Life is full of uncertainties. Have a plan B, C, D, E…was the tweet of the year as far as my good friend Ochuko was concerned. That tweet summed up her reasons for having 2 side-boos. “All these men cannot be trusted you know”, she would always say. Her rather spurious point of view got me thinking about this whole concept of having a backup plan in a relationship all in the bid to minimize unwanted heartache. Did Chiwetalu Agu not say that a man who chases two rats will definitely lose both?
Whatever you choose to call it: fall-back partner, plan B, backup, spare tyre, just in case partner, standby, the fact remains that a few of us are like Ochuko…hopefully not worse (2 is too much o)
Hey guys! I don’t mean to make you feel paranoid about your relationship but there’s 50-50 chance that your partner has already handpicked your replacement in case your relationship turns sour and this substitution is usually an old flame. Other candidates might include a colleague, gym buddy, brother at church, *insert more here*.
There are arguments for and against the idea of having a backup in a relationship. #TeamNoBackUp would say pro-backup reeks of low self-esteem, selfishness and a lack of integrity. For #TeamNoBackUp, relationships with back-ups often lack 2 vital elements for a successful relationship – honesty and trust, plus when you have a backup, you tend to give up on your relationship at the slightest provocation, even when your partner is oblivious of what he/she has done wrong.
#TeamBackUpBiko would play the “do not keep all your eggs in one basket” card. For them, it is backup all the way until one has started planning THE wedding and picking out IV samples and all. They preach it is the wise thing to do if you do not want to be left high and dry by some douchebag, unless you are omniscient, in this case having absolute knowledge of how your relationship will pan out. They argue that if one can have backup for every other thing in life, why not a backup lover, especially since matters of the heart are as delicate and fickle as they come. #TeamBackUpBiko also do not mind revealing the identity of their backups to their current partners. I really do not know how this works but I hear it induces fear in their partners and they tend to put in a lot more effort in pleasing their mates.
I think I’d like to align with #TeamNoBackUp and no, not because Le Boo will read this, but because Bradley Cooper is taken.
A backup plan goes against the very essence of romantic relationships –total love and trust for your partner. Having a backup only illuminates the deficiencies in your current relationship – deceit, lack of communication and…wait for it…INSECURITY! Falling in love (for real) comes with the whole package – the good times and the not-so-good times (minus physical assault o). If you put 100% into your relationship, what time would you have for a backup? Always remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
My 2 cents would be: If you have to put all your eggs in one basket, at least boil them and then hand them over to God. That is your own “work or action” accompanying your “faith”. And if you want to keep your options open, please keep your legs closed while you at it.
I still strongly feel you could have Plan Bs for every other thing in life but not for matters of the heart…somehow, I consider it a selfish and wicked thing to do to your mate and to the backup. Some sisters are still praying to Baba God for one and you’re there keeping the few good men as backup? Diaris God o! If you have strong feelings for your backup, then your current partner was definitely not your guy to begin with.
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang