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Aunty Bella: Miss. Was It Adultery?

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

The below left as a comment under Glory Edozien‘s feature, “Whose Man is He?”, asking if BN readers can enter a relationship with someone who is already in one.

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???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????So last Friday, I hooked up with this ex-colleague of mine to see a late night movie. This ex-colleague of mine is a newlywed, say two years… The movie ended at around 11.30 pm, and somehow he convinced me that we should spend the night in a nearby guest house…

In the very dead of the night, he started trying to touch me, giving me some kind soft kisses that made everything moral I had learnt escape from my brain. Although, I tried to resist, brethren I tried, but he came on so strongly that I had to give in, I kissed him, deeply and passionately, and all that stuff, till he came.

I woke up the next morning feeling very bad, I know I should have refused when he was talking about spending the night, but I thought I would be able to handle whatever advances. More so, he also had said he wasn’t going to touch me, that he just didn’t want to start driving at that time, because he was having a headache and his sight isn’t very good at night, and then the vigilantes in his area, bla bla…

The thing is there was no penetration but I still very bad … BN readers is this still considered as adultery?

Photo Credit: Wavebreakmediamicro | Dreamstime.com

112 Comments

  1. sunshine

    March 24, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    So na only you waka come? Well even if it was wrong and all, I do not think it was adultery. Desist from such young lady!

    • kior

      March 24, 2015 at 5:52 pm

      Don’t worry, to know if it is considered adultery, in future. Your own husband will take an office colleague to a guesthouse and all that transpired with you and your colleague will be done. Then you can then answer for your self if it considered adultery. Karma

    • Crucial

      March 24, 2015 at 7:51 pm

      Please for those of you claiming that what she did is adultery, would it then not also be “fornication” if she had done the same thing with an unmarried man? Just wanted us to remember that fornication is just as bad as adultery. Does karma not exist for fornicators too?

    • Bella

      March 25, 2015 at 11:15 am

      My thoughts exactly, firstly why are you going to see a movie with a newly married men without his wife and the movie ends by 11pm? kai, my dear you don’t want to see the trouble ahead o, you just don’t want to open your eyes and see all the wrong ticks this fact sheet has! Colleagues are meant to be left at work, not become an extension of dates, unless its a social work function and then you go home alone… (cause that is what happened, you had a date with a married men and ended up at a lodge? seriously!!) so in this case, whose fault is this, women, we also tend to put ourselves in very stupid situations!! ah ah!!

    • e

      March 25, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      leave her let her be asking MUMU QUESTION!!!!! ASK THE QUESTION AGAIN……..like you don’t know the answer!!. ……nonsense!!!…when u agreed to go for a movie with him, you didn’t know it was a date abi? why didn’t you take a cab home? since he couldn’t really drive at night and leave him ALONE!! as if you didn’t want him secretly in your heart!!!…..or why didn’t he put you in another room, or common sense nor gree you know say e wan shag u? you’re suddenly the only person he can go see a movie with abi? what happened to his wife of 2yrs!!!
      BE THERE ASKING DUMB QUESTIONS…………..NONSENSE!!!!!

    • yikyak

      March 25, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Huh it is very much considered adultery

    • funtizzy

      April 3, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      lol, she needs to run

  2. OD

    March 24, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Yes there is no other name for it, its is pure adultery. Whatever made you think he will not make make an attempt to touch you. The man na stone?

    • Thatgidigirl

      March 24, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      All I want to know is, DID YOU COME? If u didn’t come then slap yourself! Now you’re going through this guilt trip over someone else’s pleasure, asking God for forgiveness over something that wasn’t complete. Mcheeeew!

    • wagamama

      March 24, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      LMAO! Nne you get sense dieeee!

      Poster, it all depends on you orientation and religious belief. If you are a christian, remember the bible says to even look at a woman lustfully is fornication? Well i think the same applies to adultery. On that note, Your own na gear 2 adultery. Oya go and pray for forgiveness, the mind is willing but the body is weak. Pray for strength against temptation and promise yourself you’ll never succumb to that sort of temptation again. God bless.

    • tee A

      March 25, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      Thatgidigirl, Wa gbayi! Infact, your head dey there. I loooooooooooove your comment.

    • Sarah

      March 25, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      hahahahahaha!

  3. Derry

    March 24, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Are you seriously asking this question???
    You feel very bad, beacause you know the answer

  4. wen

    March 24, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Babe it’s adultery,anyone who tell u otherwise dey yank your chains…..gbabee!!

  5. LOL

    March 24, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    You mean oral sex, as hard as it is to bear (pun intended) yes it is adultery. You know you can get herpes, gonorrhoea from oral sex. It’s called oral sex for a reason. It happens to the best of us. Forgive yourself and move on and learn from your mistake.

  6. Jennie

    March 24, 2015 at 4:26 pm

    Yes.

