Dear Guest, You Are Cordially Invited…But HABA It’s Not Your Wedding!
Posted on Thursday, June 2nd, 2011 at 12:23 AMBy Nolita
So last time I was on here I was talking about relationships.
This time, I am taking it a step further and I am talking about marriage…ok I take that back;
I am discussing weddings not marriage.
Today, the focus is not on the couple but on those very important people who supposedly make the day special – The Wedding Guests!
I travelled back to Nigeria for 3 weddings in May; 2 in Lagos and 1 in Abuja. I had lots of fun and caught up with old friends. I also marvelled at the advances that have been made on the Nigerian wedding scene. As P-Square would say “E No Easy O”.
Anyway, back to the guests, I witnessed so much bad behaviour that I just had to talk about it. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
Case 1
Bringing Uninvited Guests
One of the weddings I attended was a small (and very beautiful) invite-only wedding. The couple chose a small venue and ensured that their chosen guests were lavishly entertained. During the course of the event, one of the young ladies that was seated on my table, let’s call her Hauwa, went to “get her friends from the door”, what she failed to mention was that her friends were uninvited. Before we knew what was happening, raised voices could be heard from the door. She was having a shouting match with the bouncers because they “had the effrontery not to” let her friends in. It took several of the groom’s friends to calm her down, while the negotiations were taking place, she insisted that they call the bride so she could tell her about the situation, at that point, everyone just gave up and her friends were eventually let in. Since there were no seats from them, the waiters had to run around looking for seats! It was just too much. I just thought to myself…But HABA It’s Not Your Wedding!
Case 2
Getting Drunk! Champers ALERT
Yes, I saw this one too many times. Young ladies, young men, aunties, uncles – all drinking way too much at weddings! I know that there is a certain level of excitement that comes when we see “free for all” champagne and other choice beverages. I confess that I was caught up at some point. That said, drunk dancing/drunk flirting/drunk speeches at a wedding is just not right.
Case 3
Dressing Inappropriately
This should probably have been number one! One of the weddings I attended was a big society “do” and that day, I saw outfits that I just cannot fathom how and why that seemed like a good choice for a wedding. I sincerely wish I could put up some of the photographs. Extremely short, extremely tight and many ill-fitting choices. I am definitely not a prude but this was just too much. There was a particular lady who was my schoolmate from secondary school in Nigeria, I actually saw her at the church ceremony and she had to ask to use someone’s pashmina to cover her thighs because of the church officials asked her to leave. This also applies to men. Please adhere to the dress code of the wedding. Jeans and worn-out shoes do not cut it. Thank you.
This is a special sub-section of the Dressing Inappropriately bit -
Competing with the bride – No it is not ok for you to wear a white/ivory flowing or floaty dress to a wedding. All I have to say is …But HABA It’s Not Your Wedding!
Joining the train “by force” – This one is actually very funny. I heard a story about a girl who saw BB photos of one of the bridesmaids from her fitting and then went to make an almost identical dress! It’s Not Right, It’s Just Not Ok. I will also like to add the Aso Ebi by force people.
Though it seems as though Aso Ebi is now for the “masses” rather than close friends and family; you do not have to obtain yours by dodgy means. I have heard numerous tales about people begging friends (or even tailors) for scraps of the aso ebi fabric to ensure their outfit is aso ebi complaint. Need I Say More?
Case 4
Overfamilarity with the Bride & Groom aka Famzing
A few years ago, when my sister got engaged and leading up to her wedding, her popularity soared! I do not know what it is about weddings but I find that within our society, many just want to be close to the action. That is all well and good but on the wedding day, please celebrate but give the couple space!
I was on the bridal train for one of the weddings that I attended in Nigeria and there was this guest who – yes indeed is a friend of the bride but seriously she was not on the bridal train for a reason. On the wedding day, she basically tailed the bride – followed her to change outfits, carried her train, kept going to the gazebo to check on the couple. It was just too much! I know she meant well but my friend mentioned that she felt smothered by the unwelcome attention.
Case 5
Negative Vibes!
This is very important. Why attend a wedding if you are not happy for the couple. I spotted more than a few “side eye” glances to the couples. I also heard whispers like “Uhhh this decor is so 90s”, “They didn’t use enough fresh flowers”, “What sort of cheap champagne is this?”, “Eyahh I am so happy for the bride ooo, after all her runs in school, she has found a guy”, “Hmmm her dress is nice, she looks pregnant sha!”…All sorts! Please stay away if you are not happy.
Case 6
Posting Inappropriate or unflattering photos on Facebook/Twitter/BB
Yes oooo we know you were at the wedding of the year. Yes oooo, we know you are so close to Mr and Mrs that you were at their hotel when they were getting ready. Photo sharing is great but please consider your “friend”. I have seen so many examples of this. Sweaty photos of the couple on Facebook, Cleavage shot of the bride on BB etc…
Its is great to share photos…But HABA It’s Not Your Wedding!
That’s it! If you have any to add please do so via the comment box.
I will add this before I leave.
How to be a Great Wedding Guest
- Arrive On Time (& Bring Your Invitation)
- Pray for the Couple
- Buy a Gift for the Couple
- Dress Appropriately
- Be Courteous (Ushers, Waiters & Bouncers Inclusive)
- Have Fun!!
so true!!!
Nolita! Because of this article, I am in love with you! You are so on point!
So freaking true, some people just lack manners and it is thoroughly disgusting!
*Pashmina
funny article…Nigerians will alwayz be Nigerians i guess
But HABA it is not your wedding! Very true…
Oh Emm Ghee.. That picture one is the one I dislike the most. I’m a picture freak, and I love pictures a lot.. But when people post unflattering pictures of the bride and groom, I just ask myself.. Haba Why now?
