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Its been a while since we’ve had a ‘discussion’ on BN.
My best girlfriend, my mum and I talked about this over the weekend and as you might have guessed some other factors have contributed to making this our hot topic.
So here goes – ‘Why do women hate on women?’

I know its not ALL women and I am not trying to generalize.
It appears that women are the harshest critics of women. We see it all around.
From the office – ‘I’m so happy that I work with an all-male team….’, ‘I’ve only had a female boss once and it was hell!’
From the gossip columns – ‘Miss ABC was spotted canoodling with 3 guys at Club BBC’ story by Mrs B
Amongst your ‘friends’ – A: ‘Awww Bola is getting married!’ B: ‘Ummm really Thank God for her after she has slept with half of London’
On Bella Naija comments – LOL…I dont need to explain this one

Will love to read your thoughts on this? Is this a myth or does this ring true.
Any experiences? How can we change this.

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  1. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 6:00 am

    It makes me wonder too. Maybe too much estrogen

  2. TMinx

    August 6, 2008 at 6:14 am

    Oh and as for changing seems like its here to stay. I think a lot of it stems from insecurity and low esteem. I call it the ‘Does she think shes better than me?’ syndrome lol. I remember a lady not letting me in her lane while driving in Nigeria. It was crazy, she was really guarding her territory like it was going to kill her to let me in and this happens a lot.

  3. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 6:23 am

    dunno… but the gossip cloumnists that women in Nigeria are deadlier and you get the feeling that some of them wish they were in the celebs shoes. A lot of blog readers are also very guilty. have u been to a site called naijarules, the venom these women spit is unfucking believable

  4. Ms. Catwalq

    August 6, 2008 at 6:41 am

    I have a theory that it is all about the “divide and conquer” attitude. If you put another woman down, you eliminate her as competition and in a society where your identity and existence appears to be dependent on your ability to eliminate as much competition as possible, what you find is that the women view each other as opponents rather than counterparts. It is all about making sure that the woman is not as “attractive” as you. We don’t celebrate each other’s accomplishments and when one of us makes a mistake, we throw her to the dogs.

    Personally, I don’t like to hang around groups made up primarily of women for long periods of time. For one, I am not a typical conservative female and so most times, my opinions do tend to put me at loggerheads with other females.

  5. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 6:41 am

    it’s so true it’s no myth.
    i wonder why and ‘m always checking to make sure i give another sister some slack hoping ‘ll get some slack from another. it hasn’t happenned yet. my female boss is always on my case and i daresay for the flimsiest of reasons, reasons that can slide when its the guys.
    i guess like tminx said, she guarding her territory and seeking to destroy me seems to be the way she’s going about that.

  6. shola pacheco

    August 6, 2008 at 7:57 am

    i totally agree wit miss catwalq,its a divide nd conquer world…lol,bella how u doing ?

  7. Ladybrille

    August 6, 2008 at 8:35 am

    A discussion I have had one too many times with family and friends, girlfriends.I want to know why. Responses that come up:

    1. Nature-which Ms. Catwalq’s point eloquently captures. Divide and conquer indeed. A personal policy of mine, I draw the line when it comes to competing for men. I just can’t and won’t do that.
    2. Lack of confidence
    3. Envy/jealousy–Tminx’s point of “does she think is better than me?”
    4. Raised to believe we should protect our sisters, mothers, cousins, aunties etc BUT not outsiders.

    There are lots of great women groups out there. Someone like Supermodel’s Tomiko Fraser’s Goddess gathering in LA. She is just soooooo positive. If we women, esepcially African women supported each other, we would achieve so much more. After all, men do come and go but sisters stay together. 🙂

  8. pink gloves

    August 6, 2008 at 10:12 am

    it has a lot to do with insecurity, and it is very easy to fall into the trap and Join them.
    Idleness is a big part of it too. When people dont have anything to do with their time, they find time to gossip. I try my possible best to stay busy and Positive. Encourage pple, and not put others down.

    I grew up in a house full of males, and when u see guys, they never fight each other, or talk about each other. Instead they usually group together and do things progressively. But women cant seem to get it right. I guess also the fact that many are competing for the same attention.

