I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago. Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.
And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear. For the first thing you worry about after saying ‘I love you’ is whether you will hear it back. And if you hear it back, then you begin immediately to worry that the love you have just found, you will lose. And so all action becomes a reaction—defense against loss—even as you seek to defend yourself against the loss of God. Yet if you knew Who You Are—that you are the most magnificent, the most remarkable, the most splendid being God has ever created—you would never fear. For who could reject such wondrous magnificence? Not even God could find fault in such a being. – ‘Conversations with God’ by Neale Don Walsch.
Many of us have struggled, seeking to find the perfect balance between feelings and logic. What it means to love, what it means to be loved, and what it means to let love go. You see, from the moment we are born, we are drawn to form a connection with others; indeed, this is how we are created. We have an abiding drive to bond, to love, to belong, to connect through words, touch, music, thoughts and deeds. In a perfect union, we find peace, release, acceptance, and in some cases we find the strength we cannot find in ourselves.
But this is not always the case. One of the most remarkable things I find about people is that when they do not have something, they pray so hard to God to bless them with it.
They say, ‘‘God bless me with a good man, a good wife.’’ They remind God how badly they need this and want that. And yet, when they do get that which they prayed so fervently for, they are so busy pining/being bitter for that which they once lost, that they cannot see the miracle right in front of their eyes.
Others are gracious enough to receive this miracle, but spend so much energy tearing it apart, dissecting it, because they are convinced that their miracle is too good to be true. This is such an irony.
In sharing my journey and listening to others, I have observed many things. Some things are freely given, often times, when you don’t deserve them. On the flip side, if someone does not give you their love, affection or time, don’t waste your life chasing them for these things. Because if any of these aren’t freely given, then it isn’t worth having. You deserve better, so move on. We are so quick to forget that life is short and unpredictable – that we are not here for a long time, but for a good time. Do your best and make it count.
Let’s be honest, you really cannot choose who to love; but you can choose who to spend your life and time with. Here is the time to find that balance between your feelings and common sense. The balance between emotions and intellect. The middle line between what you want and what you need to be a better version of yourself. Personally, the people I choose to spend my time with are the ones who make me a better person than when they met me and vice versa.
Simply put, if knowing you will leave me in a worse state than I was before I met you, or if my knowing you will leave you in a worse state than I met you, then let us not go there. We can be friendly…and leave it at that. This applies to friendships, relationships and business. This is a choice that I do not take lightly at all. So, yes please, love who you want, love hard, write poems, sing songs and fall harder. Love is unconditional and is freely given. Just know that you can choose who to be with. So choose wisely.
I find that it is a beautiful thing to honor the one your heart has chosen. Celebrate them, tell them and let them go if they don’t feel the same way or cannot commit to you at that time. The condition of your love shouldn’t be that your beloved must be there to receive it while you are feeling it and must feel the same way or fire and brimstone be upon them. If so, you are not in love, you are just afraid of being alone.
We need to understand that there are so many dichotomies in love and in life.
For instance, just because you can’t say something doesn’t mean you don’t want to. And just because you say something, does not mean that it is true. Interestingly, just because you can say something you really want to say, does not mean it’s a good time for the receiver to hear it.
Consider these also; you could be with a person and be happy with that person, but not be in love with them. On the other hand, you could be with a person, be unhappy with that person and still be in love with them. Or you could even love someone, and yet not want to be with that person for whatever reason.
(This is something it would seem men understand more than women, when they decide on whom to marry). Another interesting reality and twist to this is that you simply do not need to love someone to want them.
(Could also explain why people cheat).
When your brain tells you what you are supposed to want, (common sense) and what you actually want (desire) don’t add up, well… it is exhausting. And, it can feel very complicated.
We are social beings, and we are all afraid of being alone, living alone, dying alone. For loneliness kills, it devastates your soul and breeds bitterness. But herein lies the dichotomy and the truth. Living with someone who cannot love you back, even though you love them to pieces… is way lonelier than living alone.
And for those who are afraid of love, for those who are wary of letting someone in; know that although loving someone can hurt, to shield yourself so completely to not be loved by anyone, that hurts more. It is the loneliest any mortal can ever be.
So while you exercise your right to choose that which serves you best, remember, that sometimes, you have to be still, and let other people choose you.
______________________________________________________________________________________________Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega