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Georgette Monnou: Age is Nothing But a Number

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I have asked myself this time and time again. Does the age of your partner really matter? I used to think that it didn’t matter and that at the end of the day what matters is love. However, a friend of mine told me a little story.

She asked, “How would you feel if friends and family keep whispering that he is too old for you or you are too young for him. One friend in particular said to me, “What is a man that old, looking for in a young girl like you.” My stubborn nature precluded me from giving in. I insisted that it didn’t matter, we were happy and we loved each other. However, the age gap did start to matter, not just to our families but to me. He wanted kids in five years and that was not something I could not see in my foreseeable future. I love kids don’t get me wrong, but I am still young, I hadn’t even lived life properly. I was and still am discovering myself: my likes and dislikes, my moods, my interests. He enjoyed my company, was dazzled by the fact that I was more mature than girls my age. We could talk about current affairs, have serious conversations about life, how we wanted to raise kids. I liked the fact that he was mature, a lot more mature than most guys my age. But at the end of the day who knows what was really on his mind. He ended up showing his true colours and didn’t speak about us committing fully to ourselves because he had a lot on his plate; typical guy. Then months later he came back to tell me that he made a mistake and he wanted me back. That time apart however, allowed me to think. We were in different places. Our life plans didn’t add up. He wanted kids soon and I didn’t, although I was looking for a serious relationship, thinking about kids and all that was too much for me to bear.

Analysing her story one could argue that she should have given him a chance, after all they were compatible, and she would have probably changed her mind later on about when she wanted kids, or he could have waited until she was ready. But the age difference and the stages in life that they were both at didn’t marry. Conversely, one could also argue that they could have worked if they both had similar life goals. If he didn’t want to get married for another five years, and then have kids in another three, that would have given her time to assert herself. Ultimately concluding that age is nothing but a number, it all depends on the circumstances that people find themselves in.

I know many girls have stated that they would never date a guy younger than them, but what if that guy was mature and sensible. Yes, he liked to smoke shisha and yes, he loved playing video games, but don’t most men? He had a decent character and so far has proved to be a wonderful guy. Would you not give him a chance just because he was younger? Although Aston Kutcher and Demi Moore did not work out, how many celebrity marriages ever do? Contrastingly, thus far, Dare art Alade seems to be happily married; he seems to make it work, so why shouldn’t you?
I guess what I am trying to get at, is that there are always exceptions to the rule. Do not allow yourself to miss a great opportunity just because society tells you that life, love and everything in between has to be a certain way.

Keep your options open: live, love, laugh.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Georgette Monnou was born in Lagos, Nigeria and has lived in various countries since then. She is in the final year of her Law degree in the UK. She updates her two blogs regularly, which are inspired by her passion for Nigeria and life itself.http://theunspokenwords93.blogspot.co.uk/ and http://wordsanddesigns.wordpress.com/.

Georgie is a Creative Enthusiast who spends a lot of her time involved in various creative projects. To see more of her work, check out her new blogisite – www.realtalkwithgeorgie.com Once you click on the link, you will join the league of stars that have exclusive access to Georgie through her articles, photos, poems and more.

48 Comments

  1. U.B.I

    November 26, 2013 at 11:23 am

    word,nice write up

  2. lorenz

    November 26, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Nice write-up. I also believe age doesn’t matter- but only to an extent. Everyone has an age ceiling.

  3. Berry

    November 26, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Wouldn’t mind dating a younger guy provided he doesn’t pass for my younger brother…lol 🙂

    • Chic

      November 26, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      or worse child lol! I always say I can’t date someone that I could have given birth to as in if I was a teen mum

  4. lorenz

    November 26, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Alot of factors may come into play in the future, such as sex (due to changes in hormonal levels of both parties) e.t.c. For a fling it most certainly wouldn’t matter, for marriage ; I believe most people have a limit. For me its a + or – 6.

  5. myra

    November 26, 2013 at 11:38 am

    so agree with this one! Age is all in peoples minds and like u said just a number. One thing i know, aint missing my opportunity!

  6. anonymous

    November 26, 2013 at 11:50 am

    i once dated a guy who was 20 years older than me and it was or seems perfect,i wanna settle down,he wants to as well.but the thing about this older guys is they really do have a lot on their plate and dot have much time to be mushy mushy and for him not to be married at that age, he doesn’t just have the time to get married,probably if i had gotten pregnant,lovely,but proper commitment,naaaa. thats different from the divorcees or widows i believe,probably I’m an exception to the rule,just my opinion but its easier with guys who r just few years older than u because they are doing what their mates are doin per time.