If you were not fortunate enough to get a good picture, pls don’t post the one of the brides boobs almost falling out of her dress… [except of course if the bride's outfit was naturally made like that, cos lets face it, the dresses some brides wear nowadays, there's no angle that you take the picture from, it will still be unflattering]…
Another thing people do that makes me go “but HABA it’s not your wedding”…Picking up the bride and grooms money when they’re getting sprayed!! Hanhan.. Kilode?!?! If you want people to spray you, organize a party and you’ll get sprayed. Don’t go to people’s wedding and pack their money.
As in literally picking money that is being sprayed ON the couple.. Not on yourself oo.
I understand taking the money if it’s sprayed on you, but in general, not to be to praise myself, but when I’m at a wedding/party and I get sprayed while dancing with the groom/bride, I take the money and spray it back on the couple.
1. Battle of the Geles/ Jacquard Laces – Sometimes the mothers of the bride and groom may fight each other or may try to outshine each other in attire and dance. This happened at a wedding my sister went to. First of all, they both stacked up their ‘geles’, competing against each other to see who is decked out in the more expensive lace, till one looked like Madam Kofo and the other one looked like Madge Simpson. Then at the start of the reception, the mothers competed vigourously in dance while guests lined up by the sides; it looked like a scene from Step Up 3D! And for a good 20 minutes while the two mommas boogied, everyone forgot about the bride and groom!
2. The self-indulgent best man who forgets his role as a designated wingman to the groom and keeps trying to chat up the disinterested chief bridesmaid. This buffoon usually is nowhere to be found when the ring is needed for presentation, making the bride nearly eat her veil with anxiety. He invariably pops up on time however to give hugely embarrassing speech about he and the groom’s garri-soaking days in boarding school. * will type away on his Blackberry throughout the proceedings*
3. The distant relative who nudges the couple mid-train to report that he has not been served anything to eat. However take a look underneath his table, you would see 4 empty bottles of big stout, and several greasy plates with a few remaining grains of jollof rice and cow-leg bones. This greedy dude usually samples every item on the menu, and even makes sure he collects souvenirs meant for female attendees (kitchen utensils etc). You can forget about any wedding gifts from this one. His present to you is to minimise food wastage at the reception, and keep your decorated chairs warm.
4. The overzealous photographer (toto-grapher as my mate calls them). These paparazzi form a nuisance twisting and turning to take as many shots of attendees as possible at the church, then return with the photographs and negatives and demand payment. Some even insert the photos in a cheap frame, and demand a king’s ransom for them. Some even threaten to display your pictures in the front glass of their lab in Mushin if your refuse to pay for them. You would see them walking around the reception trying to match the faces on the photographs to individuals, sometimes stepping over people or squeezing between tables. A really overzealous one toppled over the wedding cake in an attempt to extract payment from the narcissistic best man
5. The MC that takes liberties. I could write a whole post on this one and maybe I will sometime soon. I know one who cracked some ‘tribalistic’ jokes aimed at a particular ethnic group, so much that the tension in the reception rose. After a while, these people seated in a part of the reception stopped smiling. Some of these MCs really need to give it a rest especially with laying into single girls during the ‘catch the bouquet’ sequence. Abi make the single girls marry themselves?
http://woahnigeria.wordpress.com/2011/04/15/say-hello-to-the-latest-couple-in-town/
like this is a joke right?! what is wrong with people? how can human beings behave like this..hian, Lord save us all
So so Right!
hahaha at the photographer one . Those guys do not take no for an answer at all…and they do hunt u down lol
I’m *dead* at d distant relative & totgrapher…. OMG teew funny!!!
lol,lol,lol………….u’re so funny and crazy, but right on the money
6. Struggling to get the N100 plastic bowl favour whilst wearing lace worth N1million
Dead!!! Funniest post EVER!
SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY! hahahah! step up 3d!
OMG laffing my butt off at the ‘distant relative’ and photographer. I no go die o.
lol, i am sooo with u on that… Definitely true
You sabi them well, i so agree with you.lol
Some MCs are Vile! I repeat vile!!!
http://youtu.be/vq0KQanIh_0
Really nice piece of words.
100% true those people doing this tins are just jealous…ad is that jealousin that will kill them…thanks alot 4 postin this topic…if l dey wedd any friend may go do l too know follow me..that mean she want disgrace….d worst part sm people borrow clothes to wear all in the name l want to look better…l nor no if na them dey wedd..
very very true
Some guests are fighting over food and packing some to bring back home for their children
lwkmd @ the person who sewed the dress as the bridesmaid… dat is an EPIC FAIL!! the whole write up ws really gud! i ws crackn up throughout!
nice write up, very on point.
Bellanaija, we need a love rating for this interesting article. I cracked up the entire time….wow…Naija for life. I miss you, but you’re a hot mess
Kai! lwkmd
LMAO…I know someone who does “join the train by force”….as in every wedding , her dress go resemble the bridesmaid dress….down to the style and color….I always thought it was coincidence till she called me to ask me about the color of my friend’s wedding.Mind you, she doesnt know my friend(the one getting married).She only knew the bride to be was from a rich family and that the wedding was going to be a society one….Some naija chics can be so shallow…it really is GROSS!
This post is so on point; had me laughing all throughout! I think it is important to remember that the wedding is about the bride and groom. Invitation only means exactly that!! Don’t go inviting random friends, It’s such poor behaviour!
http://thecolourcouture.wordpress.com/
This article is hilarious………it is because of these reasons that I hardly go to weddings.
I so hate the one of bringing uninvited guest. They can’t even try it on my wedding day, I’ll be the one to personally walk them out…..nice write up Nolita!:)
izia said..!!!
Two things that struck me; Nigerias still dont understand the concept of strictly by invitation, my wedding was strictly by iv and you shld have seen the way people were struggling to gate crash. Some people just stopped talking to me after the wedding!! I think we need to find other ways of enjoying ourselves rather than going to an event uninvited.
