Queer Till I Quench – Z’s Story

In Africa, when we see any news or read any stories on LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transsexual) people, it is usually an analytical piece either from a religious, sociological  or even psychological analytic perspective. Sometimes we see “undercover” pieces where reporters visit a hidden gay bar or church. When Z approached us to share her story, it struck a chord. A young lady, living her life and now she shares her story with BellaNaija.com
*****

“Ah, ah, now. Why won’t you give me your number? See how Naija girls like to play hard to get!” I’m being chatted up by a Yoruba guy in a Nigerian restaurant I used to work at in Brooklyn, and although I’m trying to politely brush him off, it’s not doing much good.

“Me, I no dey play hard to get,” I counter. “This one na impossible to get.” He scoffs and continues trying to persuade me, until I hit him with the final blow.

“I don’t date men.” Omo, I wish I could have captured the stunned disbelief on his face. In fact, he refused to believe me, stating that he had never met a gay African before, let alone a Nigerian. I’m aware that we are mostly a silent closeted demographic, and meeting an out queer Nigerian is like happening upon a museum-worthy specimen. I grew up in Aba until I finished secondary school, and I never met a single gay Nigerian or heard my friends ever mention it (I also went to a private day school instead of the all girls boarding school my father wanted to put me in…perhaps my experience of gay Nigerians would have been different otherwise).

I wasn’t always as out as I am now, mostly because it took me this long to pinpoint this aspect of my identity. Looking back at my childhood, I don’t feel as though there were any signs that I would turn out to be queer. I hated dresses and wished I could be a boy, true, but I also hated sports and loved Barbies. It was in college that I first felt an attraction to women, yet I retained my straight identity even after kissing a girl (or two/three) because I wasn’t ready to accept that part of myself, especially considering the culture I was raised in. I was also sure that my closest friends would dismiss my attractions as a ‘phase’ or not take them seriously. I dismissed the attractions easily, preferring to remain in a state of firm denial.

Ironically, it was my ex-husband who supported me enough for me to have the courage to come out as bisexual, and later, queer (even though my preferences led to us parting ways). One of the most frequent (and annoying) questions I get is people wanting to know why I bothered to get married when I was identifying as bisexual at the time. That question confuses me to no end. Why wouldn’t I get married to the man I loved? Is marriage forbidden unless you’re 100% straight? I was out to my ex before we even got engaged, so he was completely aware of my orientation and it didn’t change a thing about how he felt about me. He also knew that there was a risk that I would stop being attracted to men at some point (in the same way there’s a risk that you’ll fall off an okada or get hit by a bus, etc etc) and he still had tears of joy in his eyes when we exchanged vows. He was one of my best friends for years, one of the first people I turned to when I first acknowledged I was attracted to women, one of the first to hear about when I kissed a girl, you get the idea. When the time came for us to separate, it was difficult for him to lose me, but at the same time he acknowledged that there was really nothing we could do. He told me, “I can’t ask you not to be queer, that would be like asking you not to be black.” Both families were very taken aback by my coming out and the break-up, but he was one of the most supportive people during the transition, for as long as he could.

The other person was my best friend, who’s both Nigerian and queer-friendly. She constantly pushed me to be happy and helped me realize that there’s nothing wrong in being who I am- having her as a support system has been crucial in every step of my journey in coming out as queer. I occasionally identify as gay, but I generally call myself queer, never a lesbian. The reason is because I’m attracted to not just women, but also transgender and genderqueer individuals (Google can be your friend in this)- basically, people who don’t see themselves as being female. In fact, I identify as genderqueer myself, which is even harder to explain than being queer and Nigerian, so the term ‘lesbian’ just doesn’t fit me.

I came out to my close friends, my siblings and my mother earlier this year when my ex-husband and I separated, and I’m on my way to coming out to my father. It was actually my second coming-out- I had come out as bisexual to them several months before. My sister’s reaction the first time was hilarious, she said “Oh, you’re bisexual? I thought you were a lesbian.” My brother proceeded to give me tips on how to pick up women. My mother read my old blog where I talked about my feelings for women and sent me emails trying to get me to stop talking so much, concerned and uncomfortable. The second time around, the wahala was mostly because my queer identity ended my marriage, and those two facts combined were quite upsetting. My siblings didn’t really care who I was attracted to as long as I was happy, and my mother felt it was a choice (which it’s not, by the way), so she had a harder time adjusting.

My father’s reaction will probably be intense, but hopefully, will calm down with time (even if ‘time’ in this case is a couple of years). I’ve heard drastic stories from other queer Nigerians about their family’s reaction to their coming out- from being called an abomination to being kicked out of their homes, to being disowned for the next decade. It’s understandable why a lot of queer Nigerian choose to remain unseen and on the down low, really. In my case, I chose the opposite route. I’m blatantly out online, choosing to blog and talk about my experience as a queer and genderqueer Nigerian. I perform in male drag under the stage name Eke, and I don’t bother to hide my identity. I also happen to have a relatively understanding family, for the most part, although I’m not entirely sure how many members of my extended family are aware of my identity.

