BE obtuse. IT wasn’t never a thing of advice and you know it. SHE used provocation as a justification for domestic violence

    • Sakura

      September 14, 2017 at 8:03 am

      It is wrong to provoke ANYONE, don’t provoke your children, your wife, your husband, your neighbor………Husbands don’t have a special pass to go all king Kong on their wives when provoked. It’s not about provocation but more about the need to show power over another human being, in order words put them in their place. DV is a crime, period.

    • oyin

      September 14, 2017 at 9:10 am

      Of course it’ll happen. And no man has the right to beat their wives for it.

    • LemmeRant

      September 14, 2017 at 11:01 am

      @Smh
      “IT wasn’t never a thing of advice and you know it”
      I don’t know “it” and I’m sure you don’t either. Since none of us can read minds, we can only be sure of what people say and I’ll stick to that.

      “SHE used provocation as a justification for domestic violence”
      Again you’re assuming here. I’d like to simply ask how you automatically came to that conclusion? How does don’t provoke someone automatically mean he is allowed to physically abuse you? Why can’t don’t provoke someone just mean don’t provoke someone and it’ll stop there

      @Sakura
      Not really sure what you’re tryna say, but we can at least agree that provocation is wrong.

      See ladies a hot tempered guy can physically abuse his partner, so can a very simple, and gentle person if he is provoked long and hard enough – I have seen it happen!
      You know women keep saying walk away, keep quiet… How long do you think this can last if the other party doesn’t stop provoking. Also just because you insulted your partner today and he didn’t say/do anything doesn’t mean the outcome would be the same tomorrow, or a week from now, or a year from now…

      People have breaking points, they have things that make them snap and they lash out! – and that is a real thing and something you have to recognize!
      My fear is how we keep singing “men don’t beat their wives” but we give a pass to provocation.
      If you’ve witnessed when two partners are fighting, you’ll realize a lot of the time the guy is reacting to what she said (i.e. provocation) and not the actual problem causing the rift.

      Men shouldn’t be beating their partners and women shouldn’t be provoking their partners!
      This is message we need to spread not the half-baked one that preaches “On no account should a man touch his partner, but a woman is allowed to provoke her man as long as they want” That mentality is not only wrong but unrealistic.
      When I tell someone don’t provoke, it simply means don’t provoke! I’m not justifying violence or saying men are allowed to beat their wives I’m saying don’t provoke and that is it!.
      infact I’m trying to limit violence coz majority of the cases of domestic violence are caused due to provocation – one party provoked the other, and the other lashed out. The “other” is usually the stronger of the two, so most of the time, it’s the man, but it can easily be the woman.

      Provocation is never a good thing and it can lead people to do what they don’t want or like.
      The same bible that instructs children to honor their their fathers and mothers also instructs fathers not to provoke their son.
      You can’t go and poke a lion and then complain later that the lion attacked you back and bit off your arms, that why didn’t the lion also poke you back just like you did. Things don’t work that way. You don’t have the power to determine how someone else reacts to provocation.

      We live in a country where a child can get burnt alive by stealing food worth #100 in the market, but the politicians loot in billions and they walk free. As a Nigerian parent what advice would you give to your child? Won’t you tell that child never to steal in the market? Does it matter if the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, as a parent all you want is to see your child alive. that is where monalisa is coming from.
      Please lets learn to be realistic a lot of young girls are growing up and filling up their heads with this one-sided ideology and its only going to do them harm in the future.

      Physical abuse is bad and unacceptable, Provocation should also be condemned not encouraged. Just as women were not created to take blows, or slaps, Men were not created to take insults, or provocation. People snap, people get angry and if you hate violence you’ll also try as much as possible to prevent people snapping.

      Pheeeeww!!!!!!

    • ***

      September 14, 2017 at 11:21 am

      Oga lemmerant verbal abuse (which is equally as dangerous as domestic violence) is not addressed in nigeria … it is perpetrated by more than 50% of nigerian women on a daily basis … people asking if men slap military officers and their bosses when provoked, I ask in return do women go about abusing and raining insults on military officers and their bosses? The fight against domestic violence in nigeria is one-sided and female-chauvinistic, of course nobody should hit anybody, that’s insanley barbaric … my point is everybody has an elastic limit and if stretched beyond capacity results in irrational and hysterical unacceptable behaviour … I don’t like the fact that people think verbal abuse has no effect on victims or verbal abuse should be ignored as no physical harm is noticeable … monalisa only brought to our awareness the effects of unabated verbal abuse and we are deliberately sifting her point … she doesn’t support violence people, she is only addressing the reality that men and women are inherently of different temperaments, egos and condonations
      Read @curious’ s comment for a typical case of provocation … STOP VERBAL ABUSE & STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

    • Smh

      September 14, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      This whole essay just to summarize that you are a DV apologist. I never assumed anything. If you watched the video she literally says that most cases that she did “research” into showed her that it was the woman’s fault. So you stop misinterpreting and twisting to fit your narrative.