Second thing is the posting pictures on facebook. Some people look for the worst pictures of the couple to post on fb!! If you dont have nice pics, dont post……I think some of it is intentional sha
lol @word will u even know who came that day?
lol, this is hilarious..and so true! I was wedding planner for my bro’s IV-only wedding, and couldn’t imagine the stunts people pulled to get in…the bride’s cousin showed up with 7 uninviteds! I think it’s just razzness, illiteracy and hunger that pushes some people but seriously, people need to grow up!
so so truee…….hahahaha……..We all should really learn from this
Talking of this face book thing. It is even wrong to post pictures of other people on facebook, especially if you (doing the posting) are not in the pictures. Some people like to keep personal facts about their life as private as possible, that is why they set their privacy settings to exclude certain people accessing basic information about them. So posting pictures of someone’s wedding, child dedication, birthday etc without their permission is ‘icky’, worse so when you were even an uninvited guest at such a ceremony. For security reasons some people are very careful what they put on all these social networking sites for the whole world and their mother to see; especially so in a place like our Naija where ‘badbelle’ people are just waiting to turn something nice about your life upside down. Please seek permission from the parties involved before splashing their lives all over the place for badbelle people to take a shot.
I totally top that! I went to a wedding and the MC told everyone not to take pics with the couple (by the way, the MC did mention that this was the couple’s request). So, back to the previous post, its all about the Facebook BS….”let people know I went to a wedding and PS. I know the couple…lame but that’s what Nigerians do.
Unfortunately those dat find fault & run their mouth about someones’s wedding never hv a wedding.They end up leaving wit a man who never cares to knw her family nt 2talk of paying her bride price.
How about people fighting over souvenirs and food?
And for Pete’s sake, why can’t cameramen dress respectfully too? They show up in army fatigues and dirty tshirts and they just stand out like sore thumbs. So gross!!!!
Hilarious, I thought I was the only one who noticed this. You made my day AMAMA
i totally agree. those number 6 people need to be beaten!!!!!
What really got me about all this is the bad bele brigade – shockingly it’s not just women who do it, you’d find men and women mouthing off about all sorts.
It amazes me that some people who attend weddings don’t understand what it means to be a guest, sometimes they act like they are doing the couple a favour for being there, as though the paid to be there and should be treated like royalty. If you know you don’t want to be there – please send polite apologies and stay away. You’d find some irritating guests shouting, demanding and bad mouthing. The worst bit are those who fight for souveniers – seriously man – is it bucket and notepad that is doing people *kmt*
I’ve noticed that it’s the single babes who dress in rather revealing and scandalous outfits, i’ve come to the conclusion that this is some sort of code alert that they are single and ready to mingle…
I think grooms need to seriously consider the sort of person they choose to be best man, i felt extremely embarrased for a groom who’s best man could not even string words together to form a coherent sentence, his speech was atrocious, it was too long, didn’t make any sense at all, and got all the guest suspicious of the grooms, heard some people commenting he was probably into runs and drugs – as they say, show me your friend and i’ll tell you who you are…
Check out this post on being single and at a wedding http://msluffa.wordpress.com/2010/08/07/single-and-at-a-wedding
Hahahaha
I can so relate. The gate crashing one is the height. I mean its strictly by IV for a reason. What I don’t get is this: If you can’t get your friend(s) on the guest list why bother inviting them and getting yourself into a scene and embarrassing your friends n yourselves. The friends too have no shame at all. You know its a strictly by invitation wedding and you still carried your kurukere legs there…hia…I tire oh
Familiar People also known as Fam Spiros: Please if you don’t really know someone why crash the wedding biko why? You do not know how many people they budgeted for and you carry yourself there and begin to famz wiith people…Maka why don’t you feel funny…
This one annoys me: Souvenir Palaver…Abeg the wedding ought to be one to celebrate the couple. You never brought gift but yet you have taken one of each souvenir. Disgusting and beggy beggy attitude. Only you wants 10 goody bags (I exaggerate but you get my point) I went for a wedding where one of the souvenirs being given out were Avon products. This lady took cream, body wash, make up bag, blush haba…only you one…Hia
Outfits: I know some ladies go to weddings to catch men but hia…Biko you are spoiling the pictures with your club outfit…People run away from doing asoebi and run into these ladies that dress like they are going into Movida…Just dress appropriately…
Caterers: Are you taking the food home? I went to Nigeria for a friends wedding last year. Close friends of the couple sat separately and were served generously. However my sis and my mum sat else where and I was notified that they hadnt eaten. I’m like why now? Went to one of the serving stations and they said the food was over. I knew this was impossible because my friend didn’t want there to be food issues at her wedding so she made sure the amount of people she gave per head was multiplied by like close to 3. Just for them to give me two pitiful portions of rice and no meat. And I’m like guy seriously? He then open a cooler behind him and brought out two pieces of meat. I strained my neck and saw that the cooler was nearly full of meat but why now…..You have been paid…What irritated me was that the next day the caterer lady brought about 300 wraps of pounded yam, three coolers of rice and some coolers of efo saying that was the left over…When people didnt eat…My friend was so angry she said she just walked away…
Caterers please don’t ruin your clients wedding. It only happens once (Well for most people) Stop hoarding the food biko…Let people eat…
My experience I was so mad
Same was the experience at my wedding, the foolish caterer,brought to my house 3 coolers of jollof rice, 2 coolers of yam flour and others, as if i was having another wedding,my mum was so pissed she walked her out,Caterers need to check this trend!Another sad one is the relatives hiding souveniers made by the couple for distribution to guests instead of sharing it.A friend’s wedding was almost disrupted because of this until the groom had to leave the high table to warn his sister to stop spoiling his day and out came 10 cartons of tastefully designed souvenier.Haba, you wan sell am? its not even your wedding!
hilarious and sooooooooo true!