Honestly, it can be a little unnerving to be so open about who I am, but it’s important to me to be visible because then other queer Nigerians can come across something I wrote or performed and know that they are not alone. There’s a lot of rampant homophobia in the Naija community, and knowing that there are other Nigerians like me has given me immense comfort and strength, which I hope others can share in. Hopefully, people’s attitudes towards LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning) individuals, especially in the Naija community, will become more accepting and less negative. As it stands now, I can’t even envision myself going back to my motherland and living openly as I do now, for fear of what repercussions that might have. I like being alive and not in a prison, thank you very much. Hearing accounts of what’s being done to LGBTQ folk in Africa (eg, in Uganda and Malawi) hurts my heart, to be honest- to know that some of my people would gladly see me dead is a chilling thought.

I’ve chosen to be open and honest about who I am, instead of hiding aspects of my identity in order to make other people comfortable. I was born in Umuahia and raised in Aba. My preferred pronouns are she/he/they. I have an addiction to orange Nutri-C. I’m a drag king. I wear eye-liner. I bind my chest and wear men’s clothes. I prefer pounded yam to eba or amala. I prefer to not date men. I am not ashamed to be who I am, regardless of whether others approve of it. I am blessed and loved, and I eat my roasted plantain with salted palm oil and pepper.

My passport is green and my lover’s a woman.

___________________________________________________________________________________________
Z’s Blog: www.akwaekeemezi.com

105 Comments on Queer Till I Quench – Z’s Story
  • omogekofo September 27, 2010 at 11:20 am

    1st 2 comment.
    i will be back after reading.
    wink.

  • RMG September 27, 2010 at 11:39 am

    @Omogekofo you’re not serious,lol…
    On the article,i wouldn’t judge you.It’s your life and you’ve chosen this path of your destiny; however,i wonder if you have any religious belief and what it says about it. On the other hand ,I’m particularly glad you are able to openly declare who you are,that shows courage and not cowardice.

  • eazzie E September 27, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Well!!! Speechless for a few seconds….Z, I must commend your unbelievable courage in coming out. Always a tough call for Nigerians owing to our morally upright society that has made no room for the adoption of the western ways/beliefs as an excuse to wrangle our home values.

    I presently have a friend who suffers the same fate but has not found the courage to come out clean. She sucks at male-female relationships and would actually send her casual friends a bouquet of flowers and a real thought provoking text on birthdays. she cries sometimes and in her words she says “she feels trapped”. Not to mention her love for lesbian porn over the straight.

    I try to understand how she feels but truth be told, I just don’t get it because in the beginning, it was “adam and eve” not “adam and steve” or “eve and ester” even though science has been able to prove the possibilities of these things

    Well, I hope you find fulfillment in your decision because no matter how right and happy you may feel, truth is stuff like this is never gonna be accepted in Naija. May you find courage to stand tall for you S** Orientation.
    All the best

    first to comment bellzs!!! yay!!

    • LadyTee September 27, 2010 at 11:55 am

      LMAO @ you claiming your friend “suffers the same fate”…really, though?

  • stkola September 27, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Good for you gurl! I love it when people have the courage to be themselves & stand up for their beliefs! Yeah, people may be judgemental at first but give them time, they’ll come around. Cheers

  • Nigeria@50 September 27, 2010 at 11:43 am

    wot is all dis abt “first to comment”…anyway sha. Come out the way u are, its either the world accept u or they don’t…that doesn’t stop U from bin U.

    • omogekofo September 27, 2010 at 12:59 pm

      try n b 1st 2 comment n u will understand.
      *rolling eyes*

      • lola September 28, 2010 at 8:30 am

        lol… she!

  • Zaine September 27, 2010 at 11:44 am

    wow Z…i remember reading about you getting married on your blog. all you can do really is to stay true to who u are..only God can judge us. the most important thing though is that those who love you are there for you and that’s what matters.

  • adenike September 27, 2010 at 11:55 am

    *sighs* It takes a lot to come out of the closet;though we still do not have your full identification(lol) but all the same,you’re quite sure of what you want. No one needs to ostracize you as long as you don’t come ask me out (wink wink).I personally don’t think it a big deal now anyway;we’re all adults and we should be responsible for our several actions. I honestly wish you the very best in your endeavors!

  • omogekofo September 27, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    awwwww, i love the last phrase………..My passport is green and my lover’s a woman.
    hmmmm, In my case, My passport is green and my lover’s a Man.

    its so Good be discover ur self and live your life to the fullest instead of dying in silence or living in denial.
    but she should watch what she tells her dad, if i am her, I will forget telling him since the people who know are supportive. no need to disturb the mans thinking.
    her Husband tried, thats not really an easy thing to do especially if u love the other person involved. i am not surprised that he was there for her only for as long as he could.

  • WaleAdeniji September 27, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    If your family members accepted you, what concerns my agbero with overload as long as that is what suits you? However, please for your own sake, restrict your movement/activities to whereever you are outside the country. It will take eternity for Nigerians to accept such practice. Religious wise, it is no no. Traditionally, it is unacceptable. My people would rather find spiritual solution to things of this nature than allow you remain the way you are. What we believe is that God created man and woman to be able to procreate and fill up the earth. That is what the holy books says. Even when i wouldn’t like to be judgemental in my opinion, i still wish to advice you that you restrict your activities to outside Nigeria. Wish you all the best.

