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Isio Knows Better: Help Me, Domestically… Nothing Else

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As I walked the steps that lay between my car and the apartment, I found myself rubbing the silver bracelet that lay upon my left wrist. It was a Pandora piece, one of my favourites with the topaz seahorse charm. It was worth more than money to me and I wondered what would happen if I had lost it instead of the watch I had spent three hours combing my apartment for last night when many were sleeping soundly. I shuddered involuntarily and muttered a soft, “God forbid” under my breath.

Few minutes later, the domestic staff Faridat walks in. She was a dark skinned, wiry little thing but I liked her because she listened to corrections, showed up, did her job and left. She didn’t make unnecessary small talk, and she did not gossip.

As usual, she curtsied as she said, “good morning ma”.

As usual, I cringed before the reply. Really, did she really have to bend her knees?

I poured myself a cup of tea as Faridat busied herself with her duties. At some point last night, after the third hour searching for my favourite watch, I had begun to wonder if indeed Faridat had stolen the piece for it didn’t make any sense. I saw it, she came to clean and then I saw it not. And so I searched harder, desperate to find it. You wouldn’t believe where I found it. Tucked underneath a book on my bed-side table. Turned out she did not take it after-all, but had simply moved the book I kept underneath my pillow to my bed-side table. The book lay on top of the watch the whole time Hurricane De-laVega unearthed everything in every nook and cranny of my home in an insomniac frenzy. I smiled at the memory.

That was how the house became such a mess. I felt bad for her. I picked up some hangers, a broom and a ‘packer’ and went to assist Faridat. We worked in silence. I began to think about our general perception and treatment of our domestic staff and their perceptions of us (their employers). I wondered about Faridat’s life – the one she lived before meeting me. I wondered if she had been a victim of abuse or unjustly accused. I wondered what wondrous things I would learn about her and from her- should I encourage her to share her story…

Once I shared with a friend how uneasy I felt whenever Faridat bent her knees to greet me… that I was thinking of telling her to stop. Oh, the horror on my friend’s face! She said I shouldn’t dare. That most domestic staff didn’t respect boundaries- and that she might see it as weakness on my part and license to disrespect me in future. Hmmmmmmn.

According to her, many of these girls are groomed from their villages by their families to be at first hard-working and seemingly docile where in fact they are “agents of darkness and destruction” whose sole aim is to infiltrate their employers’ homes, bewitch Oga and displace Madam and breast-feed Madam’s baby. (Chineke!) Infact, some go as far as washing their ny*sh in oga’s ogbono soup and spitting in madam’s tea. (Oti o! Say it’s not true!)

Haaaaa!” she said, “it is very very true.” She asked if I had decided what kind of domestic help I was going to hire in my husband’s house. I said I had not given it much thought. She said to be very careful. Don’t hire a-somebody with gravity-resistant mammary glands, and definitely not one with a rotund ikebe. Apparently, those ones are deadly o. Because, that’s how those ones like moving up and down the house in front of Oga when Madam is out, forming I-want-to-sweep-the-cobwebs-off-the-ceiling-sir.

I laughed. But I am not naïve enough to doubt that such indiscretions exist between the help and the employer (be it male or female). I wondered what the story is from the perspective of domestic staffs and friends of Faridat. Some of them are violated by their Ogas, pursued relentlessly by Oga/Madam, abused and beaten. Some are starved, over-worked and under paid. Some are quite simply used like modern-slaves and seen and treated as less-than-human.

That being said, it would seem that there are ever so many things for the modern woman who hopes to balance a home and a successful career to worry about. After some research and talks with many other wives and madams, I realized how big an issue this actually is. Especially dealing with “helps from hell”. From the help sleeping with spouses, to abusing the kids, to sexually violating the kids (you wouldn’t believe how many people you know who were fondled inappropriately by their maids/cooks/drivers as kids). I heard about a male domestic staff who put his male organ into his employers’ baby’s mouth time and time again and ejaculated into it instead of actually feeding the baby like he was supposed to. (Jesus, why are people so evil?)

I have even heard about the metro-sexual man married to a beautiful woman he constantly frustrated by demanding 100% grooming and etiquette from all the time. The kasala com burst when she walked in on her husband munching the Sambisa forest of their wrapper-tying, armpit-smelling, crooked-teethed house-geh. (Na wa o. Tinz are ‘appunin’ under this our sun o!)

What about the help who was HIV positive and infected her boss’ 4-year old son by lacing his porridge with her menstrual blood? (Yuck, yuck, yuck. This wickedness no get part 2!)

Let us not forget the ones who steal, lie and gossip. What about those who arrange with armed-robbers/kidnappers to come shake-down their employers when they scold them?

Cause and effect…

Because we give strangers unparalled access into our lives, the effect is that they can choose to take advantage of our need and misbehave. Because reality has changed, life has evolved and responsibilities have magnified, more and more mothers are forced to contribute financially to their homes, and trust their children to people they hope will help them domestically. Please, do not take for granted how difficult this decision is to make for these women. Please do not take for granted how exhausting and time consuming it is to manage a marriage, to single-handedly manage a home and every aspect of house-keeping, and to raise a happy family. If you are a man and you have a better alternative for these women, please share. We are all learning.

Abeg o, Madamsies… abeg helep us too o. Save us from “helps from hell” by sharing your stories and lessons. So what do we do? Me, I say have someone come certain days a week, clean and go. Preferably an old, austere woman. No daughter of Eve with bouncing-ikebe shall be staying over with me o… No muscular Adam’s descendant shall be impregnating all the neighbour-hood girls under my roof. Lastly, thank God for mothers and electrical appliances like washing machines. I can’t shout biko.

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

106 Comments

  1. Tochi O!

    November 25, 2014 at 8:18 am

    Awwww….Isio came early today! Yaaaay!

  2. TANTRA

    November 25, 2014 at 8:34 am

    In most homes I know, if the house helps are treated right (like own children), they hardly misbehave. On two different occasions involving my friend and my sister’s pastor, the housegirls went for a crusade with the rest of the family. Anointing fell on them. They started confessing. They said they belonged to the occult world but couldn’t act because madam and oga were extremely nice to them.
    A lot of ogas are sexually hopeless. Should a maid cut off her buttocks and big breasts because she got a job? If Oga saw her as the daughter/sister, he wouldn’t harass her.
    My brother’s wife never lets the maid to clean her husband’s room or wash his clothes. If the maid starts washing undies, she may start getting ideas. She lets the maid concentrate on cleaning the house or the children’s clothes while she takes care of the husband.
    I would prefer a maid who comes in the morning and goes in the evening. I would treat a young maid like a sister and an old maid like a mother. We shouldn’t have a problem.
    Anyway, na God go save us from evil helpers and destiny killers.

