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Aunty Bella: Miss. Stuck Between Two Proposals



???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.


I’m a 26 year old lady ready to settle down and I have been receiving a series of proposals. There are two guys I am seriously considering Guy A and Guy B.

Guy A I love so much and can do anything to please him. Ever since I met him, he has asked me for money twice. I came across a picture of him getting married to a very old white lady which led me to lose my trust in him, but I still love him a lot. But I don’t see a secure future both financially and emotionally.

Guy B is a very mature guy who is 16 years older than me. He encourages me a lot and helps me build my career. He is desperate to marry me but I know I feel nothing for him … maybe because of the age difference or his Igbotic tongue which can be very discouraging. But with him I see a very secure future both financially and emotionally.

I need advice – who do I marry?

~ Amara

Photo Credit: Sophielouise |


  1. Taiwo

    March 11, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    ti e ba e!

    • nira

      March 11, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      OMG….taiwo u got me rolling on the floor with laughter. Buy seriously babe, must u marry any of them and must you marry now?

    • blah blah

      March 12, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      Hmmmn, shey you will wait small and come back to ask us in 15 years time?
      This is what idleness can do to a 26 year old.

  2. chelle

    March 11, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    must you marry any of the two?

    • ada nnewi

      March 11, 2015 at 6:03 pm

      My exact thoughts…

    • Kunmi

      March 11, 2015 at 7:05 pm

      Ah, she must oh! Didn’t you see “I’m a 26 year old ready to settle down”? You want her to miss the crown for those that get married before they turn 27?

      Sister Amara, you must be trolling by asking us about Guy A so I wouldn’t even bother.

      Guy B: The only thing attracting you to Guy B is his money. I don’t know which kain secure emotional future you claim to see with a guy you feel nothing for. Be honest with ya self. Gold digging is allowed…is allowed. Lol I play too much, but speaking from my aunty’s experience, you will come to resent him someday. Money really isn’t everything. Like Dr N said, there are women on Forbes’ list of billionaires. You can achieve that secure financial future yourself.

      Bottomline: don’t marry either one. Guy A is a joke, and it would be unfair to Guy B to marry him.

    • Tomi

      March 13, 2015 at 2:10 pm

      Lol everything about your commen had me “LOL-ing”

  3. aro

    March 11, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    None Abeg

  4. Sisi

    March 11, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    Are you still asking? Nne use your tongue and count your teeth, go for guy B irrespective of the age difference or his igbotic tongue. Reminds me of the story of a friend, his dad had that same igbotic tongue and all but was very mature and financially secure, his mum still married him and made sure they traveled a lot to get exposure.
    Fast forward few years later, nna bros has completely changed, igbotic tongue, dressing and all and by the way you know what they say about rebuilding trust right

  5. Open Sesama

    March 11, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    But if this other guy is married to an old white lady as you said, why are you asking us what you should do na?

    Also, I’m not sure why complete strangers should give anyone advise on who to marry. Please take this question to your God, family & friends who love and care for you and have your best interest at heart and most of all know you better than we do.

  6. za

    March 11, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    Guy B

  7. Joan85

    March 11, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    Uwa a bu pawpaw mehn!!! Some ladies are trying to choose between two marriage proposals, other sisters don’t even have someone saying hello to them let alone proposing marriage. This life sha!!! *sigh*

    Sister Amara, Guy A will show you pepper if you go that route. But then, Guy B is acting in desperation and you feel nothing. Both situations get k-leg. Will I be mean/unreasonable if I say that you should wait for your own husband because you haven’t met him yet (assuming the other proposals you mentioned are not in the running)? I know at 26, asking you to wait sounds risky (at least in the Naija context), but starting over/waiting isn’t always a bad idea. I did…at 28…best decision I ever made 🙂

    • nira

      March 11, 2015 at 7:25 pm

      I just love you already joan85, couldnt have said it better.

  8. Dr.N

    March 11, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    Nne, I na-acho di or financially secure future? Are u for real? Women r on d Forbes’ list of billionaires O! Think am, baby think am well.

