Single parents exist. Some people become single parents, not by choice, but as a result of their partners dying. There are also people who do not care about marriage or dating. They choose to be single parents. Some people are single parents because of failed contraceptives, or because things went awry. Things happen that we don’t usually plan for.
The long and short of this is that single parents, or in this case, single fathers are here to stay. Discriminating against them is not even an option, with the way some men are fighting over who will win the title of scum of the earth. It is best to hold the good man you have tight, whether he has a child or not.
As this is the situation some of us have found ourselves in, or will find ourselves in future, it is imperative that we learn how to make our relationships work. To be honest, it can’t be a walk in the park.
There are a few ground rules to know before you decide to go into a relationship with a single dad, feel free to add yours. Ladies, bring out your pen and paper or screenshot as we go.
1. You will never be number one. You heard that right. His child comes first; after God, if he is religious. So prepare your mind for cancelled dinner dates or any other events. If that child’s temperature goes one degree higher than normal, best believe plans will get cancelled. Unless of course, he has the same relationship 50 Cent has with his first son. You chose this life, so don’t fight it.
2. Don’t force the child or children to love and accept you. If you are genuinely nice, they will fall in love with you eventually. I am tempted to say ‘eventuarry’.
3. Not all baby mamas are crazy. Some are, but definitely not all, so don’t come in guns blazing. Buy a figurative gun but don’t load it till she starts messing with you. Don’t go and buy a real gun o, see you see kirikiri o! I pray you never experience it. Spirit of fighting die die die!!! We are children of peace.
4. Men with crazy baby mothers are already stressed, don’t add to the stress by nagging him every day. You are not too cool to be dumped, Sis. I didn’t say tolerate bad behaviour, but don’t go about nagging like it’s the oxygen you need to live.
5. Don’t look down on your boyfriend’s baby’s mother. Trust me, your man was once in love with her too. We are assuming it wasn’t a ‘one nightstand’ here. We are all virtuous men or women who only sleep with the ones for us, we don’t go about sowing our seeds everywhere.
6. If they were never married and they have two children with two-year age difference, run sister, run. That is some planned births going on over there and baby number three is on the way.
7. Trust your man, but bear in mind that Okafor’s law is as strong as the law of gravity. Once that ass has been tapped, there is a very high chance it will be tapped again. We come against every spirit of repeat tapping!
8. Till he has put a ring on it, don’t take up any stepmother role. Love the child but remember to keep your distance. The father should tell him or her about you, you have no business telling them you are now the mom around here. They have a mother.
9. Remember to give father and child(ren) some alone time. You don’t have to force yourself into every conversation or picture. It is one big happy family, but still, let them breathe and be. Get your own life, watch TV or knit a sweater sometimes.
10. If you know you can’t be a part of a blended family, end that relationship now. The world is already filled with wicked stepmothers, don’t add to their number. I am also pleased to inform you that the witchcraft coven isn’t taking any more candidates. If you like, pretend to be good till you go in then change to a monster, some of us will be happy to drag you from blog to blog on social media.
Dear single girl, when you are dating a single dad, or considering dating a single dad, just know it is a different level. You have more than one person to consider in your relationship and it is not a bed of roses. If you like being the centre of attention, this is not for you. If you are the very jealous type, it is also not for you. If you are an instigator, this is most definitely not for you. For the sake of the child(ren) involved, please strive for peace and unity. If the baby mama is crazy, just mind your business and remain sane. If you start showing signs of madness too, wetin you gain? I wish you luck as you make the right decision for your dating life.
Remember to order my book, The Cover, and also connect with me on all social media platforms. I have missed my BellaNaija family. Please, all of you should join hands and pray away the spirit of laziness and writer’s block from my life. Of what use is a writer who doesn’t write?