    • Khedira September 29, 2010 at 8:08 am

      sheeeesh! who’s this dude?

  • Hotchocolate September 27, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    C.H.I.N.E.K.E !!!!!!!!!!

  • Rhoda Ebun September 27, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Since you bind your chest, do you intend to change your sex organs to make the tranformation complete?

  • Teefah September 27, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    hey Z,
    Africa as a whole is still extremely homophobic and there is still widespread taboo when it comes to the subject of gay/straight/bi/transgender and even sex.
    Even though it isn’t my cup of tea, and I have my feelings about it (mostly religious) my problem is forcing people to live a life that fits the common social ideal. There are a lot of gay people in heterosexual marriages, who carry on their gay lifestyle outside of the marriage, this raises a serious concern of deceit, especially when this deceit involves the other parties sexual health.
    I don’t see this being accepted in Africa anytime soon so good on you for being brave enough to share your story.

    http://that1960chick.com/

  • gbegborun September 27, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Well done jare! I am very pround of you being who you are. I will urge you to holla at God , don’t feel like you have to be un-religious to be LGBT. Still explore your spiritual side and you might be surprised what you find!

  • 9ja@50 September 27, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    “Adam and Steve” ( LMAO) and for omogekofo, hv bin first to comment for couple of times nd i don’t announce to d whole world..lol.

  • madforChrist September 27, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    wow! serious wow! call a spade a freaking spade! you are living in sin! and yes we all are. Instead of thinking of a way to help( yes thats what she needs, help!) the babe out of this sodomy, u all are here hailing her courage! Crucify me ya’all if you want, yes i have my flaws as well but thank God for the blood of Christ which is still available to redeem! Z pls go to the greatest, psychologist we all know;the Holy Spirit and get some real help!

  • dontbother September 27, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    please stop promoting what our cultures and religions say no to…its not everything the west accepts that we must accept too.

    • Geekgirl September 27, 2010 at 2:39 pm

      lol…People say our culture does not allow for this and allow for that?What the heck is culture?Can culture analyze each person and tell them how to feel and who to be?Culture is dynamic and not static, it changes so hell with you Culture and its followers. Some people eons ago decided was d code of living was , i sure has heck wasnt part of that committe so i dont see what that has to do with us as a people today. People just use culture as a way to close their minds to things they cannot explain. Pls tell culture to shut the help up and lean back. since we are talking about what is prescribed by culture, Does your “culture” even approve of Christianity in the first place? HISS!!!
      I am sure Z, is past all these culture & spiritual analysis anyways comments!

    • Yaga September 27, 2010 at 3:14 pm

      Our culture and religions say no to plenty of things and we carry on doing them because we are not even aware of a majority of them. Sit down my friend and let the girl be.

  • biola September 27, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    oh wow, this is the same girl in the my style feature http://www.bellanaija.com/2009/09/11/my-style-zara-emezi/

  • Geekgirl September 27, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Wow, this is the same Z that was featured on BN style a while back.I used to read her old blog and i must say it is courageous for a NIGERIAN to come out of the closet.You are lucky to have an open minded family. Now about telling popsie, hmmn….that would be hard.I dont think some parents understand homosexuality and a Naija popsie may not be able to comprehend it.How do you want to say it “Daddy, i like women and i’d like to spend the rest of my life with one”…That is a tough one o. Personally, I will suggest not ever ever telling him.I know that maybe like you are lying to yourself,but some things are better left unsaid.

    It is not easy to be a gay Nigerian o.I am very gay friendly and my Naija friends cant understand why i am open to that “lifestyle”, and i tell them i cant play God in other people’s life.As long as the homosexual relationship is btw two consenting,who am i not to support and be there for a gay friend.Our sexuality is just one aspect of who we are and should not be used to judge people.Wish you all the best in Life Z

  • Iya2 September 27, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    is you ex nigerian? I found your desciption of his support and reaction intriguing.

    • okwyrose September 27, 2010 at 7:20 pm

      Her ex is white if you saw her on Style, he was there with her, she seemed so happy though. You never know what burden we all have. Am glad u let a load of your chest, go ahead live your life!

      • Lita October 1, 2010 at 12:52 pm

        I have to say I know and have dated equally understanding Naija men…they exist!

  • Luella September 27, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Incommunicado!

  • Naijafairy September 27, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    I realized a while ago that the only difference between Hetero and Gay Relationships, were the Gender of the people involved. We all have the same struggles with love and life. Breakups are hard on all of us. And we all want to find that special someone…

    Thanks for Sharing your story. Good luck with everything.

  • Tired of faking it! September 27, 2010 at 2:39 pm

    Na wa O!
    I thought i was the only one O!
    i hate having sex! honestly,
    i am usually sore when it’s over and i like count every whaming!
    it’s tortue!
    i think i am asexual!
    i want to be kissed and hugged and cuddled but no SEX!
    PLS, it’s disgusting and annoying!

    • Aina September 27, 2010 at 3:05 pm

      Eeeh I thought I wrote this when i was sleeping, Spot On!