  9. TEE

    March 11, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    None! Don’t be stupid..

  10. Anonymous

    March 11, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Marry ‘Guy C’

    • Shannie

      March 12, 2015 at 3:30 pm


  11. rhonyi

    March 11, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    It happens to girls most times. The one you love (that you know deep in your heart there’s no future with) and the ‘mature’ one. It’s safer to go for guy b. I was in this situation when I was 21. I didn’t marry either of them. I felt I still had time esp since I wasnt compatible with the older guy (personalities, we always clashed over Lil things)
    I’ll choose the older man if I were you, his igbotic accent doesn’t make him less capable of taking care of you. And that can be worked on. Please don’t set unnecessary standards. He can’t be ‘perfect’

  12. puzzles

    March 11, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Guy A is a natural disaster: RUN!

    As for Guy B, for me sha, 16 years gap is too much o. and marriage life is a long time, too long to spend with someone you don’t love.

    I understand your fears. Our situations are similar: we are age-mates, single and desire to get married. But you need to ask yourself: Do I want to be married or happily married? Both situations are different because happiness does not depend on marital status.

    So, my dear, think hard, pray hard, seek the advice of those you respect and trust to give an honest opinion, then make a decision that you are comfortable with. Wishing you the best.

  13. Fluffball

    March 11, 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Please! I do not think you are ready to get married. You need to have substantial time on your own, discover yourself and plan your future and work at it. Clearly “A” is a no go area and you have pointed out things you have a problem with. Marriage will not make them go away. You are not even sure if he is honest with you. “B” obviously sounds like you are in a hurry to get married. Plan your future and career, build good friendships and nurture healthy relationships. You should not approach marriage like a raffle draw. It would be wise to wait and above all you should not be a financial liability to anyone.

  14. idomagirl

    March 11, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    None. The other one is still married to the white woman abi? And the second one you feel nothing for, plus he’s way older than you. Nne give yourself some space, something better will surely come. Marriage is for life, better to take your time than to be miserable.

  15. SEEN ALL

    March 11, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Two proposals? girls you have rich people’s problem. A secured future is all a woman wants not a Modle, Use your head think ahead

  16. sum1special

    March 11, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    please take this advice and marry none. You are still young and would find someone more suitable. Dont settle for less…please…Never do that

  17. Leah

    March 11, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    From what I understand from the short post, you are two timing both guys and hedging your bets. Guy A is using you and you are using the older guy and quite frankly you do not deserve the older guy. The problem is you need to grow up first, find yourself and what you want before you even begin to talk about marriage. When you say “series of proposals”, do you mean walking down the streets or are you seeing series of men? I ask because in this day and age, no decent man proposes to any woman he does not know/or in a serious relationship with.

    Being 26 does not mean you are mature enough to be in a marriage because you are playing games you should have played in your late teens and early twenties. You use those years to date a bunch of guys, have fun and figure out who matches your personality and beliefs. I personally think 26 is still young, because I don’t see myself being married at that age. You need to be in a serious relationship mentally and physically with someone before you start talking about marriage and you don’t sound like you are there yet. Trust me, when you grow up, you will never even be with a man you have issues with his age and “igbotic tongue” (whatever that means) in the first place.
    To answer your question though, go with Guy A, sounds like you two are a better match character wise and you love him right?

    • Jay

      March 12, 2015 at 5:07 pm

      Leah, I like your comment but I do not like the end.

      Author, do NOT go for Guy A, he is married; that’s a recipe for disaster. If he loves and respects you, he wouldn’t have married another in the 1st place. The other one, you’re using him, (sorry to say), and it’s clear you don’t love and respect him. Also, the age difference is way too much. Not in this day and age. The issue with marrying a guy that old is, he expects you to reason on the same level with him; they always forget the age difference. I personally cannot marry anyone who is more than 10 years older than me. 10 even is quite a lot. Marriage is not a joke. Marry someone who you both love each other, who you can both accept each other for who you both truly are, and someone you can build a life with. Finally, from your note, it’s clear you’re not really ready and mature for marriage. Don’t be in a rush. If guy A or B were truly for you, you won’t even be asking this question. And you know it.
      The people who are pressurising you to get married, (if any) won’t be there to face the challenges with you. Although I’m 21, I think I’ve made small sense.