    • Funmi

      September 14, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      @lemmerant, monalisa and nancy so are you saying anytime my husband provoke me I should beat him up or arrange some Omo Orita to beat him up because I was provoked…..Innit. Please now…your wife or husband is not your child to be beating when they make mistake or say something that is not pleasant to you. This is really bad coming from a woman, I am really disappointed in Monalisa.

  16. Moi

    September 14, 2017 at 6:54 am

    This is satirical show by Okey MacAnthony called ‘the other News’ on Channels TV. She doesn’t mean it guys!

  17. Curious

    September 14, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Emotional abuse is as violent as actually hitting someone! If not more violent. And women are champions are manipulation and using their words in dangerous ways. Once on a campaign against domestic violence a friend asked me what I would do I my wife runs after me in the morning and grabs my shirt in public? My answer was…I would walk away. He asked, a woman who runs outside with you to grab your shirt, do you think she wants you to walk away? If she did, she wouldnt have followed you outside. And that got me thinking. It’s amazing how this violence issue dicssion is always one sided. The other day a lay slapped a guy in a gym for no sane reason and people are calling the guy a real guy. And I thinking if he responding in kind would have detracted from his masculinity. Violence against men and against little kids (maids and relatives) by women are hardly talked about. Of course I understand that view might not be popular here…because rather than analize things rationaly certain persons prefer to use their emotions……and bias from their previous experience

    • Sakura

      September 14, 2017 at 11:15 am

      Please @Curious how many people have been maimed or killed from shirt grabbing or words? How many ladies have ‘slapped’ a man to death? We are talking about life threatening situations and what some people are concerned with are egos. Na wa o!

    • Smh

      September 14, 2017 at 12:53 pm

      @sakura are you minding it? What does emotional abuse have to do with the physical domestic abuse? Some of them can’t hide their misogyny. The minute women’s complain about something then they want to bring up their grievances as a way to deflect. Mind you 85% of both verbal emotional and physical abuse are perpetrated by men

    • Tony

      September 14, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      I think the reason why Africans stay behind is lack of root cause analysis. Many people with their hypocritical feminist comments here just hate to hear alternative views. Calling Monalisa names won’t change what she said. Domestic violence has many causes and all those causes need to be addressed to prevent occurance. Prevention is always better than cure. I see comments here saying men should walk away when abused or provoked. How many women do that. The lady here is also saying avoid provocations be it man or woman. Ironically the violence against women by women is alarming. Case in point is the amount of verbal abuse often exerted by mother in law’s and sister in law’s on their son and brothers wife. It causes emotional stress and damage to victims but no one talks about that.

      Lots of men go about dieing in silence simply cause a mad culture doesn’t expect them to cry about the horrific abuses some go through in marriage. Violence of all sorts is unacceptable and everyone should work towards addressing the root causes instead of always playing feminist victim card.

    • LemmeRant

      September 14, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      @Funmi
      So I’ll assume you didn’t see my comments properly for whatever reason so I’ll just Copy and paste some of my previous comment in response. Please feel free to conclude whatever you like,

      ———————
      “Men shouldn’t be beating their partners and women shouldn’t be provoking their partners!
      This is message we need to spread not the half-baked one that preaches “On no account should a man touch his partner, but a woman is allowed to provoke her man as long as they want” That mentality is not only wrong but unrealistic.”

      “When I tell someone don’t provoke, it simply means don’t provoke! I’m not justifying violence or saying men are allowed to beat their wives I’m saying don’t provoke and that is it!”

      “Physical abuse is bad and unacceptable, Provocation should also be condemned not encouraged. Just as women were not created to take blows, or slaps, Men were not created to take insults, or provocation”
      ————————-

      But again you can ignore my VERY OBVIOUS stand on DV that I’ve repeated countless times.

  18. Maymay

    September 14, 2017 at 8:46 am

    So its safe to say you were provoking your ex-husband that was why he was beating u shitless, yes? Domestic violence is unacceptable from either side , and its so sad ur saying this cos u have a daughter, is this what you say to her?!

