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Isio Knows Better: Phone Check

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Isio Wanogho - March 2014 - BellaNaijaI sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago. Isio Knows better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio.
So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!
***
Question: What is “Phone Check”?
Answer: It is simply the urge for people in relationships to check their partner’s social behaviours in their absence.

‘‘If you are crying every day in your relationship, ask yourself… are you dating a person, or an onion?’’ – Unknown

Experienced Phone Check experts know that the crux of the matter is not in the messages or pictures your partner receives, but  in what they type, send-out and write to anyone else but you. Phone Check is a sure-fire way to uncover some secrets that would make you cry sea-deep tears; will increase the checker’s BP and confront truths that you would most likely regret knowing. Phone Check could also save your life, pun intended.

Ermmmm, this is one thing I cannot categorically say, “do” or “don’t do”, because both actions have consequences, both good and bad. I mean, how do you justify the evil that some people carry out against the person they’ve sworn to love and honor? How do you make sense of the brazen ‘oju-koroju’ (bare-faced) lies some people tell? Will you even have believed it if someone had told you or tried to warn you? Probably not.

How do you chastise a woman who finds out (through phone check) that her beloved husband is about to throw her out after a decade of marriage with nothing more than the clothes on her back – because he has found a younger, more flexible version of her who swings from the ceiling and gives it to him sideways, down-ways, up-ways, and up-side down-ways?

How do you chastise a man who finds out (through phone check) that his beautiful wife, to whom he has been loyal to all through their union, is in love with her ex, who incidentally is the biological father of the kids he has been raising as his own. These kids call him, ‘Daddy’; these are kids that he has been paying 1 million Naira per year (per child) school fees for God knows how long?

How do you chastise a woman who finds out that her husband and his best friend (who was the best-man at their wedding o) are lovers, have been lovers for years, and that she is nothing but a beard. A beautiful, glorious beard with whom he was compelled to mate with. A union to which a child was born. That was 1995, and he has refused to ‘kpansh’ her since. Meanwhile, oga and his business-partner-best-friend have been globetrotting oh, ‘kpanshing’ anyhow. Walahi na sexual frustration make her look the phone… (No ‘kpanshing’ for 9 years, Oghene biko o, get thee behind me Satan!)

How about the man who finds out that his ‘holy’ beloved wife has been lying to him for years, about a teenage daughter that she had as a teenager, a child she DOES NOT claim as her own and rather calls her baby sister?

My dears, the instances are many. You hear some people’s stories and you just thank God for your own problems. For me, as my Mother’s daughter, I don’t check anybody’s phone – not my man, not my siblings’, not my parent’s, not my friends’, nothing seen. I no want see, biko. And, just because I leave my own phones and laptops lying around, does not give anyone a right to search it. I find that once you start, it is so difficult to stop. The things you see (which might not always be as it seems) could devastate you and confuse you. The times between each phone check would be wrought with worry/anxiety/rage/tears and so on (especially if you discover that your boyfriend/husband has a side chick/mistress that knows about you, and has decided to act like a principality on your matter. Your own don better be that.

However, I cannot condemn anyone who does so. Some people are so devious that it is in your own best interest to KNOW what is in store for you. Just be realistic that you might not like what you find sha. And God be with you as you go down that road. Been there, done that, definitely not doing it again. In my own case, I was dating a big fat onion, longer than a healthy Benin yam and fatter than a watermelon.

My Mother once told me this, “Don’t search, don’t look, and don’t ask questions when you KNOW you will NOT like the answer. Denying the answer to a question you’ve already asked yourself, and then asking the same question OUTLOUD, hoping to hear an untrue answer that will sustain your delusion is simply foolish. If you search, and you find –especially if you are NOT READY TO DEAL with the truth… na you know oooo!”

So for me, I don’t search, and I don’t recommend it, but I don’t condemn EVERYONE who does. Like my Warri people say, everybody na im know wetin dey pursue am (Everyone is busy fighting his/her own demons).

Although I must say that I am eternally fascinated by people who do ‘intense investigative journalism’ on their partners’ phones. Patiently waiting for them to fall asleep, and then rummage through their phones, Skype, Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp and/or Twitter accounts. Those that rummage through every file on their partner’s laptops, check every email and check every saved photo and video. What I have is maximum fascination for those that install secret trackers in their spouse’s cars, and then download the data from their car GPS. People who would store and then call back to verify every unknown number that had dared to call their ‘boo’.

For me, I simply pray for the Spirit of discernment and wisdom, and that the hidden things that concern me be made manifest. And it works wonders. No more onion-yam-watermelon relationships.

God be praised!

Halleluyahhhhhh!

______________________________________________________________________________________________
Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

95 Comments

  1. Toto

    March 18, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Sigh!

    • bella dama

      March 19, 2014 at 10:00 am

      the first thing i did after reading too…a deep one! my bf too says i have no business going through his fone that he has lots of private issues of people on it. he even said its low self esteem that would make a lady do that.lol. whatever! i cant deal. never thought of checking his fone before now and i’m still not interested cos i fear what i would see. i cant afford high bp cos of any man.

  2. Bleed Blue

    March 18, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Hmmm, this phone check matter is what opened my eyes to the atrocities of my nanny, so Isio, sometimes it’s a very necessary somtin.

    This my 47 year old Nigerian nanny, “born-again”, teaching in the children’s church, refusing to wear trousers even in winter “because it’s a sin”, not wearing earrings etc etc…well she had a Scottish boyfriend oh!…Brian.but that’s not the issue, having a boyfriend is okay.

    This woman was getting busy in front of my son who was a year and a half at the time. I never used to check her phone and just out of random curiousity checked one day. As in ehn…when I saw the contents of the text messages, I almost fainted.
    “I can’t wait to s**k your c**t again”… “Your juices drive me crazy”…”I need my d**k in your mouth one more time”…and then the one that drove me to tears “Now you see we don’t have to wait till the baby is asleep before we can f**k”. Let me not even go to her own replies…very disgusting…with her bad bad English up and down.

    People, please if your child is involved, abeg PHONE CHECK to your heart’s desire jare.

    • her

      March 18, 2014 at 12:44 pm

      Lobafinish!!!! She should be ashamed of her “born again self”.

    • Meanwhile

      March 18, 2014 at 12:47 pm

      I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

    • whocares

      March 18, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      That is terrible. LOOL. I am sorry I am laughing, but ahhhhhhh! I always find it bizarre when my aunty checks her house help’s phone, but maybe not so much now. People are not reliable at all.

    • Berry Dakara

      March 18, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      OMG!!!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 18, 2014 at 4:02 pm

      Nna. Hmmm. This one is just… so did you kill her? I would have killed her, dem for need to call police. Doing that in front of my child???? A casket straight back to her people in Naija.

    • Dr. N

      March 18, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      These nannies! I saw porn on my nanny’s phone accidentally too. Always assumed she was watching nollywood movies. Na wa! drnsmusings.wordpress.com

    • Que

      March 18, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      What can possibly come from putting my child thru that…..oooo Chi m!! How irresponsible naaa?!! Pls I support checking nannies o and asking d kids time to time, once dey can put words togeda. Same way my youngest broda at age 4 led us (mum n I) by car to d hse d nanny used to take him n my then 2yr old sis in d name of strolling to buy sumthn, to her bf’s place in d same neighbourhood…at least she didnt go shagging in front of them, thank God for sharpmouth kids… my friend decided to install cctv at home in her absence cos of stories like dis… #cantshout…nannies are on anoda level.

    • Iris

      March 18, 2014 at 6:13 pm

      Jehovah is Lord! In front of your child!!! I’m having a Nigerian movie moment right now.

  3. queeneth

    March 18, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Isio wahali” it’s a big issue..

  4. Tayo

    March 18, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    lol Isio is truly a sharp witty babe…i always gbadun ur pieces, keep it coming girl *plentyhomo. as for the phone checks i stopped doing that 5years ago because what u dont know wont hurt you. *my opinion*. INNER PEACE is the best.

  5. eesha

    March 18, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    What i dont know would not kill me. Why start something you wouldnt be ready to deal with if you see that thing you are looking for. That means for me to actually do phone check i dont trust the person in the first place and that is also an invasion of privacy on my part. I prefer to let sleeping dogs lie.

    • jay

      May 20, 2014 at 6:36 pm

      hi, people never tells you how not so trustworthy they are and at what point do u say someone s cheating on you? when they decide to roll it in your presence?

  6. linda

    March 18, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    things are really happening ooo, i don’t like checking my partner’s phone cos i might get hurt, but i know if there is any secrets hidden there, it will be exposed. @bleed blue so sorry for that experience.

  7. Babytohcute

    March 18, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Most check because they have a reason to while others just do it. If you don’t have a strong conviction to check and you go searching, you’ll definitely find something(true or not).
    Spirit of discernment is essential
    Again, always talk it out. Because when you assume, you make an “ASS of U and ME”

  8. JJJ

    March 18, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Serious Isio, if checking a phone can satisfy ones curiosity biko i go check .. i also know dat its bad to check ones phone buh like u lastly mentioned let one’s discernment be our guide..
    NICE ONE THOUGH!

  9. buky

    March 18, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    I like to check through his phone not because i dont trust him or because am looking for something nasty, but i check cos i want to, and i dont mind if he checks my phone too, if i have things bugging me i just ask him, simple.

    • wendy

      March 18, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      I hear you…Keep telling yourself that….

  10. Zayt

    March 18, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    @ bleed blue, *shocked* pele

  11. FunkyW

    March 18, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    I remember hiding with my cousin to check our “new” in-law’s phone. The young lady was full of all kinds of bad attitude during her wedding and engagement and this is someone that was so nice and respectful to everyone until the wedding preparations when she was sure that she had landed herself a husband. Anyway can’t remember what exactly we saw but we ran to show our mums, they told us return the phone, that they didn’t want any insults .

  12. whocares

    March 18, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    Turning into FBI special agent on top man matter is not my cup of tea. I take the same stance as Isio; I never condemn people who check, but what I don’t know cant hurt me, so when I start to doubt I simply ask, and if the explanation is not good enough for me, I will leave. Cranking up the mystery machine to solve the case of the untrustworthy boyfriend? (aint no borry gat time for that)

    The bit that interests me is the rule on privacy that applies. Does the “breach of privacy” extend to married people, or affianced people? Technically, your wife/ husband should be able to go through your phone when you are married.. Doesn’t mean they should all the time, but the have that privilege right? So really every time your wife/ husband checks your phone you shouldn’t have your hackles up.. but then again, what are they looking through your phone for?

    • wendy

      March 18, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      “So really every time your wife/ husband checks your phone you shouldn’t have your hackles up.. but then again, what are they looking through your phone for?”

      Maybe buky March 18, 2014 at 1:18 PM can shed some light for us.

    • Blessmyheart

      March 18, 2014 at 10:09 pm

      Speaking for myself, not for Bukki, it’s just curiosity and a way to know more about your partner. I started going through hubby’s phone even when we were still only friends, albeit close friends. I passed the habit to him too. I know how much he earns and how he spends by the mail alerts he gets and other stuff going on with him. The truth is if he wants to hide anything from me, he can easily delete it since he knows I go through his phone. I also delete private conversations I have with friends sometimes. No big deal.

  13. jummai

    March 18, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    hmmn, i occassionally do the phone check, but the one i did recently almost gave me high blood pressure plus heart attack and to make it worse it was on valentines day, I ve made a decision never to the the phone check again, after all what you dont know wont hurt u.

  14. Esther

    March 18, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    For me, I simply pray for the Spirit of discernment and wisdom, and that the hidden things that concern me be made manifest. Amen!!!

  15. Magz

    March 18, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Doing a “phone check”, well, “mail check” saved me from wasting time in my former relationship. Normally, I wouldn’t check, aint nobody got time for that but for this particular one, my instinct was almost pushing me. And my instincts are always right; maybe 95% right.
    I checked his mails; lo and behold, i realised he was trying to “recruit” three other girls for the “role”. As stupid as he was, he used the same words he used for me while “toasting” me.
    So phone checks, laptops checks, mail checks or whatever checks can be helpful sometimes

  16. Poison Ivy

    March 18, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    I recommend phone check oooo
    My Ex is a guy blessed with sweet mouth(he can sugar coat die).On a fateful day,my instinct kicked in & while he was asleep I went through everything….YES,everything(twitter,bbm,IG…….)What I found,changed my life.
    The idiot had not one,not two,or three side chicks(we plenty),you need to see msg(marriage proposal,pronouncement of love & of course the Xrated conversations)After the open eye experience,I hated myself for wasting 4years with this Nigga(the love & trust was lost & so was the relationship)I don’t regret my actions rather I applaud my bravery to face the Unknown.
    N/B;When phone checking be prepared for whatever outcome,you either Walk or Stay with the “Onion”.

    • Troll

      March 18, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Awww, sorry dear.

  17. Gorgeous

    March 18, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Its better to check o jare. Gbagbe oshi. Oshisco…

  18. Dave

    March 18, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    I need a crash course on phone check management…

  19. Esco

    March 18, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Microphone check, one, two, one, two/
    Phone check, you can do or undo/
    Log into my phone, and open a Pandora’s box/
    Review my call history, and see why its guarded like Fort Knox/
    So what would you find, you this olofofo/
    birthday pictures of our daughter Nwaolodo?/
    or naked pictures of my ex, evidence of phone sex/
    maybe you would see messages in the form of a text/
    from your close friend trying to flirt with me, grotesque/
    or of your needy mothers begging for money as usual in huge digits/
    Or perhaps of your cousin from the village begging for an urban visit/
    Searching my work clothes for clues is bad enough as it is/
    but going through my phone really takes the biscuit/
    Now you have seen what you are looking for, I would liken this info with/
    the size of a phallus – what matters is what you do with it….

  20. Tru

    March 18, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! Isio, my darling, have I told you lately I love you??? 😀

  21. Chinma Eke

    March 18, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Oh my! I don’t check my partners phone, but Bleed Blue’s story is scary. Where children are involved, I’ll check.

  22. camo

    March 18, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    I was team i don’t care till an experience taught me a lesson. Mr Ex. was endowed with the sweetest mouth ever, in fact he was so loving and caring that if i complain of cold he will come and pick me from the office and take me home personally. But my soul was never at rest. There were so many red flags 1. he always avoids his calls when I am around him,he will always cover up with the excuse that he does not want ppl to disturb our ‘us’ time that is scarce in this lag then he will suggest that we both put off our phones to avoid distraction? hian!, I knew within me that things were not alright. One day I went to his house as usual, a call came in, he refused to take it, i kept quiet as usual, when the phone stopped ringing, i told him with a straight face ‘babe put ur password i want to check your yahoomail, bbm, text msg, whatsapp, the look on his face that day was legendary…loool! He didn’t expect it cos he had always known me as ‘i don’t care babe’ but then we were talking about marriage here so I had to start caring about these things. He promptly refused, I asked him why, he said I had o business going through his phone. I thought about it for a while and i jejely said my thoughts aloud, ‘if i have no business going through your phone , then I have no business in ur life, cos even my casual friends would not use such terms for me. When he noticed he had goofed, he started saying that everything I would see were all jokes, I said let me be the judge of that. Fastforward to when he put the password men my head reeled shaa…*wipes brow* I couldnt imagine…I kept my cool returned his phone but from that day things went downhill..He kept saying he shouldnt have let me see those text, bbm and whatsapp chat..Omo i knew right then when I was reading those msg that i had to re evaluate things,cos living with this person for the rest of my life *smh* its scary shaa. Please when ur instincts starts warning you about something check o, me I cant do the midnight nonsense, i will simply ask you to ur face that I want to look through so so and so, then proceed, I cant be keeping awake at night or doing FBI are you my father?, I will jejely ask you to ur face and confirm it right there. Please what you don’t know will definitely hurt you o. especially if the said boyfriend is a sexual partner, STI’s that you don’t know about can infect you o. If you ask him and he denies with his permission confirm from all these orisirisi social networks. Cos when the gbege start omo boy will take one or two antibiotics and get better, you will be living in hell on earth cos you are forming I don’t care. Better care o

    • meme

      March 19, 2014 at 9:09 am

      wow.. glad you made it through. you reminded me of myself. while with my ex last year after he came back from nigeria (you know how it goes for some dirty men) they will claim they are single while their gf are in another country smh.. I just waited for him to sleep and went through his phone, I made sure I used his laptop that night because when it locks the password comes up..oga was snoring already and fbi work started.. from twitter, to facebook, and even emails, and also his phone too (watsapp, bbm). did not find shit. almost gave up and some girl which happens to be his old classmate sent a messg stating how she misses him and had so much fun and other details. I woke him up that night.. i think it was 3am, told him to jejely take me back to my house and that was it .. 3 yrs just wasted just like that! no worries.. at 22, I hope I don’t kiss too many frogs before i find “the one” ! tough world oo lol

  23. oj

    March 18, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    why should he be angry that i checked his phone if he has nothing to hide? i wouldnt be angry if he (when he comes) checks my phone.

