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FRIDAY TRACK: Make Friends, Not War!

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Kilon Sparkles!

Why do women enjoy dabbling in some girl fight every now and then? Way before Scholar Paris Whitney Hilton in all her infinite wisdom made it momentarily cool for women to call each other BFFs (although she ironically managed to change hers every series), women are largely as faithful to their girl-to-girl friendships as George Michael is to sobriety.

I’ve kept a lot of female friendships in my life. I’m as good a handbag shopping partner as a Marks and Spacks
Food Hall bargain hunter. I got my training from 4 sisters and I excelled.

I understand women (or perhaps I like to think I do) – I enjoy their energy and often played up fragility. I adore their purpose in this thing called life and their part in giving it. I can go on for days celebrating the ‘woman’ – from the one that likes to shout her importance to the one who leaves that to others. I celebrate my mother, your mother, and our mothers.

As much as I enjoy learning the difference between Malaysian Hair and its Brazilian counterparts or what a certain French shiny, red-lacquered soles say about the purchaser. There is however one thing that beats me about women and that’s their historically poor record of keeping a steady girlfriend relationship. It seems the average chick changes her girlfriends with last season’s La Senza knickers.

The term sustainable development means nothing to women and their relationships with each other. I almost feel obliged to do corporate social responsibility initiatives to assist women befriend each other for a whole of 3 months. My mother said to me years ago and this stuck with me “…women don’t vote for other women, instead of rallying behind each other, they assist in blocking her progress…”

I too, looked at the friendships that I’ve admired in the past and they all happen to be male friendships nurtured since childhood. I couldn’t think of one female sibling or indeed many female friends whom has kept her childhood friends.

It’s almost preordained that at some point, one will steal the other’s curling tongs, or hide her hairdresser’s phone number to avoid the same ‘suku’, or sabotage the other’s dream of being the only woman at her wedding to wear white, or being the first in the clique to purchase something from the Hermes store (even if it’s a keying) or the most cited reason – one dislikes the other for having 2 inches of natural hair more than the other.

2 weeks is a long time in the life of female friendships, which is why you’ll hardly find me asking a lady friend about her girlfriends even if I saw them together last week. I’ve learnt that I’m often not prepared for the answers I receive. My eyes and ears have read, heard, and witnessed some serious verbal assaults on how “she never told me about him”, “how can she wear that to that event”, “how can she start talking to that girl even though she knows I can’t stand her”, “how come she made me buy that aso-ebi”, “can you imagine she’s rocking a borrowed shoe”…

As you can see, the average girlfriend relationship is ridden with real-life shattering issues. If you feel this is slightly exaggerated; do me a favour and call any girl you know as you read this and chances are she’s fighting, or just had a fight or plans to fight with another female friend.

Perhaps this explains Hollywood’s long-term obsession with bitchy films about girls scratching each other’s Bobbi Brown painted faces. Notice how films like Thelma and Louise are few and far in between. It’s because even the gullible movie-going community can’t be fooled into believing that females get along. Bromance movies, on the other hand, are guaranteed seat fillers.

Even the so-called ‘tomboys’ never fail to amuse me in their seemingly ‘safe’ haven (amongst a group of boys) with voluntary confessions about how “I don’t get on with other girls” or “girls don’t like me”

All I can say is, stop taking yourselves so bloody seriously. Like Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius ‘I often marvel how it is that though each woman loves herself beyond all else, she should yet value her own opinion of herself less than that of others’.

Start trusting your own judgement ladies and stop relying on third party support for your choices. Just because she doesn’t agree with your choice of girdle doesn’t mean she thinks you’re fat.

Ever wondered why guys get on better? It’s because they don’t share every minute detail of their lives with each other – some things are sacred – ti pata e ba gan, so what? Not everyone needs to know you’re on your period, you don’t hear guys telling each other “…hey buddy, I bashed the bishop to a picture of your sister last night…” when chances are, he probably did.

It.is.really.not.that.deep.ladies!

This week’s Friday Track is from Miguel Jontel and his fantastic new single “All I want is you” featuring J. (who dat! who dat!) Cole.