  9. Nigerican

    August 6, 2008 at 10:22 am

    It’s the nature of the beast… not like I’m calling us beast or anything, but that’s just how we act towards one another. I don’t know how someone can find joy in another persons misery. When I moved to Cali, I used to hang out with 4 other babes, and all they did was hate 24/7 … on each other, on everything around us. At first it was a joke , and then it became so unhealthy that I had to disassociate myself from that circle . Seriously though now I find it difficult to let females into my life … even though I know everyone is different.

    To me , I think competition ( chasing a man is not competition… it‘s shameless) is really different from hating . Competition , is meant to bring about growth, change , and inspires one to step up his/her game in regards to work, school, or business. There is no gain in hating except total exhaustion. Do women realize how much energy, time , and money they waste in hating someone … especially when the person doesn’t even know u exist.

    In my blog update ( shameless plug lol) , I encourage Sasha and Kel (a new female 9ja rapper ) to compete for the title of #1 9ja female rapper… just like Miss World, or the Most Beautiful Girl in 9ja competes for her title… all are deemed as healthy competition. No one is encouraged to hate on their opponent, that’s bad sportsmanship.

    I am an optimist as well as a realist , and I hope that one day we can all get along… but b4 then, we might as well work on bringing Peace to the Middle East.

  10. Yummy Mummy to be!!

    August 6, 2008 at 10:40 am

    I really do not know why, i guess that’s why I personally have very limited amount of female friends.

    My sisters say it’s just natural.. but i do not see the point of having to run down another woman or say this woman looks like this or like that.. I just do not get it.

    I am sure every woman wants to look good and they would to the best of their ability I really do hate women hating on women I just can not stand it.

    Or everything is a competition WHY???????????

    People may think i am weird i am not the type of girl to have plenty female friends you would rarely see me having a full on girls night out or in because I am literally scared of WOMEN!!!.

    Looking at you with judgemental eyes just cant wait for you to turn the corner so they can diss you in any and every aspect possible.

    Believe I have a lot of sisters I have heard it all.lool!

    For me I have nothing but love for sista’s i am content with me and i see no need for competition!

  11. Madame

    August 6, 2008 at 10:41 am

    I don’t see this much if I were to be totally honest. I’m reading the comments here and feeling a bit bewildered. My friends are quite independent yet they are also very supportive.

    I have had 5 female bosses and only 1 was a little bit of a pain in the rear end, a Zimbabwean lady, otherwise all the others have been nothing short of patient and inspirational.

    If you find the women in your circle are hating on each other, you might want to change your circle. Also, define yourself within your friendship circles early on. If people are gossiping or hating on other women in your presence, something is wrong with you…not them.

  12. Standtall

    August 6, 2008 at 11:22 am

    I don’t think this is natural for women to hate another. This really boils than to socialization and culture. Just like Madame said, you can handly see any group of independent women making hating other women their business.

    May you you have bein unlucky to work with fantastic female boss. But I have beeing. I have worked with women that are good leaders and those that are not and same goes for the men too.

    I have wonderful girlfriends as well as wonderful boyfriends. When I was in sch, some of my male friends would want me to cook for them cos I was the only female in their midst. I would refuse they should cook themselves, then I would eat their food (lol). I am sighting that as example to say that a lot of men would feel comfortable if you are in the are midst and you play mother and you dont mind the gender attacks on women folks but if you do, you may start seeing too that they are issues.

    And again, some of these guys would rather discuss sex who they have conquered and who they have not tec. I just generally think that women that player hate other women do not know better becuase of what they society makes them think.

    I agree with Ladybrille

  13. Ifeoma-adiagwuagwu

    August 6, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Mary J Blige sings "no hatearation." Sisters should come together and be supportive of each other. There is no shame in gain. All for one, one for all.

    Aretha Franklin did a duet with Annie Lenox of the Eurythmics and the tune goes this way, well…the chorus: 'sisters are doing it for themselves…standing on their own two feet…..' Sthg like that.

