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How to Satisfy a Woman

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Get your minds out of the gutter! Lol. This is like the question of the century though. Men don’t seem to understand women and even women don’t seem to understand women. What is a man to do to understand how to satisfy a woman on the long haul. What I’m about to tell you is probably going to add a spark to your relationship… You can thank me later.

It hit me when I was in Mexico last year while I was on some personal business… Merida, Mexico to be exact.  Beautiful little town, great people and fantastic original local cuisine. In Merida, the best place for local cuisine is said to be the Chaya Maya restaurant and so off I went.

I enter and I’m greeted with the sound of chicken sizzling on the fajita grill and tacos being made. Maduro (Spanish for sweet plantain /dodo) was in abundance and I’m ready to chow down. As I sat alone at my table, I couldn’t help but notice a couple in the room. The woman looked so in love. She loved his embrace and she barely allowed any space between them. It looked like I was in a Spanish soap opera. They were kissing like it was going out of style and spitting out sweet nothings in Spanish as the sizzling chicken, steak and onions added the soundtrack from the nearby open kitchen. I’m sure they have sex like wild animals but ask any woman who has had her fare share of it and she’ll probably tell you it’s not the answer to satisfaction in a relationship.

The environment was prime for the question to pop into my mind: How will he sustain her love over time? How will he truly satisfy this woman?

My fajitas came on the skillet. Black beans on the side right next to the rice. The smell was so good I instantly produced almost as much saliva as I did when I went to my favorite buka in Abuja. The question remained. How will this man sustain the love of this woman? Then two things hit me. First:

No man can satisfy a woman simply by what HE DOES FOR HER. He fulfils her by allowing, motivating, and supporting her to be everything that SHE has the potential and capacity to be. In other words, he fulfils her when SHE DOES FOR HERSELF.

That may mean he sometimes has to support and push her…to the point where she begins to wonder why he believes in her even more than she believes in herself….to the point where he pushes her out of her comfort zones and “limits”. See, that’s ok because when she begins to succeed, when she begins to positively impact and affect the lives of others and pursue her passions, she then truly begins to grow from having satisfaction in her “relationship”, to the realm of getting satisfaction out of “LIFE”. At that point, her man stops being the sole source of her satisfaction. Some of the pressure is off him to define her sense of self. The pressure is off him when he has a bad day and he isn’t the knight in shining armor for  a day or two -hopefully not for much longer :o). When that happens, she has enough butterflies out of LIFE to patiently “carry” the relationship for a little while when he is not physically or emotionally available, or when she is looking for sources of affirmation…until he gets his groove back.

The problem we men have…especially African men, is that we are afraid to build up and invest in our ladies. Society has trained us that part of what defines us as men… is our ability to do better than our wives so we can “provide” for them.  The problem is that society is failing to teach us that the definition of “provision “has changed. Let’s use Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as a basis. He tell us that our needs as humans start at the bottom with our physiological needs of  food, water, shelter etc, moving up to belongingness and the need for intimate relationships; to self esteem and the need to feel accomplished ; and finally to self actualization and the desire to achieve ones full potential.

So as it relates to our women, it’s no longer a matter of being able to satisfy her physiological basic needs of food shelter, clothing and so on. Oh no. Many women today can provide that for themselves better than we men could. The focus is now her self-actualization needs. Needs that revolve around fulfillment of her potential, passions, sense of legacy, and etc. That’s not to say that the physiological and safety needs are no longer important…it’s that they are really a means to the destination of her sense of fulfillment as a person.

Secondly:

It’s not the big things that we do “once in a while” that keep a relationship going. It’s the little things that we do “ALL the time” that do.

Valentine’s day. The Anniversaries. Birthdays. Graduation. Achievement Celebration.  The list goes on and on for the events we scramble to make memorable to prove our love. We spend our last dime on big gifts, teddy bears, jewelry, perfumes, dresses, fancy dinners and all that stuff. Nothing wrong with that, but that stuff doesn’t sustain woman’s love. It’s not the big things that we do sometimes…once in a while that matter, but it’s those little (seemingly little) things we do a lot of, that sustain relationships. That weekly foot rub, the notes by the bed, the random call in the middle of the day to check up on her, reading her mind before she says a word, knowing ALL her sizes and randomly buying that dress, shoe or lingerie, showing up unannounced at work with a handmade gift, that side of her face you like to kiss whenever you say goodbye, finding a song she would like and sending it to her as a dedication… It’s the little things that you do a lot of that keeps her heart in your hands for a long time.

So there you have it. Do these things and she won’t be able to get you out of her mind. She will be like the “homing pigeon” that finds its way home from long distances back to its own nest and its own mate. Do these things and she will always return home to you no matter how far or how high she flies. You can thank me later.  Enough of me…what do YOU think?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
This article was written by Tobi Atte, the writer behind www.ijustmetme.com – For more on relationships, motivation, personal improvement and more, visit the website but be careful. You might get addicted.

Tobi Atte is the author of (The FREE ebook) HOW TO ENSURE YOUR VALUES ARE ALIGNED-A GUIDE TO AVOIDING RELATIONSHIP FRUSTRATION (click to get a free copy) and  the writer behind www.ijustmetme.com  – For more on relationships, motivation, personal improvement and more, visit the website. Be careful though… You might get addicted. Also Like the IJUSTMETME facebook page, Subscribe on YouTube and Follow on Twitter He is also the President of The OTaB Group (a consulting firm) and Barnabian’s Cove Inc (A nonprofit organization) Read.Love.Share

125 Comments

  1. Tobs

    February 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Good stuff.

  2. Amina

    February 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Every Woman Has something she wants to do. Inspire her and she is pleased. Nice write- up

    • Gbenro

      February 22, 2012 at 8:33 am

      ronke every woman need her husband to pamper her

  3. PHILLIPST

    February 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    GUESS DIS WAS MEANT FOR ME

  4. sassycassie

    February 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    hear hear! if this aint the truth!

  5. Traditionalbay

    February 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    100% correct!

  6. prettiandra

    February 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    you are really on point. nice write up….*thumbs up*

  7. mamama

    February 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Tobi R u single abeg … lol .. this is watmost Nigerian men dont seem to get , .. money does not necessarily buy Love … atleast not my LOVE
    Good Stuff !

  8. Asakeismyname

    February 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Brilliant write up *thumbs Up* I totally agree 🙂

  9. tola

    February 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    tomi …………..it is people like you that put the African man in trouble.Right now several innocent men would have no idea that their wives have read this article.All of a sudden, their women will start behaving strangely …..and the poor men will be confused ..In the Good old days , all african men had to do was to pound their women vigorously in the bedroom and then give them money for pounded yam.But nowadays , she will tell you that she has a toy that outperforms you (and it is true,those toys can make a horse shy…..if you catch my drift ) and more money than you !!! Che!……God have mercy on us , poor innocent handsome , endowed, traditional african men.

    • Sick&TiredofDoubleStandards!

      February 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

      Lool @ Endowed!!!! Well the African man wouldnt be in trouble if they heed to the above advice, as rightly highlighted by Tobi… #Simples

    • mzme

      February 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm

      tolu you are missing the point of the entire article. As the article said, the definition of provision has changed to get with the program dude and stop hiding behind the shield of “being an african man”. I think its a cheap excuse for a lack of effort on the mans part

    • Tobi Atte

      February 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      LMBO! Abi o! God will help us African men but trust me. These women are waiting to be unleashed. Our fore fathers did the basics and they enjoyed the basics…if we do more, get get more ;o) thanks for reading

    • Purpleicious Babe

      February 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm

      YES U WILL ENJOY MORE NO DOUBT MEHN…. AS IN EFFORT BEGETS EFFORTS Now…

      Imagine a man that spoils his wife rotten chia his rewards cannot be imagined ohh…..

    • x0x0

      February 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

      “those toys can make a horse shy” LOL awesome!

    • PD

      February 8, 2012 at 4:06 pm

      loloooooooooooooooollllll!!!! exactly wat was going thru my mind! looking at my bf with *evil eyes*

  10. amy

    February 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    oooooooooo… i’ve got a great man…. NOW I KNOW….

  11. gugu

    February 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    well said. If only they all realised that.

  12. Sick&TiredofDoubleStandards!

    February 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    TOBI o!!! You are a legend for this. Like I was just having an argument with ma mans yesterday (with reference to this in particular), he is in Nigeria, and I am in the UK – Long distance is a bitch! I like the use of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs; it sure does help put things into perspective! Kudos Dude!!!

    Ladies, can I also add out two cents, that it is still imperative that we support our partners to be the best they can be, as ultimately the relationship reaches its full potential! 50-50 is as good as it gets, remember that peoples!!! May God help us.

    • Tobi Atte

      February 7, 2012 at 2:57 pm

      So true! High five! thanks for reading and sharing. Dont forget to stop by ijustmetme.com

  13. Opetu Adebayo

    February 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Is an intrxting msg dat build relationship to d apex level.pls endevour to read ds msg it cn help u to sustain ur broken mariage /relationship.

  14. moi!

    February 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Tobi! You are God sent! Right on point,i would say.It couldn’t have been put in a better way. Money is not everything guys!!

  15. sco-sco

    February 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    OMG! This article is amazing!!!!

  16. sco-sco

    February 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Tobi o!!! You are telling the truth….! You don’t even want to know. Ooooohh… I do have a great man! Ehen Tobi… you need to write an article on how to satisfy your man. The ladies need to know that too

    • Tobi Atte

      February 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      hhhhmmmmm …stay tuned…. ;o)

  17. Banji

    February 7, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Its a good article. Great attempt to demystify women.I wish I had the liberty to write on them maybe the article needs, I think, it has to be balanced as it looks at the problem from just the male perspective and also doesnt look too intimately into real relationship issue. Hopefully if a woman really opens up and gives a review, you may get a free balance to these.

  18. BukiOni

    February 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    When I read the post title, I must admit I was a bit sceptical but you know what, what your saying makes a lot of sense. When building a lasting relationship, it really is the thought that counts. Those little things that show you care and are attentive and want her to achieve full potential are actually more valuable than grand gestures, expensive gifts and dinners. Although being treated to a slap up meal and some pricey jewellery once in a while really doesn’t do any harm as long as it’s not being used as a substitue for affection.
    http://www.emblemofbeauty.blogspot.com/

  19. bj

    February 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Hey writer, do you know anyone who made it to the top of Maslow’s hierarchy(self-actualization). My professor told me may be only 2 men in the world ever made it to their FULL POTENTIAL. Define full potential. Masslow and relationships, i don’t know about that. I know you can’t teach self-esteem. Also, I am a naija man and I don’t have any problem. Stop generalizing and assuming every naija man is like you.

    • tatafo!

      February 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

      lwkmd! Men are not smiling, this must have hit a sore spot for the guys.

    • Tobi Atte ...from www.ijustmetme.com

      February 7, 2012 at 4:03 pm

      Hey BJ, thanks for reading. I can see where you are coming from and your difference in opinion doesn’t make your point less valid. Just a couple of things though. You know, everyone is wired differently…with different levels of talent, potential and abilities. No one can measure for another, whether they have made it to the top to the point of self actualization. Why? Because self actualization cannot be measured in comparison to other people. if a person has the potential for 100% and he gets 70%, it doesn’t matter that he came first in the midst of people who had the potential for the same 100%. By the same token, the man that had the full potential of only 50% and got 48% is closer to self actualization than the man who had 70% when he could have had 100%. That said, your professor, may not really be in a position to measure whether or not another man has reached self actualization. Also, if your professor is boldly telling students in this day and age that only two people in the world have ever made it to their full potential, I give anyone permission to walk up to him and ask him to stop saying that or quit teaching with immediate effect. Lastly, it sounds like you don’t have any problems as a naija man. Really happy for you! Keep doing what you’re doing! Thanks again for reading. God bless!

    • Sick&TiredofDoubleStandards!

      February 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm

      TObi whats your twitter handle???? – loads more people especially guys have to learn from this and your wise words of wisdom – am just too impressed with your style of writing altogether! A Man that knows his stuff and more *winkies*

    • bj

      February 7, 2012 at 6:43 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to reply! My professor was just mocking self-actualization by saying only two men ever made it to full potential. Yes, I don’t have any problem as a naija man. I am not perfect but I try to do the best I could at all times in my dealings with naija queens and princesses. Thanks buddy and I owe you a follow on twitter.

  20. babylawyer

    February 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    sadly, and despite my best efforts, my mind got stuck on the images of the food in the article…

  21. olarjos

    February 7, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    tobi, you must be a marriage councellor, we men should learn how to invest on our women. these are things Our women want and they will never ask

  22. akeem abati

    February 7, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    tobi whtzup? Dnt tell me i cnt get myslf a beautiful lady witout rich nd wealthy status.u cnt predicted nwadays relatnshp.u ve tried u best in d article.

  23. John

    February 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Mr Tobi kudos 2 u 4 ds inspiring article. Pls write an article on how women can satisfy their man too.

  24. Sunny b

    February 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Are u sure is goin to work this cud be anoda water/diamond paradox.

  25. nenye

    February 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Nice writeup…..very true,men Я̩̥̊ not smilling

  26. Uziebabe

    February 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    i guess this message was just for my relationship and i spoke volumes of what i want out of my relationship. i immediately forwarded it to my bf.

    thanks for this insightful article.

  27. cathy

    February 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    very insightful. awesome write-up

  28. cathy

    February 7, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    good one

  29. tosin

    February 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Like seriously!this is what I say to people around me. Women of nowadays are totally different frm d women of those days.therefore, the needs are different. Thank u Tobi!

  30. Tiki

    February 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I must confess that I saw that title and my mind dived headfirst into the gutter lol. However it scrambled back out in a hurry once I hit paragraph 6. People in relationships, men and women alike, need to feel that a partner brings more added value to their life than responsibility. I for one want a man who supports me when I’m weak, and trusts me enough to allow me support him when he needs it. Thanks for this Tobi!

  31. Tyn

    February 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Well written. I had actually concluded that men like you didn’t exist in Nigeria.
    Thumbs up!

    • Donald

      March 24, 2012 at 7:08 pm

      Actually I know a few Men that act like this.what happened to them?well,girls seem to have a liking to taking them for granted and working over to that bad boi who can afford to buy her all she wants…..ya I know some Men..

  32. pynk

    February 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    SOme naija girls are still looking for the material things.
    That said, most of the guests here are women, the folks that really need this message i dont think they are getting it. You my dear have spoken nothing but the truth. WOmen need to be nurture and i dont believe a lot of men understand that concept.

  33. Abs

    February 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    wow! im so sharing this with my husby. hehhehe. too good!

    http://www.missdeeclothing.com

  34. BoomFlick

    February 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Nice one Tobi. Educate these Negroes!

  35. Abs

    February 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    wow! im so sharing this with my husby! too good!

    http://www.missdeeclothing.com

  36. Pendo

    February 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    well said!

  37. Tim

    February 7, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    There is one thing we all need to know about African men, there is the issue of complex and selfishness within us , they want to be the one deciding all the time, they want to be the man of the house that is why many want to press down their wives or girlfriend from going after their dreams and passion. Loving woman is so simple and hard, is not about buying the whole world, fancy restaurant or diamonds but always let her know how much you love and cherish, kiss her, hug her all the time make her feel save an
    loved. But the case of few Nijja girls is all about buying gift and giving out money, there is nothing wrong with romantic dinner and gifts to express how much she mean to you, I mean be creative by making some special gift on your own. our men are so insecure that is why they are control free. I f you treat your wife or girlfriend right, show her how much she mean to you , how much you appreciate her. make love to her mind body and soul.