      But @poster don’t claim to be Christian sha

  • Tired of faking it! September 27, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    I dont know if i like women but i have kissed a girl and it
    was fair nuff!
    i just want to be left alone tho!

    • mariaah September 27, 2010 at 3:19 pm

      Tired of faking it, my candid advise is go celibate, stay off sex, do interesting things like reading, buy recipe books and cook, travel, parry harrrd, love yourself bahhdd!!! Just do what your heart desires at the moment; basically, rediscover yourself and all will be well also ask for God’s guidance and you ll be fine. You may not be gay but just not into “IT” at the moment, just give yourself time and when you “know” you are ready I hope you ll meet someone who appreciates you, cares and loves you. Goodluck :)xx

  • yaya84 September 27, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Be happy. Do you. Only God can judge

  • Clara September 27, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Are you kidding me? you are queer? that is just stupid, i understand being gay but saying that you are attracted to transgender. please stop seeking attention and admitted you are a lesbian who is jealous transgenders simple.

    • Jess September 27, 2010 at 4:24 pm

      Gbagaun!!! Buhaha I just had to, plus free the girl!!! Smh

  • ogor! September 27, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    zee dear, u nid Jesus. He is d way,th truth and the life. dis is not normal if not God wld hv made it so from d beginning. i agree 100 and 50 % with madforchrist and dontbother. GIVE ur life to Christ biko. dis no be so oh! not judging but u nid help,sweerie.

  • eazzie E September 27, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    @ladytee if u have something to say, u should spit it out. dont u think???

  • atiya September 27, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    State of mind, all of this is a state of mind! I think you deserve to live your life however you want but I also believe we have too many social issues in Africa to import more from the west. This trend is not helping westerners themselves up here so my point and prayer is God save us!

  • Rosie September 27, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    Ugggh!!!

  • gbeborun September 27, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Well done Z, the people who are upset by your story in reality are upset by your honesty, In Nigeria as long as you can hide it and be dishonest to the people around you,its fine. Well to all the haters out there, what you don’t know you should learn about, Some people are gay, get over it. Before you start blabbing about how western culture has corrupted Africa remember that it is because of the same western culture that you have the internet to share your opinion safely

    • Haha! September 27, 2010 at 6:56 pm

      Abi oh! Being gay is bad enough but bringing culture into it is even worse. What about old men dating girls young enough to be their daughters, etc? Please no culture is perfect.

      At least Western civilisation gave us internet, computers, education, medicine, etc. What has our own culture given us besides fooling ourselves and thinking we are morally upright?

    • originalgbegborun September 28, 2010 at 11:01 am

      hmmmmm…….this is going to cause some identity issues….lol….abeg o!

  • eagle eyes September 27, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Jesus christ did NEVER condemn gay people in his ministry so for your information, people don’t choose to be gay, just as you don’t choose to be black or be left handed, its natural and God loves them just the way they are.

  • dankeo September 27, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    my dear I suspected this when i saw the episode of u on style, but when I saw ur fiance i was like maybe not. u eventually got married? thats good, i am not trying to judge but IMO this is not the way it is meant to be. u rmeant to be with a man and not a lady by the standards of what I have learnt in the bible. dunno if u are a christian but its the best thing that has happenned to me. do u have peace within u as u r? Try christianity I can assure u that u would get answers to some questions and make the right decision about ur s**uality. I would pray for u. and u are a very pretty lady that the right man would cherish. may God bring him ur way…..

  • lili September 27, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    i really like your comment, we give too much power to evil thots and we run wit it with no shame at all, Do u know that there are ppl that like to kill people and sleep with their corpse for days before dumping their body, some enjoy sleeping with animals, some enjoy anal sex; thereby weaking ur butt muscle cuasing one to hv difficulty holding down feases, are we to keep condoning these sick and ridiculous drive because it makes you feel gud and happy. A man that enjoy smoking weed, i gues shud proclaim himself an addict and indulge till he blows his brains out. I really feel like we are end times and the devils is at is worst, look at wts happening, most churches have become a mockery unto God, induging in all kinda sick sexual act and wat not we children who look up to dem. Besides, she seems confused, first she was bisexual and then realizes that she like just women , now she is a queer gender, tomorrow u will be God know wats idea or feeling u will get, then u will write a blog about it trying to shove it down ppl’s throat, all in the name of finding ursef, if finding ursef is based solely on the pleasures of the flesh then a devine intervention is in order. I pray that God have mercy on this generations and all their sick preferences.

    • Lita September 27, 2010 at 10:51 pm

      In what way is two adults having a consensual relationship similar to having sex with animals or dead bodies? And whose throat is her sexual orientation being shoved down? Is the blog on college reading lists now? Nothing was mentioned about ‘pleasures of the flesh’ and the obsession of homophobic people with ‘gay’ sex has always been kind of funny to me.

  • ogefierce September 27, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    As for me i’s rather have sex with a man than go on an all expense paid shopping spree in Paris…its that bad,i LOVE sex,but i’d find sex wif a lady quite interesting…hmmmmm

  • Kay.. September 27, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    …*Still speechless*….I don’t understand the gay world, but why bother negotiating with the devil… I might have been able to justify it if God created a man for other men n a woman for other women, but he created woman from man to be companions to one another, so sorry i’m not buying the whole scientific explanation…I’d rather pray bout my issues n is uggest u do same…its never too late!