  7. aliako

    March 24, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Awaiting comments to roll

  8. Psychic

    March 24, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    LOL…do you aunty,do you think it is adultery?,perhaps if it is adultery what are u going to do about this your adultery?…if his wife hears will she give you a hug,ur bf nko,a pat on d back? he came but no penetration,psschew,!u for allow am penetrate o and pay u after so u can gain something,u help him scratch 1 minute itch ehn Aunty u just let that brother use u sha..when will we start learning ehn,send BN another message when theres the Act 1,scene2..im even weary for the scenario as I’m typing sef

    • MC

      March 25, 2015 at 11:39 am

      He didn’t use her. She knew what she was doing when she did it.
      If she also came, would you still say he used her?

  9. bruno

    March 24, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Penetration or not, both of u have comitted adultery.

    Him kissing u alone is adultery, him touching ur body, u and him have committed adultery, him ejaculating, ADULTERY!!! Both of u are guilty

    Felicia, u are an adulterer.

    How do many of u women leave with ur selves, u know fully well he is married, he has a wife at home, why would u allow him to be touching and kissing u.

    As for the man, u are a pig.and I hope ur wife finds out ,about what you’ve done. Cheat oshi

    • nene

      March 24, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      biko ask her agin bruno. follow a married man to a guest house for what? you should have paid for a separate room, you were clearly looking for something. you shouldn’t even have agreed to see a late night movie with a married man..where is his wife? can’t he take her to see the movie?

  10. TA

    March 24, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    Hmmm. It is wise to avoid labels but rather think of our actions and consequences. Let me ask you a question, if you were a mother who told your child do not eat the piece of meat in the pot and your child’s friend visits and decides to go to your mother’s pot and says because am very hungry blah blah I need this piece of meat and then the friend of your child picks the meat and gives it to your child to share with her teeth. Your child shares the meat with her teeth but doesn’t eat any piece but hands over all the pieces to his friend who has the pleasure of eating the pieces of meat all alone. Now is your child guilty of stealing the meat considering that he/she didn’t eat any of the meat? Think about that scenario I painted and then think back to this your dalliance with your ex-colleague. Don’t dwell on the definition or what constitutes adultery. Think rather of all your actions that led to the incident. Do you see how you could have avoided this unpleasant incident. I don’t know you but I guess you don’t like what went down .Or do you? My advice to you is to avoid this man henceforth. Completely. Ask God to forgive you, forgive yourself and work hard ,really hard NEVER to put yourself in compromising situations with someone who is not your spouse .

  11. Slones

    March 24, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    I don’t usually comment but I had to on this one. Boo boo kitty (in my Cookie voice) Karma is real ooo. Will you be happy if your sister narrated this story to you about her hubby? or even sef what if it happened to you? will you be happy and clap for le boo (husband or boyfreind) because there was no penetration? Please ask God(if you believe in him) for forgiveness cos to me all wrong is wrong!

  12. mo

    March 24, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    yes, you committed adultery. if you can be honest with yourself then you would admit that from the moment he asked you to go to a guest house with him, you knew what would follow!

    • JA

      March 24, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      No, she didn’t commit adultery.. he did.
      Generally, adultery is considered extramarital intercourse. She is not married but she fornicated with him. He committed adultery i.e. voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse.
      Sisi, let him worry about whether or not what you guys did is adultery while you go figure out how to stop fornicating (if you are Christian that is).

    • TIMD

      March 25, 2015 at 12:01 am

      i honestly agree with you @JA, however it is not acceptable. she should seek forgiveness

    • PurpleciousBabe

      April 2, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      She asked if it was adultery,
      So yh it is on the part of the guy but she is part of the act.

      All I did was laugh. How could you not have seen this coming? Its was obvious from the beginning but we like to lie to ourselves. It all boils down to intentions/motives/morals.

  13. omooba

    March 24, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    If you were married, and your husband told you this happened to him, and asked ‘Is that adultery?’, what would be your answer?

  14. B

    March 24, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    YES! why are u even going for a late night movie with your MARRIED ex?????!!!!!!! **singing in Fela’s voice** “when trouble sleep yanga go wake am, weh tin e dey finnnddd, palava e dey find, palava e go get eh oohh!!!!!!”

  15. Ivy

    March 24, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    Giiirrrrrrllll! Of course it’s adultery. U know how u can move on? Forgive urself, ask God to forgive you & I mean beg. Then ask God to remove this dude from ur memory and let this dude forget u even exist. Trust me it will work. Big hugs dear.

  16. Tuzaqueen

    March 24, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    The fact that you consented to going into a guest room with him (with or without penetration, which I would say was as a result of his sight being bad) lol. Sisi Mi, that’s Adultery! Jesus, please fix this

  17. Girlio

    March 24, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    Ha O girl u fall hand abeg! How could u fall for such a cheap trick? My guess is that part of you wanted this to happen as i dont believe u were that naive. First of all when u were invited to the cinema, the fact that the film finished at 11.30 means u must have started the ‘date’ at 9ish or so! That is already a no no. Going to watch film with a married man at that time knowing the film will finish late means you knew what was coming next. You committed full blown adultery and you wanted it to happen! DazAll!!

  18. Personal Signature

    March 24, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Go and sin no more
    i condemn you not
    Let it not happen again

    Flee from every appearance of evil. Don’t ever think you can fight it or contain it
    It is highly unexplainable knowing fully well that you are hanging out very late and intend doing 2-3hour movie. One would have thought you would think about these things:

    1. What is the duration of the movie?
    2. What time will the movie end?.
    3. If the movie ends by 11.30pm, how do i get home?
    4. He couldn’t drive home but could drive to a hotel
    5. He could have given you a cab fare to take you home or you pay yourself
    6. He could have paid for an extra room or take a room with sitting room where one of you could stay.
    7. Many at times, people fail to confess to God, who they are liable to but prefer to share online probably to justify their deeds or whatever. Hope you have gone to God, forgiven the man and forgiven yourself? BNers ain’t your judge.

    It is wrong but i condemn you not! Go and sin no more

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 25, 2015 at 11:36 am

      “Flee from every appearance of evil” – that was the same thing on my mind when I read this.

      There’s something a marriage counsellor once said to me some years ago. She’s been married for 26 years and was describing her courtship, during which she says that she didn’t even allow herself hold hands with her man. Now, when she said it, I silently scoffed and told myself, “Abeg, this woman’s own spirituality too much, biko”. However, I had good cause to remember what she said much later on because here’s the truth – we all know what our limits are and for some, holding hands may not set off any sirens to indicate the gates of passion are being flung right open… but for some, that’s all it takes.

      For others, it might be spending time alone (which is why many marriage counsellors tell couples trying to abstain to always hold themselves accountable and avoid moments of privacy behind closed doors). For still others, it might be the hugs and pecks you want to share with someone you feel those emotions for. It is not easy AT ALL and that’s also why the Bible says there’s always a way of escape when temptation presents itself. But na we go dey rationalize am to ourselves, “ah but I’m strong now, it’s not going to be a problem because I’ll be able to resist before things go too far”. I say it again, E NO EASY AT ALL. Body no be firewood, lai lai so just flee from the one that you know is more than your strength.

      @Letters to My Naija Babe (I recognize your avatar), thank you for reminding us not to condemn the young woman; truly, na only God wey know the ones wey we sef no flee from before we can even castigate her. @The author of the letter, take the advice given in the comment above mine and just ask God for the forgiveness you’re clearly seeking for with this letter. Pour your heart out to Him alone and if it’s possible, please send some kind of communication to the man (I say communication because I’m not sure a face-to-face meeting is wise) telling him that you truly regret what you did and letting him know you’re not available like that. Then please completely cut off every tie and keep fleeing from evil as you work on your own personal restoration. I pray you find that peace you’re looking for.

  19. Duchess Maria

    March 24, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    1. You went to see a late movie with your married ex-colleague.
    2. You agreed to stay with him in a guesthouse. Honey what was you thinking?
    3. His kisses made you abandon your moral fortitude and you guys messed around till he came.

    Now you’re asking if it was adultery. Sister mi, this is a true JAMB question. The heck do you think it was?

    Well no crying over spilt milk. Pray for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and vow to do better. We can’t all be politically correct and holy but a married man should always be a NO. Do not assist him in breaking the vow he made before God and man. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Cease all communications and cut him off. If you must do paroles, find a single man to do them with.

  20. adelegirl

    March 24, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    Yes adultery on his part, and you made yourself a willing accomplice to adultery. Penetration or not, there was sexual interaction between you two. So yes, that was wrong. I think you kinda knew what would/could happen when you (a) decided to go watch a late movie with your married male colleague and (b) decided to stay in the same room with him overnight instead of insisting on getting your own room or him getting a corporate cab to take you home – how he gets home is no concern of yours.

    Now, that I have answered your question, you need to give this guy a very wide berth. Good that you feel bad about what happened – shows you have a conscience still. So, depending on the dictates of your faith, seek repentance and forgiveness. Once you’ve settled that, move on, forgive yourself, let it go and do try not to place yourself in such compromising situations in future. If you are a Christian we are taught that once we confess our sins and are genuinely repentant, God literally forgets what we did – he never brings it up or uses it against us. The hardest part is forgiving yourself and to stop beating yourself up for your wrongdoings. I hope you find the strength to do so and the strength to give this married colleague a wide berth. Goodluck!

  21. mimi

    March 24, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    Yes ma. It is. Not judging you. Just clarifying your need for definition(I believe from a Biblical point of view, don’t know the limits of the legal definition) . Matt 5:28 explains that merely lusting in the heart is considered as good as done.

