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I Now Pronounce You…Absolutely Annoying!

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Thanks to the timely uploads on Facebook and other media, I feel like I have attended many more weddings than those I was physically present at. Having acknowledged that the marriage is far more important than the wedding details, allow me to share five wedding trends that I now pronounce absolutely annoying.

1) The Bolero Jacket
Basically, the bolero jacket is meant to flatter one’s shape. The perfect fit of the rounded front corners should make the waist appear smaller. I’m sure whoever reintroduced this jacket to the fashion runways had good intentions. But oh no! Many brides have reinvented the purpose-driven life of the bolero. With little regard to the fit, the jacket’s primary function is now to hide ‘immodest’ strapless wedding dresses from judgmental frowns at the wedding ceremony.

Ill-fitted boleros have quickly become the No. 1 bridal wardrobe mishap and they can take you from looking like Grace Kelly to looking like Lady Gaga in a heartbeat. Some are almost A-lined and others are just downright unpleasant to behold. Please. Don’t give a lecture on what brides can or cannot afford. Iya Kasali can do a great job and even attach a Vera Wang tag for you at no extra charge. Note that all Iya Kasalis are not equal. On the other hand, there are other options beyond strapless dresses. So many other great wedding dress styles can admirably embrace your curves, hide your physical insecurities and eliminate the need for that increasingly misinterpreted jacket.

If you must wear one, at least make sure it fits perfectly, and that the color and fabric blend well with the rest of your wardrobe. Bridesmaids take note too!

2) “Cash Only Gifts”
When couples insist on not receiving wedding gifts, my first thought is that they live in a country different from where the wedding is taking place. I get that. The breaking point is when couples go the extra mile to directly request ‘cash only’ gifts.

Are they totally kidding?

So if I planned to give them a set of ‘tumblers’ valued at N600 (about $5) or thereabout, can I send them the money instead or will I become their favorite ‘weird-wedding-moment’ topic? Will they wonder if I think they are suffering? No, I do not think they are struggling. However, I do think they might send all sorts of wrong and confusing signals to their invited guests, especially those unrelated to Dangote. A number of folks will question this as “their style”, and even verbalize all forms of “let them cut their coat according to their size” comments.

Dear couples, instead of making a formal and direct request for “cash gifts only”, rephrase those words to something like, “No large gifts items please”. In other words, you are not only giving your guests a lead on what you don’t want, but also giving them the flexibility to choose from a variety of other gift options. You can only hope your invitees will read in between the lines. However, be more open with your close family members and friends. They will indisputably understand.

In addition, you can just sign up at a wedding gift registry and call it a day. Better still, create your own gift registry/list, attach it to your wedding invite and ask your invitees to check what gift item they want to give or contribute to. Also ask them to mail/email/text the details to you. This way, you won’t end up with 200 glass cup sets since your list is customized to suit your actual needs.

Although I think couples can use monetary gifts as they deem fit -whether to pay off pending bills to wedding vendors or to make a down payment on their dream vacation- making a direct request for it is just downright tacky.

3) Clueless Aso-ebi Buyers

It is so funny how often people complain about outrageous aso-ebi price points. Yet, they buy the “hespensif” fabrics plus gele, sew their glamorous styles, come to the wedding and just sit down throughout the party with half of their costly fabric tucked under the table. These are the clueless aso-ebi buyers and over fifty percent of their party time is either spent staring at other guests or posing to be gazed upon. They are the clear victims of societal expectations and trends.

Get up! Dance with the couple!

Be part of the wedding fun!

At least get some real value for your over-priced aso-ebi which I assume you purchased because you know the bride, groom or a close family member. Ok, maybe you just purchased it because you love the fabric  – It’s your money jere! Weddings will be less monotonous and more intimate with fewer guests in the ‘sidon look’ category. Enough with the excessive focus on the wedding fashion parade. Couples are more pleased to see their friends and guests rocking and having fun even if they do not wear the aso-ebi. Wedding photographs documenting your positive energy and joy will be more memorable than those of you just sitting pretty in one spot while wearing the wedding uniform.

Don’t be a clueless aso-ebi buyer. You were not forced to join the wedding entourage.

4) Carrying the Bride
I’m yet to understand the logical relevance of those pictures of the groomsmen carry the bride – with or without the groom. The groom is strategically positioned to brace her bust line or underarms, while the groomsmen hold on to strange parts of her body. Why even bother with this picture pose? It has so much potential to turn into a complete disaster. If she as much as slips, the groom looses five points off his perfect score for dropping his gem and another five points off for recruiting groomsmen without sufficient six packs.

Ok…ok…with that many groomsmen, she is less likely to fall. But still, this picture really doesn’t make or break a wedding album. I’m sure your single groomsmen would rather be exchanging digits with some single sisters, instead of lifting the heaviness of a taken woman.

However, if you have always visualized this particular picture in your wedding album, I mean if you absolutely must, kindly pay close attention to the unspoken weight limit here. Be considerate.

5) Reserved Seats
A friend and I arrived over two hours late to some wedding reception and were happy we could seat at any of the empty tables we immediately spotted. At a closer glance, we noticed all those tables had ‘RESERVED’ cards on them. About eight tables! Now let me clarify some things here: (a) this was not an ‘Invitation Only’ event where the vacant seats could be explained by pre-designated sitting arrangements. (b) We were very late. In other words, the ceremony had been on for a while.

After a lady offered us seats at her table, I repeatedly glanced over at the reserved tables, waiting for the ‘important’ guests to arrive and desecrate the untouched dinner plate settings.

Iró ni o. An hour and a half later, those seats remained empty as we were leaving.

Most of these unspecified tables are reserved for people who end up sitting at other tables because they are uninformed of their reserved seats. So, unless you have specific invitees ushered to those sacred tables, this event planning/wedding tactic holds little sense.

Phew, that’s a wrap. Other eye-rolling trends include White Tuxedos, Cash Bars where guests pay for their own alcoholic beverages at the wedding; and those very environmentally-unfriendly Plastic Souvenirs that every Nigerian home has an ample supply of.

And then we have those (albeit useful) Gift Bags plastered with the couple’s picture. Some months back, I used one of such as my work lunch pouch. After work one day, the company director and I were in the elevator talking when he suddenly asked, “so what happened to them?” pointing to my lunch bag.

I happily responded, “Oh they got married!”

He blandly replied, “Interesting, but it looks more like they both passed on.”

I guess he didn’t see the ‘Conjugal Bliss’ printed at the far bottom.

119 Comments

  1. nerfetiti

    October 7, 2010 at 10:31 am

    u dey vex oh, haba!

  2. Olu

    October 7, 2010 at 10:39 am

    hooray!!! First to comment. |Will be back later

  3. FI

    October 7, 2010 at 10:47 am

    LAVVV IT

  4. safire

    October 7, 2010 at 10:49 am

    This is hilarious, I mean people actually say cash only. The bulero sin is actually true I hate that trend with a passion. Thanks babes you just made my morning

    • abendino

      October 19, 2010 at 6:11 am

      u spoke my mind..

  5. originalgbegborun

    October 7, 2010 at 11:19 am

    love it! so so true

  6. Fishface

    October 7, 2010 at 11:49 am

    U r so on point!!! LWKMD wen i read this article, my sis & i hv our pet peevs about wedding these days & the bolero bit just upsets us. Thank God we r both normal & someone else understands our issues. Nice article.

  7. kemmy

    October 7, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    lol… really funny piece you got there! needless to say , you hit the nail right on the head!

  8. miss pretty

    October 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    i think the clueless aso-ebi is sooo annoying….imagine parting with ur hard earned money only to become a spectacle @ an event…why bother!!

    • madam kofo

      October 8, 2010 at 11:09 pm

      I think you mean speculator. 😀

    • adelegirl

      October 11, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      madam kofo, I think YOU mean SPECTATOR not speculator. But that’s by the way.

      Enkay, loved the article. Very funny take on wedding pet peeves. The bolero and the groomsmen carrying the bride parts had me laughing out loud at my desk.

      Great job!!!

    • Orabel

      October 14, 2010 at 5:34 am

      Madam Kofo – CORRECTER THE WORSTER!!!

    • Adeola

      October 19, 2010 at 7:30 pm

      if i were God oversabi will be a sin….dont do bebeto again

    • P

      November 11, 2010 at 3:22 am

      loooool, ‘speculator’ thats funny. this made me laugh out loud.

  9. Ronnie

    October 7, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    LOL…but so true though! Love the end bit…..
    so what happened to them?” pointing to my lunch bag.
    I happily responded, “Oh they got married!”
    He blandly replied, “Interesting, but it looks more like they both passed on.”

  10. niyoo

    October 7, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    love it love it love it

    what’s with brides making their bridemaids wear terrible dresses. We get that you have to be the prettiest and all, but you can’t be that insecure; that you’d make your bridal train seem like the line-up for a horror movie!?! :p

    • Debo

      October 7, 2010 at 10:22 pm

      Ever heard of the saying that brides don’t choose finer bridesmaids??? And if they do, they end up putting them in some ugly looking dresses to take the shine of them….

    • Debo

      October 7, 2010 at 10:29 pm

      Off*

  11. fokasibe

    October 7, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Hahahaha! The closing line was awesome!!!!! “I guess he didn’t see the ‘Conjugal Bliss’ printed at the far bottom.””” ROTFLMHO!!! Hahahahaha! I likey!!

  12. ogo

    October 7, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Very true…. over loving ur article worry me!!!lmao..
    its so true and makes a whole lot of sense!!!Nice piece..

  13. Blossom

    October 7, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    I like!

  14. Gino

    October 7, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Cant wait for my turn…

    http://getnigeriajobs.blogspot.com/

  15. lola

    October 7, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    lol……..

  16. Titi

    October 7, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    Hahaha, wow, rollin on the floor the closing line is sooooooo funny.

  17. luscious lush

    October 7, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Absolutely ridunculous…the lenghts ppl go “cash only gifts”!!! Wow! Totally agree with u about the “cluless aso ebi wearers” I personally wish nigerian weddings were more like mexican or indian weddings,so much more fun!

  18. jennifer

    October 7, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    i love love love dis article lmao

  19. jennifer

    October 7, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    gosh the closing line is HILARIOUS

  20. ForeverYoung

    October 7, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    LMAO!!! absolutely hilarious…is this Enkay male or female

  21. nawa4bnreaders

    October 7, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    Nice write up… tho sense a lot of anger rather than constructive criticism. While some things there make sense! I’m afraid you can please everyone… we what ever couples want for their wedding is up to them.. it is their day and there is nothing you can do about it. Go plan a wedding and lets see how perfect you can capture it all.. it is really not our business who buys aso-ebi or not.. or who dances or not.. it is their money.. or borrowed money.. lol… and no one really cares!

    • deebaby

      October 11, 2010 at 8:45 pm

      I sooooo agree with you!..Yes nice write up but it sounds like he/she obviously has not had to plan a wedding….it’s so easy to criticize from afar.. it’s the couple’s day, THEIR wedding day. No one else’s! SO i am guessing that they know what exactly they need. $50 or $5 does not matter! Little drops make a mighty ocean! What if they live outside of Nigeria, if you did not get the memo, NIGERIAN WEDDINGS IN NIGERIA ARE VERYYYY EXPENSIVE, and its usually because of “mo gbo mo ya guests” that one still has to cater for as Nigerians don’t regard RSVPs. Im my opinion, starting one’s marriage with a truckload of glass cups is not as important as getting some money back for financial stability! I understand his/her stance..makes sense. but it’s not usually what you say, but HOW you say it…my2 cents!

    • BigU

      October 16, 2010 at 2:52 am

      Abi!!!!

  22. omah

    October 7, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    cash only gifts?
    never heard of that but sounds better than having to rent ten trucks to carry gifts valued at…….naira only.lol

  23. Miss ATL

    October 7, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. Musings of Ewa

    October 7, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    hahahaha ‘hespensive’ is too funny + the closing line (ur boss soji jo)

  25. LL

    October 7, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    Hahaha! This is sooooo true! Weddings in Nigeria are usually so boring it seems like it’s a sin to have fun! Thanks for the analysis

  26. browncoffee

    October 7, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    This is no doubt one of the best and funniest articles I’ve read on BN. I agree with most of ur points. The bolero, yeah, some people have abused it, but I like it, especially if it looks like the one in the picture. I don’t see a problem with asking for monetary gifts. Imagine 15 guests, all gifting u with plastic buckets or set of tumblers. I mean come on…. Times are changing, the couple need ur £5 to help them start a home.

  27. doris

    October 7, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    well my cousin got married and did the cash only request but the rationale was because they both lived outside the country and really were not going to ship all the tangible gifts they received abroad…isnt that an acceptable reason?

    • onthesubject

      October 25, 2010 at 1:34 pm

      Can you read?

  28. lizzy

    October 7, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Phew….everything about this article made me laugh out soo loud in my office after a hectic day. my real crack up line was ” if she slips, you will be blamed for dropping your gem and also for recruiting groomsmen with insufficient six packs”. the clueless aso ebi and all others were really funny. Kudos.

  29. Loli

    October 7, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Loves it–this is so funny. Couldn’t agree more.

  30. elmo

    October 7, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! awesome!