    This is an era for successful sisters in terms of music, fashion, law, corporate jobs & bodies, modelling, public relations, writing, and a whole lot, you name it…. Now is the time for sisters to encourage and not discourage. Give more care and less hate. Share, give, laugh, enjoy, have fun all n the name of sisterhood. 'Cause time definitely waits for no one. It is either one is in or out. The train is moving along and for anyone that does not agree with the banner 'positivity' hanging on it, then they definitely don't have a space on the train.

    Let's just have faith and all will be well. Not leaving out LOVE which we all need as it is like a breath of fresh air. Have fun…

  14. Coco

    August 6, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    I agree it is because of many things, the greatest being fear – fear of being invisible to those women doing great things and feeling you do not match up, it’s about envy/jealousy, lack of confidence etc. – all that.

    The nature of women is such that no woman on the earth can say she has not been guilty of this at some point. We all want to be liked above others, to feel special, important, to please and when things are not going our way we play down or even condemn another woman’s accomplishments, even if we do not know them. Fact is they may have something we want/aspire to… and we are pissed it happened to them and not to us! We may gossip with friends about it or hide behind a blog site.

    Many women on this blog are doing great things and are free to think big dreams. But there are many women out there who have always been beat down, so it’s easy for them to beat down on others, it’s second nature to them.

    My prayer that as we ladies grow and mature this will occur less and less as we strive along our own paths to our personal dreams and successes – as each persons will be different. Only when we understand that with GOD there is no limit to the amount of blessings, beauty, jobs, men, careers, family, friends, favour, £££ whatever you desire to go around the world infinity times over, only then will we cease to hate on our sisters 🙂 x

  15. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    Im tired of many women talking about “women hating on women.” It only fosters a dangerous stereotype about females. Many GOD-FEARING women are out there today fighting for OUR rights as women. Men hate on each other just as much. The majority of women I know do not hate like that.

    But I think a lot of hate comes from people who have historically been opressed. Havent you heard that BLACK people do not support each other as well? When a people has been oppressed, eventually they accept their inferiority. And when someone from their group is having anything positive happening to them, people will hate.

  16. Ijeoma

    August 6, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    “naijarules” is the worst – i been there a couple of times. But i always see it like this. They are low self esteem ugly bi tches who can only feel good about themselves by putting others down. it has bad reputation for hating on nollywood celebs, too “many” uncouth hating heffas on there.
    And the number one person they hate on on there, is that actress Genevieve Nnaji(A genevieve thread will generate 100 pages in 2 days half full of hate – go see for yourself).

    Thats why i only have men as friends (one of my best friend is a gay guy and he is one of the best) i cant trust females, “many” are nothing but backstabbers. But no one hates themselves more than AFrican american women (i mean whao!, they take theirs to another level). they will size you up and cuss you just for you daring to look so damn cute and pretty – there are hate websites dedicated to hating Beyonce – just for her looking so pretty – if you ask them why are they hating on her their usual foolish response will be “because they think they are all dat”.

    I remember growing up in Lagos back in the day, when your fellow female will see you and compliment you cos you look nice, NOT ANYMORE, if you look nice now they keep it to themselves and they’ll hate on you instead.

    For me to be friends with a female i study them for a long time, if they talk a lot about peole or gossip about other people or even so much as hate on celebrities they dont know, thats a red flag for me – HATER!!!!!!! – i will stay clear. I dont think Oyibo females hate on each other like that.



  17. pam

    August 6, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    it is fundamentaly insecurity

    when ever i compliment a woman on something i usually notice a nanosecond of genuine shock before the smile

    madame is right…

    if youre amongst friends with negative vibes wean yourself off them fast…

  18. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    i agree with catwalq, same reason why black people always hate on each other too. we’ve been brought to value ourselves on destructive agendas.
    in fact three gbosas for catwalq. its hard mehn

  19. Standtall

    August 6, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    @Ijeoma: i think you should read what ANONYMOUS said, read what Catwalq said too. This women you refer to are not enough to say you cant trust female. Remember our mothers are women and they of course give us some valuable lessons in life.

