I vaguely remember the first day of this year, but I do remember being on the phone with one of my best friends Katia and looking out the window as I told her my grand plan for 2014. I was going to incorporate a Waffi parable that Mother had said to me. It was simple… anywhere wey cloth wan tear, make e tear. What this meant was that it is not every patch-patch in your wrapper you must use your hand to hide – life gives wear and tear to any wrapper. Attempting to hide every tear in every spot meant that you cannot even concentrate on moving. Sometimes you just gatz to let it go, and slay the hell out of that patch-patch wrapper as is. All na design.
2014 was also a pivotal year for me, as the first year of my thirties. I had previously decided that dire lessons learnt from past mistakes would not repeat themselves. I became more aware. And my awareness whispered to me the simple secret to my budding Awakening.
Don’t wait. Don’t wait to go/come. Don’t wait to hear, to see, to feel or do something. Don’t wait to love, don’t wait to be loved. And most importantly, don’t waste your life trying to figure someone or something out. Make no excuses. See things for what they are, not what you would like them to be. It is what it is, until it is not…then it is something else.
And then I lost my father after a four-year struggle with Parkinson’s, and things got intense, and blurry. The cocktail of emotions I felt cannot be described with words. Looking back now, I am aware that I lived through those moments but can’t seem to connect to many of those memories. All of a sudden it was September and I realized that I had managed a slew of activities and even flourished in some of those moments. I had changed apartments, danced, ran, worked, failed, succeeded, sang, cried, travelled, travelled some more, laughed, networked and cooked a lot. All on auto-pilot. That was the colour of my grief.
Still, no regrets. There was still time. I dedicated myself to feeling every moment.
Naturally, I turned my attention towards the affairs of my company IDDS. It was doing well enough in spite of the Months of the Great Blur. Not great, but well enough. In great concern, I sought out three of my mentors in the design industry who told me to keep the faith. Apparently IDDS wasn’t doing badly for an 18 month old Design Service firm. Auto-pilot Me had designed and designed and kept on creating, unhindered by lost pitches. I am glad for that, because the tide turned so suddenly that when the jobs came, it didn’t just rain – it poured.
In 2014, something that looked like love kept finding me. It courted me, flanked me and came in different forms, nudging me to come a little closer… luring me into its false embrace. But I stayed back. I took a step back from the mist that guaranteed me a twisted version of what I wished for myself. It was a seductive offering that veiled its true gifts: the promise of a future of endurance and meaningless struggle. That was the opposite of that which I wished myself: the extraordinary, the meaningful, the sublime.
And then one day, I wept after turning away from yet another offering – I wept in a dark corner, I did. Not because I was fearful, or sad… but because I had chosen to apply that which I had learnt at greattttttttttt cost – that the bitterness of a wrong choice remains long after the sweetness of its seduction is forgotten.
That was the moment of my awakening. I was growing.
I felt joyful…content. I started to dance again. And sing… I sang a lot. Many around me didn’t understand why I was so happy. How dare she? She who had nothing? Shiorrrrrr!
But I did. I had everything… contentment was joy, joy brought peace, and peace of mind was everything.
In 2014, I made new friends and lost some old ones – some los’ me sef!. It is life… things end so that others can begin. In 2014, my beloved 5 year Liberty Jeep Silver showed me pepper, better one, but still managed to serve me well in spite of it. In between shelling out some serious kudi to get her fixed, I began prophesying to Jehovah Jireh that I would have a new one before the end of the year. It is still two days until the end of the year, and I still confess the car of my dreams into my life. In fact, just so God does not confuse my order, (abeg Explorer no be Explorer o, sweet Jesus, dem get grade…) I drove to the Ford Centre and took a picture of the exact model and colour of the one I desire. Fear no gree me ask for price. My God is a rich God, no shaking.
In 2014 I also got frustrated with my natural hair. Three years I have been growing the blasted thing and have had to keep cutting it because it is giving me by force dada aka dreadlocks. And then once I asked my elder sister to help take out a weave and she kukuma helped me barber the whole sides from the roots. I wasn’t just angry, my eyeballs were HOT! No more fixing weaves for me henceforth. Le boo tells me my shaka-shaka woolly hair is beautiful (in spite of my glaring dragon-eyes and epic sulking), so therefore awon aye gatzz to take me like that ni yen mehhhn.
In summary, 2014 has been a profound mix. Everything thing was just as it should have been to lead me to this very moment… me, in my home, sitting on my favourite sofa, cradled in the love of the most precious ones to me and sipping my favourite chai tea after wacking two croissants. Well, PHCN no still bring light, and my neighbour’s gen dey do gbudu-gbudu–gbuuuuuuuuu like an unending bad metallic song. At least I have ears that can hear. I am aware enough to know that being able to hear the noise (however distracting it might be) is a blessing in itself, while accepting that that’s life in Las Gidi. Life is a treasure, and I am just honoured to be able to live it.
What two words best describe 2014 for you and what do you hope 2015 will be?
As for 2015, for me- it will be a Rebirth. Time to fly away from all those ashes.
Don’t be afraid to dust your tail, spread your wings and soar. And if we jam for road please know that I shall be giving you three Igbo kwenu back handshakes and screaming like a banshee when you see me cruising my brand new, white automobile AKA the one God is going to buy for me before the end of the year. *giving Heaven serious side-eyes*
See you at the top my lovelies. Magnificence awaits. xx