  24. Que

    March 18, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Only 1ce in my life did I turn into Jack Bauer’s recruit aka Chloe, doing mail check in my case. But that was only cause my instincts had been buggin for a while n only God could have made it happen d way it did, cos d thing with privacy is when u have d passwords-like i did, u dont feel d need to check, but this time was different plus everything literally landed in front of me, opened by mr man himself-wch of course wasn’t his intention, I no go turn eye na… after the main discovery, my Chloe genes kicked in… had I applied to d fbi I wlda done well… I cant even rmbr how I crackd most of his other social n billing accounts, n d info more than added up…..after a wk of being my usual composed/chatty self n deciding on what I wanted, I ended up revealing to him, just enuf of what I knew n kept d rest… n moved on with passwords/acct codes n all,… In my own case o, I’m thankful it happened. I’ll leave it at that.

    I’m personally an open book, dont lock nada….so I usually dont even graduate towards pple whose lives are like NSPMC-permanently on lockdown….n if I have concerns I voice them sharply, let noone be shouting on me unnecessarily for touching fone.

    What u dont know wont hurt you till you’re standing alone on d aisle like my friend’s sister… ! All those checks rarely reveal anything new, they merely confirm or hopefully deny, and aren’t necessarily disasters, depending on how u handle it.

  25. Tee

    March 18, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Im going thru this rite now, everything I saw really hurts. I may need help cos I’m hurting badly. Why do men cheat even when u’re 100% nice to them.?

    • Onye Ara

      March 19, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Researchers are still looking into it. Please don’t hold your breath.

  26. dami

    March 18, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    Ohh mine, I’m such an FBI. I check every darn thing. My ex once forgot to lock his phone(I wonder why till today). He went out of his room and I jejely picked his phone and looked, lo and behold I saw it all, he had another gf. For me that was just the end. His bloody explanation was that she was in naija and it was nothing serious. I always check honey, check the damn phone. I don’t even have password on my phone so you can check all u want. My white friends think I’m crazy tho

  27. Queen Esther

    March 18, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Hmm. Me I will recommend phone checks o. It saved me a great deal in the past. Men can be very shady…more than you could ever imagine. I lived with my ex for 7 years and only got to know he was planning to get married to some rich madam by going through his phone. We were living together and he was busy planning a wedding. Long and short,him and rich madam are divorced after barely a year of marriage. #know the devil you live with#

  28. SheQueen

    March 18, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    i recommend phone check. men of 2014 are evil, if not for anything but to avoid getting an STD. these men bedhop at will, without any condoms. Until u have his hiv-free certificate in ur hands, i suggest u play safe or phone check and all the social network-check. i did my FBI and found my darling husband of several years had a live-in gf in another house i never knew existed. after 3 kids, who does that? And then got this ho pregnant. even the passwords he had, real dense. i tried 2/3 options and viola!! my advice ladies is if something doesnt sit right with u, check it out. a woman greatest gift is her instinct, and learning to trust ut instinct is a gift. u wont like what u find, but u can protect urself from further hurt, and possibly health issues. men rarely use condoms. i have kicked the dense out of my life. do i regret it? absolutely not! am glad i found out when i did. does he want me back? of course! i’d rather be a happy single mum than a depressed sad wife. u cant buy peace of mind. phone check all u want..only if ur instincts tell u to. ur instincts never lie, trust it.

  29. Otie

    March 19, 2014 at 1:19 am

    Okay, I saw dis post, nd jst had to drop a comment. I’ve been in a relationship for d past 3yrs, I’m absolutely in love with my boo, nd I’m sure, he loves me back. We’ve had our share of hard times, nd even broke off briefly 2yrs ago., but somehow, we always find dat we can’t live without each other. We are currently maintaining a long distance relationship, even tho it hasn’t always been dis way. The last time I visited, I went thru his fone, and found out he was sleeping wit a so-called new friend he made. I’ve gone thru his fone in d past, nd i’ve NEVER liked wat i’ve seen, but I can’t seem to stop. We always argue abt it nd go back to normal, after some time has passed. He’s of d opinion dat I should stay away from his fone if I want us to live in peace. I think wat he means is he’s always gonna be unfaithful, nd I ve to find a way to live wit dat. I love this guy to bits. He’s my soul mate, and d love of my life. We’ve been considering marriage, but I don’t know if I can ignore d fact dat he’ll probably always be getting it on somewhere outside of home. At d same time, I can’t bear d thought of being without him. I’m so confused. Do I leave him cos of dis, or is d devil I know really betr dan any angel wit out der with probably worse flaws? Please please any advice would be appreciated. Please, i’m losing it!

    • meme

      March 19, 2014 at 9:18 am

      childdd..baby boo! you know you deserve better than that scum! chia!! how can you say the devil you know.. where wil this devil b when you contract hiv or any std..lady, have peace of mind and move on. do not settle! it will be hard but trust me when I say time heals wounds. You are not the only one suffering from things like this. you know what he meant by that.. he will always be unfaithful and just get used to it.. girllll back your bags and go live your life without him..

    • mw

      March 23, 2014 at 7:22 pm

      @otie, seriously dear, hes not worth d trouble, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, it took me 2 years to finally call it quits. I thought he was d love of my life, my world revolved around him, he showed his true colours after the first two years, cheated, lied, and he could hold mighty grudges. He made me cry a lot, flirted with other girls in front of me n called them side chicks. I understand d way u feel and I know how hard it can be to break off a relationship, if ur brains tell u his not worth it, he mostly isn’t. Mine reached a point that I prayed to God to make me stop loving him. Its bin a month since the break up and its obvious tome that I can live without him and also be the best I can be, I ddnt fully stop loving him, I still have little fears but am focusing more on improving my life and and doing things I love. Time heals all wounds and mine wont b different. , I just realised I wasted 4 years of my life, but its no biggie just one of life lessons. Listen to my story dear, n follow ur heart n brains too. Goodluck

    • nique

      April 2, 2014 at 8:29 am

      Sweetheart, Dont be a fool!!! for the love of God, pack urself and ur sanity out of that rship. you think you can manage him? i give u two years into the marriage.
      what do u think you are doing? im sure u think u cant live without this guy. i thot the saame of my EX and refused to break up with him despite all his misbehaviour until he broke up with me himself. i tot i wud die but look at me today, still standing. If you like urself please carry ur soul and go find anoda mate who will give u the same amount of devotion you are ready to give. He aint worth YOU!!!