    I think you should look into how we can collectively eradicate stereotype. I have met a lot of wonderful women I now refer to as my role models today

  20. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    I have to disagree with alot of the comments. We (women) just love to talk and gist(which end up being gossip). And during this so called gist other peoples rep are ruined. Honestly if u ask some of these women, they are very remorseful about the damage they must have caused. Jealousy, insecurity comes if a group women are after the same guy or the same thing.
    Gossip columnist are paid to do what they do, so they can't help it
    but write crazy things to stay in business.
    In conclusion, LOUANN BRIZENDINE, M.D. Director, Women's Mood & Hormone Clinic Lynne and Marc Benioff Endowed Chair in Psychiatry
    Clinical Professor,asserts that "A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000". All those words have to be used one way or the other. there are some bad apples of course, however women just love to gist!

  21. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    well I read an interview where Genevieve Nnaji stated she hated Beyonce just because… so she understood why others hate her. I thought that statement was really crazy but I guess she is right in a way.

  22. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    lol at Naijarules.. minus maybe 5 or 6 people, that place is full of celebrity stalkers, wannabe actors who r never gonna amount to shiznick, gists stealing soft sell journalists and gay men who have nothing better to do with their life.

  23. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    Just reminds me of when I first met my husband’s family. All my brothers in law were so nice and full of compliments of the new iyawo.

    But you know now, my sister in-law immediately hated on me for no reason eventually she influenced her other sister to also hate up on me and then they both got their mum (my mother in law) in their camp. I felt like I was being ganged up on by the women.

    Really sad and senseless!!!!

  24. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    ummm…God bless COCO!
    Most other “women” on here i’ve notice are busy doing the same thing “we” are being accused of…hating, criticizing..etc…all while excluding themselves in the process.

    Please lets be real to ourselves…WE have all harbored some sought of bitterness/jealousy/reproach towards another female whether consciously or subconciously….whether long term or short term…in the past or presently…so please stop making it seem like its totally “other women’s problem” and be true to urself too! Only then can we change collectively and grow collectively with love!

    BTW, i have been around alot of males…and they do hate and get jealous of each other too! But theirs aren’t usually as blatant and long term as females’….

    Like someone(i think CoCo) stated; as women, we have the nature to crave for the most love and attention…so consequently, when we sight competition, our red flags automatically raises…the only difference between some women and “other women” is being able to curb the urge to act on it…because when it comes down to it, when u waste ur whole energy hating and “jealousing” another, chances r, the person u r killing urself over doesnt even have a clue! Meanwhile, u r in ur own little corner burning with jealousy/bitterness and accumulating unnecessary pre-mature wrinkles, while ur hatee is basking in their success/beauty..etc. So its a matter of suppressing the urge to act on it…bcos most of us r naturally subjected to “hate on”/”jealous” what we dont have…..but only when we let ourselves. Knowing the magnitude of what u are and have in Christ, changes all that completely…and fills every void there may be!

    BELLA, whatever happened to those “dear bella” letters u used to post?


  25. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Prior to three years ago, I would be on the other side of this argument saying “oh no, women love each other and a woman is the best supporter of her womenfolk”. But experience has taught me otherwise. Some women, when put in the position of power, to guard their turf, they flex their muscles and the victim is usually another woman because men are less likely to play good victims compared to women who often will internalize the “bullying” or respond in a less than professional way. Some other women just take joy in bringing others down because that is the only way they can shine or make themselves feel better. The one that never ceases to amaze me is how mother inlaws are very mean to their daughter inlaws – when you check, the mother inlaw was probably a victim of this “bullying” by her own mother inlaw too. I believe this “hater” attitude is as a result of:
    1. Woman’s intrinsic nature (the need to be loved, to feel important and then tendency towards envy – i know some of you wont agree but we all have intrinsic natures and tendencies for example men and cheating). Athough we have that tendency, that doesnt excuse that behavior. We can work on this by being aware of it, and calling ourselves to order when we catch ourselves doing this and making an effort to remove ourselves from situations that will tempt us.
    2. Insecurity: Women who are insecure seek to find ways to make themselves better. The easy way out is to bring others down so as to shine. This problem can be solved by self knowledge, this will help you know if you are insecure and what you may be insecure about. This in turn will help you watch yourself and catch yourself when you are bashing others to get a cheap thrill.
    3. Gossiping: Another thing some may argue is intrinsic to a woman’s nature (although i beg to differ cause i have met many many men that are horrible gossips, i think what differentiates men gossiping from women is the intention – women can be vindictive, men usually do it for a good laugh). The solution to staying away from gossiping is talk less about people and more about ideas.