  38. azumah kalu

    February 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    thats ur personal veiw. any attempt to generalise this will be counter-productive. by the way, where did u conduct this research?

  39. Tim

    February 7, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    There is one thing we all need to know about African men, there is the issue of complex and selfishness within us , they want to be the one deciding all the time, they want to be the man of the house that is why many want to press down their wives or girlfriend from going after their dreams and passion. Loving woman is so simple and hard, is not about buying the whole world, fancy restaurant or diamonds but always let her know how much you love and cherish, kiss her, hug her all the time make her feel save an
    loved. But the case of few Nijja girls is all about buying gift and giving out money, there is nothing wrong with romantic dinner and gifts to express how much she mean to you, I mean be creative by making some special gift on your own. our men are so insecure that is why they are control freek. I f you treat your wife or girlfriend right, show her how much she mean to you , how much you appreciate her. make love to her mind body and soul. How about some sweet romantic songs while making love to her. I like Joe, Kelly, Luther, Teddy name it, Take it nice and slow from her head to toe and toe to her head common go down on her , she is your wife, peaches and cream or strawberry with red wine keep her wide open. That is what talking about love making no rushing and after making just hold her tight just lay down. Many African men will jump out bed after orgasm that is common she is your wife.

    • PD

      February 8, 2012 at 5:39 pm

      me go laugh oh if u sing to me while making love…..rkelly ke!!!

  40. Tim

    February 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    There is one thing we all need to know about African men, there is the issue of complex and selfishness within us , they want to be the one deciding all the time, they want to be the man of the house that is why many want to press down their wives or girlfriend from going after their dreams and passion. Loving woman is so simple and hard, is not about buying the whole world, fancy restaurant or diamonds but always let her know how much you love and cherish, kiss her, hug her all the time make her feel save an
    loved. But the case of few Nijja girls is all about buying gift and giving out money, there is nothing wrong with romantic dinner and gifts to express how much she mean to you, I mean be creative by making some special gift on your own. our men are so insecure that is why they are control freek. I f you treat your wife or girlfriend right, show her how much she mean to you , how much you appreciate her. make love to her mind body and soul. How about some sweet romantic songs while making love to her. I like Joe, Kelly, Luther, Teddy name it, Take it nice and slow from her head to toe and toe to her head common go down on her , she is your wife, peaches and cream or strawberry with red wine keep her wide open. That is what I called love making no rushing and after making just hold her tight just lay down. Many African men will jump out bed after orgasm common she is your wife.

  41. Gyamfua

    February 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    wonderful, thanks man………… u r really good. it is true relationship is a share giving once u do that for ur woman she must do likewise……no woman would want to lose his man when she is into him. no need to be selfish girls, i must say some African men are too selfish but i hope this msg will cut them loss hahahaha……………..

  42. King Solomon

    February 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Marriage is like ‘SPEAKING IN TONGUE’ if any body defines what is meant for heavens alone then be ready for adjustment in the way you live. Marriage is made in heaven and do not need earthly sermon. As much as our SPEAKING IN TONGUES means different things that we cant even explain’ simply love your spouse and allow heaven to direct the home’ He will not come to you for marriage if he didnt love you’ why ask for what you already have. He love you

  43. Tim

    February 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    There is nothing wrong about allowing your wife going after her dreams, be her support, watch her back and encourage her to step out of her comfort zone, let her chase her dreams and let her know everything is possible if she put her mind to it and but all always make her understand how much you need to respect each other.

  44. Stephen Olieh

    February 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Your article is an eye opener. Keep on the good work.

  45. victor

    February 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Good stuff Tobi! This will actually help men( not just African) to wake up… I learnt this concept a while ago from Fele Durotoye, and I must confess it’s been working like magic…Guys you need to try it to know. One thing I want the ladies to also know is that your man can only support and motivate you towards what is already in existence … a goal, a vision, a calling, a purpose etc. He can’t get you one. So make it easier on him by at least knowing what that is, and desire to also add some value to him as well.

  46. roti

    February 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Niceeeeeee

  47. Purpleicious Babe

    February 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    chai… I was smiling/grinning my teeth whilst reading.. infact pple around me thot i had gone mad or about too..

    Me I love the article and for you to know this your mindset must be truly AMAZing…

    Doing little does count and I pray it exercised amongst men.. BE CREATIVE, BE SPONTANEOUS/UNPREDICTABLE.. well at least that few of the many qualities I want my Hubby to have and maintain, sustain and implement always…

    Lovely write up…

    I didn’t bother reading any other comment…. was too excited to mention mine first..(winks).

    http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.com/

  48. roti

    February 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Tobi adding to that is for the man to “ease her up on any insecurity she might have, make her feel like that woman she wants to be” – that helps a lot

  49. Purpleicious Babe

    February 7, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Having said that, I think it should be a two -way thing..MEN GIVE AND WOMAN GIVES…

    But I do generally think women give more anyway(but things are changing ohh, women are manning up lol) so men LISTEN and give the little things you never gave or cared to give or just not giving at all…

  50. Sylvia Thomas

    February 7, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    wow!i so agree that African men just dnt get it….beinb an african man doesnt justify being selfish and performing woefully in ur relationship…no wonder white dudes r snatching d hearys of many Nigerian ladies abroad..i recently read an article where a woman wrote in dismay dat ‘evrytime i just need a little love,cuddling and romance,al i get is anoda baby nxt nine months’. And evrytime u tell a guy u r nt feeling d relationship wit him,he thinks uv found a ‘richer’ guy or he simply goes ahead and buys u a stupid but expensive dress.
    It takes a lot more dan material things to satisfy a woman-atleast for real women-
    If u r sweet and sensitive,evn if u r not so rich,she wnt want to loose u.

  51. Sylvia Thomas

    February 7, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    wow!i so agree that African men just dnt get it….being an african man doesnt justify being selfish and performing woefully in ur relationship…no wonder white dudes r snatching d hearts of many Nigerian ladies abroad..i recently read an article where a woman wrote in dismay dat ‘evrytime i just need a little love,cuddling and romance,al i get is anoda baby nxt nine months’. And evrytime u tell a guy u r nt feeling d relationship wit him,he thinks uv found a ‘richer’ guy or he simply goes ahead and buys u a stupid but expensive dress.
    It takes a lot more dan material things to satisfy a woman-atleast for real women-
    If u r sweet and sensitive,evn if u r not so rich,she wnt want to loose u.

  52. Purpleicious Babe

    February 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    one more thing: they are actually some Naij men that grasp this and implement it without any hesitation. its like in them naturally…. so MEN THAT are lacking on this quick quick adopt this strategy ohh…

    enuff said now…

  53. bj

    February 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Thanks for taking the time to reply! My professor was just mocking self-actualization by saying only two men ever made it to full potential. Yes, I don’t have any problems as a naija man. I am not perfect but I try to do the best I could at all times in my dealings with naija queens and princesses. Thanks buddy and I owe you a follow on twitter.

  54. missy

    February 7, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    I think the key is identifying where she is in marslow’s hierarchy of needs. You cannot satisfy her self actualization needs without first satisfying her psychological , safety , belongingness & safety needs. Nice write up by the way!.

  55. Truth be told

    February 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    This is the TRUTH. Unfortunately it’s hitting a sore spot with some men. I wonder why cos what was written here is actually easier than trying to buy those expensive valentine day gifts, etc.

    Some women who are very materialistic will not like these type of men sha. All in all, i love the article. This is just the way my hubby treats me. Sometimes i wonder why he believes so much in me even more than I believe in myself.But truth is, it keeps me going

  56. Babe

    February 7, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Bella please create a button for like :)! Tobi…well said!

    • Tobi Atte - www.ijustmetme.com

      February 7, 2012 at 7:52 pm

      That warm fuzzy feeling you’re experiencing right now…that me giving you a hug!!! muchas gracias

  57. Simonet

    February 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    This article is simply AWESOME!

  58. Awogbayila Benjamin

    February 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Good work and highly commendable. But really their is nothing wrong in helping ones wife to attain the apex point of her carrier and I know many men from this part of the world do anything to achieve that. But we have the problem of hearing case wives who betrayed their husband trust, or what did you want to say about a woman who brought a husband home from NYSC camp after bagging her dream degree and dumping the husband who supported her dream even financially and otherwise eventhough they are married with kids. Or a wife who suddenly turn the husband in the house after helping her get to the apex of her carrier and allowed it to get into her head and forget her submisive attributes as a wife. Cases over the years have added to the knowledge of men to carefully empower our women because they can turn back at you like poli
    ticians and make you regret your good intention as the husband.

  59. T.S.

    February 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    At first, I was like old story (although the fajita sizzling kept me reading it). However, towards the middle and end, the article caught my attention with the details you listed. I hope African men can take a cue from this (but like someone commented, women don’t mind the nice gifts from time to time).
    http://www.titisule.wordpress.com

  60. Blessing

    February 7, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    True talk.U’ve said it all,it’s left 4 d good men 2 give it a try if dia’s any.u r good.

  61. Thoughtfl dude

    February 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    Many fools ar busy condeming african men here…white men do these n yet dey sufa more divorce n relnship heartbrks! D actual force dat ultimately sustains any relnship is CHARACTER!

  62. eguavoencharles

    February 7, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Poor or no rich guys always have a romantic worlds to ur girl, sent lovely message before saying gud nite to each other on phone, always check her from time to time, praise her appearance gud or bad, make thinngs easily for her all the time and study and understand the girl and do what she like always because money is not every thing.

  63. Chris Oke

    February 7, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Nice write up for women. Please, do one for men, so that ladies don’t go out there jubilating they’ve won! Lol.

  64. cute Don

    February 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Well said.Now I can Keep a relationship for longer.Thnks Tobi

  65. Chika

    February 7, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Seriously, if any of you is waiting for your man to build you up before you could actually follow your dream or accomplish your goal(s), then you are not SERIOUS/READY. Like this is some kind of ground breaking news. You guys better wakeup and stop waiting for an affirmation from a man before you could do anything. I am really shocked by all the OMGs here. Just my opinion!

    • A.k

      February 8, 2012 at 3:47 pm

      I didn’t think of it that way. It’s not about waiting for “your man to build you up before you could actually follow your dream…” It’s more about having a man who believes in you and supports you. I mean, a little encouragement never hurts. You could have a dream to say go to med school or something. You’ve worked hard, have good grades and all that, but maybe still feel inadequate. Probably feel like you have a lot of competition. Feeling this way doesn’t necessarily mean, you’re not gonna pursue the dream. Having someone to say a few words of encouragement or pump you up a little might make the whole process less stressful. I remember wanting to pursue Nursing four years ago and my bf at the time was totally against it. He didn’t even have any good reason for me to switch majors. He just wanted me to pursue something more “lucrative” like medicine or pharmacy. That he would never marry a nurse. Meanwhile, he was quite young also and was not pursuing the so called lucrative careers. Obviously, i already had my dreams and wasn’t waiting for him to build me up in anyway or help me accomplish it. All i genuinely wanted was just a little, “you got this babe” or something. Anyways, i got into nursing school that year and we broke up a few months after.

      Sorry, i ended up telling my own story. Have a blessed day 🙂

  66. nextmobs

    February 8, 2012 at 12:17 am

    lol, nice write up, but its obviouse sum men are yet to knw this.

  67. Prince Alade

    February 8, 2012 at 1:02 am

    I have exhausted all my comments for this great writer…I’m beginning to think he is a perfect man lol … Great write up bro…God will help us to be diligent in these things, our women deserve so much more …. I will surprise my wifey 2nite

  68. elflaco

    February 8, 2012 at 4:09 am

    Tobi nice write up … but in this era whr Money and technology is king … and the odds of finding a naija babe that doesn’t want brazilian hair or bb even though she can’t afford it, is rare …. Abeg I’m sure I can count the number of women that if you treat them as u have described they turn out to be golden … It’s good to b realistic

  69. Esekes

    February 8, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Nice article. The problem here is that, 95% of girls in this generation don’t know that because that are too materialistic and many of them don’t have productive dream(s).

  70. Gidi

    February 8, 2012 at 8:22 am

    How do you satisfy a man?

  71. How old are you Tobi?

    February 8, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Tobi, seems to me you are young in this game or trying to gain popularity or find favor with the babes. Are you married? You will soon understand

    Theory is different from practical shey you know. Don’t be deceived by all these one they are saying good write up o. Most babes don’t even know what they want.

    Most Africans are still African in mind including you. Stop using African men in quote. What you talking about- you think most African men aint romantic or doesnt know what to do for their babes? na poverty and the environment jo

    Give him money, then you will know hes sweet. Is it someone who has not gotten a job, managing with his Aunt or parents, and trying to make ends meet that will be the one to satisfy a babe?

    Most people work till 4-5pm at work, stay in the bus stop til 6, in the hold up till 9pm and before he gets home he is tired. Is it that time you will remember you want to go that place you saw those couples? Our environment does not give room for that my dear young boy.

    You think most guys dont wanna marry, they dont even have enough to take care of themselves not to talk of a wife and kids. If you are really intelligent and conversant with the nigerian system before putting up this crap, do you know how much they pay civil servants? level 8, level 9 (marriage age)

    Check out those who have got enough money here in Nigeria, you think they dont go out with their babes and give them enough trips and fun? Go to facebook and see pictures of people then you will know people are having more trips even here in Nigeria so STOP ALL THESE AFRICAN STUFF!

    Not in this age, if you don’t even have a good standing, good car, good job, big wallet, they wont even look at your side. No money no Honey. For *most*, the presence of money and your ability to satisfy their need is the foundation to love/relationship. You better be realistic. Ever heard the line ” i cant suffer for anybody o? ”

    Definitely good to be nice and caring but do a research on the *good guys*, good guys don’t get good babes(take it or leave it). To them, you are a weakling and not manly enough. I will tell you a secret today, most babes want security. That is why you see the short ones going for tall guys-cos they want security. There is a mentality in them that i cant afford to have short children so they want security

    They will never marry an unemployed man, even if the love reach heaven cos they want security. If they wanna do sef, their parents no go approve it.

    • A.k

      February 8, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      more like, how old are YOU? didn’t he just explain that it really isn’t about money?!? I’m a woman so i know he’s right. It’s really the little things that a man does OFTEN that at least i care about. I don’t even want to refute your arguments abeg. Here i was thinking you were about to make some valid points, but NOTHING. Stop making excuses! A lot of women go through all that you mentioned and still find the time to care for people they love. “Our environment does not give room for that” Are you kidding me? May i never meet your kind! Amen!!! 🙂

      Oh yea, and i really think this post was for people like you. You seem to be stuck in your ways. Keep an open mind, you might actually learn something 🙂

    • @ a.k

      February 8, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      AK,
      i speak for the common man. If you ever see me in the physical, you will beg to date me/marry me.

      I am talking about people who cannot even afford to own a system not to talk of having internet at home to read this.

      Hope you no the trend in Nigeria and why some ladies are stranded no guy for them? Not that men are no longer existing but majority are engulfed in work trying to make ends meet while some ladies get money from men old enough to be their father or so called uncle they are sleeping with to get money.

      They get the money and then turn to say their men are not this are not that. The society this days favour more ladies. Big men recommend them for jobs (whether they slept with them or not-that doesnt concern me) while the male counterpart struggles to get something.

      You get the job and then say your male colleagues are poor and cant do this cant do that. More babes are having their personal cars, money, jobs, e.t.c but where are the guys with corresponding status?

      N ever said money is the major thing- i listed so many points there why hammering on money? that shows that you love money so much. Its your kind that will complain your guy is not doing this, not doing that and then come up here saying something different-DOUBLE STANDARD.

      If you want to know why someone aint doing something, step into his shoes and feel what he is feeling, then you can explain or see through his eyes

    • Purpleicious Babe

      February 13, 2012 at 6:33 pm

      Thank you AK…

      OPEN MIND… KEY everything does not have to involve money jor… be creative.

    • Gidi

      February 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm

      Take a bow, son!!

    • missindividual

      February 8, 2012 at 6:26 pm

      @howoldareyoutobi im sorry but you are missing the point! the point here, which should be obvious by now is that money is not the ultimate glue to a long lasting relationship. Yes there are men that are struggling and that is a valid point but you cannot use that as a clutch. As tobi mentioned in his article, a note or a phone call are simple acts of affection that let your partner know that you are in it for the long haul. If you are waiting to be financially stable before you do the little things then the truth of the matter is that even when you do acquire that wealth they wont happen. Its either you are romantic/caring or you are not; regardless of your wealth or social status.. and from your post i can see that you are not so my advice to you would be to re-read this article, digest it and then apply!

  72. kadango D. Ibrahim

    February 8, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Tobi, ur write-up has gon a long in reshapnin my tot on any relatnsp dt wil com my way. Tnks 4 revealin it 2 me. Bt i bliv is a 2 way tin; if u gad me! Kudos!

  73. missindividual

    February 8, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    @howoldareyoutobi im sorry but you are missing the point! the point here which should be obvious by now is that money is not the ultimate glue to a long lasting relationship. Yes there are men that are struggling that is a valid point but you cannot use that as a clutch. As tobi mentioned in his article, a note or a phone call simple acts of affection that let your partner know that you are in it for the long haul. If you are waiting to be financially stable before you do the little things then the truth of the matter is that even when you do acquire that wealth they wont happen. Its either you are romantic/caring or you are not; regardless of your wealth or social status.. and for your post i can see that you are not so my advice to you would be to re-read this article, digest it and then apply!

  74. Nneka

    February 8, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    pow! pow! Ain’t that the truth!

  75. kd

    February 8, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    *reads comments* be back soon, to read d article.

  76. @ AK

    February 8, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    AK,
    Like i said up there, i speak for the common man. If you want to know why someone aint doing something, step into his shoes and feel what he is feeling, then you can explain or see through his eyes

    Reading your previous comments, i realized you are not in Nigeria cos some of the terms you used are not used in Nigeria. Have been out on so many occasions, stayed for years sef, so i know the difference when you are there and when you are here.

    I repeat, the environment there encourages that while it doesn’t here. The guy that wrote this, was it not from Spain he wrote it? Also, guys and gurls work from a very tender age there, have their money and all that so they dont have to depend on anyone for support but aint so here .

    You people should stop blackmailing AFRICANS- (male or females) Are Africans staying out there not romantic, sweet and all that? Nigerians out there change imm they get there cos the environment is friendly.

    Maybe you should for once appreciate these men for trying their best. You know what it means to be a man? Accomodation, rent, school fees, food, shelter, wife’s upkeep, car upkeep, water bill, light bill, all the eateries and outing you want to go for, the aso ebi you wanna buy, the xmas/New year cloth… God wont be happy with you sef if you keep complaining. All of us on this blog have enough thats why we can afford to get our personal pcs and internet connection-do you know what majority are going through?

    Please leave that thing abeg

  77. ugbaby

    February 9, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    never too late to read a lovely write up as this. seriously and with no shame whatsoever, I wud love to meet u Tobi. hw can I get ur contacts pls?

  78. Tobi Atte - www.ijustmetme.com

    February 9, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Hello “ugbaby” best way is to visit my website at http://www.ijustmetme.com . Feel free to reach out if I can help in any way. God bless

  79. honeymix

    February 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    well dis write up is meant 4 my boo,i wish he cud just see dis things.he rarely sends me msgs,buy stuffs 4 me buh i understand dt he is broke and wat i hate most is dt he calls 2 say he misses me and am always annoyed dat is dat d only reason u miss me, u know wat i mean.i just want him 2 show a little more affection.anytime i complain he says i complain a lot and dat i nag,well it cud be true buh d only thing am happy abt is dt he calls like everytime.and we av bin 2geda 4 4yrs now and wud soon be tying d knot.all i just want is 4 him 2 treat me like a baby d way he did wen we newly met.buh i love him so much and i know dt he does cos he has done so many things beyond reasonable doubt.

  80. tete

    February 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Tobi…you ROCK! This is so true, but for men to women…what about for women to men? I would love to email you with some few aching questions if don’t mind?!

  81. Tobi Atte - www.ijustmetme.com

    February 10, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    @tete…Hi there! sure thing. shoot me an email from the contact form at http://www.ijustmetme.com …Hmm looks like a lot of people want to learn how to satisfy a man…its in the “factory” ;o) . Looking forward to hearing from you

  82. CEO

    February 11, 2012 at 12:38 am

    One word, Tobi….ON POINT! Like my pops would say “You stoop to conquer”…many African men don’t know this obviously. instead of supporting their wives, realizing their potential and challenging them to achieve their dreams….they want to lord over and stifle them, which would make any woman unhappy. Humility is the key word for many men and to be secure in themselves. well written!

  83. JEGEDE

    February 11, 2012 at 6:19 am

    TRUE TALK!!!!!SIMPLY ON POINT!!! EXCELLENT WRITE-UP

  84. nenye

    February 11, 2012 at 11:30 am

    nice piece,for those who have issues wit dis piece,plz go bck to school to learn to read and undastand before contributing..

  85. INNOCENT AFRICAN

    February 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    GOOD POINT OF VIEW FROM A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE…………WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE THE MALES PERSPECTIVE!!

  86. Ure

    February 13, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    WOW! This is well said. and yes thank you.

  87. lol

    February 14, 2012 at 2:45 am

    TOBI wow!! if i didn’t know beta i do think you are a lady..pretty nice coming from a guy and ur handle is it going on twitter can u check and paste in again. Thanks

  88. Dr

    February 14, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Well said, I don’t get freaked about all these special days because you would be expecting the gifts, extra love and etc. I love something spontaneous, it means a lot more, also making her smile/happy when she is really sad/down is really important, no matter the situation you are in you should cheer her up, and trust me a real girl would double whatever you give her.

  89. Micheal Lovely

    February 21, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Say thank you for write about incredibly very good informations. Your net is great.I am impressed by the details that you’ve on this blog

  90. oladiplenty olumyde

    February 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    it easier said than done, anyway sha, you try…abi naw!?

  91. sean

    February 22, 2012 at 3:02 am

    nice write up, but still one needs 2 show a woman he cares…….remember looking good is a good business…

  92. ela

    March 10, 2012 at 6:55 am

    I rily dont knw wot to say apart frm God bless you for this wonderful piece. We need to make them understand its the constant little tins that [email protected]&TiredofDoubleStandards my sentiments exactly. Just have to send this and make him understand. Thanks a milllion Tobi *dancing with joy*

  93. lorenz

    March 29, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Dont most guys realise it would be eeasier if thier spouse were also successcul? encourage herr on that busineeess proposal,learn how to be less pessimistic about her ideas,,make love in fhe craziest of places ,actually be a part of her life,and make her a part of urs.u think ur chic is messed up? then ur not trying hard enough.

  94. Ikman

    April 7, 2012 at 8:21 am

    ‘Make a tree good, and its fruits will be good.’ those are d words of Jesus. I don’t think we need lectures about things 2 do 2 satisfy our woman/man. Just have a good heart, and these things will come naturally. Even if u dont send text messages, notes, kisses, surpise visits with a gift, or calls, she wil still know dat u are a nice guy, and would have shown love if u knew how to. That’s d stage where women begin to tell their husbands what and what he could have done, or guide his hands 2 d part of her body where she gets d sensation. Dis brings d couple into partnerships. I dont do any of d listed things in d article, and i dont spend money on women either (coz i dont even have much money, and I dont have a wife yet). However, I can hardly think of any woman in my workplaces or schools (even secondary sch) dat doesnt try so hard 2 be close 2 me. Even married women will always come so close, and wil want to tel how they are often neglected by their husbands. I’ve had women send me texts in d midnight, only 2 appologise d next morning dat they were carried away when they sent it. I also later learnt dat d reason why most guys were so close 2 me was dat it helped them attract d attention of most pretty ladies. Yet i am not too handsome. I am not rich. I havent for once asked a lady out, not to mention going 2 d restaurant. I hardly call people who are not family or close friends. I dont know how 2 kiss or make romantic gestures. What is d secret then? At a very tender age, I gave myself completely 2 d Lord. Uptil dis moment, I earnestly pray dat Christ would make me a channel of blessings 2 dis dying world. I neva leave my ro6 each morning without going on my knees 2 ask Him 4 d grace 2 ‘live today’s life,’ and d results are amazing. Take a view of my face book page and see American and British women telling me of how they were dumped by their husbands simply bcos of old age or health condition. These people are not even in my friend list. I’ve neva met any of them. I’ve neva crossed more dan 4 states in Nigeria, yet ladies and gentlemen from all parts of d country are sending facebook friend requests. The American govt. And some civil society Health organisations asked me to put up a platform 2 heal many broken hearted thanks to bad relationships. They helped me publish 2 works on getting women ready 4 life’s challenges: Becoming a Woman and an Ordinary Nigerian Woman. We even opened another email 2 deal with d ever-increasing information overload ([email protected]). Yet i dont have a university degree yet. If u make Christ ur foundation, He surely wil make all things beautiful 4 u in His time. Joshua Ulasi.

  95. Richard Ibanichuka

    June 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Appreciated!

  96. greatDavid

    January 18, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    great stuff man. thanks to you

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