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Initial Gra Gra

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The other day I was standing by the side of the road looking for an okada (i.e. a commercial motorbike to the uninitiated). Then came along this beautiful Nubian princess, a young girl who was just blossoming into delectable womanhood, say about twenty. She got quite a number of stares from the hot-blooded men in the vicinity as she crossed the road and walked towards me. I could not help but look as well as she was simply divine. Then she walked past me and flagged a passing bike. Stupid me! Was I not supposed to be looking for one too?  I had forgotten myself for I was lost in the trance of her comeliness. Indeed I was singing Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely?” in my head. Then came the spoiler, she opened her mouth to converse with the bike man. I then heard the most guttural of voices I have ever heard! Brrrrrrrrrppp! Stevie Wonder was immediately cut off mid song and replaced by Daddy Showkey! What a voice! I was so shocked that I did not even wait to hear if she spoke proper English. All her previously good qualities just faded like breeze.

I looked back at that incident and on reflection I wonder why I should have been surprised at all because back in school my friends and I had a firm rule: we all agreed never to judge a girl by her looks because her fine looks could just be IGG – Initial Gra Gra! We made this rule simply because we got tired of being disappointed by girls. We had to protect ourselves from ‘falling’ for a girl before we got to know her better. I can not tell you the number of times when walking around on campus we would spy from afar a fair daughter of Eve only for us to start gnashing our teeth as soon as she came into full view. Sometimes it was like a physical blow. Ouch! Following such experiences I am now of the opinion that only very fine girls should wear braids, ‘million’ or not!

There was this jambite girl that came into school in my second year; she had all the guys lining up for she could easily have won Miss Faculty or Miss 100Level or some other such beauty contest. But funny enough after a while I noticed that the long line had disappeared. I sought to find out why from my sister and she asked me if I had ever spoken to her. I said no, to that she said that’s why I was still asking. I then gathered that despite her beauty, this girl could not carry out an intelligent conversation… in any language! I mean my standards may be high but not most guys’!

This is why I never met or picked up girls at clubs or parties. Why? Because for one the damn places are poorly lit which makes ALL the women present look good; and two it is ever so noisy so you cannot actually hold a decent conversation with a prospect as she can get away with monosyllabic answers like “yes”, “no” and “Smirnoff!” So IGG holds sway in such places.

Such disappointments happen in the bedroom too! I mean as a guy I have been feenin’ for this girl that looks baaad. She is hotter than fire and so on but then when we eventually get to that side of things she is a terrible let down.

And before I start reading like a caveman, ditto for men – this I know not from personal experience o! Men are also guilty. All sharp at first glance but could be as dull as a blunt knife upon closer inspection. Ladies, you feel me?

Photo credits: http://www.kwpowell360.com

38 Comments

  1. Adurogboye Josephine

    April 30, 2010 at 9:17 am

    LOL!.Initial IGG.good article.but guy’s are into IGG too.

  2. vanessa

    April 30, 2010 at 9:57 am

    lmao.ds stf happens a lot.u spot a hot dude/gal and den wen u v a conversation wt them,u wanna just collapse.lol

  3. Alero

    April 30, 2010 at 10:32 am

  4. bcgeorge

    April 30, 2010 at 11:02 am

    lolz..recently trailed a gurl frm behind inside a supermall fr 3mins wen she turned around,i ws lyk OMG…bad ass shape but d face, evn omo baba d comedian go scream..lols

  5. Tess

    April 30, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Guys are worse off than ladies on this trust me

  6. Tess

    April 30, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    I spotted him in in a friend’s party, handsome tall, rich looking
    but ALONE. I decided to be the one to walk down and introduce myself
    before he gets snatched up.
    only for me to get there, said hello and then his ”Hi” drove me
    away cos his breath was……i just cant explain it.

  7. Aibee

    April 30, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Initial gra gra! True talk my brother. It works both ways jare. I’ve met fine guys, sharpely dressed, shine shine suit et all but when the ‘shicken is in the kitshen, then I’m in lof with you’. Table manners nko? I once had lunch with a guy who grasped the cutlery like it was a weapon of mass destruction, chewed with his mouth open.I could go on and on. I just gently ended the date as soon as possible and that was the end of that very brief alliance.
    Truth is never judge a book by his (pun intended) cover. If however, you genuinely want whats good for the fellow in question, you could give him/her a hint. I gave my friend in the example above a tiny hint and he ran with it all the way to a finishing school. Needless to say he is hot cake now.

  8. Jade82

    April 30, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    Lol at IGG na true talk be this oh…as u said it goes both ways…man fit look sharp but
    nothing dey there and same for females too on looking fly but everything na zero…
    @ Aibee too funny but true i have been on a date with some dude…girl i prayed for it to end quick..lol
    You know those people that speak English but the Letter “S” is in every word ..
    Anyway all this na just to SHINE EYE well….

  9. just-sucre

    April 30, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    lol……..this is quite funny…..but on the other hand…its not so funny!

  10. Tokunbo

    April 30, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    I really feel you my brother, but it works both ways, you know. Dont judge a book by its cover. It doesnt always work that way

  11. Yvonne

    April 30, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Mehn this article is soooooo funny…i am seriously laughing….na wa oooo…lol.. true talk but i think you should let the person know sha i mean if you guys become close or something. you should let the person now about certain things like using a cutlery well and about bad odors or breaths…it helps….trust me.. sometimes the person runs with it…sometimes they don’t…pple that run with it make it big time….once you see the new and improved them eh, you go trip big time…..lol…..men i love this article sha..lol

  12. Osayi

    April 30, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    Real nice piece of work! Cracked me up at ‘Smirnoff’ and oooo so true. Have
    fallen for the cover gimmick many times and I’ve been a ‘spirit and soul’ person
    ever since. Looks come as a bonus!!

  13. DaChick

    April 30, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Rome wasn’t built in a day…All u gotta do is teach them.

  14. daniel

    May 1, 2010 at 12:18 am

    IGG is one of the qualities most guys look for when they want to have fun.
    For guys especially in the night club scenario it is all about catching fun. fine or no ffine all chicks are beautiful after 2am. being able to engage in a meaningful conversation is not necessary.

  15. Solar

    May 1, 2010 at 1:04 am

    We used to say “Fine from far, but far from fine”….lol

  16. Nicole

    May 1, 2010 at 2:06 am

    🙂 What’s to be said about this one, humorously interesting.

  17. Olivia M

    May 1, 2010 at 2:17 am

    [email protected]’s comment. ”weapon of mass destruction”

  18. Nice Anon

    May 1, 2010 at 2:32 am

    How about this for a trial . ” I am looking for my broken bones”
    Don’t worry you will find her was my response

  19. TallChica

    May 1, 2010 at 5:27 am

    Or bring tom-tom, trebor, listerine strips or altoids to every conversation. But sha, me i’ve never been into drop dead gorgeous guys…admire, and then leave them alone…why? (1) If you think he’s fine, then the likelihood that every other female thinks he is fine is pretty high (2) in reference to (1) and assuming he decides to behave as an unscrupulous red-blooded male, he might be carrying at least one STD, or maybe a harem full of them (as they say, aids no dey show for face, ko?) (3) If you do manage to get past (1) and (2) the boy might have an ego problem, that is to say, with every female in 100 meter vincinity breaking neck to check him out, he might let it get to his head….(4) The obvious let down if (1) (2) and/or (3) hold up, and then he is dull to boot….(5) Can anyone say midlife crisis in 20 years when the young women stop looking at him like candy on a stick? Kai, by the time im done with this train of thought, the boy doesnt look so fine anymore. I’m not saying looks don’t matter, I’m not that altruistic, I’m just saying its not the end-all of attraction. Me personally, I like men who are cultured (arts, music, politics) and are ambitious (not just in the sense of money…again, money is just money…the thing never fazed me as much as it is nice to have)…but as for looks….halitosis and AIDS will prevent me from ever going out of my way to chat a boy up for simple sake of his fineness…I simply window-shop….look with no intention of buying and appreciate God’s handiwork…LOL, see me see trouble ooo! Ha! But im serious about the train of thought….no joke. The rest…na joke.

  20. Ify

    May 1, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    @ tallchica, u r very funny! be ma friend abeg!

