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Mrs Kush: How to Keep Your Man with Food (The African Culture Edition)

Mrs Kush

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So, I received this interesting correspondence a while back from a “Fellow Married Woman” and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud because I genuinely found it funny. Even though I don’t agree with her (the article in question clearly stated my position), I feel for the sake of fairness and for other people that may feel the same way, I’d rewrite the article to reflect our African culture. After all, we have been told time and time again that having a man is a huge achievement and we need to work even harder to make sure the said man doesn’t change his mind and reverse our fortunes.

I still don’t think you can keep a man with food, but if I did, here’s what I’d write by way of advice:

Find out his favourite food and cook it for him daily
Why not speed up the “man acquisition process” with strategic and targeted efforts. There’s no need wasting your time cooking a variety he may or may not like. If he is a lover of Nkwobi feed it to him daily. This will give him a glimpse of what it would be like to wife you up.

Be a Financial Magician

Learn how to make a banquet on a budget. To show him you are Proverbs 31 woman you must be able to cook rich and delicious meals with a minimum amount of cash. This will prove to him that you are capable of managing a home with little to no money. You can take it up a notch by assuming the responsibility for feeding him daily and provide feeding allowance on days you’re unable to cook.

Fake it till you make it
This one is tricky and you will have to be sharp about it. If you are “Kitchen Challenged” or you simply don’t have the time to make a variety of delicious food after working for 12 hours a day and sitting in Third mainland traffic for another two, just order. There are so many restaurants and food vendors that are willing to give you discreet service in unbranded packaging and out of hours deliveries. God forbid you show him your true strengths and weaknesses; you don’t want to risk him loving you just the way you are.

Don’t be a lazy woman
When both of you come back home at night after a hard day’s work, set him up comfortably in front of the TV and proceed to the kitchen to prepare a delicious meal from scratch in 30 mins or less. The time recommendation is important because you do not want him to needlessly suffer in hunger after such a hectic day at work. If you find that you are getting increasingly tired and cannot meet up after all your hard day’s work, you might have to quit your job to give you more time to cook for your man. If you are not open to quitting work just yet, see the point above for further instructions.

Feed the community
You need good references and witnesses to testify to your cooking prowess. This will further convince him you are the one for him. Cook for his friends, cook for his family, cook for his neighbors and if you really want to solidify your position, cook for his Pastor/Imam. Nothing beats a glowing reference from the representative of the Almighty God himself.

If after you’ve done all these and you still aren’t any getting closer to getting the ring, cook some more, as an African woman that’s all you can really do.

Love,

Mrs Kush.

Ps.
I got her permission to use the screenshot of our chat. We may not agree on this one but she seemed to be a genuinely lovely person.

Photo Credit: Hongqi Zhang (aka Michael Zhang) | Dreamstime

15 Comments

  1. Ronke

    September 26, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Why do women always have to find strategies to “keep their me”? I wonder how many men go to such lengths to find strategies to “keep their women”? Just asking’

    • Enn

      September 26, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      @gloria Err…I think u need to read the article again & calmly this time around.She was being sarcastic.don’t judge an article by its title all the time.

    • Dearest

      September 26, 2017 at 9:11 pm

      Well. That’s so cliche. Get another question to ask

    • biols

      September 27, 2017 at 9:11 am

      i tire ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noone preaches how to keep your woman……………….. abeg all these nonsense post should comot joor

  2. gloria

    September 26, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    thank you ronke! it is no one’s job to “keep a man”, what pressure is that for one to put on themselves? you cant control another human being, please BN stop perpetuating this useless narrative!

    • Enn

      September 26, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      @gloria Err…I think u need to read the article again..& calmly this time around.She was being sarcastic…don’t judge an article by its title all the time.

  3. Enn

    September 26, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    I Love you Mrs Kush..Lol
    Everyone’s always going on about how to keep your man blah blah blah….I never hear or read articles teaching men to be good husbands…This is why there’s abudance of “man-child(s)” everywhere & making mediocre ones seem like gold. It’s so sad honestly.

    • Neil Strauss

      September 27, 2017 at 9:16 am

      Lots of articles written about being a good husband but you choose to skip it. Men write about it all the time but women are more media dominant so you see more articles written by women for women. There’s nothing wrong with a woman that WANTS to cook for husband and all that. The only thing wrong with the letter writer is that she wants all women to be like her and that’s wrong.

      You talk about cheating. Haven’t we seen cases where a billionaire gets married to a woman and gets her a cook, driver and even set her up but she still cheats? I know two examples that even you will know the couple but let’s not go there.

      All this social media ganging up Na wash sef. All this feminist values will come down if you meet someone who can touch and hold your emotions firmly. I know you gon argue and that’s ok. It shows your emotions just got touched

    • Enn

      September 27, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      @Neil Strauss they write them all the time, really? & you can’t tell me I “choose” to skip them, you don’t know me. I agree there’s nothing wrong wanting to cook for your husband.I’m just against the school of thought that make men seem like some sort “god” and we should deem ourselves lucky when thet marry us, hence we have to cater to their every need no matter how uncomfortable it is.
      Marriage is a two way thing & both partners should feel valued and respected.

  4. Yellow sun

    September 26, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Lmfaooo.. .I am married and I most def don’t cook nothing when I’m tired…order food/buy food or warm food from the freezer yourself.. .waris all dis..
    If it’s food they use to get man..with my husband you can’t win …looooooooool

  5. ally

    September 26, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    when we ask why they are doing all these things and the man still cheats, they’ll say it’s all men etc etc. Oh well, different strokes for different folks.

  6. Esther

    September 26, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    I love Mrs kush….lol

  7. Weezy

    September 26, 2017 at 8:32 pm

    My life changed the day I learned that the bible should be read not as an instruction manual, but as a library of books, some instruction, some metaphor, some history, and all written in a specific cultural context.

    The Proverbs 31 woman is man’s invention.

  8. Dearest

    September 26, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Generally I feel the article is sarcastic

    This femininsm should be about getting equal opportunities not equal physical opportunities.

    Which one is cook when you are tired tho

    • Anon

      September 27, 2017 at 10:57 am

      SO cooking is a physical opportunity for women? Odiegwu.

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