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Carry it Well!



A few weeks ago I found myself watching the Tyra Banks Show and for once I found the topic of discussion quite interesting. In part, it went a little something like this: some women who had issues with certain aspects of their physical features and bodies were concealed behind a screen and only those worrisome parts were displayed to the studio audience. Members of the audience were then asked to rate these parts on a scale of one to ten, with one being the highest. The women on display were also asked to rate their parts as well. The women who were on display invariably gave a poor rating to those parts while members of the audience invariably gave a high rating to those parts! Well the whole thing was hilarious but more importantly I came away with a confirmation of the feeling that most women have issues with certain aspects of their bodies and looks. More specifically, there was this very beautiful woman of African American heritage who said that she had issues with her breasts because she felt they were too big (from an African man’s point of view they were just right!) and as a result she felt that men were attracted to her only because of her boobs! While she rated them poorly, the audience made up of both men and women loved them! Of course men are going to be attracted to her physical endowments! What are they? Blind? Well, Tyra tried to give her the whole “wrapping and content” lecture which I hope she took to heart. Another woman had issues with her ears and was going to have corrective surgery…well, they did stick out a lot but…come on Will Smith’s got huge stick out ears and that hasn’t stopped him from becoming one of the most sought after actors in the world! OK maybe I should have used a female example but you get my point.

It’s not the fact that you have got pimples, or are too lepa or too orobo, or you have a bad leg or tiny ankles or your hairline is making a hasty retreat that matters. What matters is how well you carry it! In relation to size, I know orobo babes that have a lot more confidence and pizzazz than their lepa counterparts! Likewise I have seen lepa babes that would give Agbani a run for her money with their swagger! I have a male friend who is rather short but forget, the guy was friends with more women than I could count. He carried his height (or the lack of it) rather well and had a great personality which attracted women. Dude is even married to a woman who is taller than he is.

It really breaks my heart to see perfectly beautiful women limit themselves because of the way they think they look. I had a friend tell me once that she didn’t think she was very pretty. I was like, “Are you joking?” because this girl is quite pretty and she’s doing great at the same time. She said that she didn’t think she was attractive enough. I told her that she was wrong and that all she needed to do was to change her perception about herself because really our self perception always shows in our carriage and reflects upon everything else that we do. Thankfully she took my advice and now has a series of toasters and boyfriends. And sometimes it could be all sorts of things hindering them: their hands, weight, lips, noses, teeth, arms, bow legs, k-legs etc. I just laugh because the truth is the guy that is going to fall for you isn’t going to fall for you based on your looks alone but on the total package i.e. the content as well as the wrapping.

Now I don’t mean to brush aside the feelings of “insecurity” that some of us have with respect to our looks and issues. It must be harder for some people but I implore them to carry it and carry it well! If your issue is a medical condition, you should take the pains to minimise the effects. Truth is sometimes it is in our power to control those things that bother us; and other times it is not in our power. If it is the former,  don’t be lazy, if you have bad acne, try and find out what causes it – an oily face, certain hormones, certain foods etc; if you are really bothered about your weight, hit the gym and watch what you eat. In school there was a girl who was an albino but I can say without hesitating that she was definitely one of the hottest girls on campus, she had a lovely figure and her skin was always glowingly beautiful. She obviously took care of herself, by understanding her condition and took the pains to do the right things, like avoid unnecessary exposure to the sun e.t.c.

If the condition is not in our power to control, I say again carry it well! A friend who has a bad leg as a result of childhood polio has such a bubbly and effervescent personality that even those that would normally stare are forced to see her for who she is, a fun, witty, beautiful and loving person. She’s happily married today and is bringing joy to her husband’s life. She carries it well. I’m a guy so take it from me that if you carry it well, there will be guys who would be seriously interested in you. We had a saying in school that even if a girl had one eye, there would still be one or two guys who would be tripping for her. Don’t let your issues prevent you from enjoying what could be a great relationship. Believe me, showing a lack of confidence is highly unattractive; it’s not your skin condition but your refusal to carry it well and lack of confidence that puts people off. We don’t want to go on dates with you because you refuse to enjoy yourself.

So at the risk of sounding insensitive, whether it’s big tummies, big booties, skinny legs, a funny nose, a stammer, a lisp, baldness, cross eyes, funny teeth, acne, stretch marks, a bum leg, vitiligo, albinism, tiny ankles, big boobs, or small boobies, or if you are a man or woman just remember that you are beautiful! Don’t limit yourself, just carry it well!

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  1. Efe

    June 16, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Correct. True word!

  2. Pearl

    June 16, 2011 at 9:05 am

    no comment yet?wher are those ‘i am 1st,yipee’??

  3. Hills

    June 16, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Truth is we all need to read write ups like this every once in a while to remind ourselves of
    this truth.

  4. Purpleicious Babe

    June 16, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Nice article… I pray people see the beauty inside and carry themselves well with their uniqueness…

    The reason why people tend to feel insecure is due to various mental and external factors such as media, adverts, abuse, peer pressure etc .. Yes, I see what you are saying bro, having watched a documentary on channel 4 titled beauty and the beast. It makes u appreciate that beauty is really from within.

    I know of a Caucasian guy (from the beauty and the beast documentary), he suffered serious accident from accidental petrol at age of 14 and both his hands, face, thighs etc were affected and badly burnt, he lost most of his fingers and his face was badly affected. He had to undergo more than 3o constructive surgeries for medical and mental reason. Although, he thought he could not get married (he is married with gorgeous kids and his wife is absolutely adorable.) It goes to show that yes sometimes we might reject some aspects of our body due to the ideology we have to be perfect or seem perfect, but the fact is what u consider crap is someone else is best and they are happy with life.

    So, yes we should be proud of who we are and who we inspire to become rather than what we look like. Self confidence should be exhibited not only to attract potential partners but to rise above all types of challenges and pursue our dreams without feeling left out and being an inspiration to urself and to many others. God bless us and help us to love our inner beauty.. GOD IS LOVE…

    • Ada babe

      June 20, 2011 at 10:39 pm

      I cldnt agree more

  5. Hills

    June 16, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Thanks TJ for reminding me. I almost forgot.

  6. kekeli

    June 16, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Lol, I like. Very well said author…so tired of girls especially tripping over body parts that no one else seems to notice anyway. I had a similar conversation with my girl who is beautifully endowed but is just complaining about how much weight she has gained and am thinking…”girl, get a grip,am dying for a behind like yours” but she would like to be a pocket venus like me….no pleasing humans you see

  7. Lue

    June 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

    of course, no one is perfect…………….we just have to carry our imperfections well……………..nice one TJ

  8. Telma

    June 16, 2011 at 10:06 am

    nice one .. i actually have spots on my legs and hid them for a long while , and kept wearing long skirts that make me look alot shorter than i am already, later i discovered i cant continue like that , i started wearing short skirts and funny enof the spots started clearing .

  9. royalhottie

    June 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

    i have full lips and i hated them when i was younger
    and was called ‘pomo’ lips while @ school. but this has turned out to be one of my best phsical faeture. my hubby can kiss my lips forever now cos its full and kissable*winks*

    • abeke

      June 16, 2011 at 12:42 pm

      I hate my lips so much, dunno what to do with them. I feel ppl look at them when I m talking, what do u do to make them look nice

    • Di

      June 19, 2011 at 8:02 pm

      If it is big or in your mind you think it’s not shapely, use darker lip pencils & less gloss. If your lips are too small, use one shade of popping color on your lips & more gloss to plum it.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 20, 2011 at 9:19 pm

      lol… aww nice one

  10. 2kool

    June 16, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Exactly TJ! We can have body issues and we must learn how to bluff our way through it. I have always had very small boobs but it hasn’t stopped me from getting married ( to a hunk I must add LOL!!) and breast-feeding our three adorable children all with my little boobs!!!!!!

  11. 2kool

    June 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Exactly TJ! We can have body issues and we must learn how to bluff our way through it. I have always had very small boobs but it hasn’t stopped me from getting married ( to a hunk I must add LOL!!) and breast-feeding our three adorable children all with my little boobs!!!!!! And the boobs are still small but standing upright.

  12. Gg

    June 16, 2011 at 10:29 am

    yess… you have to learn to carry it well oh!

  13. MeeMee

    June 16, 2011 at 10:50 am

    This article jst reminded jolted me back to reality. I used to bliv dt i am unattractive because i am on d big side(dou im married)….But tnks 4letting me know dt i can carry it well…

  14. MeeMee

    June 16, 2011 at 10:51 am

    **jolted not reminded**

  15. sleekiun

    June 16, 2011 at 10:53 am

    beautifully written……..

  16. my day

    June 16, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I am ‘eyeing’ your legs, you are eye-balling my behind. I would kill for natural hair like yours, my eyes hypnotize you. If i had the money i would take a picture of your nose to Dr. 90210; you go to the salon every weekend to get nails like mine. It’s a funny world because i see you when i look in the mirror, and you see me when you look. We just dont realise we are beauties.

    • iBreatheFreedom

      June 16, 2011 at 2:23 pm

      Very deep comment…funny how the world works


      June 24, 2011 at 3:05 pm

      WoW! so so true. Note to babaes – that girl you are “eyeing” and trying to learn one or two tricks from (and just maybe hating on), is most probably “eyeing” you too. Go figure!!!

  17. Fab junkie

    June 16, 2011 at 11:05 am

    Self confidence is key, its not overrated.

  18. anike

    June 16, 2011 at 11:06 am

    This is so true. I have always been on the big side but i tell you out of all my friends (and i have 3 that have the so-called perfect size 8), i have always had the MOST male attention. I have just one thing to attribute that to: CONFIDENCE baby!!!!! LOL
    Truly,the most attractive feature on a woman is Confidence

  19. emjay

    June 16, 2011 at 11:41 am

    This is a beautiful article! thanks for the reminder TJ

  20. faith

    June 16, 2011 at 11:46 am

    yes dear…confidence is the KEY word here!!!!!with dat u canu get wat eva u want…

  21. tite

    June 16, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    so trure.i love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


    June 16, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Fantastic write-up! Totally on point! I can relate with this piece as i am a plump lady, but my carriage is totslly up there, i dress so well, it compliments my figure, brings out the most beautiful parts of my body, gotta a pretty face to go with it and can’t stop smiling, with brains and poise and a personality that wows, as i am fun to be with and have loads of witty friends, i can’t stop attractive guys from coming up to me, they just keep coming……

    With love for urself, the right carriage, dress sense and fantastic personality, u’ld wow anyone, no matter what. It doesn’t mean that once in a while, i wish there are stuffs i can change, i don’t let it put me down for long, i look at the bright side, and live with it with a huge grin and a sense of humour!

  23. Ayaoba

    June 16, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Nice one, I actually fit into some of d examples
    Big tummies: my friends do envy my tummy cos clothes fit better on me dan them esp Office Shirts.
    An occasional stammerer: I don’t get 2 argue with Colleagues & friends, so am only called to judge a particular problem/case.
    Oily face: I get 2 av my handkerchief with m al d tym, dats makes m look clean & tidy.
    Cheeckbone: Most hairstyles fit me & I get to wear all types of sunshades…

  24. Ayaoba

    June 16, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    @HRS Olubusola, mayb we need 2 hook up soon & hangout, am also a plump lady & my dad kip sayin…”don’t get too fat, cos u are short”…bt rily am a big 10..
    Ad 2 go 2 a finishing school 2 upgrade my personality & sellable skills..
    Can’t shout…
    Av tons of secret admirer!!!