    • Nahum

      November 25, 2014 at 9:57 am

      OH PLEASE STOP WITH THIS DAMN FAIRYTALE!!!!! I have had nothing but househelps from hell but yet I treat them like my blood. They have their own room and bathroom, they eat the same food we eat, they get paid well and on time, they dont cook for my husband, they dont wash underwear, YET these girls misbehave and rob me blind.!!! So stop with this lie that if you treat them right they wont misbehave. Look Isio, the truth is it is going to be very hard work, but if we can reduce our reliance on them, it will be better. First things first, dont get a live in, get one that comes and goes. Yes, that has its own security risks but it is better. Lock the bedroom doors when going out, cook your own damn food yourself, put your kids in daycare. Restrict them to just cleaning and laundry. Control your home as much as possible and then you reduce their power over your life.

    • Changing Faces

      November 25, 2014 at 10:03 am

      Saying that helps who are treated well behave is certainly not true. Some that have wicked employers behave better and stay longer. When you are nice, you’re mostly taken for granted. However I will not change myself for anyone, if you want to be maltreated, my house will never be the place for you. My motto is that anyone who decides to stay with me will leave my house better than she came, so I ask about their long term plans and do my best to help.

      For those talking about not having live in nannies, wait till you have 3 kids under 5 and a full time job. I know it’s doable, but a live in nanny begins to sound very attractive then.

      The least of my worries is seducing oga. For this to be an issue for many women shows the kind of trust issues that exist. Are most men really that randy? I think it’s even disrespectful to think so little of your partner. You should also keep your sisters who need accommodation away.

    • Nahum

      November 25, 2014 at 11:31 am

      I have two kids under 5 and no live in nanny with a full time job. Girl, it is hard as hell and sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind, but the hell I have been through at the hands of these househelps just pushes me to hang in there

    • queenbee

      November 26, 2014 at 9:54 am

      keep dreaming dear

    • Diuto

      November 28, 2014 at 4:40 am

      Even if u r saintly towards them d bad ones can pretend infront of u n stab u at ur back. If u like take her on hols to US wit ur family. Thank God I hav had a good one for yrs bt my friends tell me loads of horror stories

  3. Nnenna

    November 25, 2014 at 8:35 am

    You posted really early today isio, wetin happen, you dream last night? anyways back to the matter, it just reminded me of the Uganda housemaid that beat up that child because she threw up.. some people just come into your house straight from hell. God will help us but one has to be really careful, if you have the money, i suggest you bring in an help that is not from this africa continent sef. anyways cameras are really important and i support no live in maid mbok, not necessary to save my husband sef (if him like, make him no borrow sense and respect himself) but the sake of my dear kids.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 26, 2014 at 5:27 am

      Someone was just telling me last week that the new rage among women in Lagos is to hire maids from the Philippines who get remunerated in U.S. Dollars. However, I also heard the “madams” practicality seize their passports once they’ve settled the work permits and still treat them quite shoddily.

      Does anyone know if that’s really happening?

    • Nahum

      November 26, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      If the madams do that then that is horrible. We are no better than the Saudi Arabians that do same to African maids. That is slavery! Ladies please stop being lazy and try to do as much of your chores yourself. You made the decision to start and build a family, why are you leaving the care-taking of that family to a maid? She is supposed to ASSIST you, not do EVERYTHING for you

  4. Noms

    November 25, 2014 at 8:37 am

    Isio, De la hotttttttt.
    Coming back to comment .
    Make i work first.

    • Bleed Blue

      November 25, 2014 at 9:20 am

      Yeah forgot to mention. Isio why you so fiiiiiiiiiiiine???!!!!!

  5. benny

    November 25, 2014 at 8:40 am

    Na so unto plenty laugh and jokes, I show househelp pikin cloth wey she no wash well. Aunty vex shout for me say no be me employ am. Say she been de work for oga long before I show. Say make I no talk to am anyhow… AHHHHH!!! SEE FINISH!!!
    *adjusts accent*
    We now have new staff. From the watchmen to the maid to the cook. My rules are strict. And they all wear matching uniforms. Yup!!! There is “The boss” and then there is “The ‘boss’ of The Boss”.
    THE END!!!

    • Nahum

      November 25, 2014 at 9:59 am

      GBAM!!!!! Put them in uniform and dont play or joke with them. Maintain boundaries always!!!!

    • Mrs O!

      November 25, 2014 at 10:45 am

      Correct!!!

    • nene

      November 25, 2014 at 10:51 am

      gbam. i find that nigerians take familiarity and being nice as a way to insult you. they don’t understand courtesy. so i squeeze my face, but i am not wicked to them.

    • ms lala

      November 25, 2014 at 5:49 pm

      YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from the maid, to driver, gateman hell even the heifer selling you donut at a cafe in Ikoyi. once u smile too much, act decent before you know it , you start receiving free insults. I stayed with my uncle when i came to the Nigeria this past January, I always treat the staff like decent human beings, ask them how their day went, what they did before and I usually bring little things from the States for them. Omo in less than three days when i send message they hiss, roll their eyes and tell me Aunty you can do it nah, why you dey send me. even the male staff started asking me for my American number and if they can call me anytime. smh the line of boundary became blurred!!!!!!. the same with any Nigerian in Nigeria jor. even priests that wey family friends that i grew up knowing became waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to familiar with me. like what does my romantic life have to do with today’s Benedictions.

    • Kili

      November 26, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      True o Nene. I used to be so nice at work till people started over stepping their bounds. Omo na so I start to dey squeeze face o, So much that they started saying I had changed. Lol i dont give a damn.

    • Fashionista

      November 25, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Ah benny, my situation is very similar but mine is a guy. Extremely defiant and outright ignores my instructions only listens to my husband. I’m getting ready for him and its going to be a proper set up because the hubby is talking about “don’t fire him, just be a bit more patient”. Na real patient, just wait!

    • benny

      November 25, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      We will not rest until he is fired o. Sweetheart don’t play. Na their type de kill madam. Guys are the worst o. He has physical strength. Demand his sack before the year runs out. He is not Oga’s siamese twin mbok

    • cos I say so

      December 9, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Can u be my new best friend?

  6. TA

    November 25, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Yay! Today’s article was served bright and early. Well done Isio. Will be back to leave another comment.

  7. Personal Assistant

    November 25, 2014 at 9:07 am

    The help I have comes once a week and each time she leaves and I want to use my toothbrush and sponge, my mind wonders farrrrrr. Maybe its my toothbrush she used in scrubbing my toilet or she used my sponge for the bathroom. Also she finds a way to come and work whenever I am not around. Maybe I am just been paranoid sha.
    On another note, most people now carry out medical tests on their maids especially the live-in maids. Na so my sister carry one go hospital (she served in the hospital) for tests. Other members of staff kept telling her she should be positive about the girl’s state of health. The results were not out before she finished for the day, so she asked the maid to follow her and run an errand. While they were running the errand, the lab guy phoned her to say the girl is pregnant and has hepatitis. See gobe. Agent come carry your maid, agent number no gree go oh till after 2 hours. To avoid “na oga get belle” situation.
    Some of these maids even when they have clean bill of health physically, they are spiritually or mentally sick.
    But then some of them are so nice that they even become part of the family and not misuse the opportunities they have.
    Even some of the old maids also have agenda. Someone shared a story of how her maid, elderly woman who she calls mama carried her baby and was going out. The security called madam at work to ask if she sent mama on any errand. Madam said no. Mama was accosted at the estate gate. She confessed she wanted to give the mama to her childless daughter. Why steal when you can adopt
    When I marry (if I marry) na God go help me sha.

    • Nikky

      November 25, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      Yeah same thing happened when I was growing up. My mom’s friend took a look and told my mom the new maid was pregnant. My mom did not believe, they did test and she was and yup she knew. her village boyfriend impregnated her and they wanted to hush hush it and send her to us. Well, she was sent right back under friendly measures. came that christmas to see us in the village

  8. Que

    November 25, 2014 at 9:16 am

    Oooo! D tales of the help… speaking of babed up helps, I remember beinv about 11 and my mama was interviewing ladies for d role, and this evening one of the girls showed up, she must have been about 20 or so she seemed to me…she showed with fully packaged body, hips to booth, and clawy hot red nails that will make Rihanna ashamed…. my mum looked up from where she was breastfeeding and asked quietly, ‘…my sister you sure say na this work carry you come???….’ I almost died of laughter in my head…. she attended to her, thanked her for coming and told her she’d be in touch….but of course we all know say na there e end.

    Another came with spitirual issues….. my mum being the hyper sensitive person she is, was sooo restless in her spirit, till it all played out….d lady lasted a little over a week, and had to confess and leave promptly… that one ended getting help from villa moves.

    That said we had a good one for years, she was a young girl probably bout 17/18 when she started, till bout her mid to late 20s.., lived with us, went to school, went pretty much everywhere with us, and moved on when she was ready for the labour market….I still see her from time to time and we good…. sometimes you get lucky.

    I agree with your style Isio, these days I prefer pple who come in a couple times a week, work and go… that said when there’s a need for full time help, I just pray for a sane person, cos nothing guarantees anything….people continue to inspire shock regardless of their age, gender or even how good you treat em…. please get them all health screened and then make it a PRIORITY to monitor by all means necessary (physically, spiritually, cctv, etc) and available, and substitute human assistance with as much gadgets as u can….gadgets dont have life issues to worry about!

  9. Bleed Blue

    November 25, 2014 at 9:17 am

    We just moved back to Naija a few months ago. One of my main concerns was the house-help matter. I’d heard all these stories in Isio’s piece too and the one of snatching Oga from me was the absolute least of my worries. All I could and can still think about is my kids’ safety abeg (cue that horrible Ugandan nanny in that viral video!).

    So I got us a nice Akwa Ibom 27-yr old help, yes the proverbial ones who apparently do the most “snatching”. She seemed decent enough, was reeeeeeeeaaaaaaally skinny and was all about her Deeper Life church and tins; therefore wearing ankle length skirts and “unwordly” (aka colorless and over-sized) blouses and had on a scarf 24hrs of the day.

    Fast forward 3 months and I don’t know if it’s the same kitchen that’s producing our food but the sista has become all rounded and womanly with boobies for days, hips for miles and a booty to make Beyonce a tad bit jealous.

    I have to say she does a very good job of her chores, and my kids seem quite happy.

    Now I’m not one to stereotype and I didn’t hire her for her choice of church/clothes but rather for the good references and she sounded educated enough to interact with my kids…BUT is it my imagination or is my Akwa-Ibom-Deeper-Lifer suddenly swaying and swagging a bit more? And getting a bit bolder with her choice of clothes? And her scarf has suddenly disappeared off her head oh. Hian!

    #AmusedButAlert #AsIn #ThisKindTin #ButWhoHasEnergyForAllThisBiko #PerhapsTheGirlIsInSelfDiscoveryMode #SoLemmeFreeHerToDiscoverHerself #ButThenAgain #CannotComeAndBeWritingDearAuntyBella #Sigh

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 25, 2014 at 9:40 am

      Ah @Bleed Blue, your hash tags have kee mee o!

    • Tru

      November 25, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      as in!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

    • benny

      November 25, 2014 at 10:37 am

      Aunty mi fire her o. fire her. Or buy her uniform. Grey. Big. Square shaped. A little above the ankles. Sew shower cap like something with the same material and put on her head.
      Infact, fire her

    • gurl_wendy

      November 25, 2014 at 5:08 pm

      Lolllllll.

    • Easy n Gentle

      November 25, 2014 at 11:05 am

      LOL. The cannot come and be writing dear Aunty bella got me. Oh BN commentators (commenters), how did I ever live with you people?

    • Easy n Gentle

      November 25, 2014 at 11:06 am

      *without

    • Que

      November 25, 2014 at 12:14 pm

      That was d best tag! Lmao!!

    • mc

      November 25, 2014 at 11:38 am

      Hahahahahahahaah!!! OMG @#ButThenAgain #CannotComeAndBeWritingDearAuntyBella #Sigh. But you have a lil cause for concern sha. Keep your ears on the ground my dear.

    • Fashionista

      November 25, 2014 at 11:52 am

      LMAO!!! its true oh Bleed Blue, you cannot come and be doing “dear aunty bella, she seduced my husband” hian!