  19. oyin

    September 14, 2017 at 9:03 am

    very dumb woman. some brainwashed women are now chief supporters of patriarchy. Such a pity

  20. larz

    September 14, 2017 at 9:22 am

    This is second time I believe Monalisa is overcompensating to try to portray submissive woman.

    I remember she wrote about being designed to be under a man after her divorce. Na wa oh.

    Victim blaming of women will not endear you to men. If anything, it will signal that you will be an easy victim.

    Even the words she used “As much as I detest all forms of violence against women and men […] women should quit provoking their men into punches and slaps and all kinds of things”. In the first instant, both gender are victims, and in the second instant women are the instigator. This implies that male victims are true victims but 50% of women victims are instigators.

    It is a shame that someone like her is a role model for lots of young girls.

    • Tony

      September 14, 2017 at 2:33 pm

      She will continue being a role model to many because some so called feminist do selective reading. The take away point is that in a relationship avoid things that result in domestic violence cause the damage is irreparable. Violence of any sort even to an animal is horrible and should be avoided. We are talking about human beings, all men can’t be programmed to show restraint. Not all men are violent neither are all female victims of violence provocative. There is no one card fits all. People just have to identify some causes and avoid them.

  21. Sammie

    September 14, 2017 at 10:33 am

    Truth be told a lot of Nigerian women don’t know what they want. Someone on this blog quoted ” A Rich man is handsome”.

    You make it obvious that you are only interested in his money, and he treats you like one of his properties.

    • ND babe

      September 15, 2017 at 2:03 am

      Even properties are cared for

  22. jess

    September 14, 2017 at 11:29 am

    If my husband provokes me is it ok to break his head with a bottle,if he provokes our son can he do likewise. The idea that violence is ok if one is provoked is madness at best. If lagosians practise this we will have at least a fight or two every week.

    There is no shade of ignorance that looks good on anybody, Monalisa take note

    • LemmeRant

      September 14, 2017 at 1:58 pm

      Yes if someone provokes you long and hard enough, you’ll eventually lash out and you’re likely to lash out faster on such person if you know you wield greater strength. Case in point are women that lash out on their maids, step children and even children. Or did those people tell you they just woke up one day and started beating their maids mercilessly.

      People who are provoked can snap, people who snap will lash out. Obviously this doesn’t mean lashing out is right, but you’ll be really naïve to think its not a possibility.

      And BTW bcos you’ve not lashed out on your husband only means you’ve not been provoked well and long enough. And for that you should be thankful.

      I really don’t understand why women can’t seem to get this.

  23. Kunle

    September 14, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    All these stupid people that keep saying “why dont u slap ur boss or mopol instead of wife”. My own question to them too is “why dont the women too also insult the their boss or mopol instead of their husbands”

    • anon

      September 14, 2017 at 2:46 pm

      when men insult their wives do they beat them up? When men cheat on their wives do they beat them up? Shut up and stop defending rubbish. If you knew how high the rate of beatig women in Nigeria is you would shut your mouth.

    • ***

      September 14, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      They don’t beat them up because they physically can’t …. they do worse! They burn them with hot oil or hot water in their sleep, they chop off genitals, some go as far as poisoning them etc you stop defending rubbish and shut up … if you know the high rate of verbal abuse which in most cases leads to depression, reclusive anti-social behaviour and sometimes suicide caused by women in nigeria and the world you will shut your mouth … you the same quantity of energy you use to crucify domestic violence to also crucify verbal abuse, they are both terrible and should be condemned equally

  24. john

    September 14, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    @lemmerant what do expect from women with their fish brain wiring..they cant be reasoned with … no logic whatsoever..and they wonder majority of men don’t like talking longer with them ..they just give u headache with their glaring dumbness
    ……..

    • LemmeRant

      September 14, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      I swear I don tire.

  25. momotaro

    September 14, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    Sad that in this day and age, we still have people making excuses for abuse. Thought you’d know better after your experience Mona Lisa. You haven’t learned. I hope your current husband is treating you well.

  26. JE

    September 14, 2017 at 7:12 pm

    The fight for domestic violence is one sided, the same women that cry that men shouldn’t​ hit them, do worse things to their maid, to them it is their ryt. It is still a woman that will be the first to call her fellow woman barren, it is still women that make life a living hell for their sister in law, the same women will crucify another woman for leaving an abusive relationship. The truth is that to win the fight of DV we women have to work on ourselves

  27. northern lights

    September 18, 2017 at 9:05 am

    2 word : verbal diarrhea.

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