Enjoy!

46 Comments

  1. Glory Edozien

    Glory Edozien

    September 24, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    hmmmm…i disagree ooohh…a huge majority of my female friends are those i have known from an early age….they are the only ones i can trust! 🙂

    • Debo

      September 28, 2010 at 11:04 am

      same here…. have 3 sisters… and we have been friends forever… and we would still be…. have 4 girl friends that we have been friends since primary school, 1 of them since we were in kindergarten (almost 20 years)…. seems like you move with the wrong set of girls.

  2. uchechi

    September 24, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Lololol…..you sure learnt alot from your sisters!

  3. Iya2

    September 24, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    Yeah I have some good friends but it took hard work but you are kinda right … most chicks are like that

  4. Dr Dee

    September 24, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    Bobo na so dem dey do o! I remember going to the female hostels as a student in Unilag and seeing 4 fridges, 4 tvs, 4 fans, 4 mivrowave ovens, 4 stereos, etc ,etc, etc, in tiny 4- person rooms. That is a clear example of how petty and childish babes can be. The abundance of appliances in the rooms was because the roomates/friends were constantly at loggerheads with each other and therefore did not want to have to talk to each other during their perpetual squabbles. Contrast that to the guys’ rooms where every roomate simply brought one appliance that everyone else shared, with no need for senseless duplicity.

  5. nuella

    September 24, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Erm,erm, i’m surprised none of the usual “Hey! I’m FIRST!” commenters haven’t said anything…

    Still busy fighting with your besties then? Lol *evil grin*

    But, as much as it pains me to admit this…
    Bro, you are right. On all counts.
    Sometimes we ladies just ‘beef’ each other for NO GOOD REASON.
    Like one of my guy friends on twitter commented tday: most of all these supposed “beef’ should really be called “ponmo”… ‘cuz they lack substance.
    Think ’bout it ladies, you know this is true.
    *heavy sigh*

  6. Nma

    September 24, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    OK, am i the only one that is having problems viewing pics on this website for the past few days??

  7. Fumzy

    September 24, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Right on point!!! Women just need to keep it real with each other and yes just take a chill pill. I just moved back to Nigeria and I have met 3 great females, funny we all just moved back and there is this laid back authentic relationship. We about the hustle could not be bothered about the latest fad. Men do a better job of keeping it real.

  8. ego

    September 24, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Spot on! We women are sooo fake and filled with so much jealous resentment for each other. I try to stay friendless. Guys are equally evil. My blood alone i trust, hence why i appear a perpetual loner. A very content one at that 🙂

  9. Dr J

    September 24, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    I completely disagree with you. I am still best of friends with my childhood friends and even though we’ve had our little spats here and there, our friendships have stood the test of time. The women you described gossiping about each other and switching friends like underwear are not friends unless, of course, you use the term ‘friend’ very very loosely. Your mother’s words probably stem from her personal experiences, because that is definitely not a general rule.

  10. Ijé

    September 24, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Wow, I completely disagree. Am I the only one who thinks this is a BROAD generalization? Maybe I’ve just been blessed with nice friends all my life.

    • caramel_drops

      October 20, 2010 at 2:35 am

      I think u just may not know ur friends too well…girls are evil ! period ! always comparing & petty. I have just one bestie since I was 8yrs old and the rest I keep dropping becos I see they lack genuinity, so seriously,look at ur frnds more deeply,not all are real.

  11. cherchezlacurl

    September 24, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    “…some things are sacred – ti pata e ba gan, so what? Not everyone needs to know you’re on your period…”
    Oh boy, you did not just got there?! Hilarious!

  12. Molicious

    September 24, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Lol, it’s so true but it all depends on the ladies incolved and how invested the two are in the friendship.

    • Molicious

      September 24, 2010 at 10:38 pm

      involved*

  13. Omada

    September 24, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    i think the generalization was too broad. i agree chicks are petty and men get along better, but some us have friends that we’ve been friends with for a loong time! e.g me! even when we have our spats, we are still there for each other.

  14. Myne Whitman

    September 24, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    \Well what can I say? You got us good.

