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Frances Okoro: You Are Something

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Omawumi’s song “Be The Best I Can Be” rings in my head anytime I think of my mother. Like Omawumi, I was also a recipient of the “wash the plates, sweep the house” lessons. Of course, my mother is a Nigerian and like all Naija mothers do to their daughters, I was taught from the moment I could appear to understand the words from my mother’s lips how to work in a home, how to clean the bathroom and toilet, how to be neat, how to take care of babies.
I believe today’s modern women will forever remain grateful for the invaluable lessons our mothers taught us on how to keep a home and I sincerely believe those teachings were wrapped with good intentions but I can’t help but feel that there was a grave mistake somewhere, something fundamentally important to our existence was left out of these lessons.
Some of our mothers did us a great injustice…

I spoke to a friend recently, one blessed with an amazing talent. When she sings you literally feel like the heavens have come down to earth, God’s spirit descends so strongly, you literally have goose bumps springing out of your skin. I personally feel that God has endowed her with talent that can place her on the league of worshippers like Juanita Bynum but the only snag is…

She doesn’t see this. She ONLY sees her future husband and kids; she already has plans for her future home, husband and kids. She says she is ready; she is neat, she can cook, she can keep a home, she is a wife material, complete with as many yards as necessary…

And that isn’t bad in itself, marriage is a beautiful thing but when I asked her what about you? What about your dreams? What about your purpose in life? What plans do you have to use you’re amazing gift to change your world? She went blank, totally mute. She gave me no tangible answer to my questions, just like many others I’ve asked in the past went blank.

I don’t blame her; I blame the world we grew up in. We were taught to be good wives and mothers, we were taught how to keep a home, but no one taught us to be something without a man. A great injustice was inadvertently done to us by our mothers and it needs to be turned right.

I had an argument with a friend when I was in final year in the university who believed that a woman was nothing without a man, she believed even when a woman achieved much, she was still empty if she was not married. I loved her as a friend but hated her ideas. I was appalled by the fact that a lawyer in the making could still hold such views in the 21st century.

Of course my friend and many others who had heard what I thought about that ridiculous stand as regards unmarried women tagged me a feminist but this isn’t about being a feminist, this is about the fact that women need to know that we are something even without the husband/kids.

We need to know that God has deposited a lot into us, and apart from commanding us to be fruitful, to multiply and fill the earth, He also wants us to manifest our light in this world, with or without a husband. We need to find the reason why we were created. We need to find our purpose on earth.

Our parents taught us to be good wives and mothers but we were created for more than the kids, for more than the husband, we are meant to fill a niche, to leave the world better than we found it. We are the solution to a problem; we are something even without the husband and kids.

Alice Walker in the colour purple said- “The Olinka girls do not believe girls should be educated. When I asked a mother why she thought this, she said: A girl is nothing to herself; only to her husband can she become something. ‘What can she become?’ I asked. ‘Why’, she said, ‘the mother of his children.’
‘But I am not the mother of anybody’s children’ I said,  ‘I am something’.”

Women arise. It is time to say like Margaret Thatcher-“One’s life must matter, Dennis, beyond all the cooking and cleaning and the children. One’s life must mean more than that I cannot die washing up a tea cup,”
We all know she didn’t die washing up teacups alone; she left a mark on not just her husband and kids but in the world. We can do the same.

Find your purpose. Find your niche and fill it. Manifest your light and glow. Be a complete woman. Use your gifts to touch this world in a way they will never forget. The world awaits your manifestation.

You cannot die washing up the teacups. You are something.

Photo Credit: fymproject.com
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Frances Okoro is a 20something year old lawyer in the making, consumed with the desire to be more and do more for Christ. You can read more from her at http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com and follow her on Twitter @Elegant_frances

Hephzibah Frances is a Lawyer and author currently based in Lagos Nigeria. She is an author of more than 15 books including the best-selling book “Prayers for your future husband”. She is a Voice for the Lord. She proclaims God to the Nations through her songs, books, podcasts, talk-shows, movies and the new media. Carrying God’s word to her generation on the wings of the wind. She is the founder of two women ministries, The Women At The Well and The Deborah Generation She is also the founder of Awakening Youthful Seeds For Christ Initiative a Non-Governmental Organisation focused on raising purposeful youths. She runs a business to help authors and aspiring authors BIRTH THEIR BOOK DREAMS at Beautiful Feet Publishing - Email: [email protected] for help with all things publishing and marketing your books. ***** KEEP IN TOUCH: Email her at [email protected] Follow Her On Social Media: On Facebook: HephzibahFrances On twitter @Hephzibahfran/ On instagram @hephzibahfrances Listen to her Podcasts At: Podcasts By Hephzibah Frances Watch her videos on her YouTube Channel at - Hephzibah Frances Read her blog at www.hephzibahfrances.com Download FREE eBooks written by her from here

52 Comments

  1. omoobanta

    April 2, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    thanks i needed this today.

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      thank you Omoobanta, I am glad this spoke to someone.

  2. Oluwabusola Adedire

    April 2, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    AMEN!!! This is gospel… Joyce Meyer remains one of my biggest inspirations in life.. It is never too late to find yourself and your purpose.

  3. tt

    April 2, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    BEAUTIFUL. I STRONGLY BELIEVE THIS AND I COULDL NOT HAVE SAID THIS BETTER

  4. PRESH

    April 2, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Thank you Frances for this…beyond the children,hubby,kitchen..what influence are you making?

  5. jirla

    April 2, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    This is great! what a refreshing point of view….marriage is wonderful but it is not everything. Women should not have to feel less just because they arent washing up, cooking and making babies.

  6. Anon

    April 2, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Thank you for this great article!

  7. mp

    April 2, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    well said!

  8. LIKE SERIOUSLY

    April 2, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Wow, thanks Frances.this is some real talk. We often forget that with all the responsibilities that come with having a family,its important to have your own dreams. Just like my mum always says “Displeasing your self to please others continuously is not of God”.

  9. whocares

    April 2, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    I am going to forward this BN link to other women I know. This was beautifully written and I wholeheartedly endorse the message!

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      thank you whocares, please spread the word..

  10. Lolade

    April 2, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Wow i really love this, it irritates me and saddens me that so many beautiful and successful women feel that having a man or husband validates them in some way and that when you dont have a man or aernt married by a certain age that your weird :/. Ladies know your worth you are somebody without a man.

  11. Lateefat

    April 2, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    This really sooth ma pain today. Thanks so much for this great write up, God Bless YOU!

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Amen Lateefat, God bless you too. I am very happy that this soothed your pain, whatever it maybe.
      You are something, look past the pain and never forget that.

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      Amen Lateefat, God bless you too. I am very happy that this soothed your pain, whatever it maybe.
      You are something, look past the pain and never forget that.

  12. Bide

    April 2, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Amen Sis,Amen

  13. Joan85

    April 2, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Arrgghhh thank you!
    Last Valentine’s day, I told a married ‘friend’ that I took myself out to dinner, went to see a movie, had mad fun all alone. She was shocked that I wasn’t panicking or wallowing in depression. Her response? “who does that? instead of you to be talking about a man taking you out and getting you married.” see someone tryna make me feel miserable without my consent o smh. I said well I’m enjoying my life till he finds me. I can take care of myself and be happy on my own. That is even more attractive.
    Before I become a wife and a mother, I am a daughter, a friend, a woman with goals and aspirations, a professional who is great at what I do. I am not less important because 30 is almost here. I know myself and what God has in store for me; my future husband is a very lucky man 🙂 A man is just the icing on the cake and marriage is an additional blessing to the good work that God has already begun in me. God deposited too much in my life for me to just let it all slide and go to waste.
    I wish we would all get it…