  31. bondwannabe

    October 7, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    i heart…

  32. Molicious

    October 7, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Nice write up, definitely made me laugh and think about things.
    For some of your points, it depends on where a person is getting married. I really have no problem with the couple asking for cash/gift cards only; problem is if you say no large items; you can still get a lot of small crap you have no use for. If you have cash, you give and if you don’t buy a card and save yourself the tumblers. E.g. Oversees, if a couple is getting hitched, chances are they probably already living together and have all the house hold things they need; so a registry might not d them any good so I don’t mind the money thing but the way it’s worded does matter a great deal.
    I’m not a fan of buying aso ebi because to me it’s a waste of money. I don’t understand why people don’t pool the money they are spending on aso ebi together and give it to the couple instead of spending money on purchasing and sewing clothes you’ll probably only wear twice….Sigh…

    • Debo

      October 7, 2010 at 10:26 pm

      Have been to a Cash Only Wedding and we were told that out cash gifts should be 10k upwards…. dat’s acceptable right?

  33. atiya

    October 7, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    “If she as much as slips, the groom looses five points off his perfect score for dropping his gem and another five points off for recruiting groomsmen without sufficient six packs” lmao!!!

  34. Komi

    October 7, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Haha, loved the article but I am a defender of “cash only gifts”. Maybe in Nigeria, more people would be “offended” by that, but Nigerians in America totally understand. The thing is, you would barely find anyone in the states, who doesn’t already have the stereotypcal wedding gifts people give. Cash only gifts are better for couple, because they can use it to pay off the wedding or buy a house, etc.

    • Folu

      October 9, 2010 at 3:33 pm

      It is not the responsibility of your guests to pay for your house or to pay off your wedding. I think requesting cash only gifts is downright tacky, especially when it’s not that the couple live abroad and are getting married in Nigeria. Obviously some people don’t mind giving cash, which is actually great. The issue here is expecting cash from your guests. It should not be expected and people should not be asking for it. If people do give cash to you, then great!

  35. D.O.T.M.H.

    October 7, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    Lololol Nice

  36. tope

    October 7, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Love this article, haven’t ever heard cash only gifts, super tacky
    http://www.heartnollywood.blogspot.com

  37. dami

    October 7, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    lol number 4 and 5 are very funny especially the part that the boss thought the couple has passed on LMAO. i went to a family friend wedding and they ask for monetary gifts because the couple has bought everything in their house and they don’t need anything else!

  38. Amour

    October 8, 2010 at 3:34 am

    too funny!!! yet so true…lol…check out this blog http://temiville.wordpress.com/

  39. kay

    October 8, 2010 at 4:12 am

    I thought i was the only one that finds bolero jacket annoying! Like you said, there are many other styles of wedding gowns. I also ABSOLUTELY hate the white tuxedo. Gives me horrors. I hope people take note.
    Love your article!

  40. Aibee

    October 8, 2010 at 8:38 am

    You just put me in the right mood to start the day. Everything you said is right on point, especially the bolero & the white tuxedo. But seriously are ther cash bars at weddings in Naija? Why invite people to your wedding if you wont supply rice and stew very plenty with additional booze? About the aso ebi bit, sometimes you go to a wedding where the couple is well known to you but you dont know anyone else.

  41. LadyTee

    October 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Although it is tacky to ask for cash gifts only, I actually prefer to give cash anyways! I don’t mind giving cash gifts perhaps because I only attend weddings of people that I actually know, hence I don’t feel annoyed giving money.
    I don’t understand why people feel the need to attend society weddings of people they don’t know simply to show face…..WTF? And then on top of that they complain about cash gifts only. Mschewwww, must you attend the wedding of someone you only met 1 minute 5 yrs ago??
    I don’t mind giving cash to my close friends and as long as they are not expecting an unreasonable amount!

  42. Tweeny

    October 8, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Hillarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  43. Juwon

    October 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    I now pronounce you(the writer) Absolutely Hilarious. I love this piece.

  44. kay

    October 8, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    true, really true!!!!!! This write up deserves to be in @ least a wedding planning magazine.. to say the least.. oh! by the way is now the latest cash cow.
    your last line was a classic absolutely fantastic!!