  • Luna September 27, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Wives-Female-Husbands-Studies-Homosexualities/dp/0312238290.
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0862325951/ref=pd_luc_sbs_02_02
    I’m sorry, what was that about queer identities being something intrinsically western? Oh wait, does that challenge your life a little? Or does it make you feel better to distance yourself from a truth you already know because it makes you feel better? Who’s to say that you are the only person who can hear and talk to God? Because I tell you what, my relationship with God is just that, mine. And so is yours. And so is hers. How are you to define what that looks like?

  • Oshokeme September 27, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Z I’m proud of you for being so out there. You’re giving other people the courage to come out of their holes and be themselves. I see from the comments that some people are actually trying to understand and accept all this and your article is the first step on their journey so it is not in vain. As for the others that leave insulting comments that denounce or try to force their beliefs on you, I hope they know that they are not setting any stores for themselves in heaven.

  • Lita September 27, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    A series of random thoughts that don’t really go together:

    Love it everytime I see you featured online. Never understood the level of courage people can have especially online where there is so much hatred and like to purvey willful ignorance. I almost jumped for joy when I saw that Kele from Bloc Party had come out earlier this year. Have you ever seen or heard of the work of Rikki Beadle Blair? He’s explored the roots of homophobia in Jamaica right back to where it came from: the colonial masters.

    x

  • lili September 27, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    I think this is just crazy, how cud one base their whole personality and who u are based on the pleasures of the flesh, the flesh that rots, how cud u proclaim urself gay because u enjoy sleeping with men and that becomes the core of ur being, u walk around rioting to be gay; to cont to enjoy ur sexual prefrences, and then u identify that as being ur identity. I guess because some ppl like sex, they shud proclaim thier preferences and be given the liberty to practice thier sexual acts anywhere. I gues we shud celebrate people that kill becuase it give them a hard on and allow them to come up and speak up for themselves. I mean if lesbians. gays are to speak up and be celebrated; i guess ppl that sleep with animals shud come out and stand for their right, can u imagine wat our kids are going to be like years from now accepting things like this, the ones that kill me its the men dat r walking around with perms, nail done and switching their hips and waving thier nails in ur face, i mean why shud u wear ur sexuality on ur sleeve, proclaiming to anyone that cares to know that u prefer A to B. Let her tie her breast all she wants, if God wanted her to be male he wud have done so…My God makes no mistakes, and if u have to alter ur physical attributes to potray someting u r not, u dont think something is wrong with that pic. Why wud someone alter thier body to satisfy thier sexual drive, Men caughting of their things and women cut of thier breast and implanting PXXXx, why they dont have kids then since thats how God supposedly wants them but made a mistake.

  • Chei! September 27, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    Zara im honestly in shock. Seeing u grow up I would never have suspected. I strongly urge you to seek the way of Christ, he can help you out of any confusion. I will continue to pray for you.

  • queertee September 27, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    Its amazing to see that a few nigerians are tired of being closeted nd finally coming out…..its nt easy when you are within d country though cos ppl categorize too much…..I am queer, dnt bind my chest nd I feel more comfortable in male outfits….I’m nt afraid to feel love d way I feel it….being able to walk d street wv my gf without bein criticized will be a dream come true…a lot of ppl say lesbians av mostly been molested as a child….I was never molested…jst grew up to love women….I don’t answer to d term ‘lesbian’ cos I’m jst queer and m very gay(happy) to be

  • Lita September 27, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    plenty of people are queer, gay and religious (i know several, muslim, jew, christian and hindu). its pretty presumptuous of people to assume that Z isn’t.

    • gbeborun September 27, 2010 at 11:10 pm

      Tell them, there’s no excuse for such ignorance,when people hear of homosexuality they assume its far away and distant from them meanwhile you relate to gay people in your daily life without even knowing it.

  • dontbother September 27, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    If you are a follower of any faith, then God never made women to be with other women sexually..Except you dont follow that kind of Faith, then, to each man his own way, otherwise, for all those genuine monotheists here saying its okay, please dont contradict yourself….its not okay…God knows best…

  • itk September 27, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    my sister u are just confused.
    and as for those of u who kip encouraging these pple saying God loves them i hope u remember sodom & gomorrah, if he loved them, he wuldnt have destroyed them.

    • FirstIWantToDanceWithYouPere September 28, 2010 at 3:31 am

      why hasnt God destroyed you for all your other sins?I am sure you have lied,stolen, fornicated and done all other things that God is against. Abi is Homosexuality the only “sin”?

      • itk September 28, 2010 at 7:19 am

        u are sure. i didnt know we now had an oracle in d house.oniranu. abeg kip it moving. i am not even religious just stating d all so obvious.

    • CC September 28, 2010 at 9:33 am

      Please show me the biblical evidence that God did not love the people of Sodom & Gomorrah.