  25. dammy

    June 16, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    as in olubusola ………..dat would have been my exact comment……….have confidence in ur self cuz u r wat you believe

  26. pocahontas

    June 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    great article….reminds me of lady gaga’s born this way. God makes no mistakes….self confidence is key!!!!!!!!!!

  27. Tiwalola

    June 16, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    This is absolutely Beautiful!

  28. Dupe

    June 16, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    The truth is that guys especially will judge a girl for how she looks but that is not your own problem, as long as you carry yourself well and you are happy!There is somebody for someone o jare

  29. Mariamah

    June 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    You are absolutely right

  30. kiki

    June 16, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    i have got very huge boobs…to give you an idea of how huge, i give cossy ojiakor a run for her money. And it was partly bcos of the way she is and the negative comments i hear people make of her boobs that made me hate myself when i was growing. i hated myself so much it was unbelievable. sometimes i wish i would have a terrible accident that would affect my boobs and make the doctors have to cut them, thats how twisted i was. But one day i met a guy who told me he wished his wife had my type of boobs. i have also met women who wished they own my boobs, and i think they are crazy. i just got married and my husband loves my body just as it and when i talk of breast reduction he gives me a very dirty eye… just as the above article says, we should all try and see ourselves the way others see us. it will go a long way in helping our insecurities.

  31. tola

    June 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    i love this article. you hit the nail on the head. thumbs up!

  32. Tiki

    June 16, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    lol @ the comments above…okay, so have a flat butt and a bit of a round tummy, dimpled thighs et bla et bla et bla…but I was one of the lucky ones, I realised very early that I was stuck with this body for life unless I wanna put my eba aside (which I don’t! *wink) , so I owned it…today I turn heads whenever I enter a room, and even guys who traditionally like lepas admit that this orobo girl is fyyyyn! We need to stop worrying about what we cannot change, change what we can, and love the whole package!

  33. chi

    June 16, 2011 at 3:15 pm


  34. kenomy

    June 16, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    True talk. Love the article, kip it up

  35. onelagoschic

    June 16, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    I have been blessed to say i dont particularly have any hangups. I grew past that when i realized i was just lucky to be alive. I went somewhere to do my eyebrows, and the guy told me my eyebrows were not “right” and they started further from where they should. I told the guy thank u, but no thank u to permanent eye tattoos, and that i fancied my eyebrows just the way they are. the truth is seeing beauty in urself and understanding that God was not asleep or negligent when he created u goes a long way.

  36. ada

    June 16, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    good article. inspiring.

  37. baberutty

    June 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    When I was 3years old I had a domestic fire accident that left a big scar right behind my legs and elbows, so growing up as a babe, I was always uncomfortable about exposing my legs. You would never catch me wearing a dress that stops on my knees. I also never wore short skirts.

    In sec skool, I’d adjusted my skirt until its almost reaching my ankles. My siblings always said the scars werent as bad as I thought. Anytime i went for parties with my friends, i wud wear a pair of trousers. I totally envied their legs.

    This went on for decades until 3years ago when I met my fiance. He noticed that I never wore short dresses or skirts so oneday he asked me to wear a short dress and come dance salsa with him. I told him no way. I reminded him of my scars and he said “my dear, I cant see any scars on ur legs”. I started wondering if he was blind or something. Anyway, I applied some concealer and wore a short dress for the salsa date.I was very uncomfortable and tried not to turn my back on anyone so they dont notice my legs. But my fiance kept saying I should let go and just have fun. Yes I did have fun and felt so good about myself. I felted renewed and reborn. Few days later I went to shop for short dresses. It became so crazy that ppl started wondering if i’d ever wear trousers again as I stock to short dresses till date. I recently looked at the scars and saw that they werent as conspicious as I thought. Most times ppl dont even notice it. So I came to the realisation that its ALL IN THE MIND.

    • Ogo

      June 17, 2011 at 2:06 pm

      True baberutty, I tell you that even when is on my face and very obvious, am living my life to the full.
      U know what I found out what you give people is what they take. Give a positive you and they accept u as such, give a negative you and they accept u as such as well.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 20, 2011 at 9:26 pm

      WOW… thank God for the realization… Imagine having to live with the lies of the devil… and just hiding what some people will die to have..

      THank God for the renewed mind.. yes it all in our minds ohh….

  38. ForeverYoung

    June 16, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    *Yawns*…yeah yeah we r all beautiful and all those nice words, but abegii I’m tired of people all in the name of “carrying it well” becoming delusional about how they look. Too much whoopilook alikes seeing halle berry when they look in d mirror. Now not saying whoopi is ugly, but she is who she is, if we judge her by halle’s standard, u knw how dat go turn out to be, on her own? yes she has some cool features.
    Thats why a lot of girls end up lonely, because for some reason they think they are halle berry and r waiting for a boris kodjo, instead of them to be looking for an “akon” or don jazzy type of man….*tutt…it’s good to know what position we carry…we all get levels
    I think our imperfections serves it purpose – it forces us to be humble because we know we r not perfect. I can imagine if all these 5 out of 10 boys/girls were a 9, we no go hear word.