  18. Duchess Maria

    March 11, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    You go fear JAMB QUESTION na.

  19. jas

    March 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm

    Sweerie .none of the above. They are not the last men on earth

  20. *Real* Nice Anon

    March 11, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    None of the above Miss. 26 is pretty young still so do not despair and wait for someone else.

    Women sef! We too dey love this whole jumping into something with our eyes open and then going on SDK to cry about it later. How can the poster not see that she shouldn’t even be considering ANY of these men to begin with?

    • CYNIM

      March 11, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      Looool SDK part got me…Chronicles of life

  21. Omoj

    March 11, 2015 at 6:52 pm

    Be patient. For you to ask, you have not found the right man yet. Be prayerful also. When I was 28, most of my friends were married. By this age, I had dated rich, poor, opportunist and some immature. During those period, I found out who I was and who I needed to be. I remembered my pastor randomly noticed I was getting desperate and ask me to travel the world, loose weight(ouch) and enjoy life. While the loose weight part hurts, it was the truth. I took the advice. I travelled, invested in self help books( read Steve Harvey book- think like a Man) and lost some weight. Fast forward to age 34, I knew who I was, more mature and attracted men with like able values. I was independent and attracted same. I got married to the best man heaven created. When I met him, I did not have to ask anyone whether he was right for me. I just introduced him!!!! We dated for 7 months and got engaged. Then planned one of the best wedding money can have because we could afford it. Now we have a beautiful daughter and we are forever grateful to God.
    Please note that some may be ready to be married at 21, others may need to wait(like myself) to mature psychologically. Wish you the best!!!!

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      March 11, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      I get what that’s like especially being a tad older and not married in our culture. It is so easy for people to chip in with their unsolicited opinions. LOL @ your pastor telling you to lose weight.

    • Carliforniabawlar

      March 11, 2015 at 7:24 pm

      I feel like I am exactly were you were at 28 right now! I have let family and friends alike convince me that its time to get married….but really, I’m starting to think not. I meet all these guys and my new found zeal for companionship goes poof! it’s either they’re all missing the xfactor or something in me is just not ready. Thanks for sharing.

      Plus I’m impressed by how eloquently you narrated your account. I felt like I was reading the preface to a book…lol.

  22. lami

    March 11, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    Babe marry none of them,well except u are rily desperate for d ‘moni’ it’s a disaster choosing to spend the rest of ur life with someone u feel absolutely nothing for. Pls think and rethink. All d best

  23. Asake-Okin

    March 11, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    I think the question should be directed to you. Why do you want to get married? Is it because others are doing it? is it societal pressure? companionship? or you are truly ready?

    One of my sister once told me, when you meet him – You will know.

    Earlier in the year, i wrote a post on marriage and i will share two quotes/ paragraphs from it with the hope that it might help you in understanding what marriage is ( btw, i am not an expert, i haven’t taken the bold step myself)

    1. Over the years, I have learnt marriage is not perfect; it is not one size fit all, it is not the solution to all your problems, and it is also not a quick getaway. I look at marriage as a one way trip where there will be misunderstanding with the customs officials, turbulence, sometimes stop over, might be quickies with the hostess or other passengers, excellent and bad food, high and low altitude, longer stay in the toilet, boring and exciting in-flight entertainment, duty free, temporary change of seat, technical and mechanical fault and additional crew members. The duration of this trip can be longer than 40years, have you ask yourself if you really want to be the co-pilot? What will make you change your final destination? What will make you stick to the pilot or co-pilot when the engine is faulty? What will make another flight offering enticing?” Asake-Okin

    2. “The magic isn’t in getting married; the magic is in staying married. In the pursuit of relationship we can all search for people to live with but there is somebody out there you will find if you are fortunate enough that you cannot live without” David Talbert – director Baggage Claim

    Before you thinking about dating or settling down – You need to ask yourself what am i willing to compromise and what are my values – accent and age is not a big deal if the person has the character you desire, look beyond the surface.

    I wish you all the best in your decision making, remember none of BN readers will be in the marriage with you, you and the selected man are the one in the marriage – we can joke or take this seriously but this decision has to come from within.. God bless you

  24. nira

    March 11, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    I love u omoj, i’m 29 turning 30 soon, and yes I have also dated, I am more experienced and I know who I am and what I want..just that my story is not complete like yours, I have met that special person yet but I know that God is still writing my story. My advise to ladies is please, dont get married because everybody is doing so, do it for you. Because if u re doing it for you, you would be getting married for the right reasons.( dont know If i’m making sense here. I m not a gifted writer like Isio, make I carry myself waka go)

  25. Ajiro

    March 11, 2015 at 7:47 pm

    You must not marry any of them, you are just 26. Focus on God and other things. And God will bring the right one to you, you won’t have to be asking BN for help.


    March 11, 2015 at 7:53 pm

    You are NOT ready to settle down.When you are ready, Bring us a tale of a man who loves you and you love back. Bye!

  27. Dd

    March 11, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    You are really confused. Some pple ask very childish questions dat makes you wonder if they are matured enough to settle down. You obviously do not love Guy B and believe Guy A has no future and yet u are asking us who will u marry wen u obviously aint interested in both. Give your heart to CHRIST

  28. Maye

    March 11, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    If you ask me na who I go ask,the matter whey you see so e heavy for mouth (Omowunmi).Anyway don’t mind me..I’m not in the best position to advice you on this issue.go to a counsellor or advice yourself on what you want.remember you’re the one that would live with the man not me.

  29. Drknite

    March 11, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    Girl, you should marry me. Your future will be secure financially and my tongue works wonder. However, I can’t make any promises on you being satisfied emotionally.

  30. Iris

    March 11, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    Holy ghost fire! After seeing the headline I was about to cry ‘Father why not me?’ and ‘tap into’ this blessing of two proposals and then I read the article. We have the liar with infidelity traits screaming from yonder versus the suspiciously desperate man you’re not in love with. Nne it is not that serious please. Or if you think it is, only you can decide whether you prefer abject poverty or a lifelong / recurring case of crabs.

  31. Iris

    March 11, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    In fact I just realized both crabs and lack of money come from the same person. In that case you can choose between brokenness and crabs or boredom and crabs (which you might get from having the wandering eye that comes from marrying someone you don’t care for). Long story short, if you don’t want crabs, you know what to do. Employ the common sense Jehovah has equipped you with at age 26 and keep looking.

    You go fear question.

    • Iris

      March 11, 2015 at 9:04 pm


  32. ebonyprincess

    March 11, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    There’s no issue here. If A is already married then u can’t have two proposals. Abi u wan be second wife ni? The only proposal I see here is from B. And as to that u say u have no feelings for him. My dear wait a bit n take it to God in prayers. U are jus 26 not too old and not too young so relax n don’t pressure yourself.

  33. Sunshine

    March 11, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    Seriously, you’re not going to heed advice from total strangers like us. Stop lying and refrain from asking this self-serving question. Eyes rolling!!!

  34. SeriouslyMe

    March 11, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    None…..simple as that!

  35. Belema

    March 11, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    See my dear, its your life you are gambling with like this o! The worse part is that of all the attributes you listed, non of them even have the important things to look out for in a life partner. I do understand that picking a life partner at your age an be confusing at times.( I’m currently in a bit of confusion myself, but the confusion alone is a confirmation that I am not ready to take the bold step). Take a step back commit yourself to discovering yourself and your creator and He will settle the rest at the right time. Don’t be in a hurry.

    @Bellanaija please could this question go out to Married BN readers. If you could come back to this world again, will you marry your current spouse? Give reasons for your answer.

    You will be surprised at the answers you get.Maybe it will help all these people eager to jump into marriage understand that , the fact you are a Mrs or Mr does not solve all life problems. Marriage is an blessing, a ministry among other things. Wait patiently for your time biko.
    p.s @asake-okin I like your plane ride illustration.

  36. Controversial

    March 11, 2015 at 11:52 pm

    ‘I have been receiving a series of proposals. There are two guys I am seriously considering Guy A and Guy B’

    Kontinu, you hear? You are two timing, three timing, four timing. My prayer is that you lose both of them.

    The one wey pain me pass is that out of all the comments, prolly one condemned her act. All others saw nothing wrong in what she is doing. If it is a guy combining two, three chics together and giving them false hope, you will see how all of them be raining curses on him.

    They are not just two they are plenty. A random street/platonic male friend cannot just be proposing, it must be more than platonic friendship to propose.

    It shall not be well for morality. Infact God punish devil. See all d notable names/commenters on BN falling my hand big time. When Isio wrote about her bf two timing, they were all oh-ing and ah-ing. Any guy for this planet wey dey do one -timing is the highest mugu and maga for this world

    Gender equality my foot and arse. Guys wake up. did you see that what they care about is financial security? See guys, never date any girl wey no get anything or an upcoming chic. Marry high or marry someone who got what you got as well. Na b4 b4 love blind. This naija chic own, dia own love na financial security dey sabi. Did you see one of dem say gold digging is allowed?

    Guys, you see this? abeg step up your game. 50 babes join togeda
    Dey sample all of dem dey go
    chop and clean mouth
    collect their money join
    pack you car, collect theirs and use
    when its time to decide, go marry one akata cos these hoes aint loyal

    You dey fear one babe to naked herself to curse you? forget my guy
    No curse can catch any man God blesses. No curse fit catch your Israel

    Ashewo oshi

    BN voltrons, come after me and be barren all the days of your life to your generation unborn. You say your own, i say my own. Waka pass jejely if you no wan carry wetin your head no fit resolve all d days of your life.

  37. Anon

    March 12, 2015 at 12:08 am

    Join the sisters convent, that’s where your Solution is . Thank me later

  38. kemi

    March 12, 2015 at 12:48 am

    are u seriosly askn????? NONE ABEG u neva reach ur final busstop

  39. DiamondPrissy

    March 12, 2015 at 2:13 am

    You should marry neither. It’s not necessary! The second guy you obviously do not love, so why even consider it? Do you want to marry for love and the fact you have something in common, or just for security? If that is the case, I don’t think you are ready for marriage. Why not be secure in yourself before settling down?

    The first guy is definitely dodgey and reminds me of what I discuss in my latest blog post: ‘True love? Or ticket to permanent residency?’ Check it out!

    Know your worth!

  40. Efee

    March 12, 2015 at 2:59 am

    Y’all are hilarious….reading comments really is the icing on the proverbial cake…[email protected] @Puzzles & @Omoj hit the nail, in my view….All the best Amara!

  41. PD Young Billionaire

    March 12, 2015 at 4:08 am

    None!You dont have to marry now. Fast,pray n ask God to give you signs.When the right person comes,you will be at peace and not on BN asking for advice.

  42. Seun D

    March 12, 2015 at 5:13 am

    Guy A Clearly!!!

  43. jefka

    March 12, 2015 at 6:43 am

    this girl is a clown.
    it is people lyk u dt will end up with 5divorces, no money and will prolly die of depression.
    u r very greedy, wicked, naive and obviously lack the fear of God which is d beginning of wisdom.
    see u calling my igbo broda igbotic, cheiiiiiiiiii………
    u re a fraud and u forget karma is a bitch.
    better go and pray for deliverance, it seems like ur village people r after u.