Trust me, the uninvited guests are the ones who steals phones, purses/wallet of the real guests and still appear very friendly…
gbam gbam gbam is all i can say..forgive me but i dont attend weddings unless i know the couple really well. also whats up with ladies begging for you tobuy aso-ebi when u barely know them.I met a lady at my tailor once and she asked for my bb pin.so we used to chat on bb..low and behold she has been disturbing me since to take her aso-ebi for n25k…is it proper when i barely know you? hmmm
U shldnt! Plus, I Thoth d era of ‘Aso-ebi has passed?
naija 4 real.na we biko
when planning my wedding i wanted something close nitted with just close family and friend.Lo and behold on d day d crowd was crazy even people i didnt inform intentionally.dt is y it is nt cheap getting married in naija.
what do u say about d well dressed guest whose motive is to steal.dis bcoming a norm,at a wedding party,someone ill always lose valuables 4rm phone,purse,jewelry and couple and there parents valuables is not spared.INTENDING BRIDE WATCHOUT FOR DIS THIEVES DY RE EVERYWHERE
I can so relate..i was maid of honour for my friends wedding and another friend who wasn’t even on the bridal train just plain took over my duties on the day,she didnt even come to the church cermony,only to the reception,and you should have seen her,following the bride like a hawk,thanking people for coming, picking up the money they were spraying the bride, helping her get changed etc, After a while i forgot i was maid of honour sef lol
I, on the other hand, went for a wedding where I was just part of the bride’s train…lo & behold somehow I became the chief bride’s maid from nowhere o! Original chief bride’sm maid was hopping around being pretty. I’m still royally pissed about it (hence the fact that I’m still banging on about it 2 yrs l8r, lol) but the only thing that’s tempered my vex small is the fact that the bride IS a very good friend. (phew, rant over.
)
my dear if i knew you, I’d say you just recounted my ordeal, leaving nothing out………wow!!!
so so true….i don laugh so tee so tee so tee……
i went to one wedding once and pple were fighting over souvenirs, and half of them did not even get anything for the couple, not that it should matter bt but HABA! it is not your wedding now! :/
Told my baby i want a small wedding. I believe in close knit family and close friend events, i also didnt grow up around a flamboyant mother so i am not one for crowd. But his family will want to raise the roof. I hope i am able to win this war, i really dont want any stress at my wedding. And it will definitely be something small and classy, extremely strictly by IV. “NOT INVITED, DONT COME; WILL BE TURNED BACK AT THE DOOR.” I want to start my life with my husband happy, and surrounded by lots of positivity and well meaning people.
I was just going to suggest that People put up “STRICTLY BY IV- YOU WILL BE EMBARRASSED WITHOUT AN IV”….it’s so annoying and it’s surprising that it is close friends and families that bring the extras. Everything said here is very apt!…struggling for sourveniours(even if it is just a jotter), wanting to get the attention of the couple (when you know they are already worked up- they will see you in the wedding tape and realize you came), girls wearing short and tight dresses(seems we have forgotten that weddings are actually formal events) photographers looking dirty and shabby, caterers hoarding food, …so many but the one that beats me is “I must be a bridal train wannabe”…is this for real?!?
LMAO!!!!!!!!!! All true and on point! But that sewing clothes in exact colour and design of bride’smaids is just overboard!!! Why would people do dumb stuffs like that, how would one feel, seating apart from the maids but looking dressed like? what’s the point?!
Then gate crashing is just terrible!!! Ok so it’s not a wedding, a guy who overhead my Aunt talking bout her 40th birthday party and was casually invited since he sounded offended that he hadn’t been told, came with four other uninvited guests!!!! For stars’ sake! It was supposed to be a classy bash with just about 30 guests and everything was prepared to the teeth for them, but this “daddy” came with overload!!!! Jeez!!!
Then people fighting over souvenir, so common! Caterers hoarding food, so common! Bad mouthing everything @ the wedding! Abeg keep ur opinions to urself jare!
I was really laughing out loud like a crazy person at work on reading the post & some of your comments. This is the reason why i have decided to have a destination wedding. At least, e go tay before person go crash that one. Before you get visa, talk less of buying ticket, you have to be really close to the couple for that.
To add to the souvenir list, i hate it when aunts/ mum’s friend and the rest are looking at people to determine who is befitting enough to get a souvenir and who doesn’t. I went to a friend’s wedding, and was sitting on the same table as my in-laws to be and their friends. This aunt came and gave all the “adults” on the table laundry baskets and just ignored me. When my soon to be mum-in-law asked for mine, said aunt replied, “We are only giving mature adults/ married women and mothers the laundry basket.” I’m like sho! see me see greatness o, since when did it become that only mothers used laundry baskets! Trust me, when she brought the laundry basket to me , i politely declined. Just 2 weeks ago, same thing happened at another wedding, but this time it was ankara being given out. I tire for aunties wey dey “use eye” give out souvenirs o!
i cant believe dis. so pple do dat? selecting who is befitting enuf for a gift, bt u will be a mother sumday, besides evry1 makes use of laundry baskets.
OMGEEEE! This thing of selecting who gets souvenirs happened to me too! The auntie was like, “oh this is only for married women and you don’t even have a boyfriend!” when I raised my hand to get one as she passed the personalized pens around the table. Seriously this woman I don’t know from Adam had the guts to yan rubbish. I was just like abeg ma, I have a carton full of pens oh, I don’t need oh, it’s not crucial. Hian! At another friend’s wedding what they did was just put souvenirs on people’s tables for all the place settings so everyone got a souvenir from the bride and groom. Any other ones passed out where specifically the ones made by the groom’s fam or bride’s fam. I think that’s what I would do at my wedding and take it further sef, if my fam or close friends made extra souvenirs we’d just put it on the place settings or on the chairs so guests got them aforehand and no beggy-beggy happens because it’s just embarassing for those who really aren’t begging and for those who are!
so so true
I CAN SOOOOOOOOOOOO RELATE. the thing i hate the most is when the mothers of the bride and the groom are competing for attention…like seriously???? not to talk of the guests who their presence is to talk about the flaws of the wedding…”oh! the bride’s dress is just there nothing spectular..oh! the couple would have chosen a different color or blah blah blah” ….like WTH??? it’s not your wedding why critize every lilttle thing. Get a life and maybe you can do that in your own wedding BUT please RESPECT other peoples wedding when you are invited
At a traditional marriage where after the families retired to eat, the groom’s family were invited to get their meals and they did. When they had sat down to eat (buffet set up) his aunt started calling the brides name repeatedly and loudly for her to get up to feed the groom. WDDDA?
ahhhhh you should be thankfulful for case 5 o! those are the jealous friends who even tried to make it (for whatever reasons)the ones who suddenly became enemies the minute they realized you were getting married nko? lool interesting write up tho
WhaT i know for a fact, its ususally family memebers that bad mouth weddings and friends who are just jealous. Go to a wedding , be happy for the couplecos no matter how a couple have planned if something goes wary there is just nothing they can do. Like the article
Really good article. I have read it like thrice already and it cracked me up every time.