    • esteelauder

      April 2, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      I wish more women would think of themselves like this 🙂

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      ah Joan! your comment needs to be framed and given as a gift to all women-especially those sad because of the pressure on them.
      We are something, even before the man. he is really just an icing on the cake to me it all sweeter, but we should have a sweet life even before he comes. sweet, not a sour, empty and sad life

    • Hadassah

      April 3, 2014 at 10:27 am

      I just LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE your comment… stole it and tweeted it sef!
      Women celebrate yourselves… Marriage is just an icing on the cake….
      what’s the point of the icing when the cake itself is terrible…
      please focus on building you and finding your purpose… Trust me while you are busy with that.. Hubby will find himself to you
      we keep looking at the wrong places….
      oh well.. lemme end this before I write an epistle..
      Joan85.. Thanks again

  14. NaijaPikin

    April 2, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    I disagree with this. Most Nigerian children I know were pushed to be ambitious. Yes the push was towards being a Dr, Lawyer, Accountant, Engineer, Pharmacist, etc, but the educational push was there (Male or Female)

    Tell your parent someone else came 1st in your class and you automatically got a “does the person have 10 heads” answer.

    Saying girls were only groomed to become housewives is inaccurate.
    Saying some single women feel incomplete (despite high achievements) might be the argument you intended to present.

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      thank you naija pikin, I understand your point, but that wasn’t the argument I intended to push forth at all.
      Yes, most Nigerian children were pushed to be ambitious. but by whom? the fathers or mothers?
      I agree that most of us were taught to be high flyers even from kindergarten (I still remember the “you must carry first” things) but by whom were we taught? by our fathers or mothers?
      I agree that some mothers give their kids a balanced grooming, telling them that they can do more and be more than wives and mothers, and can also be whoever they want to be, aspire
      and achieve other things…but like my article says SOME(not all) mothers did us a great injustice..

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      thank you naija pikin, I understand your point, but that wasn’t the argument I intended to push forth at all.
      Yes, most Nigerian children were pushed to be ambitious. but by whom? the fathers or mothers?
      I agree that most of us were taught to be high flyers even from kindergarten (I still remember the “you must carry first” things) but by whom were we taught? by our fathers or mothers?
      I agree that some mothers give their kids a balanced grooming, telling them that they can do more and be more than wives and mothers, and can also be whoever they want to be, aspire
      and achieve other things…but like my article says SOME(not all) mothers did us a great injustice by not telling us that even without the husbands (which is all sweet and good) we can also leave the earth a better place by living forth all God has put in us..

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      April 2, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      You miss the point of the article. I was pressed too to become a doctor, to ‘come’ first to succeed. But I saw all the efforts concentrated in making me a better wife for some man. For e.g I was a tomboy growing up even now remove the hairdo, the make up, heely shoes and you have the tom boy back. If I were talking with my brothers all of us shouting at the top of our voices, my mum will shout ‘ This girl you are a woman, you shouldn’t be shouting, is that how you will be shouting in a man’s house? hence its ok for the guys to shout but not for a lady hence when u see these guys screaming you understand that no one ha told them it was wrong. Another scenario was when I jumped with my younger bro and a family friend from our the ist floor of our storey building, the woman who caught us kept screaming at me, you are a girl, if you break ur leg who will marry you, what will happen to you? Another time in school I had a little quarrel with a classmate who happened to be a guy, my teacher was scolding the guy in these words ‘if you injure her in any way, you must marry her by force, you cannot leave her unmarried and useless after you have injured her. hence if i were unmarried I would be ‘useless’ As a child I saw the way a very successful nurse (mid wife) was pitied cos she couldn’t get married. I heard people whispering of her inability to hook a husband. So in my infant head it was important to ‘come’ ist in class, it was ok to be intelligent and challenge guys to intellectual duels but know ye that marriage is the ultimate. If you couldn’t get married by any mishap physical or otherwise you were doomed’. I doubt if there is any lady who didn’t hear the phrase ‘is this how you will behave when you enter a man’s house?’ But then I dont think I will find many guys whose fathers took out time to teach them how to behave to women, how to treat them nicely and kindly mbanu! its always the woman that bears the lesson on how to run a family.

    • NIBU

      May 28, 2014 at 12:24 am

      Disagree with you. Even for the female kids, the push to excel academically was in order for her worth as a wife and mother to increase, hence the proverbial “what the woman can bring to the table”.
      At the end of the day, the academic and career achievements are a means to an end: be an educated accomplished wife to make your husband look good.

  15. Tincan

    April 2, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    Very, very well said. If I would I add anything (and I understand the angle you are coming from), it’ll be that Fathers also have a huge role to play. It was my Dad who taught me that I was no different to my brothers. It was my Dad who compared me to Cleopatra, Margaret Thatcher, Condoleeza Rice and many more. He was the one who made me see that I was no less a person and certainly had no less responsibilities in life because I happened to be female. If he was changing a bulb, you best believe we were all there learning how to do it and I am ever so grateful for that. It wasn’t that my Mum didn’t believe in these things, and she definitely was a high achiever in her own way, infact even moreso than my Dad, but she focused more on the spiritual, moral, domestics and education. So I really think it ought to be a joint effort and as I said I think you have the same view.

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      yes Tincan, my dad was more of the push towards achieving more in my life.
      And I agree with what you said, it wasn’t that my mom didn’t believe in such, she was just more focused on the grooming to be a perfect wife material. but it shouldn’t end there, that’s the point I tried to pass across.
      it wont be an aberration for moms to pass across the msg of being someone more than wives and mothers even as they groom us to be great mothers and wives..
      it wont hurt if its all balanced coming from their end.
      Thanks for your comment

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      yes Tincan, my dad was more of the push towards achieving more in my life.
      And I agree with what you said, it wasn’t that my mom didn’t believe in such, she was just more focused on the grooming to be a perfect wife material. but it shouldn’t end there, that’s the point I tried to pass across.
      it wont be an aberration for moms to pass across the msg of being someone more than wives and mothers even as they groom us to be great mothers and wives..
      it wont hurt if its all balanced coming from their end.
      Thanks for your comment

  16. Dr. N

    April 2, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Yay! Frances! I agree. It also helps if your children see you reaching for your dreams. Let them see you running the home and chasing purpose and u will have done half d work. A lot of women have abandoned their dreams, forgetting u can keep incubating, praying, researching, planning, while kids are young (if u choose not to work). When d time is right u’ll be prepared. For singles, passion is sexy. Most men want a motivated woman, as long as she makes little room for them. No excuse to give up on your dreams. drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  17. Nwachidinma

    April 2, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Love this! Thanks.

  18. Teni

    April 2, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Lovely write up,we need to preach it more. Some people will even make u feel like you are cursed cos you are not married at over 30,my mantra is “there’s no latecomer in marriage” so when am found,i marry and before then,i am something…

  19. @eloxie

    April 2, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Lovely piece Frances.
    I loved the build up and the refreshing insightfulness of this post but this did it for me,
    ‘Find your purpose. Find your niche and fill it. Manifest your light and glow. Be a complete woman. Use your gifts to touch this world in a way they will never forget. The world awaits your manifestation’.
    Thank you! THANK you!! THANK YOU!!!

  20. Chee

    April 2, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    I remember growing up and although I had fun and was also pushed to be ambitious … D clock started ticking once the suitors started coming and I’ll hear them say….”a woman’s time to marry and get it right is in her peak once that phase passes showed wouldn’t get it right again”…fast forward years later I am married and I know better ,I am happy,fulfilled and enjoying my career …even in marriage if you forget who you are and have no purpose ,u’ll loose value in a man eyes and happiness will elude you,to the single sistas..let the wait be for the right reasons not because he doesn’t have a Ferrari and PLS marry your friend!