  7. mouth mouth

    November 26, 2013 at 11:57 am

    ask God for a partner or husband period

  8. iConcur!

    November 26, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    I cant date a guy younger. Women age faster and child bearing accelerates that process. I dont want to look like his aunt or big sis after a few years so I’ll pass on that one. However, I have always attracted older guys. Iv gone as far as 20 years older and the lowest I have gone is 3 years older than me (which dint last cos he was so immature). I have never considered dating a younger person although I have been attracted to a few of them. Having said that… It depends on what works for you. I’m very matured, very focused, i know what I want, so most guys my age or close are intimidated and I cant handle the drama. I’ll take an older guy any day. Downsides though are… you might not get all the mushy spontaneous things that younger guys do and you’ll need to be ready to settle down ASAP cos most of them are at the stage where its all about getting a life partner. Somethings you find attractive, they might not like, and all your PMSing and mood swings can be difficult to handle. Besides that its pretty cool.

    PS – NO MARRIED MEN though. That’s an absolute NO!

    • mp

      November 26, 2013 at 8:33 pm

      absolutely right. you just spoke my mind

  9. lexy

    November 26, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    I actually prefer older men. The maturity is a plus for me.

  10. Grace E

    November 26, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    LOL age doesnt matter but only to some extent like Lorenz said..I have friends who are married to much older guys and it is working out for them…but here’s the thing…with one of them, when we’re together and we all chatting and her husband talks about something that happened in his time, he’d turn to his wife and say “honey, don’t worry you weren’t born then” “oh you two weren’t even conceived at that time” LOL…
    I do want someone I can grow old with tho…not the one that by the time we get back from honeymoon, he is bedfast…I cant get with a man that’s almost my father’s age..id see him as a father figure and not a MATE or Partner…on the other hand, i cant also get with someone MUCH YOUNGER than I am..Im not tryna cradle rock either !!it works for people and I don’t begrudge them…I admire it BUT…thats just MY PERSONAL OPINION….

  11. St. ed

    November 26, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Ok.

    • Ready

      November 26, 2013 at 2:55 pm

      This person…you just reminded me of those really annoying people who just write ‘ok’ after I’ve written 5 lines of funny or important stuff. You know you didn’t have to write a thing, yeah? I imagine you’d just do another “Ok.”

    • Chika

      November 28, 2013 at 8:36 pm

      Ok.

  12. Chic

    November 26, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    One of my very good older friends who is like an older sister to me and her husband are in their early forties born in 1970 her husbands facebook update yesterday was about how excited he was and could not wait for Friday to come so he could get the Playstation 4. This is a very responsible family man who takes good care of his family and puts their needs before his everytime I think of husband material I think of him but he is still a kid at heart so I agree age is nothing but a number. When it comes to a life partner I would consider level of maturity over age although the age difference would be of a concern too. Some age differences are just ridiculous like a 30 year old marrying a 75 year old those two are generations apart and probably don’t have much in common other than sex.

    • Kapelo

      November 27, 2013 at 3:43 am

      This is a very ignorant point of view. What does playing video games have to do with maturity? A lot of prominent guys play video games regardless of age and it doesn’t stop them from being a dad or carrying out their responsibilities. Associating immaturity with video games is simply wrong. Besides studies show that playing video games enhances critical thinking and responsiveness. Well na you sabi sha

    • slice

      November 27, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      huh? that’s the same thing she said.

  13. AA

    November 26, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Its not the age that matters but where the couple are in
    life. For the marriage to work, they BOTH have to be at the same
    point in life at the same time. There are many mature 20 year old
    girls and I have met many immature 45 year old men. What matters is
    what each partner wants. What happens a lot in Africa is that the
    woman tends to sacrifice her wants for the man. That eventually
    leads to problems in the future. Its all about being at the right
    place at the right time. Just my opinion

  14. ademi

    November 26, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Oh finally a post that has to do with me..clocked 40 this year and celebrated my 18th year wedding anniversary to my rock…I’ll say it’s a Nigeria thing the whole concept of your husband being older lets just say the “cougar” blood runs in my family. I didn’t know until my own situation came up that my mum was 2 years older than my dad..My husband is actually 3 years older than me but way matured I must admit..it’s been fun and roller coaster moments..I think it has to do with you, your mindset can both of you make it work? Of course his family members will have something but I know if he truly loves you, his family will have to fake the love till they make it…

  15. tobee

    November 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Can’t marry a man I’m older dan.I rilly dnt thnk so.but then ve gone out wth a guy thats far older dan I am who isn’t so sensible nd doesn’t knw wat he wants.while ve also gone out wth 1 who is just a few yrs older nd was better off. It al depends on their nature nd personality fr me to choose if is just a few yrs older or far older. But younger? NO!