  30. Ruri

    March 19, 2014 at 7:16 am

    @Otie Stop fooling yourself. Dump that guy, if he is not ready to STOP being unfaithful then why settle?

  31. O Y

    March 19, 2014 at 7:58 am

    I love your write ups Isio, you are such a beautiful writer, witty too. i must also say that i absolutely love your comments Esco.

  32. Jay

    March 19, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Hmmm please no one should condemn me. In my case, I was the guilty one, still chatting with my ex. My current bf checked my fone when I was in the kitchen and when I got back to the room, he acted all nice and then broke the news of how he saw my conversations with my ex. He was in tears and I couldn’t bear to see him that way, there and then I blocked my ex and assured my bf that we can still work things out. I wasn’t planning to cheat but I was just enjoying some attention from my ex and I loved the part where he kept begging me to come back and all that, it was just nice to see him hurt. I’m so glad my bf checked my fone that evening cos u can never tell, with the constant pleading, I may have gone back to my ex. So glad I didn’t go back, who leaves and angel for a bad man who doesn’t know your value till you are gone?

    • meme

      March 19, 2014 at 9:22 am

      sighhh..pls change your ways.. leave that fool behind. you do not need any attention from him! he know you are with someone else and that is painful for him already. you talking to him will make him feel like you love the attention and maybe your current boo isn’t giving you any! leave tht fool behind and enjoy your new love.

  33. mia

    March 19, 2014 at 9:54 am

    @ Otie, first let me let me break the news to you, YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM. that said, he has told you plainly that you are not treasure enough for him to leave all those other girls for, so there. i’m sure nobody needs to tell you some of the consequences of this his irresponsible behavior.

    back to phone check, i checked my ex’s phone some 3 yrs ago after dating him for 4yrs and i’m glad i did. he fell asleep suddenly that day and i decided to check his phone, my dear sisters, what i saw shocked the living daylight out of me. i woke him up and started asking him who is (i was calling the names of the chics he’s been cheating on me with), he was dumbfouned because he knows me, i don’t have time to mark any man, like a defender in a football game. it’s a full time job mehn. so i did the honourable thing, i referred him to the parable Jesus gave in the bible about an investor who found a priceless treasure and was restless until he sold all the goods in his house to acquire that treasure and afterwards became extremely happy. i told him, if i’m a treasure to u like you claim, you would have done away with all these side chics and would not allow any other into your life. i’m married now to someone who values family, sincerity and openness. so i will say, all una wey dey decieve unasef say wetin u no sabi no dey hurt you, na lie. most of you live in the fear of the unknown but are too weak to confront it, especially the single ones. that phone check or that direct confrontational question might just be the door that will release you from the prison you call a relationship. cheers…

  34. work in progress

    March 19, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Even God forbid privacy, Hiannnnnn …….
    you are sucking things, entering and removing and dude you have the audacity to talk privacy. Baby Boo never goon work. I have learnt to trust my instinct, i will never do FBI on you, but if my brains says check, Darling i’ll do from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, mails, Calls, Messages, Flicker, Whatsapp, Hi5, Badoo, Linkedin, Complimentary Cards, year book, suit pocket, speedometer, car booth, Laundry basket, web history, unannounced visitations,dreams, PRAYER, PRAYER, PRAYER…… CONFRONTATION
    Don’t get me started Isio, The fear of heartbreak and STD is the beginning of PHONECHECK…..

    • Jane Public

      March 19, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      Thank you o. You won’t check Kini. I wanna check die. Trust me, I would rather prefer you don’t tell me. Let me find out myself. Even if someone tells me. I am too inutitive anyway. Human lie detector I have been called. What you don’t know WILL HURT YOU. That phrase won’t hurt you must have been invented by a man. You better check and save yourself from disgrace.

    • Que

      March 19, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      Rolling on d floor after all the list of things to check!!! That opening line completely killed IT! I’ll never understand d fuss bout unnecessary privacy laws in a rship u’re likely committing your life to…. its beyond ridiculous!

  35. It

    March 19, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I don’t know where to start on this phone check matter but my follow sisters I have seen better days …

  36. Funms

    March 19, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    i always say ‘if you search…you will find’.

  37. farvoured

    March 19, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    this phone check can serve alot of troubles and headaches..way back in my uni, days i use to date this guy was faithful to him for 7 yrs and bammm!! one day i saw him on drugs and when i asked he neva told me what he was sick of…fastforward….I was diagnose HIV positive, i am 30 turning 31 in few months time.Have I forgiven him ,yes ,have i forgiven my self No.For i was stupid for not following my instincts,the guy was an accomplished womaniser and always had a way of aplogising..i kept thinking he would change.When i even realised i was positive I told him with this present status we could get married ,stick to each other and take cr of ourselves.The guy was still bed jumping,then it dawned on me that if i continue with his sorry ass, I would die of other infections and heartbreaks.Each time i met him with a new victim i felt so sorry for the girl.U guys would not evn imagine i went to the guys house once and saw a list of women ..i was the 10 on the list and ahd about 20 names followed .That was three years back.Dont ask me how long the list must have gotten now.Anything you can do to know whom you are dealing with..please do!!!!!

    • Rocque

      March 19, 2014 at 1:32 pm

      Oh my dear,
      I am so sorry about your situation.
      The risks we take for the people we “love” eh. God help us all.
      Be strong love. It is not a death sentence.
      You have nothing to lose by warning any other victims of his. It is however their choice if they choose to heed your advice or not. You would have done your part and that is commendable enough.

      Wish you joy, peace, God’s favour and a beautiful life.

      Hugs.

    • Bleed Blue

      March 19, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      Oh my word! Now this is scary!!! Oh dear, I don’t even know what to say. 🙁

    • Jane Public

      March 19, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      Oh wow. Big hugs dear. OMG!!! Don’t worry. Divine Justice, there is such a thing will catch up to him. I wish all the best and lvoe too. You will find love, you just wait and see

    • Que

      March 19, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      Ooo Chi m!!! #speechless. I just wish u much better experiences from here on… cheers.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 19, 2014 at 10:37 pm

      Darling, forgive yourself and find new reasons to enjoy your life. Because even though some claim this to be cliche, life is truly a precious gift. Do not waste yours any longer by constantly turning to look back with regret.

      Please stay healthy and I pray that God keeps watching out for you to provide all that you’ll need. And your ex is an agent sent from the pits of hell… A list of women, ke?! Plain evil is what he is.

    • camo

      March 20, 2014 at 8:53 am

      God in Hid abundant mercy will ensure you have more than enough grace in this life, My sister it is well with you. You still have a wonderful and beautiful life ahead of you. As for that demon in the cloak of a man, He will get his justice here on earth and in life beyond

    • mw

      March 23, 2014 at 7:59 pm

      @favoured, I luv ur spirit and admire ur courage.. I will put u in my prayers… Gods grace

  38. entrepreneurs factory

    March 19, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    check it if only you are prepared for the worst

  39. SheQueen

    March 19, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    @ farvoured..my heart sank reading this. HIV is such a serious thing, thankfully can be controlled to an extent. sending u hugs and i admire and commend ur courage.
    @ OTie… something i always say to myself i’l say to u… “Respect urself enough to know you deserve the very best”. it is not a myth, it is possible to be happily married. that junior lunatic of a boyfriend will cause u misery. u dont want to be married with 2 kids and be depressed. u can avoid all that now. the loser will remain a loser, u on the other hand should not settle for less than u deserve. there’s no such thing as privacy when marriage is considered. trust your guts. the heartache of a few weeks is small compared to disappointment of a lifetime. all the best.

  40. nene

    March 19, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    sometimes i just think it’s better to avoid premarital sex and marry a man who loves you, and doesn’t just want your body or your beauty but it’s hard. it’s hard to be celibate or to avoid sex before marriage.

    • L'afrique

      March 19, 2014 at 10:26 pm

      Nene. Off. On. Her. Own. Tangent.

    • camo

      March 20, 2014 at 8:03 am

      looooooooooool! Its strange

  41. kenturky

    March 19, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    phone check who?hmmmm once i see the signs am off,some guys are very smart you can’t get them.so no FBI,CIA and SSS things.

  42. work in progress

    March 19, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    My [email protected] Queen ooooooo. There is no PRIVACY in marriage or a committed RELATIONSHIP…. help me drum it to peoples EARS ooooo. There is always a chance at Happily ever after, we all just have to BELIEVE you can achieve it. My sister is a Living proof, she dated scumbags and all sorts, she had no self confidence. But everything changed the day started loving herself, and believed in her self. fast forward 5 years now she’s HAPPILY MARRIED. It was not a easy journey but it is soooooooooooooooo WORTH IT

  43. Mz Socially Awkward...

    March 19, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    And I just have to say this to BN, Isio, other like contributors, etc… In moments like this, I’m so grateful that you’re using this platform to raise certain topics which give your readers an avenue to open up and share their real-life experiences. Otherwise, some of us would remain so freaking clueless about the horrors which exist side-by-side with us every day.

    A human being has taken it upon himself to spread HIV as far as he can? HIV?!!!!!!!!!!! And some women are saying ignorance is bliss and what you don’t know can’t do you harm? Please, I beg you, apply some of Proverbs 4:7 in your considerations – “Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgement” [New Living Translation]

  44. Grown Woman

    March 20, 2014 at 7:58 am

    Phone check is a must these days, innocent people like farvoured are being hurt bcoz of some pricks out there.Im so sorry to hear ths girl.It is well with you.I one time dated this guy but my instincts were already telling me he wasn’t as faithfull as he claimed,so one time decided to go through his phone..Lord im glad i did that because it did save me from this useless guy.plus the rship was a long distance one….his phone would ring constantly and will gve me endless excuses and that will return the calls back to them as they were nt tht important….my instict just pushed to check his phone…Lord he had ths 3 gf ws chatting with…what a prick, changed my ticket and left his ass thts wat he deserved mxiiiu *lies men tell *in Nene’s voice* .So girls, sometimes it’s good to know ths things, it will help you in the long run even though will not be easy.

  45. Modella ....ask...what is the need to post comment when it might not be publish?

    March 20, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    My eyeez with tears @ Favoured situation!!!

  46. Daddy's Girl

    March 21, 2014 at 1:56 am

    Its not that I had intention of checking his (my father’s) phone… na instruction i kuku follow as per obedient child. He dashed me his phone when the real owners of my phone collected their phone back. He said that I should go through the messages and save the ones I think are important. Omo see naked Unilag girls on his phone. I know cause the room is one of those 12 man room in Moremi. Aside from that sef, the texts he exchanged with one woman in UK will make a nun go for confession till she passes out. With our UK Mama saying she has what will make him keep going back to UK. If only she knows that those trips are all sponsored by the office because he is on official duty. I won’t be surprised if one day one woman comes banging on our gate with a child behind her. My mother sef must not be surprised because he had a child already before he met her. I suppose win Academy Award sef for holding up the act that i still have the kind of love and respect a daughter has for her father. I say not knowing will save you a lot of hassle and stress cause I wish I never saw those things I saw.He might have asked for forgiveness and repented but theres no way I can know. He won’t even give you his phone to make call with.