    • frances

      April 2, 2014 at 9:59 pm

      thanks Chee, twas exactly what I wanted to add to Teni’s comment: that even after the marriage, “you are something”..
      I remember the Mr and Mrs movie, the scene where Nse actually remembered that wait oh, I have a masters in law oo…
      Its really possible to forget that we had dreams before the marriage, another reason why we have to marry well, marry a man that will support us and not push you down which boils down to marry not for the buggatti and all that (which is sweet, afterall who nor want money) but marry because of what he has inside, character et al…but then I digress again, back to the matter….
      we are something, we should never forget that. God help us all

    • Kemi Ajaja

      April 3, 2014 at 9:54 am

      This is an amazing article, Frances! And it resonates with all that I say and stand for. Young girls need to be educated better, not academically but morally and otherwise. A girl child is brought up with the belief that certain chores are reserved for boys and some for girls: girls wash dishes, sweep the floor, do the cooking but boys should not have to do so. Instead they wash daddy’s car, change the light bulb and do the manly things. Girls get dolls as presents while the boys get cars and bricks. There should be no difference in the training that a girl and a boy gets, the difference is already there in their biological make-up, if we don’t raise our boys to help their sisters take out their hair or iron their sister’s clothes or take turns at cooking dinner or making breakfast, how will they learn how to take care of their wives when they grow older or even support a wife in achieving her dreams? Such a boy will see a woman as a maid, someone who only takes care of the home, which in itself is a good thing but is not the only reason we as women are here. We have a voice, we are great decision makers, intelligent, smart, enterprising and knowledgable so like the Proverbs 31 woman, we should use our skills to better our world. A lot of women carry greatness within them to their graves, may that not be our portion! And in reply to what someone said earlier, yes a lot of parents support their daughters and want them to be lawyers and doctors etc but when that happen what is the next question? Oh now that you are done with school, Igba wo ni o ma mu oko wale o?” Meaning when will you bring husband home? The attention shifts immediately to marriage , husband and kids, and as long as the man takes care of her, no questions are asked, until the man passes away and his family take over all his belongings and the woman and kids are left with nothing. I have seen that scenario one too many times! We can and should do better. As a wife and mother myself, I can tell you for free that it is not easy but it is doable. With focus, determination, careful planning and lots of prayer, we can uncover our unique gift and use it to bless our world. Ask God to show you why He made you and once He has start using it in any way you can; i always say your church is the best place to start. And once you have mastered your art, train and mentor others to do the same. Remember, you are not a leader until you raise other leaders. Thank you again Frances for this timely reminder. May God bless you xx

  21. elox!events

    April 2, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    Thank you Frances a lot of women need this Lovely write up

  22. c'est moi

    April 3, 2014 at 9:15 am

    this is a lovely piece Frances. Nigerian women in Nigeria really need the push to start believing that being a woman is more than being a wife to your husband and mother to your kids. But then again, someone said something about a man being an ‘icing on the cake’ and that there is the mentality that worries me as sometimes, an innocent seed is planted but people twist and turn it to suit their personal purpose until it turns into pure evil both in the eyes of man and God!
    Let me start by saying my parents never groomed me to be a ‘wife’ or pushed me in that direction. I got married at 22 so maybe I hadn’t stayed in the house long enough for that side to come to light. My mum trained me to be a good woman. Even the Proverbs 21 that is the template for a virtuous woman summarises into a woman who is a blessing to her home and community. Now I wish I paid a little more attention to all that marriage entails, I always thought my mum will be physically there but here I am, alone in another country with my family and she’s there with hers.
    Each parent has a role to play in a child’s life. Some comments here talk about the dad giving the intellectual push while the mum gives the wife push. Personally, that is the perfect balance. That daughter should be happy that she got moulded all round. It doesn’t mean that it’s that way in all homes. Some mothers are actually the ones who really tell their daughters to make something amazing of their lives! When a mother tells her daughter in Nigeria to settle down early, I do not think she means bad. Excess of everything is bad so too much push definitely will have a negative effect but a lil push with a solid ‘I’m here for you’ will give the right result! A man isn’t an icing on the cake! Whether you accept it or not! A woman was created for a man and a man cannot function alone hence he NEEDS a woman! If you think I am wrong, wait till you are 50 without a family of your own and let us see how the achievements you have amassed will support you, protect you and be proud of you! Parents are supposed to give their kids all round grounding! They should teach their son’s to be good men, husbands and father; daughters good women, wives and mothers because at the end of the day, we all go out to hustle not just for ourselves, but so our husbands will be proud of us and our children will have the best support financially. If women start seeing men as an icing on the cake, in the no distant future, there won’t be homes but women with kids struggling thinking they can do it all on their own.
    Whether one accepts it or not, every man needs a woman, every woman needs a man and every child needs a home! Not just as an icing on the cake, if that’s what you want to be to your husband, feel free! But God created women and men to be in the core substance, the very detail that if taken out of the picture, your world would not remain thesame. Life is meaningful and beautiful because there is something to live for! Something to fight for and people who in their lives, we can never be replaced!

    • sassycassie

      April 3, 2014 at 9:34 am

      END OF STORY! LOVING THIS!

    • Loma

      April 3, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Frances has a point, but I have to agree completely with this. My mum as a homemaker passed on all the skills I needed to be a good wife and if she overemphasized some things in any was it was all to drive home the point the more, but she is a career woman and I learnt a lot from her. My dad on the other hand is more on the hand focused more on my career, making something of yourself. In the end it was a good balance. What I don’t want is people berating mothers or women for the knowledge only they can pass on to their daughters. I love my dad but he couldn’t have excel at both -domestication and career/ambition drive.

    • marculey

      September 6, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      So ur advice is, those under 25-30 should put their dreams away and start chasing after men even when they know the husband is nowhere to be found, definitely marriage is not by force nd it is also not a do or die affair, ur time will definitely come b4 50 by God’s grace but before then, the question is, what will u be doing with urself? My dear c’est moi u got married earlier enough nd I guess u married someone u loved that was ready to marry u then. Others didn’t get lucky as u did all they need now is to think straight, aim high, discover their potentials while they wait for the right man. No one is saying husbands / kids re wrong we’re all on the same track of being successful but we just have to get that “focus on marriage alone” thing off our minds practically. By so doing we can gain a home,give a balance equation to our homes nd our dreams, secure a good financial background, make a good mother nd still make a good name for ourselves on earth before passing on. U’ve got a point too we women need husbands but it’s shouldn’t be our one nd only goal. Thanks Frances

  23. Stephanie

    April 3, 2014 at 10:28 am

    Thanks Frances…wel done
    blogsvila.blogspot.com

  24. jaybee

    April 3, 2014 at 10:57 am

    c’est moi,well said,you gave an objective and balanced view to the article.

  25. Grace

    April 3, 2014 at 11:14 am

    @Frances Okoro,

    Good morning madam. I want to say a big thank you for sharing this write-up. I totally share your views and could identify myself at some points. Some people also tag me as a feminist each time I say a woman is not a slave, she is not an asset to any man, she is a human being just like all the men out there. They laugh at me and even say that if I do not change my mindset I will forever remain single, I will not find a man that will “condone” my feminist attitudes. But guess what, I am so proud of myself and I know GOD did not create me to live under the shadow of someone, GOD created me for a purpose and as you said I am a solution to a problem in this world, we are all solutions to different problems here on earth. Arise woman, stop killing your dreams to please the society, stop killing your dreams to please a man even if he is your husband or your husband to be. Woman you are special, you have something to offer to this world, arise and let your potential manifest, let the world profit from the gifts the Almighty GOD has deposited in you, you are great, do not allow someone to underrate you, do not allow people to underestimate you, you can do it. That dream you have been killing inside, that vision you have been pushing aside, follow it, pursue it, let it come true, you have the ability to do it and with GOD by your side you shall make it, you are a great woman in the making, you are about to bring your own personal contribution to the entire humanity. Arise woman and let the sky be your starting point. Thank you again madam Okoro, I shall not settle to less, I am worth it, I will fight for my dreams, I shall make it by the special grace of the Almighty, I am a great woman in the making. I wish you all a blissful day, may GOD be you with you, may success, happiness, good health conditions be your daily portion in Jesus name I prayed. Amen!!! One love to all!!!