    But I would really advice you to focus on getting on with life. If you are interested in living a guilt free God pleasing life, please confess your sins, cut your ties with him and depend on the Holy Spirit to help overcome any similar temptation; which sometimes starts from not allowing yourself be in awkward situations as you’ve already stated. The truth is God can’t wait for you to move past this and move into the future He designed for you. His love for you hasn’t diminished one bit.

  22. eleojo-mi

    March 24, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    From what you wrote dear, I can say that u are nNot a bad person. For u to be remoursful shows. U are nt like the normal home breaker I’ve watched iN movies, read in books and in the internet. Dear, to me its adultry. Now all you need do is ask God for forgiveness. ANd make sure u don’t repeat it .God help us.

  23. Didi

    March 24, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    This will make you smile!its not adultery…it was not..it was close but it was not,nearly does not kill the bird my friend.so cheer up and be happy.penetration and smooching is like the distance between Sokoto and Lagos on FOOOT!! just dont do it again.you hia

    • Jhennique

      March 25, 2015 at 10:48 am

      Dear didi. Penetration and smooching to cum is like the distance between the top and bottom of my thumb. E no dey take anything for man to just push aside your pant and enter fiam! By the time you realise e go don too dey sweet you for you to protest. Please be careful not to mislead others

  24. Jane Public

    March 24, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    You see what I was saying yesterday??? When this one gets married now and her horseband starts sheeeeearing the love, she will be kabashing on girls till she gives herself high BP. Why did you go to a late night movie with A MARRIED MAN. What possessed you? If not for greed and osho free. I guess he paid for the movie abi? Wait first, did Armageddon happen in Lagos that day that he can drive to guesthouse, but he couldn’t drive you home. Don’t you just love how stupid this girl is? And if anyone comes near me and tells me that am i perfect, can’t i make mistakes. Thunder fire you. Grown ass women, be making stupid decisions. This wasn’t a mistake. Short of, you fell down and hit your head. Respect yourself. It was too late, so he booked a guesthouse. Lord hold me back, let me not slap somebody. So, you spent the night in a cheap, trashy guesthouse with a man you are not related to? A cheap trashy guesthouse is what you reduced yourself to. You didn’t for a second think of his wife. You didn’t think that some poor woman is waiting at home, wondering where her husband is? You kissed a married man, you are asking if it is adultery. OMG, someone stop me now. He somehow convinced you? With what, Sopona, or ayilara, or he held a syringe with Ebola virus. Because short of threatened your life, there is no way a man can convince you to go to a guest house and spend the night with him. What if he raped you, what will your excuse be. THIS is why idiots come out and say indecent dressing and reckless behaviour causes rape. THIS, acts of idiocy is just why real victims of rape never get any justice or sympathy from our society. Don’t worry, Karma is waiting for you. Your own will be worse pass penetration.

    • D

      March 24, 2015 at 5:54 pm

      Sho!!! Ms J.P na so you just curse our sister finish…[email protected] her own too is coming… even thundering fire and all. I get your point don’t get me wrong but wowizers…easy…ehen . Karma, sowing and reaping, whatever you call it, like i tell people, is a law just like gravity. But easy ooo for this matter…Now take a deep breathe…

    • tunmi

      March 25, 2015 at 1:26 am

      The man didn’t consider his wife. SHE did not commit adultery, HE did. Abeg calm down small ehn

    • adeanon

      March 24, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      You…. You are so spot on.

    • molarah

      March 24, 2015 at 6:59 pm

      Chai! Madam on fire! Yea I understand the outburst against this babe, but me I can’t sha get past the fact that this man is a newly wed. As in, no consideration for the fresh bride he placed at home. Some guys tho.

    • Aunty NANA

      March 25, 2015 at 11:35 am

      the fact that he is newly wed is not even an issue… most men have sex with other women the night before their wedding and 2 days after their wedding sef.

    • OD

      March 25, 2015 at 9:34 am

      @Jane Public. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh, kilode? Eebu yi po.. ni. Anyway she deserves it sha. You are just on point. I just hope ladies will learn.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 25, 2015 at 11:49 am

      Jane luv, biko calm down. Biko, nwa nne m, take it softly with our fellow sistren. 🙂 I was similarly irate when I first read it and asked myself why it was being posed as a question… but on further reflection, my dear, let’s be honest with ourselves; there is a manner in which that vessel in-between a human being’s legs (male or female) can take over the reasoning abilities of that person and clearly, our fellow sistren did not heed any of the clear exits on the highway to the guesthouse because she wasn’t thinking like she should have. The deed has now been done, so what more can we say than that she should seek forgiveness from God, seek to forgive herself and also learn to avoid inappropriate situations by FLEEING with her two left legs from any similarly compromising scenarios in the future?

