The Key to Fighting Jealousy & Other Self-Destructive Drugs!

Posted on Wednesday, December 12th, 2012 at 10:00 AM

By Zednani

What does it profit a woman to lose her composure over the price of another woman’s shoes? What does it profit a man to bellyache over how much his counterpart is earning rather than concentrating on counting the coppers in his own coffers? What does it profit one to meddle in the affairs of another, then peddle rumors one assumes as truths to all and sundry?

What really does it profit anyone to take Panadol for someone else’s headache? What is the point of worrying about what another is doing, earning, achieving or even involved in?

If I were to assign values to these self-imposed tasks and worries, when tabulated they would surely add up to a negative figure. It’s a waste of time, energy and opportunity.

If someone else occupies a position you would like to attain: learn from them, study them, determine what they did right to get there and if an opportunity presents itself ask them. And if they are not as good or qualified as you, determine what they did to get there anyway.

Determine whether it is something you should adopt or shun, whether your sensibilities say it is a smart short cut you are willing to take or a fork in the road you must ignore and go straight. We are in a whole new world where working smart sometimes pays more than working hard – sense over sweat is the 21st Century way.

If someone else is who you wish to be, emulate the positives that individual portrays and leave the rest alone. If you think that remuneration is unfair, that they do not deserve to have the position or possessions, then you are over thinking things.

To what end does one make judgment calls and determine how wealth should be distributed? If you think they do not deserve to be there you clearly were not the one in charge of hiring them, for if you were you would have made a different decision. So unless you have been recently promoted to Head of Administration or Head of Human Resources and it is currently your mandate to deliberate and potentially reshuffle employees, then you are absolutely wasting your time and energy dwelling on something that is quite frankly none of your business.

While you concern yourself with calculations of what another might be earning, you might be clocking another month with no pay. Life is unfair sometimes, and apologies are not owed from one person to another in matters such as these.

What you do owe yourself is to focus on yourself. To worry about whether you are earning what you think you should, if you are performing how you are supposed to, if you are even in the right industry or country. Do not worry about whether her shoes are fake or real, worry about how well you balance in your own heels. Do not worry about how much his car cost, unless you have plans to be behind the same wheel sat on the same seats– worry about getting your own to-do-list done and your own trophy possessions won. Do not worry about how poorly she may perform at her chosen profession, worry about the cues for your life’s curtain call and whether you are performing on the right stage at all.

It is easy to fall victim to such behavior, especially when life seems unfair, but the truth of the matter is victims by their very definition are individuals who are hurt, killed, damaged or destroyed and that is no state of existence for one who seeks success and self satisfaction. So rise above your fears and show yourself some love by focusing on what matters and thus attaining what you desire.

I may be wrong, but I propose that it profits a man not when he worries more about calculating what the occurrences in his counterpart’s life than focusing on his own life and times.

Photo creditmadamenoire.com

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  • 19 Comments on “The Key to Fighting Jealousy & Other Self-Destructive Drugs!”

    Comments
    • Jumi December 12, 2012 at 10:15 AM

      I absolutely agree! Thanks for such a concise write up on what I feel is our Nigerian issue of trying to “Keep Up With the Adewoles”. My opinion is that you are in competition with yourself and no one else. Everyone needs to concentrate on making themselves happier, more successful and richer not focusing on and hating on the people that are doing well.

      • nems December 12, 2012 at 3:32 PM

        Totally agree, I also believe most people’s jealousy stems from pride. If you think of yourself more highly that you ought, whenever someone has something you don’t you get mad and jealous cos they should have it when you don’t. Humilty destroys Jealousy!
        http://www.anemistyle.blogspot.com

    • Purpleicious Babe December 12, 2012 at 11:19 AM

      Well I liked the beginning of the article with “what profit”lol. You should have finished with what profits a man to gain the WHOLE World and lose it soul? Which is true… what is the point of gaining the world?

      The truth is, we live in a world where oppression and repression exists. I tell you this some people make it a duty to oppress and repress others based on their status be it financial or material.To say one is opening the door for judgement is the very least.

      I dont know if I agree with necessarily studying people as such and emulating them or their standards as suggested by the author, I believe in growth and serious mental development and it comes from observing yourself, knowing your own strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats (it place you to discover your true treasure). I am not saying we shouldn’t aspire or look to people but am saying be careful who you look to and admire (nobody knows the intentions and sly motives of men).