  15. lee

    September 25, 2010 at 12:30 am

    I agree ojare.

  16. D.O.T.M.H.

    September 25, 2010 at 1:53 am

    I agree with you on this one. Women seem to be their own worst enemies.

  17. AtaRodo

    September 25, 2010 at 5:04 am

    I hate this stereotype women are this, women fight, men dont gossip, they keep it rea,all men cheat, all women are materialistic………….YAWN!!!!!!!!!Everything depends on the individuals and the dynamics.I dont change girlfriends every two weeks.I am still close friends with the friends i knew back then as a teenager.I believe lots of women still have their childhood friends in their lives!!!Abeg make we hear word jare

    • new

      October 17, 2010 at 6:11 pm

      atarodo’s reply

      i am a girl who ppl call a boy ,I have sucessfully kept my female friends because i dont what to hear if her pata is jan…for real except it is life and death no news is good news trust me it works ,i just ended a five year friendship after having to stay with my friend for 2months straight,would not have been the issue but other gals were involved – hence the She Wolf – i thought i had immunity for ,resurrected

      like they say it is only when u are in charge of money and u are not moved ,u would know u are not a thief

  18. Adia

    September 25, 2010 at 7:41 am

    roflol @ can you imagine she is rocking a borrowed shoe!!!! ha ha ha!!
    Mr. Omotayo, you bring uninhibited laughter every time….and you are right women are petty..but then again, there’s always the exception to every rule.

  19. Ib

    September 25, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Agree….NOT

  20. Ronnie

    September 25, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    I partially agree but then like someone said, it does depend on the women involved and how mature they are and if ever they were friends in the first place. My girlfriends from waaaay back are still my best friends although I have met some far too insecure Ladies, I don’t let the relationship turn too sour before I move on and when we see each other we say hello and make shallow chit chat like adults. ladies who are uber insecure are the ones always envious and petty. We just need to get a grip! puh-leese

  21. Lohi

    September 25, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I partially agree. I think some friends are there for seasons and therefore once that season is up, you change them. However I do have friends that I have known for the majority of my life and we are still friends beyond the little arguments. I am a lover not a fighter!

  22. dami

    September 25, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    LUCKY FOR ME I DON’T KEEP FRIENDS BECAUSE I CANT TRUST THEM BUT I HAVE FEW FRIENDS WHICH I CAN TRUST AND KNOW AS THEY HAVE THE SAME PERSONALITY AS ME BUT I FIND MY SELF HAVING MALE FRIENDS EASIER THAN FEMALE FRIENDS AS I NEVER EVER FEEL AT EASE WITH THEM AS THEY TEND TO FAKE TOO MUCH AND ALSO I CANT BE MY SELF AROUND THEM ( I DON’T KNOW WHY…)

    • Omada

      September 26, 2010 at 2:50 am

      you say you don’t keep friends because you can’t trust them, then you say you have few friends you can trust. you are contradicting yourself.

    • Kemi

      September 26, 2010 at 9:38 am

      Exactly.

  23. africanchikito no.1

    September 26, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    I say to you all that d secret to having meaningful life long friendships with d female folk is to choose friends dat share the same value system as you( that’s assuming that you’re not the husband snatching,green-eyed,self absorbed type )..worked for me..I have wonderful besties some of whom I even grew up knowing..so some of us actually do have great friendships..yep!

  24. bcgeorge

    September 27, 2010 at 9:21 am

    quite frank and totally hilarious…a female colig ind ofis told me last saturday durin a chit chat dat women dnt( in most cases) dress to impress men, they do so bcos of thr fellow women….alwys tryna outdo each other…a lady friend once posted on FB sumtyms ago dat if women bcomee d president of all d nations of d world, thr wont be war just nations who dnt talk to each othr…women do reali hate women….shikena..gBaGaun!!

    • truetalk

      September 27, 2010 at 1:19 pm

      come to think of it, when am dressing up for work or church, I’ve got the ladies in mind to impress and not men.after all a man may not even notice quality of what I’ve got on but a lady will appreciate every bit of it!!!

