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BN Prose: Broken By Elohor Omonemu

Elohor Omonemu

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I knew this day would come. It’d been a long time coming. I saw it as clear as the sun in the blue skies, but I had chosen to turn a blind eye. I refused to acknowledge what was in front of me…staring me in the face. Not sure when it all began really, but the signs had been there. I’d ignored it for so long, the lines between my reality and make believe world had blended nicely. I was wrapped in a cocoon of falsehood choosing to lay there content, afraid of being a butterfly and flying away. I was afraid my wings would be too fragile to carry me away from this nightmare that had become my life.

I realised a little too late that he had always been this way even when we just met. Mean, abusive and demanding, but oh so subtly. Loving with one hand and killing with the other. Bode, my lover, my enemy.

I hated him. I hated that I loved him so. I hated what he did to me.

His charm had swept me off my feet; I was enamoured, held captive by his sweet words and boyish charms. Those eyes that made me drown in their depths and his sense of humour. For a very long time I lived in a bubble, a fantasy, Bode could do no wrong in my eyes. Apparently, other people saw what I couldn’t see and told me to be careful. I looked at some of them like they were crazy and the others like they had pure undiluted envy flowing through their veins. I’d found happiness and they weren’t happy for me. Bode! Bode?

How could I have known? I was young and naïve. He was a bit older, I didn’t mind. It just made him more attractive to me. Elegant and suave, I was proud to tell anyone who would have cared to listen just how perfect he was.

At first it was the temper tantrums and unnecessary demands. It seemed odd to me, Bode didn’t get angry or did he? I lied to myself. I’d lied to myself for a long time; I couldn’t separate truth from lie anymore. I told myself it was the pressure at work making him act that way, then came the verbal abuses, I was called all kinds of names, mean nasty names, I’d break down in tears and he’d come cooing sweet nothings about how sorry he was. It was a bitter-sweet love-hate relationship. And then he changed.

He became the Bode I knew once again, charming and loving. This went on just for a short while until the something I must have done obviously flipped the switch again. Or so he said. The first slap came not quite too long after, and things just spiraled out of control. I was still in denial, praying and hoping that the Bode I knew would surface. I didn’t recognize this monster. No, this wasn’t my Bode.

It wasn’t until I was it the hospital, treating multiple bruises and a fractured collar bone , having undergone minor surgery to right a tooth that had twisted unnaturally did the scales fall from my eyes. I woke up to see my friend looking down at me with tears in her eyes, thanking God that I didn’t die, begging me to never go back to him, it was a good thing we weren’t married.

She didn’t need to. My mind was made up, I’d lost my faith somewhere along the line, forgotten what it was like to pray. I was broken on the inside as much as on the outside. Pain had become my friend; I welcomed it with both arms wide open. I was lucky to be alive. I shut my eyes and for the first time in a long while I muttered a word of prayer, I wondered if God heard me. I pray he did; at this point all I needed was a miracle.

Writer’s Note: So many women today face abuse from their spouses, both verbal and physical. Some don’t even realise that they are being abused. Some do and have just refused to do anything about it. Take action today and pull out of that relationship before it is too late.

Photo Credit: thegrio.com
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Elohor Omonemu is a blogger, major introvert, absolutely crazy about fashion, speaks two languages; English and sarcasm and volunteers with Slum2Schol.She blogs at : www.elohoromonemu.wordpress.com Follow her on Twitter: @Mz_fabulousity

Elohor Omonemu has a day job as a Human Resource and Business Operations Manager, but outside of work, she is a creative mind who loves trying out new stuff. She is adventurous, loves travel, a coffee addict some might say and loves Jesus. She is on Instagram @el.ohor and Twitter @elohor_om, and used to blog at elohoromonemu.wordpress.com

21 Comments

  1. buky

    February 25, 2014 at 8:39 am

    We women shouldn’t wait till they disfigure our body and scar our soul before we make up our minds. I’m a lady, I’m human, I’m not anyone’s punching bag.

  2. ivy

    February 25, 2014 at 8:59 am

    am a victim, i can tell hw hurt and bitter that can turn one to. my advice flee frm such relationship or else one is designing her doom

  3. iyke

    February 25, 2014 at 9:20 am

    Friends, I don’t want to give the impression I need to defend abusive relationships.This has become an over flogged topic. Are people still falling for this?
    This is not the time to throw the pity party. No way should YOU be prepared to leave life to fate… Fate has it’s agenda and so do YOU…and it is about YOUR agenda til further notice…lol!
    So get busy people…Being in an abusive relationship is your choice. You knew it yet went in. Life ain’t waiting for you to decide you’re living it… Catchup or be left behind…those are the options!