  25. Janey

    March 24, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    If you live In Lagos, Abuja and port harcourt with your husband. Just have it at the back of your mind that you are sharing your husband’s third with one or two several other women simple!!!

    • adelegirl

      March 25, 2015 at 8:41 am

      I live in Abuja with my husband and I know I am not sharing my husband with any woman. Stop this inane generalisation that all men are cheats. So not true!

    • Blessmyheart

      March 25, 2015 at 10:14 am

      Thank you oh. Silly generalization that gives some men the excuse to be irresponsible.

  26. jefka

    March 24, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    these are the kind of stories my grand papa would hear and say in his chieftaincy titled voice “ODIEGWU”

  27. uzzd

    March 24, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Yes please it was…sex is not only when there is actual penetration…we keep deceiving ourselves.u should feel bad.

  28. D

    March 24, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    OK everybody saying she has committed adultery…she did not commit no adultery ooo…if we are to give it a title…it should be fornication….she ain’t married to no one…the dude on the other hand committed adultery but hheeee let him who is without sin cast the first stone… is all I am saying. but girlfriend if you are seeking people to make you feel better, you came to the wrong place…you are about to be “cyberly flogged.” Nevertheless, I will really like to know your thought process during the entire date. Yes i am very curious like that.

    • Blessmyheart

      March 25, 2015 at 10:17 am

      I agree. I wonder what she was thinking too. Firstly, he’s an ex-colleague so it doesn’t sound like a casual ‘let’s go see a movie after work’ thing. Then, it had to be a late night movie. And then a guest house with only one available room. Interesting situation. Married man committed adultery, single lady committed fornication. Simple!

  29. Abby

    March 24, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    But are you a child?i mean i dont get this incident ooo.U must be a simpleton or just looking for justification to make you feel alright for what you did..
    FIRST OF ALL:HE IS MARRIED!what were you thinking agreeing to go to a movie which was going to end at 11:30pm??!!
    And you fell for the cheapest trick in the world?go sleep in the same room with him?what were you expecting to happen?start an Oprah Book club?
    Yes the guy is a douchebag and worthless and does not respect his marriage vows or his wife but in you he saw a weak willing girl who was ready to fall for his cheap lies.
    Ah i am pained for you…he didnt marry you,married another woman and you still trying to form side chick??

  30. yvie

    March 24, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    My dear its blatant adultery. it was wrong really, this dude was married and u knew there’s no justification ooooo bad eye sight or not that was all a trick anyways the deed is done forgive yourself PRAY TO GOD FOR FORGIVENESS and move on and please in the future please FLEEEEE. law of karma is real!

  31. Say the truth

    March 24, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    “newlywed”… “convinced me that we should spend the night in a nearby guest house” “I thought I would be able to handle whatever advances” “he also had said he wasn’t going to touch me” <— How can you fall for this in 2015?

  32. Gbemi

    March 24, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Don’t mind them ooo … It wasn’t adultery .. It was just play play … Very soon feli baby would send another mail to Bella Naija asking if she is still a virgin …

  33. Gbemi

    March 24, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    Btw …. Guess this happened in lagos , Abuja or p/h no late night movies in most other cities … Ladies if you got married 2years ago and your husband didn’t sleep at home some Fridays ago …. He was at the guest house with feli baby playing Ten Ten

  34. Nwanyi Ekwe

    March 24, 2015 at 6:25 pm

    Is this a prank? If not pele dear, you set yourself up for this but noone is perfect. Just forgive yourself and move on…

  35. D

    March 24, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    on a more serious note all this Aunty Bella’s sef ehen…what bugs my mind is that these individuals come on here seeking some sort of validation for things your God given conscience has told you is wrong but nahhh let the whole world in too on your “situations”.

    For those saying she feels bad, and crying for repentance, while she might feel guilty but it is obvious she is questioning a need for that feeling, i.e she has not arrived at a place where genuine repentance comes from and that, for me is the bigger issue.

    So missy i will say you don’t need me or anyone giving what you did or did not do a label or condemning you. All you have to do is look within because true repentance has to come from within and it comes from a place of accepting responsibility for your actions (all of it) and accepting (without trying to justify why and how it might be or not be something or the other) not only that it is wrong/right but the consequences as well because dear there are consequences for all actions.

    Well, if it is justification, you will get it and if it is people to also rebuke your actions you will find it as well (case in hand see above). The question we should be asking you is do you believe you did something wrong??? and if yes then as they say “do the needful” or otherwise keep doing you!!!

  36. Nwanyi Ekwe

    March 24, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    Is this a prank? Just smells like one. If not sorry dear… You did set yourself up for it but just forgive youself and move on. Noone is perfect.

  37. mary

    March 24, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    lol……. i especially loved dat comment from gidigirl. Babes at least you shoulda come na.. so the guilt will be complete.

  38. C'est moi

    March 24, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    Strictly speaking (legal hat on), NO!
    Neither party has committed adultery if there was no sexual intercourse, no penetration. So it is an act of unreasonable behaviour, an extra-marital indiscretion. But still very naughty of him.

    If there was penetration, then HE would have committed adultery but you haven’t as you aren’t married, if you both were married then you are both adulterers.
    Biblically because you so love your bibles in this neck of the wood. So, pre Mark adultery in mind & blah, totally unreasonable imo (couldn’t careless if some woman is imagining sex with my hubby) , a man only committed adultery if he sexed a married woman, as polygamy was the norm eg. sex with maids et al/concubines was permitted. That’s why David got into trouble for sex with Bathsheba ( a married woman) but not other women. Single ladies were allowed premarital sex – the concubines/sexual harems/maids eg sarah/leah & rachel let their husbands sleep with theirs, but mustn’t lie about virginity to prospective husbands. Leviticus defines adultery as ‘that which is committed with another man’s wife’. But for women any sex other the husband was adultery. Ez 16.32 – You are like a woman who commits adultery with strangers instead of loving her husband. Typical double-standard.

  39. Toks

    March 24, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Everyone cursing the girl who ammitedly made a mistake- but what about the man?! No one cursing him.

    • Jhennique

      March 25, 2015 at 10:54 am

      its obvious the man is a pro in such matters. He handled her well.. She on the other hand is the one waking up with guilt and she is the one asking question so yes she is the one we are dealing with here.

      Dear Felicia, what are you? 14? we should even first know your age so that we know how to address you. because i dont even know where to start on this matter.

    • Root

      April 10, 2015 at 11:55 pm

      Oh, the man is a PRO right?, and that makes the girl what…? A PROstitute abi?

    • Aunty NANA

      March 25, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      the man isn’t guilt ridden and he is not ashamed of what he did… he knew what he was going to do, in fact he wanted it to happen. whats there to blame or curse? he had a willing participant. and at least she didnt state anywhere that she was forced or drugged.
      no one is cursing the girl… its the stupid question she asked that people are responding to. all her acts points to the fact that she hexperred and anticipated the events that would follow after the cinema… so she should have enjoyed it, instead of coming here to ask silly questions
      left for me i think she would not complain if he had penetrated…

  40. Crucial

    March 24, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    Please for those of you claiming that what she did is adultery, would it then not also be “fornication” if she had done the same thing with an unmarried man? Just wanted us to remember that fornication is just as bad as adultery. Does karma exist for fornicators too?

    • Joan85

      March 24, 2015 at 7:51 pm

      Yeah, BN can you make this a follow up topic? If this is considered adultery, is doing the exact same thing with an unmarried man considered fornication?

    • C'est moi

      March 24, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      There is no where in the bible that defines pre-marital sex as fornication or even a sin. Fornication in biblical & historical terms meant idolatory, whoredom, prostitution, not pre-marital couple sex. Language changes over time (e.g wicked now also means good), the church hijacked the word in just the 17century to mean & include premarital sex & then later adultery but prior to that it held no such meaning. Oh and the early Christians weren’t monogamous either until the romans forced it on them. These are things you wouldn’t hear from a pulpit but you will learn from unbiased theological reading.

    • Itha

      March 24, 2015 at 11:07 pm

      please desist from talking so confidently about what you dont know.

    • Blessmyheart

      March 25, 2015 at 10:24 am

      Why not unbiased Bible reading with the help of the Holy Spirit and not reliance on the pulpit or theological texts. Please read I Corinthians 6 well.

    • Blessmyheart

      March 25, 2015 at 10:27 am

      And Hebrews 13:4

    • oj

      March 27, 2015 at 10:34 am

      u’re always trying to justify pre-marital sex and polygamy. continue deceiving yourself. 1 cor 6:9, 10 says those who practice such things including fornication or as some translation put it, sexually immoral people will not inherit God’s Kingdom.

  41. Crucial

    March 24, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    Please for those of you claiming that what she did is adultery, would it then not also be “fornication” if she had done the same thing with an unmarried man? Just wanted us to remember that fornication is just as bad as adultery. Does karma exist for fornicators too?

  42. Mims

    March 24, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    Im not judging you, but since u asked let me answer. Yes dear u cheated. From that inappropriate conversation with that guy in the office who you know fully well likes you, to the actual putting a d**k in, child you know its cheating. Even before u put up the comment u knew it was. Why entertain fire in the first place, when you know you dont have the equipment to put it out. Temptations are very tempting so is fire very attractive, till it burns u to ashes. So please, reevaluate your priorities well before u embark on that kind of mission again.