  45. mariaah

    October 8, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    OMDzz the last line is a CLASSIC I can imagine the blank stare your boss had on his face.. Still laughing…
    About the bolero issue, I ain’t wearing nothing (hear churches in Nig make brides wear them to cover up) including my bridesmaids carry poplin scarfs about around the shoulder. Fair enough, I choose a dress that won’t expose “too much” but I will wear my dream dress without a tacky bolero. The white tux is just horrible mate…not forgetting ill-fitting suits whada!!?
    Come to think of it I am liking the idea of cash only gifts, if you can’t don’t worry but aso-ebi ll still happen already have my colours in me head.. Teal, Peach, turquoise, magnesia brilliant colours.. 🙂

  46. Anuola

    October 8, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Have we started with wedding registries or vouchers in Nigeria? Cos those make the perfect portable gifts. For my wedd. I had John Lewis and Debenhams vouchers and we were able to get the things we actually wanted. Of course a couple of people still brought gifts but it was clear that they were items these people didn’t want anymore like food steamers that didn’t work and one funny ‘door’ that till today we still cannot figure out it’s use. A friend of mine didn’t specify what type of gifts she wanted and one of the gifts she got was a set of cellotape and scissors!?!

    So whilst money may be a little tacky, if I was in Ngr, I still prefer it to mismatched pots, crockery, trays and double, triple or more of the same gifts. Think about it, it makes sense.

  47. Anuola

    October 8, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    *still brought gift items*

  48. Alero

    October 8, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    this is beautiful Enkay even though u started off on a wrong note:There is no such thing as “mediums”.The plural of medium is media.This also applies to Forum – Fora,Symposium-Symposia,Stadium-stadia,etc.once again ,lovely read.

    • Bisqo

      October 12, 2010 at 7:36 pm

      FYI Alero, see below from the merriam-webster dictionary online:
      1me·di·um noun \ˈmē-dē-əm\
      plural mediums or me·dia\-dē-ə\
      Definition of MEDIUM
      1a : something in a middle position b : a middle condition or degree : mean
      2: a means of effecting or conveying something: as a (1) : a substance regarded as the means of transmission of a force or effect (2) : a surrounding or enveloping substance (3) : the tenuous material (as gas and dust) in space that exists outside large agglomerations of matter (as stars) b plural usually media (1) : a channel or system of communication, information, or entertainment — compare mass medium (2) : a publication or broadcast that carries advertising (3) : a mode of artistic expression or communication (4) : something (as a magnetic disk) on which information may be stored c : go-between, intermediary d plural mediums : an individual held to be a channel of communication between the earthly world and a world of spirits e : material or technical means of artistic expression
      3a : a condition or environment in which something may function or flourish b plural media (1) : a nutrient system for the artificial cultivation of cells or organisms and especially bacteria (2) : a fluid or solid in which organic structures are placed (as for preservation or mounting) c : a liquid with which pigment is mixed by a painter
      See Usage Discussion at media
      Examples of MEDIUM
      These shirts are all mediums and I take a large.
      Make my French fries a medium.
      Her preferred medium is sculpture.
      The artist works in two media , pencil and watercolor.
      Origin of MEDIUM
      Latin, from neuter of medius middle — more at mid
      First Known Use: 1589
      Related to MEDIUM
      Synonyms: golden mean, mean, middle, middle ground, midpoint
      Related Words: arithmetic mean, average; median, norm, par, standard
      Near Antonyms: maximum, utmost; minimum
      see all synonyms and antonyms
      [+]more[-]hide
      Rhymes with MEDIUM
      tedium
      Britannica.com
      Learn more about “medium” and related topics at Britannica.com

  49. Cynical

    October 8, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    You are soooo on point. Weddings these days are really overrated. I also relocated abroad after my wedding but I didn’t have the liver to write “cash only” (or similar wording) on the invite- my mother would have killed me! So now, both our parents have the pleasure of hosting our gifts in their houses 🙂

    • Wag

      October 18, 2010 at 12:32 pm

      Ha Ha Ha … Cynical you r too funny …I actually burst out laughing ‘in d office’….Iya Bose is a nice name oh …how about iya Suberu!!!!

  50. Cynical

    October 8, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Oh, another annoying trend is people’s tendency to overdo themselves in their wedding colours… magenta, cinnamon, malachite, xanadu, burnt sienna, burnt umber, burnt orange, burnt dodo. I mean, really? How is Iya Bose your cousin from your hometown supposed to interprete those colours?