  25. nkemgi

    September 27, 2010 at 10:17 am

    I also totaly disagree with this, i and ma gilrfriends dont fight and our friendship has really stood the test of time. They have been dere for me thru good and thru bad and they still have ma back till today like i do thiers. And dat guys dont gossip is crap cos they absoulutely do or where did we get the term KISS and TELL? From guys duhhhhhhh

  26. MissLC

    September 27, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    hmm dis is kinda true but some ppl still are besties with their mates from high skool..like mee and some other ppl i know …but i agree dat it comes down to d individuals and finding ppl who hav d same values..cos mehnn since moving back to naija all iv met r the kind of chics described on dis piece..all abt men and designer ish..but u get on and try not to be judgmental and as everyone has said..not take stuff too seriously..but thank God for bbm keeping me connected to my real girlies

  27. Ekene

    September 27, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    I know us girls have issues getting along, but we also know how to keep friendships!

  28. pretty

    September 28, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Babes and their wahala.

    Just keep your secrets to yourself if you want peace of mind

  29. rethots

    September 28, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    “…women don’t vote for other women,…” so much for ‘women empowerment’.

  30. preceela

    September 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    as mch as i hate to,i gotta agree. i got into a very stupid ‘beef’ with a friend about something without substance, as much as it lacked substance she is still suprisingly not over it. itz crazy dt every thing is such a big deal!!!!!!!!

  31. Debo

    September 29, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    i totally disagree…. have 3 sisters… and we have been friends forever… and we would still be…. have 4 girl friends that we have been friends since primary school, 1 of them since we were in kindergarten (almost 20 years)…. seems like you move with the wrong set of girls.

  32. Oluchi

    October 6, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    I agree that most women don’t back each other up. I have been blessed with the experience of having girlfriends who will do anything to hinder your progress (we are no longer friends). I have been blesseed with women whom I have been friends with for years. My childhood friends are still there, we don’t talk as much because we grew apart when I went abroad, but we were like sisters when I was in location.
    But I am still blessed with girlfriends whom I have been friends with for years. We fight, and heal, and grow, and move on. Thats how I like my friendships. My heart is too weak for friendships that don’t know how to move on. Moving on means facing the truth and saying the truth. heck I can smack some fake, lieing biatches who came into my life and disrupted my progress. Yes, some women don’t like themselves. Some of us like ourselves and are true BFFs.

  33. nickiesgal

    November 9, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Well, am actually hearing for the first time, that some female friendships last just two weeks. that’s too hard to believe. Anyways, i thank God that i have been blessed with darlings as friends. We do not see ourselves often, but we call, chat and visit while we can and we are still as tight as ever. These are girls i got to know when we were still kids and loads of friendships around me played out that way……so i must say that this article is over generalized.

  34. angelsbeauty

    November 12, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    hmm… friendship is a tough one.. especially when everyone is everywhere.. even if you don’t fight and end the friendship.. distance takes its toll..

  35. rubyred

    November 18, 2010 at 12:51 am

    LOL. I think i’m more amazed by the “female lingo” plastered all over this article. You sure know a lot about women! As far as the theme of the article goes, i have to disagree with you. My real female friends are still very much in my life. I certainly feel blessed.

  36. aijey

    March 13, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    i totally disagree with this.yes,ladies fights and all other stuffs,but it makes the friendship stronger

  37. Portable

    June 30, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    i totally disagree,yeah some ladies cant roll for too long but to generalize based on some is not acceptable, i have female friends from when i was just ten and we are still tight(old wine better than new)

  38. chukwuka emegwoako

    October 18, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Now that’s exactly what I’m talking about! I got to say that I really enjoyed reading every bit of this article and I wished it would never end. Girls have a lot more problems to contend with than just relationship……. They are way outta they mind.

  39. hauwa

    July 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    So not true, bobo. I have five besties and i love them to bits. i met one in Primary 2; second, in JSS 3; anoda in university 100 level, one more during NYSC and d fifth in post graduate school. Along the way, i have had and still have acquaintances and oda girlpals but these 5 have stood d test of tym- i guess its all in d character and values attached to d relationship. Who says a girl cannot have more than 1 bff?

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