7 Reasons My Boyfriend Should Get Me an iPhone For Valentine’s Day

Posted on Wednesday, February 13th, 2013 at 1:43 PM

By Osayi

Okay so I don’t have a boyfriend, but I was thinking if I had one, I’m sure he would get me an iPhone. But just in case he needed some reasons to nudge him along, I would give him 7 great reasons. Ladies, please feel free to share this list with your man too.

1. He’s the only cockroach in my cupboard
The problem with young ladies today is that they spend too much time with too many different men, hoping that by spreading themselves around they will be able to make enough money to live the kind of lifestyle they want to live. The problem is that guys know when they are not the priority in your life, so some of them (if they really like you) may try to win you over by doing more and more for you, but most of them will just treat you like a side dish, and only use their spare change for you. But since my Lover Boo will be the only cockroach in my cupboard, the only one I spend my time thinking how to make happy, and feel special, then I know he will appreciate me enough to buy me an IPhone.

2. I love his mother even more than I love my own
Ladies, you know how guys are about their mothers. The woman who breast fed them for many months (and many years for some), the woman that risked her life to push their big gigantic weird shaped heads out of her womb… yes oh! That woman. I’ve already decided that I will love his mother, maybe even more than I love my own. If the woman tells me to jump, I will ask her how high. If she tells me that my dress is too short, I will ask if I can borrow her clothes. If she says that I need to spend more time with Jesus, I will ask her if she would like to be my prayer mentor. I don’t care where she is in the world, but I will visit her at least once a month, or maybe once a week, if she is close by. Even if she says I’m annoying I will ask her what I can do to stop being annoying. She will not find a better “almost-daughter-in-law” than me oh!

3. I cook for him and his family every Sunday and wash his clothes every Saturday
I just pray my parents are not reading this post right now because they have been trying to get me to cook for them, and wash their clothes, but as you all know, I’ve been very very very busy! Nevertheless, for my Lover Boo, I will cook whatever he wants me to cook for him. Is it Nigerian food, American food, Senegalese food, Martian food? It doesn’t matter, as long as I have the internet, I can find the recipe and cook for him, because his wish is my desire, especially around this Valentine’s season, and especially since I still don’t have my iPhone.

4. I buy him expensive gifts all the time
You people may be thinking “ahn ahn, if you have money to buy expensive gifts then why do you need him to buy the phone na?” Well my dear friends, let me explain. First of all, by him buying me the expensive iPhone, he is proving his undying love and affection and commitment to me. And then of course, “expensive gifts” are in the eye of the beholder. So depending on my income sha… buying a bag of M&Ms may be a very expensive gift for me oh. But anyway, it’s the thought that matters the most.

5. I wash his car
Yes o! my Lover Boo must have a car. I know some of you may be saying ahn ahn, that is so unfair, there are some good men out there that don’t have cars. Well since I’m such a generous person, I will leave those good men for you. For the rest of the good men with cars, please contact me if you’re unattached. Please I said unattached, not separated, engaged, contemplating engagement. No I mean emotionally, mentally, physically and everything else unattached, those are the only ones that should be trying to approach ladies. And for the rest of you that call yourselves single, but you have women that think the two of you are attached, shame on you. But anyway I digressed a bit. For my Lover Boo, I will wash his car for him at least once a week, but if my job people don’t mind me coming late to work on occasions, I will take the journey to his house early in the morning, no matter where he lives to wash his car, just so that he can have a nice sparkling car when he goes to work, and he can tell everyone that it’s his honey chocolate that washed the car for him, especially that one girl at his job (isn’t there always at least one) who tries to flirt with him. [insert eye roll]

6. I won’t be on Blackberry chat
There are so many relationships that breakup because of social media. The guy is talking, and the girl can’t hear because she’s on Facebook, or Twitter, or she is BB chatting. Haba! Why would you do that? Me on the other hand, if my Boo lover gets me an iPhone he won’t have to worry about me bbing anybody, since BB chat doesn’t work on the iPhone. It will just be me and him against the world. Okay maybe I will be using Instagram, but it will only be because I will be sharing pictures of my handsome Lover Boo with the world. And okay maybe I will be on Facebook and Twitter, but it will only be because, I have to let people know how in love I am with my Lover Boo. And maybe I will be on Pinterest, but it will only be because I want to share my wedding planning ideas with the world so that when my Lover Boo finally proposes I will be ready – I will not be slacking like those other girls. No not me! I am a good daughter of a good mother!