  47. Real housewife of New York

    March 21, 2014 at 2:07 am

    Check, especially if your instincts are pushing you that way. 6 years ago, I suspected my husband of 5 years was cheating on me. I confronted him… he denied. Checked his email and he had placed an add on one of these websites.. married man seeking woman to f***. Sigh! I was floored, devastated. I took a few days to process it, and to decide on what I wanted. Then I confronted him again.. he lied again… I had to present his own emails before he would admit what he did. Filed for divorce. During arbitration, he begged. We worked it out.

    My mother didn’t raise a fool, nor a doormat.
    AIDS is not the only disease you have to worry about. How about Herpes… which he could possibly pass to his own kids by kissing them. How about TB?

    No, I love my life too dearly. I will check if I want to

  48. Asakeismyname

    March 23, 2014 at 10:47 am

    I wouldn’t recommend it but sometimes it’s essential…. In the past the phone checks confirmed my suspicions and gave me the basis to move on with my life from the loser I was dating at the time…. Only go looking if you’re prepared to act on your findings!

  49. EFCC's guy

    March 23, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Wow! I’ve learnt world of good from the views expressed here. Need I say, as a guy who has been policed by my detective of a girlfriend, I read this post with the hope that I’ll find a way of sharing it with her, to atleast curtail her Jack Bauer antics! But after all this revelations on the PLUS sides of phone check, I sure as hell won’t recommend BN relationship site to, atleast for this week..else, she’ll have me JTF’ed till Jonathan looses PDP primaries. Anyways, I want to ask your honest opinions, to what extent can this sometimes PARANOID checks be allowed. Her’s is driving me nuts, a text doesn’t dare enter my phone, need I say, I don’t have any female friends who call me again? She SCARES me.

  50. mw

    March 23, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    @favoured, I luv ur spirit and admire ur courage.. I will put u in my prayers… Gods grace

  51. Me Full Ground

    March 25, 2014 at 1:21 am

    Well done Isio. Great topic/issue, great writing style – to deal with serious issues with a lot of humour. Great contributions from diverse experiences to learn from.

  52. Chi

    March 25, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    I love this topic. I was always the woman who never checked phones or anything till I went snooping in my husband’s car (the glove compartment) one day and almost had a stroke. It took years for my marriage to gain firm footing after that. Some men can be slimy jerks! I was hell bent on getting a divorce because I could not believe everything I saw and read and could hardly comprehend it all. I have forgiven him now (years later) but he knows that if it ever repeats itself, I am taking a final walk…. In fact, the kids will walk right out with me.

  53. will these babes listen?

    March 25, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    On a lighter note, now i know why people die young and heart attacks are on the increase. lol

    Babes, listen and listen well:

    1. A guy can love you and still have side chicks.
    2. A guy can have a main babe and some side chicks.
    3. Having side chicks does not mean he is dating them or love them more than you
    4.A guy can have a main babe and still have sex with side chicks
    5. From a guy’s perspective, having sex with a girl is not about love making. Therefore he could be hitting some other girls but you are the main the main.
    6. A guy could have sex with side chicks to satisfy an urge, a brag about his ability to perform with a girl, have a different taste..
    7. Flirting is part of the ways of a guy man. Flirting comes in form of those texts, chats and all hes doing with those chicks. Flirting does not mean you are serious with someone, its just a tease.
    8. He may flirt with those chicks but hes never ever gaan leave you cos you are his life.
    9. Next time before you break up, first identify if you are the main chick or the side chic.
    10. If you are the main chic, you will know. All the side chics will only have a bit of him, his time and resources while you have the main thing.

    Did i just explain the psychology of a guy to you?
    Not all of them are born again/spirikoko as not all babes too are born again/spirikoko

    So expect some of it depending on who you are dating and understand what those behaviour means.

    • ego

      March 27, 2014 at 8:03 pm

      I hope no friend of mine or family member ends up with someone like you. You have serious issues. Would you like your wife or girlfriend to have have side guys and be left wondering if you are the main thing or side thing?

    • jay

      May 20, 2014 at 10:15 pm

      but thats the truth

    • grilz

      April 8, 2014 at 6:01 pm

      stupid lie from the pit of hell. try those lines on women with low self esteem. i hope your future wife has ‘side guys’ that she gets it from as well. nonsense

  54. Bu

    March 26, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    I been in an one/off relationship for 8 years. Recently, I went to my “intended’s” home and was goofing around with his 2 year old niece. He thought it was so cute of us and then he took a picture with his phone. He must not have been thinking when he handed over the device…As he passed it to me, I hated the picture on sight and sharply deleted it with a view to taking a selfie of me and said niece. The moment I hit the delete button, the picture disappeared and was immediately replaced with the last picture taken the evening before. Lo and behold it was the boo locked in a passionate kiss with a girl i’d never seen in my life. A quick scan revealed snapshots of the same scene in varying degrees of intensity -and get this- taken by the guy who has sworn to me that I’m all he will ever need. I just calmly passed the phone back to him with the picture in plain view, got up, grabbed my car keys and left.

    He may end up being the one I marry or not, but the point is, these devices have become a physical space where people go to get up to no good. If you can handle with maturity what you find then go ahead. If you can’t then pray it’s not something that could shake the foundations if your life, relationship or family. If like me, it falls into your lap by accident then….fill in the blank space with your own answer.

  55. MISS INDEPENDENT

    March 28, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    I love this topic and am glad it has generated lots of comments, which I have learnt so much from. I will say a big thank you to the ladies in the house who have shared their life experiences and to (farvoured March 19, 2014 at 12:57 PM) may God comfort, strengthen and heal you oh yes I believe in healing so please do.

    Back to me…..
    That fateful day, he left my crib buh I was bored and feeling lonely so I told a friend of mine to take me out for ice-cream, on my back I saw the chick on the road and I was like this babe (suspect) cannot be walking at this time without having somewhere important to go with this dressing, so I told my friend please trace this chick, my friend was like it’s not possible that she will know. So I told him to go boo’s street and I will see if the babe will come here, she did oooo entered the compound, climbed the stairs. I was shaking, omo since dat day I believed my instincts, plus I was prepared to know the truth so I moved on.