    • Anuola

      October 11, 2010 at 2:08 pm

      Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Burnt Dodo. LMHO

    • hateunrealisticpeople

      October 11, 2010 at 4:23 pm

      nice one cynical…u couldnt have said it better..loooool

    • deebaby

      October 11, 2010 at 8:54 pm

      OMG!!!!! THAT’S TOOOOOO FUNNY! tiffany blues and the likes..lol…burnt DODO tow me up! HAHAHAHA!~

    • Ann

      October 12, 2010 at 5:26 am

      OMG!!!!!!!! Your comment is off the chains!!! buhahahahahhaha

  51. Straight talk Express

    October 9, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    You are so right..The mistake most of about to wed make is not getting good photographer to capture their wedding..I hate to see wedding pictures looking like the 1960…

  52. chi chi

    October 9, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Correcter the Worster…didn’t you mean spectator???

  53. madam

    October 9, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    The negative tone running through this article is crazy!! Its not your business what people decide to wear, what they ask for, who dances,who doesn’t, who choose magenta or Tiffany blue or buys aso-ebi or not- It seems to be the case that a lot of people go to weddings of those they don’t know and then complain that it was boring- really? Do you think its boring for the couple or their parents/siblings/bridal train? You obviously didn’t get the vibe because you aren’t as vested in it as the ‘main people’ Don’t go to weddings of people you don’t know well enough to truly share the joy of their day! Weddings/receptions are celebrations of a marriage -not there to entertain you…How many of the people whining on here,actually bought gifts for the people they are complaining about- cash gifts or otherwise? Nigerians complain about weddings but add a whole lot to it by going as ‘ mo gbo moya’ guests- then have the temerity to say it didn’t feel “personalised, it was boring”… can we stop judging each other’s weddings, focus on ourselves and our choices… what vicious,little people you all sound like!

    • Adeola

      October 19, 2010 at 7:32 pm

      its the 21st century mate FREEDOM OF SPEECH!

  54. madam

    October 9, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    *who chose magenta..* That said I’m always happy to read positive things and constructive comments on http://www.justweddingsinspired.blogspot.com... at least nasty comments on people’s otherwise happy occasions are not allowed…

  55. Pizzazz

    October 9, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    I don’t really like the way she puts this article.. I think she needs to get married first and let’s see how many of these “sins” she won’t comit at her own wedding…. The bolero thingy is sorta true, but the cash gift is sorta exagerated… why not talk about the bride’s maids skimpy clothes and the awkward colour combos cpouples are trying to pull off

  56. Sparkles

    October 10, 2010 at 3:19 am

    I think the next thing to be attacked are those huge spider-like hair pieces brides use these days.

    • Orabel

      October 12, 2010 at 4:50 pm

      You are sooooooo right Maama

  57. deebaby

    October 11, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    btw, why can’t we ask for cash gifts? (obviously, HOW you word it is very important..) but it is not strange to have “spray money” in Nigerian weddings. so rather than have MANY people handle and possibly steal the money, why not place it in an envelope with a wedding card and hand it nicely to the couple…better appreciated than the “show off spraying tradition that 9ja’s are accustomed to! think about it! it makes sense! it’s only because it’s a change from what people are used to that makes it sound a little off…ok am done!…:)

  58. So Cool

    October 12, 2010 at 5:00 am

    It is so easy to say ‘Cash Only’ gifts are tacky but when you already have everything you need in your home, what will you do? It does not make sense to go to the store and register a bunch of gifts that you don’t really need so your friends have a choice to pick from. I don’t see a problem with requesting monetary gifts, to each his own.
    Funny bit on aso-ebi, I find it funny that random people now wear aso ebi that are meant for family members and close friends. It is so overdone these days.
    Out of most weddings I have been to or seen, the simple ones always look the best, so tone it down a bit nigerians 🙂

  59. Abike

    October 12, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    Lol! I second all that you have listed.

  60. ronik

    October 12, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    …hmmm nice piece, i totally agree with the bolero jacket it can be really,really annoying

  61. brendz

    October 12, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    i thot the article was brilliant but i have to ask if the writer is married or has planned a wedding for herself
    i had a strictly by invite wedding to control cost, a maid of honour and a best man, our daughter was the little bride!
    I wish i could has aked for cash cos all i got were tumblers and aliminium plates that i will never use …oh and the same set of “dinner plates” in 10 places,
    these are added to all the gifts i got from my family at my “igba nkwu” a month before so my kitchen was already sorted.
    For a wedding there can never be enuff money, esp if ur not a “dangote” or an “adenuga”….so pls be gentle with the “only cash gifts” couples
    Friends and associations of aso ebi buyers should dance,cos my wedding was smaller than the norm, it was fun…we danced and danced ( my hubby does it proffessionally) so his troupe had a nice time! i wish i could share my experience with upcoming brides and grooms! oh, and my colour was red and white o!