    • whocares

      February 25, 2014 at 10:26 am

      over flogged may not be the right word, but I get where you are coming from. In as much as it angers me when men abuse women, it frustrates me that the women do not leave. My friend told me about another friend who was abused by her boyfriend when she was in college. The girl was not 18 yet but she had to deal with beatings from a boy that was not even a man yet, not yet 18 either, not doing any of the Three F’s for her (feeding, fecking or financing; not that it is a justification for abuse, but I am trying to point out how pathetic this situation was) yet she let him abuse her.. going back to her parent’s house with bruises (both physical and non physical) She eventually left him Thank God.. In as much as it may frustrate us, some people simply do not have the courage, strength or the confidence to leave and that is sadder still. So whilst I am a fan of tough love, I don’t know if it works in these situations because a woman that is getting abused knows and has to put up with it.. she doesn’t need recriminations from people, only support (and not a stay with him type of support either). But help in building up herself, her confidence and getting the strength to take the first step away. It is hard believe me because even the strongest of women, when a person hurts you in that way, it takes away something from you. I think my mother is an amazon and when she went through this with my step father, she was able to stand up for herself, but only because she is who she is. She has a strength and confidence that she has built for herself, but even that was shaken.. This is all sad (I am writing this epistle after seeing the model’s picture .. terrible times)

    • Spy

      February 25, 2014 at 11:17 am

      We know it’s a choice, they need the advice anyway. So let them be. If you don’t need it, they do.

  4. Grown Woman

    February 25, 2014 at 9:55 am

    Chei this is bad….One of the early signs to observe from abusive partners in a rship is their tone of voice, if someone has to scream and shout so as to get his point across then you should give your self the greenlight.We women sometimes tolerate this and when things get worse, thats when reality checks in.God forbid i never have to come across such a man.Also remember you can survive without that man , just ask yourself how you were surviving without his existance before.Say no to DV

  5. memebaby

    February 25, 2014 at 10:34 am

    sad stuff..I just saw a pretty girl’s picture on instagram (instagram.com/p/k02aryCGpl/ ) of her seriously bruised self. thanks to the animal she dated for 8 months. JUST 8 MONTHS!.. I pray to God that my sisters and I never get into an abusive relationship. I don’t even know how I will react. hmm Lord God. Ladies, please be wise and leave when you know things are not normal. I hear some ladies enjoy being beaten because according to them it shows that he truly cares lol that’s sick.

  6. mia

    February 25, 2014 at 10:39 am

    exactly @grown woman, you can survive without a man!

  7. @edDREAMZ

    February 25, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Ladies tends to fall for men that are rude even knwing fully well that they might be affected negatively in the hands of such men…
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN THE SUN***

    • Spy

      February 25, 2014 at 11:19 am

      You be snake? This your currently in the sun sometin haf taya mi.

  8. Tru

    February 25, 2014 at 11:41 am

    I once got pursued by a supposedly groomed gentleman. But, thanks to tales like these, i spotted the signs. First, he stalked me to discover where I worked. Second, he categorically informed (at our first meeting, no less) that i was his and even if i was in a relationship (I wasn’t) I must leave the guy. Third, after agreeing to go out on a date, he would smack my wrist or knee if I had a different opinion. Not a gentle pat o, a real, painful SMACK! Needless to say, the guy has never seen my brake lights till this day. I’d rather remain an anonymous, faithful follower of BellaNaija than havemy own tale of woe added to the list!

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      February 25, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      looooooooooooool!’I’d rather remain an anonymous, faithful follower of BellaNaija than havemy own tale of woe added to the list!’ I feel you my dear.

    • oj

      February 25, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      wise woman. tell them o!

  9. X- Factor

    February 25, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Please indulge my stupidity here? just something I have heard over again and never ceases to amaze me ….Talk about ladies saying they fell in love with a man’s sense of humor?????…… I am not judging, but i just think it shouldn’t really be a yardstick per se…..I agree my opinion may be wrong though….

  10. Mee

    February 25, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    .. bet this writer knows me!did you just betray me by telling my story?

  11. Teni

    February 25, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    My mum, God rest her soul, was a victim and she endured it for the sake of her children. She was, and still is in my mind, a very beautiful woman,body and soul but she had a husband who abused her emotionally, verbally and physically,maybe not to the point of that model sha,but yes Physically (it stopped when we the children were old enough to tell him to stop). I grew up not wanting to marry cos i was very scared. I excused my mum cos she was married, and she was thinking of us her kids but for a single lady,even if you are 40 and unmarried, its not an option. Run, Run very far and don’t look back

  12. Dr. N

    February 25, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Ladies n men who endure this are emotionally handicapped. They don’t have the strength. That is why we keep talking abt it. Each believes his or her case is different. Until a fatality. Awareness will enable them seek help. drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  13. frances

    February 26, 2014 at 7:07 am

    thank God she found herself.
    this domestic violence thing is heart breaking-pls, at the hint of any threat of violence at all, lets carry ourselves, leave pam slippers if need be and RUN.its heartbreaking to hear these stories, we deserve better..
    I wrote on this and said a prayer for all victims on my blog too, God help us all.

    imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  14. feyi

    February 27, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Best write up so far….it made me drop a tear..

  15. Kimmy

    February 27, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Imagine a lady complaining about her man always beating her and yet she does not want to leave cos of his sexual prowess

  16. haardey22

    March 6, 2014 at 4:20 am

    nice write up elle, i still do not understand why someone will stay in an abusive relationship whether verbally or physically , some say its because of love and i ask do you even the meaning of love? for you to love someone you must love yourself first and if you do you wont condone any act of abuse. asides thAt love is patient, love is kind, love does not hurt nor suffer any wrong. too many people recently have lost their lives from one physical abuse or the other, please if you or anyone you know is in any abusive relationship its not worth it kindly leave and seek help.

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