    • FirstIWantToDanceWithYouPere September 28, 2010 at 1:25 pm

      WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Nice to know that we have someone who has never sinned in our midst!

      • itk September 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm

        erm i didnt say i hadnt sinned. let me ask u a simple question, do u think what this he, she or whatevr they want to be called is sinning?

    • gbeborun September 29, 2010 at 9:33 am

      Sodom and Gomorrah, have u even read the story properly? i won’t start quoting here but will only advice you to go back and read it with an open mind not with your own prejudice. Sodom and Gomorrah is a case of sexual abuse/rape which is a criminal offense whether same sex or opposite sex it has nothing to do with innately gay people in a loving relationship and consented sex. Remember Lot offered his daughters to the men of Sodom and Gomorrah to rape instead of the angels, so are you saying it is right for a father to offer his daughters to be raped? or a that a smaller sin in your eyes?

  • Sinita September 27, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    It always beat my imagination how africans, nigerians in particular are the first to scream God and bible when they hear anything about homosexuality but don’t you wonder that with all the churches in nigeria,it is still one of the most corrupt nations on earth. The earlier you realize that gay people are normal just like you and i the better, it could be your mother, father, brother,sister,uncle,aunt, cousin or even your child so if you know you are perfect be the first to throw a stone.

  • itk September 27, 2010 at 11:22 pm

    abeg this babe should go n sleep. bella pls approve my comments cos this girl comes across as an attention seeker. if she really is zara emezi then she got married in july and is seperated already.
    How long does it take to know u are not bi. babe sit down, think hard and decide what u are really, then i suggest when u come to a conclusion u can come out to your family for the last time.

    • Fehintola September 28, 2010 at 9:19 pm

      My kind of itk..she got married in July 2010, and now this gibberish. Nothing against her being gay, but i doubt this is a real story. Perhaps fiction

      • itk September 28, 2010 at 11:14 pm

        it is not fiction. go on youtube she, he,they are now trying to be a man. calling himself eke and binding her breast(which is btw dangerous as it can cause chest pains and all sorts).
        the pple here, many of whom are christians are egging her on even though they are christians and are working towards their salvation are not telling this chic the truth. by trying to be a man she is saying God made a mistake.

  • Omada September 28, 2010 at 12:11 am

    Z all i can say is, if you are trying to find yourself or understand who you are, turn to God He will guide you.

    as Christians, most times we find it hard to react to homosexuality & I must admit we tend to overdo it sometimes. yes, the Bible teaches us that homosexuality is a sin, the same way it teaches us about fornication, lying, stealing, murder e.t.c but don’t listen to people that say God hates gay people, God does not hate gay people , He doesn’t hate anyone.

    I cannot judge you, I have no right to judge anyone, because ‘all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God’. God be with you and may He guide your path.

    • Lita September 28, 2010 at 7:45 am

      Indeed. I note noone commented on those declaring that they hated sex, enquiring as to whether they were married when they did the deed? Homosexuality isn’t in the commandments, but adultery is. Hypocrisy knows no bounds.

    • Kay September 28, 2010 at 4:06 pm

      Well said, Omada!

    • shade September 28, 2010 at 7:10 pm

      Exactly Omada!!

  • Anon September 28, 2010 at 12:13 am

    Matthew 7.1-5

    Mark 12:31 “The second is like this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

  • D.O.T.M.H. September 28, 2010 at 1:15 am

    Lord, all I want to do is make heaven. I want to ignore everything and everyone’s opinion and just make heaven. Please give me the strength to live my life daily thinking about pleasing You and only You. Let me dwell on what You think of me and not what people think of me. Let me live each day of my life in Your presence. Don’t give me the chance to stray away from you AT ALL because I know what I’ve been through. Lord, please help me, please. Let me remember that in my weakness Your strength is made perfect. None of me and all of You Lord, that is my prayer, please, none of me and ALL of You. I don’t want to care about the world and it’s opinion, I just want to focus on You, lead people to You and make heaven. Grace in abundance Lord, in Jesus name I’ve prayed. Amen.

    • Omada September 28, 2010 at 8:04 am

      Amen!!!

    • Gam September 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

      This is a nonsense prayer. It’s either you believe in the Blood of Jesus as payments for your sin or not. ‘I want to make heaven’ SMH. This is what people have turned a wonderful gift to.

      • D.O.T.M.H. September 29, 2010 at 12:12 am

        Lol @ nonsense prayer. To each his (or her) own.

  • Jiddah September 28, 2010 at 2:01 am

    If you can be open about your sexuality, we can be open with our comments. That’s what the comment button is for

  • Naijafairy September 28, 2010 at 4:50 am

    Look at all of you talking about our culture and religion. What exactly is our culture. That we perform rituals, that we believe there is a god of thunder, god of good harvest. That when a woman husband dies she should shave her head. That a man
    can inherit his brother’s wife if his brother dies? What is our religion? Worshipping deities? Or are you talking about Christianity, our borrowed religion. Are u talking about a white wedding , a borrowed tradition. All of you screaming God’s name, when did he tell you to Crucify Z. When did he say she had no right to be happy? When did he say, it was OK for you to live your life honestly, while she should live in denial so YOU can be comfortable? When did God, who said preached about love, limit what love should be. The argument about people and animals is just the height of ignorance. All of you that want to pray, pray. But, in the same way I am allowed to love a man, without having to explain why? Z should love anyone she pleases without having to explain why either. God is Love. Quit trying to live people’s life for them…