I was at a wedding two weeks ago where they were “using eye to share souvenirs”. I wore the aso ebi, flew to another part of Nigeria to attend this wedding o. They only gave “mature looking people” the souvenirs and when one of us dared to ask why she was the only one on the table being served, she was told they were for aso ebi girls. She pointed out that i was wearing the aso ebi too and that the other chics on the table were all bridesmaids but we all chose to sit together on the same table cos we wanted to have fun. Grudgingly, more souvenirs appeared. Trust me, i politely declined. I’m not one for souvenirs though, esp when they share stuff i’m not going to use any way.
So i’m getting married to a pastor and i have made it very clear to him that the whole church will not be attending our wedding. We will invite those we want and some friends and family and it is strictly by invitation, everything is planned right down to seating arrangements and number of souvenirs so i wont be tolerating any gate crashing. The sunday after the wedding, we will take a layer of cake and lots of drinks to church for the congregation. It’s our wedding ceremony, not a church service. It took me time to win that war but i won. Why incur unecessary expenses just because you are getting married/you pastor a church?
If you are not invited to a wedding or any other function, respect yourself and stay away. Nothing just happens. And God bless the caterer if she hoards food at my wedding. She should kiss her balance good bye cos i will not be paying any vendor in full. Why mess up someone’s wedding because you are over-zealous?
Don’t you just love the way weddings are conducted abroad? Everything is planned, right down to the numbers and souvenirs. I hope my simualation of such weddings pans out nicely.
As for girl dressing indecently, tackily dressed photgraphers/vendors, over sabi friends and famzinsts…REPENT!!! lol
what abt money changers at weddings? smh
By the way, is it okay to indicate that you want cash gifts only during your wedding? My friend did it three years ago and another is planning to do it in september. Reasons being that her parents have bought her everything required to start a new home, as is our tradition and she and her fiance have taken time to furnish their home to their taste and they have a four bedroom house with not a spare room for keeping these wedding gifts which are mostly never used. We still have a room in my parents’ home where gifts from my two sisters’ weddings were kept. Over five years on, none has asked for those gifts… Just asking.
Nutella I know people do it and I think it is very ok. Especially for those who don’t stay in Nigeria. My friend had written at the end of the Iv…”pls cash gifts only . couple don’t reside in Nigeria”….cos at the end of the day (even if u live in Nigeria) it is just duplicated gifts u get esp the unnecessary like cutlerry and plate sets. Anybody nt happy with yr request can go jump inside ocean..afterall, IT IS YOUR WEDDING!!!..not thiers!
You’re right..it’s her wedding and she can choose whatever makes her happy. Thanks T.
lmao…haba this is clearly too much
First of all, abeg, do people really have IV-only weddings in Lagos? Such a wedding requires strategy – the parents of BOTH couples must be in agreement on that, if not, say bye-bye to such an arrangement – it def wont work. That’s the simple reality. On the issue of cash gifts, I was reading the stuff on one oyinbo etiquette website and they claimed its plain wrong – so probably make room in your home for all the unwanted glassware, clocks, plastics, etc. On the gate crashing thing, its def wrong, but who wants to be an original Naija girl like me and say they are not crashing a ‘parry’ where they are sharing BBs as souvenirs? (double wink).
@molara . point 1 IVs only wedding work, most definately work
point 2 , why lay a red carpet of insult for yourself, just because of a “BB”, shouldnt your reason for attending be to celebrate and share the joy with the couple and hopefully meet old friends and make new ones(not necessarily in that order)?
so value yourself more highly dear and let the “take aways” not be your motivation.
1) The silly clowns who crash the party to do their fake entertainment by force.
This also applies to uninvited entertainers.
2) The crashers who come to your wedding to harass your guests for contracts. Ok pls dont trail some senator or minister to someone’s wedding and be introducing yourself as the cousin of the cousin of the friend of the couple!
3) At a good friend’s wedding, uninvited guests yabbed groom tire about how he was wierd looking and see how he’s dancing, because he has found some where to chop, as per bride’s people have loot…BAD BAD!
4) Pls dont walk around to everyone’s table to collect champagne, wine and juice to carry home, lets be civil people!
5) the random aunt or uncle that u could care less about who wants to be noticed and is trying to usher couple everywhere, or take over the MC’s job
6) Breaking of the kola–This is for my Igbo people! Pls pls pls, spending an hr to break kolanut is very inconsiderate. We dont have to offer kola nut to every dick, tom and harry chief in a wedding of 800 people!
7) The silly MC who gets carried away, and starts making inappropriate comments about the couple…NO NEED!
Please dont fight for souvenir! You can go to market and buy umbrella, flask, torch light, cooler and all the random entities! Dont stop the couple and start complaining if you didnt get food or souvenirs cause the likelihood is they prob didnt eat and have no clue about anything!
Please if you arent cool with couple like that, dont be posting pics all over the place and tagging bride as her top is half exposed, and hair is scattered!
Kai my wedding in naija taught me o big time!
lol lol lol…too hilarious…u should write ur own article!