  16. ademi

    November 26, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    *15th wedding anniversary
    18 years together sorry about the mixup

  17. CarliforniaBawlar

    November 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Stella gave us all hope!!!…..’Cause I sure will get my groove back if my husband decides to become trifling.. 😀

  18. Mrs Dangote (nee Anonymous)

    November 26, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I dated a guy four years younger. He was quite mature. In addition, I look about 5 years younger than I am so I guess that helped.

    Personally age (plus/minus) isn’t a barrier as long as we’re both on the same page 80% of the time.

  19. tobee

    November 26, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    @ chick,so you thnk becos dat man can’t wait to buy playstation 4,he is young at heart? It al depends on wat makes him happy,do you care to know dat it could be does inconsequential things dat has made their marriage work over d yrs while each partner were able to respect each odas wishes,differences nd values. Well,mite even be good fr men to be young @ heart cos dat makes their life simpler!

    • Chic

      November 26, 2013 at 5:46 pm

      Did you even read my comment? Well let me clarify most people especially in Africa would associate PlayStation with teens and early twenties and here is a guy in his forties who is still an avid playstation fan that was the point I was trying to get across he is still a kid at heart this is someone I know very well and with his spirit energy and zest for doing fun things our African parents would consider to be for kids and not adults which he is. He and his wife are very much alike they are both young at heart and do things that I last saw my parents do when I was maybe 7 0r 8 you get it and considering when they got married that would have put them at 30/31 years of age.

  20. The Real Madam the Madam

    November 26, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I can date a guy 1-3 years younger provided he’s mature. As per older guys, my max is 8 years and even that is a stretch.

  21. Grace E

    November 26, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    and another thing i realised is that maturity has nothing to do with age…ive seen older guys who are so immature and younger guys who are soo mature…and ive also seen guys in my age group who are immature and guys older who are mature…

  22. Leah

    November 26, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    Good, but I am not dating a man younger than I am. Just me.

  23. Hadassah

    November 26, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    I will date a guy at most three years younger than me, provided he would pass as my age mate or older. I am normally very attracted to older men. There is something about graceful aging that looks so sexy. E.g RMD. I have only dated my age mate once in my life and that was my first year in UB. It was a disaster!! Very very immature guy. The best and longest relationship I’ve ever had was with a guy 10yrs older than me. I think I could date/marry someone up to 15yrs older.

  24. Donthavetimeforrubbish.

    November 26, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    Allow me to go the other way a bit, I will confess, a while ago i used to tell myself that I could never date a woman that was older than me, this wasn’t until I met one babe(2yrs my senior) during my youth service who turned my heart and world upside down. This babe didn’t give me stress, was very caring, was extremely loving, she was a dream.. unlike the other babes I met who were just noisemakers…but my “African man” mentality then, didn’t allow me see beyond the 2 year age difference. A close friend of mine is married to a chick older than him, and he is the happiest guy I know, so please this age difference thing is in the mind, as long as the gap in age is not the outrageous type. Go for it.

    • Grace E

      November 27, 2013 at 2:58 pm

      you make a lot of sense!!!!

    • imaginarychic

      December 1, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      Is this babe a medical doctor?

    • Donthavetimeforrubbish.

      December 3, 2013 at 11:15 am

      hahhaaa…no, she is actually an economist, heck.. I wouldn’t mind her being a medical doctor:)

    • jamin

      January 8, 2014 at 11:31 am

      I sincerely agree with you ….the whole African thing comes from the old mentality that our fore fathers introduced us to,where the woman has to be 15yrs younger than the man so as to let her respect him more worship him and tremble in front of him……as for me she ain’t gonna be older than me but can be my age mate. my opinion.

  25. Hmmm

    November 27, 2013 at 5:40 am

    My bf and soon to be hubby is 2 years younger than me. I did not know this at first cuz he lied to me about his age well he confessed a few months later but it was too late i was already in too deep and he begged me endlessly, because i dont date younger guys. Tbh he looks soooooo much older than me & i look so muh younger than my age. He told his parents he lied to me they told him off but accepted our relationship & he told me he lied because he knew i wouldnt give him the time of day lol. Well i am glad he lied because he is the best thing sliced bread. He treats me like a queen although i have a black belt in hustling. We will be getting married soon & our baby is on the way. He is soooooo muture i dont remember our age diff i only remember it in writeups like this. The age diff is a secret me, him, his fam & my fam are taking to our grave!

  26. AJ

    November 27, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Im four years older than my hubby but we are the happiest couple ever and he’s the best thing dat ever happened to me we ve been married for 6yrs and we ve two kids together in de beginning i wasn’t interested but he wouldn’t give up according to him it was me or no one else eventually I fell in love him and i ve never regretted only a few friends and our family who knows about it @ first my family wont hear of it but after meeting him they forgot all about the age. He is the love of my life he is caring matured an amazing husband and father above all he is crazy in love with me wat more can i ask for in a husband. The few friends dat knew about it and advised me not to now wish to be in my shoes.
    PS: Our friends who dont know wont even believe it when we tell them lol

  27. Annie

    November 27, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Age is but a number, but what would u say abt being with a guy abt 5 years younger than your mum? and lets say abt 20yrs older than you? abeg i no fit do, i ve tried but the age thing wont just work. the question in my hrt is, why isn’t married, u say u are abt 50 and ve never been married, i say u might be hiding plenty…

  28. age is nothing really

    November 27, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    I will be getting married to the man of my dreams in a few months and am 4 years older than him,we started out as friends with no intention to date,I even had a boyfriend when i met him. my ex left me some months later and we started dating 8 months after we met,he confessed that he was a bit reluctant about telling his family my real age. His dad did not mind,his mum and sisters did have a lot to say,though he wisely never told me details of all they said.As they got to know me though,we bonded and now they love me as much as i love them. All mariages,will have challenges,its how you handle it that counts not age. age does not equate wisdom or maturity.we are both prepared to totally enjoy our lives together and age is really nothing o,or if you think it is,ask yourself why it matters,therein may lie your answer.

  29. Evans

    November 27, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    As for me i relate better with men within my age bracket, the oldest i’ve ever done was 7 years older and i found him very boring, worse of all was that he still depended on me to think for him. I am a very playful person and don’t like people being more serious than they ought to be, my hubby and i chase after each other in the house, we pillow fight and play alot like teenagers but the most interesting part is that he is damn too mature , very decisive and super intelligent for his age. BTW he is 2 years older than moi.

  30. not perfectly perfect

    November 27, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    well in a relationship wit a guy that is 13yrs older than me ……..nd am loving every bit of it……tho wen I told my frnds bout it all they said was ”na wah 4 u ohhh…..u get mind ohhhh”bur me I no send ohhh….lol…..my point is dating a guy older is more acceptable than vise versa. ..

  31. Slimgirl

    November 28, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    I am currently engaged to a guy a year younger than me. And
    i must say, he is amazing. We have been together for 2 and a half
    years, with our ups and downs, but he treats me right and i have to
    remind myself at times that he is actually younger than me. Age is
    not maturity. The important thing is to find that person that makes
    you happy, gives you peace and loves you wholeheartedly.

  32. Prime babe

    November 29, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    I dated a guy who is a year and half younger and everything
    seemed like it was the “IT”. At the point of informing his family
    the introduction date my family had picked (he had asked my parents
    for my hand formally), he decided “love wasnt enough” after almost
    two years of being together. Do I regret it? Not any more…..after
    all I learned a great lesson and totally at peace with myself.
    Would I do it again? Maybe but i will shine my eyes
    better.

  33. rootwoo.com

    November 30, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    Age is number, bt it depends on the individual involvd esp ladies. Some ladies have this “i am a boss too” xter. Marrying this kind of lady that is older than you might spell doom. Y some older guys with younger wives tend not to blend with d new trend.

  34. lanray

    December 1, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    Hmmmm age has absolutely nothing to do with a good relationship….u can be married to a guy that is way older than you and trust me wont show any sign of maturity…..am a good example of dat….have bin married for three years now to a man that is 10 years older than me yet no.sign of maturity or talk less of happiness in the relationship…I sincerely want to end the relationship but my parents wont just let me…

  35. Ohgey

    December 2, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Hmmm.. this speaks to me. Recently met this guy, 10 years older than me.. I really like him, his company and calm disposition. I just worry about the age gap.. I wouldn’t ever want to be the “little girl” in his eyes. He has been straightforward about his intentions, but for me, I just dey siddon look.

    OMA

  36. The Mane captain (healthy hair & skin tips)

    December 2, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    age matters to me. I don’t want to marry someone as old as my uncle that i’d be so afraid to talk to him properly
    themanecaptain.blogspot.ca

  37. tecolicious

    December 28, 2013 at 10:27 am

    as for me,age is the number 1 thing i consider before starting a relationship. biko i would love my man to be 10 to 15 years older than me,shikena. I wonder what people really like about all these tom and jerry relationships..**winks**

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