7. Finally, finally, finally. My Lover Boo should buy me an iPhone because he loves Jesus
Yes oh! I could end with that he loves me and I love him, but I think the greater love is the one he will have for Jesus. Jesus said give and whatever measure you give is the same measure that will be multiplied to you (my paraphrase). So if he wants to be successful in life, he better treat me well, and take care of me, otherwise success will not come to him. But I know because he loves Jesus, and he trusts Jesus to provide for his needs, my Lover Boo would not mind emptying his bank account to make sure that his Honey Chocolate has the iPhone of her dreams. And that is what I like to call the truest kind of love – Me and my iphone.

Ladies, please feel free to share this list with your man. If you have not done anything on the list, it’s not too late to start, at least around this Valentine’s season. And please let me know how many phones your man ended up buying for you.

*Editor’s note
This is meant to be a fun piece and NOT to be taken literally ;)

Photo creditwww.essence.com
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Osayi Osar-Emokpae will have a Lover Boo any day now, and she knows he will propose with an IPhone. She is an author, speaker, creative genius, social media enthusiast, and some other cool stuff. She is passionate about relationships, and changing the world by changing herself. You can get a free excerpt of her book here: “Impossible is Stupid,” a book that encourages singles in their search for fulfilment and for finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, or subscribe to her blog. Free book excerpt: http://impossibleisstupid.com |Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iyasostuff | Twitter: https://twitter.com/iyasostuff | Blog: http://iyasostuff.com

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  • 69 Comments on “7 Reasons My Boyfriend Should Get Me an iPhone For Valentine’s Day”

    Comments
    • linda February 13, 2013 at 2:08 PM

      You just killed me with laughter.

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 3:52 PM

        Thank you o! it was my pleasure writing it.

    • sade February 13, 2013 at 2:13 PM

      lol…. hillarious piece

    • Annie February 13, 2013 at 2:27 PM

      Hilarious…give these reasons to any guy and he would know you are a scam, haba, all these reason no carry weight abeg…..anyway me i want a samsung galaxy for val, no sorry i want a venza car or infinity 2012, i will love u with every breathe i ve got if you get me that..lols..we are all dreamers sha but again God answers prayers we least expect Him to answer.

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 3:56 PM

        LOL! It’s not scam oh! It’s love oh! This is a fool proof guaranteed list… guaranteed to work for any expensive item you may need for Valentine’s day ;-) (*It’s not guaranteed at all oh! It probably won’t even work.)

    • belinda February 13, 2013 at 2:28 PM

      This is a very funny post… Well done!

    • Mimi February 13, 2013 at 2:32 PM

      :) good one!

    • Berry Dakara February 13, 2013 at 2:33 PM

      LOL! Good one :)

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:14 PM

        Thank you Berry! You know I love your writing. I want to be like you when I grow up.

    • nich February 13, 2013 at 2:36 PM

      i agree with this girl……the only key to a mans heart is a display of humilty by a woman………it would bring any mans heart to judgement……………..

      i want to buy this girl the iphone……….which country does that girl live….is iphone really that good cos personally is not my thing…………i think samsung galaxy note 11 is the gem

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 3:58 PM

        Samsung galaxy is too big for my gentle and dainty fingers…
        But please feel free to send me the IPhone as soon as possible! Eshe gon! :-)

    • Funke February 13, 2013 at 2:37 PM

      funny….true Nigeria babe..lmao

    • omolola February 13, 2013 at 2:55 PM

      LMAO. Thank you BN for letting people know that it is a fun piece and not to be taken literally otherwise some people will just kill the author.

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 3:59 PM

        Na joke oh!!!! thank you Omolola. Thank you :-)
        (I think Tongue-in-cheek is the way it would be described)

    • Joy February 13, 2013 at 2:58 PM

      Hilarious!!!I couldn’t stop laughing

    • ruth February 13, 2013 at 3:07 PM

      ewo!!!!laff don burst my belle o!who eva tks dis seriously is soo doomed.lol.wow i had a gud laugh with dis write up.

    • sunshine February 13, 2013 at 3:09 PM

      This piece is hilarious. The writer’s sense of humor is refreshing. Good job!!!

    • tammy February 13, 2013 at 3:11 PM

      Lmcao. I like… Very very hilarious.

    • Alex Obiora February 13, 2013 at 3:18 PM

      Hmmmmm……. Nice one but…………iphone???

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:00 PM

        Any Apple product is worth it!