    I digress a lil, but not to step on anyone toes, it gets annoying when all these extra big women act like the weight don’t bother them…who likes extra rolls of fat jiggling with every movement they make? forget fashion, u r more likely to live a healthier life slimmer, not expecting you to be stick thin, but come on, shebi monique dey make mouth, why is she always trying to lose weight? I’m not d perfect weight but I make a conscious effort to enhance my quality of life by making healthier choices and managing my imperfections, not sitting on the couch weighing 300pds with oiled up acne face and singing “I’m beautiful its true”….nah sweetie get up and take care of urself….maintain ur body..

    • Keisha

      June 16, 2011 at 4:56 pm

      You need to think before you type. Common now, its not what you think that matters, its what and how others feel. I am pretty sure you have an imperfection, how would you feel if someone attacks that thing you feel uncomfortable about. While you think in your own myopic view that Whoopi is ugly, and Halle is beautiful, I SAY EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL IN THERE OWN WAY, YES INCLUDING YOU. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES, grantes pple need to take care of themselves, but it all boils down to what you feel on the inside, inward beauty precedes physical beauty, trust me.

    • ForeverYoung

      June 16, 2011 at 5:19 pm

      And you my dear, need to read and comprehend. 🙂

    • Bisi

      June 16, 2011 at 5:44 pm

      While i totally think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, ppl like you are just annoying! I have a friend like you who told me recently that she doesnt want anyone bigger than a size 12 on her bridal train because overweight people have no self control blah blah blah….I was speechless.
      The point that i believe the author is tryin to make is that you should learn to love yourself regardless. Your weight, height or whateva ‘imperfections’ you have should not define you or hinder your self-confidence. Also, on your point about ladies ending up lonely, i would now ask you , would you rather be with a size 8-10 lady ( Halle) that constantly moans about her weight etc or a 16-18 lady (whoopi) that is comfortable and confident about who she is and i am sure you can testify that in Africa …. Nigeria to be precise some ‘big’ ladies have very beautiful figures so why would they want an ‘akon’???? Please if a person feels uncomfortable, they should go ahead and lose some weight but the main issue here is that confidence is a very attractive quality and whether a person is a size 8 or 18, it shouldnt matter.
      I must also add that majority of the people around me who complain about their bodies etc are all the size 8 ladies and it just breaks my heart that they cant see how beautiful they are.
      I am a size 16 myself and if I may say so myself, I am a beautiful person and i dont even want to see ‘halle’ in the mirror because I LOVE ME!

    • senorittah

      June 16, 2011 at 6:21 pm

      “Thats why a lot of girls end up lonely, because for some reason they think they are halle berry and r waiting for a boris kodjo, instead of them to be looking for an “akon” or don jazzy type of man….*tutt…it’s good to know what position we carry…we all get levels”

      If I may ask? how does beauty equates ‘levels’ ? How do u explainthe fact that the so called “not pretty” easily get married (on time) to very good looking guys? while the pretty ones are ‘spouseless’ still waiting or probably get married to the likes of Don Jazzy (in ur words)? My opinion; how you look does dictate ur level in anyway.

    • socris

      June 16, 2011 at 6:47 pm

      i totally understand where your coming from. i guess your just trying to make people understand that being fat is not an excuse for not living a healthy life. There are fat healthy people who like themselves just the way they are but there are also fat people who just wont live healthy. They tend to have loads of medical problems from diabetics, high blood pressure, to arthritis not saying these are limited to fat people, skinny people also have these problem too. I am a lepa and trust me its not easy being one in a country where the big people are more appreciated. i just learnt to rock my body and i will do it with pleasure…………

    • Gorgeous

      June 16, 2011 at 7:43 pm


    • Dr Peperempe

      June 16, 2011 at 7:46 pm

      Sweet Jesus ! there are people who are so little in their minds like this sha? kai ! damboroba! walahi if you dey near me kperen, i for don mama your anya! Ok Dr focus! You are a true example of the lies that the west and media have imprinted into the minds of people by way of stereotypes! What do you mean by waiting for Boris Kodjoe when they should be thinking of Akon or Don Jazzy? Does this mean that Boris is better looking just cos he is tall and light skinned? All of a sudden we have levels as regards our looks? Poor you. Emancipate yourself lovey! you sound to me like a very sad person who would make Tura and their likes rake in lots of profit if u were dark ! free your mind from slavery and its mentality honey!

    • Sassy

      June 17, 2011 at 12:49 pm

      Haba! Ladies (if u all are). Give ForeverYoung a break now. Honestly I understand the point she is trying to highlight and all i can say is ‘to each it’s own’. In the name of confidence, i have seen sisters with shortcomings been arrogant and obnoxious. And some do nothing about physical shortcomings that could easily be fixed by discipline, i.e. weight control!!! Trust me, no matter how confident you carry yourself, no man goes out to seek a size 18-24 girls unless he wants a baby machine and a woman who would be grateful to him for making her a Mrs . . .

    • Dr Peperempe

      June 18, 2011 at 9:48 am

      No man does what? dey there! some like them big others like them slim but believe me, i know men that like very big women! dont be deceived !

    • lustre

      June 21, 2011 at 11:42 am

      my goodness. ur so funny but true

    • idy

      May 15, 2012 at 4:42 pm

      Yea yea….talkative….some people are fat by heritage…and skinny doesn’t necessarily mean healthy… so she shud kill her self because she aint like hally berry…if feeling she is halle berry will make her feel good about her self…den bravo girl…cos when she feels good about her self …den others feel good about you….
      And yeaaaa….loneliness has nothing to do with looks or figure trust me…u can still be in a company of friendsss…even ur husband and be lonely…i think its better to be ugly and get companionship for who you are than to be pretty and be chosen for ur looks….