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      November 25, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Loooool! @ I can not come and be writing dear Aunty bella

    • slice

      November 25, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      o darling i don laugh tire. what your eye is seeing your eye is really seeing o.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 26, 2014 at 5:50 am

      Mayhaps she’s experiencing her own season of self-discovery as you’ve suggested… but “Aunty Bella” no go be your portion for this mata, my dear sister. Keep on tracking your observations.

  10. debbie

    November 25, 2014 at 9:19 am

    lol @ benny..i feel you
    on the other hand, i hope maids /potential maids dont find their way here, cos very soon, na all of dem go know about cctv cameras

  11. Sonique

    November 25, 2014 at 9:24 am

    You can never be too sure or too smart in handling issues like this…..you can have the ‘plywood-nyashed’, flat-chested, obese maid that will still look for a way to seduce oga..(Shey she no get punani?)….PRAYER remains the key…pray for your family and treat your staffs right so that your prayers can be answered…There also no harm in being cautious though but NEVER rely on your own understanding.

  12. Cindy_ib

    November 25, 2014 at 9:25 am

    Domestic staff or helps or whatever u call them, are in our lives as necessary evil. I choose to love mine same way I love my kids but at times they dont love you same way . They get brain washed by their peers at church or social gatherings where they meet with others like them. After a long day , I came back home to see mine packed and left my 4 kids all by themselves including my 9mth old son and the kids were left hungry , dirty and lonely .. My 9mth old son was in mess , he cried hell , hungry , even threw up on himself and was left unattended. Thanks to first daughter who managed to take of him the best she could. I tried to have an older woman , a widow and in her 40’s and she decides to seduce my husband . She goes down to turn off the generator and had her top just placed on her chest as soon as my door was opened , she intentionally drops her top and to her surprise she sees me and says ” I thought it was oga” so in my mind, so ur game plan is to show oga dat dry body of yours lol. Wonders shall never end.
    I still love them and remember I live my kids with them ..

  13. jhennique

    November 25, 2014 at 9:40 am

    lol. i have heard and seen toooooo many house help tales in my life to ever take a maid. its not easy! it never is but a stay n maid is a no no. nobody but immediate family will be entrusted with my kids. Human beings are wicked oh. The things iv heard with this my ears ehn. Its enough to make me wise. I would rather quit my job and handle my kids one at a time. even if it means having 2 kids in 10 years. God just help me! the world is too evil abeg.

    • Que

      November 25, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      You do realise that more than half the paedophilia and child abuse cases are perpetuated by them immediate family members who have been trusted to cater for d kids in their parents absence. I’m talking first cousins, uncles, aunties, etc…. so that brother or sister of yours that u grew up with, n feel like u can vouch for, may be just as bad as the stranger you dont know.

    • jhennique

      November 26, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      Im sorry miss but my family? i will trust them with my life!. Thats why i said immediate family only. Im not talking first couins or aunts or uncles. Im talking bout my parents and my sisters.

  14. honeyposh

    November 25, 2014 at 9:58 am

    our house help is one of a kind, so it seems my mum is the one mostly around with her, anytime i get back from work and she starts on all kinds of things she has been doing all day, i always feel like she is overdoing it…. from intentionally burning all clothes, to spoiling the gen,ac,electric kettle…God Wat cant Florence spoil?????
    not to forget she can sleep for Africa,while eating,washing even walking, so we make sure she sleeps first and she wakes up last also.
    my mum treats this girl like her last born,but omo she just cant learn
    During the sallah break recently, she was asked to go distribute food for the neighbors, and since she has started showing signs of development we let her go, she knocks on the neighbors apartment and gives each person in the house a big bowl of rice and meat, so food for 4 families my dearest housemaid gives to only 1 family.
    omo i weak wen i heard.
    no matter how you treat this maids, most are just evil and bent on frustrating you.

  15. ibkgeorge

    November 25, 2014 at 10:24 am

    Hmmm my rule no house help in my home at all. .No matter how you treat them they still misbehave.

  16. Deep Soul

    November 25, 2014 at 10:35 am

    This is a matter I agonized over a long period.

    I got my first help six months after I had my daughter and boy was I paranoid! But I can say I have been relatively very lucky in this regard because she’s been working for us for more than a year now. She comes at 7am every week day and leaves at 6pm. She works half day on saturdays and gets the day off on Sundays.

    In as much as some of these people can be “agents of hell” as some would say, I think it’s very important for the employers to be as humane as possible. I think it’s very important for these domestic staff to have a life outside your house, something else to look forward to. Hence my preference for them not living in my house.

    Another important factor is their wages. I hear people who complain and complain and when I ask how much they pay their help as salaries, they’ll tell me 7k. Why will you pay a human being 7k and expect them to work with blood and sweat? Some people will argue that they eat in their house. Ehen? And so what?

    I pay my help 20k, increased it to 25k this month, I’m mindful of her working hours, we have “MPR” periodically where we talk and I ask her if she has any complaints or is uncomfortable in any way, I also let her know if I have become uncomfortable with any new behavior, I hardly raise my voice at her, I NEVER hit her physically. I just try to be the nicest “madam” I can possibly be and so far, although we have had a few glitches here and there, I can say my method is working for me and I’m also fortunate to have found a good person.

    Oh, and before she started working for us, I carried out HIV, Pregnancy and Hepatitis B tests. I also intend to do a repeat test this week because the last test don tay.

    I have a friend who employed someone who was HIV POSITIVE and she had 3-month old twins at the time. I just thank God she did the test at all. The stories I have heard ehn!

    As for the area of husband snatching or my husband sleeping with her, that has never been my worry. If you have a husband who you think is capable of being snatched by your domestic staff, then the problem lies with your dear husband.

    • nene

      November 25, 2014 at 11:17 am

      i hope your maid stays the same. most times they get “advice” from people inside or outside your house, and the corruption begins.

    • tessa love

      November 28, 2014 at 10:50 am

      amazin method……keep it up

  17. Dr. N

    November 25, 2014 at 10:41 am

    I treat my live in like family n to make her stay, got a tutor to prepare her for WAEC n JAMB, despite a salary. Hope it works out.
    On a funny note, she knocked on my neighbour’s door one night, wt only a wrapper across her chest. She wanted to give him his clothes she unintentionally took from d line. The man looked out from d window n hid inside, refusing to open. She knocked harder, then left concluding he is mad. Lol. ‘Flee temptation’. I had to warn her about her dressing.
    My husband is her “father”, not a prospective catch. That is d attitude to imbibe

    • Dee

      November 25, 2014 at 10:56 am

      Na she imbibe abi na you imbibe the “father” attitude? As per how Bill Cosby was all those people’s “father” abi?