    • nnenne February 13, 2013 at 3:24 PM

      lmaoooooo. very funny. the mother in law part got me laughing real hard. nice one. meanwhile can somebody tell my ex to give me the phone he got me before we broke up?? we still talk and he said he will still give me the phone but its taking forever! i’m tempted to go buy one for myself but if i do, he will complain. *sighs* umu nwoke sef!!!

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:04 PM

        Ahh… did you wash his car? :-)

        • Alexia February 14, 2013 at 10:03 AM

          Dear God…my stomach is aching…EL -OH -ELLLLLL!!!!!

    • estili February 13, 2013 at 3:27 PM

      Come to think of it what are those special things we do for those we love.we want so many things but what sacrifices are we willing to take?it calls for reflection

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:02 PM

        Thank you Estili! This is only a slight exaggeration!

    • yelosisi February 13, 2013 at 3:31 PM

      abeg i want peeeeeeeeee, where is d rest room, LWTMB lyk seriously, 9ize1

    • Simya February 13, 2013 at 3:44 PM

      LMAO…Because he loves Jesus o…that one sounds like blackmail

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:25 PM

        LOL it’s not blackmail. It’s love ;-)

    • oluchy February 13, 2013 at 3:59 PM

      Very funny,good one.

    • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:02 PM

      Abeg no pee for body oh!!!

    • dont mention February 13, 2013 at 4:15 PM

      hahahahahahahaha…..very funny. love your sense of humor dear. now if only i could really present such a dubious list to my man…hahahahha. dem go follow me with motar stick..made my morning.thank you
      vikkyscreed.blogspot.com

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:52 PM

        Thanks dear! I’m glad I could help this fabulous “almost-Valentine’s-Day” Morning :-)

    • Shenille February 13, 2013 at 4:45 PM

      Osayi, love your write-up and you just nailed it. most girls think that guys should be the only one to get them EXPENSIVE things. for me I call it investment. I buy smthing that is expensive because I knw he will reply with a more expensive thing. trust me it works all the time. anyway I am happy created time to reply almost all the comments which is smthing I dnt see from writers. as you told sm1, I went to be like you when I grow up

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 4:51 PM

        *awww blushing* Thanks dear!
        I truly appreciate it :-)

        • Shenille February 13, 2013 at 4:57 PM

          you are welcome

    • Okechukwu Ofili February 13, 2013 at 6:16 PM

      Osayi! Only iphone!

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 8:39 PM

        Is only IPhone I need to make me cool like you o!

    • Omojeje February 13, 2013 at 6:20 PM

      I love Osayi! Whoever you are, you just lured me in your world..I was laughing like an idiot on the train reading this. You are truly blessed with brains. Kai! What should wives now do? Hmmm since he gave me an iPhone for Christmas, my next stop is a Ysl cabas chyc( in Large oo). I better start bathing him,brushing his teeth and dinner plus breakfast in bed from tonight oo. Lmao! Trust the guy will be scared as hell to think this sudden extra love is a scam especially from me hahahahaha

      • Osayi February 13, 2013 at 8:40 PM

        Omojeje… ahh…yes o! you need to bathe him and brush his teeth… haba what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t do that for my husband??? (na joke*)

    • AMEN February 13, 2013 at 6:25 PM

      hahahaha…cant stop laughing

    • Que February 13, 2013 at 9:38 PM

      I’ll resist being a kill joy in d spirit of the season… @ least I got to the end..Happy vals day everyone…<3

    • NK'S PASSIONS February 13, 2013 at 11:02 PM

      Lol!!
      This is really nice :)

    • molarah February 14, 2013 at 12:39 AM

      Choi! And when I clicked this I thought this was one of those tecchie articles selling us the wonders of the “hai”-phone.

      In spite of the fact that this is a fantasy write, I think for most guys, no 6 would be a VERY good reason for them to get their girls an iphone (lol).

    • tido February 14, 2013 at 12:52 AM

      lmao…thank God its a joke..hian..jonzing scale mehn.

    • No Long Thing February 14, 2013 at 4:21 AM

      If my Gf did all this, I wouldn’t get her an iPhone, I’d buy her a house!

    • Andresile February 14, 2013 at 8:20 AM

      Osayi do you know what you just done to my relationship? You just added salt to an injury! My GF has been on my neck since December bcoz of an iPhone. When she read this article, she referred me to it and said NO iPHONE, NO VALENTINE! These Ugandan Chiks are very Hard when it comes to those things! Please advice them!