    I do not believe staying away from other women is the answer to this problem, rather it is up to us as women to foster strong connections that are based on good ideals and it is very important that we talk about this issue (less of people more of ideas) and make a conscious effort to avoid perpetuating this problem.

  26. dScR?Be

    August 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    hmm.. if i had a dollar for every time i have been involved in this same topic of discussion…

    Its sooo many reasons… coming from Envy & Low Self Esteem, whether pple r in denial or not….

    I believe that if anyone can love himself enough… he or she will fully love others.

    I guess I'm talking more solution here rather reason.. the Bible does say the heart of man is desperately wicked.. so thats a safe Biblical answer to why some women hate other women… its so sad


    Love CONQUERS all!!! 1st Corin 13 baby! (me sef I struggle wiv trying not 2 "hate" other women… thank God 4 his word.. its d ONLY thing that makes sense

  27. Hunter girl

    August 6, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    I know….its soooo bad!!!
    I was watching an episode of Afircan Apprentice a while back (the one where the male and female groups had to make a pitch to an oil company).I couldnt help but notice the daggers the ladies from the board of directors at the oil company kept giving to the all female group! It was so blatant. At first i thought it was just me being my usual critical self untill my cousin and a couple of friends mentioned it too.

    I dont know if it can ever change. I agree with ‘tminx’ tho…it has a lot to do with lack self esteem and insecurity.Women need to learn to appreciate each other. One thing i always do when i feel a bit of jealous tendencies creeping into me is complementing the ‘other girl’. So instead of saying ‘this one likes to feel like she has all the shoes in the world’…i just smile and say ‘i really love your shoes, were did u get them’!!! That way it gets out of my system fast…Its simple but it really works……

  28. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Women should learn to appreciate themselves, their differences amongst other women first,without this love,there will be room for insecurity, inferiority and lots of palava.

    Funny enough, have you noticed, women can sit down for hours, talk about bfriends lovers, and fashion but everything else you hear / see jealousy rear its ugly head.

    Women guarding their territory, very funny, When does she step out of territory, When she out to steal from other women. LOL. women will always be women, beautifully complex.

  29. Anonymous

    August 6, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    I must admit I do have a tendency to “hate” on ladies, but only a certain type- the sneaky social climbers that pretend to be innocent and cute. I really can’t stand them. I do have some of them as friends and because they bring out the “hater” in me, I try to distance myself from them to prevent me from hating.

    But other than that I celebrate women, friends and aquaintances that are hardworking, honest and true to themselves.

  30. Godisalive

    August 6, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    my 2 cents…

    as for mothers in mum doesnt help matters as well and im a girl. I also go thru this wif my partners(not engaged yet) mum even when i try.

    I honestly dont know why women hate on each other. I dont think most women r being honeest wif themselves. I am soo against having loads of female friends as i dont like them being all about my business as guys dont do that…but i must say we women (including me) regardless of how successful, educated, religious we are have a tendency of a lil hateration.

    I personally pray to God to remove my lil speck from my eye regarding this issue and maybe thats something every other woman should do.

    Also GET BUSY, GET CLOSER TO GOD, THINK POSITIVE AND ACKNOWLEDGE UR ACHIEVEMENTS….That way u wont care or have the time to check what every other woman is doing….


  31. Sugabelly

    August 7, 2008 at 1:38 am

    Women hate on other women because men constantly pitch us against each other. I don’t know if it’s done consciously or unconsciously but men all over the world constantly elevate one woman and belittle another, and I guess this has led to bitterness among women fighting to be the treasured one rather than the vilified.

