Mateen ‘Korede Taomu: Letter to My Dear Son Who is Getting Married

Dear Son,

I am so proud of the man you are becoming. I still remember you as that naughty boy running around the house. Today, you are a dashing young man whose future holds enormous opportunities.

You are about to make one of the most important decisions of your life. This decision can make or mar your future, as it has done many.

You are my first son, and you are about to walk down the aisle with a gorgeous lady. I am glad you brought her home and that she got along with your mum.

When you came home, you shared with me your concerns about the wedding. We couldn’t talk because of other engagements, but I promised to address it at a later date. So this me doing so.

I want to share a story to explain how delicate this topic is.

When I was a much younger man, I gave a toast at a friend’s wedding. I said lovely things about the couple which got resounding applause. Unfortunately, the marriage broke off two years later. I loved the couple, but the challenges they encountered were far beyond my ability. I shared this so you can understand how sensitive it is. Here are some principles you need to understand.

A good wedding doesn’t make a good marriage
For many, the quality of the wedding determines the quality of the marriage. But a few years into the union, many discover the yardstick for measuring the two is not the same.

A wedding is an event, but a marriage is a lifetime course. The only program you receive the certificate before you begin.

An event planner can make your wedding day phenomenal. However, your marriage requires daily input for it to work. Don’t be deceived; you can’t live your marriage on social media. If you can’t afford it, don’t go for it. Always stay within your limit.

Remember after the wedding some bills will need to be paid. They don’t vanish. Don’t spend it all on the wedding ceremony. Stay within a budget. Be wise and save for the future. Don’t let what you see on the gram force you to make foolish decisions.

Remember this saying: Marriage is only as good as the friendship you bring into it. A wedding is just as good as the planning you bring into it. If many put half the effort they put on their weddings into their marriages, we might see fewer divorces. True wisdom is to know what your priority is.

Become one with your spouse
It would be unwise if you walked down the aisle without ironing some affairs. You are entering into an eternal institution, you can’t be ignorant. Assumptions are terrible and cause conflict in marriage.

Most ladies have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little girls. They have discussed and decided on the color of their outfits with friends.

It would be callous of you to shatter her dreams by asking for a small wedding. She might never recover from the news. The two of you have to be of one mind. From what I observed, your lady is quite reasonable. This is good, so align your thoughts with hers.

If you can’t agree on this, then it will be hard to agree on more delicate matters like your kids.

Family politics
This is the trickiest part because it is outside your influence. Weddings come with pressure from both sides of the family. As the first son, your mum and I have certain expectations.

If we have expectations, don’t think your fiancé’s parents would as well?

Many uncles and aunts are coming to celebrate with you. There is a pattern they have envisaged, and if you go against it, they might make the day a wedding in hell.

Brace up because it’s an occasion when two large families come together at your expense. If you are not careful, you might be a guest at your own wedding.

The God angle
I have taught you well and you know one of my teachings is, You are not designed to please anyone but God. I know you as a man growing in faith. It is unreasonable to say, “I will faith it.” Remember that faith is not blind but has evidence. It’s only oblivious to those who don’t see. Pray and ask for wisdom on how to navigate your wedding and marriage. God is not against big weddings; he loves when his children are happy. When you have your children, you will go out of your way to give them what they want, but not at the expense of their maturity.

Pleasing the world and not pleasing God is a big mistake. People are very flaky. Today they have an opinion about you and change it when the conditions are different. Don’t live for their appetites. Live for Him, and you will have real peace.

Forgiveness and daily sacrifices
Marriage is not for the self-seeking. It is the amalgamation of two souls. It’s like the welding of two metals. It’s not always a pretty sight. It’s the same with marriage. There is bound to be friction. Friction is because you are from different backgrounds.

There is no man or woman you will meet on earth that you won’t disagree with. Don’t avoid it, instead, work it out. You will have to sacrifice yourself for your family. Most times this is not communicated in words but actions. You will make mistakes along the way but always seek forgiveness. Doing better is how you show you are remorseful. If you know better, you will do better.

I know you love to hang out with the boys, but that has to reduce. You can’t accept all invites. You must daily sacrifice your life for her. Let her know she is the one and only one. Your mum is the best thing to happen to me. You must also let your spouse feel the same way.

At the moment, this is all I can share with you for now. As you go out into the world, remember all my words.

Till I write again, never forget I love you and I am always here if you would like to talk.

 

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