  21. Funmi

    May 3, 2010 at 12:10 am

    LOOOOL!!! I thought the write-up was funny but the comments have killed me… Nice Anon, REALLY??? “Broken bones”??? HAHAHAHA… Tall chica is too on point jo… I had the same conversation with one of my friends… If you look like Trey Songz, you probably screw around like he does as well… And my mother would like her only daughter ALIVE, thank you very much. This was hilarious…

  22. Susan

    May 3, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    What is “proper english”? There are various dialects of English and even us native English speakers are not speaking English as it was originally intended. Are we, native English speakers, not “proper English speakers because we speak a dialect of English that is not the original? If so, all of Britain does not speak “proper English”.

  23. Somewhere in the midwest

    May 3, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    @Tallchica abeg I second Ify, be my friend, jo?! LMAO, you had me cracking up…

  24. Ujubaby

    May 3, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    I really wanna feel ya, but naaaaaaaaaaah! lol!

  25. misstee

    May 3, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    i love you guys..u definitely add all d spice to the articles with ur comments!..need i say more???funny but very real article…we all have such horrifying ‘date” stories….trust me!

  26. Habib

    May 3, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    Brraappp!! Luvin dis piece. 100% on point

  27. Trez

    May 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    talking of english I don’t think yours’ was the best

  28. emeka

    May 4, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    lmao!!! @ smirnoff

  29. reen

    May 4, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    hmm!IGG
    was in church but kept staring at dis handsome dude. To make an impression i askd our driver to drive me in one of the hotest car back then Nissan Altima to his house to say “hi” since hs a church member. his teeth or in fairness, dentition gave me d first “Hey,stop wasting ur time”, then d bullet he threw at me in d name of speaking english,then asked me there n then to dash him my wrist watch. Gosh! A hausa proverb says “Ba nan ta ke ba” which is literally interpreted as “that is not where it is” and simply put means behind the looks, is really something else

  30. Bibi

    May 4, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Simple: don’t get sucked in by looks alone.

  31. tallchica

    May 9, 2010 at 5:55 am

    my ppl i lufff you….kai the comments seriously made this post. Thank you Ify and Somwhere in the midwest…glad to bring laughter. yay i have BN friends woooopppeee!!!!

  32. Lynda

    May 11, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    And after you all have rejected all these so called “IGG” and then later when you all are approaching marriage age yall will start complaining that there are no men or women, abi? Why not teach them? Teach the ones who can’t speak English how to speak it right, teach the ones with bad table manners good table manners, teach the ones with bad odors how to clean themselves up etc.

  33. Biblo

    May 12, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    I second u on dt Lynda. All dz can be learnt. Mani of d best guys/gurls went thru dz phase and came out 2 b hotcakes. All u gotta do is teach dem.

  34. Ann6T

    May 12, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Lol…very funny.Im practically rolling on the floor,laffing my a** out…I think Aibee
    and Tallchica should do comedy..u’re gud!

    Mouth odours,body odours,smelly feet,just name it….
    gosh,iv had a handfull.

    The worst part of it is when the guy(sleek-looking) starts speaking some
    kinda english i don’t understand…”baby, hi lof you”….I’m like what d heck??!

    Buh I agree with Linda,let’s groom them if we really want them.Problem is:
    after grooming a guy,he walks away and loves somebody else…:P :(..
    Anyway,if he walks away,he is not yours.buh if he stays,he’s yours..:D

  35. DivaliciousT-Baby

    May 16, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    @chica am rollin on d floor wt laughter lol.I have a colleague of mine that has bin on my heels for a while.Handome dude et al,but the day he opened his mouth to ask innocently”Is your back “hatching u”(achin u).I cldnt believe my ears.i corrected him”You mean is my back aching me?He repeated “Hatching .lol.I dont really dig fine guys anyway but intelligent,neat guys?Now u talking!

  36. aniuvi

    May 22, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    lolz! yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh! i feel ya!

  37. Ty

    May 25, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    lol……..am still laughing…dis write up is on point.Trust me,i ve also had a terrible experience & its usually nt funny cos u get so disappointed……nwaz,shit happens.You dont judge pple by their beauty……

  38. datshowitis

    May 25, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    Haba!! teach ke?.. u for talk am say make we dey run tutoring center.. abi wen we for do na?. wen we go out with the intentions of “hooking” up with a good looking brother or sister and what we come back home with is a chain of a mixture of gender who we have to teach english..wen we no be relations of Wole Soyinka!!!! abeg… remind me of the concept of going to schoolor receiving education
    .

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