      DeyDereism is the diagnosis oh, my dear Dr. N

    • Dr. N

      November 25, 2014 at 8:30 pm

      Hahaha! You calling me out? Come on, promiscuous men don’t need your maid. How abt d sexy co workers?
      Pls this HIV blood in porridge, hmm, I don’t gerrrit.
      I think we should accept that they envy u your privileges so u should expect to have to teach them d benefits of loyalty.

    • Jo!

      November 25, 2014 at 11:06 am

      LOoooooooool. Responsible neighbour

  18. nene

    November 25, 2014 at 10:47 am

    after watching the video of the nanny who almost killed a child in uganda, my husband and i will find a way to care for our children without a maid. my mother and father will be there to help me. if i choose to hire a maid, it won’t be from nigeria, probably ghana or some other nice african country. and the maid will only be there to clean maybe once a week or something.

    • Banke

      November 25, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      As if hiring them from any other ‘african country’ would make a difference. You just heard that the one who almost killed a child is from Uganda. My dear, just hope to have a nice maid regardless of where they’re from…, ’cause choosing them by their country would be very unwise.

    • cos I say so

      December 9, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      Err last I heard… Uganda is a nice afriacan country!!!

  19. tee y

    November 25, 2014 at 11:02 am

    hmmmmmmm. this just reminded me of the video that went wild of that little baby that was abused my the maid. and i like how isio didn’t side either the employer or the domestic staff. coz its a two sided thing. i think i like the idea of the domestic staff coming to clean and leaving immediately when she’s done. wonderful write up isio.

  20. jay

    November 25, 2014 at 11:06 am

    hmmmm…even when you treat your maid as your own child and blood,it doesnt count mostimes o..we found out after two years of our maid staying with us that she was “DOING’ my den 6yr old brother..the tot of the lilttle child explaining how she would ask him to lick her PUNNANI and suck her boobs,suck his stuff too gave us sleepless nights.. apparently,shes been doing it from the village with her neighbour and even with her 6yr old broda too…I dont want to know how much chores i have in my house ooooooo….NO maid(s). I cnt even shout! God help us all cos this tins dnt happen only in homes. i remember at age 3,my mum would drop me at a neighbours house to go to work,i still was eating from my feeding bottle….instead of uncle dayo to give me my feeder,he would feed me his P*****. #yuck#…as i grew older and gave my mum the download of how uncle dayo use to put his KOKORO(wat i knew it as ,as a child),in my mouth,she almst went mad,she cursed his generation….lol

  21. Yea

    November 25, 2014 at 11:12 am

    There are some things I’m extremely scared of in life: not making heaven, sexual abuse of children and domestic help. I don’t think I will ever be able to bring myself to employ one.

    Our gateman self that does nothing personal but to open gate and wash car grew wings, let alone dos Eric staff

  22. Yea

    November 25, 2014 at 11:13 am

    *let alone domestic staff who will touch your personal stuff.

  23. mama ovie

    November 25, 2014 at 11:33 am

    I have a help that goes closes by 7 and come by 7 I pay her salary
    give her transport allowance, then give her money to make her hair every month I ask her what is her aspiration and she said teacher am trying to get her form for part time college of education
    in all these I repeat try the following you will be fine
    (1) don’t over work your help
    (2) give her time off so she could go on date
    (3) check her health periodically
    (4) talk to her and see where she is having difficulty in her work and life
    (5) make them see you as madam and friend so even if your oga dey approach am she fit tell you
    (6) Do not Hit them on no circumstance they are not Animals
    (7) make Your children respect them I.e. They should take her instructions seriously
    (8) DO NOT OWE THEM THIER SALARY EVEN IF IT BY ONE DAY
    (8) be prayerful
    my 6 month old son is used to my help than me sef

    • naana

      November 25, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      madam, it’s very good you have a great help and treating her well.
      good your child is used to her, dnt be surprised that after 3 yrs the now baby calls her MUMMY.
      let the child get used to you cos i know that a baby at 6 months knows who the mom is.

      a woman left her highly paid job because her kids addressedt heir nanny as mom when a visitor asked them about her.
      i believe having a nanny does not man be with the baby 24hrs and 1 second. mothers still need bond with their kids.
      *sorry for the article#

    • Nikky

      November 25, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      hahahahahaha I laugh iin Swahili. For your sake, i hope those 2cents nuggets of yours carry you through. back to my swahili laugh. mschewwwwwwwww

      p:s
      wait till the same maid whom you have done all these your tales by moonlight ideas changes before your very eyes. to believe, thats what you need to do and you will be fine…….ignorant much?

      change is the most constant thing in life and with that said, maid will change, you will change, your baby that clings to maid will change. you never hear of people or seen people that did all that and more and still it didnt turn out as they wanted?

    • jhennique

      November 26, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      they dont need to sleep in your house to wreck havoc

  24. Omoté

    November 25, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Isio thanks for anoda brilliant, informative n witty piece! U had me laffing dis morning, now back to the matter, my motto has always been ”clean up n go!” I dnt want a live-in maid, the wahala dat comes with it isn’t something to b enjoyed. I once caught d girl cleaning for me using d toilet in my room, she had left d door open. My first reaction was “what if it was my husband who had walked in???” After giving her severe warning nvr to try dat again n to use the visitors bathroom only she mouthed something like “ha! all dis plenty talk for ordinary piss again?” That was her last day. I got an older woman n I enjoyed her time with me. Right now I currently do d cleaning myself n it’s not been easy oh!

  25. oj

    November 25, 2014 at 11:48 am

    I will not have a housemaid o. I and my future husband (said in faith) will find a way to handle things without a maid. I can’t fit shout o! sexual abuse by maid is real.

  26. Jagbajantis

    November 25, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    One thing I have noticed is that Nigeria over the last few years has involved as a country where domestic servitude is becoming harder and harder to maintain. Back in the day, a domestic help would probably be someone from your home town or village, or the kin of a disadvantaged relative who allowed you take them to the city to help with chores in exchange for your promise to feed, house, or even train them. As a result the help had a certain loyalty to the employer as the employer knew the helps family back in the rural areas and could escalate bad behavior to them if the help misbehaved.

    Now Nigeria is evolving as a society. Disadvantaged people want more with their lives. This is an internet age and most people no matter how poor have access to mobile phones. It’s harder to find domestic staff who stay for years and years as it is used to be when I was growing up and we had helps who stayed with us for like 8years that my folks even sent them to secretarial school.

