Omo Remilekun: To My Mother on Valentine’s Day

A few days ago, I read Kenneth Onuh’s piece, “A Mother’s Love – Pure and Endless” on BellaNaija. {Click here to read} It came at the very same time I was considering writing a (hopefully cathartic) piece about my mother too. You see, her birthday is February 14. So I’m here to say Happy Birthday; but I’m also really here to say I’m sorry.
Mummy I’m sorry you got married earlier than you would have preferred and that you had your first child at age 20, when your age mates were still enjoying the engaging freedom of singlehood.

I’m sorry you had your three kids in quick succession which must have made the burden even more significant.
I’m sorry that you had to choose between chasing your career aspirations and being there for me, your only daughter to notice and act on my years of sexual abuse by your own brother and a string of house-helps which lasted from when I turned five till I turned nine.

I’m sorry about your palpable and vocal disappointment during my teenage years in which I was quite the unattractive tomboy with severe acne and a markedly underdeveloped body; when you would have liked me to be more like you, curvy, stunning, fashionable, sociable and popular.

I’m sorry that even now as I have outgrown my teenage awkwardness and even become what a lot of people have termed beautiful, and I do make an extra effort whenever we see, you never seem to be satisfied with the way I look and instead insist on calling me “thick”.

I’m sorry you said I only ever called you for money when I was in university. I naïvely thought I was doing a good job by constantly rallying the family to make sure calls were made especially on birthdays and anniversaries; and I also idealistically assumed buying you little gifts of appreciation from the pocket money you gave me made a difference.

I’m sorry you thought the best way to “train” me was to ensure I voiced out as few opinions as possible so I won’t “disgrace you in [my] husband’s house”. And I’m sorry that because of this, almost all conversations between you and I have been subdued and limited, and as such we never established a bond.
I’m sorry I developed an agonizing blood abnormality in my 20s which was inconvenient for you as you had too many things on your mind at the time.

I’m sorry that now that I have my own children and my husband and I are trying our best with God’s help to raise them to be solid, dependable citizens of their time, you still find fault in their upbringing. I’m also sorry you think every single health or slight behavioural issue they had in their infant and toddler years had to be due to something I did or didn’t do right when I was pregnant.

I’m sorry that every time I try to talk to you about how I feel, you dismiss it quickly and put it down to some sort of persecution complex I have. I’m sorry for all the years I spent hoping my prayers might just make you change our relationship for the better.

I’m sorry I’m not duplicating Kenneth Onuh’s glowing tribute to his mother… To be honest I’m sorry for so many things but this is the list that comes to mind as I write. Most of all, I am sorry…BUT I am done trying to be this perfect daughter you wish I was.

So this February 14 2014, I say to you dear mummy…Happy Birthday. And I’m sorry. And…I love you.

Photo Credit: quoteko.com
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Omo Remilekun is in legal practice and lives a simple life with her husband and kids in the UK. She likes to write but just for personal enjoyment. She is involved in charities locally and hopes to positively impact her world one day at a time.