Hold up Ada. Every single bit of ur article’s hilarious except for the ‘Kola’ bit! In other words, it’s TRADITION so get used to it.
i especially like the *do not wear white*
seriously, if any shows up in white to my wedding, im getting you bounced!!! it’s my wedding, not yours…..
lol!!! I’m supposed to be at work but im actually laughing out loud. The post and the comments are plain hilarious!
LWKMD….Abeg we are too much!!!!! Fantastic article.
Guys,
See, we have not even finished posting the article, a gate crasher has reared her head. SMH over BB seriously, How much is this device… Don’t act hungry is unladylike.
I plan to have a strictly by IV wedding, No sharing of souvenirs. Like my father said, the royal wedding had no high table, no annoying photographers.
Any one who tries to be distasteful will and shall be removed IMMEDIATELY!
Na wa!, I’m guilty of attending weddings I’m not invited for maybe with a cousin or a friend. just maybe that saturday was boring and i had nothing doing. Well, i wont again, don’t want to be tagged!
This post earned my first comment on BN. I can totally relate!!! I happen to come from a big family so i knew that an IV only wedding wouldn’t work. all i did was prepare for them in advance. With enough careful planning, my most important guests had a lot of fun & ate to their heart’s content.
The venue decorator was my main headache. After contracting her mainly cos she had enough table covers in my wedding colours, imagine my astonishment when i entered the reception venue to be greeted by untrimmed and rumpled chiffons flapping in the cool breeze.
While negotiating, she told me my bill included the table cloths & then later told us it excluded them. This almost caused a fight between i & my husband. And then this…
Omo, i just plastered the smile on my face & ensured i enjoyed my day fully in spite of the gory sight (after all u only wed once). I ensured i didn’t give her her balance until a year & plenty fights & begging later.
Plus i don’t want to have to explain to my grand children why i was frowning so much on the happiest day of my life!
To all the would be newly weds, enjoy ur day no matter what happens. Don’t give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they ruined the best day of your lives.
I Love this! it just made my day LOL!!! Nigerians, their actions @ events never cease to amaze moi!!!
This article is brilliant, hit the nail on the head, it’s not only in Naija that this bad behaviour goes on o, I got married in England and i’d say most of the cases went down Mschewwwwww the one that annoyed me the most is the unofficial distribution of pictures, haba let me return from my honeymoon at least, I recieved bbm’s from distantfriends I went to university with saying congrats they saw my photos, all the way from London to Naij o that very same day!!! and those photographers!!!! my mother in law hired one that insisted that my husband and I cut our cake whilst we were slap bang in the middle of our first dance…Haba it’s not your wedding!!!
Oh and one last comment, this one is for the souvenir distributors, I know that you mean well but please please please get the spelling of both the bride and grooms’ name correct.
Not only will there be bouncers and security to throw out disruptive and uninvited guests,(by the way if u choose to cause a scene for your uninvited guests,you will be asked to leave-no exceptions;people who are your real friends will never be so inconsiderate to the point of bringing uninvited guests last minute;if they try that on my wedding day,our friendship will end that day), i will take it up a notch by not allowing any one in with a camera device be it iphone,bb,etc. The only cameras in that wedding hall will be with the paid professional photographers hired by me. My bouncers/security at the door will be required to search purses for any device that can take photos;such devices will be confiscated and returned to you when you exit the wedding. No one will be posting any unflattering photos on facebook of my wedding. If you don’t like it,go home. I will make sure the invited guests were forewarned on the wedding invitation card that no cellphones or camera capable devices will be allowed.
This article is really interesting and on-spot!
One can actually reduce bringing uninvited guests by making the wedding strictly by invitation and then giving seat numbers to guests with the aid of bouncers. Not just strictly by invitation but the guest list must be analysed . That will reduce the guests who dress near nude, unnecessary familiarization with the bride and thieving guests. As for mummies who compete for attention, both parents wearing the same outfits is fantastic. And finally a professional and experienced wedding coordinator will add some order…
Overfamiliarity with the bride a
what of the folks that actually bug the hell out of the deejay to play their own song choice, perhaps the deejay has been given a list of song choices by the couple, if u probably want to hear a particular song, just leave and plug in ur earphones and play the song on your ipod, and leave the poor guy the hell alone and am sure u didnt pay the guy, the couple may not share the same opinions as u in their song choices, by the way it ain’t ur wedding na
Re: Case 6. I just had this conversation with my mum on strategizing how not to invite some people who are notorious for giving facebook picture play-by-play of your wedding (one who actually did this at a burial. I’m not saying funeral service o! Pics at the burial site! SMH! Get a life!) They don’t even wait till after the wedding. Take pics with their BB/iphone, upload immediately to facebook. wtflip??! Couple dancing in *click* *post*, The bride just tripped over her dress *click* *post*, the bride and groom’s mothers are fighting *click* *post*Abeg for my wedding, I’m going have that announcement made o….please respect the couple!
Let me combine the famzing and souvenir issue. How about that aunt, mum’s cousin or church member who wants to “musttoshowface”. At my sisters’ trad, one of my mum’s church members decided to “direct the proceedings” of distribution of souvenirs and ended up fighting with one of my cousin’s who had been designated to monitor that. Because he was like WHO THE HEEZY ARE YOU??! SMH!
On crashing an invitation only wedding. I don’t even go when it’s not invitation only. If I don’t know the couple what am I doing there??!! Like how desperate can you be??!
OMG! Lastly, how about that one person who wants to appear in every pic??! At my bro’s wedding, this one uncle of mine decides he is not just part of groom’s family, but also friend of the groom, groom’s classmate, a parent of the groom. Zero shame! By the time it got round to taking the “couple and groom’s siblings” pic I was damn near ready to push him out of the pic as he decides to stand near me. Even after the photographer repeated it several times! But as per this “respect” thing, how do you say “errmm…..uncle please can you like get out of the shot?” without coming across as “rude”?
lol@the uncle that wants to be in every picture………seriously laughnggg
I once wore a short dress to a wedding but it was completely inintentional i.e. it was a new dress I just tried on that day and when I left my house it looked elegant and a very decent legth only for me to get to the event and the dress continuously kept riding up and turned into a mini. Hard to believe I know but I was too embarassed by all the stares that I couldnt even relax and enjoy myself. Everyone and I mean everyone was staring at me like some hoochie…Shame wanted to kill me no lie.
lolll…and “oversabi” friends trying to impress the bride by harassing the hair stylists and makeup artists,if you are soo good at it,do it urself!and stop asking for free hair and makeover services too.
OOOOOOO, superb article! Thank you!
Cant resist, the ‘aunty/mother/freind’ that tells the makeup artist that the look the bride has chosen is ‘too much arhh!’. Urrrrrrh, its NOT your wedding abeg!
hilarious! hilarious! hilarious! cnt just stop laughing and am supposed to be at work!
What eeks me most is people wearing sun glasses in church and reception. Jeeeeeeeez that is why they are called sun glasses and not indoor glasses.
Muahahahahaha this is too funny cant even read all the comments before I pass out….The one that kills me is when people who dont even know the couple like that take out time to make souvenirs just to famz (courtesy Lolade) and the couples are like “Who the hell is Lolade” buaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha *wipes tears*Happened at my friends wedding and she had only met the girl once thru her cousin….I didnt stop laughing till the next day…I love my country too much mehn!
Hahaha… I was contemplating committing a “Case 1″ offense next weekend… Guess I have to reconsider… but what is a girl to do if she has an uninvited (to the wedding) cousin visiting now???
Great articles, one of my favourites to date. Very funny
Case 1
Bringing Uninvited Guests
I agree that a its is a person’s right to specify who should and should not attend their wedding. After all, it’s their big day that hopefully only comes once in a life time. Yes, practically, organisation, planning and budgeting are factors, as well as a couples desire to be surrounded by their nearest and dearest on their big day. Let’s face it, nobody wants to look around and see a bunch of strangers on staring back at them on what ought to be one of the happiest and most memorable days of their life.
However, people lets be practical and realistic, the name of this site is Bella Naija… “Naija” giving reference to Nigeria. We are all familiar with the culture and customs of the Nigerian people I believe… I am YORUBA. IT IS NOT YORUBA CULTURE TO DO INVITE ONLY!!!!!!!!!! IN FACT THAT’S DAMN DISRESPECTFUL and laughable to an extent. It is Yoruba culture to come and see, come and rejoice, come and celebrate together!!!!!!!!!!
What I’m saying is a general balance needs to be struck. Let’s remember where we are from and not get carried away with all of these western ideals.
Case 2
Getting Drunk! Champers ALERT
Yep, if you must drink in public do it in moderation and not to the detriment of those around you, the venue, the happy couple or indeed yourself. It’s not cool, funny or smart.
Case 3
Dressing Inappropriately
Yep, I’ve seen the pictures… no comment. Dressing like they were punked and told they were going for a quick drink before heading to a club or something then got taken to a wedding. Clueless.
Special sub-section of the Dressing Inappropriately bit –
It is the job of my maid of honour to personally extract anyone who dares to ATTEMPT to upstage me on my wedding day. NEVER!
Joining the train “by force…. Call bridesmaids and the imposter for a picture then at the last minute tell the photographer to ask the imposter to step out of the way so that the “Official Bridal train” can have a photo with the bride. Also get the bridesmaids to constantly ask the imposter where she got her dress and what the inspiration behind it was!! The imposter will feel very daft and never pull such a stupid stunt again. Ok maybe this is not practical, but het I’m sure the imposter can be taught a lesson in some other way…
Obtaining Aso Ebi by dodgy means…. *Jaw drops to floor* no comment
Case 4
Hmmm, again maid of honour and chief bridesamde will need to do somesought of tagteam kombo sturves.
Case 5
Negative Vibes!
Yes BAD BELLY PEOPLE SHOULD GET OUT AND STAY OUT! USELESS ENEMIES OF PROGRESS! Icant stand people that cannot tolerate another’s happiness or progress. Altogether now “If you have nothing nice to say….”
Case 6
Posting Inappropriate or unflattering photos on Facebook/Twitter/BB
This is one of my ultimate pet peeves… not just in the context of weddings, generally! I do not understand, and I will never understand why someone will have the gumption to post a picture of another in a public domain without the person’s EXPRESS permission. Listen, Mark Zuckerberg (or whatever his name is) does not have all rights reserved over my face!!!!! I personally do not display pictures of myself on facebook and have very strict album settings. Why then do people feel they have a divine right from Mark to take pictures of me whilst I am out and about and tag me, or post my face!! Did I ask you? If I want paparazzi, I will audition for Topmodel, or something random and fame seeking like that. A BEG, don’t let the social networking revolution cloud your judgement people. Dont let it affect basic commonsense etiquette, boundaries or respect for privacy. I just don’t understand it at all! I hate it. AND YES THE PEOPLE that post unflattering pics are very inconsiderate, or just plain old fashion spiteful!
I especially hate it when I am polite enough to kindly ask people to remove such pictures and they seem to think they have a say in the matter, that its negotiable, or they opinon of ehether or not the picture is flattering should make me give a damn! Hissssssss
Yes I love this article NOLITA!
That’s me!
Lovely, i really do love your write up…on point.
Ha ha! Nice one Nolita. Makes me feel really close to home. The article feels like the plot of a 9ja movie to my imaginative mind. Gotta love Nigeria. Btw the“Eyahh I am so happy for the bride ooo, after all her runs in school, she has found a guy” comment was priceless(can’t stop laughing)!!
Hey 1 more: I was making my hair at a saloon once when I was in Nigeria and a bunch decent enough looking girls said that every weekend they get all dressed up and go round weddings with tupperware to gather the spoils.
My God, I love this!
You summed up ‘the Naija wedding’ sooo well
Absolutely agree with case 4 and 5, chaiii!
Kudos.