  62. Zazzle

    October 12, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    What about strapless wedding dresses? You forgot this annoying trend, it’s as if it’s the only gown style available and it’s like brides don’t even consider their shape when they get these gowns. I’ve seen girls with huge busts/backfat peeking out of their dress as well as watching them adjust their dress all day. Nawa, why not find a style that flatters you rather than force a trend that is not for everyone. I thought the point was to looking fabulous on your wedding day not conform to fashion trend that is not for all ugh!

  63. AdukeT-baby

    October 12, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    lolz.couldnt stop laughing .i hate d boleros absolutely annoyn.y not go for a lovely sleeveless cinderella gown,dan using one hideous bolero.yuck!

  64. Godlovesme4me

    October 12, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Very funny article…#1 is definitely annoying especially when same fabric and color not used. #5 now thats ridiculous. I enjoyed reading, thanks for sharing.

  65. Bisqo

    October 12, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    @Alero:
    FYI, see below from the merriam-webster dictionary online:
    1me·di·um noun \ˈmē-dē-əm\
    plural mediums or me·dia\-dē-ə\
    Definition of MEDIUM
    1a : something in a middle position b : a middle condition or degree : mean
    2: a means of effecting or conveying something: as a (1) : a substance regarded as the means of transmission of a force or effect (2) : a surrounding or enveloping substance (3) : the tenuous material (as gas and dust) in space that exists outside large agglomerations of matter (as stars) b plural usually media (1) : a channel or system of communication, information, or entertainment — compare mass medium (2) : a publication or broadcast that carries advertising (3) : a mode of artistic expression or communication (4) : something (as a magnetic disk) on which information may be stored c : go-between, intermediary d plural mediums : an individual held to be a channel of communication between the earthly world and a world of spirits e : material or technical means of artistic expression
    3a : a condition or environment in which something may function or flourish b plural media (1) : a nutrient system for the artificial cultivation of cells or organisms and especially bacteria (2) : a fluid or solid in which organic structures are placed (as for preservation or mounting) c : a liquid with which pigment is mixed by a painter
    See Usage Discussion at media
    Examples of MEDIUM
    These shirts are all mediums and I take a large.
    Make my French fries a medium.
    Her preferred medium is sculpture.
    The artist works in two media , pencil and watercolor.
    Origin of MEDIUM
    Latin, from neuter of medius middle — more at mid
    First Known Use: 1589
    Related to MEDIUM
    Synonyms: golden mean, mean, middle, middle ground, midpoint
    Related Words: arithmetic mean, average; median, norm, par, standard
    Near Antonyms: maximum, utmost; minimum
    see all synonyms and antonyms
    [+]more[-]hide
    Rhymes with MEDIUM
    tedium
    Britannica.com
    Learn more about “medium” and related topics at Britannica.com

  66. Gee

    October 12, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Muah! This article is TOTALLY on point! Itz d bomb! Loving the bit abt the photo scandal thing. Poor groom men, when they can b hooking up wif lovely single ladies..lmao

    The plastic bit is also damn true…wat r we thinking?!

  67. dubaisands

    October 13, 2010 at 7:19 am

    excellent write up. spot on.

  68. Omo

    October 14, 2010 at 5:16 am

    Absolutely loved your piece..

  69. Ochella

    October 14, 2010 at 10:23 am

    ROTFL Very funny but so true. Carry go u too much!

  70. amaqqs

    October 14, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Soooo funny Cynical. Those obscure shades have been ticking me off for a while now. Whatever happened to plain old purple, light blue… now each color has like 50 variants. lmao @ ‘burnt dodo’

  71. Ogo

    October 14, 2010 at 11:49 am

    lol….i don laff tire! Nice one.

  72. Girly

    October 14, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    I cant believe u missed out guys wearing gloves, r u kidding me thats one of my major pet peeves.

  73. mimi

    October 14, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    coincidentally, i just went to check out a wedding dress for myself today and i made the same remark about boleros. for goodness sakes, it kills the beauty of the dress. they forced me to try one on and i totally didnt like it, it just made the design on the dress pointless. however, that being said, the reason for this trend is simple- we are nigerians and most churches are conservative (my church is actually going to inspect my dress) plus why do most wedding dresses have to be strapless or sphagetti straps?

    other totally annoying wedding trends:
    1. decorating cars with ballons and ribbons + plate number “about to wed/just wedded”
    2. high table at reception/ mother of the day, father of the day (mostly a show of the richest people at the party)

  74. Cocolette12

    October 15, 2010 at 12:16 am

    [email protected] Burnt dodo! cynical i’m so feeling you on dat one!absolutely annoying , @ Writer hilarious write up! sooo on point.