    • idy

      May 15, 2012 at 4:49 pm

      Yea yea….talkative….some people are fat by heritage…and skinny doesn’t necessarily mean healthy… so she shud kill her self because she aint like hally berry…if feeling she is halle berry will make her feel good about her self…den bravo girl…cos when she feels good about her self …den others feel good about you….
      And yeaaaa….loneliness has nothing to do with looks or figure trust me…u can still be in a company of friendsss…even ur husband and be lonely…i think its better to be ugly and get companionship for who you are than to be pretty and be chosen for ur looks….and im sure now dat u r full of imperfections…either physically or emotionally or mentally or financially or family wise….i dey lie….every one has something in this world to deal with so dont make pple feel worse by talkn about them like that…

  39. noella

    June 16, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    @keisha WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  40. BeautyFULL

    June 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    @Forever young,I don’t understand people like you.Are you saying average looking girls shouldn’t expect to date or marry handsome men?please,if your making a case for exercise do so and stop talking rubbish.Afterall if cute girls dated only handsome men,most men would be single cause there are more beautiful,well groomed females than there are men.That said,great article!

  41. ForeverYoung

    June 16, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    @Bisi u r barking up the wrong tree, in no way have I dismissed “fat” people…note I used “extra big” and I used it in relation to people who act like their weight don’t bother them. I’m not your friend, ur friend is not me. I see no point in trying to explain my POV, if it flew over ur head the first time, i doubt u will get if I try …end of…

    @senorita,never said beauty = levels I used “levels” in 9ja terms – there are several basis for apple cannot be compared to orange, but does that make apple better than orange? In some cases apple is better, in some orange is best…again “all na levels”

    @Socris, I’m not a model and I’m not thin, but I work hard to keep a healthy weight, which IMO is not convenient, I could easily pull up the “i don’t care, I’m big and beautiful” card which is even more convenient…u got my drift!!

    I did note that I was digressing, in case my comedial way of writing(or kind of) overshadowed the points I was trying to address, find them below:

    1) Delusions and
    2) Denials

    I’m by no means trying to put anyone down, and to add to that, the way pple deny the power of public perception makes me “face palm” sometimes. While public perception IMO is not necessarily a motivation to maintain/lose weight, I must say it does help. If not why r we flattered when we get complimented?. So,unless u live on an island all by urself,public perception in a way plays a role in influencing our overall psyche, but of course the level at which it affects us varies from one individual to another. To act like u ain bothered when u really r is what baffles me..but then…..

    BN…publish my comments.

    • Tiki

      June 17, 2011 at 10:39 am

      I think you are just a sad person who hides behind comments to exercise his small-mindedness.
      1. Have the balls to own up to what you sad, and what it means…when you say ‘…who likes extra rolls of fat jiggling with every movement they make?…’ what is that if not dismissing fat people? You are assuming that because you and small-minded people like you think fat=bad, fat people cannot truly be happy with themselves, no, they must be paying lip service and ‘…sitting on the couch weighing 300pds with oiled up acne face and singing “I’m beautiful its true”….’ to make themselves feel better! Seriously, this is some serious prejudice right here.
      2. Secondly, if you set so much store by what society thinks, quote ‘… the way pple deny the power of public perception makes me “face palm” sometimes’…unquote, then you should realise that the outcry your insensitive comments have provoked means you need to go back to the drawing board.
      3. What does ‘levels’ mean in Naija terms, pray tell? Unless you speak something other than the day-to-day English, it means categories…which denote superiority in some way; hence, you imply that thin people are in some way superior to fat people. Stop burying you head in the sand and acting like you have got no clue what you meant to say.
      4. Finally, I think in your haste to portray your distaste bordering on disgust of fat people, you missed a crucial point TJ was making…what matters is not the size of your body but the size of your heart, the content and not the packaging.In that regard, guess what score i’d give you?
      Goodness, thinking like yours makes me marvel at how sad it is when people hurt others out of sheer cluelessness, or plain cruelty! Some of the energy you expend on ‘keeping a healthy weight’ will be better spent, and indeed more valuable to the ‘society’, if you spent it on some soul-searching and self-development.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 20, 2011 at 9:40 pm

      WOW… soul searching and soul development… That makes me speechless…..

    • Alero

      June 22, 2011 at 1:46 pm

      I am in love with your comment.

    • kaykay

      June 23, 2011 at 1:29 am

      AMEN! that is all!

    • kokodee

      June 18, 2011 at 12:08 am

      ForeverYoung-Double GBAM!!! I feel you are writing out exactly what I was thinking!!I agree with every single one of your posts 😉

    • FavoredOne

      June 27, 2011 at 3:21 pm

      I agree with what u say and i like the way u say it.Like u said,if it flew over their heads the first time,then…smh

  42. busola

    June 16, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    This article just slapped me back to reality. For unknown reasons, I suffer from severe self esteem issues. I actually get scared that I may never get any man who would appreciate me…well, partly because I have small boobs. Normally, I try my best to look good and people always tell me I’m pretty. One would think those comments would make me feel better but no, it doesn’t. I get intimidated easily and I don’t really see the beauty everyone talks about. As a matter of fact, I walk face down and make use of earphones a lot outside. For the very first time, I had a relationship last year but the guy left me for a flimsy excuse..That has made me miserable ever since and I keep blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. I had a serious talk with my brother and all he said to me was, you are a very beautiful girl and any man would be lucky to have you but you have to work on your confidence. I have been reading motivational books and staying closer to God..Anyone reckon any other things I could do?

