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“Tragedy Contingency Plan”- Is This A Must-Have For Every Woman?

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Last week such a stressful period for me; exactly a month after her passing, my grandma was buried. God bless her soul. Anyway, so many people came for the burial festivities and I saw  people I hadn’t seen in a while, including one of my aunties whose husband had died some years ago. I leaned over to my sister-in-law and whispered: “If you had seen that woman 8 years ago, you wouldn’t have been able to recognize her today.” Considering what she had gone through, Aunty N was looking…happy…glowing even. A cousin confirmed later that she had just started dating again, hence her happy demeanor.

That weekday was just like any other; her husband had left for work as usual. She was with her daughter at home when a couple of hours later, some of her husband’s relatives showed up in her house, telling her “Sorry oh, our wife”. Her husband is from a South-South state, and from his town to Benin where they lived it was a journey of almost 6 hours by road. So you can imagine her surprise at their arrival. When did they leave the village for Benin? What was the large entourage for? Sorry for what now? They told her “Ah, we heard our son had died oh.” The first time I heard the story, I had goose bumps. Some people wouldn’t have believed my aunt if not that she had run next door to call her neighbour’s wife to please come and help her hear what she was hearing. Same neighbour was later able to corroborate her story to sympathisers. These people came to Benin to tell a wife that her husband she kissed goodbye to that morning, was dead. Some of Aunty N’s friends arrived and began to ask her in-laws whether they killed her husband. A shouting match ensued. The whole house was in chaos. Efforts to get through to her husband’s phone proved futile; it was switched off. She called her husband’s office and the receptionist said he hadn’t shown up for work yet. It was with trepidation everyone waited till it got dark. Uncle never came home that night. The next day police showed up at her house saying her husband was in the mortuary. He had been in a car accident the day before…

Aunty N was inconsolable. All the time she was in shock, the messengers from the village were quietly sharing property and moving cars and documents. By the time the quick burial (he was 37) was over, all she and her 7year old daughter had left was literally the house they lived in. They took everything: from the two cars to the furniture in the living room, down to her husband’s shoes. I kid you not.

I talked to some of my friends about the issue and one of them said: “God forbid oh, but no one should think because my husband or father passed that I will be crying too much to remember that I am still alive. And that I will still eat after the burial is over; abi will I be buried with him?” Another friend confided that she has a “Tragedy Contingency Plan” in case her husband suddenly passes and his extended family decides to be ‘cute’: number one on the list is “Move all important documents out of the house”. Also on the list is “Bank transfers” and ways to “hide all cars, electronics, jewellery and expensive items” that can easily be carted away. She also added that for her to hide EVERYTHING would be foolish; better to leave one car or a couple of electronics around for them to steal, so that they won’t say she killed her husband and cleaned out. She’s Yoruba, husband is Igbo, and she has three daughters. No son. At a time, her husband’s sisters tried to convince him into having an affair with one of their friends, in the hopes she will bear him a son. “It’s not that I don’t love the Mr.”, she said to me, “but if it happens that he leaves me alone on this earth I’m going to mourn him with one eye open”. Her husband made her stop work and become a fulltime housewife before the first baby was born, so he is the sole breadwinner. I figure my friend has a valid point.

Like most happenings in Nigeria, some people see death as another occasion to take advantage of. From the demands from villagers before the burial rites take place, to the “aunty” I saw who was picking up sprayed from the ground and stuffing in her wrapper when people were dancing, to the fight over a will, some people only show up when there is something to be gained – whether they have rights to it or not, or even if they plain deserve it. Not everyone is blessed with calm family members. I think it is extremely important for parents to discuss with their children and husbands to be open to their wives about any tiffs with family friends and relatives. Or any one close to the family that may have reason to be disgruntled towards the breadwinner; not that when the husband or father dies, the first person the wife or children run to for solace will be the one who will plot to take everything that has been left behind by the deceased. Extended family relations are a minefield: not every ‘uncle’ loves you; not every ‘cousin’ wishes you well.

The stories of a husband’s relatives or even a business partner leaving the wife with nothing are told every day, especially if there are no male children or the sons are very young. What do you think? If the man of the house (Husband/Father/Breadwinner) passes, what would be your first action? How can others be prevented from disinheriting you? Let’s discuss!

Photo creditarticles.businessinsider.com

61 Comments

  1. gf

    September 5, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    “Her husband made her stop work and become a fulltime housewife” really??? Tell your friend to get off her butt and get a job!!!!Is her husband her lord and savior for him to tell her not to work?What if he doesn’t die but he actually leaves her for someone else?? I am not saying your friend is in a bad marriage, but most women do not leave abusive marriages because they cannot stand alone, financially. She needs to stop planning for what to do after his death and focus on being independent right now!

    • Tiki

      September 5, 2012 at 5:27 pm

      Not every husband’s request is borne from a need to control/oppress his wife. Sometimes it actually makes sense – they may have a special needs child, or her job may not be bringing in much but taking a lot of time, or she may be facing unnecessary challenges at work, etc. I for one don’t feel like taking care of children, a house and a husband would be fulfilling for me, but have you considered the fact that she might like it?

      Don’t tar people with the same brush. Talking about abusive marriages in the same breath seems disrespectful to me.

    • toyin

      September 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

      I agree

    • Kiki

      September 10, 2012 at 9:12 am

      If you are married and you are not your husbands next of kin,he doesn’t love and trust you enough,shikena! During the honey moon,he brought out all the necessary documents of properties,bank statements etc he owned around the world and made me his next of kin and later Wrote a will. No matter how young you are, immediately you get married it is highly irresponsible not have a will.

  2. Berry Choco-Latte

    September 5, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I’ve heard of heartbreaking stories like this before. And honestly it freaks me out. I think women SHOULD have a plan just in case something happens. A married couple must discuss this issue, uncomfortable as it is. I’m not married, but if I were and we lived in Nigeria, we’d definitely have to have a hidden stash somewhere. Heck, I’ll have security detail, lawyer and accountant on standby cos people can be wicked.

  3. NK

    September 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    This is so true , when my grand father died there was such a squabble for his property and other assets by his so called exposed and enlightened children. It was shameful!

  4. Sugar land

    September 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    First!

  5. gf

    September 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Now to the topic at hand.Yes I agree every woman must have a contingency plan for their spouses death, not only because of greedy relatives but also because of the fact that a two income household has become a one income household(that is kukuma if the woman is working). You have to strategically plan your finances so that your standard of living and that of your kids do not drastically drop.When it comes to greedy relatives, yes make plans to move all valuables out of the house. While usually Igbos are concerned with their ‘brothers’ properties, don’t fool yourself and think other ethnic groups do not do it.

    I know someone who’s husband died and when her family heard that the husband’s people were coming to pack the property, they hired military guys to mann the house and right after the funeral the woman traveled out with her kids, sold the house then later came back to the country and bought a new house in her and her children’s name.

  6. Anonymous

    September 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I support mourning with one eye closed, not all in-laws are considerate. My cousin’s husband died after 7 years of marriage leaving her with 4 children. Immediately after his death before he was buried, relatives have started asking for their properties’ documents! Eventually, lawyers were involved. She could not even mourn but at the end of the day, she won and has control of the properties. None of the relatives asked how she was going to take care of the 4 kids the first being 6 years.

  7. NNEKA

    September 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Trust me, if you as a woman finds yourself in that position, gathering your husband’s possessions will be the last thing on your mind. Come to think of it, its not like people just sit down to plan what to do if you loose your husband. The best we can do as women is to pray for our husbands always, especially against untimely death.

    • bewi

      September 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

      This is how people refuse to face reality.No one is praying for their spouse to die, but guess what, tomorrow is not promised and tragedies do occur.Do we not hear of deaths and read obituaries everyday?Do we not hear stories of people suddenly having heart attacks and dying at work? Yall better face reality and plan accordinly.While we do not pray for such, we are not immune to them. The earlier we make plans and have discussions with our spouses about these things, the better.

    • Tiki

      September 5, 2012 at 5:29 pm

      Death is an unpleasant event, but it is the surest event for any living thing. If the best you can do is pray, I pity you.

  8. pynk

    September 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    My dad states explicitly that his will is supreme. My mother is a foreigner and I grew up with the fear that she would be marginalised as some of her friends were if my father were to die early. I am big on having your own things as a woman.

  9. Chichi.

    September 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    This is one of the reasons why I decided to become a barrister. My mum is my father’s 2nd wife and she married him when he already had 5 kids. It certainly doesn’t help that my half sisters are sooo selfish. I think families can avoid situations like this if the husband/father prepares a will. And as harsh as it may seem, keep certain family members at arms length.

    • Bola

      September 5, 2012 at 8:29 pm

      Your mother is the SELFISH one who refused to see that your father was already married with 5 kids. So, please bear with your half sisters who cannot rationalise why a woman will enter such a marriage with her eyes open. Please put yourself in your half sisters’ shoes and then you will understand them better.

    • Hephzibah

      September 26, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      Do not be quick to pass judgment. When it han’t happened to you, you won’t know how it feels.

  10. notaplayerhater

    September 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Shame, i thot with all the africa magic and nollywood broadcasting of this issue, that women woulda learnt a thing or two. we may be developing, but in a lot of ways, we are still backwards. 2012 is not a year fro any woman in naija to just live her life without some sorta nest egg or contingency plan in place. my Mr lost his job a few days to our wedding and now is in biz which is still a lil shaky at the mo. i have two kids. And im still to a large extent the sole breadwinner. Omo, with all the stress goin on, i have 2 insurance policies. i generally known one, and another in my first child’s name as sole beneficiary. even my work benefits go 60% to my kids “in case”. Not that i dont love Oga o; with my life, i do. but if kelebe happen tomorrow (God forbid) and baba say he wants to marry one sweet sixteen aftawards, i want to be sure my kids will be adequately taken care of o!!! I will NOT suffer for nothing.

  11. fola

    September 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Men should make sure theyhave their wifes’ names on all their property – Simple. A lot of Nigerian families (women included) get funny when their relation is the man – they always want all property and assets in their ‘Brothers’ name. But when something happens to female members of their family, they begin to cry foul. When people marry – they become their own family, everyone else needs to respect that family ! Whatever property is acquired before AND after the marraige belongs to the FAMILY *nuclear and NOT extended. simple

  12. chogwu enape

    September 5, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Women should not only have a plan,they should have a good lawyer and a good pastor.so if shit like this happens you fight. Stuff like this can happen to anybody regardless of our different cultures but mostly to women who always play dumb when it comes to the in-laws. You don’t have to be rude or anything but even if they want to do this to you,they will think well cuz they’ll expect hell from you. I like the military plan very well. Hehehehe. As for this story,she should go to court for her daughter’s sake at least.

  13. deedee

    September 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    When my sisters hubby died it was like a nollywood movie. Her in-laws took everything, made her ride in the ambulance with his body, dropped by from time to time to harass her, threatened to throw her out of the house(thank God it was rented). She wasnt her hubbys next of kin so they felt that it meant they owned everything. My sister is a very independent hard working woman, she would have been so miserable. Women need to be independent own their own stuff. My dads property was in my mums name otherwise we would have been thrown out.These things happen and its sad.

    • Tiki

      September 5, 2012 at 5:32 pm

      How can she not be her husband’s next of kin? My dear, it is supposed to be automatic, once one is married according to a court of law. Unless the marriage was annulled or never happened, she is his next-of-kin. However if her husband expressly named someone else as a next-of-kin in his will…*shuts mouth*

    • Manny

      September 6, 2012 at 4:11 am

      There are several Nigerian men who were brought up with the mentality of expressly over-riding their wives as the next of kin. Some don’t even think twice about it, whether they love their wife or not

  14. Idak

    September 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    you guys are preaching to the wrong congregation.
    I am a man and the very little i have is in my wife’s name. our savings is in an account of hers. The piece of land we have is bought in our names. Besides my parents own more than i do,so no worries about that one. Just put the things in your wife’s name if you think you come from the kind of family that will oppress her i your absence. I often blame the men in these cases. On the other hand most men are scared of the women they marry. Some women do not even know what their husbands earn,talk less of knowing where the trust certificates are.

    • Manny

      September 6, 2012 at 4:13 am

      Well, I can imagine why some men won’t do so … when they hear horror stories of wives that poisoned their husbands for the inheritance

  15. Joan

    September 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    I keep telling my mum she needs a contingency plan, and she hasn’t been taking me seriously. I’m about to go get an attorney and make her write a will whether she likes it or not. She has been the breadwinner for nearly twelve years and no dime to show for it. I feel so sad for her and all she goes through and yet those yeye family members do not appreciate her all because she does not have a son for my dad. I hope she agrees with me stops being naive about all of this…

  16. walahitalahi

    September 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    @notaplayerhater, u got me rolling on the floor. YES, u made a whole lot of sense. Women are up to the task now unlike before when they are left to rot away with their kids after the demise of their husbands. A wise woman must have a ‘plan B’. i have seen men marry shortly after they lost their wives. infact, the most recent one, the man was caught in a tight corner at the wife’s wake keep fondling a girls’ boobs! I LOVE MY HUSBAND WITH THE WHOLE OF MY HEART!….but i can not die for him neither will i die with him. INLAWS are the same everywhere. In sickness and in health, women should save for the rainy day. while you cry/weep/mourn, assign someone to handle all important docs or move them out of the house ASAP. e ni damu.

  17. Myne Whitman

    September 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Forget about women contorting themselves into scheming, dishonest people just to scrape by as widows. The men are the ones we need to talk to, they should make their wills, and treat their wives as partners by putting their names on property and bank accounts.

    • gf

      September 5, 2012 at 4:43 pm

      I don’t think it is fair to refer to women who know how their culture works and act accordingly as scheming.

    • Myne Whitman

      September 6, 2012 at 12:08 am

      I wasn’t referring to the widows or women as scheming but to the strategies suggested in this article. Prevention they say is better than cure.

    • Idak

      September 5, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      my points exactly.

    • Manny

      September 6, 2012 at 4:18 am

      You forget that we live in a society where the law is not always enforced. I have seen situations where even though the man left a will, the man’s relatives dealt with the widow sufficiently enough that she gave them everything and ran for her life. They dealt with her emotionally, physically, humiliated her, spread rumors etc.

  18. zika

    September 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Its crazy the way our society treat women, when they loose their husbands. I lost my dad when i was 15 and am ibo and we are all girls. It is one memory i would like to erase from my memory. Everytime i remember what my mum went through at the hands of my dad’s people, it still brings tears to my eyes. Its just the grace of God.

  19. Tobechi Daniel

    September 5, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    A woman… all women should have a contingency plan.Love is great, love is fabulous. I love love and I love him, but yes, women need savings and a fall back plan. No one prays for loss or distress, and regardless of where you live, having a fund is very important. It does not necessarily have to be hidden from the hubby, but it should absolutely be in your name. The thing is to marry someone who is not threatened by your or your need for independence. Prayers are vital to any endeavor.
    http://www.tobechidaniel.blogspot.com

  20. brandigest

    September 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

  21. adelegirl

    September 5, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Going by my mum’s experience, women should ensure that they buy property not in their name or their husband’s name but in their children’s names, if they have children. They should also ensure that they (not their husbands) keep copies of the property documents. If the husband insists on keeping the copies, they should ensure that they also have duplicate original copies. Also, have a reliable lawyer on retainer (if you can afford it or make occasional appointments with a reliable lawyer) to ensure that your documents are kosher. Once you have kids and you own property, it’s never too early to make a will. It’s not being morbid but realistic and wise. Remember that the good book says “wisdom is profitable for direction”. I know women who have gone to the extent of buying property without their husband being aware and operating secret accounts and with everything I have heard, and seen with my own mum’s experience with my dad, I do not blame such women. Men will teach you how to treat them and as us women are often on the receiving end, we MUST ensure that we are wise and not carried away by “love” or “emotions”. May God helps us all.

  22. iyabo

    September 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    work, have a source of income that can sustain u and ur children. don’t have more children that u can take care of by urself. always have at the back of ur mind that it can be just you and the kids for any number of reasons. be smart.

  23. Musa

    September 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Interesting read and I must say I’m impressed by dis topic. I’m a man and like Idak I think d men have d answer to dis problem by writing wills & making their wives joint owners of properties. But as a lawyer I have been involved in so much divorce matters to know dat marriages today are mere companies of strangers with no trust. As a wife u wld know wat kinda in-laws u have and predict their tendencies by how ur hubby relates with u. I’m married & my wife is in d know of every penny I make & vice versa. We decide wat we buy & how we spend wat. My dad died intestate (I.e. Without a will) & it was never an issue bcos everyone knew their boundaries so I learnt how to keep everyone at arms length. D key question to ask here is; have d women positioned themselves for their husbands to totally submit to them? My wife has and she’s my all & even comes b4 any child. We need to stop getting married for marriage sake & issues would be a lot simpler. To say you’ll be fast & grab as much as u can when he dies is self deceit.

    • Bewi

      September 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm

      What you have said is true but at the end of the day, no matter how much boundary the dead husband had set, some in laws will still act up and in such cases women have to grab what they can..It is not deceit but reality.

  24. R

    September 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Thought provoking article! It’s always depressing to hear of a lady being treated poorly by her in-laws, very!
    Lesson is that we as females must think ahead and have an idea of what to do if nightmares become a reality.

  25. Musa

    September 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Interesting read and I must say I’m impressed by dis topic. I’m a man and like Idak I think d men have d answer to dis problem by writing wills & making their wives joint owners of properties. But as a lawyer I have been involved in so much divorce matters to know dat marriages today are mere companies of strangers with no trust. As a wife u wld know wat kinda in-laws u have and predict their tendencies by how ur hubby relates with u. I’m married & my wife is in d know of every penny I make & vice versa. We decide wat we buy & how we spend wat. My dad died intestate(I.e. Without a will) & it was never an issue bcos everyone knew their boundaries so I learnt how to keep everyone at arms length. D key question to ask here is; have d women positioned themselves for their husbands to totally submit to them? My wife has and she’s my all & even comes b4 any child. We need to stop getting married for marriage sake & issues would be a lot simpler. To say you’ll be fast & grab as much as u can when he dies is self deceit.

  26. Jojo

    September 5, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    @chichi your mother is the 2nd wife and you are complaining about your half sisters being stingy. How won’t they be stingy when your mother married another persons husband. Instead of you to advise your mother to leave the man and ask for forgiveness you are busy talking about will. Hiss

    • Ogonna

      September 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

      i totally agree with you, invading an already made family and expecting equal rights??? smh

    • Ada beke

      September 5, 2012 at 7:52 pm

      Polygamy is not a crime in Nigeria and is supported by certain religion so please stop with that rubbish talk. face the issue at hand and give the appropriate advise and leave what does not concern you.

    • stezy

      September 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

      u see some people don’t think before talking, polygamy is notthing in nigeria when u decide go into it then u take whatever comes out of it especially the scnd wife & the husband.

    • flash

      September 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

      You guys are so mean.Chi Chi is not the one who married the man, her mother did and the kids of the 2md marriage should not suffer for decisions made by the parents

    • Manny

      September 6, 2012 at 4:22 am

      actually sometimes the children will suffer for the sins of their parents

    • Ndi

      September 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

      You’re right Jojo. Chichi should advise her Mom to calm down. 2nd wives are always cranky and causing problem in the house and they do not always give their children the guidance they need. They pick quarel at the shortest time. Chichi, thank God you are enlightened, you should always be the calming balm in your family and tell your mom to cool down and respect the first wife. Things will go well with all of you.

  27. Don

    September 5, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    ”At a time, her husband’s sisters tried to convince him into having an affair with one of their friends, in the hopes she will bear him a son.” Are patriarchal society has convinced as that a man has to have a son to inherit his surname and properties. The inability of a woman to bring forth a male child has led to adultery and breakup of families. A female is as important as a male.

  28. Teju

    September 5, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Yes the kids should not suffer but they should be wise enough to advise their mum. After 5 children u still go marry another woman’s husband and you want equal rights. What a shame

  29. hotchoclate

    September 6, 2012 at 7:35 am

    @ Jojo i totally disagree with you. did her mother marry the man or the other way round? what if the man wasn’t happy and desired to marry another woman? as Musa said go to court and see the mess in divorce. Chichi’s father made a mistake of not writing a will knowing fully well he has 2 families,lets stop judging pple cos for every decision or action one takes there’s a reason for it.
    As per the topic of the day i fully support contingency plan o, u can never tell what is lurking in the corner.

  30. Temitope Adewoye

    September 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Quite frankly, I am shocked that this kind of stories still exist in this time and age well guess ladies should be wise.

  31. Nne Somebody

    September 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Men should learn to be responsible for their families. They should stop burying their heads in the sand when it comes to issues of what will be done after they pass on. Yes, we pray you live a long and happy life but if you yourself are aware that you come from an avaricious lot, biko, write a will. Make sure your lawyers (note plural) and executors have firm instructions, if possible, create a trust and transfer everything while you are alive. Don’t leave anything to chance. Woman, get off your lazy behind and find something to do. Even if you don’t have a 9 -5, keep a hand in. Know your husband’s business. Get certifications, qualifications. Learn a craft.
    Am I ranting? possibly. But this sort of thing shouldn’t still be happening in Nigeria today.

  32. walahitalahi

    September 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Cases like this will never cease to happen….. our culture made it so. Men like Musa are rear. most marriages are on contract basis so somethings are already taken care of. Moreso, this days, i see women acquiring property than the men. worrisome is the fact that women are the bread winners of 70% of marriages these days. my heart bleeds when i see/hear some shameless inlaws reaping them off of their hard earn money/property. if only the dead could talk….when my father died my mother and i stood like Zuma rock. i only wept in our bedroom and avoided crying in front of my uncles. two of them came after my mum and i just to get hold of my fathers property by wanting to date/sleep with us….trust me, i almost castrated one of them. He’s cooling off in hell now. now married, i understand better. Men and women alike should ponder on these things and make amends or else…so shall it be world without end!

  33. Nomy

    September 7, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Chichi that one is your concern there! Men finished in the world when you mother crashed another woman’s home causing heartache, pain and sorrow ba? She did not consider then o! She chose to come in second where there five kids believing that she is what too special? Abegi! You people better commot eye from that property and fend for yourself. You must not get a pin of a loose man’s property! If i hear say your step sisters consider you eh! mscheeeew! rubbish! and for all those saying polygamy is not a crime, wait for your husband’s second wife or your fathers second wife! Nonsense!

    • God's daughter

      September 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

      y so bitter? what if the man were a widow? shouldn’t he remarry? what if his wife divorced him? shouldn’t he re marry?
      u come here and start to insult someone and her mother neither of whom u know anything about their story
      im sure if we looked into your life we would find shocking skeletons as per you and your mother or father.
      nonsense

  34. ESSY

    September 13, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Hmmm na wa o, may god help nd comfort the weak bones. i think its nt only all about d wife nt vn a male child, becos same torture still go to some women dats ve male child/children. for instance my girl friend lost similar battle to her inlaw’s becos she was very young (23yrs) nd helpless .i nd my sisters tried to help her win her marriage back, but we culdn’t now she is leav in a one room apartment wit her mother nd her son in a remote area in lagos becos dats where she culd afford.let me say how d whole tin started.
    she met dis guy(husband) thru a male friend which was also a toaster den, after the male friend travel abroad 4 his masters, she decided to start datin his friend becos they didnt really start any tin intimate b4 he left, they dated for 2yrs nd they became luv birds, she was workn in bank same with d guy (husband) too, the guy proposed nd insist they do court marriage 1st b4 the traditional marriage,she became pregnant of a baby boy ,it was a dream com tru for her she was very happi after their fairy tale weddn the husband told her to stop work , 2ndly tok her sim card frm her phone nd destory it nd lastly warnd her 2 stay away rm her friends, reason was dat he dos nt wnt other men to come close. according to my friend she said the guy told her nt to tell his family member includn his mom about anytin concerning their marriage nd how he pland 2 sponsor her Bsc program in a private university. 1 yrs after the marriage den she has givn birth already nd her mum was around for the “omuguo” she said d guys mother nd sis came around for a visit stayed for 3months , in btw dos times they were around they were eger to know every tin , every plan nd if possible the nxt plan concernin d marriage, she said she told d guys mum some tins includn her goin to further her bsc in a private university , she said her mother inlaw flipd out, she said ‘so her son wnt to spend all he has on her abi, nd dat she dos nt wnt him to take care of her (mother) my friend was shock, the sis started misbehaving in d house ,later d sis startd preparin her housband meal, she go to market to buy food stuffs for d house……my friend said it got to a point her sister inlaw started playn her role in d house except for d (sex), she complaind to her husband nd d guy said she is a baby so she nids d help of an aldult (sister) , few months after her inlaws finally went back to the village.later dat year her husband travelld to d village for the chrismas celebratn promise to come back in 2wiks, which he neva did, he stayed there til january endn, she became worried, somtims he dos nt pick her call nd if he answer he wuld insult her nd say some hurtful words to on the phone. one faithful day she said a lady calld her, telln her to leave her hobby alone(which is her husband) becos he has found new luv, my friend quickly calld her mother inlaw to report,d woman said my friend shuld kul her temper down nd dat she cnt stop her son nt do wat pleases him, if he wnts to marry another girl gud for for him, nd if my friend can nt stand it she shuld bring her grand son over to d village nd packout of her martimonial home. the husband came back but its was hell for my friend, d guy stopd eatn her food, beats her chase her out of their matrimonial room, nd stop givn her money for her upkip. she said somtims d guy spits on her nd wuld say he dos know how he had met her talkless of marryn her. she became a trash in d site of husband,even their baby upkip was a big issue. d guy chased her mother out of the house nd insist my friend must go. dat was wen she opend up to me , my elder sis tok her to human right commison (hrc) for them to help her fight, becos she was legally married to him. they invited d guy over for question he ignore the invite, they treatn to arest him if he dos nt honour thier invitaion. he later went to see dem , they askd him why he wnts d wife out of d home, he said he cant stand her site anymore (he hates her wit passion) nd he dos nt luv her anymore. they told him dat hope he knew d impication of wat he is doin according to d law, he said he has told his lawyer to send his divorse letter to her, my friend said she wont sign it becos she dos nt a divorse, thE HRC den said ok dat he has to settle my friend nd make sure he provide finacialy for d upkip of his son nd d wife, rent an apartment for dem nd monthly allowance to d girl, he refused he said he can nt give her anytin more dan N10,000 every month for d upkip his son. dis guy earns N400,000 permonth. after all said nd done he parkd out of thier matriomial home , left my friend nd her (1yr nd 5months old) son wit no dime, he told d landlord of the house to tro her out because d rent of the house had already expired dat time. my frien had to sell some of d stufs in house to go rent a room in where she is stayn now, fr0m 2010 till now d guy, his mother nd his sis neva care to luk for her nd her son. she is wrkn in a mini store payn her son school fees nd takn care of evertin without d help of d husband.

  35. purplelilly

    September 14, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Great that a lot of people advise “the woman should make sure she’s in his will” e.t.c etc… OR we women should take financial independence more seriously. One of my favorite quotes.. “if you do not control your destiny, someone else will” -Jack Welsh

    When you make that decision to be a-stay-at-home-mom, make sure like any other important decision, it is well calculated and all risks have been hedged.

    • miss T

      December 3, 2012 at 12:17 am

      Stay at home mom or not, why should the husband’s property go to parents and siblings when he has a wife and in many cases, even children?

  36. visa nigeria

    October 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Men like Musa are rear. most marriages are on contract basis so somethings are already taken care of. I have seen situations where even though the man left a will, the man’s relatives dealt with the widow.

  37. nigeria visa

    October 15, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    my heart bleeds when i see/hear some shameless inlaws reaping them off of their hard earn money/property. if only the dead could talk….when my father died my mother and i stood like Zuma rock. i only wept in our bedroom and avoided crying in front of my Aunties. two of them came after my mum and i just to get hold of my fathers property by wanting to date/sleep with us.

  38. miss T

    December 3, 2012 at 12:15 am

    What nonsense! I will chase them out with a knife and I won’t be afraid to wield it. This is why my father is not really for us marrying igbo men. He has nothing against them and some of his chummy buddies are igbo. However, he does fear this tradition (he witness a female co-worker with kids go through this). She didn’t want to do them any harm because they were her in-laws (in-law ko, in-law ni). In the end, I think her colleagues were able to step in with uniformed men but they had cleaned out half the property by then. In the end, he knows the daughters he birthed. We won’t stand for rubbish, in-laws or not. If one should ever be too traumatized to act, you can bet the siblings will act for them. I need to remember to keep a gun around lol.

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