    It really is very sad, but the day women begin to think independently of the subversive and self destructive ideas that men and other stupid women have subconsciously planted in our minds and in our hearts all our lives from the beginning of time is the day we will be FREE and begin to love ourselves freely for nothing other than the humans that we are.

    Did I also mention that that will be the day they start serving chilled Fanta in hell?

  32. Anonymous

    August 7, 2008 at 5:14 am

    i also agree with you sugabelly. well said

  33. Anonymous

    August 7, 2008 at 5:17 am

    everyone hates on everyone…so its not woman hating on woman hate on men..women hate on women…men hate on women and vice versa…but pple are used to thinking women spit out venom all d time so the say oh women hate on women!!!everyone hates on everyone o ..when guys hate on guys its called keeping it real abi!!

  34. I am anonymous 5:17...just had to come back to comment

    August 7, 2008 at 5:27 am

    sugabelly and the anonymous 3:45pm & 2:18 shook me hand!!!well said!!!it is SAD we allow society to put us in a box and tell us women hate each other..women do this to each other!!Puhleeeze…enough of that!!!any evil person who wants to hate on anybody will hate on them irrespective of the gender..pls watch those reality shows and see how men and women gossip and hate alike!!!!MEN HATE!!WOMEN HATE!!!ANYBODY HATES!!!A man will sleep with a colleague and tell everyone!!what is that called?a woman comments on another colleagues dress she doesnt like and it is called HATING!!!Oh please!!

  35. Folake Kuye

    August 7, 2008 at 5:59 am

    I think it’s funny that most women say “that’s why i don’t have female friends.” That’s so old and untrue. We all have female friends. Besides, does not having a female friend solve anything? We should learn to embrace one another and help each other grow. Personally, I think women don’t communicate enough. Yes, we can chat on the phone for hours, but it’s mostly gossip. I think once we start to have effective communication about what truly matters i.e. be blunt about your feelings towards one another, we’ll begin to see changes. I am all for reaching out. Holding another hand in mine and pulling them up with me. Give credit even when it’s not due. Give compliments – when i give another woman a compliment, I can see her instantly smile and feel better about herself. I can see her shoulders rise. It makes me feel good too – It’s a win win situation. Have we forgotten that doing good comes back around. It is seriously not complicated. When you give love, you get love. When you hate, you get hate. But I guess it’s easier to hate, huh?

  36. downtheaisle

    August 7, 2008 at 8:44 am

    we are always in competition, which is nt necessary,if she carries a miu miu bag, then i must buy the gucci. if she’s got mba from LBS then mine must be from harvard. its all so senseless.
    we are always watching out for the other girl’s flaws WHY! its crazy

  37. Sonia

    August 7, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Well, i’ll just say like poles repels and unlike poles attract.
    Though this theory sometimes doesn’t count for men but it does.

    There are solutions for it but there is nothing we can do about it either.
    Every woman wants to be the best you know.
    Even the successful ones are still hating on themselves.

    Noami Campbell hates on Tyra Banks
    Rihanna hates on beyonce
    Paris hitton on kim kardashian
    Lindsay lohan on Mary kate olsen
    Omotola hates on geneveive
    and so on.

    We have been created like that and there’s nothing we can do about it. I will just call it NATURE

  38. misspumping

    August 7, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    infact this is the story of my life it is as if i always put people on the edge i dont get .At every point in time one chick or the other is beefing me big time , poor innocent me .

    Currently in the office some babe is seriously player hating as in she thinks we are in some sort of competition, okay i know i am finer than her younger than her and senoir to her in the office stakes but must the venom spew forth i wonder ijust wonder

  39. Hunter girl

    August 8, 2008 at 1:18 am

    hmmmm….sorry to butt in but i kinda disagree with the comments that ‘men and society’ are to blame for women’s bitching. WE need to take responsibility of our actions……for example, a friend of mine who works in the bank recently tried to get some leave due to some maternity issues. Her female boss exacts words ‘Oh please, are u the first one to get pregnant…..dont be lazy’.
    Please explain to me how men or society fits into this equation???
    Ah, and by the way…her more senior male boss later gave her two weeks paid leave….!!!!
    Society and/or men play may play a role in some cases…but the ultimate executor of action is the woman…..and we just choose ‘bitchiness’ each time!!!

  40. Standtall

    August 8, 2008 at 11:40 am

    @Hunter girl: by referring to “men and society”. we coudl try and look at this holistically. A lot of people had mentioned “insecurity, low-self esteem” etc. How do people get into the stage of lacking those qaulities? It’s ones socialization, ones upbringing and all. Women have being discriminated against in the past that inferiority that set in affects their relagtioship with other women.

    Take this senerio for example, a man that has being brought up to beleive in himself will not feel inferior to anyone.

    About the Bank woman that ultered such a word to her pregnant colleague must have had a limited experience and not because she is a woman.For example when I got pregnant which I had to terminate due to illness. Both men and women told me that was it “only prengancy that made me become like that”. Imagine only pregancy? And they told me not to be lazy!!!

    I can go on and on….

  41. Standtall

    August 8, 2008 at 11:45 am

    Where is Bella that started this hot and interesting piece? I am yet to read a comment from her

  42. Naija Sutra

    August 8, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    I think its insecurity because when a lady meets another that is geeky and not as cute as she is, she is nice to her and likes her till she becomes threatened by her.

  43. Drama

    August 8, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Every one has gone on,on how we are our own worst enemies..’i dont have female friends,’it stems from low esteem and inferiority complex..yada,yada,yada….. If we are all complaining that we chicks are mean to each other, that means that we are all guilty….cos no one has said that it is not true…
    so we shld step back and take a good look….
    before u insult someone for looking good and haughty remember the way you will feel, if u were looking good and some one beefs you for the same reason…..

    But I believe that bitchiness is what makes the world go round…it is what make us strive for perfection!!!Men too have beef for each other innit…if u dont believe me when u see a good looking fella across the road say to ur boyfriend/partner say hmmmm nice’… ‘and see his reaction….



    August 10, 2008 at 10:49 am

    Culture,socialization and up bringing sometimes let us down as women. Thus.. more and more girls grow into womanhood with a lack of a strong self,identity and self esteem. If a woman thinks shes all that and a bag of chips why would she hate on her sister/friend? Hating stems from a sheer lack of self confidence.
    I am a personl & fashion stylist with what some might consider a loud sense of personal style. Believe it or not due to this I regularly have had women gang up on me in various venues.The most serious to date in London was someone trying to stab me at a party. All i was doing was dancing on my own but she tried stabbing me because she said 'i thought i was all that..' lol
    If we believed in ourselves and were happy,would this happen? No woman can walk into a room however beautiful/stylish or graceful and reduce me to seething anger/envy or dispair cos I think each woman is hot!Does only one have to hold the so called Crown. I have a great sense of self,I do me so no one else affects that. I think we as women need to discover ourselves,celebrate who we are individually,cos we are special,then only will we not be affected by the next woman. To be honest I think we need to pass this on to our female kids when we have them and theirs,that is the only way this divide and conquer nonsense will stop.Sometimes our very parents have fuelled this hate by their crazy competitive goals for us as girls and then as women.So we grow thinking that the competitive keeping up with the jones is perfectly normal. Even in certain polygamous households,look at the infighting that sometimes happens between the wives,the lengths some go to.Are their female children not seeing and learning from those examples? It is very sad to me because so many feminists have fought so long for women to be where we are today and all some of us do waste our time hating each other.
    I have had numerous women email me via myspace/facebook/hi5 etc in ref to my personal style or personality. These are women who dont know me, but they write either to diss my style or insult me as a person.I find such women and the whole hating issue pitiful. I am happy doing me but for some very warped reason the way I dress,my entusiasm for life actually is giving others sleepless nights. lol Why cant those women in question simply love themselves and get on with their lives? They actually have the time to spend discussing me and keeping a regular eye on my next move.Whatever I wear is for my joy,so my thinking is if it aint working for you,why not walk on by? It's the person's personal style,it aint supposed to make sense to the next jane,sarah or anne.
    I walk up to women regularly and applaud them for great style,some can not do this as they see everything as a competition. we need to learn to love ourselves as women as its a mans world enough as it is. While we busy ourselves hating each other,the men keep conquering.