    And it will get even harder as Nigeria will eventually become like the west in that regard. Very soon domestic staff will attract near professional salaries and you may have to go through agencies to find most. It is surely getting there. People would just have to learn how to do their own chores themselves, and balance work and life. The era of birthing plenty kids and dumping them on domestic staff is ending. Sometimes the stress of monitoring your help and keeping them on the straight and narrow, is just as hard as just doing the damn chores yourself.

    As for oga smashing the help, that one is story. If he is built like that, he could even smash the neighbors help, so there’s nothing you can do to prevent that. He needs deliverance at one of those bar beach ministries.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      November 26, 2014 at 6:25 am

      I concur with all you have said and actually think it won’t be any bad thing if we evolve into a society where domestic help is rendered as a professional service commanding professional salaries/recognition.

      Even way back when the domestic worker was from a family related to yours (by blood or village kinship), there were still issues with having the secrets of your home life being read out like an open book when said worker went back home for holidays and informed the whole community about all those private matters. Or additional issues when it turns out a worker has been “planted” in your house for ulterior motives.

      Was speaking to some oyibos about the intermittent domestic helpers who visit their homes to clean, wash, iron and so on – the one thing which struck me was how strongly the oyibos relied on word-of-mouth recommendations for choosing domestic service providers because you need to trust a person’s reputation to let them come into your private living space and do all of that. This gives the service provider a good reason to work hard in preserving that reputation and if domestic help becomes more professional work in Nigeria, a lot of providers in that area will have to develop their business with similar considerations in mind if they want to retain clients.

  27. Es

    November 25, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    I know people think family members are better but Human beings will be human beings. I was assaulted sexually by an older cousin. Thank God I got the sense to fight him when he wanted to play in the bathroom and asked me to lie on the floor and proceeded to take off his pants. Another family friend/cousin of mine tried it…didn’t succeed. Another brother-in-law tried it… I also had another husband of my sister friend, try it by grabbing my ass. So please, just keep all videos in your house so we can find out what these crazy so called “family” members and house helps are doing in our absence. I haven’t even told my mother about all those family members… because she might just kill them.

    P.S It doesn’t matter how nice you are to your help, if they are evil, they are evil. Only God can save you.

  28. Anon

    November 25, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    It still beats my mind why the man cannot help out with domestic activities…after all, the woman is contributing financially. If parenting and domestic activities were handled by both the husband and wife, maybe just maybe it wouldn’t be too much of a burden for the woman. And there would be no need for “helps from hell”.

    • Nahum

      November 25, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      It starts with the woman demanding for it. My husband tried to play the he-man card with me and I chastised him seriously. Now he helps out very well

    • Nero

      November 26, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      Exactly

    • ugh

      November 27, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      Loud it!. Women have evolved to not only be caregivers but breadwinners. The men should pull their weight in the caregiving aspect. All are equally important to th smooth running of the household. Men need to stop holding on to their outdated definitions of manhood and become more involved with their family. Writing only a cheque does not a good father make.

  29. benita

    November 25, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    i remember growing up we had a very fat wicked help dat would smack us at d slightest thing der was a dsy my kid sister urinated on her body na so she throw my sister from her back oo losen d wrapper she take tye her hmmmm see wickedness ooo.she finished us no be small abi na money she still .IF I MARRY SHA I NO GO COLLECT HOUSEHELP BUT IT WONT BE EASY MANAGING THE HOUSE.

  30. MDee

    November 25, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    We had a maid who lived with us for years when I was younger. My mum gave her money for her business when she was leaving. She came back every year with story needing more money. Mumsie decided to educate the ex-maid’s son so he can have a future and reduce his mother’s burden.Na so the boy put poison in my fresh fish soup for no reason o!!! Please how much nicer could my mum have been? She was paying for his education, his parents’ house rent and his mother’s business. Yet he tried to poison us. I don’t believe in maids. Abeg if you enter my house and you think it is too dirty you have two options. 1) leave. 2) carry broom, scrubbing brush, mop and start cleaning.

  31. sussie

    November 25, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Did I hear someone call out ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger’? hehehehehehehe

  32. Demi

    November 25, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    Personally, I believe in non-resident domestic helps or staff. You come, do your work and go. I don’t have to be part of your personal lives or emotions; employer-employee relationship. Just, like the one I have with my employer, I can’t tell a 20 something year old not to have a boyfriend when my own teenage cousins are having theirs, I don’t expect them not to live their own lives, have friends and build their own home & family etc. but being part of these or seeing these cause trouble, friction and strife when the person is leaving with you. This arrangement also limits exposure to unpleasant situations/experiences of stealing, crossing of boundaries etc. However, I understand this may not work for everyone based on our different lifestyles and need.
    A friend has this arrangement which I have fallen in love with… The domestic help resumes at about 5am in the morning and closes at about 7:30am when madam is leaving for work. She has an after school arrangement for her children or they go to grandpa’s from where she picks them and they head home together in the evening after work.
    Please we must always treat others as we want to be treated. So please be good to your domestic helps/staff; don’t dress them in rags, abuse them verbally or otherwise. When you go to church or mosque let them not be too busy tending to you and your kids’ every need, they also need to grow spiritually… which would be to your benefit; let them hear the sermon, dance and also worship God after all God is their God too! This would help them loosen up, feel well, see better and know better than the stereotypes they have been fed with, have seen or experienced.
    I had a conversation with a colleague who was trying to justify why her friend should hit the domestic staff (a grown young woman) because she was too careless… I told her I would never agree to anyone hitting an adult and asked her how she would feel if her superiors at the office starting hitting her too for her mistakes and incompetency…of course she retorted that no one could try that. I pointed out to her that the house help is also at her duty post and should not be abused verbally or otherwise simply because she’s uneducated and less privileged! How many of you can hit your siblings or in-laws when they wrong you or show indiscretion… SO LET THE HELP GO IF YOU CAN’T COPE WITH THEIR ISSUES!
    Maybe when domestic staff/helps start suing their employers and claiming damages then we would start giving them the respect every human being deserves!
    Lastly, keep your eyes and heart open. Create enabling environment for your children to talk to you freely. Give them a bath sometimes and spend time with them so that nothing passes you by. A child almost lost one of her legs… she fell in the bathroom when the help/nanny was given her a bath (not a toddler o). It was not mentioned to the parents for weeks. It was almost too late when they got to Igbobi!

  33. Radiant

    November 25, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Well, it is a no for me and God will help me!!!

    A house help killed my six month old sister. Another house help sexually molested me and my brother.

    Need I say more?

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      November 25, 2014 at 4:19 pm

      Oh my! I’m so sorry.

    • jhennique

      November 26, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      Oh Lord!

  34. Fabulicious

    November 25, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    It’s only God that will save us…Truly women are trying. The number of women who strive to balance it all just because they don’t need all these horrendous stories from nannies or helps are becoming plenty.As for me,The thought of it has helped me with family planning sef.If we can’t have them,we will close “shop” until the baby can at least be enrolled in pre skl at 1yr 6months before we can open “shop”and it has been working so far.

  35. wendy

    November 25, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Thanks @ mama ovie:
    Thanks…I keep telling people to be nice to their maids..Maids are workers. How would you feel if your boss at work treats you like you treat your maid????? I have a cousin who went thru 4 maids within the space of one month…they come and go..I have told her to do her stuff herself but she is too lazy..She has three kids. Some are old enough to handle certain things. She is a full time house wife…But oh nooo!!! She sooooo believe in having a maid…So, I was like to her then keep enjoying the maid headache.. My sister was a full time working mum. She bought up three children with no maids. She did everything all by self.
    Laziness and madam syndrome also plays a big part in I must have a Maid also known as my slave…
    As for me sha, what you really need is someone to come clean your house, do your laundry and Iron…you should be able to take care of the rest…

    • oj

      November 25, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      some women are lazy sha! full time housewife and she has a maid. I bet u her kids would grow up not knowing how to do house chores cos housemaid will be a slave to them.

    • Diuto

      November 28, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      Until u have worked in her shoee dont criticise. Stay at home mums r much more busy than working mums. Jus try it n compare. I’m a working mum by the way

  36. ty

    November 25, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    It is good to treat a maid well but doing so does not guarantee that the maid will appreciate your kind gestures. I recently got a maid who i thought was well-behaved when she just resumed. I went out of my way to be kind, fed her very well, did not overwork her, gave her clothes and toiletries.
    A week after her resumption, she started misbehaving. She would sleep on the couch in the sitting room, steal food, disobey direct instructions etc. Infact, I’ve never met anyone so brazen. She’d laugh if I was talking to my husband and one day my husband even caught playing with his phone. I’m sure she did all these things because I simply would not hit her, no matter what she did. She just kept getting worse.
    I eventually sent her away. It’s not been easy juggling work, son, husband since then, but I know I don’t have a choice. Not interested in any maid-related drama.

    • wendy

      November 25, 2014 at 4:33 pm

      It seems that food is big issue for people…You should not be praised for feeding someone. Africans always see food as a big thing. What is food??? you eat it and pass it out..nothing… Why did she begin to steal your food? Was she taking it home to her family or was she eating it at your place?

    • ty

      November 26, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      Wendy, it is not about seeing food as a big issue and no one is asking for praise for feeding someone. If I always ask you when I serve you if what I’m serving you is enough and you tell me it’s sufficient for you, and I feed you at least three times a day and give you snacks and drinks between meals, I see no reason why you should steal more food. In addition, she was not just stealing food, she was doing many other nasty things which I mentioned in my comment. The point is if she was stealing food, she would definitely look for things other than food to steal. I was just trying to illustrate that I treated her very well.
      Lastly, I do not see what difference the purpose of the theft makes. Stealing is stealing. Whether to eat or give out. By the way, she was stealing to eat.

  37. ade

    November 25, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Just wish we could return to our culture where consceince and family values were very good. for many years now i have been debating if women should really pursue career at the expense of family and children.

    dont get me wrong i have both and i love both but when i hear stories like these i sincerely think deeply.

    anyways i am yet to conclude on those thots but in the meantime these are my strategies although every decision has a price tag in this matter:

    1. my first option is family members. sibblings and mother-in-law
    my sibling are now grown so they are no longer an option. my mother in law recently lost her husband (f-i-l) so we put up a mini flat within the compound and got her to move over with a maid to help while she oversees the children after school. i am concious of the risks but i am managing to cordinate the relationship for the sake of my children. so far it seems good since she is happy to be close to all only son and grand children. generally we are friends but i know the limits and dont expect too much. this way the children are under the supervision of a stakeholder

    2. becuase she is old if i have to change this arranement, my option will be an older nanny. som1 over 50yrs old with grown children and good referal.. i saw this while growing up and it worked for the family. they even took her to amerca when they relocated. her last born then was in the university. so she could leave them to return home to on her offdays. usually at weekends.

    i have heard weird stories about these elderly nannies but i still think i can bear with them compared with the younger one.

    • benny

      November 25, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      You must be really young. “If I have to change the arrangement” meaning if you and mother inlaw can’t work it out, u think u can simply send her back or tell her you no longer need her help. Haha! You go like to begin browse new wedding gown o.
      Relatives are worse cos when they do you strong thing, it is not as easy as “park ur load and go” or police station.

    • jboogie

      November 25, 2014 at 8:51 pm

      Benny, I believe ade prefaced that statement with “because she is old”.How did you automatically conclude that she must be young???

    • benny

      November 26, 2014 at 3:22 am

      Mama is old was used for the need for an older nanny. you must be really young was used to equate naivety in a rather toned down way but Sambo Sherlock Holmes over here had to force it outta me. *sigh*

  38. Nikky

    November 25, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    “What about the help who was HIV positive and infected her boss’ 4-year old son by lacing his porridge with her menstrual blood? ”

    Is this naija movie ‘cos really, HIV does not work this way.

  39. True story

    November 25, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    House help (male) beheads the Madam of the house,steals the car and runs way….. true story. On the other hand my sis has had a help for more than a decade and I have a friend whose help actually got married from her house. A decision to admit someone into your home should be done prayerfully before it’s taken not afterwards as is often the case. Cos truth is u can never tell.

  40. Anjiesmum

    November 25, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    i currently live in Asia, and you know how they are skinny and always in skimpy clothes,initially my helper wore only long skirts( she is muslim) and jeans anyway now 10 months down the line she is in shorts however seducing my husband was not my greatest concern. my fear was maltreating my son but i must say God has really blessed me with her she loves him like her son and i at times have to scold her not to spoil him. obviously helpers are humans and have their own quirks,days they are moody,sad etc i just take it all in stride she is so good with my son i overlook some minor things she is a nanny,teacher, playmate, cleaner and cook rolled in one.
    now i dread coming back home and searching all over again maybe i can bring her with me…..

