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From a Man’s Perspective! Mastering the Art of Rejection

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Think of rejection like a Christmas present. No, not the Christmas present you fantasize about…your actual Christmas present. Rejection starts off as an analysis of what you think might be under the wrapping paper: the person behind the beauty and the flowing dress. Essentially, you want to know what’s on her mind.

Sometimes it’s obvious and it’s a package shaped exactly like the present inside (I mean there are only so many ways in which you can wrap a bicycle) or sometimes it’s a massive box.

Now a massive box could be hiding anything. Perhaps it’s a flat screen TV or perhaps, as I discovered last Christmas, it might be an Amazon gift voucher with A LOT of bubble wrap. An amusing anecdote to deliver later perhaps but not so great if all you really wanted was a flatscreen TV.

A woman is sort of like that. If they’re desperate, they’re the bicycle or if they just happen to have a knack for sending mixed signals, they’re the Amazon gift voucher with lots and lots of bubble wrap.

Now there’s only one way to deal with the disappointment of receiving a misleading and disappointing Christmas present: pretend to be the happiest little chipmunk that ever lived and thank the person for making you wait yet another year for your dreams to come true. It’s not like you spent the last few months excited about what you thought would be the perfect Christmas present or anything like that. No biggie!

The giver can usually tell that you’re disappointed regardless of your Day-Lewis-esque acting capabilities and will look to diffuse the awkwardness of the whole situation as quickly as possible. They could do this in a number of ways. They might offer an explanation as to why this lame present is actually very cool indeed. In the case of women, they might tell you that you’re their best friend and they don’t want to ruin what they have with you and you know all that BS. This is similar to someone explaining to you that although you didn’t get the WWE 2K14 (that’s right…I’m a WWE guy), your brilliant new sweater would come in extremely handy during the winter months.

On the other hand, the giver could always go for the classic “I still have the receipt if you want to exchange it” line. This is similar to a girl telling you that there are many more fish in the sea and, in fact, she could be a wingman of sorts if you needed any help. In this scenario, she’s merely trying to throw you off her tail. Trying to make a compromise if you will.

A compromise is not quite the same though is it? She’s basically saying that she doesn’t care enough about you to give you a nice present but she’ll give you some money to get something else:

Something pretty! Something desperate! Something different! Essentially anything that’s doesn’t involve her.

Half (okay I exaggerate….a quarter at most) of the joy of receiving a Christmas present is knowing that the person who gave you the present actually cares enough about you to make the effort to figure out what you’d really like.

I mean at this point, what’s the point? If you had wanted to ask someone else out you would have done so already. If you had wanted WWE 2K14 so badly, you’d have bought it yourself (I am pre-ordering it as we speak…can’t leave such things to chance). No, what you wanted was the joy of tearing apart the wrapping paper and realising that all of your expectations were fulfilled.

If over the years you get enough bad presents, eventually you condition yourself to not get excited about Christmas at all. Disappointment is a powerful emotion kiddies. Try not to become too skeptical though. In some cases, we really don’t know what we want and sometimes presents are blessings in disguise. That’s probably the best way to look at it really. I’m not entirely convinced this is true but it makes me happy sometimes to think it is. Even if it’s not true, the mystery and the build up is worth it though. I’d rather be someone who feels something and gets nothing than someone who feels nothing and gets a bike.

Photo Credit: udakuspecially.com
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Ayanam Udoma is a poet and blogger who moved to England at 16. He returned to Nigeria after his degree in marketing to participate in the NYSC program. He is now trying to adjust back into the “Naija” lifestyle. He blogs at A-Zone Poetry.

25 Comments

  1. Tolani

    July 24, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    Sigh…unrequited love…

    I am sort of in these shoes right now. There is this guy…we have both admitted that we like each other…a lot. But since then we haven’t spoken about the like, attraction, whatever it is. So I am yet to get my ‘Christmas present’ and I don’t know what to expect. I eagerly await Father Christmas and my verdict. If I leave out some cookies and cream I just may get my preferred present 🙂

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 24, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      As long as the cookies ‘n’ cream are only to encourage Father Christmas to leave something in your stocking, as opposed to letting him run his hands over “your stockings”, you should be okay … you feel me? Yay? Nay?

    • Tolani

      July 25, 2013 at 11:54 pm

      Thanks. I do feel you. All of this has been done at arms length. I’d come out, either way, smelling of roses 🙂

    • Mariaah

      July 24, 2013 at 1:56 pm

      Babes if “cookies and cream” is what I think it is, (forgive my perverted mind) then don’t do it.. The relationship might just be based on that nd that alone. Let him know subtly; make out if you like and can but never go further than that. Make him see your common interests, go out on dates, tell him you are hanging out with a friend to see a movie. If he really likes you bahhd!! He’s going to make up mind and fast!

      Goodluck!!

    • RiskySumthin

      July 25, 2013 at 12:27 am

      If na shy guy. Then just ask him to the movies or dinner or something. Feel free to take the lead, most shy guys won’t mind. If na confident/arrogant guy then bone him for like 2 months, don’t even return his calls but you can send him those I’ll call you back txt messages. After 2 months call him, apologize if you have to, then invite him to like a nice dinner or something like that.
      On the other hand, if you just want some sexual healing then you should find a way to end up at the guy’s house at night or vice versa and just let nature do what it do.

    • RiskySumthin

      July 25, 2013 at 12:31 am

      Disclaimer: I be hetero guy. I have zero experience when it comes to wooing guys.

    • Tolani

      July 25, 2013 at 1:15 pm

      Oops! I meant to say ‘cookies and milk’ and just that. I said that with the purest of hearts. Nothing sexual; it just complicates everything…

  2. Hian!

    July 24, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    huhn….:s

  3. iyabo

    July 24, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    you’ve had a discussion, that’s enough. don’t leave any cookie or cream, talk less of both. if he’s into you, he’ll come get you. if he’s not, keep stepping. don’t look back.

  4. Ikwikwi

    July 24, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    Dear Rejection- my most recent dilema! In my case my somewhat perfectly wrapped beautiful gift diffused into thin air… One minute we’re talking few times a day over a month and planning visits (we live a flight and a drive away frm each other) and the next minute I’m wondering why d fone stopped ringing even afta a few tries….I have asked myself every possible question…why? how come? what changed? and so on- It didn’t help that I’d also lost a job opportunity I’d come close enough to getting- in the same space of time… Afta another month I’ve literally had to clean my slates n move on; still working on d getting him outta my tots bit.

    That closing line “…I’d rather be someone who feels something and gets nothing than someone who feels nothing and gets a bike…” sums up my present state of mind… after d flinch I gorra stay open and receptive to better gifts to come; and I believe they will come. This hope is all d fuel I’ve got to go on. xoxo!

    • Msunderstood

      July 24, 2013 at 9:40 pm

      If feel u. If it’s meant to be, he will come back. If not, just move on. It may take sometime but u will get over him.

  5. ejikebigdick

    July 24, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    “I’d rather be someone who feels something and gets nothing than someone who feels nothing and gets a bike” these gat me thinking very hard, I still don’t get close to understanding it tho

    • jinkelele

      July 24, 2013 at 10:32 pm

      translation is – better to have lived and loved rather than not to have loved at all

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 25, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      I love your translation. That has been my relationship motto until date, although, I sometimes wonder…

  6. Thatgidigirl

    July 24, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    I feel like joey in “friends”….clueless! Like my elder ones r having an adult discussion n coding me; Christmas present, cookies n cream, santa etc 🙁 stop it all of you and speak english!

    • Ikwikwi

      July 25, 2013 at 11:38 am

      hahahahahahaahahahahahahaaaaa…..u made my morning! Nne which part do u want us to clue u in on… xoxo!

    • Berry Dakara

      July 25, 2013 at 2:32 pm

      LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

  7. RiskySumthin

    July 25, 2013 at 12:02 am

    This doesn’t sound like a man’s perspective. By the time you go on 2 dates with a girl you should know everything you need to know. All this waiting to unwrap present is beyond me.

  8. Interested Chica!!

    July 25, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Please, I need HEELLPPPP!!!—Is it ok to ask a shy guy out on a date or should I just wait and believe that if he really likes me, he’ll come after me? Coz he’s painfully shy!

    • Ikwikwi

      July 25, 2013 at 11:40 am

      If I were in ur shoes and I’m close/comfortable enough with the person, and sure its just shyness n not that he’s disinterested- then I’ll take my chance and ask or just suggest stuff we can do together which he already likes doing so it wont seem too formal like strange first dates. Enjoy.

  9. Aderonke

    July 25, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    [email protected] Feel u dear.
    But basically i think wat d odas are saying is SEX-for Cookies & Cream (Hint-watch movie by Steve Harvey- “Thnak Like a Man), Father Xmas-A special and expectant gift from someone you love like asking u to be his girlfriend etc. I hope i guessed right thou.
    @Interested Chica- I think there is nothing wrong in expressing one’s feeling to the other party regardless of the gender. If you guys are pretty matured and appreciate your friendship, u should but study the moment, scenario, mood, his person (some girls like expressive girls and will love u more for it, while some like been d hunter) and of cos most importantly be sure of ur own feelings before you spell it out. If he or she feels same way den u can take it a step higher and if it’s just one sided the earlier u know the better for you to move on! It doesn’t kill. It helps you to channel your feelings to the right person and save u the headache.
    Pls pls pls never wait for months or years or trying to be hard to get, hmmm dearest sis if u like him let him know and if u r not sure den u can take ur time to be sure but don’t be unnecessary hard, ONE MAN IS NOT JUST FOR ONE WOMAN, “The bible says “HE” that “finds” A WIFE finds a god thing,……. finding takes searching and God didnt say until James finds Ruths before he marries o, Rebecca can come along the way and also be a good thing/wife! Shine ur eyes sisters and another girl may be at his office waiting to get that moment you have and use it well. Remember like football is not about who plays well is about who scores and the team with the highest goals wins. Lay it straight on the table stop hanging around a guy for years waiting for him to pop the question while u cater for him both emotionally and physically hmmm before u open ur eyes ur 5yrs will be snatched by a girl he met just 5months ago and he is ready to tie the knot with her after all ur had labour wat do u get? “I am sorry but I thought i love you but I only care for u like a friend and i really do not want to hurt u, or loose our friendship, can we still be friends?
    If you don’t want that been said to u “Lay it all out and let him know but do it like a lady and not a desperado!
    I have tried it and it worked for me just sharing my experience sorry for the long epistle……no one way to great relationships we learn everyday!
    My 10cent! pray it works for u too

  10. Aderonke

    July 25, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    The hint movie is “Think like a man”. pardon me pls

  11. Nora

    July 27, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Very helpful

  12. ME

    July 29, 2013 at 1:47 am

    Very inspirational. Though I think it’s important to add that this doesn’t apply to selfish men who knowingly drive their women away. That, is completely their bad.

  13. justsaying

    August 22, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    “I’d rather be someone who feels something and gets nothing than someone who feels nothing and gets a bike…” hmmm i must confess i dont agree with dat not after the heartbreak i went thru over 2 yrs back which am still trying to recover frm. i dont ever want to feel dat way EVER again not that i dont believe in luv or want to fall in luv again but if it means getting burnt then hell no!! i dont plan on giving my heart to anyone again until “he” is my husband.

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