Standing ovation! Bravo! Bravo!
This article is soooooooooooo on point.
1.How about so many people bugging to take picture with the couple alone when you dont know each other personally.
2. a week after your wedding, a close family member whines about not eating at the wedding when she was sooooooooo in charge of the food. Funny enough it was a traditional wedding and the couples didn’t even eat.
3. Your photographer sends someone else to cover the occasion because had another job, didn’t deliver your pictures, no apologies and over a month later asks do you want your money back?
4.People fighting over who picks the money????????????????????? never underestimate that!!!
5. MCs that make embarrassing and extremely DRY jokes about the couple and the guests.
6. Beggars, random photographers and drummers (Lagos style). hmmm
7. One strange relative hijacking your wedding and changing all the plans you’ve been making for months and years even before you met your spouse(winking – for d girls)
8. Mothers competition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Many many many moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Just a bit of advice that worked splendidly for me. For IV only wedding like mine was after seeing some friend with gatecrashing issues, I just moved the wedding venue to a neighbouring town, 2 hr drive away, guess what I had no crasher.
Lets not forget the random aunties/uncles/family friends who bring random souvenirs that you don’t even care for like salt, dish washing liquid or toilet rolls (not tissue or paper towels o, toilet rolls)
Or people who want to pack food for their imaginary kids at home. Aunty I know all your children are in uni in jand, no need to pack food for them in nija.
Or people who spray the couple on their faces. I really hate that don’t know why. Maybe cos I see them smudging the poor bride’s make up …aarghhh lol
Or when Chief Lagbaja who the bride or groom has never met before insists on seating in front or the high table or other designated tables NOT for them.
u r so ryt, these guys are so full of it, in some part of the east, d que to get dia gifts, young ladies struggling wit old women. Here in lagos, aso-ebi has been turned into something else that people go extra mile to make sure the get aso-ebi for any high societal wedding. God help us all, amen!
I also went for a wedding in Ibadan. when food was being served, this very old woman took 2 plates (hers & mine) claiming the food belonged to her sitting mate. Guess what!!! She had none. Had to go & fight, beg for plates, food & meat before we could eat. Sadly, they didn’t get a caterer. I guess they thot they had reliable pple in dia family. What a way to find out. Enough pple didn’t eat.
Forgot to add that she eventually poured the food in a plastic bag for her imaginary grandchildren. I wonder how the fried rice survives the journey & gets to its destination unspoiled sef! Mchewww!!!!
Talking of souvenirs, at my wedding back in 04, over 50 people took my aso ebi (close friends, my father was a minister at church !!) and I left the task to a close friend to give out them their specific souvenirs to the those who bought the lace, you can not imagine how bad I felt, when a number of them told me after my honeymoon that they never got the gifts…I then made it point to buy those gifts again for them (thats just the kind of person I am) and never put my friend in that kind of position again! If it was plastics yeah, i don’t mind , but not 18 peice glass tumbler sets and the likes…and when I was greeting the guest, I wondered why she and her sisters had large black bags under her table…hold on, that hurt that she could do me like that…I was told it is a Lagos thing but it was in London!!
i av gotten soooooooo many ideas 4 ma own wedding.tanx BN
This post is so so interesting and so true. Why cant nigerians just get it??? I hate the gate crashing. If you were not invited- please stay at home!!!
I can put up with almost all the sins you mentioned but one, the Negative Vibes. I hate that! Hate it! And I gotta say, I hear it mostly from the ladies. Why in the hell are they critiquing everything?! I feel like shouting, “When it’s your wedding make it the ‘best ever’! Until then shut up!” Freaking pisses me off! Thanks for the good read though, BN
I could never have said it better. totally agree with every point raised.
I love the comments. They are actually more entertaining than the article which btw is hilarious. I attended a wedding just this saturday. It was well planned. The very realistic bride made prior arrangements for the uninvited guests that were bound to come etc. Everything went off without a hitch. The only problem was the hoarder caterers. The Bride was appalled to find out how many people did not even get enough to eat let alone all the expensive deserts she had painstakingly ordered. Needless to say, she will be blacklisting said catering service. It’s so bad that hired help will ruin the dream day you spent so long planning.
lol…….Gosh i av soooo laughed at this article and the responses. My word, dont we all have stories to tell from the weddings we av attended.. Well said author and every1. I av some to say myself..Im sooo always pissed with those overzealous photographers. you just got to the venue, trying to locate someone familiar and someone is in your face asking to take a ‘shot’ of you whilst your camera hangs visibly on ur arms??pschew!!
Second is them aunties! God save us from aunties who take it upon themselves to render the wedding planner useless and take over the whole thing!
Third is some annoying MCs who would crack dry, silly jokes and a new trend now is giving the couple unecessary, annoying assignments like “run towards each other in slow motion”.like seriously??God bless the MC that would try such rubbish at my wedding!
Lastly is the good ol’ sourvenirs, the reason for a lot of rancour at weddings! A lot of them end up as clutter but dont know why my people would still want to have it regardless..
About stating ‘cash gifts only’ on your IV..im seriously considering that option o..seriously!
hmn, attended a wedding only 2 find it is my frnds ex getn married 2 my worst …….. d sight is so disgusting u know
Dis is so true.
the article and several comments cracked me up like crazay! …i sha have gotten tips on hw2 handle a naija situated wedding
you are right. NEGATIVES VIBES ple dont go for a weddin when u cant hide ur envy. At my wedding it happened but i was happy cos i knew my hubby and i were d only two important persons and that weddin wont hold without us.
Love this article!! So true!!
But Haba when are you getting married too?!! loll
I’m impressed by your writing. Are you a professional or just very kwnoelgdeable?
luckily for me, i’ve not gotten to this critical age buh i know it rili pisses my unmarried elder cousins/aunties off when one aunty materializes frm nowhere at a younger one’s wedding and starts askin them when their own wedding will take place lyk they r gonna marry themselves or starts praying for them in front of a large crowd.