  41. S!

    November 25, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    Who has seen the movie ‘Itoro’?

  42. lagosmummy

    November 25, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Please, i am convinced now more than ever that no matter how m=nice you treat them, they just do what they want anyway. i have had a nanny for about 3 years now, initially she was amazing, and we treated her well too, paid her on time, she had her own apartment fully furnished with own kitchen and we bought her foodstuffs every month. this was minus her salary which was never late. we bought her things whenever we travelled, asked her what she wanted to do, she said go back to school, we said okay when our son is in primary school you can go to school, we will pay. only for her to start misbehaving the last 6 months or so, you tell her off and one single apology wouldnt come out of her mouth, instead she willl barely greet you in the morning. It is almost like they are ‘following’ her from the village, because i honestly dont know how much nicer i could possibly treat her, she doesnt cook or clean or wash for me, she just essentially plays with my child, she neither bathes nor cooks his meals (except for making eba or something like that) so i am honestly baffled. she has announced that she wants to leave and i cant wait to let her go myself as im tired. heres hoping we get a decent one next.

  43. Blackbeauty

    November 25, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    Hmm…. Things to ponder. I’m a new bride, less than two months. I have always said I would get a maid(not live in o) if I ever felt the need for one but frankly, these stories are scary. God help us.

  44. Onye

    November 26, 2014 at 2:37 am

    What about the husbands nko? Can’t they help?

  45. Me

    November 26, 2014 at 9:37 am

    I was really surprised and happy to see the part where Isio talked about house helps abusing children; I was abused as a young girl severally by a house-girl and one of my male who we called “small uncle”. I look back now and realize that this disturbing trend is really common; its incredible how some people exploit innocent children to meet their sexual, horny needs.
    Oh, how these events shaped my life . . .

  46. Muna

    November 26, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Mehn, I have 2 little kids (2 year old, & 1 year old, yeah) and no househelp. luckily like Isio said “thank God for mothers and electrical appliances like washing machines” cos I have both. My Mum is the best thing that has happened to me these last 2+ years, i don’t even have words, she came for omugwo when I had Laurel, stayed till I had Pearl, and up till now. she takes care of everything domestic and the kids after school. even though she still wants to be back in her own home, she just takes pity on me, full-time work and all. I don’t know what I’ll do when she goes, I fear another omugwo from my sister or brother cos she’ll have to leave. But I’m sure I wont get a househelp o, i dey fear. my neighbour just recovered from one runaway househelp harrowing experience. the girl was found at mowe-ofada and returned by a good Samaritan after 3 days (thank God!), she said she was going back to Ibadan! my neighbour sent her back to her parents on the next ‘flight’ kia kia.

  47. le coco

    November 26, 2014 at 11:57 am

    the problem is that we dont believe that older women can do house chores.. trust me.. they are better.. the dont give attitude and they treat ur children the way they wld treat theirs.. my last maid was about 47 and she was just phenominal.. plus u dont have to worry about her snatching OGA after all she is older…
    nigerians are too fond of taking small small girls… how many times havhe i gone into a house and seen a maid who was much younger than the employers children.. sometyms i wonder.. shouldnt that girl be in skool.. or those 20 something women who bring their boyfriends in the house to have sex when children are present. GET AN ELDERLY WOMAN .. #olderwomenrock..

  48. God help us

    November 29, 2014 at 6:18 am

    My tales with my help! Hmmm God help us. My hubbys cousin lived with me for 7 YRS and she was harsh with d kids,untidy and always moody(I made sure I treated her well) sometimes her sister will visit without pre information and stay for one week or so,i still condoned it but all of a sudden I noticed she really grew wings,she would condemn anything I do,her sister will tell me to my face that the kitchen is my office and my MIL comes to my house nothing less than 3 times every week and both of them will sit down and discuss me! Chai I don suffer sotey one day I told her of all d errands I do in a day and she blurted(na u say make u marry now) cos I was going to work with my 5 months old baby then(i put him in a car seat) while I drive mean while my Bro in law who is over 30 lives in my house and doesn’t have a job but feels to big to do school runs so cos it’s not so tedious,i go with my child to work and on my way to school runs I stop by @ d mkt and shop for groceries,my hubby being a big,rich man doesn’t do any household chores but he was poor enough to decide that I be the one to cater for all food

    expenses @ home because he’s investing.. his relatives troop to d house and his mother connives with d help in question to cart away food items and cooked food in d morning believing it’s her sons money and this same MIL will sometimes be waiting in d afternoon when I come back with d kids to tell me I should have prepared for the kids something to eat before they come back forgetting that in d morning she has already eaten and carted away d rest of d food I would have reserved for them,she was always finding faults with everything I did when d girl finished writing waec,on a random check one day I discovered she’s been taking alcohol sachets and hiding away in her bag cos i’ve been askinf for who’s taking alcohol,i saw 70 k stashed in d bank and told hubby about it lo and behold they all took sides with her that d dad was sending the money to her and said I should give it back to her which I did and before I knew it she opened an acct,hubby now said she should go to d village and stay a while and MIL was disturbing that we bring her back and we went hoping she’ll say she doesn’t want to stay again but the parents made her say she wants to come back to our house(we told them she’ll be trained in d university) the matter was suspended after it took her ages to say that she acts d way she does because that’s how she is,we came back and suggested to MIL that she stay with her since we all live in d same area but she vehemently refused(she stays with her hubby in a comfy 3 bedroom apartment)while I stay with her son and anoda relative) my friends laugh @ me while some people call me fuji house of commotion cos Of d way people troop to my house. Now MIL is mounting pressure on d son again,should I allow him bring the girl back?

    • GLB

      January 5, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      Hmm, Why will your MIL refuse to let her stay with her if she insists she should come back? So she can continue clearing your pantry? Her papa for village send am 70k? I dont mean to scare you but you need to install a camera outside the girl’s bedroom asap!

  49. God help us

    November 29, 2014 at 6:21 am

    #stashed in her bag#

  50. married

    December 3, 2014 at 9:09 am

    NOOOO!!!!!!!! Your husband is actually your problem not his family. He needs to set those boundaries. Find a neutral help and refuse all family members.

  51. christabel

    January 15, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    I have laughed my insides out. As for house help,it’s a no-no for me. Only my gate man sef dey give me headache. Imagine my former gateman tellin me that I can only send him on errands in the morning/afternoon but nt in the evening,that evenings is his free time.

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