  45. Anonymous

    August 11, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    @the house of style, well said… keep doing your thing, girl. BE UNSTOPPABLE.

  46. Anonymous

    October 23, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    This topic is interesting.
    it is so simple, they want to be like you, have what you have but can’t have it because they don’t have good attitude to make it perfect.

  47. ZekwrofeArete

    January 22, 2009 at 6:44 am

    Nothing seems to be easier than seeing someone whom you can help but not helping.
    I suggest we start giving it a try. Give love to the ones that need it.
    God will appreciate it.

  48. chic

    January 27, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    i just saw this and i think the truth is a lot of us women are real nasty . you hardly find men dating/sleeping with their close friends ex. telling the boyfriend stuff that was confided and so many other things too lenghty to fill this page. if you ask me i think a lot of us women have nasty mean streaks in us

  49. DepspoosseKip

    January 28, 2009 at 11:31 am

    I’ve found by using Yahoo


  50. plomo

    January 28, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    i cant stand all this why do women hate women pieces….like seriously…anybody man,woman or hermaphrodite sef who is mean, who is jealous and who doesnt regard anyone else will hate on anybody

  51. impuppomo

    February 5, 2009 at 3:04 am

    Hey ppl, i’ve currish when i searched google
    for a humane and salutary forum, and i effect to prop here)
    if you be undergoing look upon for my english bad… so be it, i’m just learning

  52. naya

    February 14, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    women whom do that are to me insecure and uptight….its downright rude cos it is a small world…we should preoccupy ourselves with how to succeed….we have more to offer

  53. Bree Van der Kamp

    February 21, 2009 at 5:46 am

    Insecurity, no home training, want to sleep with your man, sleeping with your man, jealousy/envy, bad belle….

    Take your pick

  54. Doris

    February 28, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    Most women who hate on other women are those that dont have no self esteem, they wish they were that person…..

  55. oyenike Alliyu

    June 4, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Its only a woman who does not believe in herself that will hate another woman………..its important u appreciate others so that others can appreciate you too.

  56. j3nif4

    August 17, 2009 at 9:03 am

    it’s really sad! i for one don’t have female friends as a result of this! i usually say i that “for every 1female friend i have,i have 5male friends”…lol! i believe it all boils down to low self esteem, envy or just pure hatred!

  57. Veronica

    September 25, 2009 at 12:11 am

    Hi, I agree that women who hate women lack self-esteem. I suggest that women who hear nasty comments on women from these nasty women speak out against this. We should not sit silent. We should speak out against it. Women need to compliment other women in front of other women. Some of these nasty women even join forces with macho men against other women. How low is that!!

  58. Linda Lopez

    November 19, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    I totally agree wiv all those choices….

  59. Linda Lopez

    November 19, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Women hate on other women for the dumbest reasons. “She looked @ me weird; her shoes are ugly; she smells funny; her makeup isn’t rite; dat dress doesn’t match with her eyeliner…” Need I say more? It could be 4 d corniest of reasons and some women would still hate becuz dat is just wat they do, unfortunately. I don’t have alot of female friends because of dat nasty attitude. All d same, I don’t think dat nasty is going to change anytime soon. It is wat it is y’all.

  60. anon

    January 10, 2011 at 4:06 am

    The truth about it is we have all guilty. We have talked about each other one way or the other. My thing is, I will admit that I have talked about other women but what thing I don’t do is to put them down. I am very honest person and I’m not the type to say your dress is nice or you look cute only to talk crap behind your back. It gets on my nerves when people classify my honesty to hating.

    When I see women who carry themselves well, respect themselves, have inner beauty, I can’t talk bad about you, I can only respect and talk good about you.

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