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BN Hot Topic: ‘Playette’ or A Gardening Tool



So yesterday at the office, Onos wanted to know what the female version of a player was called. I replied “Playette” and Jite in the same breath said “slut“. My gasp was so audible! “How could you?” I mean if a guy has his options open with five girls on the line I don’t see anyone giving him any disparaging labels, but the minute a girl is trying to decide where to pitch her tent she’s called a ho? Then someone said “Oh but if the guys know about each other then she’s not a ho”

I kept muttering “double standards” over and over. Wait what? You don’t believe there are double standards?  Okay let me quickly digress. Have you ever been in a traffic jam, you look ahead and you see someone do a crazy maneuver; you can bet someone is somewhere saying is “na woman” I’m very sure that bad driving is not within the exclusive purview of women oh!  Let’s bring this closer home. Take a look at the comment section on the DKB/Zainab ‘Slapsgiving’  post HERE and you’d see what I mean with a little more clarity. The standards keep changing. Some people believe she deserved it, some say oh irrespective of what a woman does you shouldn’t hit her. She’s a woman!

Dear readers, double standards abound but today’s topic is not about that.

My friend Farida B is one of the prettiest people I know on earth. Sometimes I just stand and stare at her so her effect on men is something I’ll leave to your imagination. Fah is 27. Her body is something akin to an hour glass and her hair is long and curly. Fah’s skin is milky! Yes She’s Nigerian and when it comes to men, Fah has like 10 men on her case at every time. The last time she came to Lagos we wanted to go and have their special Jollof rice at Lydia’s place in VI and we were looking for someone to take us. Me, I was not in the mood to drive and I know my friend, she always has someone or the other anxious to chauffer her around any time she’s in town. So I said “Oya call Preye na. He is kuku the one who introduced us to the place and he clearly has plenty cash” She had this confused look on her face like “huh”  then she said “Abeg Abeg… That one is not serious. Besides, I met one guy on the plane to Lagos, Fola something and he said he wants to see me this evening“.  Last time I checked, Farida had a boyfriend and his name is Hakeem. ‘Keem has proposed to Fah four times now. I know what you’re thinking “when woman never finish for Naija” She says she’s not ready just yet for marriage. Sometimes she says she’s not sure ‘Keem is her soulmate (They’ve been together for 5 years). She says she’s keeping her options open.

It got me thinking. We’ve heard tales of people who get dumped after 8 years of being dedicated to one man in a relationship and it makes you wonder…”maybe really keeping ones options open is wise”. But then again, if you think about it… Isn’t it cheating?

Me I don’t know oh!

What do you guys think?


You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. Temiloluwa

    June 7, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Nope its not cheating! Once nothing is physical is going on…But your friend, Faridah, does seem a bit extreme though. A school of thought says that keeping your options open means going on ‘mild’ dates. Nothing too deep till you meet the person for whom you are willing to ‘forsake all others’ and in such a case, it should be the popping of the question that determines that time… Read it here:

    • Asking Questions

      July 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm

      She has been dating someone for 5yrs and yet seeing other guys and that aint cheating? Nice One!

  2. Lady

    June 7, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Interesting piece..In our parents time it was called keeping your options open. In our time it’s called cheating???

    Weren’t some of us ladies advised by mothers and Aunties etc not to take ourselves out of the Market until the man actually proposed?

    Dating for 8 years?? No thank you. You need 8 years to decide if you would like me to mother your children? My dear keep it moving…
    I am not in support of having several boyfriends at once. I honestly couldn’t handle it. I can only take one at a time. There is nothing wrong with casually dating several guys and getting to know them better. No need for the bf or gf label. Whatever happened to casual dating? I’ve had several guys ask me out at the same time before, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. They were willing to take me out whenever I agreed and were all well aware that were just FRIENDS.

    Casual dating needs to be brought back into the game. And by casual dating I DO NOT mean leading the guy on to think he’ll be getting something sexual in return while you’re busy sucking him dry **rolleyes**

    Once we’re in a serious relationship and I find out that my man is weighing his options on who to propose to. Btw me and another babe. They I will kindly ask him to keep it moving

    • Sandi

      June 8, 2012 at 3:57 am

      Precisely whatever happened to casual dating? My mum told me to keep my options open, I was young and didn’t quite understand what she meant. I was like no o, I don’t believe in that. My dear I’m older and wiser now and proud to say I do believe in that. Until I have a ring on my finger, I am available o. No screw it, until we do introduction with the families, I am available. Not all ring engagements lead to marriage, been there, done that. So ladies, keep your options open. The one that is serious, will make himself known.

    • Sandi

      June 8, 2012 at 4:00 am

      Oh yeah no sleeping with any of the guys ladies.

  3. Temiloluwa

    June 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Nope its not cheating! Once nothing is physical is going on…But your friend, Faridah, does seem a bit extreme though. A school of thought says that keeping your options open means going on ‘mild’ dates. Nothing too deep till you meet the person for whom you are willing to ‘forsake all others’ and in such a case, it should be the popping of the question that determines that time… Read it here:

  4. Temiloluwa

    June 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Nope its not cheating! Once nothing is physical is going on…But your friend, Faridah, does seem a bit extreme though. A school of thought says that keeping your options open means going on ‘mild’ dates. Nothing too deep till you meet the person for whom you are willing to ‘forsake all others’ and in such a case, it should be the popping of the question that determines that time… Blogged on it recently…

    • YourUncle.Tee

      June 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

      Haha…So what do you call cheating? Until one becomes physical with the other before you deem it cheating? lol…As long as one is entertaining many while trying to pick one, that shows you dont know what you really want. Kpere!

    • missA

      June 8, 2012 at 8:57 am

      no it doesnt.
      You meet a guy, he seems interested in you, you meet another guy, do you say no pls dont talk to me someone else is already interested(No committment whatesoever from the first guy, just platonic chatting and the fact that you sense he fancies you).
      Ofcourse you wouldnt say that. You wouldnt forsake all others for someone you think might like you, please lets be realistic here.

  5. cathy

    June 7, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    keeping your options open it definitely keeping your options open. *laughs* i am in this jinx too *winks*

    • Oko awon Alhaja

      June 8, 2012 at 2:35 pm

      You can keep your options open as long as you keep your legs closed.

    • Ure

      June 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

      Lmao! well said.

    • Elegant

      June 29, 2012 at 3:29 am

      haha, like dat. True talk jare. All dem play boys wey no fit introduce you to their parents, not even to co-workers, only to one close friend that is too timid to point out what’s wrong. if a man is not ready to make you number one in his life second to God, with words and action, abeg keep that option wideeeeeee open. Don;t waste your time sitting around, playing “wife”

  6. Berry Choco Latte

    June 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Erm, your friend Fah is doing a little too much… If she’s not sure after 5 years, she should keep it moving and stop wasting his time. I’m sure there are enough single ladies who will happily say yes to him.

    I think keeping your options open is fine ONLY IF you’re not in a committed relationship, and you are not leading any of the people into believing that they are the only one you’re seeing (or that it’s not at “that level” yet). The minute you decide you want to be exclusive with one person, then quit seeing the others.

    • ghaniat

      June 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

      Berry, you are right. Fah can always keep her options (widely) open but not when committed with Hakeem…

  7. Naveah

    June 7, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    In Nigeria, Farida B has about 3 solid more years to play those games before she becomes old cargo at Port Singles. I do hope she has education and a brain to back all those physical attributes that the author of the article has enumerated because one thing I know for sure is this, at one point in EVERY woman’s life even the finest of them all, wrinkles will appear, breasts with sag, butts will droop, bellies will bulge but a lady’s education/brain power can never be taken from her.

    We know there are double standards in this world, it is never going to change, it has existed for as long as the world has been in existence, is it right? No but these are the facts! Women have never been able to get away with men can get away with so what is the arguement about? Hell, 2012 we still make LESS than men do for the same job!

    Now, like Lady said people need to date casually and I’ll like to add WITHOUT THE SEX! Na dere wey k-leg dey take enter the matter! When people don’t lay all their cards on the table, i.e. the men involved need to know that the lady is seeing them all, when people start sexing each other that’s when emotions get entangled and trouble arises. It is NOT cheating if all parties involved know the deal. In Ms. Farida B’s case, unless her boyfriend of 5 years knows that she’s flirting with and going to lunch/dinner dates with these men, Preye and Fola, it is cheating and not a matter of keeping her options open. Keeping one’s options open has got to be accompanied by openness, honesty and truth with no room for deceit!

    I do not believe a woman has whorish tendencies if she’s dating 5 men; however, I do believe that if she is spreading low and wide with all 5 men, yeah, she gets the whore paint splash. Sorry, this is what it is! Sexually, women are receivers. Societally, we are mothers, wives, daughters, the harbingers of the family morals and ethics and so it is never going to seen as morally acceptable no matter how feminists we want to be, no matter how high we climb the social and employment ladder to have sex with 5 men! Hell, that is supposed to be about the total of men a women has slept with in a LIFETIME.

    This is one sheet that will never be balanced!

  8. Oma

    June 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    No. It is not cheating. Staying faithful to one man who can decide 2mrw after waiting a number of years that he is no longer interested in spending forever with you and deciding the next minute, he infact is getting married to another chic he called his “friend” a few weeks ago, is not a funny story.

    Please be wise. Keep your options very open, until you have started planning the wedding and picking out IV samples and what-nots and even then, still be nice to all the prospective “friends” that you could still want in ur life many years down the line.

  9. kem

    June 7, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    this is really cool but most times some tend to keep their options open while sleeping with all 3,5, 10 of them but seriously do you need to test run all to know what you really want, well i don’t think so…..that said, just keep it simple oh and learn to draw the lines, do expect much from the guy while keeping it casual as well so he won’t be expecting some benefit”like some guys tend to expect sex as their right! wonders sha, if he buy you stuffs, you can do same for him, if he takes u out for lunch, you can decide to pay the bills as well…so he won’t think, little stuffs he does should bring about or give him total right over you…

  10. kem

    June 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    watever happened to the word dating” getting to know yourselves but some guys would be expecting stuffs like sex on a first date, rushing stuffs, i really do think people should use d dictionary for every word they use these days….anyway i always prefer to define and redefine stuffs in and in d middle of the relationship so you know what you are doing….you can keep your options open when you see traces of seriousness from the Guy, for me i rather end it than waste my precious time on someone who keeps me as an option…..

    • Renny Vonne

      June 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

      I agree these days, men want to skip the dating and get right to the sex. SMH

  11. ghaniat

    June 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Berry, you are right. Fah can always keep her options (widely) open but not when committed to Hakeem…

  12. ushees

    June 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    nyc 1 temiville, read ur article…..very very inspiring i must say….i think every lady must read!!!

  13. Ivi

    June 7, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I am utterly confused..i cant seem to understand what the basis of this free writing have given us 4 different topics of discussion with little to no transition…and please xplain what “gardening tool” has to do with this written work…i appreciate your response

    • Sandi

      June 8, 2012 at 3:59 am

      gardening tool is ‘hoe’ or ‘ho’ the author was trying not to be too explicit.

  14. Abs

    June 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    After 5 yrs? She’s just spoilt for choice and hoping someone better than theKeem guy will spring out frm somewhere. and why will she want to be ‘locked’ in marriage when this happens. If no one better appears, She’ll settle fr Keem and if Keem thinks she’s worth it, then he should keep quiet and wait. a clear case of eating your cake and having it. most fine gals who are aware of their looks do this.

  15. Anon..

    June 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    I definitely agree with keeping options opened…Maybe if i did 2 years ago I won’t have been so heart broken when my bf called it quits. Sometimes being too open sef get K-leg. I told him everything…including about guys who were giving me side forward one year after break up i still find it hard to even show affection towards any guy. I’m trying to “keep my options open” this time. No time for serenren

  16. Mudbox

    June 7, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    “gardening tool” = “Hoe” so Playette or Ho..Get it?

  17. Ajoke

    June 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    A female player is also called a maneater. I don’t think your friend is cheating as long as she doesn’t sleep with other guys/kiss them etc. but from what you’ve explained I don’t even think she is really “keeping her options open” because it seems like she only uses the attention of other guys to take her out etc not like she’s serious about getting to know them and seeing if they might actually be better than her boyfriend.

    And ya, she should probably start thinking about making a final decision before she hits the big 3-0

  18. Seymour

    June 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    The suggestion that a girl can “date” 5 different men without sex being involved is, in my frank opinion, implausible in this day and age. How many men these days settle for less than sex in a relationship? Everything they do before – the ‘courting’, dates etc – is just a buildup to the main event – NOOKIE. So keeping that number of men interested would most likely involve sex being dished out, ergo, said girl is a HEAUX.

    • Gidi

      June 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm

      It is not a man thing. Even females direct affairs in that direction.
      It is the world we live in now. Painful but true.

  19. gbedu

    June 7, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    I think the writer is confused *Sometimes I just stand and stare at her*. Naa candy???

  20. Elisa

    June 8, 2012 at 4:28 am

    I have mixed thoughts on this. Fah is clearly keeping her options open as she does not feel her husband is marriage material but stringing him along for her own reasons. True, she is not cheating as long as nothing physical happens but is she not emotionally cheating?
    On the flip side, if her boyfriend, Keem was carrying different girls around town, what would she say? How would she feel?
    Personally, I feel she needs to be real, she either wants to marry Keem or keep it moving but what she is doing is unfair to her poor partner.
    On second thoughts, he must be a mugu to just be sitting there while she is dating/seeing/accepting things from other men.

  21. faith

    June 8, 2012 at 6:59 am

    imagine U̶̲̥̅̊ r dating a guy n U̶̲̥̅̊ notice he ȋ̊§ keeping his options open,how would U̶̲̥̅̊ feel.

  22. NK

    June 8, 2012 at 10:16 am

    i strongly agree with d idea of u can only have ur options open when u nt in a committed relationship.its really complicating at times.i just believce that if both parties re really in love they can make it work.but if a guy tells me he’s keeping his options open i wont be foolish to continue waiting for him while he’s on a voyage of discovery.

  23. bee

    June 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

    playette sha……i agree bcos d ones dat stay faithful and its long distance, d guy will not know. Fah play on until u feel ready. PS no one should judge but judge ur own selves.
    dear writer pls where is dis special jollof rice place? wink…

    • CutieToxie

      June 8, 2012 at 2:23 pm

      LOL I know Lydia’s place and it’s at Ologun Agbaje. You turn off just before the post office on Adeola Odeku. The jollof rice is truly yummy. My friend had their bole and fish and it was just like we were back in Portharcourt.

  24. LPS

    June 8, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Interesting. Will come back to digest!

  25. pussycatdoll

    June 8, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    all these bufallos on bellanaija, they comment before reading the article. Psychotic ruminants!

  26. bella

    June 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    It is very wise to keep your options open when my mum used to say it i didnt believe her now i do.

  27. Ruby

    June 8, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    keeping one’s options open makes sense die, if and only if, the one keeping options open knows just where to draw the line between just friends and ..cheating. It doesn’t make sense if you have multiple sexual partners in the name of keeping options open. people still go on casual dates ohh! I’m a witness

  28. Modinat

    June 8, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Dat u fren is not a good somebody because lets say dat the Keemie boy is now discover dat she is toasting oda boy how is he going to be feeling because am not sure dat he knows the tin that is really going on with his baby girl he is just tinking that he has meet a true african baby girl when she is toasting other boys is not good at all but i undastand sha because to be a fine woman is not easy many men will be around so she really had to be choosing the one that will making her smile but as long as she is tell Keemie about it then who am i to say she cannot toast all the man after all i dont know her likes or dislike this is all i have to say on this sha thanks bella for this niz post Cheers

    • aisha

      June 20, 2012 at 5:31 pm

      EHEEEEN S0 this is English abi?

    • Is this really necessary?

      June 29, 2012 at 10:49 am

      Why are we always putting other people down? We all have different levels of education. English is not everyone’s first language. I’m so tired of Nigerians berating Nigerians. Shio!

  29. Paul

    June 8, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    1. There is an adage in my place that says a Man who chases two rats will definitely lose both of them. You cannot be fully here or fully there. If you don’t give your full attention to chasing one, you will never have any of them.

    Someone you have close to you sef can cheat, how much more someone you are casual with. If you don’t go close and get committed, you can never know how many guys/gurls that he/she sends that same love sms too at once or saying he/she loves at the same time.

    The spiritual dimension to it is that God will never talk to you when you have so many people you are keeping around you especially you dating all of them. That’s why many have been praying to God for a choice but not heard anything yet. God knows what’s on your mind-He told Ezekiel I will answer them according to their heart

    2. Except if you are a player/playette too, you mean you will be matured and ready to settle and someone will come ask you for a date and you won’t clearly define what you are doing? Playing is for small girls and boys who know not that they know not.

    Acting like lovers, doing what lovers should do and the relationship is not defined? A fool at a matured age (not at 40) is a fool for ever. Even if you are a babe, ask the guy when its going too deep -abeg what are we doing? Nothing to be shy about- I can’t date in darkness. I need to know what I should expect at the end of the tunnel.

    3. The act of not keeping your eggs in one basket is lack of faith/trust in God which in itself is a sin. Many of us think we are wise but our wisdom has not yielded any result. Since all this while that you have been keeping it open, what has it yielded. Flocking around them when your mates have had their third child. God is a just God please remember that!
    4. Anyone who cannot make up his/her mind to stay with you does not deserve your attention and vice versa. Alright I understand as a lady you are keeping it open- my question to you is that how would you feel if you are an option to your guy? Nothing as degrading when you know you are an option. That means you are not good enough to be the main person. If I am not good enough for you, let me go rather than keep me waiting. Matured guys in my office drop girls as soon as they realize she’s keeping her option open. I know so many ladies that did that but as soon as their guys realized that they were just options, they left without saying a word. Ladies/guys don’t think you are so wise or fast. It doesn’t work. Many that once chased two rats lost both. You cannot keep someone hanging around and you find a better one and later drop him/her-if his/her head is too weak to fight you, God will fight for him/her. Don’t plant nemesis into your future or that of your children.

    5. if you meet a guy, and both of you made it clear that it is an open relationship and you keeping your options open, then it is not cheating. But if you meet a guy, you din’t tell him that but you entertain others(whether you sleep with them or not) its cheating

    You don’t have to test the waters before you catch a big fish! If you are sincere and you have sought the face of God, He will bring the best for you. Many have tested so many waters that they can’t even love or have feelings for the new ones again.

    6.Lastly, I intentionally put this at the concluding part cos am sure it won’t go well with some. Call it white lie, red lie, black lie, blue lie-a lie is a lie. Give it whatever name you want to, cheating is cheating. It can even be your mum or a pope that advised you to double/tripple/fourpple date, God’s standard remains sure-no respecter of persons

    Remember, no single cheat, liar, double dater, player, playette will have a part in God’s kingdom.-Hope I said all I wanted to say sha?

    7. All these things I said with love and passion-it may be harsh, but its with the intention that sanctity, faithfulness, joy and long lasting relationships and marriages would be experienced in my own generation

  30. posh

    June 8, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    Chei! Modinat? Kilonshele? U just killed dis whole interesting piece with ur poem.

  31. Anon..

    June 9, 2012 at 12:10 am

    True talk @ Paul! You have made sense gaan ni. It is well. May God bring our rightful partners our way. Amen!

  32. Jacme

    June 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    @Paul the preacher. Thumbs up for summing it all up. Let him/her who has ear (eyes) read, understand and take the message to heart. Do not be wise in your own eyes. All the scheming and rat race for marriage, where is it leading? More of heartaches, broken relationships, nroken marriages, etc. Only God can give the best option and the option is to leave your “options” open to God. God bless you all

  33. Ezer Meet

    June 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    According to the oxford dictionary, to cheat means:

    1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage: gain an advantage over or deprive of something by using unfair or deceitful methods; defraud:

    If your friend’s current boyfriend is unaware she sees other guys, then she is cheating. This is because he believes they are in a monogamous relationship that he hopes will lead to marriage; meanwhile she is ‘keeping her options open’. If he is aware and is ok with it, then they are in what people often term an open relationship.

    Personally, I believe that once you commit yourself to a relationship, be it dating, courtship, marriage e.t.c, seeing anyone else with an open mind is cheating. Even if we are not going to toe the line of religion, we should be people of integrity. Just because others are doing something, doesn’t mean we should as well. Will you commit murder because other people are doing it and might get away with it?!

    I don’t particularly believe in casual dating (but that’s not the issue here), which i understand to be hanging out with different guys for a period of time (NOT 5YEARS!) until you decide which of them you’d like to commit to. Once you agree to become the girlfriend or wife of any of them, then i believe that being anything less than 100% committed i.e. ‘keeping your options open’, is cheating.

    The point is, we should be people of integrity. What people don’t understand is that what you do before marriage is what you do after marriage. Marriage isn’t a magic drug that changes anyone. If you have a ‘testing the waters’ mind set before you get married, you’ll still have it after you get married as well.

    If your friend wants to date other guys, she should let her current boyfriend know and stop being deceptive. If you want to casually date, then make this clear and do not commit yourself to a relationship.

  34. Purpleicious Babe

    June 13, 2012 at 1:26 am

    I dont care about your friend’s decision “she is old enough to make a moral decision” as she lays a her bed she will lie on it. It harsh and brash but ITS THE TRUTH. I cant be bothered with some of us that know what to do but chose not to do it.

    As for keeping your options open, I don’t believe in it, I don’t condone it, I don’t see the logical reasoning, i don’t want it and I dont care what people call it… Morally, it does not feel right and my principles does not encourage it. Until a man says “i think we should go into a relationship” will leave us as friends it does not mean am seeing 4 or less or more other dudes in the corner. I dont have time like that jor….. besides, once my feelings are taken, its taken until the feelings dies away. I cant concentrate on developing emotional attachments ( not physical) with different dudes all in the name of “finding the one”. Messed up, what?? we make it seem like our future our spouses are miracle workers that will make all our troubles go away or disappear (to an extent for some sha, but as one trouble is cleared, another arises, such is life). These people we want soo badly are humans that can die TODAY… as in any time so what the point???
    Oh well, we are created to desire, feel and want. But some of us we want the wrong things and it soo bloody scary…

    Like fah. I cant understand why she has practically invested time and energy into a five years relationship??? WHY?? would people do such and be scared of commitment. if he was not urs and you knew from day one, why encourage all that memories ? not cool.

    anywhoo… Invest in your mental growth.

  35. Nok10

    June 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I quite agree, I don’t subcribe to casually dating a bunch of guys until you decide which one you wanna go with. I have friends that were dating 2 guys seriously until they decided on the one they wanted to marry. Their defence was that they didn’t wanna put all their eggs in one basket. I think thats wrong on so many levels – involves a lot of lies, deception etc. I believe in dating one guy seriously and deciding quickly (within a couple of months) if thats who you wanna date long-term. If you meet other guys whilst dating the guy, let them know you are in a relationship and keep them as friends. If your relationship doesn’t work out, then you can move on to another guy (after a clean break from the previous relationship). I think the problem with most women is that we let relationship drag on for too long, even when they are not right for us. Dating a guy for years when you clearly see red flags, whats up with that? I must confess I was guilty of that in my twenties. Just because it got comfortable and convenient – you know his friends, family, have access to his house, car etc. So what? If its not the right person cut him loose and screw convenient and comfortable, lol! If you stop having sexual relationship with the guys you date, that’ll give you a clear head and you can breakup easily if the relationship isn’t working out. The problem with premarital sex is that it clouds your mind (you underestimate the real issues), especially if the sex if good, lol!

    Totally agree with Purplicuos babe – finding a life partner does not solve all your problems! Men are human and not the solution to all our problems! Please lets stop acting like its a do or die affair.

  36. Nok10

    June 13, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    By the way, casual dating doesn’t even make sense cos the proper way to do it is to let the guys you’re dating know you are dating other people. You seriously think if you tell a guy you are dating other people, he’ll take you seriously – of cos not! He’ll be dating other women as well. If you don’t let him know you’re dating other men, then that would be cheating and you’ll have to cover your tracks well so you don’t get caught. Who the heck has the time and energy for that??

  37. ANSLEM Ozor 'badboi" emeritus

    June 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    U came to the world to find ya real missing ribs abi? y dull ya self wit someone whose purpose does not alihn wit ya own

  38. tee

    June 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    @Nok10 you are right, honestly women of now a days stay in relationships for too long when you know he is not the right person and I know sometimes it is as a result of self esteem and sex and thinking we cannot do better, we r comfortable, starting over is very difficult and e.t.c, Am married and my ex was an example of me staying in a relationship for too long even though I knew that from the start we were not meant to be with each other…I honestly think it comes to a point when a woman should know what u want in a man after dating bad guys, u shld be able to pin point quickly if u are a woman the next thing u want in a guy… After my ex. I was able to sit down do an evaluation of my relationship and myself and figure out what am I doing wrong.. And after that I do not have to date a bunch of gguys before knowing u and I r not meant to be with eachother. Sometimes its thr just communication I can tell we cant be together, I do not have to date u for long before I know u r the one I want to be with.. So dating numerous guys is a waste of time and energy honestly if u know what u want in a man u will find it and stick with it.. For those still trying to figure it out.. I always say do a self evaluation of urself , ur relationship.. It shld not take u so long for u to know if u want to be with a person or not and this is the truth.. if u r in a relationship I believe in an evaluation of ur relationship every 6 months where is this going to, am I getting what I want, what r the things I like and don’t and what r the red flags so I do not have to waste time figuring this out…Anyway I wish everyone best of luck.. but am blessed to know a great guy when I dated a jackass… I love him cos he loves me and shows me..

  39. Nok10

    June 17, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Totally agree with you Tee, you need to evaluate the relationship regularly – infact every month sef, lol!

  40. wemimo

    June 19, 2012 at 3:28 am

    i dont know y some pple’s comment is even more dan d write up…well, back to d topic,,,,its good to av plenty dishes to pick from, let them call u ho, slut, tramp or wateva, it doesnt mata…u only live life once so make d best of it and this means dont stick to a guy who will nt appreciate u at d end of d day…when men(the good, d bad *wink* and d ugly) boku outside,,,,,,peace out.

  41. Cassieandra

    June 20, 2012 at 7:36 am

    Well afta all said,i tink i luv dis article.and ma view bout d ish is dat gals sud av options open,cos guyz can b sumaw,i dont knw aw dey reason,so u dont end up loosin out @ d longrun .bt gals u jst av to b smart nd play ur games tite nd let d guy knw wat is involve so pple or he dont c u as a gardenin u gat to play wise u dont get to loose all of dem or dey dont get to set u up!cos guyz cud b smart in dere own wayz!

  42. mimi

    June 20, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    everyone seems to disagree wiv d having option thingy well i fink pple believe in things differently and wat works for me mite nt b wat works for u.i srzly dnt see d big deal in having options,getting to knw different pple bcos as we all knw marraige is a lifetime commitment its no joke….

  43. Ms254

    June 21, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    I’m confused. Dating, casually dating, in a relationship, in a serious relationship, in a committed relationship…The lines get finer and finer. I say do what makes you happy! There are so many moral judges out here with skeletons in their own closets.

    Guys want to be able to ‘date’ as many women as they want, and they want benefits. Once a girl asks whether or not the guy is getting these ‘benefits’ from other women, it’s a issue. One of my guy friends [he’s married] said “You can’t expect a man to just sleep with one girl if they’re only dating”.

    Blank stare.


  44. Maegan A. Whisnant

    June 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Me I call it cheating. Doesn’t the word “commitment” mean anything anymore. If you’re with someone that long and you’re not sure if they’re your soul mate, then why are you wasting their time? Sometime some things are black and white, but our human nature makes us think it’s 50 shades of grey. It’s either people stop playing games and stick with the person you’re with, or you leave them alone and allow them to find the right on for themselves. Like Luther Van dross said “If you can’t be with the one you love…honey love the one you’re with.”

  45. bella

    June 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    i luv reading the comments more than the articles so funny.I agree with wemimo some peoples comments are longer than the article. Pleaseeeeee keep your options open simple. If you dont you ll find out soon why should have kept it open.Nuff said.

  46. Juju

    June 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    omo some comments shaaaaa chai (whipping my sweat) until introduction biko keep ur options open forget dat word “fiancee” it has ruined alot of girls

  47. Lady D

    June 29, 2012 at 11:24 am

    we girls sha…Cheating means to act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, or to deceive or trick someone. If Keem is aware of her “keeping her options open” exercise, then I dont think its cheating…but really, how wld she feel if he does same to her?y give sb a pill you cannot swallow? I personally feel that cheating starts when u’v emotional feelings for these casual dates…my two cents

  48. sandra

    July 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    i gave 10 years of my life, 10 good years of my life, we agreed on family planning, i agreed to put IUD inside of me o prevent us from getting pregnant and wat did i get in return, he recently had a baby with anoda girl. abuse me all u can but trust me u don’t no half of it.

  49. Flakky

    July 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Fah is just a playette, why should a lady keep her options ‘OPEN’ when you’v been with a guy for five years and he propose to you not 2c buh 5 good times. Aba, as ladies we should keep our options open when we are not in a serious relationship. Fah should just free KEEM and keep being a playette. Buh she should know that beauty fades, and its her time she should spend it wisely.

  50. everlasting

    August 17, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Sure, we should keep options open, but, can a lady take a guy with open options serious enough as to spark off something real and lasting? truth is no one knows that you are not sleeping with the others behind closed doors. Good luck people, with all these open option things.. I would rather think it should be, one at a time. Don’t keep enjoying all those favors from all of them at the same time. You would just keep comparing guys and would never settle down. Ask your friend Fah.

  51. koffie

    July 10, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    I think i know the Paul that commented earlier in real life

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