    PS. if u not ready to know the truth, do not find what your heart can not fathom.

  56. nique

    April 2, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Chei! at a time we ladies have suffered in the hands of men oh :(. why cant a guy just be exclusive and faithful, what can a woman do to get one? its just so off putting sometimes i even wonder if i will ever get married. I dont like wahala oh.

  57. Just me

    April 2, 2014 at 9:45 am

    Its important to do all checks, Facebook, Phones, Whattsapp, all necessary checks, even if the outcome will be disastrous, it is better to know that be oblivious. I am a confirmed proffessional in snooping around and yes I have been getting good results from this over the years. My advice, everyone should do their due dilligence check once in a while.

    I met a guy who said he was single, we became very good friends and and after some months a possible romance was already smelling in the air, I visited his house and tried to snoop around to find some real evidence to confirm his claim of being single and saw nothing. I felt relaxed and told myself, that he probably was an exception to the group of liars I had experienced in the past. This guy was extremely caring and would do everything for me even when it was not convenient, he was at a point my superhero, and introduced me to his friends, I did same and even introduced him to my family members. I became very relaxed and when mumsy called to ask when I was bringing him home, I told her very soon. One of the days, he was taking me to work, I decided to go through some of his Business Cards he left in the pigeon hole of his car, and then I saw an atm card with another name similar to his, and when I asked whose it was, he told me it was his married elder sister’s card and that he needed to assist her with some banking transaction since she was based in the UK and he was in Nigeria. Immediately I put the name to memory and when I got to the office I decided to search the name out on FB, Lo and behold my discovery was unbelievable. The Mr Man was married with three kids and he left his family in the UK to work in Nigeria and the ATM card was his wifes own. When I confronted Mr Man about my discovery he initially was denying that she was his sister and the kids were his nephew and nieces, not until I threatened him that I would send an FB message to the supposed sister before he accepted that he was actually married, and he was in Nigeria because of work. It took me almost 5 months to get this truth cos there was never any sign even with my snooping around to indicate he had a family. That incident only reminded me of the actor SOLOMON AKINYESI who got bursted when he was about to wed wife number 3 . Same would have happened to me, if not for my natural curiosity

    Please everyone do your checks, it will save you a lot of future drama

  58. Just me

    April 2, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Its important to do all checks, Facebook, Phones, Whattsapp, all necessary checks, even if the outcome will be disastrous, it is better to know that be oblivious. I am a confirmed proffessional in snooping around and yes I have been getting good results from this over the years. My advice, everyone should do their due dilligence check once in a while.

    I met a guy who said he was single, we became very good friends and and after some months a possible romance was already smelling in the air, I visited his house and tried to snoop around to find some real evidence to confirm his claim of being single and saw nothing. I felt relaxed and told myself, that he probably was an exception to the group of liars I had experienced in the past. This guy was extremely caring and would do everything for me even when it was not convenient, he was at a point my superhero, and introduced me to his friends, I did same and even introduced him to my family members. I became very relaxed and when mumsy called to ask when I was bringing him home, I told her very soon. One of the days, he was taking me to work, I decided to go through some of his Business Cards he left in the pigeon hole of his car, and then I saw an atm card with another name similar to his, and when I asked whose it was, he told me it was his married elder sister’s card and that he needed to assist her with some banking transaction since she was based in the UK and he was in Nigeria. Immediately I put the name to memory and when I got to the office I decided to search the name out on FB, Lo and behold my discovery was unbelievable. The Mr Man was married with three kids and he left his family in the UK to work in Nigeria and the ATM card was his wifes own. When I confronted Mr Man about my discovery he initially was denying that she was his sister and the kids were his nephew and nieces, not until I threatened him that I would send an FB message to the supposed sister before he accepted that he was actually married, and he was in Nigeria because of work. It took me almost 5 months to get this truth cos there was never any sign even with my snooping around to indicate he had a family. That incident only reminded me of the actor SOLOMON AKINYESI who got bursted when he was about to wed wife number 3 . Same would have happened to me, if not for my natural curiosity

    Please everyone do your checks, it will save you a lot of future drama

  59. GOD'S CHILD

    May 14, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Please am personally begging you girls ,pls to any length you can go please check,check ,check plsss to save your life,am writing out of experience ,if i want to start my story here i would not finish it…..so my dear sisters pls check.Men will do any thing ,go extra mile to get you believe me all they want is your body .Only few ,i mean few not up to 2percent are real.God was just merciful to me and he saved me from a very BIG SHAME AND [email protected],PLS PRAY N CRY FOR GODS MERCY … MAY GOD WITH HIS INFINITE MERCY FORGIVE YOU AND HEAL YOU,JUST DONT GO BACK AND SIN AGAIN.Lets be very careful girls .MEN ARE WICKED,THE WORLD IS WICKED.LETS ABSTAIN FROM FORNICATION PLS…AM A LIVING TESTIMONY OF GODS MERCY AND MIRACLE.CHEERS.

  60. jay

    May 20, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    well i once checked my girlfriend s fone one night she slept over at my place, saw messages she sent to some senators son like “i will like to be in your arm ,, blah blah balha!! ..well i didnt say a word until 2 days afta when she accused me of hidding something from her , i asked her how she said about my exes and all sorts then i qoute her text saying “i wanna be in ur arm rotimi”naso she shut up…………….. my advice give trust, give ur all , but check it out stilll……………………………. besides if you re not doing anything wrong why are you hidding ur paswoord

  61. yemzy

    June 18, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Oh my world. Really missed this column on BN. Isio love ur writing style. I am so loving this article as am an apostle of check all the checkables. Including his closet abeg i dont wanna take chances. BTW Isio would so appreciate if you can write something on ‘Un-announced visit’. Dont say no pls. *winks*

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