A while ago, some friends and I were talking about breakups and the ingenious ways they managed to get rid of their girlfriends at different points in time and the topic was quite interesting to say the least. I’m sure every guy has been in a situation where they are trying to sever ties with a particular female and they’re not entirely sure how to go about it.
A lot of guys will agree with me when I say that there have been some situations when you couldn’t break up with a chick and you just started behaving like a d**k until she got the message and did the breaking up. I think it takes a lot of courage to break up with a woman and sometimes you don’t want to go through the stress of spelling it out.
It also gives the woman the bragging rights that she broke up with you, which I think is win/win. There is also the advantage that since you didn’t call it off officially you guys can still hookup for a while before she breaks it off.
Please note that the views and opinions expressed hereunder are not mine but from independent third parties – purely for research purposes.
Pick A Fight
Wake up one morning and be at knife’s edge all day. Remember, you’re just waiting for the littlest mistake to pounce upon. Blow it out of proportion and when I say blow it out, I mean nuclear proportions. Pick on anything, especially the things you like most about her, or you can just accuse her of flirting if she so much as looks at another male. Get really angry and mutter “I don’t think this is working” under your breath. If she doesn’t respond, say it louder, then storm out and go have some beers with your mates and make sure you ignore all her attempts to get in touch with you.
Make Up A Spiritual/Diabolical Connection
“My Pastor/Imam saw a vision and he said that we shouldn’t see each other anymore” is a classic. You can also become a born again and tell her you have to break up because y’all have had sex before. For maximum effect you can substitute the “Pastor/Imam” for “Native Doctor”. On this side of the globe people believe a lot in all these spiritual stuff and it has proven to be quite effective from my research and opinion poll.
Get One of Your Side Pieces to Harass Her
You can get her “called out” on Twitter and make sure the matter trends for a bit. Get your Twitter buddies to cyber bully her hopefully she’ll be mad enough to see you for the rat that you are and stay away.
Sleep With Her Close Friend or Family
One thing I have noticed about girls is that if your girlfriend gushes to her friends and family about how wonderful you are, chances are there is at least one scheming friend or relative that wants to sample your goodies. It’s now up to you to find out who that covetous female is and take her down. For added effect, get her pregnant.Make sure you take a lot of documentary evidence as it will come in handy during your breakup.
Give Her an STD
This a bit extreme but you can pull it off if by contracting some minor STD, nothing major…nothing a little penicillin wouldn’t fix, then transmit it to her at your earliest convenience. Make a fuss and yell at her for sleeping around and infecting you, call her some colorful names for full effect. If she’s cheating, she’ll probably be too embarrassed to make any fuss and she will leave you alone. If she isn’t, well…tough luck.
Get into the Witness Protection Program
Change your address, change your phone number, change your identity, grow a beard, disappear. Think about it, You may lose everything but at least you’ll be rid of her…and you’ll have a very cool beard.
Guys, did I miss out on anyone? Let me know your thoughts.
Photo Credit: soultrain.com