    • Ms Biosu

      June 17, 2011 at 1:34 am

      Accept yourself for you. A beautiful woman from the inside out, will be like a crown on the head of her prince. Let a guy be ready to LOVE U! Rather than you telling him to LOVE U!! Remember God made you in his image not from the image of another woman. stay blesses my dear.xx

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 23, 2011 at 12:33 am

      God is Love.. u will learn to love urself in time. Don’t rush things, it will just come naturally. Low-self esteem is not of God and it something u have to constantly overcome with determination. Y don’t u try saying am beautiful and wonderfully made every time and start believing what you say It is in the books of Psalm not too sure where. Beauty should not be ur only motivation, loving yourself and your loving your God given talents and understanding that God that made u sees u more than beauty should make u think differently.

      Men should not be ur motivation to determine whether u are beautiful or not. Most of them dont have a clue who they are… seriously, u dont want me to go there.

      Give it time and stop indulging in self pity makes matters worse… REMEMBER it is all in ur mind so make sure u delete every and any negative words sown in ur spirit and remember deliverance is for yours to receive.. U are role model to many generations including ur children, if u dont overcome how will help others???

      Hope this helps… Personally, I overcame my struggle with been hunted with name calling such as bursty, orobo, etc in Nigeria, having massive boobs compared to my mates made me shy and felt tid bit weird.. I started growing at the age of eight and u dont want to know what that felt like.. cos I was clueless.. Besides, u dont want to know the mental torture and emotional pain I went through with family and school mates. Then by just appreciating that it could have been worse and told God I wanted them to growing.. Used my faith and it worked.. I can testify and say it has.. despite going to all the doctors in Niaj and abroad cos my mum was really worried…
      Will share one joke, there was a call in one of the night vigils for healing etc. I went forward and the female pastor asked me what I wanted. I said I want my boobs to stop growing, she looked at me weird and said choose another prayer point…

      Sha I went to my darling surgeon who does wonders for painless prices etc My KING. I used my faith and it worked for me.

      Its shame we have what we dont want, but me I have embraced it ohh and I am loving it and keeping it for my darling chipmunks… They will have a blast including hubby..

      Note: have a renewed mind ohh…

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 23, 2011 at 12:36 am

      I meant stop growing ohh…. please pardon the Grammatical errors….

  43. Supa Ugly

    June 16, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    There was a time people equated your social status with the size of your stomach, face and thighs. E-Honda was rich and respected, Dhalsim was not. A muffin top or a double chin was a sign of affluence. If you were an middle-aged Ibo man on the come-up, those thick-folds behind your neck, nicknamed “obi oko” signified that you were a man of means. If you had a 32 inch waist and a slender build, you were presumed to be a man of beans. And beans in Naija used to be seen as poor man’s food.

    Now attitudes are changing a bit especially in the urban metropolis of Lagos, Port city and Abuja where the demography of middle Nigeria has been changed forever by the “blackberry generation” and the “repatriates” (Diaspora returnees). Okay let me break this down: fat may no longer seen as cool. And we have some people in this country who will want to tell you this to your face. Every.chance. they. get.

    At a wedding, whether you are a guest or the groom – bros, see as your belle dey shoot comot from inside your coat.

    In a danfo or molue bus – Madam, e be like say you go pay double o. See as you fat reach. Make you dress inside well well, or make you come down make my 2 passenger enter motor. E san wo iseyin.

    At a Tejuosho market shop buying clothes – Aunty, if you like make you divide yoursef into 3; this cloth no go size you. See as you don stretch the material go. Abeg free am, I no get ya size. Make I call my brother for shop B23 see if im get your size.

    In Nigeria, strangers are friends who will know you in a minute whether you like it or not. Someone whom you have never said a word to before is likely to grab at your love handles, or slap your muffin top as they lament about your weight gain.

    And even outside the shores of our dear country, the criticism goes un-abated.

    An elderly woman of about 70 from Warri travels to Atlanta, USA to visit her son whose wife has just given birth to twins. Iya ibeji or twin tower of doom? On the 2nd day of her stay, the man takes mama to a chinese buffet for dinner ( a rite of passage for most Nigerian people visiting Yankee).

    The man and his mama go for their “first round.” Mama does not recognise all the strange-looking dishes in front of her, and plays it safe by ordering rice, vegetables and the steamed tilapia.

    As mama sips her drink, she spies a 20-year-old, 280 pound oyibo girl in the booth next to theirs who has just returned from the food-tables with a plate loaded with fried rice, spring rolls, fried biscuits, chow mein, fried pork, spare ribs etc.

    Mama is amazed as she watches the girl make short work of the huge plate of wood in mere minutes. Mama eyes the girl sternly. The girl does not notice or pretends not to notice as she works a huge pork rib laden with honey glazed sauce.

    This process repeats itself, as the girl finishes her food, and goes for more and more.

    Mama decides to have some fruit as desert and strolls to the fruit section, which also has the ice-cream and cake. As she serves some diced paw paw on her plate, she notices the 280 pound girl pouring chocolate/vanilla ice-cream into a huge cup.

    Mama cannot keep quiet this time. Yelling in perfect Waffi pidgin, she chides “ E never do you?! E never-never do you?!!! You still de shop food again! Na only you?!!! E never do you?!!!”

    The oyibo girl dropped the contents of the cup on the floor, as she turned away bursting into the tears. Everyone in the restaurant turned around looking dazed. Some mothers covered their chubby children’s ears and eyes with their palms.

    The son came and led angry mama away.

    I think mama should be chosen to be a trainer on The Biggest Loser.

    Tyra despite her brief “annus horribilis” during she added ‘weight’ and received criticism has no idea. She should come to Naija, a place where overweight people are likely to be called more than that.

    Forget terms like BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) or “curvy”. Even “fatso” sounds tame. Try words like fatty bum bum, fuji ropo ropo, spare tyre, 50 litre jerry-can, fatilizer…

    The word “Orobo” does not count because when you hear that word used to describe a person, you imagine a curvy girl with cute weight or baby fat in just a few places. Think Jasmine Sullivan or Ini Edo. By the way, much props to Wande Coal for bringing Nigerian bootylicious sexy back.