  44. Ralph(askralphblog)

    March 12, 2015 at 7:32 am

    You can still give yourself a little time. You know it isn’t always about what you can gain from them. Because if you gain all the financial stability and happiness you can from them but still can’t return the same happiness to them then it still wouldn’t work. When they get frustrated at you things will still end up the same way they would if you were the one not happy. So If you want a relationship that will last. I think you should think about more than yourself. I do not think you are greedy or anything like that. I just think there are parts of this situation that you do not fully understand yet. Or maybe you aren’t concentrating well due to desperation. Try to relax and think very well. Do not rush into anything with anybody if you aren’t fully ready for it. Time is scary in this situation but do not let it lead you to a future you will regret

    You can also write to me with [email protected] or check out my blog for more help. I give direct help and answers to general life issues and I will never judge you. Hope you get to make the right decision. Best of luck

  45. jas

    March 12, 2015 at 8:36 am

    Sweerie. None of the above.they are not the last mean on earth

  46. jas

    March 12, 2015 at 8:37 am


  47. oy

    March 12, 2015 at 9:04 am

    N O N E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! permit to say you havent met your husband yet, wait a little longer, it wont be long anymore, you’ll see. you’ll praise God for it. it is worth the wait.

  48. ALert!

    March 12, 2015 at 9:41 am

    Dear Amara..You saw a picture of someone you want to marry, married to an old white lady and you let it pass without confronting the issue? Seriously???

    I won’t judge, but then you did not give enough details to really discern your situation. Are you two timing on the two? I have questions but don’t want to stress on it. My dear, your are just 26, take a back seat and re-analyse..

  49. jhennique

    March 12, 2015 at 11:47 am

    LOL! Babe! wait for your own husband abeg

  50. God's Gold

    March 12, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    I grew up in the UK I started getting marriage proposals since age 17. People used to warn me to choose a suitor quick because by the time I get to 25 people will stop coming. I am glad I did not listen and waited. I had suitors span from Deacons- Billionaires. A man’s integrity for me is the critical decider for me. Wealth can be acquired, looks like can even change but character is difficult to reshape. My husband is the best choice he loves God, does not play with his family and loves me sincerely. He is a man of integrity and I love him dearly, married at 30.

  51. oy

    March 12, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    @God’s gold… lovely comment. i agree

  52. Younglady

    March 12, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    Like Martha, you are worrying over the wrong thing. Be like Mary, Sit at the feet of Jesus. None of them is WORTH it. Really the word WORTH should be your measuring stick in making any decision. And then again. When the right one comes, you’ll know! You will not need to ask anybody. Pray to God to give you the courage to act courageously(by picking None and waiting for your Mr Right. Also pray to God to give you grace to worry less.

  53. fleur

    March 12, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    All this na question? You don’t even seem enamored with anyone. You are just measuring the weights that hang around them. What is within them? That is what you should be worried about.

  54. moi

    March 13, 2015 at 8:50 am

    None! Must you marry now/either one of them???

  55. Tomi

    March 13, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Sweetheart, the plain truth is that you shouldn’t marry any of them and I’m not even sure you should be considering any of them.

    Guy A is certainly out of the equation. With regards to guy B, you said you feel nothing for him, then why would you consider it? You’re only 26, there’s no rush. Even if you’re 36, I’ll still say the same. Be content in your singleness, walk in your God-given purpose, enjoy yourself and just relax. It’s not an abomination to be single. You’re 100% remaining single and happy for the rest of your life than being in a unhappy marriage. Marriage is forever!

    P.S- I’m not married yet but I’m content and happy.

  56. Truth

    March 13, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    leave that igbotic language and focus on God and love before water go pass garri abi u no wan marry? marriage is for matured minds and not for babes. So, build your mind to a state of maturity before you think of marriage. Because, in marriage, there is no going back.

  57. Ruky Valour

    March 13, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    Leave the igbotic language

  58. Truth

    March 13, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    Leave the igbotic language .

  59. ANNA

    March 13, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    Search your self (spirit, soul and body) and wake up from the delusion.

  60. omokehinde

    March 19, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    With the way you just narrated? NONE!

  61. jessy

    April 18, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    guy A is a play kk

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