    • shade September 28, 2010 at 7:27 pm

      Exactly o Naijafairy. That is one thing that annoys and irritates the hell out of me when Nigerians start to spew rubbish on “culture”. Moreover most of the “culture” we champion are mostly stupid ideologies that oppress women. Like you rightly noted about our “culture”, what makes it culturally acceptable for a woman to prove she did not kill her husband by drinking the water used to bath his dead body? I tire for Nigerians. Must of us do not even know what our culture is. There is need for a major re-orientation in Nigeria. Although i may not agree with Z’s perspective on her sexuality, who i am to tell her if her beliefs are western or not? That is between her and God. And please let’s stop these baseless arguments about adopting “western values”. If you cannot present a more rational argument, kindly zip it. Last, according to the bible, sin is sin: from homosexuality, cheating, murder, to lying, etc. There is no big sin or small sin. On judgment day, God will not say those who committed small sins step to the right please and vice versa.
      * I could go on, but i shall end rant here*

      Z, I pray that the Lord God will give you the grace to find yourself.

  • fokasibe September 28, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Who am I to judge? I have my own sins so I can’t shout! BUT! We should all seek God’s face so we de not sray too far away from Him. Heaven HELP! I am not a suporter of queerness, but I do not hate gays….I still do not fully understand it I think. Anyway, all I know is live and let live…

    P.S
    God does not ‘hate’ gay people. He loves us all…He will punish, not like how he destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, but He will punish all sinners on judgment day. Thief, liar, fornicator, adulterer, murderer, all will be punished and no sin is greater than the other.

    • Omada September 29, 2010 at 1:52 am

      i completely agree with you. even though i can’t wrap my head around it or understand people who say they were born gay, i don’t want to judge. like i said earlier, God is the only one that can help her find herself.

  • jennifer September 28, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Hmmm………
    First of all, the only good thing about this piece is the fact that Z is bold enough to admit who she really is and is not hiding her sexual preference in order to fit in to society.Besides that ,she really does need help.Lets forget about western influence because at the end of the day its every man for himself and she would face the consequences alone.i am surprised at the way people are congratulating her for being a LESBIAN and coming out straight with it.What she needs is a loving advice to GET HELP!!!!!
    I hope i am not coming too hard on her but this is my honest opinion,no matter how many people that admit to being Queer or Lesbian or Gay it would always be WRONG.cos its a direct insult to the creator.very soon people who are obsessed with making love to animals would come out openly and say it and are you all saying we should also congratulate them for admitting it?What is wrong is Wrong!!
    Evil should never be celebrated for the sake of the younger generation because we are all these young ones have to emulate so we should be the people that we would want our kids to be .Every human being has the ability to control him or herself so at the end we are who we allow ourselves to be.my point??Z CAN GET HELP IF SHE WANTS IT BUT SHE WONT.WHY? Because she has found acceptance and would never feel the need to change but anyways good luck Zee.Like i said, i am not hating . just giving my opinion. May God have mercy on us all cos as far as am concerned , these are clear signs of end times.

  • jennifer September 28, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    pls people disregard d post on sodom and gomorrah it was mistakenly pasted

  • itsbetterIremainanonymous September 28, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    I dont see why you people have a problem with Zara/’Z’ being a lesbian or queer. I am straight but i dont see anything wrong with being a queer. Unlike most of you, these people have come out and decided to be true to themselves and not be what the world wants them to be or views as appropriate. And such people tend to live a free life. If you wish, you can pray for her till you die, its not going to change anything. God made Adam and Eve and left the rest for us to figure out, just like most other things on earth. “Remove the log in your eyes before you remove the speck in another person’s” & From the Bible; “Love your neighbours as yourself”

  • Tobe okoro September 28, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    U need to check weather u want to change or not.Tell ur self the truth if want to go on in life.Remeber that only in ur heart will u find God.

  • ego September 28, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    In as much as i undertand the importance of the right of each individual to have a sexual preference and for us to respect that (i do), i must say here the Z appears as one who is a chronic attention seeker, one who is dealing with deeper issues. It is difficult to understand where she is coming from and i believe this her confused state of mind does not help the caue of the gay people. You were bisexual, then straight, was in a r/ship with a man and open to him about ur sexuality and then you got married and separated? Come on, who are you kidding? your marriage fell apart and you have chosen to pretend to be a man to get over it. Why do i suspect you’ll be in a r/ship with another man soon? I think you like prick too much – that is ur preference please stop lying.
    Now for those who are really struggling, i am with you all the way. It is ur fundamental human right to be in a relationship without the state dictating to you. Our Maker Bless u all!

  • Realist September 28, 2010 at 10:18 pm

    I am a Nigerian, and I am a Christian, but above all i am Human. I know how much it irks me when i cant express a part of my personality because of “what they will say” (even though it is nothing as big as not being straight). So i applaud you on your decision to come out. I personally believe that Happiness trumps everything else. Do anything that makes you happy as long as you do not go out of your way to hurt someone else.