  75. kike

    October 15, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    O MINE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,THE CLOSING LINE IS SO FUNNY’ THE BOSS THOUGHT THEY BOTH PASSED ON……….LOL

  76. Myname

    October 15, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Pls I need you guys to give me the courage to request for ”cash only gifts”. My financee lives in Australia and sees nothing wrong in that but in Naija?

  77. Yomi

    October 15, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    lmao> totally on point. clueless bunch of people who dont even know why they want to get married or how to make the event work for their environment.

  78. B.

    October 16, 2010 at 2:43 am

    Nice one.

  79. Violet

    October 16, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Interesting article…and quite hillarious!!”Burnt dodo”dat was soooo funnny

  80. tosin

    October 17, 2010 at 12:21 am

    i dont see anything wrong with cash only gift, i rather write that on my iv and collect N50, than collecting coolers,buckets or bowls that most have broken.

  81. LeighJoy

    October 17, 2010 at 11:23 am

    a classic i loved it!

  82. steezy

    October 18, 2010 at 8:40 am

    irrespective of where the couple are based,gifts are gifts n should come from the heart. it is really tacky. u shouldn’t tell people what they should give you

  83. Zahra

    October 18, 2010 at 11:07 am

    As a Nigerian, abroad, I go for Cash Only gifts all the way (tacky or not) Nigerians at home will come around eventually to appreciate that. And of course a customized registry. As someone said no need having mismatched items and really and truly every penny counts so why not. Funny article

  84. lol

    October 18, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Love this write up…esp the Aso Ebi bit, its true why not stand up and dance sebi you bought the material, hence dont waste your investment…most people rarely wear them again to another wedding except church. Love your sense of humour about the bride’s pic…lol

  85. Bush

    October 19, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Love the end part….*look like they passed on* lol

  86. Kay..

    October 20, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    @ the comment on carrying the bride………….’ Why even bother with this picture pose? It has so much potential to turn into a complete disaster. If she as much as slips, the groom looses five points off his perfect score for dropping his gem and another five points off for recruiting groomsmen without sufficient six packs.’………..LWKMD!!!

  87. Kay..

    October 20, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Lol on d last bit…..’… “so what happened to them?” pointing to my lunch bag.
    I happily responded, “Oh they got married!” He blandly replied, “Interesting, but it looks more like they both passed on.”…I guess he didn’t see the ‘Conjugal Bliss’ printed at the far bottom…Lmao!!!

  88. Ay

    October 24, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    So true
    I love the article
    I can’t remember how many sets of ‘ugly” tumblers, dinner sets, coolers…etc We received as wedding gifts. That reminds me , 4 pressure cookers and so many unneccessary stuff. Even folks you think are enlightened still go ahead to buy you a set of ugly dinner plates they know you will never use. We ended up giving most of them out and the rest are lying somewhere in my in-laws house because we live abroad.

  89. wandey!

    October 28, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    u kill me wit really, the whole article, d euphemisms, d comments from every 1.
    refreshing really.

  90. angelsbeauty

    November 11, 2010 at 12:30 am

    SPOT ON!

  91. tiki

    November 13, 2010 at 10:52 am

    cynical! i thought the writer was funny, until i read ur comment!u should channel that and start ur own blog…
    about the article, so true and on point!take that, snotty brides…

  92. chiche

    February 2, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Girlfriend, I am clapping for you. Loved this and anyone saying they sense anger here probably did the same weird things as well! lol!!

  93. tife

    February 3, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Irresistibly hilarious!

  94. Miss T

    February 6, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    ‘Sidon look category’ hahaha!

  95. Unique Beauty

    May 24, 2011 at 11:55 am

    LMaoooooo! I’m seeing this months later but what an awesome way to start my morning! I’m cracking up soo much! Love, Love, LOOOVEEE the article! The bolero I think is the worst… Just get a dress that fits properly and is decent enough for your type of Church… I love aso-ebi but I only ever attend weddings of close friends etc in which case, I’ll most certainly NOT be sitting down! The last line killed it! Looool! Well done!!!

  96. j"la!

    September 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    una ALL no well!…LMFAO!!!!!!AM ABT TO PEW ON MY SIT 4 MY OFFIZE!…TEARS IN MY EYES…OOOOH,! LAUGH WAN KILL MAI BELLE O! BRK MY HEAD O……

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