      As individuals we go through all forms of emotions but I believe it crucial to recognize this emotion and channel it towards the right energy. What am I saying? You feel a twinge of jealousy, KILL IT and dont hold unto it. However, be determined to be you and not give up on your dreams.

      Dont ever feel the need to fall under pressure or bullyness either through words or actions to match up to HUMAN standards. Humans will always demands and never stop…..

      Oh btw there will always be people that will always MOURN, remain JEALOUS, Never contended, always worry AND carry rumours and all sorts etc…

      Learn to be content, count your blessings and try to Be BETTER than yesterday

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

      • pretty December 17, 2012 at 5:52 PM

        Wow.. I loved every word you used here especially when you said we never can tell what people do and you want to emulate them. Been focused and knowing what you want and been content is the key to life.

    • Chizo December 12, 2012 at 12:46 PM

      just as an author wrote… we do the things we do , acquire the things we acquire not majorly because we want them, but to impress…Impress who? the other (Maybe your enemy).

    • Wealthy one December 12, 2012 at 12:54 PM

      It’s important to preach this daily. We must remember this daily. Teach our children’s, children. Lovely write up. Envy eats one up! It limits ones potential.

    • Benson December 12, 2012 at 1:11 PM

      I totally agree with the write up and Jumi’s addition.God bless their heart.

    • isaid!! December 12, 2012 at 1:16 PM

      Well said ! i have fallen victim to one of these i.e being judged for my achievements.If only we spend more time on our selves and less on criticizing others, we just might surprise ourselves !

    • cathy December 12, 2012 at 2:54 PM

      i quite agree with you.

    • X factor December 12, 2012 at 3:17 PM

      Fantastic piece

    • Goodnessme! December 12, 2012 at 4:54 PM

      Tell dem oooooooo @Zednani! Good Piece!.

    • Beentheredonethat December 12, 2012 at 5:10 PM

      Thank for this article. Work place jealousy is the worst. It hurts more when peple
      you thought were your friends are unhappy at your success. Instead of fighting
      others success, emulate them. My motto in the workplace is “Quietly dilligent with integrity”

    • Beentheredonethat December 12, 2012 at 5:15 PM

      And God knows the unexpected rewards it brings. I was saying the other day ‘we
      are all connected’ your focus should not be how to grab that role. More oftrn
      we assume we are all on the same level but that colleague may have attributes or
      qualifications that make them shine bright.

      All the best and see you at the top

    • ogags December 12, 2012 at 7:44 PM

      Well said. the only person you should try to be better than is the person u were yesterday

    • pade December 13, 2012 at 9:01 AM

      I so agree to the write up so concise. Work place jealousy and backbiting is a major demoralizer to achieving set goals. Not everyone can work at the same pace but for other people to be envious of your achievement to the extent of saying bad things to the bosses cos they are closer to them is just terrible. I wish we can all just walk in greet , do your job and go, no personal conversation or chit chatting in the cafeteria .
      My watchword is do your job no familiarity with colleagues and let God crown your efforts. SHIKENA

    • jyde December 13, 2012 at 6:48 PM

      If only i could have a woman who earned more than me.Mehn heaven on earth.

    • Anthonia December 14, 2012 at 2:35 PM

      Nice comments from most commentator. Atimes I ask my self; what life is all about? I believe that my very utmost essence of living is to praise my Creator (the that has been him, who brought me here and who will remain here even when I go) and then live to be a blessing to those am able to reach out to (especially my family). Although there is no perfect being, we all have the tendency to be jealous, angry, lie and cheat atimes but we shouldnot allow negative attitudes to define us. We should live with contentment and a heart of gratitude for every blessing that come our way, that way I think our lives would be great.

    • NK December 14, 2012 at 5:46 PM

      that’s your own conception, mine is different

    • Amdi December 15, 2012 at 4:56 PM

      Who is the writer admonishing here? All the comments here have presented a picture of people responding as the victims of these envies and jealousies…who is the third or second party referred to as the oppressor or the victimizer…Ok let me be the person causing the whole nuisance…I have bn jealous and envy of my friend. Now I know doing that limits my own growth I will stop it forthwith. Do the same and workplace backbiting will significantly reduce.