    LOL@ people saying homosexuality is the “west’s” problem. Ignorance is amusing. There was homosexuality in Africa before the white man came.

  • Neel September 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    In the eyes of God sin is sin. The real issue is people saying being gay is not a sin and is ok because it makes one happy, a lot of things make us happy and they arnt good for us, or are illegal and immoral. No one should judge but no one should also pretend that such activity is pleasing to God.

    Homosexuality has been in Africa since the ages but acceptance and encouragement of the act is a western invention. Millions of Africans every year willingly choose to enter into polygamous marriages, a lot of these womb are educated and skilled, yet this would be deemed illegal in most Western countries, where it is termed bigamy.

  • Neel September 29, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    * sorry I meant women not womb.

  • buffy September 30, 2010 at 4:44 am

    @lili, i agree wv u..ds issue is one dt confuses me nd i used to say i cnt be frnds wit a gay,bt nw i cnt say bcz truly is dr decision nd knw only God can mke them change..God help us to fufil purpose.

  • Standtall- The Activist September 30, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    We delude ourselves to think it is strange to have queer or gay in Nigeria. Many have even said it is unAfrica or that we are trying to be Westernize. There are people that are different among us regardless the age, the race or what they are made to belief. What has happened that is making us think this is strange is because gays are now talking about themselves and they want to be given their space and right and don’t want to be fenced in under societal constructions and norms. Z, I like your courage and your being true to yourself…

  • Realist October 1, 2010 at 4:48 am

    @Neel. (if you were not replying to my earlier post, which it seemed like you were, disregard this…lol) I never said it wasnt sin, or God condones it. It clearly states in the bible that it is a sin. But not everyone is christian, so i refuse to impose what my religion says on someone that doesnt believe it.
    So because Africans have been close minded for thousand of years we should be proud of it and let people keep being ashamed of whom they are?
    Yeah Bigamy is against the law but adultery or “open marriages” isnt. You cant compare homosexuality to bigamy. You could maybe compare gay marriage to it.

  • Nma October 3, 2010 at 2:27 am

    smh…so now because she’s bold to have “came out” people r all of a sudden empathizing with this? at the expense of THE TRUTH?

    Watch video below….there is such a thing as freedom.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmTiqcIbXrw&feature=player_embedded#!

  • star January 3, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    hmmmm…i still dont understand why a woman will leave a husband who obviously loves her all in the name of ‘i’m attracted to transsexuals’. that’s so messed up.

  • Melissa January 4, 2011 at 6:25 am

    EXCELLENT post Z. Your story is one that I can relate to in some ways and it’s great to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and more importantly that there’s a way out of the tunnel. I’m currently in the process of coming out myself and I’ve decided to save my African family and friends for last because I already know what their reactions are going to be sadly. And while I do understand that a lot of what they think about LGBTQ persons has to do with our culture, it still doesn’t sit well with me. I hate the fact that I cannot go back to my “home” country with my girlfriend and kiss her and hold her hand without having to fear for my life and hers. And I imagine it’s worse for the men.

    Even Africans that are second or third generation residing in the U.S. can still be found to hold the same prejudice close minded views regarding sexuality as their parents and grandparents. I think that Africans really need to learn to have RESPECT for other peoples differences… because we are not all the same. More importantly, stop trying to speak for God. Let him be the judge and don’t impose your preferences/views on others. Why are you so concerned about me holding another womans hand yet you turn the other cheek to the man sleeping with a child or the parent husband abusing his wife?? Something is not right there and we all know it. But it’s easier to deal with the trivial stuff, isn’t it?

  • tya March 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I know who I am! I do not change my identity with every change of emotion. This whole gay lesbian thingy is from the very pit of hell. No apologies! If Christians truly believe the word of God, their minds will be renewed and they’ll KNOW for a fact that all this have been spoken about in the bible. These are the last days- men are given themselves over to lustful acts and re-writing the normal course of nature. The reason women kissing a fellow woman is repulsive to an average human being is because it was not the way God created them in the beginning.
    Yes lying , stealing, etc are all sins…but that doesn’t make being gay or bisexual or queer any less sin. For that reason we do not condemn those who are queer like Zara because we do not have any standing to do so but we do not close our eyes as well and applaud courage for doing wrong.
    The same way her parents would keep loving her even though they do not entirely approve of ‘her new life’ is the way God loves her (even more ) but does not love the way she has chosen to live her life. I am not God but God left a book and if we read the whole book, and believe everything (not just take out the parts we like and leave others out) then we’d know what he wants.

  • DeeOne June 25, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    There is NOTHING normal about your condition.You were not created that way and your mum was right when she said it was a choice.I am not just saying this in relation to Religion or society,but science.The testosterone is what makes a guy a guy and makes him attracted to a woman(estrogen).When a man is attracted to a woman,changes occur in his hormones,same goes for a woman.NOBODY was created to be bisexual and it is nothing to be proud of.Geez,the world has gotten so twisted,it’s a shame

  • DeeOne June 25, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    From a biblical aspect,God joined Adam to Eve not Steve

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