  43. Cece

    March 24, 2015 at 7:47 pm

    Bella Naija why would you even post this article? Its not a genuine debate. I mean the person involved has common sense,surely. I am even shaking my head at the people bothering to educate the lady. She is not a teenager

  44. Iyke

    March 24, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    Sure, it is. U don’t need a soothsayer to know it is. If u catch ur husband on bed wt another woman, how wld u feel and what wld u call that?

  45. Kunmi

    March 24, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    Is it adultery? Picture the events of that night starring your husband and another girl and ask the question again. Dust yourself and learn from the experience. In the future, pause and think deeply before you act because you seem prone to making terrible decisions. Wisdom is profitable to direct. First of all, seeing a late night movie with a married man was flat-out stupid. It screams ulterior motives from both parties. I would love to know how you were able to convince yourself that that was okay.
    Secondly, you could’ve taken a cab when the pig said that he couldn’t drive home. Isn’t that the point of “vex money”? For me, emergency money is more crucial when you are depending on someone else for transport AT NIGHT. Anything could happen.
    Thirdly, you do realise that anything could have happened in that guesthouse, right? You could have been raped. Married man or not, don’t go with anyone to a guesthouse thinking that nothing will happen. Body no be wood.
    Check your motives. The Bible says to flee from appearances of evil- once it starts to get small K leg, RUN! DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT 200. RUUUN!!! Remember that whatsoever a man sows, that shall he reap.

  46. hawttalkwithtosan.blogspot.ca

    March 24, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    Men will continue to cheat till thy kingdom come…there is nada any comment will do to change that! If you think marriage stops men from cheating, you are a big learner! Religion does not stop them either. Someone once said for every pretty woman there is a man tired of f-ing her. You better believe that. If you do not, nne ask Halle Berry. Now the question is as a woman, you can choose not to sleep with a married man. Gurl you chose to do so; so stop asking stupid questions and live with it!

  47. jcsgrl

    March 24, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    In short na em I wan ask. What about the innocent young women who never dated married guys and yet their men are cheating on them? How does the law of karma work towards them naa? Eeees not fair naa. Lets say for this young man’s wife who probably lived a good life and kept herself only to marry a douche bag. The same karma com jam am too…y’know collateral damage things. I guess karma is no respecter of persons…lol

  48. Ardb

    March 24, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    All I am asking is what kind of yeye movie will you want to watch with a married male ex-colleague on a friday night? As in if you dont watch it then, it won’t show again??! Afterwards, he could not give you a ride home and you also could not find your way home? Eziokwu? You then shared a bed beleiving he will not make a pass? Chai !!! Babe, truth be told, you have always wanted a piece of the dude and just jumped at the opportunity to catch some feelings. All these guilty conscience thingy na secondary. You should have just gone full base nah, maybe you for no feel so bad.

    • Aunty NANA

      March 25, 2015 at 11:42 am

      i agree totally. she wanted him…. she don dey eye d guy which is why she couldnt resist he kiss..

  49. FLOW

    March 24, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Bella Naija! Where my comment na?

  50. tunmi

    March 24, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    And the useless man no get conscience ehn?

    And yet another heterosexual matter, this one exploring the terms of adultery , and no one has been shunned.

  51. Tosin

    March 24, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    past is past.
    what if he’d left and something bad had happened, eh? 😉
    Forgive yourself, ask God to forgive you, and if anybody still gets mad at you, their wahala.
    I could use a hook up right about now lol

  52. Belema

    March 25, 2015 at 12:09 am

    Make una free the girl now. yes I agree she is asking a stupid question but it might be that she truly just does not understand the magnitude of what she has done. Maybe in her life, she only sees fornication and adultery as penetration. You would be surprised the number of Christians that have this mentality.
    Madam to answer your question, yes you committed adultery. But I will not condemn you and i think none of us should. What did Jesus say to the woman that was caught in RED HANDED IN THE ACT OF ADULTERY. John 8:11.. My dear go and sin no more. Delete that ex worker from your life completely before he comes again at 12.am to watch another movie that ends at 2am. Flee from all APPREARANCES of evil.
    And for future references, do not be interested in whether, someone penetrated you or not.. Anything including, kissing, smooching, fingering, BJ, Hand-J .. are all adultery and fornication. Seek purity and not whether penetration occurred or not.

  53. *Real* Nice Anon

    March 25, 2015 at 12:17 am

    He came just by her passionately kissing him. How amazing is your kissing skills sis?

    • Duchess Maria

      March 25, 2015 at 5:30 am

      She implied that they did other things but just no penetration.

  54. Iris

    March 25, 2015 at 1:15 am

    It’s simple really. If your own husband took another woman to the movies, took her to a hotel and messed around with her until he came, would you consider it to be adultery? Answer that and you’re good to go because if his wife ever found out you’d be able to stand in your truth whether the answer is yes or no. If it were my husband she, I’d be coming for both of you like a hurricane on Prozac.