  26. pretty miss

    April 3, 2014 at 11:54 am

    Lovely write up and lovely comments from the internet warriors. My sister would say, until you are alone and not lonely with your company, you are not yet ready for marriage and that is the truth.

    Not to really blame our mothers here, they taught us what they were handed down by their mothers who were also taught same by their mothers so the chain continues and it is really good to see women breaking out of that chain. I have come to REALLY understand that a man never completes a woman, he only compliments whom she is and what she is about and as long as she understands that, the world will be her oyster to become the best she can be either single or married.

    • c'est moi

      April 3, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      COMPLEMENT you mean??? well complement means to complete and that’s actually what one partner is supposed to do to the other.

    • Miss Anonymous

      April 4, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      He doesn’t complete her, she is complete on her own.

    • frances

      April 5, 2014 at 8:26 am

      thanks for your comment c’est moi.

      believe me, I’ve tried and tried not to reply with what I think but miss anonymous just said it all so pls permit me to reply to what you said.

      you made your good points and you are entitled to your opinion but no one completes any body but God. you have being created with all you need inside you.
      you can be happy and find joy within you on your own, no man/woman can ever complete you. you have to find that inside of you and only God can fill that void.
      what another man/woman can do is complement you, make the you you have discovered better and make your life sweeter.
      the mindset of someone completing you has wrecked havoc in the world. its the reason why women stay with abusive men. why? cuz they feel they need someone to make their lives have some meaning, but we don’t. the only one we need to make our lives have meaning is God. the others na jara.
      only God is the center of our being, and when you find yourself, know yourself, be happy on ur own, another will just come and make it better.

      we are helpmeets to men ba? meaning there must be something we are coming in to help him with and he has found that thing, he is not empty till we arrive to help. he knows what he wants, we only come in to help.
      so it is with women. we are all complete individuals even before the spouses.

  27. Adaora Vivian Egwuonwu

    April 5, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    GOD BLESS MEN LIKE YOU FRANCES. KEEP IT UP.

  28. Hannah

    April 7, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Great Article My Lady Frances…..the bottomline is that we all should find our passion, and be who God has called us to be. When you walk with God….there’s always a balance to everything. He makes us complete in every good work.

    phroonesis.wordpress.com

  29. ovweriavwose Sheila eseoghene

    April 9, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Big up girl. I believe in a purpose driven 21st century woman.

  30. Nelson Moi-meme

    April 17, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    Thanks to Frances for this wonderful article.But i also want to add something to this.
    IIts a thing of joy and pride to a man when his wife is fulfilling her dreams and reaching the peak of her career.But women should be overly concerned about their dreams that they forget their husband and kids.Women should aim to be successful but not so successful that wont be able to strike a balance for your career and your home.If your dreams has to come in the way of your home(husband and kids),….then you have to think it twice.

  31. Nelson Moi-meme

    April 17, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    I want to thank you Frances for this wonderful article.But i also want to add something to this.
    IIts a thing of joy and pride to a man when his wife is fulfilling her dreams and reaching the peak of her career.But women should be overly concerned about their dreams that they forget their husband and kids.Women should aim to be successful but not so successful that wont be able to strike a balance for your career and your home.If your dreams has to come in the way of your home(husband and kids),….then you have to think it twice.

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