    While we are on the subject, why do people generally use the term “morbidly obese” but never “perilously lekpashandous” or “fatally thini-beku”?

    There used to be some parts of Lagos where overweight people are taunted on

    the streets. Someone once told me that the story of her life could be summed up in this bit of poetry:

    People used to see me and say “Here comes the Michellin (tyre) / Later I became immune to their insults like penicillin /

    Thankfully, it is not all doom and gloom for heavy or curvy people in modern Naija. Sometimes there is reverse weight discrimination.

    In some joints or eateries, waiters may serve big people large portions of food subconsciously and get call them madam/uncle to boot. For example, if Apollonia from the Nollywood blockbuster “Blackberry Babes” (a.k.a Bobo Bigz Girls from Jenifa) and say, Agbani Darego went for lunch to Olaiya Food Services or Bank Olemoh to buy ‘designer’ rice, and they both bought N200 rice each, Apollonia would receive jara.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      June 20, 2011 at 9:47 pm

      Classic… love it… Worry woman is too funny…. awww bless her…

  44. Capuolongo

    June 16, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    I have smiled and shed alligator tears as I read some of the comments here. Most of them were from ladies with weight issues or scar tissues. Being a woman, a modern female at that, being judged by your looks day in day out has got to hurt. It creates a pressure on many ladies to be perfect which is unrealistic.

    Wat about men? Most girls want us to be tall, dark and handsome. My own issue of insecurity isnt that simple. Mine is that I am over-endowed. I know many men would see it as a dream, but it has wrecked most of my relationships. My fiancee doesnt want to marry me because I have caused her ‘blood, sweat and tears.’ The problem is that I dont know who to talk to, cos most pple laugh off the problem like it is a joke. Some have suggested that I move to Las Vegas to go into ‘entertainment.’ Many have advised me to move to Abuja as I will make millions in contract and ‘consultation’ fees as an escort or consort.

    I hope this comment isnt blocked so people out there can share and feel my pain. I am near a foot long of pure chocolate. And I hate that new D’banj and Snoop song..

    • Sarah

      June 20, 2011 at 1:06 am

      erm…..whats your email? *wink*

    • Gorgeous

      June 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm

      Yep, i pity you. There is such a thing as being too big. It is also a turn off when a man is too big. I know i have ended relationships because of that, but did not want to hurt their feelings by telling them. It is uncomfortable and painful, especially when the person is small. Everyone has their size, am sure there is a not so tight girl somewhere looking for you, and having similar issues you have.


      June 24, 2011 at 3:22 pm

      Okay! So I understand the difficulty and awkwardness of your issue, but there are ways to go around this – find a girl that is right for your “size.” Obviously, if you are hooking up with girls that verge on the small side, there would only be pain and tears!!! Now, the difficult part is how to find your kind of girl… I recognize that you can’t start off a date by stating “I hope you are not so tight because I am huge… (that would promptly lead to a slap)” but if you like the girl and she feels the same way, you can broach the topic after a few dates, after all you are both adults and trust me, every girl knows how much “size” she can handle. Hang in there, you would eventually find that girl…

  45. hawte

    June 17, 2011 at 2:24 am

    all dat one na story!, ive lived with small flat chested boobs for the better part of my life and i was never happy with the way i looked, i tried my best to accept it but i just wasnt happy, was tired of the padded bras et al, so i went and paid for my new magnificient knockers! yup got them enhanced and i have never been happier! i dont regret 1 minute of having fake boobs, i look great, my curves are more accentuated, i feel sexier, im loving every minute of it! Not everybody can come to terms with certain things, if u can change it and its safe and you can afford it, why not? as long as you are doing it for yourself and no one else!

  46. 9ja gal

    June 17, 2011 at 3:24 am

    Nicely written! I too have some issues. At a younger age, I had this problem with my dentition (they got screwed up badly) and now at 22, they are straight and all..but not white. All my years growing up..they’ve been my problem! And now recently my weight.. All these problems haven’t stopped guys from “chyking” me..they see as a wife material..and stuff! LOL! but thanks TJ for that lovely reminder..CONFIDENCE goes a long ass way!

  47. Sndra

    June 17, 2011 at 4:32 am

    Do not be fooled people. Body image dissatisfaction has very little to do with actual imperfections and more to do with feelings of self worth. I am a UK size 6/8- (36-24-36), slim but with the right curves in the right places, and I can say I only became happy with my body this year-2011. But after accepting this, I’ve moved on to my skin imperfections. When I eventually accept my skin for what it is, I’ll move to hair, and then teeth, and then brighter eyes, and then… know how the story goes. I think its worth noting that many of these women whose features you envy ARE NOT HAPPY themselves. Why would you want to look like someone who does not appreciate what they have? Reset your self esteem and root it in the right principles. We are all going to wither anyways. You never see a sexy 70 year old woman who “looks good for her age” or race for that matter. Why are we trying to stack chair decks on the sinking Titanic?

  48. NNENNE

    June 17, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Well said!!!

  49. word!

    June 17, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Lovely article….and I do understand what young for ever is trying to say……..

  50. ibiayo

    June 17, 2011 at 8:47 am

    @foreveryoung, true talk!!!!

  51. Lola X

    June 17, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Nice piece! Great stuff!

    Lola x, London

  52. Ogo

    June 17, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Beauty is simply skin deep. Know yourself, your self worth, Accept yourself and Live your life to the full.

    Never allow anyone especially your fellow human who’s got his or her issues to bring you down without your permission.

    Its simple true, ask me about that and I will tell you. Who wants you wants you, all you need is Love urself, carry urself confidently and thank God God for who He has made you.

    U r Beautiful!!!!

  53. halo

    June 18, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    i am a size 32b and i hate it soo much, most times i wish i was a size 36c…i am a uk size 8 tho…my bum is quite big for a size 8 and ii have a big calf(which i also hate). i have tried accepting my small boobs but its not working cos some of my friends laugh @ to my face!

  54. Ezi

    June 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Hmmm, interestingly, I did a mini piece on something similar to this. It’s interesting to read what people are going through and how they handle their experiences.

  55. Teena

    June 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    This is mind blowing! wouldnt mind more of this, keep it up

  56. Angie

    June 21, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    @ Supa Ugly….Was eating as I read your post and almost choked…OMG, this is the best post on this issue. Fun and Classy. If there was to be a best post on this write up, it would be yours. Sis, I be correct edo babe and I totally feel that wafi woman…I am a BEAUTIFUL size 16…very healthy too and I just love me…Do I sometimes wish I was smaller? Yes ke but honestly never less than a size 12. The truth is we were not all built to be between sizes 8 – 12. i don’t even think my personality would match a size 12. Kudos to the original writer of the lovely peace…essence of the message? It’s what’s in you that matters. Love yourself and others will love you just the way you are. Babes, I believe you’ll make a good blogger…try it out and keep us posted. Your post is incredibly interesting and funny…still laughing by the way…

  57. angel eyes

    June 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    hmmmm, very true…im a beautiful lady,size 14 with d curviest hips n round buttocks n i turn heads wherever i go, funniest thing is i ve never wanted to change anytin about my self, i ve always loved my body and it has helped me increase my self confidence.

  58. missy~spectacular

    June 24, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    why is everyone bashing Forever young? babe u hit it right there mehn! if they dont like it they can go ahead and pig out!

  59. M.J

    July 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    I have a flat bum and no hip but a moderate boobs. I’ve tried everything within my power to enlarge my hip and bum all to no avail, i even went as far as using bum enlargement pill and oil. I really don’t know what to do, I am trying to accept the fact that, maybe I can’t do anything to change my “bumless” and “hipless” situation. But I am still waiting anxiously for anything that can increase it because our Naija Guys are not helping the situation @ all, they always want a lady with a “perfect figure”.

  60. Torkwase

    July 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    I needed to read this… while as far back as primary school people have commented on how cute my butt was, i was ashamed of it, wore big clothes to hide it. Up until university where people went nuts about how well rounded and big it was, now that ive fully embraced it cos of the attention it gets, i have issues with my boobs. i have never been fat but ive got small boobs with a bit of stretchmarks! i tell you watching ” jumping the broom” made me feel good. all those stretchmarks on display… …. and the spots on my face drain my self esteem! i really love my complexion so i am worried about using something to clear the spots for fear of bleaching.

  61. Chyo

    July 20, 2011 at 10:35 am

    This is one article i so much cherish on this site, grooming people to carry themselves the way they are irrespective of whatever whilst living a healthy lifestyle.

  62. queenofnaija

    July 25, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    lovely. i was bullied in sch always cos of my eyes.they use to call me opollo even my mum called me frogy cos of my big eyes its a different story.i ve got sexy eyes now. n gosh i flaunt it wella.

  63. Ogo

    August 7, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Really going thru all d comment, I wondered, do we do all we do for ourselves just for the opposite sex? I asked because most of d comments says am married, I still got married and all…….
    Truth in it that I know, have experienced and can confidently say is Self Acceptance! Self Love! It begins with that, without the two, one is going no where because no matter what we write or say, even majority of us here will still give someone looking different that eye of dont come near me with that thing on you oo, talk is cheap, guess commenting is cheaper, I think we can only measure where we are and our positions on certain things when we are taking unawares with some of this practically.
    Vitiligo is living with me, I do not care who is looking, staring, it doesnt matter what you, it doesnt matter what you think as I no longer give pple chance to suggest to me how I should look. I have accepted me, loving me silly and giving and presenting the accepted and the loved me……no human being created by God can bring me down, it can only happen when I allow it……..

    It starts with you doing it for you first cos ur fellow human can fail anytime, he/she can come down with something similar and then you see that they cant handle even them and u ask how come he/she has managed mine….has she/he really? Only a tine few I tell u……..

    Self Love and Self Acceptance is Key!!!

  64. temmy

    August 8, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    nice article and beautifully written too. its takes the beauty inside and how you percieve yourself to make you look beautiful outside, the God who made you knows what’s best.

  65. Afmag

    September 26, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Nice article, this has made my day!

  66. Afolabi Olabisi

    September 30, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    OMG, im very happy and lot of 10ks 2TJ 4 a gr8 article like this one. it has really made me come2terms with my new look and im happy about it, though im not married but i now see my life in a new light.
    i used2be a size8 but now, a 12 and got lots of negative comment 4rm friends expecially but with this article, i now know i can be whatever i want2be, irrepective of my size
    10ks a bunch.

  67. joy

    December 12, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    correct true talk

  68. Omorewa

    December 19, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    Honey, you need new friends!

    Sometimes the biggest hurdle to overcome in self acceptance is the people you surround yourself with. Spend less time aroung those who know your Achille’s heel and exploit it because making you feel less attractive makes them feel more attractive. Spend time with more positive people who see how beautiful you are. Finally, make sure that you don’t become dependent on other people’s validation. Don’t higlhight your sensitive spot by constantly asking people “do my legs look huge in this?” If you become dependent on others to make you feel good, you risk having them trample all over your self-esteem.

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