  55. Iris

    March 25, 2015 at 1:16 am

    Sha*

  56. Wifey

    March 25, 2015 at 2:13 am

    You and your ex were very disrespectful to your ex’s wife. How do you open your eyes and climb in bed with a married man unless you wanted to do the do?

  57. Oreos

    March 25, 2015 at 7:12 am

    Girl! If it looks like a duck, quakes like a duck and smells like a duck…what is it class….A Duck! I believe you know the answer to this question- so you are either looking for someone to validate your poor choices or you are trying to come to terms with what you did, either way – DO BETTER!!!!!!!

  58. ogonna

    March 25, 2015 at 9:07 am

    @kior who made u a judge? i hate when people feel they are in the position to judge others, u are not perfect and so is every other person. our madam , u made ur decision to be in that position

  59. Chocolate

    March 25, 2015 at 10:11 am

    LET HE WHO HAS NO SIN…..CASTE THE FIRST STONE. #Sin-IS-Sin

  60. Jhennique

    March 25, 2015 at 10:41 am

    LOL! ARE YOU ARE LEARNER YOUNG WOMAN???

  61. Jhennique

    March 25, 2015 at 10:56 am

    all i know is that let God help me and bless me with a wise man

  62. Aunty NANA

    March 25, 2015 at 11:39 am

    i do not believe that this is the entire story. lots of questions unanswered..
    not adultery but still wrong on so many levels..
    nne u allowed this to happen…. u wanted it, u knew it would happen, u needed it to happen… and if you are honest, the both of you must have already been flirting with each other.
    so don’t beat yourself up, and instead of feeling guilty, you for just try enjoy the thing finish sef.

  63. 2015

    March 25, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    Dear all , the writer doesnt know the difference between adultery and fornication,she is confused already so dont lets complicate her issue the more.However,adultery or fornication ….what you did was wrong ,please seek forgiveness and flee from future occurence.

  64. sum1special

    March 25, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    Yes dear, you committed adultery.Because the bible says once you have thought of something in your heart, you have already sinned. We are not perfect and unknowingly cant obey all of God’s commands. Thats were God’s grace comes in. I wont be the 1st to throw a stone at you, because i am not perfect also. Ask God for forgiveness, try not to do it again, and stay away from that so called non controlled married man. okay? good

  65. fiona

    March 25, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Bella Naija, abeg where una dey get your pictures from.. O wa Very descriptive …..My dear, you were definitely asking for it, but deed is done now run along and sin no more………..on another note, abeg if you have been married for two years now and your hubby no sleep at home some Fridays back, make una investigate ooo,

  66. Davinchy

    March 25, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    To proof u have committed adultery or not is very simple. Let d man accompany u so u can tell d man’s wife this story.
    Her response will answer ur question

  67. Yes?

    March 25, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    My dear. IT IS Adultery!! No matter how innocent you try to make it look. Imagine!!..”he suggested we spend the night at a guest house cos it was late”. Did you not check the movie time to see how long into the night the movie will last? ..”he said he wasn’t going to touch me”..if you yourself were not looking for something and you thought it okay to spend the night at a guest house with a married ex-colleague? The guy had it all planned out, and YOU my dear wanted it too!. Tomorrow stupid girls like you will come out to open your mouth to say all the stupid things men do, and then when you are married you come out to lament a cheating husband, when it is the likes of you that encourages it. Let me not say all the hurtful things I have in my mind to you right now! #longhiss

    BN this post is not even worthy to be put up here!

  68. BEEBEE

    March 26, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Truth is, these two have just started an affair. the guy will call again and she will go. worst when days are bad with her hubby, she will wonder and call o just say “hi” which will lead to something. The affair with this married man just began.

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      March 29, 2015 at 10:45 pm

      Sounds like you’ve been there before. You wanna share your story with us? 🙂

  69. damtim

    March 27, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    hmmmmm you see you dont need to george her so that you wont be georged as a matter of fact this can happen to anyone of us in as much you are a human being, my sister it indeed an adultery you just need to asked for forgiveness and move on, life goes on.

  70. miss practical

    March 29, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    No one is a saint, …for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. some are still doing it without fear or favour. If it’s adultery, yes it is. You feel this way because you know it is. Even though you just want to feel good by justifying the act when you said there was no penetration. Forgive yourself and avoid occasions like this that can lead you to sin. Pray for the grace to overcome temptation. Just a quick question. Will it still be adultery if they went to the gust house and nothing happened between them ?

  71. dammy

    May 3, 2015 at 11:34 am

    Instead of condemning her, why don’t you help her. The only thing I can say is repent and don’t sin again

  72. ela

    August 4, 2015 at 11:34 am

    lol. i laugh in french. he told u all that nonsense, n u didn’t refuse, una still come sleep for d same room. was d hotel also fully booked?. u sef don de eye d guy since.

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