      • nnenne February 14, 2013 at 12:06 PM

        lmaoooooooo. pls get her the iphone for peace to reign but that should be if u can afford it. :)

      • Osayi Osar-Emokpae February 14, 2013 at 7:12 PM

        ha! Andresile sorry oh!
        But see my article does not say nag na… I didn’t say keep asking na… I said be the best GF you can be and he won’t be able to help himself… chai!

        Shout out to all my Ugandan sistahs!!! I have nothing but love and respect for y’all :-)

    • GoldenBarbie February 14, 2013 at 1:10 PM

      Dear Osayi, my heart simply went out to your piece! I laughed really really hard and out of curiosity have explored your sites and works! You go girl!! As cunning/simple as the piece sounds…its making someone’s day, and giving others a cue!! IMPOSSIBLE IS STUPID!! …suffering Lagos stress? grab ya copy now *back flip*

      • Osayi Osar-Emokpae February 14, 2013 at 7:15 PM

        GoldenBarbie! God bless you and your generations!
        Thank you. I truly appreciate it. :-)

    • moi February 14, 2013 at 1:12 PM

      this is awesome!!!!!!!! ur sooo on check

    • Tiki February 14, 2013 at 5:27 PM

      Oh my word, ROTFLMBO! If I did all this, my bf will definitely suss me out o! But I’ll try sha – thing is, no be phone I want, na car. Any additional tips? coz the car I want cost pass iPhone gan!!!

      • Osayi Osar-Emokpae February 14, 2013 at 7:09 PM

        LOL… yes oh! you pass iPhone… okay one secret additional tip that will ensure you get the car you want.
        - Start watching any sport he is interested in with him, and if he attends games or he participates in the sport start going with him… if you want to really really get his attention, ask him to teach you about the sport…
        o girl! you will be driving two cars at once before you know it :-)
        (*Na joke o)

    • kimjim February 14, 2013 at 9:52 PM

      This piece got me lol… Nice writeup though.

    • Jamce February 15, 2013 at 1:00 AM

      Creatively humorous. Great stuff coming from real Naija people, not the fake “been to”. There is hope for Naija.

    • Tope February 15, 2013 at 2:27 AM

      Osayi, sorry o, I know this is hilarious, but it feeds the stereotype, even if it is through comedy. Why can’t the woman too buy an expensive gadget for her man too, abi. If you are going to do all this, you may as well save your breath and energy and simply buy him some huge expensive gift, preferably a gadget and he will love you die. Personal story, I got bobo one a few months ago (won’t mention what it is), and he almost fell off the chair when he opened the box. Sufficed to say, he has been behaving himself gaaaaaaaaaan since then, and I’m even more appreciated, without doing all those hilarious things you wrote. You know even before you wrote this post, some girls already do that, all in the name of making sure he spends on them wella. Tip number two, if you will not do all these for your father that has raised you since birth, abeg go buy the Iphone by ya self. If you can’t afford it, and daddy can’t afford it, oda nigba na, your BB Curve 2 is still working. Lol. Sorry to be a kill joy, I’m just a little miffed that even through comedy my fellow women are still paraded as materialistic beeeches.

    • tomeloma February 15, 2013 at 10:30 AM

      Good Osayi…Yes o! my Lover Boo must have a car. I know some of you may be saying ahn ahn, that is so unfair, there are some good men out there that don’t have cars. Well since I’m such a generous person, I will leave those good men for you….did it for me, thumbs up girl, tempted to reward you with an iphone but then it won’t be the same.

    • Uchenna Valentine February 15, 2013 at 2:32 PM

      hii

    • Tomi February 18, 2013 at 11:27 AM

      I couldn’t stop laughing. Nice 1

    • eloquent February 18, 2013 at 3:14 PM

      ole barawo

    • Nwadiuto February 19, 2013 at 2:42 PM

      This is so so funny, Osayi pls what would you do when you want a trip abroad or a car? smh i cant even think bout it else i’ll fall down frm my seat laughin and my boss wud catch me. So tryin to put on a serious face while typing. Nyc one

    • Derry February 20, 2013 at 10:38 PM

      This is Hilarious. LWKMD, Osayi, Osayi, Osayi….. how many times did I call you? Your list is not complete. I need tips, as what i want is a BMW Z4… winks

    • nwando February 21, 2013 at 2:24 PM

      Osayi you’ve just killed me! hehehe! I just might adapt this list and see if it works just for the heck of it. nice one girl!

    • Zee February 22, 2013 at 8:43 PM

      This is too funny!! nice one! It’s not too late to try it out or is it? Boo needs to watch out cos I’m coming for him with this list…doesn’t have to be valentine..could be for “Happy New March” yh?